RAPID RECAP: GAME OF THRONES IN 6 MINUTES! (Season 5)

- Hi, I'm Benny Fine.

- I'm Emily Tang and consider
yourselves warned.

- Get on your dragons
and defend your house

because vengeance is coming!

- We're going to be spoiling
everything from the fifth season

of Game of Thrones.

- If you know nothing about the show,
or want a full refresher,

you can watch our previous
Game of Thrones recaps

where we break down
the first four seasons.

- You can watch by clicking here,

and then come on back to this video
to get the continuation.

- You'll be all caught up
for the season six premier

on April 24th after watching
this recap in one take

and under six minutes.
- Starting now!

- Welcome back to King's Landing,
where Daddy Lannister is freshly dead

with Cersei blaming Jaime
for freeing the murderer, Tyrion.

- Cersei's cousin, Lancel...

- Who's become a devout member
of a new religious movement

called The Sparrows, who have forehead marks
to put Harry Potter to shame.

- ...asks forgiveness for sleeping together
in the past, which Cersei denies.

- She really need to extend
her Tinder matches to outside the family.

- As for Tyrion, he's been
smuggled out of Westeros

in a crate by Varys.
- Who's been working secretly

to set up Daenerys
to be the new ruler of Westeros

and the two travel to Meereen to meet her.

- Unfortunately for Daenerys,
she's been dealing with

a group of assassins that have started
murdering members of her army.

- Meanwhile, at the Wall, Stannis wants
Jon to persuade Mance Rayder

to have the Wildlings fight for him

so he can take back
the North from Roose Bolton.

- Mance denies it and is burned alive,
but Jon mercy kills him.

- RIP Mance.

- Meanwhile, Cersei...
- The new Hand of the King.

- ...gets a message from Dorne
regarding her daughter, Myrcella,

who's supposed to be marrying a Martell,

but due to Oberyn's death
might be in mortal danger!

- So Cersei gets Jamie to travel to Dorne
with Bronn to bring her back.

- At the Wall, Jon gets voted
as new Lord Commander of the Night's Watch.

- ♪ Movin' on up ♪

- In the Vale, Sansa and Littlefinger...

- Who's hiding her away from the Lannisters.

- ...runs into Podrick and Brienne,
who asks Sansa to leave with her.

- Sticking to her vows to Sansa's dead mom
to keep Stark girls safe.

- But she refuses.

- Littlefinger lets Sansa know
that he's dropping her off

as a bride to Ramsay to form
an alliance with the Boltons!

- The hope is Stannis will appoint her
as Wardeness of the North

when he retakes Winterfell
and she can ultimately get revenge

for the Red Wedding!

- Speaking of Stark girls,
what's going on with Arya?

- She arrives in Braavos
and finds Jaqen...

- Ah, the face-changing guy
from season two.

- ...who takes her under his wing
to become a member of the Faceless Men.

- Meanwhile, in Slaver's Bay,
things are only getting worse for Daenerys

as her people continue
to get attacked and start rioting.

- As for Tyrion, he gets captured
in-- surprise, surprise--

- A brothel, to be taken
to Daenerys by actual surprise

and human friend zone Jorah.

- Back in King's Landing, Cersei thinks
that she'll be more powerful

if she joins forces with former governor

and leader of the Sparrows,
the High Sparrow.

- So she does and a policing force
called the Faith Militant gets created,

which arrest Loras for homosexuality.

- Over at Slaver's Bay,
the assassins begin attacking

and Grey Worm gets injured.

- Ser Barristan saves him, but is stabbed
many times in the process fatally.

- RIP Ser Barristan.

- Daenerys then imprisons and feeds
the leaders of Meereen to her dragons

as retribution for Ser Barristan's death.

- But she realizes
she's losing her people,

so she meets with Hizdahr,
one of the Meereen leaders.

- She lets him know that
she will reopen the fighting pits

and marry him to make
peace with the people.

- Poor Daario.

- Nearby, Jorah and Tyrion
have been bro-bonding

and run into stone men
and Daenerys' missing dragon, Drogon!

- They get attacked by the stone men,
and although Jorah saves them,

he secretly contracts greyscale
and the two men are capture by slavers.

- Wait, how's Jaime doing?
We haven't talked about him in a while.

- Well, he and Bronn made their way
to Dorne to bring back Mrycella.

- They are suddenly attacked
by the Sand Snakes--

- The bastard children of Oberyn--
- But all get captured by Dorne guards.

- Back at King's Landing,
Littlefinger arrives and convinces Cersei...

- Who's now fully in cahoots
with the Sparrows.

-...to let him take troops
up to Winterfell to take out Boltons

and Stannis, but in return
being named Warden of the North.

- Everyone's favorite grandma, Olenna,
returns to tell Cersei

that her grandson Loras
has to be freed and that she knows

Cersei is behind his arrest.

- At Loras' hearing, Margaery...
- Who's now queen.

- ...defends him, but a witness
who Loras had relations with

contradicts her statement,
and Margaery and her brother are arrested!

- Ramsay finally marries Sansa,

and keeping true to his word
of not hurting her...

takes her by force and makes Reek watch?!

- What the hell, Game of Thrones?!

- At the Wall, Jon,
after finally convincing the Rangers

to use the Wildlings as allies,
heads for Hardhome to convince

some Wildlings to join them.

- Meanwhile, Sam saves Gilly
from a few horny Rangers

and, finally, they sleep together.
(smooch!)

- The Red Priestess, Melisandre,
suggests sacrificing

Stannis' daugher, Shireen, for good luck

on their Winterfell invasion,
but Stannis refuses.

- Father of the year!

- Meanwhile, Jorah and Tyrion
end up in a slave fight pit

that Daenerys ends up visiting.

- Jorah reveals himself, but Daenerys
asks to have him taken away,

but not before he can reveal
his gift to her: Tyrion.

- Tyrion later convinces
Daenerys not to execute Jorah,

so she exiles him... again.

- But instead of leaving, Jorah
makes a plan to fight in the pits, again,

so he could show Daenerys
his devotion... again.

- Daenerys is impressed with Tyrion
and accepts him onto her council.

- Turns out, trying to use
your crush's worst enemy

as a way to get her heart
was a bad decision.

- Over in King's Landing,
Olenna demands the High Sparrow

free Loras and Magaery, but he refuses.

- Littlefinger offers Olenna
a way to get back at Cersei.

- It results in the High Sparrow
revealing to Cersei

that he knows about her affair with Lancel.

- He then has her imprisoned.
- Karma is a bitch!

- Back in Braavos, Arya continues
her training with Jaqen--

- Which includes cleaning corpses
and she finds out

that the corpses' faces
are the ones that Jaqen uses.

- She's sent on a mission
to poison a crooked businessman,

but she's shocked to find Ser Meryn--

- Who's on Arya's revenge list for killing
her old sword instructor, Syrio Forel,

back in season one.

- So she sneaks into a brothel
and stabs Ser Meryn.

- RIP Ser Meryn.

- When Jaqen learns what she's done,
he sacrifices himself

in exchange for the life
that Arya has taken, and she is blinded.

- RIP Jaq--
- Well, we're not sure if he's really dead,

as his face transfers
to another Faceless Men follower.

- Over at Winterfell,
Reek confesses to Sansa

that he didn't actually kill her brothers
and later decides to help her escape.

- While Ramsay decides
that it's time to attack Stannis.

- Meanwhile, in the far North,
Jon finally convinces

thousands of Wildlings to come with them.

- However, they are attacked
by a terrifying army of White Walkers

led by the Night's King.

- It only took five seasons,
but winter is finally here

and it's the best battle
maybe in TV history!

- The Wildlings and Night's Watch
get massacred, but Jon finally managed

to kill a White Walker
with his Valyrian steel sword.

- As the survivors sail away,
the Night's King raises

all the dead Wildlings
and now they're zombie Whites.

- Ramsay's forces destroy Stannis' camp
and Melisandre convinces

Stannis to sacrifice his daughter,
who is then burned alive!

- (tearfully) You're no father
of the year, Stannis!

- RIP Shireen.

- They literally burned a kid alive
and made us hear her screams?!

What the hell, Game of Thrones?!

- Back in Meereen, Daenerys
visits another slave pit

where Jorah fights and wins.

- But when he reveals himself to Daenerys,
she is less than psyched to see him AGAIN,

and even less psyched when
the Sons of Harpy surprise attack them.

- They have Daenerys surrounded,
but Drogon swoops in

and we get the moment
everyone's been waiting for!

- She climbs on his back
and flies off like a badass!

- Over at the Wall, Jon
and the Wildlings finally make it back.

- But not everyone is happy to be bunking
with their former enemies

and Jon's approval rating plummets.

- Oh, and Stannis' whole idea
of sacrificing his daughter for good luck?

- Yeah, his wife kills herself,
half his army bounces,

Melisandre runs away,
and Stannis gets killed

trying to take Winterfell by Brienne.
- At least we think he's dead.

- RIP Stannis' wife.

- RIP Stannis... maybe?

- Back at King's Landing, Cersei finally
admits to her affair with Lancel

and is forced to walk naked
through King's Landing

to the sounds of "shame!"
being yelled at her by a nun.

- When she makes it to the finish line,
she is received by her few friends

and... the Mountain?!

- Well, he's more like a Frankenstein shell
of what he used to be, but still.

- Over in Dorne, Jamie and Bronn
are released with Myrcella

as long as he takes
Princess Myrcella's boyfriend with them.

- Bad news though.

Myrcella drops dead from poison
given to her by Oberyn's lover, Ellaria.

- RIP Myrcella.

- Back at Slaver's Bay,
things are busy as Varys and Tyrion

work together to rule Meereen.

- While Daario and and Jorah
search for Daenerys.

- While Daenerys is surrounded
by a group of Dothraki warriors

somewhere probably really far away.

- And, finally, over at the Wall,
Jon is lured into an ambush

where he is stabbed
by the entire Night's Watch,

and is left bleeding in the snow!
- But he's not dead!

HE CAN'T BE!!!

- Now you're ready for
the new season of Game of Thrones!

- Where's Daenerys?
- Is Jon Snow alive?

- Wait, what the hell
is going on with Bran?

He wasn't even in this season.

- We're about to find out!

- Will you be watching the new season
of Game of Thrones on April 24th?

- (both) We know we'll be!

♪ (vocalizing Game of Thrones theme song) ♪

- Iron price!