Awkward Moments Only Asians Understand

Cheese.

Oh, my god. You guys are so Asian right now.

I'm gonna be Asian too.

So, where are you from?

I'm from Texas.

No, I mean, like, where are your parents from?

You know, you're pretty tall for an Asian.

Oh, they're from Korea.

Where are your parents from?

Uh, Michigan.

No, where are your parents' ancestors from?

Uh, I don't know, like, Europe?

I just wanted to introduce you to Eugene over here.

Eugene, say hi to Stacy.

Hi, Stacy.

Yeah, well, Stacy's really into Asian guys,

so I figured it'd be a nice ... uh, you know?

It is so nice to finally meet your girlfriend.

Yeah, so, me and my friend were at 99 Ranch,

and we saw --

What's 99 Ranch?

Actually, I'm his sister.

Yeah, this is my girlfriend.

You don't know what 99 Ranch is?

Oh, it's that new bar, right?

Oh, such a banana. So, anyways, yeah, so we were...

[Speaking Chinese]

Um, I, I don't speak Mandarin.

Do you, do you think you could --

No, sorry.

So you're Chinese.

Taiwanese, actually.

You speak Cantonese.

Mandarin.

You know, my cousin's wife is Oriental.

Ah, so she's a rug.

Are you North or South Korean?

South.

How can you tell?

It's because I'm not trapped in North Korea.

No, she's from the Orient.

The Orient?

Yeah.

Ah, so we're in the 1950s right now.

I'd be the Red Ranger for sure.

I'd be the Blue Ranger.

You're the Yellow Ranger.

How do I change this setting?

Are you serious?

Yeah, I just got this phone.

You're like a bad Asian.

So my mom was like, "Uh, Eugene-a, a-why are you so skinny?"

You can say that? It feels, like, a little bit racist.

I mean, it's --

Were your parents upset that you wanted to go into entertainment?

[Scoffs] Of course, because I'm Asian, you think

my parents want me to be a doctor, or a lawyer, or engineer.

Okay, that's like a little racist, but it's cool.

So she was like, "Oh, Eugene-a."

No, no, you can't do it, though.

Oh, okay. Fair.

Oh, I wasn't trying to be offensive.

It's good that they're cool with it, though.

Nah, they wanted me to be a doctor.

Take a selfie with me.

Yeah, mom, that was my new girlfriend.

No, she's not Korean.

So glad I have minority friends. All my pictures are with white people.

Uh, you know, technically, Asians are the majority.

There are literally billions of us in the world.

Oh. Okay. Smile!

Oh, my god, I love that new HBO show.

It's so diverse.

Yeah ... There are no Asians on it.

Hey, Eugene, what's 28 times 72?

Yeah, but there are two black people.

And an Asian receptionist.

I don't know, it's like 1500?

Okay, thanks.

Are we all in the frame?

Yeah, you're all in. You're all in.

I just had this thought.

Like, if we had a baby together, it would be the most

beautiful half-Asian baby in the entire world. Right?

Yes, definitely.

... totally be half-Asian.

Dude, in general, half-Asian people are the most beautiful.

Oh, my god, I had the best "phoh" last night.

You mean "phuh".

Yeah, "phoh".

Hey, Eugene, I saw your "awkward moments only Asians understand" video.

As an Indian, where was the rest of Asia?

I went with my girlfriend Tammy Nuh-goo-yen.

Do you know her?

Nguyen? ("Wen")

I don't know. I think probably around 8:00.

So you might want to think about that next

time you label something Asian.

Ugh, it's awkward.

Is that your brother?

What?

It's on on you.

It's on on your cow.

Down, Bessie.

I am the great stone dragon!

Okay, let's go get [inaudible].

I'm the great stone dragon!

Yep. You are.