ASMR | Upgrade Shop

Yes!

Come on, now... Why do they never give me enough bloody cash

to be able to get this stuff done properly, eh?

Never give me enough time...

It's always, "So, we need this yesterday."

Why didn't they tell me that before, eh?

Just say, "Can you fix this?" I don't know...

Idiots...

Okay.

And...

You just get out of there, you're in my way. And...

Lovely.

Ah! You made it, kid.

And not a second too early, too.

Alright. See you next time, kid.

Give 'em hell.

Ah! You made it, kid.

And not a second too early, too.

What's it like out there, eh?

Paint me a picture.

Well, it must be pretty bad if you're over here.

What can I do you for today?

Do you need weapons?

Ammo?

Perhaps a little... Enhancement?

A rocket in your pocket, eh?

Something just to spruce you up, light a fire under ya?

Come on, hit me with it. Take your browse.

Chekhov's Gun.

Excellent choice.

Flintlock's Battle Axe.

First minted at the Revolution of Altis,

this iconic two-handed weapon

increases your crit. damage by 10%

and tops you up by a whopping 100 attack power.

Come on, you know you want it.

Okay, keep having a look around.

Nice.

Trigger Battle - 'Axe'.

Shred your way through the crowd with this tiny guitar.

Input green, red, green, blue,

then green a bunch more times in rapid succession for -

Seen anything you like?

Oh, she is a beauty, she is -

Regular knife.

Just a good old-fashioned regular knife.

You can use it to cut rope or...

Make sandwiches and stuff.

Yeah, it's just a knife. It just - It just cuts things.

It's not particularly sharp.

We got a problem, kid.

Bottle of sparkling water.

A refreshing bubbly slice of heaven,

not to be confused with unsparkling water.

Come on, you know you want it.

Doubt that you can afford that one...

Zeitgeist.

Summon a Zeitgeist to assist you in battle.

Doubt that you can afford that one...

I won't bargain with ya.

Zeitgeist.

Summon a Zeit -

Sure that you need a new toy!

Very good.

Come on, you know you want it.

What do you reckon?

Uh, you like that one, do you?

Zeitgeist.

Lovely.

Just take it.

Bottle of sparkling water.

Regular knife.

Take your time.

Trigger Battle.

Take a good look around.

Flintlock's Battle Axe.

Oh, you could do better than that one.

Chekhov's Gun.

A nifty odd cheeseburger, this one.

Silent and decisive.

It's got +50 attack power. +50!

Just know, if you buy Chekhov's Gun

you better pull the trigger at some point.

People will be expecting it.

You've chosen:

Chekhov's Gun.

Excellent choice.

Would you like it gift-wrapped?

I'm joking.

It's yours.

How are you paying for it?

Mh... No, I don't want a Raichu card.

I want a Venusaur card, or higher.

That would be three Ivysaurs,

or seven Bulbasaurs.

Well, why did you come to my shop if you don't have the currency?

What else you got?

Do you have a Dodrio?

Okay. Well, what else do I need?

I need a, uh...

You sure you don't have a Venusaur? Fine.

Okay. I would give you a... If you had a Golem or a Gengar...

Those would also be acceptable.

What have you got?

You got an Exeggcute. You laughing, mate?

Okay. Well, try harder.

You got a Graveler? How many?

You have three Gravelers.

Fine.

Yeah, I take Transfer.

Three Gravelers, yay?

Now I can be king of the Gravelers.

Don't worry about having a Venusaur, it's all good.

Maybe next time.

Oh, yeah. I suppose you want your gun.

Here you go.

Yeah.

Good purchase, that.

What are you fighting with it?

Come on, tell me.

Are you fighting, uh...

Let's see...

Zombies! Or the undead.

And making interesting moral choices.

Or perhaps you're fighting a futuristic race,

where there's this sort of overtone or allegory of

corporate sabotage and corruption and manipulation.

Or...

Is it...

Just generic dark forces

that you're hoping to fight with "the power of good"

and the hero's sword

like "The Legend of Zelda"?

Mh?

Have you played "The Legend of Zelda"?

Mh?

You haven't?

You have?

Well, those are your two options.

If you haven't played "The Legend of Zelda",

highly recommend you do.

"Ocarina of Time", ah!

The best!

Bit of a - I guess - a vintage game these days, but

they've had a few remasters now...

Anyway.

Nothing, uh... Out there, I'm sure, that couldn't be defeated with, uh...

Pistol...

That gives you +50 damage. Ah!

Are you sure you wouldn't rather a...

Battle axe?

Nah...

Sure I can't tempt you?

Ah, you know what?

All this fighting isn't for me, man,

I'm not about it.

You know...

I'm a pacifist.

I'm just here for the love, baby.

Yes, I'm joking. Yeah.

I'm an arms dealer.

I, uhm... Am very much pro profiteering off war, so...

Yeah. Don't worry, I mean...

Buy anything you like, please.

Give me more of your Pokémon cards,

I'll happily take 'em off you.

Or, you know...

from someone who has a Venusaur.

Remember when we used cyptocurrency?

For all of a year!

That was a fad.

Who would have thought that

the coin to rule them all

would be Dogecoin?

What a joke!

Dogecoin, the shittiest coin...

I mean, don't get me wrong,

basically did the same thing as Bitcoin.

But Bitcoin got a bit... And basically every other coin...

just ended up being slow

and just a gimmicky coin.

Amazing, of course, because of the invention!

You know, but...

All the other coins just were better.

But we got over that nonsense pretty quickly

and moved to Pokémon cards, which was the real kicker.

To be honest, that one stung.

You know, who hadn't inherited a bunch of Pokémon cards from their grandparents?

It's annoying, man...

It's annoying, because no one hanged on to them!

Or at least, I didn't.

And I had one of the early holographic Charizards...

Before they were even called Shinies.

I think.

So someone did quite well out of me.

Hey!

And, of course, if I could go back in time

and tell my twenty-year-old self to invest in ATL-45...

That would have been great, too!

They now basically rule everything.

Help! Help me!

Now, what are you doing still hanging around my shop?

Can you even afford anything else,

or are you just window-shopping and wasting my time?

I'll tell you what.

That arm you've got there?

That was one of my best.

It's a bloody beauty.

Come on, bring it up here. Closer, I need have a better look.

Yeah.

Now. You gotta treat that arm real nice,

or it's gonna stop working,

fall off, or just be a limp piece of metal.

How about this.

For a Graveler, I'll take a look at your arm for you.

Easy peasy.

Hell, we can even see what we can do to it. How about that?

Pop it here on the counter.

She's a big banged up,

but I'm sure we can give her a bit of spit and polish.

Okay. So...

Lemme just... Really quick...

Do a bit of an outline.

[mumbles]

Who has been modifying your arm instead of me for the past ten years?

This looks...

Like trash.

Okay.

And...

Okay. Hang on a second.

I think if we just make this slightly bigger...

Okay. And...

And...

A little space there...

Yep. And a compartment over here for more...

Yeah, upgrading,

in the future, when you need to...

Assuming you don't die in battle tonight

with whatever you're fighting.

Sounds good?

No, you're not looking at me. It's fine.

It's all good.

No one cares about the Shopkeep.

[whispering to himself]

How about you make my life better, eh?

I like how you're a "Silence is golden" type.

My dad was as well.

"If you don't have anything to say, don't say it," he always said.

Love it.

It's a pity people feel compelled to make small talk.

You know, it's not quality...

Choose your words, and then to say 'em.

That's what I think.

Okay.

So...

Your arm has a few slots for upgrading.

Do you have any enhancements?

Do you wanna purchase any enhancements?

Ah... Okay, what do you got? What do you got?

You've got a Dratini.

I can do a Dratini.

Sounds good to me.

Okay.

Leave your arm there.

Okay. So...

I need you to hold really really still.

You don't want anything going awry with something like this.

And...

What enhancements do you want?

Do you wanna be able to jump really high?

Do you wanna be able to fly?

Do you wanna be able to shoot fire?

Do you want to be able to...

Swim really fast, for some reason?

I think that'd be a bit of a rubbish power myself, but...

It's fine!

Hey, you do you, friend.

You do you, don't let me tell you how to live your best life, okay?

You tell me exactly what you want.

We're gonna expand your vision, free of charge.

It's all part of the service, baby, don't worry about it!

I'm just that sorta guy!

Come here.

Okay, lemme see your eye.

I've already served you.

Okay, it's an out-of-date colour space.

The gamma that your eye's been seeing with, RGB,

is, uh...

a bit old now,

a bit dated.

Red, green, blue.

Made up the spectrum of our specialized vision.

But that's a... It's a Nineties thing now,

back when we had just one additive colour space.

Help! That's not me! Help me!

Okay. So...

You have one more enhancement slot. What do you want?

Use your imagination! You can climb things, if you wanted to.

You could funnel electricity through your body

and shoot it, or use it to levitate yourself.

You could have telekinesis,

or telepathy.

You could...

make it so that whenever you eliminate an enemy,

in whichever way you choose to do so,

you receive extra Pokémon cards.

Which would be really handy for me, if you chose that particular upgrade.

Because then you could give me a Venusaur!

Wouldn't that be nice for me, eh?

And you'd stop paying with Gravelers.

Okay. And...

Oh come on, sticky tape...

You are my worst enemy today, aren't you? Yes, you are.

Why do corporate insist on taping everything together?

It's just a waste...

Okay.

And... That goes in there.

Good.

Okay. Good choice.

I would have chose to climb faster...

But there you go.

You are you and I am me.

Yeah, people have been worried about a corporate takeover for yonks...

I don't see it.

I don't, really... I don't... I don't get why they would, you know?

Yeah, they're the good guys!

Nah, I haven't been noticing anything out of the ordinary...

Have you?

What have you noticed?

No.

No, I don't think, uh...

Ah, I think you must be seeing things.

I think a good sleep tonight will do you some good.

Eh?

A little, uh... Sacred rest, you know?

Try your gun out, try your new arm out, eh?

That'll do you a world of good.

Then you won't need to worry your little head about dreams of...

They are taking over, help!

...noise.

I trust them.

What's not to trust?

You know, suits and a smile.

Can't beat 'em.

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. You know?

Alright. We're almost there, okay?

I'm just gonna need to...

Tape. Solves everything!

Please, help me!

Get out,

tape!

Can I have your arm?

Other arm!

Okay. Hold this.

Yep. And I need you to just hold this down here.

Can you do that?

Final little adjustment...

And...

Come on... Yes!

You got that tape still?

Hold it...

Come on!

Shot! Shoot me, please!

You're doing a bang-up job.

And...

There we go.

She's all yours.

Better take care of her...

Because if I see you back here, I'm gonna need a lot more cards.

Yeah?

Help! Can you please shoot me?!

Good, okay.

Can I do anything else for you?

Browse away, take your time.

Alright. See you next time, kid.

Give 'em hell.