Jake and Amir: Reddit

You're watching Jake and Amir
Hey give me your hat

Woah bad hair
That's why I'm wearing a hat

Okay, dude, sorry but you have to stop
posting on Reddit

Relax, I only post cool and interesting stories
at most, 1 a month

You posted 3900 times today
I said at most!

Then you're using that word wrong

You're a bigger circle-jerking diva than
the commenters! And that's saying a lot

Right, the last thing you uploaded
30 seconds ago,

Was a picture of the guy from Futurama,
With, I think this is your dick

It's not
Photoshopped onto his forehead

Oh yeah it is

The text - not sure if ya'll commenters
are a bunch of circle jerking divas

Or if I'm universally hated by everybody
It's the second thing

It's called "A me-me"
No, it's called a meme

Wow, you know you also tried to start
a ton of AMA's

"I'm a coward and a fool whose Dad moved
out on him not once, not twelve, but a dozen times

Ask me anything"
Yeah!

"My Dad is a diva ask me anything"
Yeah!

"I'll go dickless for Michael Chiklis
Ask me almost anything

Yeah!
What is that?

AMA's! It's like an interview
It stands for "Ask Me Anytime"

Wrong - What the fuck is going dickless
for Michael Chiklis?

I needed the upvotes
You never get any upvotes!

You have thousands of downvotes!

It's called Karma Jake, and correct me
if I'm wrong, but I got a lot of it

You are wrong
Then correct me

What are these hundreds and hundreds
of posts on r/trees?

Just picture after picture of you trying
to light a joint, your eyebrows on fire

and you're crying and smiling
I'm an ent that needed the uptokes

Okay right I see that
"I'm high as a knife, ask me anything"

"If this gets 1000 uptokes
I won't kill myself"? So sad!

How's this for sad?
I was at a 3 when I wrote that

That is sad, because that's not very high
and you went to a really dark place

Threatening to kill yourself in an
online community where everybody hates you

Will you just uptoke it?

Okay I'll go dickless for Chiklis
Literally this afternoon if you uptoke it

I won't, because you know what?

Your comments on all these other posts
are actually really mean

aw - like on this video - one example
I'll give you a ton of examples!

Okay like on this video of a dog squealing
with joy when a soldier owner comes home

I already know what you're gonna say
and just know that I did it for the lolz

You did this for lolz?
"Why the bitch is this on the front page?"

"Am I the only one that thinks dogs aren't
cute or capable of having real emotion?"

Yeah!
"If this gets downvoted I'll shut up."

"My dick is off for Michael Chik
if this gets one more d-vote."

And guess what man?
Hundreds of downvotes

Really?
Yeah do you not check?

Do you follow up at all?
No, I never go back!

You would be depressed if you
went through your reddit history, okay

Here's another picture posted here
of the Pope and the caption says:

"Prays for starving children while sitting
on a golden throne."

laughs
What, you think that's funny now?

Yeah-
because you didn't when you left this comment

"Atheists fucks going to hell for talking
smack about this God guy."

"Bury me with downvotes
if you disagree."

You know, why do you ask for the downvotes?
I'm like a martyr!

"But, if you agree, meet me at blockbuster
because we're renting Rampart

and then we are ramming each others farts."
And then, right under that you write:

"Commenter above me is a philosopher,
upvote him to karma heaven."

Right under that, you write:
"I'm the Pope in this picture, ask me anything."

That thread was dead

Stop trying to protect yourself,
You're coming up with excuses

Just admit, nobody on reddit likes you
Nobody likes me

This guy, ForTheWolfX replied to you saying:
"Leave reddit alone, love everybody."

And his comment?
Got thousands of upvotes

Oh
And in response,

You decided to post a picture of Calvin
trying to piss on Michael Chiklis,

But there's no pee
yeah, guess why?

Did he go dickless?
He went dickless for him,

Yeah exactly right!
Ask him anytime!