8:46 - Dave Chappelle

(car pulls up)

(indistinct conversation)

(music playing)

(applause)

Thank you! Thank you very much!

I hope you all can hear me.

(applause)

Will you guys shut the fuck up!

Just kidding! That's my family in the back, that's
why I did that.

Anyway, this is weird. And less than ideal circumstances
to do a show. But the only way to figure out if this

shit will actually work, well is to do the goddamn show.

So, thank you all for coming.

(applause)

I want to shout out all the young people who have
had the courage to go out and do all this amazing

work, protesting.
(applause)

I am very proud of you.
(applause)

You kids are excellent drivers. I am comfortable
in the back seat of the car.

So carry on, young ones.

It's hard to figure out what to say about George
Floyd. So I'm not going to say it yet.

(laughs)

I will say something.

(sigh) Are you guys having a good time, or is this
weird?

(applause)

I gotta tell you, this is actually, like, the first
concert in North America since all this shit

happened, so, like it or not, it's history.
It's going to be in the books.

(applause)

At least we tried.

There's other comedians that would--
Well this is not the first show but the other

shows were like in drive-ins and if people
liked the nigga's jokes they'd honk the horn.

(laughter)

And that didn't sound like any fun at all, did it?

(laughter)

So what's you guys? You a black and white friend
hanging out, do you guys know each other?

(inadubile)

Whew! It's going to be a quiet ride home, isn't it?
No, just kidding!

(laughter)

I'm just kidding, enjoy your riots.

(laughter)

I'm just kidding.

They're not really even riots. You notice that?

(sighs) This is a fucking weird time.

Mhmm.

In like 1993, I'm not sure what year it was, but
I was in LA. I had smoked a joint and I was

watching a movie, Apocalypse Now. It was like
just after 4:00 in the morning. And what later

would become the known Northridge earthquake
happened. It felt like it started in my apartment.

You know? I'm from east of the Mississippi. On
this side we don't know what earthquakes are

about. I got to tell you something, man
(burps)

Excuse me, burping.

This shit was terrifying.

It was absolutely terrifying.

Uh, a lot of things went through my mind, I was
like, not naked, but you know what I mean,

just chilling in my boxers. Uh, I put my clothes on,
I found my weed. And some, a pipe, and a lighter

and some money, and my keys, all these things,
while the earthquake is happening, while I'm

experiencing what an earthquake is for the first
time, and I was certain that I might very possibly

die. As a matter of fact, I remember I made a point
not to scream, just in case I lived, I wouldn't have to

remember myself being vocally terrified. But I
forgave myself for being terrified. That earthquake

couldn't have been more than 35 seconds. This man
kneeled on a man's neck for eight minutes and

forty-six seconds! Can you imagine that!? This kid
thought he was going to die. He knew he was going

to die. He called for his mother. He called for his
dead mother. I've only seen that once before

in my life, my father, on his deathbed, called for
his grandmother. When I watched that tape I

understood this man knew he was going to die.
People watched it, people filmed it, and for some

reason, that I still don't understand, all these fucking
police had their hands in their pockets.

Who. Are. You. Talking. To!

What are you signifying? That you can kneel on a
man's neck for eight minutes and forty-six seconds

and feel like you wouldn't get the wrath of God.
That's what is happening right now.

It's not for a single cop, it's for all of it. Fucking
all of it. I don't mean to get heavy, but.

We gotta say something.

(applause)

He told the police he couldn't breathe.

One of the hardest parts of the tape to listen
to.

He said, "Please!"

I can't tell you, as a man, watching another man
go through something like that, what it makes

you feel like. I didn't watch the tape for a week.
I didn't watch it. I knew. I saw a still picture, I said,

I don't want to see this, because I can't unsee it.
But when I finally watched it, I understood, nobody's

going home. Anyone who sees this, well they're
going to be furious.

So the other night, I'm in my little clubhouse.
And I'm watching Don Lemon, that hotbed of

reality.

He says, "Where are all these celebrities? Why
aren't you talking?"

This nigga said everybody. I was screaming at
the TV: I DARE YOU SAY ME, NIGGA!

(laughter)

I dare you!

Has anyone ever listened to me do comedy?

Have I not ever said anything about these
things before?

So, now, all the sudden, this nigga expects me
to step in front of the streets and talk over the

work these people are doing? As a celebrity?
Answer me, do you want to see a celebrity

right now? Do we give a fuck what Ja Rule thinks?
Does it matter about celebrity? No! This is the

streets talking for themselves. They don't need
me right now!

(applause)

I kept my mouth shut.

And I'll still keep my mouth shut.

But don't think that my silence is complicit
of all the shit these niggas are saying. Trying

to get everyone to sing these fucking songs.
I know all these songs.

I was raised on these songs.

Why would anyone care what their favorite
comedian thinks after they saw a police

officer kneel on a man's neck for eight
minutes and forty-six seconds? I can't

get that number out of my head because it was
my time of birth on my birth certificate. I was

born at 8:46 in the morning. And they killed this
nigga. And eight minutes and forty-six seconds.

I watched everything everybody says. I see
Candace Owens trying to convince white America,

don't worry about it, he's a criminal anyway!

I don't give a fuck what this nigga did. I don't care
what this nigga did. I don't care if he personally

kicked Candace Owens in her stanky pussy. I don't
know if it stinks but I imagine it does.

(laughter)

And if I ever find out I'll let you know for sure.
I'll tell like Azealia Banks, I'll tell.

(laughter)

I'm the worst.

But I know why. I figured out why they want
to hear it from me, and it's serious.

The only reason people want to hear from
people like me is because you trust me.

You don't expect me to think perfect. But I
don't lie to you. I'm just a guy. And I don't lie

to you. And every institution, every institution
that we trust lies to us.

(applause)

How come they never talk about Chris Dorner?

That's a story about a man who believed
he did everything right.

Do you know who Chris Dorner is?

Chris Dorner, if you remember, was an African
American police officer in the LA PD.

He was executing a warrant with his partner.
Who was a white woman.

And white women, I support you, but boy
if you all don't shut the fuck up.

(laughter)

During the process of executing this warrant,
this white woman did what Chris Dorner thought

was excessive force. I don't know what she did.
She kicked the mother fucker that was handcuffed,

or hit a guy that was handcuffed, or something.
Chris Dorner, the Black police officer that watched

this white woman do this, reported this to his
superior. Made a formal complaint. And was

subsequently fired from the LA PD.

He went through the system.

He took every legal avenue he believed
he had to get reinstated.

And he was not reinstated.

And when his last appeal was finished, this
motherfucker... some wild shit.

Wrote a manifesto, you know where this is going.

And in that manifesto, he called me a genius.

Me. Dave Chappelle.

Not just me, but me.

He's a Kevin Hart fan too.

(laughter)

But he called me a genius. And he told
Bradley Cooper who is a friend of mine, don't

do any more Hangovers, nigga, that's enough.
That's what he said.

(laughter)

And he told his story. Chris Dorner told
his story, how he did everything right

when he was in the military, and subsequently,
this was before any of this shit happened, and

then he said, which was the wildest thing, he said
I'm going to wage asymmetrical war on the LA

police department and their families. Well,
that's an ominous thing to say.

And he did it.

This motherfucker, ambushed two police officers
who just sitting in their squad car. Murdered

them. He went to another police officer's house
and killed his daughter.

Boy, it was terrifying.

And this motherfucker was on the run. He
was doing it. I was supposed to do the

GRAMMYs. I was supposed to present at the
GRAMMYs that week, and a guy from the LA PD

called me and said, "Mr. Chappelle we understand
you're coming to Los Angeles, and I don't know if you

know, but there is a lunatic on the streets who is
killing police officers and we would like to know

if we can pick you up at the airport? We are
extending this courtesy to everyone he

mentioned in his manifesto. And I told the
police, I'm fine. I read the manifesto, he likes me.

(laughter)

Is there anything I can do for you, nigga?
Because I get very worried!

(laughter)

They found him.

Big Bear. He was hiding in a cabin. When they
figured out where this nigga was, no less

than 400 police officers showed up and
answered the call. And boy let me tell you

something, they swiss-cheesed this nigga.
He is dead as dead could be. He is done.

And you know why 400 cops showed up?
Because one of their own was murdered.

So how the fuck can't they understand what's
going on in these streets?

(applause)

We saw ourselves like you see yourself.

They weren't the only one.

LeBron James once said something about
racism and Laura Ingraham, which, I will

say publicly anywhere, any time, is a cunt.

(laughter)

Tell 'em I said it.

(applause)

Told one of Ohio's greatest residents ever:
"Shut up and dribble."

I'll tell you something about LeBron.

This nigga was on the cover of Sports
Illustrated when he was 17 years old, and

exceeded every expectation that they had
for him. This business is treacherous. This

is a good guy LeBron, he's a family man, and
this, that and the other. He didn't let anyone

down. He didn't let anyone down. Came back
to Ohio, won us a championship, and then was

like, I'm going to move to LA, and everyone in
Ohio was like, nigga we understand.

(laughter)

He's a good man, LaBron James. The bitch told
my friend to shut up and dribble. My friend

is the best at something, and this bitch is not
the best at anything. Just a regular-ass white bitch

with a platform. And I use the word bitch all the
time because this is "black."

(sigh)

Watch one shooting after another: Eric Garner
in New York, the first guy that told the police, "I

can't breathe." Eric Garner was selling loose
cigarettes in Staten Island. When my kid was born,

my first son, my wife lived in Staten Island, it's
an awful place. She knows it, everyone who's

ever been there knows it. Yuck, to Staten
Island.

And my black ass would go there, and I
got a lot of fans there, and friends there,

but this is a very terrible place. Fuck everybody
in Staten Island except the Wu Tang Clan.

(laughter)

Got murdered by one police officer while
five of his fellow officers watched him do it.

(no audio)

Not one of them said, "Frank, Frank take it easy."
None of that shit. Because they were being

recorded. Because they were afraid if I correct
my fellow officer on this camera it's going to open

us up for some kind of liability. And the guy
killed the person that they were, uh, what

do you call it? Apprehending? The guy was
selling loose cigarettes.

There goes Eric Garner.

(sigh) And then we have one after the other.

Trayvon Martin gets murdered by just a regular
nigga that... George Zimmerman is nobody.

George Zimmerman is an awful human
being. He threatened Beyonce's life, he

threatened Jay-Z's life, he signed Skittle
bags because Trayvon Martin had Skittles

on him when he was murdered by George
Zimmerman. Boy, how do we feel?

How do we feel right now? This kid was 15 years old
being followed by a grown man with a gun

and whooped his monkey ass. He beat the shit
out of George Zimmerman and George Zimmerman

murdered him, I'm very upset. This kid looked
eerily like the president, he looked like my own

children. I hate George Zimmerman. As an idea.
Not as a guy, I've never met him. I'm sure I would

though.

(laughter)

Hit the streets. You got them marching. Dylann
Roof. Dylann Roof killed eight people in a church

in Charleston, South Carolina. He prayed with them
first, and then he shot them at point-blank range.

It goes on and on. And in one weekend a law
abiding citizen right here in Beaver Creek

is murdered. The cop that murdered John Crawford
pulled me over the night before and let me off

with a warning. And the next day, kills a kid.
He says, drop the weapon, bang bang bang.

This kid didn't even have enough time to register
that he was the one being spoken to.

This is our home town. It happened right here.
I was very proud to be your neighbor, I love the

way you guys hit those streets. We said his name
and we tried to make sure everyone remembered him

but he got lost in the sauce. And this guy John
Crawford was a saint. He was there buying

shit so him and his kids could make s'mores.

Michael Brown got shot the same week,
and Michael Brown became the story.

And then, am I boring you?

Well then, right back in Minneapolis was
Philando Castile. Law abiding citizen, was

a registered gun carrier, was trying to show
police the paperwork for his registered

weapon and was murdered in front of his
wife and his child and then right in

Baton Rouge, Louisiana, just two days later
it happens again. And what do you think is

going to happen? Three days later nine cops
get murdered in Dallas at a Black Lives Matter

rally.

Wow, I'll never forget it. It was the first time I ever
thought, I gotta get my family the fuck out of

this place. These niggas will never understand.
I'm tired of explaining to these people something

that's so goddamn obvious.

The guy that killed those nine cops, just like
Chris Dorner before him, was from our military.

And then right after he did it, another four
cops were shot dead in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

Again, a Black man, that served in our military.
What are they doing? Why would our guys do that?

Black people from the military? Because they
believe, just like they did when they were joining

the fucking military, that they were fighting acts of
terror.

These are our people. These are our countrymen.

If I were white, and saw one of these men get
murdered and I was in the NRA why wouldn't

I stand up for them. A card carrying legal
gun owner that gets murdered in cold blood?

Because he's Black.

That's why they don't give a fuck.

There's only one time the NRA ever
supported an assault weapon ban.

You know when it was? It was when the
Black Panthers stormed the state capital

with assault rifles in California.

(applause)

Candace Owens, that rotten bitch.

She's the worst. I can't think of a worse way
to make money.

The most articulate idiot I've ever seen
in my fucking life. She's so articulate she'll

tell you how fucking stupid she is precisely.

And she told George Floyd's wrap record...

On the internet. "Oh, he was the this, he did that,
and he was, he's a drug addict. And he was not

a hero. And why does the Black community
make him a hero? Why do you chose him as

a hero?" We didn't chose him, you did! They
killed him, and that wasn't right, so he's the guy.

We're not desperate for heroes in the Black
community. Any nigga that survives this

nightmare is my goddamn hero.

(applause)

This is not funny at all.

(laughter)

I got some pussy jokes too, I could do,
but I just really just...

(laughter)

Slavery is a really wild concept.

Uh, it's some weird shit.

The night that those nine police officers
were killed felt like the end of the world.

The only reason it wasn't the end of the
world, in my opinion, was because at the

very same time that was happening, Kobe
Bryant was playing his last game as an LA

Laker. And as scary as all that shit was,
I kept flipping back to see if Kobe would drop

sixty, and he did. Oh, and he did.

And vaguely in the back of my mind I remember
the idiot ass bitch telling somebody to shut

up and dribble, and I watched this nigga
dribbling and saving this goddamn country

from itself. I loved Kobe Bryant. He died the
night, the day I won a GRAMMY, he died.

That's why I didn't show up at the GRAMMYs.
Because Kobe died. They had both of his

fucking jersey numbers hanging up. 8, 24.
Well, that's my birthday.

I cried like a baby.

(sighs)

So, here's what I said on Saturday Night
Live that I got completely wrong:

At the end of my set I talked about how few
Black people were invited to the White House.

How Frederick Douglass was the first. And
that it didn't happen again until Roosevelt.

But that was wrong. It happened one other
time before that. Woodrow Wilson. Woodrow

Wilson received delegation of African Americans
at the White House. They were from South

Carolina. There was a man who was lynched
for a $30 dispute at a grain elevator and they

killed him because the nigga was rich, and
they hated him for being more welathy then

they were, and they murdered him. And the
people in South Carolina said, fuck that, and

they went via the governor of South Carolina,
it was a Black delegation that was facilitated to

meet with Woodrow Wilson. That delegation was
lead by the AME Bishop William David Chappelle.

That's where I get my name. It was my great-
grandfather, who was a slave when he was born.

(applause)

These things are not old. This is not a long
time ago, it's today. It's today.

That man's wife was the woman that my father
called on on his deathbed. And they were slaves.

Are you out of your fucking mind if you
can't see that? And these niggas say why

isn't David Chappelle saying anything?
Because David Chappelle understands what the

fuck he is seeing. And these streets will speak
for themselves weather I'm alive or dead.

(applause)

I trust you guys.

I love you guys.

We'll keep this space open.

This is the last stronghold for civil
discourse. After this shit it's just

rat-a-tat-tata-tat-ta-tat-tat-TAT!

(applause)

I love you very much, thank you for being here.
Goodnight.

(applause)

♫ Nobody Speak by DJ Shadow feat. Run the Jewels ♫