I cheated on Joshua..

So if you missed my last video,

I filled you in on how I recently

got a boyfriend,

broke up with him,

got another one,

started a new university degree doing

PHILosophy

and that all took place

in my alternative universe Bitlife!

So we’re gonna jump back in with Philly age 18

– can I keep myself alive?

(until a lovely, grand old age)

I think 96 would be good.

So to fill you in, I’ve got Joshua Glasscock

who’s my boyfriend.

He likes me quite a lot,

despite the disappointing bedroom action.

Can we try and do a bit better,

second time lucky?

No!

That’s even worse!

This isn’t everything in a relationship,

but it might not last.

Oh, wait, you spend time with everyone?

That saves so much time.

“You invested in nine of your relationships.

Your stepmom and stepdad refused

to spend time with you”?

Oh my God! F you, stepdad.

I’m gonna insult him.

I called him a maniac.

I’m insulting her as well.

Yeah, take that, blockhead!

Alright- (game character: Ow!)

AH!

She attacked me, what the hell?

“She elbowed my knee and spanked my forearm”?!

(smack) Bad adult son!

Okay, we’re aging up.

Oh, and my mom and stepdad just had a baby boy

named Jayden, my new half brother–

Jayden Rogers.

AW, I’ve got a bro!

Will I be an insightful and protective big brother?

I always wondered what I would've been like,

if it were the other way around.

Probably not.

“He was conceived on a Caribbean cruise,”

they go on so many boujee holidays without me!

Right, let’s make friends with the bay-bae.

Oh, the only thing I could do is recruit him to a cult

(ominous noise)

No, I’m not gonna do that.

Alright, let’s do some extracurricular drama.

AH

NO

I quit it by accident! (sad horn sounds)

I didn't mean to press that!

Let me back in! (sad horn sounds)

They refused to let me back in!

Aw.. frick.

Okay, I’ll do another one.

I'm gonna join the tennis team,

maybe I can be in my Challengers era?

(sad horn sounds again)

Rejected again?!

Zendaya, you’ve already got two men–

okay, somethin’, somethin’s gotta let me in!

The debate team.

I’m gonna be a yapper.

Yes! Okay, right, what can I do now that I’m an adult?

Ooh, play the lottery. Come on.

Let’s get one ticket.

I did not win.

Oh :( great :,(

Hit up the casino, just havin’ a gambling moment.

I’m gonna go to “Peak Resort”.

uh??

I’m not paying 600 quid?!

Alright, I’m gonna bet 50 quid.

I don’t know how Blackjack works.

Alright you have to get “21 without going over”.

I’ve got 19, I’m gonna stay with 19.

(yippeee! sound effect) YES!

Right, one more try.

100 POUNDS.

(gasp) I’ve got 20!

I’ll stand.

(sad horn) >:(

No! I’ve lost–

I’m down 50 quid!

Right, do not gamble!

In life, I’m still up on the Gremlin slot machine

where I got like 600 quid on my first go.

Dan: Bloody hell.

D: Explain-

D: explain. Phil: I don’t know how it happened!

P: It just happened.

D: You’re hacking, aren’t you?

P: Yeah

I’m never doing it again,

the Bellagio hates me.

Ooh, I can go clubbing.

What sounds the most gay,

I’m gonna go with “Essence Disco”...

that would be like the Willow in New York,

but will they give us prawn crackers here?

I didn’t love it that much.

(gasp) “Even though you have a boyfriend,

you have an opportunity to have a one night stand

with a dude named Charles Waddle."

DO him?!

Oh my God.

Look, I’d normally be against cheating but

I think because we’ve had such a bad time in the bedroom,

(sad horn) maybe this is just to test out

if everything’s okay or not.

I’m tempted just for the messiness of this video.

I did it, I’m sorry.

“Things are getting hot and you’re thinking about being safe-”

yes! (gasp)

“You walk around with a pep in your step the next day.”

Okay, we both really enjoyed that.

Not sure if me and Glasscock are compatible.

(scary noise) Oh, no he found out!

Now he’s mad, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.

Right, let’s go to couple’s counseling.

150 quid?!

I cheated, so I’ll ask him to go.

Oh no, he doesn’t want to go.

Let’s try again.

No, I think as we’ve not been…enjoying ourselves,

we might not be compatible.

We gotta break up. I’m sorry, Joshua.

Okay, single and ready to mingle!

Let’s age up!

(scary noise) NO!!!

I hate this game, WHY?! MARLEY!!

That was such a jumpscare, I didn’t see it

The cruelness of life, “Your Welsh corgi,

Marley, died at the age of 14. He perished after losing his last fight,

against old age.

Mourn his death or have him taxidermied,”

I’m gonna get him taxidermied.

Yes. Stuff the dog!

“The taxidermist successfully taxidermied your Welsh corgi, Marley!

He looks fresh as a daisy.”

Amazing.

We can’t interact with him, though…

it’s just a late pet.

Alright, I’m bummed out now,

I need a massage or something..

Go to the movies, just don’t watch Marley and me,

comedy.

Yes. Okay, we’re getting better.

Alright, we’re getting a haircut, that’ll cheer him up-

I actually need one right now as well.

“Select this style,”

That’s what I should’ve done in university

when I was walking around lookin’ like this!

No wonder there weren’t many Glasscocks in my life.

AGE.

“Your friend, Emily, has invited you to indulge in a

six year old bottle of triple sec her parents have been saving."

I’m in.

I did not enjoy that.

Right, as university is coming to an end, I think

I need a part time job.

Wait, the best paying thing is a Mall Santa?

I’m in.

I’m gonna be the youngest looking Mall Santa ever.

They don’t want me. Damn it.

Not sure if I trust myself with chemicals, but let’s try Lab Assistant.

Yes! I got the job. Alright.

It must be so bad at school to be given one of those nicknames

that just sticks with you forever.

Someone in my house was taking chemistry and he

spilled some chemical on his hand, called bromine,

and literally all the lads in my class just called him

“Bromine” for the next three years.