Answering SPICY questions I would usually avoid!

Hello! Welcome to potentially the
spiciest video on this channel.

Well, I though that, I asked you guys
to ask me anything and the first thing

I saw was "How big is your
baguette?" [boing sound effect]

I mean I've got a garlic roll
in the fridge, it's sliced into

(laughs) it's sliced into quite a lot
of pieces.

Read into that as you will.

But yeah, it's time for some metaphorical
nakedness as I delve into your juiciest questions.

Let's get sticky.

From the juice.
Of the questions.

Bad start.

"Are you have the gay?"

The gay, I do have.

"Do you want kids at some
point?"

Yes I want 9 kids all with fluffy tails,
I'm making a troupe of furries.

No, I'm not sure- (laughs) I'm not sure.
I dunno. I think so.

Maybe at some point. Definitely not in the
next 10 years.

I mean at this rate we're all gonna live
till we're 120 and be half-robots.

I think I'm gonna look at the world when
I'm like 47 and be like

"Do I wanna bring a little Phil into this?

Or, am I happy with my 97 dogs?"

I guess we'll see. [dog woof]

"Without showing names, show your last
5 twitter DMs and their follower count."

That is so specific.

Oo, okay, there is one celebrity in there
that hit me up for a sexy conversation

about politics. Apart from that, um, yeah,
nothing spicy.

"Why don't you dye your eyebrows black?"

Uh, rude! Once a girl came up to me
actually in a shopping centre and went

"You really need to dye your
eyebrows."

And that's become a bit of a complex
for me.

But I think I look good! I like my
eyebrows like this.

They might go a bit ginge in the
sun, that's fine! I don't care!

I think I'd look very severe with
black eyebrows.

I guess there's only one way to find out.
wait let me find a Sharpie.

Actually I've got a make-up thing
somewhere, wait.

[Spongebob voice] A few inches later

[beauty guru music]
I got professional make-up brow pencil!

It's not doing anything. Oh, it is!
Oh, it's doing it.

I'm gonna do this in the mirror so
it actually looks good.

[Spongebob voice] A few moments later

[beauty guru music] Okay, you ready?
(laughs)

[gasp sound effect] There we go.
(laughs) That does not work!

Maybe I put a bit too much here, wait.

Look at these little wrigglers on my face.

I feel like I can have more expressions now.

No, I'm taking it off.

"Do you regret doing a TV commercial?"

I do, regret that.

I mean I got paid 50 quid for it, so you
should know your worth people!

I was young though, and the idea
of doing some random TV advert

did seem funny and chaotic,
and it was, (laughs) in retrospect.

So, you should take some risks in your
life but generally, read contracts,

don't sell you soul to the devil,
unless he's hot.

"Worst sexy time experience?"

Can I say this? Okay, uh (laughs)

a kind of boyfriend I had at university
sent me a text asking me to write his name

on a certain part of my body.
(laughs)

Hey, I dunno where your mind's going,
it could be my earlobe.

Anyway, I did not do that.
Don't wanna shame anyone.

(laughing)

If you like people writing on
parts of their body, great!

"Have you ever smoked a weed?"

I mean, on- uh, uh, okay,

once a hot guy at a party was like
"Do you want some?"

And in my head I was like, "his mouth,
has been on it, and I'll look cool if I do."

And I coughed about 7 times and embarrassed
myself, so that was super cool

and I enjoyed thinking about it.

"Most selfish thing you've ever done?"

[sad music]
Are you tryna just, make me sad?

I had a friend, a childhood friend, and
she was having a wedding,

and she invited me to it, which is nice.

It's an honour to be invited to a
wedding, okay?

I totally forgot to write it in my
calendar and then I went to Vidcon,

didn't go to the wedding, and that really
upset her, obviously,

I mean she paid for food, and I
was a place at the wedding.

You should really go to one, if you say
you're gonna go to a wedding.

Anyway, I felt really bad, I was like,
"I'll pay you the money, I'll take you out for dinner,"

but she blocked me, on everything, and is
no longer my friend.

And I do feel bad, I don't think it was
fully selfish, but I really should have

organised my priorities and put it in
my calendar. I'm really sorry,

if you stumble across this for some
reason, (whispers) let's be friends.

"Why don't you swear on the internet?
We wouldn't mind it if you did swear."

Okay look, here's the thing, I do
swear in everyday life,

all the f[woof]ing time. No, (laughs)
not that much, just a bit.

However, I think originally, it was
because my parents and grandparents

watched my videos and I never swear around
them, it's like a thing in my family,

I dunno why, it's weird,
families are weird sometimes!

That was one thing, secondly I like that
my videos are kind of accessible to

most people, cause some people are
offended by swearing.

I mean, I will let some slide though,
like dick. I- (laughs)

I like that my mind just went to dick.
Uh, bitch. What else will I say on this channel?

Anything that's not the f word really.

Tit! (laughs)

Oh no, I've empowered myself!

"Will there be a garden attached
to the new house?"

Yeah, we do have outside space,
I'm so excited,

I kind of wanna get a rabbit, or a flock
of goats, which I'm sure the neighbours would love.

"Britain or US?"

Britain, kinda tips the scale for me. I
like the free health care, less guns.

We've got loads of our own problems
as well though, I kind of just wanna

move to New Zealand.

Take me with you hobbits!

"What's your worst memory of you
and Martyn?"

Once I did throw a spade at him.

I didn't realise spades had a sharp
edge okay, (laughs)

I thought I could just throw the spade.

Anyway, it hit him in the leg and really
hurt him and I felt terrible,

and that was almost a murderous
situation.

So yeah, don't throw spades at
your brother when you're 7.

"First boyfriend?"

(snazzy music) Okay, he had a cool name,
what should we call him- Sebastian!

I met him at university on a dating
app - not Grindr!

And, we hit it off! He was much cooler
than me, he worked at Abercrombie,

he was a bit annoying, actually
thinking back, but I was just like

"Wow you're hot I like you I love you,"
which I think is similar for anyone

that is getting into a relationship
for the first time, but yeah,

he came to my university a few times,
we hung out a lot.

I was like, "I'm in love with you!"

I don't think he really cared about me
that much, he bought me a plushie robot

though, which I was obsessed with,
I loved this robot.

And then, two weeks later, he cheated
on me. [sad music]

Big heartbreak for me, I was sad, I cried,
I ate a lot of Ben and Jerry's,

and then, all my university housemates
hosted [dramatic music] a robot burning

ceremony for me, [robot sound]

(laughs) on my behalf.

Do feel a bit bad that a robot had
to be murdered for my heart to be fixed.

Wow that was a sentence, but that's
how it goes sometimes!

"Least favourite zodiac sign?
Isolate some fans Phil!"

Um, probably Scorpio.
[gasp sound effect]

Look, I don't like creepy crawlies with
legs that wanna kill me.

Also, it's the cool, edgy one, so I'm
probably a little bit jealous as well.

"What's the most expensive item you've
ever bought apart from your house?"

Okay, you ready for me to flash some
cash? (hands slapping)

(laughs) Uh, it's inside this room.
You are inside it.

[surprise sound effect]
It's this camera!

I think it was about 2 to 3 thousand
pounds. Maybe that, or the iMac.

Oo, or actually the Japan holiday, if
you completely total everything we did,

and everywhere we went. That was definitely
expensive but, totally worth it.

"How old were you when you learned
about the birds and the bees?"

I was about 7, I found a dictionary,
and I just looked up sex to see what it was,

and I think it was very clinical, it was like
"it is the act of putting a penis in a vagina,"

and I just thought "Why would I wanna do that?"
and closed the book and went about with my day.

"Do you see our Instagram posts?"

I don't really search my name into
Instagram, would that be a bad idea?

I'm gonna do it, alright here we go.
[tropical music]

Uh, why am I tagged in this? That is
not me. I do like his swimming trunks.

[art by @usuallyartt !]
usuallyartt!

[art by @usuallyartt !]
That's cute, don't say you hate it,

[art by @usuallyartt !]
that's really nice!

phroggie.phan, what- what is this?
What abomination have you created?

(laughing) (dramatic music)

Okay I'm getting out, I'm getting out.

NO

"Ass or feet?"

Feet are just like extra hands on peoples'
legs, they freak me out a bit,

nothing sexy about that, so
we're back on the ass.

Another ass related question!

"Would you actually do an ass reveal
[cha-ching sound] for 3 million pounds?"

(laughs) If any of you were around for
this conversation, I did say I would do this.

Uh, if any brands wanna hit me up, sponsor me
for 3 million pounds I'll put your name on my ass!

I'll do an ass spon!

"Are there any Youtubers that you don't
like? No names needed, but I'm curious,

have you had bad experiences?"

Uh, some Youtubers back in the daily
vlogging boom were a bit annoying,

if I wasn't friends with them, like if I'm
friends with someone, sure,

I'll be in your vlog, that's great,
I've agreed to it.

But if someone just started filming
me before even saying "hello",

it just felt like they weren't respecting
my boundaries and making me be

content, rather than making me feel
content. (laughs)

Er, yeah, so it would have been nice to have a
"Hey Phil, can I film you for this video?"

and then start filming, at least, not be
like "Hi Phil, what's going on?"

So yeah, I'm not holding any grudges
about it, it was just a bit annoyin'.

"Show us a pic where you think you
look really good and genuinely

compliment yourself."
[snazzy music]

I think this'll be hard, and that's
something about myself I need to

improve, I don't like photos of myself
that much.

I always find it quite an ordeal to find
a picture that I like, and I should just

let it go, and not care, because I've got
a good face! My face is nice!

Let's do it! Let's give myself a bit of
self... love. Sounded weird.

You know what I mean.

[snazzy music] Phil, you look nice here,
you've got good hair, your face is nice,

your eyes are poppin, and generally,
you're a good looking chap.

[record scratch] No, that is irredeemable.
I'm so sorry.

"What is Dan's worst outfit?"

Probably the leather shirt. I know it was
cool, and fashionable at some point,

but I think we were meeting Smosh on the
day that Dan was wearing that,

and I was just scared that they'd think he
was weird, cause it was a weird shirt.

It did not look good. (laughs)

So, sorry Dan, I'm glad that one
went in the bin.

Maybe I accidentally threw it away.
I don't remember.

I mean, I'm saying that, look what
I was wearing.

And finally, let's do a random one.

"What shape is your bumhole?"

NO

I think that's enough,
(laughs) for today.

It's a triangle.

So there we go, hopefully you learnt
something new about me,

and you enjoyed this little
adventure.

If you enjoyed it, gimme a thumbs up.
[ding sound effect]

I've got like a million questions so I
could do another one of these,

if it was popular. Watch it again,
if you want.

Uh, you can check out my last video,
find out who my gay crushes are.

Subscribe, ding the bell, if you're
into dinging bells. [ding]

Hopefully you are.

And, I will see you guys
very soon.

Goodbye!