-
>> PRINCIPAL VAGINA HERE
-
DON'T LET THE NAME FOOL YOU.
-
I'M VERY MUCH IN CHARGE
-
REMINDING YOU THAT TONIGHT IS
-
OUR ANNUAL FLU SEASON DANCE.
-
I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I
-
HAVE TO SAY THIS, BUT IF YOU
-
HAVE THE FLU, STAY HOME.
-
>> HEY.
-
>> THE FLU SEASON DANCE IS ABOUT
-
AWARENESS, NOT CELEBRATION.
-
>> Morty: [ SIGHS ]
-
>> YOU DON'T BRING DEAD BABIES
-
TO PASSOVER.
-
>> Morty: OKAY. HERE WE GO.
-
H-HEY, JESSICA.
-
UH...
-
>> WHAT'S UP, MORTY?
-
[ SNEEZES ]
-
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
-
>> Morty: UM...
-
>> WAIT, WAIT.
-
WERE YOU ABOUT TO TALK...TO HER?
-
>> Morty: WELL...I MEAN, I WAS
-
THINKING ABOUT IT.
-
>> DUDE, STAY IN YOUR LEAGUE.
-
LOOK AT HOW HOT SHE IS.
-
YOU DON'T SEE ME GOING TO A
-
BIGGER SCHOOL IN A WEALTHIER
-
DISTRICT AND HITTING ON THEIR
-
PRETTIEST GIRL.
-
>> GEE, THANKS, BRAD.
-
>> I THROW BALLS FAR.
-
YOU WANT GOOD WORDS?
-
DATE A LANGUAGER.
-
>> Jerry: TRY NOT TO WORRY ABOUT
-
IT, MORTY.
-
YOU'RE A GOOD KID, AND THERE'S
-
NOT A PREMIUM ON THAT RIGHT NOW,
-
BUT YOU'LL BE GETTING GIRLS
-
SOMETIME AFTER BRAD'S OUT OF
-
SHAPE.
-
>> Morty: [ Sighing ] YOU'RE
-
MISSING THE POINT, DAD.
-
I DON'T WANT GIRLS.
-
I WANT JESSICA.
-
>> Jerry: AH, WELL, I REMEMBER
-
FEELING THAT WAY ABOUT A YOUNG
-
LADY NAMED "YOUR MOM," AND
-
THAT'S NOT AN URBAN DISS.
-
YOUR MOM WAS MY JESSICA.
-
I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I SAW
-
HER.
-
I THOUGHT
-
>> Rick: "I SHOULD GET HER
-
PREGNANT, AND THEN SHE'LL HAVE
-
TO MARRY ME."
-
>> Jerry: I BEG YOUR PARDON,
-
RICK INAPPROPRIATE.
-
>> Rick: SORRY, PLEASE PROCEED
-
WITH YOUR STORY ABOUT BANGING MY
-
DAUGHTER IN HIGH SCHOOL.
-
I'M NOT SURE YOU WANT TO TAKE
-
ROMANTIC ADVICE FROM THIS GUY,
-
MORTY.
-
HIS MARRIAGE IS HANGING FROM A
-
THREAD.
-
>> Jerry: MY MARRIAGE IS FINE,
-
THANK YOU.
-
>> Rick: JERRY, IT'S YOUR
-
HOUSE WHATEVER YOU SAY IT IS
-
IS HOW IT IS BUT I THINK A
-
BLIND MAN COULD SEE THAT BETH IS
-
LOOKING FOR THE DOOR.
-
I BARELY HAVE A REASON TO CARE,
-
AND EVEN INOTICED.
-
>> Morty: COME ON, RICK!
-
DON'T TALK ABOUT MY PARENTS LIKE
-
THAT.
-
>> Rick: LISTEN, MORTY, I HATE
-
TO BREAK IT TO YOU, BUT WHAT
-
PEOPLE CALL "LOVE" IS JUST A
-
CHEMICAL REACTION THAT COMPELS
-
ANIMALS TO BREED.
-
IT HITS HARD, MORTY, THEN IT
-
SLOWLY FADES, LEAVING YOU
-
STRANDED IN A FAILING MARRIAGE.
-
I DID IT.
-
YOUR PARENTS ARE GONNA DO IT.
-
BREAK THE CYCLE, MORTY.
-
RISE ABOVE. FOCUS ON SCIENCE.
-
[ SLURPS ]
-
>> Morty: ALL RIGHT, WELL, I'M
-
GONNA GO GET DRESSED FOR THE
-
DANCE.
-
>> Jerry: YEAH, I'M JUST GOING
-
TO...CHECK ON YOUR MOM.
-
-
>> Rick: MORTY, HAND ME THAT
-
SCREWDRIVER, HUH?
-
I'M ALMOST FINISHED MAKING MY
-
IONIC DEFIBULIZER, MORTY.
-
IT'S GONNA BE GREAT.
-
>> Morty: HEY, LISTEN, RICK.
-
Y-Y-YOU KNOW HOW YOU SAID THAT,
-
YOU KNOW, LOVE IS A CHEMICAL AND
-
ALL THAT STUFF FROM EARLIER?
-
WELL, I WAS THINKING, YOU KNOW,
-
W-W COULD YOU MAKE SOME SORT
-
OF CHEMICAL THING HAPPEN INSIDE
-
OF JESSICA'S MIND, YOU KNOW, SO
-
WHERE SHE FALLS IN LOVE WITH ME
-
AND ALL THAT SORT OF THING?
-
YOU KNOW, LIKE, MAYBE MAKE SOME
-
SORT OF LOVE POTION OR
-
SOMETHING?
-
>> Rick: MORTY, THAT'S SUCH A
-
POOR USE OF MY TIME.
-
IT'S BENEATH ME.
-
HAND ME THE SCREWDRIVER.
-
>> Morty: YOU KNOW WHAT?
-
NO, RICK!
-
I'M NOT GONNA HAND YOU THE
-
SCREWDRIVER.
-
I-I'M NOT GONNA HAND YOU
-
ANYTHING EVER AGAIN, RICK!
-
I'M ALWAYS HELPING YOU WITH THIS
-
AND THAT AND THE OTHER THING.
-
W-W-W-W-W-WHAT ABOUT ME, RICK?
-
W-W-W-W-WHY CAN'T YOU JUST HELP
-
ME OUT ONCE ONCE FOR ONCE?
-
>> Rick: [ GROANS ]
-
YOU'RE GROWING UP FAST, MORTY.
-
YOU'RE GROWING INTO A REAL BIG
-
THORN STRAIGHT UP INTO MY ASS.
-
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
-
LISTEN, THIS IS CALLED OXYTOCIN.
-
I EXTRACTED IT FROM A VOLE.
-
DO YOU KNOW WHAT A VOLE IS,
-
MORTY?
-
YOU KNOW WHAT A VOLE IS?
-
IT'S A IT'S A RODENT THAT
-
MATES FOR LIFE, MORTY.
-
THIS IS THE CHEMICAL RELEASED IN
-
A MAMMAL'S BRAIN, YOU KNOW, THAT
-
MAKES IT FALL IN LOVE.
-
ALL RIGHT, MORTY, I JUST GOT TO
-
[BURPS] COMBINE IT WITH SOME OF
-
YOUR DNA.
-
>> Morty: OH, WELL, OKAY.
-
[ ZIPPER OPENS ]
-
>> Rick: A HAIR, MORTY.
-
I NEED ONE OF YOUR HAIRS.
-
THIS ISN'T "GAME OF THRONES."
-
>> Morty: OW!
-
>> Rick: ALL RIGHT, MORTY.
-
WHOEVER YOU SMEAR THIS STUFF ON
-
WILL FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU, AND
-
ONLY YOU, FOREVER.
-
ARE YOU HAPPY NOW, MORTY?
-
>> Morty: HECK, YEAH!
-
THANK YOU, GRANDPA RICK.
-
HEY, THERE'S NO...DANGERS OR
-
ANYTHING, OR SIDE EFFECTS,
-
RIGHT?
-
>> Rick: W-W-W-WHAT AM I, A
-
HACK?
-
GO NUTS, MORTY. IT'S FOOLPROOF.
-
EH, UNLESS SHE HAS THE FLU.
-
>> Jerry: BETH, DO Y-YOU STILL
-
LOVE ME?
-
>> Beth: UGH, WHAT KIND OF
-
QUESTION IS THAT?
-
>> Jerry: THE "YES OR NO" KIND?
-
[ LAUGHS NERVOUSLY ]
-
>> Beth: JERRY, DO YOU WANT
-
HOMELESS PEOPLE TO HAVE HOMES?
-
>> Jerry: YES.
-
>> Beth: ARE YOU GONNA BUILD
-
THEM?
-
>> Jerry: NO.
-
>> Beth: THEN WHAT GOOD WAS THE
-
"YES"?
-
>> Jerry: WAIT, I-IS LOVING ME
-
THE HOUSE OR THE HOMELESS
-
PEOPLE?
-
>> Beth: LOVING YOU IS WORK,
-
JERRY HARD WORK, LIKE
-
BUILDING A HOMELESS SHELTER
-
NOBODY WANTS TO SAY NO TO DOING
-
IT, BUT SOME PEOPLE PUT THE WORK
-
IN.
-
SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY?
-
DO YOU SEE ME WORKING HERE?
-
DOES THIS CONVERSATION SEEM
-
TEDIOUS TO ME?
-
>> Jerry: SORT OF.
-
>> Beth: THEN I OBVIOUSLY SORT
-
OFLOVE YOU, DON'T I?
-
[ CELLPHONE CHIMES ]
-
SO STOP ASKING, AND MAYBE I'LL
-
LOVE YOU MORE.
-
CRAP, THEY NEED ME AT THE HORSE
-
HOSPITAL.
-
>> Jerry: PUH! THIS LATE?
-
>> Beth: THE RACETRACK HAD A
-
STARLIGHT DERBY.
-
THERE WAS A SEVEN-HORSE
-
COLLISION, AND DAVIN'S THERE
-
ALONE.
-
>> Jerry: [ Thinking ] DAVIN.
-
DAVIN.
-
DAVIN! DAVIN.
-
DAVIN! DAVIN!
-
DAVIN! DAVIN!
-
>> [ Rapping ] ♪ ♪ FLU, YO ♪ ♪
-
♪ ♪ YOU GOT TO BE AWARE ♪ ♪
-
♪ ♪ AWARE OF ALL THE FLU ♪ ♪
-
♪ ♪ UP IN THE AIR ♪ ♪
-
♪ ♪ I'M-A GET ME A SHOT ♪ ♪
-
♪ ♪ AND MAKE THE FLU GO AWAY ♪ ♪
-
♪ ♪ FLU-HATING RAPPER ♪ ♪
-
♪ ♪ JUST RAPPING AWAY ♪ ♪
-
♪ ♪ YO, YO, FLU-HATING RAPPER ♪ ♪
-
♪ ♪ IT'S A FLU-HATING RAPPER ♪ ♪
-
>> Morty: HEY, THERE, JESSICA.
-
WHOA! OH, WHOOPSIE!
-
>> OH, MY GOD.
-
MORTY.
-
YOU LOOK REALLY NICE TONIGHT.
-
>> Morty: WOW, THANKS.
-
>> I LOVE YOU, MORTY!
-
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IT BURNS!
-
>> Morty: OH, MAN!
-
I-I LOVE YOU TOO, JESSICA!
-
>> [ SPITS ]
-
IS THIS PUNK BOTHERING YOU,
-
JESSICA?
-
>> LEAVE HIM ALONE, JERK!
-
I'M IN LOVE WITH HIM!
-
HE IS MORE MAN THAN YOU WILL
-
EVER BE!
-
[ SNEEZES ]
-
>> [ Rapping ] ♪ ♪ THIS IS ABOUT
-
FLU AWARENESS ♪ ♪
-
♪ ♪ GOT TO BE AWARE OF THE FLU IN
-
THE AIR-NESS ♪ ♪
-
♪ ♪ YO, I'M A FLU-HATING RAPPER ♪ ♪
-
>> OH, MAN, MORTY.
-
[ SIGHS ]
-
I'M REALLY SORRY.
-
>> Morty: OH, WELL, N-NO
-
PROBLEM, BRAD.
-
>> THERE'S SOMETHING SPECIAL
-
ABOUT YOU, MORTY SO SPECIAL.
-
MMM, YEAH.
-
>> Morty: WHOA, TAKE IT EASY!
-
>> GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF HIM!
-
>> BACK OFF!
-
I'M TRYING TO BE WITH MY MAN!
-
>> THAT'S ENOUGH, BRADLEY!
-
WE DON'T WANT YOU INJURING YOUR
-
BALL-THROWING ARM.
-
>> OH, COME ON,
-
PRINCIPAL VAGINA.
-
I JUST...
-
>> NEVER LEAVE ME, MORTY.
-
NEVER!
-
>> Morty: UH, SURE.
-
I MEAN, O-OF COURSE NOT.
-
W-WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT WAS ALL
-
ABOUT?
-
>> WHO CARES? JUST HOLD ME.
-
>> LET ME GO! I LOVE YOU, MORTY!
-
[ SNEEZES ]
-
LET GO OF ME!
-
[ SNEEZES ]
-
MORTY!
-
-
>> Jerry: SHE'S GONNA BE ALONE
-
WITH THAT GUY ALL NIGHT.
-
>> Summer: YEAH, DAD, DIGGING
-
AROUND THE INSIDES OF HORSES.
-
IT'S NOT A VERY ROMANTIC
-
SETTING.
-
>> Rick: WELL, SUMMER, THERE'S
-
ALWAYS THE POSSIBILITY THAT SHE
-
MADE THE WHOLE WORK THING UP.
-
MAYBE DAVIN'S DIGGING AROUND IN
-
HERINSIDES.
-
>> Summer: GRANDPA, SO GROSS!
-
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT MY MOM.
-
>> Rick: WELL, SHE'S MY
-
DAUGHTER, SUMMER.
-
I OUTRANK YOU.
-
OR FAMILY MEANS NOTHING, IN
-
WHICH CASE DON'T PLAY THAT CARD.
-
>> Jerry: SHE'S NOT RESPONDING
-
TO MY TEXTS!
-
>> Summer: CAREFUL, DAD.
-
JEALOUSY TURNS WOMEN OFF.
-
>> Jerry: WELL, ISN'T THAT
-
CONVENIENT?
-
>> Rick: NOT FOR THE MEN THEY
-
CHEAT ON, NO.
-
>> Jerry: OKAY, I'M...GOING TO
-
GO OUT...FOR SOME ICE CREAM.
-
AND MAYBE STOP BY THE
-
HOSPITAL...TO SUPPORT MY WIFE...
-
WITH MY CONFIDENCE.
-
[ DOOR CLOSES ]
-
>> Summer: GOD, GRANDPA, YOU'RE
-
SUCH A DICK.
-
>> Rick: I'M SORRY, SUMMER.
-
YOUR OPINION MEANS VERY LITTLE
-
TO ME.
-
HOW COME YOU'RE NOT AT THIS
-
STUPID DANCE EVERYONE LOVES SO
-
MUCH?
-
>> Summer: SCREW THAT.
-
I DON'T WANT TO GET SICK.
-
IT'S FLU SEASON.
-
>> Rick: IT IS?
-
>> Summer: YEAH.
-
>> Rick: UH-OH.
-
[ HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS ]
-
-
>> Morty: PLEASE JUST LET THIS
-
WORK OUT.
-
>> [ MOANS ]
-
DO IT, MORTY. DO IT.
-
RIP MY CLOTHES OFF AND MATE WITH
-
ME FOR LIFE!
-
[ GROWLS ]
-
>> Morty: UM...
-
CAN WE MAYBE GO SOMEWHERE MORE
-
PRIVATE?
-
>> JESSICA, GET A HOLD OF
-
YOURSELF!
-
[ GRUNTS ]
-
YOU DON'T DESERVE TO CARRY
-
MORTY'S GENES.
-
>> [ Rapping ] ♪ ♪ I LOVE MORTY ♪ ♪
-
♪ ♪ AND I HOPE MORTY LOVES ME ♪ ♪
-
♪ ♪ I'D LIKE TO WRAP MY ARMS
-
AROUND HIM ♪ ♪
-
♪ ♪ AND FEEL HIM INSIDE ME ♪ ♪
-
>> Morty: OH, CRAP.
-
[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]
-
>> MORTY!
-
>> Rick: MORTY, COME ON!
-
WE GOT TO GET YOU OUT OF HERE.
-
YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS
-
BECAUSE IT USUALLY NEVER
-
HAPPENS, BUT I MADE A MISTAKE.
-
[ BOTH PANTING ]
-
COME ON, MORTY.
-
WE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.
-
COME ON.
-
>> MORTY!
-
>> Morty: [ WAILS ]
-
>> ARE YOU OKAY?
-
>> Morty: I'M FINE!
-
>> OH, GOOD.
-
IF ANYTHING EVER HAPPENED TO
-
YOU, I WOULD KILL MYSELF.
-
I LOVE YOU BAD, MO-MO!
-
[ ALL PANTING ]
-
[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]
-
>> MORTY, THE PRINCIPAL AND I
-
HAVE DISCUSSED IT, A-A-AND WE'RE
-
BOTH INSECURE ENOUGH TO AGREE TO
-
A THREE-WAY!
-
-
>> Rick: I DIDN'T REALIZE WHEN I
-
GAVE YOU THAT SERUM THAT JESSICA
-
HAD THE FLU YOU KNOW,
-
T-T-T-T-T-T-T-THAT MIGHT HAVE
-
BEEN VALUABLE INFORMATION FOR
-
ME, MORTY.
-
>> Morty: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING
-
ON, RICK?
-
>> Rick: WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?
-
T-T-T-THE SERUM IS PIGGYBACKING
-
ON THE VIRUS.
-
IT'S GONE AIRBORNE, MORTY.
-
>> Morty: OH, CRAP.
-
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO, RICK?
-
>> Rick: IT'S GONNA BE FINE,
-
MORTY, RELAX.
-
I WHIPPED UP AND ANTIDOTE.
-
IT'S BASED ON PRAYING-MANTIS
-
DNA.
-
YOU KNOW, PRAYING MANTISES ARE
-
THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF VOLES,
-
MORTY.
-
I MEAN, THEY THEY MATE ONCE,
-
AND THEN THEY, YOU KNOW,
-
DECAPITATE THE PARTNER.
-
I MEAN, IT'S A WHOLE RITUAL.
-
IT'S REALLY GRUESOME AND TOTALLY
-
OPPOSITE.
-
THERE'S NO LOVE AT ALL.
-
I-I-I BASICALLY MIXED THIS WITH
-
A MORE CONTAGIOUS FLU VIRUS.
-
IT SHOULD NEUTRALIZE THE WHOLE
-
THING, MORTY.
-
IT'LL ALL BE OVER VERY SHORTLY.
-
[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]
-
-
UH, BY THE WAY, MORTY, I KNOW
-
YOU DIDN'T ASK OR ANYTHING, BUT
-
I'M NOT INTERESTED IN HAVING SEX
-
WITH YOU.
-
THESE SERUMS, THEY DON'T WORK ON
-
ANYBODY RELATED TO YOU
-
GENETICALLY.
-
>> MORTY!
-
[ ALL GROANING ]
-
-
>> Rick: OKAY, WELL, SOMETIMES,
-
SCIENCE IS MORE ART THAN
-
SCIENCE, MORTY.
-
A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T GET THAT.
-
-
-
>> Jerry: [ GASPS ]
-
[ TIRES SCREECH ]
-
COME ON. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
-
HELLO!
-
>> MORTY!
-
>> YOU'RE NOT MORTY!
-
BRING US MORTY!
-
-
[ GUN COCKS ]
-
>> Jerry: NOBODY'S KILLING ME
-
UNTIL AFTER I CATCH MY WIFE WITH
-
ANOTHER MAN.
-
>> I HAD SEX WITH BILLY.
-
>> BUT YOU WERE ALREADY
-
PREGNANT!
-
>> YEAH, SO WHAT'S THE WORST
-
THAT COULD HAPPEN?
-
>> WE INTERRUPT "PREGNANT BABY"
-
WITH BREAKING NEWS.
-
>> Summer: [ GROANS ] COME ON.
-
>> THIS JUST IN MORTY SMITH'S
-
WHEREABOUTS ARE STILL UNKNOWN.
-
>> Summer: WHAT THE HELL?
-
>> THE ONLY THING THAT IS KNOWN
-
IS...HOW CUTE HE IS.
-
>> I LOVE HIM SO MUCH, I WANT TO
-
MAKE LOVE TO HIM AND THEN EAT
-
HIS HEAD.
-
>> I LOVE HIM MORE THAN YOU DO,
-
HAROLD!
-
>> YOU WISH, YOU STUPID BITCH!
-
>> MORTY'S MINE!
-
>> MORTY'S MINE!
-
>> MEANT TO BE TOGETHER!
-
>> [ SPEAKING ARABIC]
-
MORTY!
-
[ SPEAKING ARABIC]
-
[ BANGING ON DOOR ]
-
>> WHERE IS MORTY?
-
>> Summer: [ SCREAMS ]
-
-
[ CONVERSING IN NATIVE
-
LANGUAGE]
-
>> Morty: OH, MY GOD, RICK.
-
THE WHOLE WORLD IS INFECTED!
-
>> Rick: YEAH, IT'S PRETTY WILD
-
HOW FAST THAT SPREAD.
-
I'VE REALLY OUTDONE MYSELF.
-
>> Morty: OUTDONE YOURSELF?!
-
W-W A-ARE ARE YOU KIDDING
-
ME, RICK?
-
THIS IS NOT OKAY!
-
NOT ONLY DO THEY ALL WANT TO
-
HAVE SEX WITH ME, BUT, YOU KNOW,
-
NOW THEY WANT TO EAT ME
-
AFTERWARDS!
-
>> Rick: YEAH, I DON'T KNOW WHAT
-
I WAS THINKING.
-
MANTISES ARE THEY OPPOSITE OF
-
VOLES?
-
I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY, DNA's A
-
LITTLE MORE COMPLICATED THAN
-
THAT.
-
YOU KNOW WHAT, THOUGH, MORTY?
-
THIS RIGHT HERE'S GONNA DO THE
-
TRICK, BABY.
-
IT'S KOALA MIXED WITH
-
RATTLESNAKE, CHIMPANZEE, CACTUS,
-
SHARK, GOLDEN RETRIEVER, AND
-
JUST A SMIDGE OF DINOSAUR.
-
SHOULD ADD UP TO NORMAL
-
HUMANITY.
-
>> Morty: I DON'T THAT
-
DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE, RICK.
-
HOW DOES THAT ADD UP TO NORMAL
-
HUMANITY?
-
>> Morty: WHAT, MORTY, YOU WANT
-
ME TO SHOW YOU MY MATH?
-
I'M SORRY A-ARE YOU THE
-
SCIENTIST OR ARE YOU THE KID
-
THAT WANTED TO GET LAID?
-
-
>> [ EXHALES DEEPLY ]
-
WELL, I'M GLAD WE SAVED ALL
-
THOSE HORSES, BUT I'M ALMOST
-
SORRY WE'RE FINISHED.
-
>> Beth: YES, IT'S SATISFYING
-
WORK.
-
>> UNH-UNH-UNH, IT'S, UH
-
IT'S MORE THAN THE WORK.
-
I LOVE BEING IN THAT STERILIZED
-
ROOM, SEALED OFF FROM THE WORLD.
-
IT'S THE ONLY TIME I CAN REALLY
-
THINK...AND FEEL.
-
[ SLOW MUSIC PLAYS ]
-
>> Beth: HMM, UH, WHAT ARE YOU
-
DOING?
-
>> I'M PLAYING AFRICAN DREAM
-
POP.
-
WHAT DO YOUDO AFTER A LONG
-
NIGHT?
-
[ CLICK ]
-
>> Beth: OH, HA, UM, HEY, I B
-
I'D BETTER GET GOING.
-
UM, JERRY'S BEEN TEXTING SOME
-
PRETTY HIGH-MAINTENANCE STUFF.
-
>> BETH...
-
>> Beth: WHAT IS IT, DAVIN?
-
>> JUST ONCE, I'D LIKE TO
-
KNOW
-
[ SNEEZES ]
-
...W-W-WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO GIVE
-
YOUR SON A BATH.
-
>> Beth: WHAT?!
-
>> WHAT DOES MORTY'S SKIN SMELL
-
LIKE?
-
HOW SOFT...
-
[ GRUNTS ]
-
HOW SOFT ARE HIS PRIVATES?
-
>> Beth: LET GO OF ME, DAVIN!
-
-
[ GLASS SHATTERS ]
-
>> [ ROARS ]
-
TAKE ME TO MORTY.
-
>> Jerry: [ GRUNTS ]
-
>> YOU'RE NOT MORTY.
-
>> Jerry: NO.
-
I'M MR. CROWBAR, AND THIS IS
-
MY FRIEND, WHO IS ALSO A
-
CROWBAR.
-
>> THAT'S...STUPID.
-
>> Jerry: [ GRUNTING ]
-
YEAH?
-
WELL, LOOK WHERE BEING SMART GOT
-
YOU.
-
>> Beth: JERRY! THANK GOD!
-
>> Jerry: GOD?
-
GOD'S TURNING PEOPLE INTO INSECT
-
MONSTERS, BETH.
-
I'M THE ONE BEATING THEM TO
-
DEATH.
-
THANK ME.
-
>> Beth: THANK YOU, JERRY.
-
THANK YOU.
-
-
>> Rick: TAKE A GOOD LOOK DOWN
-
THERE, MORTY, AND SOAK IT IN,
-
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, ONCE I PULL
-
THIS LEVER, IT'S ALL BACK TO
-
NORMAL.
-
>> Morty: JUST DO IT ALREADY.
-
>> Rick: WELL, TECHNICALLY,
-
MORTY, THERE'S NO RUSH.
-
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, O-ONCE IT'S
-
FIXED, IT'S DONE.
-
IT'S FIXED.
-
YOU KNOW, WE COULD WE COULD
-
JUST ENJOY IT FOR A LITTLE BIT.
-
I MEAN, L-L-L-LOOK AT HOW CRAZY
-
IT IS.
-
I MEAN, MORTY, W-W-WHEN'S THE
-
NEXT TIME YOU'RE GONNA SEE
-
SOMETHING LIKE THIS?
-
I MEAN, SOAK IT IN, YOU KNOW?
-
IT'S IT'S PRETTY NEAT.
-
IT'S PRETTY INTERESTING.
-
>> Morty: THAT'S IT, RICK!
-
I'M PULLING THE LEVER.
-
[ GRUNTS ]
-
-
>> Rick: W-WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE,
-
MORTY?
-
LOOKS LIKE I WAS RIGHT AND YOU
-
WERE WRONG, HUH?
-
I-I-I-I-I-I-I BET YOU FEEL
-
PRETTY STUPID RIGHT ABOUT NOW,
-
HUH?
-
I-I-I BET YOU FEEL LIKE THE
-
WORLD'S SMALLEST MAN THAT YOU
-
WERE DOUBTING ME ABOUT THIS
-
WHOLE THING, MORTY.
-
>> Morty: OH, RICK, SOMETHING'S
-
NOT RIGHT.
-
>> Rick: [ SIGHS ]
-
YEAH, YOU.
-
YOU'RE NOT RIGHT EVER.
-
>> Morty: NO, NO!
-
LOOK, YOU IDIOT!
-
[ ALL SCREAMING ]
-
-
[ ALL SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE ]
-
[ ALL GROANING ]
-
-
[ ALL ULULATING ]
-
>> Rick: BET YOU'RE LOVING THIS,
-
MORTY.
-
THIS MUST BE THE BEST DAY OF
-
YOUR LIFE.
-
YOU GET TO BE THE MAYOR OF
-
I TOLD YOU TOWN.
-
[ SLURPS ]
-
YOU'RE WELCOME.
-
[ SLURPS ]
-
-
>> Jerry: HOLD ON.
-
>> Beth: [ WHIMPERS ]
-
[ ENGINE REVS, TIRES SQUEAL ]
-
-
[ GUN COCKS ]
-
>> Jerry: I WISH THAT SHOTGUN
-
WAS MY PENIS.
-
>> Beth: IF IT WERE, YOU COULD
-
CALL ME ERNEST HEMINGWAY.
-
>> Jerry: I DON'T GET IT, AND I
-
DON'T NEED TO.
-
[ BOTH MOANING ]
-
>> Summer: MOM! DAD!
-
>> Both: SUMMER!
-
>> Beth: [ SIGHS ]
-
>> Jerry: WHERE'S MORTY?
-
>> Summer: I DON'T KNOW.
-
DO YOU THINK GRANDPA RICK HAD
-
SOMETHING TO DO WITH THIS?
-
>> Jerry: IT'S NOT FAIR TO
-
ASSUME THAT, SUMMER.
-
>> Beth: OH, NOT FAIR?
-
GIVE ME A BREAK.
-
HE IS A SELFISH, IRRESPONSIBLE
-
ASS, AND HE LEFT MY MOTHER.
-
A REAL MAN STANDS BY HIS WOMAN.
-
[ BOTH MOANING ]
-
>> Summer: Tchoo.
-
Tchoo-tchoo-tchoo. Tchoo-tchoo.
-
>> Rick: BOY, MORTY, I REALLY
-
CRONENBERGED THE WORLD UP,
-
DIDN'T I?
-
WE GOT A WHOLE PLANET OF
-
CRONENBERGS WALKING AROUND DOWN
-
THERE, MORTY.
-
A-AT LEAST THEY'RE NOT IN LOVE
-
WITH YOU ANYMORE, THOUGH.
-
THAT'S A HUGE STEP IN THE RIGHT
-
DIRECTION.
-
>> Morty: OH, MY GOD!
-
IT'S A LIVING NIGHTMARE!
-
HOW COULD YOU BE SO
-
IRRESPONSIBLE, RICK?
-
>> Rick: ME IRRESPONSIBLE?!
-
YOU ALL I WANTED YOU TO DO
-
WAS HAND ME A SCREWDRIVER,
-
MORTY!
-
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WANTED TO
-
BE WANTED ME TO BUCKLE DOWN
-
AND MAKE YOU UP A...ROOFIE-JUICE
-
SERUM SO YOU COULD ROOFIE THAT
-
POOR GIRL AT YOUR SCHOOL.
-
I MEAN, G W-W-W-W-W W
-
ARE YOU KIDDING ME, MORTY?
-
YOU'RE GONNA TRY TO TAKE THE
-
HIGH ROAD ON THIS ONE?
-
Y-Y-Y-Y-YOU'RE A LITTLE CREEP,
-
MORTY.
-
Y-YOU'RE A YOU'RE
-
YOU'RE YOU'RE JUST A LITTLE
-
CREEPY...CREEP PERSON.
-
>> Morty: ALL RIGHT, FINE.
-
I SHOULD HAVE JUST LISTENED TO
-
YOU WHEN YOU REFUSED TO MAKE THE
-
SERUM.
-
I'M WILLING TO ACCEPT MY PART OF
-
THE BLAME FOR THIS, RICK.
-
BUT I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING
-
YOU KNOW WHAT?
-
YOU GOT TO ACCEPT YOUR PART OF
-
THE BLAME!
-
I'M NOT THE ONE WHO FOULED UP
-
THE SERUM!
-
I'M NOT THE ONE WHO WHO
-
WHO WHO HAPHAZARDLY, YOU
-
KNOW, MIXED A BUNCH OF NONSENSE
-
TOGETHER AND CREATED A BUNCH OF
-
CRONENBERGS!
-
YOU GOT TO FIX THIS, RICK!
-
>> Morty: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
-
MORTY.
-
YOU KNOW, W-W-W-WE ARE IN A
-
PRETTY DEEP HOLE, HERE, BUT I DO
-
HAVE ONE EMERGENCY SOLUTION THAT
-
I CAN USE THAT'LL KIND OF PUT
-
EVERYTHING BACK TO NORMAL,
-
RELATIVELY SPEAKING.
-
HERE, MORTY, PUT THIS ON WHILE I
-
DO A LITTLE BIT OF SCOUTING.
-
-
[ BIRDS CHIRPING ]
-
-
>> Morty: WOW, RICK, I GOT TO
-
SAY YOU REALLY PULLED A
-
RABBIT OUT OF YOUR HAT THIS
-
TIME.
-
I MEAN, I-I REALLY THOUGHT THAT
-
THE WHOLE PLACE WAS GONNA BE
-
MESSED UP FOR GOOD, BUT HERE,
-
YOU DID IT Y-Y-YOU YOU
-
YOU FIGURED OUT THAT CRAZY
-
SOLUTION, LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO.
-
WHOO!
-
THAT'S SOME GREAT LUCK.
-
>> Rick: COME ON, MORTY.
-
LUCK HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.
-
I'M GREAT.
-
THAT'S THE REAL REASON.
-
NOW, MORTY, WHAT DO YOU SAY,
-
BUDDY?
-
WILL YOU HAND ME A SCREWDRIVER
-
SO I CAN FINISH MY IONIC DIS
-
DEFIBULIZER?
-
>> Morty: SURE THING, RICK.
-
HERE'S A SCREWDRIVER.
-
>> Rick: ALL RIGHT, MORTY.
-
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
-
WE GOT ONE SCREW TURN...AND TWO
-
SCREW TURNS...AND...
-
-
ALL RIGHT, MORTY, HERE WE ARE.
-
>> Morty: OH, MY GOD, RICK!
-
IS THAT US?!
-
W-W-W-WE'RE DEAD!
-
WHAT IS GOING ON, RICK?
-
I'M FREAKING OUT!
-
>> Rick: CALM DOWN, MORTY!
-
LOOK AT ME! CALM DOWN, MORTY!
-
>> Morty: NO, I CAN'T DEAL WITH
-
THIS!
-
>> Rick: CALM YOURSELF, MORTY.
-
>> Morty: I CAN'T DEAL WITH
-
THIS, RICK!
-
>> Rick: CALM DOWN, MORTY.
-
>> Morty: THIS CAN'T BE REAL!
-
>> Rick: YOU GOT TO CALM DOWN,
-
MORTY.
-
>> Morty: W-W-W-W-WE'RE RIPPED
-
APART!
-
>> Rick: SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO
-
ME!
-
IT'S FINE. EVERYTHING IS FINE.
-
THERE'S AN INFINITE NUMBER OF
-
REALITIES, MORTY, AND IN A FEW
-
DOZEN OF THOSE, I GOT LUCKY AND
-
TURNED EVERYTHING BACK TO
-
NORMAL.
-
I JUST HAD TO FIND ONE OF THOSE
-
REALITIES IN WHICH WE ALSO
-
HAPPEN TO BOTH DIE AROUND THIS
-
TIME.
-
NOW WE CAN JUST SLIP INTO THE
-
PLACE OF OUR DEAD SELVES IN THIS
-
REALITY AND EVERYTHING WILL BE
-
FINE.
-
WE'RE NOT SKIPPING A BEAT,
-
MORTY.
-
NOW, HELP ME WITH THESE BODIES.
-
>> Morty: THIS IS INSANE.
-
>> Rick: LOOK, MORTY, I'LL GRAB
-
MYSELF, YOU GRAB YOURSELF, OKAY?
-
I MEAN, T-T-T-THAT SEEMS FAIR TO
-
ME I MEAN, THAT SEEMS LIKE A
-
FAIR WAY TO DIVVY IT UP.
-
>> Morty: RICK, WHAT ABOUT THE
-
REALITY WE LEFT BEHIND?
-
>> Rick: WHAT ABOUT THE REALITY
-
WHERE HITLER CURED CANCER,
-
MORTY?
-
THE ANSWER IS DON'T THINK ABOUT
-
IT.
-
IT'S NOT LIKE WE CAN DO THIS
-
EVERY WEEK, ANYWAYS.
-
WE GET THREE OR FOUR MORE OF
-
THESE, TOPS.
-
NOW, PICK UP YOUR DEAD SELF AND
-
COME ON.
-
HASTE MAKES WASTE.
-
I-I-I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU'VE
-
CONSIDERED THIS DETAIL, BUT
-
OBVIOUSLY, IF I HADN'T SCREWED
-
UP AS MUCH AS I DID, WE'D BE
-
THESE GUYS RIGHT NOW, SO, AGAIN,
-
YOU'RE WELCOME.
-
-
>> ♪ ♪ LOOK ON DOWN FROM THE
-
BRIDGE ♪ ♪
-
♪ ♪ THERE'S STILL FOUNTAINS DOWN
-
THERE ♪ ♪
-
♪ ♪ LOOK ON DOWN FROM THE BRIDGE ♪ ♪
-
♪ ♪ IT'S STILL RAINING UP HERE ♪ ♪
-
♪ ♪ EVERYBODY SEEMS SO FAR AWAY
-
FROM ME ♪ ♪
-
♪ ♪ EVERYBODY JUST WANTS TO BE
-
FREE ♪ ♪
-
♪ ♪ LOOK AWAY FROM THE SKY ♪ ♪
-
♪ ♪ IT'S NO DIFFERENT WHEN YOU'RE
-
LEAVING HOME ♪ ♪
-
-
♪ ♪ I CAN'T BE THE SAME THING TO
-
YOU NOW ♪ ♪
-
♪ ♪ I'M JUST GONE ♪ ♪
-
♪ ♪ JUST GONE ♪ ♪
-
♪ ♪ HOW COULD I SAY GOODBYE? ♪ ♪
-
♪ ♪ HOW COULD I SAY GOODBYE? ♪ ♪
-
-
>> Summer: YOU KNOW, THE THING
-
ABOUT A SHARK...
-
HE'S GOT LIFELESS EYES...
-
BLACK EYES, LIKE A DOLL'S EYES.
-
WHEN HE COMES AT YA, HE DOESN'T
-
SEEM TO BE LIVING UNTIL HE BITES
-
YA, AND THEN THE THE BLOOD,
-
AND THE RED, AND THE WATER...
-
>> Jerry: [ SIGHS ]
-
YOU EVER WONDER WHAT HAPPENED TO
-
RICK AND MORTY?
-
>> Beth: SOMETIMES.
-
BUT, I'M ASHAMED TO ADMIT, NOW
-
THAT THEY'RE GONE, I'M FINALLY
-
HAPPY.
-
>> Rick: HERE WE ARE,
-
CRONENBERG MORTY A REALITY
-
WHERE EVERYONE IN THE WORLD GOT
-
GENETICALLY CRONENBERGED.
-
WE'LL FIT RIGHT IN,
-
CRONENBERG MORTY.
-
IT'LL BE LIKE WE NEVER EVEN LEFT
-
CRONENBERG WORLD.
-
>> Morty: YEAH, CRONENBERG RICK,
-
BUT, YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA MISS
-
CRONENBERG WORLD, BECAUSE
-
EVERYONE WAS CRONENBERGED ALL
-
ALONG LIKE US FROM THE
-
BEGINNING, YOU KNOW?
-
I MEAN, I-I WISH WE HADN'T
-
GENETICALLY RUINED CRONENBERG
-
WORLD BEYOND REPAIR LIKE WE DID,
-
YOU KNOW, AND TURNED EVERYONE
-
INTO REGULAR, NORMAL PEOPLE JUST
-
WALKING AROUND.
-
>> Rick: DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT
-
THAT SORT OF THING,
-
CRONENBERG MORTY.
-
LET'S GO MAKE OURSELVES AT HOME,
-
HUH?
-
-