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World Cup 2022
Portugal vs Uruguay
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Ronaldo is totally free - the irony
Bruno swings it in
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It’s in!
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-It was me!
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I scored!
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It touched me I swear!
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Cross my abs and hope to die!
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Siu
Er, I don’t think so, Cristiano
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Goal!
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Bruno Fernandes
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WHAT?!!!!!!!!
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SIU!
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Right that does it…
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Leave, goal thief…
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Yes Cristiano
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You have reached FIFA.
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In a few words, please say why you are ringing
today
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I’d like to make a complaint
You’d like to make a donation brackets bribe
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- is that right?
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No, I’d like to make a complaint
You’d like to make a complaint - is that right?
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Yes
Are you sure you wouldn’t like to make a
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donation brackets bribe?
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No - I wouldn’t like to make a donation
brackets bribe.
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I’d like to make a complaint!!!
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You’d like to make a complaint and possible
donation brackets bribe
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What?
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Is that right?
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Fine, yes.
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We’re transferring you to a member of the
team now.
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Please have your payment details ready.
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Ciao, you’re speaking with Gianni Infantino.
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Today I feel disabled.
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Come again?
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Please read out the long number across the
front of your card.
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I’m not making a donation brackets bribe
Of course you’re not, nudge nudge wink wink.
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I’m not!
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I’m making a complaint!
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Oh not another one - okay sir, if your complaint
is related to migrant worker fatalities,
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human rights abuses in QATAR or rainbows
please press the red button on your screen now
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It’s none of those.
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Well that’s a first.
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It’s Cristiano Ronaldo.
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I just scored a perfectly good goal
but the Messi fanboys working the scoreboard
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just awarded it to Bruno Fernandes.
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Oh I see
I want this corrected immediately!
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Let me just pop you on hold sir while I check
the footage
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No problem…
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MUSIC = Interested in hosting a World Cup?
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Then make us an offer we can’t refuse!
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Thank you for holding, Mr. Ronaldo.
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Unfortunately sir, it appears you didn’t
touch the ball
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Then today you must feel blind!
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It touched my head!
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Whereabouts?
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On the head.
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Whereabouts on the head?
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On the hairy part.
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Don’t get clever with me, show off.
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I’m not getting clever - it literally hit
my hair!
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Sorry sir, there’s nothing I can do.
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But -
Unless…
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Unless what?
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Unless you were willing to make a small donation
brackets bribe?
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Oh, now it makes sense.
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This is black mail!
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Yes, today I feel African.
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No, I meant you’re blackmailing me you son
of a bitch!
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Wait til Piers Morgan hears about this!
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Thank you for calling sir.
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Wait! Fine.
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How much do I need to donate?
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50 Million Euros.
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WHAT?!!!!!!!
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And a signed shirt for each of my four children.
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You are taking the p***.
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With respect Mr. Ronaldo, I’ve just watched
the footage.
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It’s you who’s taking the p***.
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How about 5 million euro?
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50 million, take it or leave it.
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No way!
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Psst,
Remember our deal
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Or I can waive the 50 million euro donation
and you come and play in the Qatar Stars League?
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50 million euros it is.
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Done.
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Siu!
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So can you announce it over the speakers?
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Announce what?
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That I scored the goal and not Bruno hit and
hope Fernandes?
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Sorry, who is this?
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It’s Ronaldo - I just paid you 50m Euros
to award me that goal.
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Confirmation of the goalscorer
Bruno Fernandes
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Today I feel forgetful.
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Ciao!
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Oh you freckly red haired piece of poop.
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Oh my mamma miai, I heard that.
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Thank you for donating to FIFA.
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Goodbye
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Breaking News: FIFA have banned Cristiano
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Ronaldo for the rest of the World Cup
for using discriminatory language.
