Smoking Pot - Louis CK Live from the Beacon Theatre (2011)

An excerpt from his 2011 stand up special; watch the full show here: https://buy.louisck.net/purchase/live-at-the-beacon-theater

I can't smoke pot 'cause it's the same thing, I'm too old for it.

Sometimes young people come up to me after shows, "Hey do you wanna smoke some pot?"

I'm like, "can I get my portion to smoke without you alone later, because I don't wanna stand in a parking lot with 20 year olds."

Last time I got high, I was in Kansas City and I got high 'cause.. I was in Kansas City and it's shitty

After the show, these kids that worked at the club were like, "you wanna smoke some pot?"

and I'm like, "Yes"

So I'm standing in a parking lot with these kids like 20 years old smoking a joint

and I'm taking huge hits 'cause I had no idea, I didn't know they've been working on this shit like it's the cure for cancer

I didn't understand the fucking technology that's gone into making pot so powerful

When I was a kid you just smoke a joint for a while, now you take 2 hits and you go insane!

It's not doable anymore

and I was taking BIG hits, like big 1970s jean-jacket, bad company hits

And I'm like yeaaah

And even the kid with the wooden hole of no ear, the absence of flesh in his ear with wood, I don't know what that is

even he was like, "you should be careful, that's a lot of pot, that's very strong marijuana."

"Yeah, I'm fine"

And in about 10 seconds, everything just..

and I'm like, "oh shit."

This is an ordeal now, I'm not gonna feel okay for a very long time

Everyone is just standing around talking and I'm hoping like I'm really hoping that I look like this

But I'm pretty sure that I was just scanning insanely

I was actually counting like, "Look at her for 5, 4, 3, 2, 1..

switch to him, 5, 4, 3, 2.. randomize don't go in the same direction, 5, 4, 3..

nod your head, that looks like you're listening if you nod your head.. HA HA HA

At one point I realized that I need to get out of here

because the air is hitting my arm weirdly and they can tell

They totally know that I'm not handling the way air is touching my arm right now

why am I doing that with my hand, that's weird to do that with your hand, no body stands like this

No body stands like this, just fuckin.. No that's also weird too, that's crazy

I gotta go, but I didn't know how to leave because I had this dilemma

We're all standing in a perfect circle facing eachother

I thought that's gonna be insane if I just turn my.. I'm one person with my back now

Do I just back away like this and hope that they fill in?

Then I thought, no just say something aloud to them that smoothes the transition of you leaving

Okay.. what do I say? Pick a thing to say

Goodbye.. No that's a nightmare.

That's just.. goodbye? That's just noises

Finally I walked away and said, "I'M LEAVING!!"

I know it was that bad, 'cause they all went, "Oh shit, okay, alright.."

I was like, "Well I'll never see those people again for as long as I live.."

Then I had to get in a car, I forgot that I rented a car and I have to drive back to the hotel.

So I'm driving on this highway in Missouri

and at one point I realized, I think it's been about 25 minutes since I've looked out the front window of this car

I've just been dealing with shit directly in

Awh shit, there's this whole spectrum of responsibility out here, I'm supposed to take part in this

At one point I remember I was at a drive-thru

and I was terrified because there's this lady sticking her head out a window

and she's mad, she's going, "Sir. Sir."

And I just kept saying, "I don't know! I don't know!"

I had the window closed, I had no fucking idea what part of the transaction am I..

Did I pay yet? Have I ordered? Have I been sitting here for 40 minutes just eating?

At the window and I ate the paper and everything?

"SIR!" and I just went "I don't know! I don't want it!" and I just fucking bolted

...so I can't do that anymore