The Best Self Defense Videos (w/ @kurtisconner ) - Danny Gonzalez & Kurtis Conner

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check out kurt's channel @kurtisconner

edited by
Edited by:
Max Boonch https://www.instagram.com/max_boonch/?hl=en
& @jakeshotfriend

[Mr. Beast on phone screen]
I recreated every single set

(typing sounds)
from Squid Game--

Kurtis?

Hello.

Hey.

You're probably wondering

why I've called you here, aren't you?

Uh...

you said you wanted to make a video.

Well...

Well, yeah.

But that's only HALF the reason
that I called you here.

(OHHHHHH sound effect)

That's right.

The other half is that...

Honestly, Kurtis, I'm worried about you.

[Danny] I don't know
if you've seen lately,

but it's getting pretty
dangerous out there.

[Danny] The world is a dangerous place.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

(plane whirring sounds)
Yeah, a plane just flew into that building.

[Kurtis] Oh my god! (laughing)

Right on cue...

Did you do that?

(laughing)

Exhibit A!

No!!

(explosion)

Look.

Crime rates.

Going up, through the roof.

Murder.

Death?

Did you know every person dies now?

[Danny] Point is, Kurtis,

there's people out there

who are trying to hurt you.

[Danny] They're trying
to kill you, Kurtis.

Me?

Yes, you specifically.

What'd I do?

[Danny] You're just, um...

How do I say this...

Has anyone ever told you that you're

an easy target before?

(Kurtis typing sounds)

Huh?

See, yeah, that's exactly
what I'm talking about, Kurtis.

[Danny] The headphones,

the texting,

[Danny] The hands in your pockets?

If I started attacking you right now,

you wouldn't even be
able to defend yourself, man.

[Danny] Your hands are all...

[Danny] Busy!

Not to mention you're
not even wearing shoes.

[Danny] Good luck running away.

I was being polite!

There's nothing polite
about getting murdered, Kurtis.

Attack me. See what happens.

(futuristic buzzing, whirring)

(pop)

(Kurtis screams as Danny
makes primal noises)

WHAT THE FUCK?!

Exactly.

Like I said.

How?!

It's not all bad, alright?

I have found a Youtube account

that specializes in self-defense advice

just for people like you.

For...

easy targets.

'Kay. So-- I--

you're gonna teach me how to not be an--

such an easy target.

Not only that, Kurtis,

I'm gonna teach you
how to defend yourself

from everyday life situations

that we all encounter.

Like, um...

Like another plane crash you just did?

Like another--!

(explosion)

Getting mugged, getting stabbed,

you're getting out of your car

and some guy runs up behind you

and just starts punching
you in the back of the head.

Yeah.

This happens to you all the time.

Yes, yes.

All of those happened this morning.

but today,
(badass music)

we're gonna fight back.

(bone-crunching sound, sad music)

That hurt?

(crying baby noise)

[Danny] That? Come on, that couldn't...

You could not have
just hurt yourself like that.

Why'd you do that to me?

YOU did that!

How'd you-- how could you?

We were friends, man!

This is worse than I thought.

I'm a lost cause.

Let's get...

(cool guitar music)

into the video!

(spinning sound effect)

So this is the self defense guy
we're gonna be watching.

His name is "Selfdefensegoat."

Damn.

No one's ever hurt him.

(Kurtis laughs)

He has a lot of enemies, I guess, though.

Yeah, that's true.
[Kurtis] He's trying.

I think he's just an idiot,

putting himself in really
dangerous situations all the time.

Well, let's see what happens if... uh...

this guy pulls a yellow gun on you.

Give me your money.

[Selfdefensegoat] Yo, man.

Yo, take it.

(laughs) "Yo, man. Yo."

"Yo, man, yo."

Someone pulls a gun on you:

"YOOOOOOO."
(Kurtis giggles)

[Selfdefensegoat] Take it, take it.

Here, here.

I got nothing else, I got no
phone, I got nothing.

I got family, man.

You gave him everything, and he's still
got that gun pointed at you.

See, that line makes it sound like

they know each other?

And they've been
like, friends for so long.

(melancholy piano)
Helped him move,

helped him get through a tough breakup--

You've given him
everything you've got, man.

And he still wants to
shoot you in the head.

When he was at his lowest, you were there.

If I was his family, I'd be pretty
upset, cause he was like,

"I got nothing.

I got FAMILY.
(Danny laughs)

But that's it."

That's crazy.

Also the way he says,
"Take it, take it, take it,"

it sounds like HE'S mugging HIM now.

Pulls a gun, "TAKE IT! TAKE ALL OF IT!"

Okay! Okay!

Who's doing the mugging here?

Your goal is to get as close
to the weapon as possible.

Ideally, he's even pointing at
your head trying to scare you.

(Danny laughs)
[Kurtis] Sorry???

Ideally, he's pointing a gun at your head?

Maybe it's easier to grab
it when it's, you know.

As far away from your hands as possible.
(Kurtis laughs)

Like up here.

Is he gonna like, bite it?

Yeah, that's what he's about to do.

(aggressive biting sounds)

(both laugh)

Maybe it's because
getting mugged is so scary

that he just wants to
be put out of his misery

as quickly as possible.

(laughing) Yeah, I want this
to be done immediately.

Ideally, you're facing the other way
looking out at a beautiful sunset

and he's got the gun pressed right up
against the back of your--

Taking one final breath.

So I'm gonna turn out of the way,

two hands on the weapon right away,

pull it into your chest,

rip it off--
[Kurtis] You shoot yourself!

(laughing)

Take the power out of his hands.

Get outta the way...

Back, and pull it into your chest,

he said RIP it off--

He rips off his hand.

(laughter)

Aaaagh!

His tutorial is like, how to stop a mugger

is just talk to a cam--
an imaginary cameraman and be like,

"Now this is what, what happens
if you're mugging someone."

Cause I feel like that would
kind of mess with their head.

Yeah, wait, pretend to be
mugging me right now?

Okay.

Give me your fucking money right now!

I gave him everything.

Pwoofsh!

(laughter)

Smash, smash, tap,
rack, and go if need be.

Yeah, so, I mean that's pretty
much just the classic

smash smash tap grab.

Smash smash tap grab

and go if need be.

I guess that's his, like, Youtube
ad-friendly way of saying,

"Then shoot him in the head."
[Kurtis] Heh, yeah.

"And if need be,

GO."

(laughter)

What're you in jail for?

I goed.

I went.

(giggles)

This one is gonna be
really important for you,

because this is how NOT
to be an easy target, okay?

Ohh.

You got your no shoes on,

you had your headphones on,

hands in pockets,

but you're about to see just
how dangerous that is.

Okay, wow.

(rapid-fire high-pitched squeaking noises)

(guffaws)

Dude, he stabbed him in the ass!

What was that sound?

(laughs) I don't know!

I think it was the guy screaming.

(laughing)

(Kurtis makes high-pitched "ee ee" sounds)
(both laughing)

Wouldn't it be crazy if
that was the whole video?

(laughing)

[Selfdefensegoat] Look at Mr. Karate Kid.

It's a pretty sweet hoodie, though.

Look how easy he's gonna be
to murder and take his phone.

Sunglasses on, huge headphones,

hoodie I could just rip him down with,

oh, you're mine, buddy.

Okay, well...

he didn't even do it, though.

(Danny laughing)
[Kurtis] He just talk--

he was imagining it.

"Oh, you're mine, buddy."
[Kurtis] He's already gone.

"You're dead. Hoho.

I'm gonna enjoy this one."

Alright, (inaudible).

"Oh, yeah.

Wait, where'd he go?"
(laughs)

[Kurtis] It's already--

It's nighttime all of a sudden!

He's saying that out loud?

It must be in his head.

Okay.

Now let's find out how
to NOT be an easy target.

[Selfdefensegoat] Oh, look at Denim Dan.

This guy's gonna be an easy target.

Well, maybe not.

(Kurtis laughs)

He's gotta kinda this death stare.

He's walking pretty confident.

So the caption says "desk stair"

but I think he's saying "death stare."

"Desk there."

Oh.

(laughing) He's got kind of a desk there

Got like a desk strapped.
(laughing)

I feel like that would be--
[Danny] He's gaming.

(laughing)

I guess it's a pretty hard target,

you got a big desk in the way.

Yeah.

Clearly cracked at Fortnite.

[Selfdefensegoat] Got his death stare,

he's walking pretty confident--

Yeah, he also says he's
walking pretty confidently,

as this guy is like,

(ominous, nervous music)

[Kurtis, laughing] Yeah, he's so scared.

How are you supposed to, like--

other people walking
down the street like--

(happy, fanciful music)

This guy's easy to fucking kill.

[Selfdefensegoat] He's only
got one earbud in,

jacket versus hoodie.

That's my favorite Mr. Beast video.

Jacket versus hoodie.

(Kurtis laughs)

[Selfdefensegoat] It's
your lucky day, Denim Dan.

It's your lucky day.

Wait, he--
[Danny] Wait!

[Selfdefensegoat] It's
your lucky day, Denim Dan.

It's your lucky day.

Okay, well that actually
does make him seem more crazy.

I'd be so terrified if I was walking
by someone who was like,

"This guy would be easy to
kill and steal his phone."

"Wait.

Maybe not.
(Kurtis giggles)

He's got a confident walk."

(Kurtis giggles)

You could be Denim Dan if you wanted to.

Yeah, I guess I should've
been wearing denim

for this video.

Yeah.

Jean jacket.

Jean hat.

Jean hat.

Gene Wilder.
[Kurtis] Jesus--

Gene Wilder's here.

(punch and kick sound)

Hang on a second, guys.

Because I've got a self-
defense technique of my own.

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and now let's get back into it.

Now this is an instant
that people actually do encounter

somewhat often, is road rage.

Yeah, people get that a lot from me.

So what kinda stuff do you do?

Do you sorta like tailgating people...

Yeah, uh, I have, usually...

probably four, six cartons,

full cartons of eggs in
my car at all times.

Oh, you just throw eggs?

And I just kinda throw them, yeah.

Egg people on the highway?

I just egg people on the highway.

I egg-- I egg them on.

(Danny laughs)
[Kurtis] Quite verbally.

[Selfdefensegoat] Yo, what
are you DOING, man?

What the hell's your problem?

Yeah, man--

Yo, chill!

(gunshots)

When it comes to self def--

Oh, he's okay.

(laughing)

Yeah, the rest of this
video's from Heaven.

(laughing)

(choral music)

He's just, like, an angel.

(laughing)

He's got a halo on.
(ding)

So what's crazy about
this road rage incident is

this guy cuts him off,

Uh huh.

He didn't even have to stop.

I mean, I get that
people get super irrational

during road rage incidents,
[Kurtis] Yeah.

but it seems--

I feel like this person should be the one

who got out to shoot him.

Cause he got cut off.

Right, yeah.

The other guy cut him off so bad

(Kurtis laughs)
that HE had to KILL him. Like--

"No one can know about this."

Yeah.

He almost caused the accident, right?

But what did I do?

I honked the horn, I fingered him--

(guffawing)

I missed that part of the video.
(descends into laughter)

Yeah, when did that happen?

"Yo! What the fuck are you do--"

(Kurtis moans)

(laughing)

Yeah, you were fucked
up for that, actually.

That was super weird.

He fingered-- what does that mean?

Oh, like--

You gotta check your ego, man.

(Kurtis laughing)
Don't finger him.

Don't (bleep) and (bleep).
(both laughing)

Don't make that guy sing, man.

Even though I wasn't
technically in the wrong.

[Danny, laughing] Okay wait, hold on.

Did you notice...

that in the video he had, like,

his wife or girlfriend in
the car next to him?

No.
[Danny] And she also got shot?

Okay.

Yeah, so see, there's someone--
[Kurtis] Ohhh.

[Danny] --in the passenger seat here.
[Kurtis] Yeah.

[Danny] But then, as he's
(laughing) talking to the camera,

--check your ego. Even though I
wasn't technically in the wrong,

(ominous bell tolling)

(giggling)

Oh, she's dead!

(laughing)

This was a real death that happened.

Yeah, he's like,

"Luckily, I did survive this incident.

Uh, she did not. Don't worry,
the paramedics are on their way,

I just wanted to film
this video real quick."

"Luckily he was a very bad shot,
(Danny laughs)

every bullet hit my wife."

(Danny laughs)

I escalated the situation, he
felt like he was threatened,

He felt like he was threatened?

[Kurtis] How?
[Danny] He was in his own car!

Yeah, he was fine.

"Aah! That psycho's trying to kill me!"
(Kurtis laughing)

"I'm gonna kill his wife!"

Felt like he was threatened
and now I'm dead.

Okay, yeah, he is dead.

Yeah, he's dead. That is confirmed.

It's canon.

And I'm looking at his account, yeah,

this is the last video he ever posted.

(laughing)

THAT'S not having a self defense mindset.

Be smart. Stay safe out there.

Check your ego.

[Danny] Oh, wait!
[Kurtis] Oh my god!

Wait, but he checked his ego,
why is he still getting shot?

He didn't ch-- I guess
THAT guy didn't check his ego.

Yeah, he's like,

"Come back here and finger me!" (laughing)

"Finger me, or you're--"

(laughing)

So there's "don't be an easy target"

Yeah.

But also, "maintain a
self defense mindset."

And I do appreciate that, it's like,
"try not to get into the situation

where you need to be defending
yourself in the first place."

Right.

I think we can all agree that's probably

the best self defense
tactic you have available.

Belt vs. knife self defense.

Yo, give me your money.

Stay back, man, stay back.

Yo, is that a knife, bro?!

(belt slaps him)
Ouagh!

(man yells in pain)

Do you know how to use
your belt for self defense?

Do you??

Yeah.

Took you like twenty
seconds to take off your belt.

I don't know if you noticed here,

but he had some good
tactics to stall the guy.

He said, "Yo, is that a knife?"

[Kurtis] Yo!
[Danny] Like he was

gonna be interested in
what kinda knife it was.

"Yo, is that my favorite knife you have?"

"Is that a Swiss army knife?"

"Damn."

"Cool, man.

Hold on one second."
(Kurtis giggles)

"I gotta start-- I gotta
jerk off to this!"

(Kurtis laughing)

"Just kidding!"
(belt whipping sound)

Also he must have a
really big belt buckle,

like how brutally this guy gets hit,
(Kurtis laughs)

is actually pretty crazy.

(man yells in pain)

(Kurtis imitates him as Danny laughs)

(laughing) "Just wanted to
show you my knife!"

"Yeah, I was trying to
sell this knife to you,

that's why I said gimme your money!"

(laughing)

Damn, look at that wide
stance for this, too.

(Kurtis laughs) Damn.

He's doing the splits.
(laughing)

(whipping sound effects
as circus music plays)

(laughing)

He's a fucking psycho.
(laughing)

"You messed with the wrong guy."

"Here's how you defend
yourself against a knife."

(circus music plays)
(laughing)

Oh, do.

(immediately descending into laughter)

(sexy, wistful music)
"Oh, please do."

(laughing)

That's what the mugger says when

(swallows) you pull out your belt.

(in unison) "Oh, do."

Back, he was that a knife bro. Oh, do.

Oh, do.

These are really good captions.
[Kurtis, laughing] Yeah.

Okay.

(glass smashing sound)
(men grunting)

I like that they like to start the videos

by someone just being brutally murdered.

Yeah, it's a good way for
audience, uh, retention.

From now on we should just start
our videos with killing someone.

Like right in the first frame.

If we just have a, like some poor bastard,

maybe his car broke down,
he's covered in eggs, you know,

(Danny laughs)

And I took him home.

And I go, I start my video,

"Hey guys."

(makes ripping sound with his mouth)

(laughing)

The guy in the headlock is like,

"I gave him everything."

(laughing)

"Folks!"

(makes ripping sound with mouth
while reverbing clap plays)

[Kurtis, laughing] Yeah.

Do you know what to do
when somebody pins you

against a fence and
stabs the shit out of you?

(laughing)

I firmly believe there's
nothing you can do.

No.

I mean, there's definitely things to do

to AVOID getting here in the first place,

but when you're HERE--

There's nothing you can do.

Yeah.

Ow.

You're dead, man.

--against a fence and
stabs the shit out of you?

He says it in a way that has like, that,

"That relatable moment when--"
(Kurtis giggles)

"--someone pins you against the
fence and stabs the shit out of you?"

Been there, man.

I'm trying to establish
control of the weapon.

If I can get my forearm here, great,

but he counters that by pushing me away,

if he pushes me away
then this is my new threat.

It'd be crazy if in
this hypothetical situation,

it's like, now very controlled,

he still gets stabbed to death.

"And I'm trying to get
his knife. But I just--"

"I just can't!"

"He keeps getting me.

I put my forearm, hh-

h-he counters!"

(laughing)

"God, this guy's good!"

(laughing)

This guy is the self OFFense goat.
(laughing)

I'm moving that out of the way.

"Now his butt is to me
and I finger him." (laughing)

In the States, shoot him.

If you're in Canada, run.
He's got a knife.

(lip smack) Sorry, buddy.

Damn.

Not allowed to shoot him.

♪ O Canada ♪

Heh, three signs you're getting punched.

That one sounds fun.

Three signs you're getting punched.

Number one: Ow!

(laughing)

You look like Tom Hardy if
I ordered you on Wish.

Oh yeah?

(audible punch impact, man groans)

You look like Tom Hardy

if I ordered YOU on Wish.

Not Tom Hardy.
[Kurtis] Right, yeah.

So thank you, I guess?

You look like the face
Tom Hardy would make

(in unison, laughing)
if I ordered you on Wish.

Tom Hardy would be like,

Okay.

Do you know the three
most common signs

before someone punches YOU in the face?

Sign number one: you just told someone

that they look like if Tom Hardy
if they ordered you on Wish.

(Kurtis giggles)

First sign, forward aggression.

Second to look for is
those clenching of the fists.

What do you think the third
one's gonna be at this point?

He's just like,

cocking his arm back.
[Kurtis] Yeah, winding it up, I guess?

If someone says, "why I outta,"

(laughs) Yeah.

You're done for.

--attention, and they're getting
prepared for something

that maybe you're not prepared for.

They could be getting
prepared for something.

(Kurtis giggles)

They're moving towards
you with fists clenched.

What could it be?
(Danny laughs)

Visual diversion.

That's gonna be the third one?

What?

The third one, they're gonna
be looking off in another direction

trying to distract you with their eyes

so that you look away
for that split second

so that they get the job done.

I may be moving forward
towards you, fists clenched.

Yeah.

But I'm gonna actually punch THAT guy.

"Hey, Kurtis! Let's both
go punch that guy."

"Okay."

Kssh!

Ohhh!

Bouquet of flowers.

Oh!

Pssh!

No!
(laughing)

Dove.

(laughing)

Psh! (punching sound)

Here's three signs David Copperfield's
about to beat the shit out of you.

(ominous music)

Lookie here.

(punching sound)

"What to do if you're pushed."
(giggles)

What, you wanna go?

(thud)

(Danny guffaws)

Jesus!

Do you know how to deal with a push?

Well, definitely not

having as little balance as possible.

WAAAH!

What, you wanna go?

(cartoonish "whew" sound)

(giggling and laughter)

Didn't stand a chance.

(laughing)

[Kurtis] Waaaoh!

[Danny] And his feet, too!
[Kurtis] Oh, no!

I've seen, y'know, bar fights,

people get into fights,
[Kurtis] Mhm.

but it's always like, y'know,
fist punching or they're, y'know,

kinda wrestling around on the ground,
[Kurtis] Yeah.

[Danny] just grabbing each other
and pulling each other's hair.

Right.

I've never seen this, like,

PUSH, and like "WOAH!"

He goes crashing through three walls.
[Kurtis] Yeah.

Guy-shaped holes in each wall.
(wall crumbling sound)

Do you know how to deal with this?

No! (laughing)

I'm not Wile E. Coyote!
(laughing)

Do you know how to deal with a push?

I'm opening up that door as much as I can.

Okay, so I go...

[Danny] But then--
[Kurtis] And then I can go...

(bonk)
[Danny] Yeah.

Donk.
(laughing)

We both knock each other out.

(ominous bell tolling)

You know how to knock yourself and
your opponent out at the same time?

So the key here is as he comes up,

just open up enough.

Hopefully my boxing turns on now--

(laughing)

[Kurtis] He looks so scared.

(laughing)

(sad choral music)

(Kurtis laughing)
[Danny] Don't hurt me.

(laughing)

[Kurtis] Please.

(continuous breathless laughter)

"Is he actually gonna hit me this time?"

[Danny] He's like softly
blinking up at him.

(laughing)

What did he do to this guy?

He already got pushed, man,
he's gone through enough.

He also just said,

"hopefully my boxing turns on now."

"I've never practiced boxing before

but I really hope I know how to box!"

"I hope the skill comes outta nowhere."

And I just bring that hand
forward as much as I can.

(laughing)

Jesus!

He was not expecting that second one.

(punching sound)
--bring that hand forward

as much as I can.
(punching sound)

(laughing)

He's just standin' there,

(cheeky ding sound)
go for another one or two.

But that doesn't always work,

especially if they're super big
or if you are caught off guard.

So if you don't know how to
do all that that he just did,

the ol' "wax on wax off,"

you CAN do a soft fall.

Okay.

That would really throw the--

throw your attacker off if he
pushed you and you actually fell.

Yeah, that would fuckin' confuse him,

that'd be crazy.

"Um, now what?"

"Thought he was gonna get closer to me."

(laughing)

Suck all that in to minimize
the damage that you take.

The most vulnerable guy I've ever seen.
(laughing)

(laughing)

Quit your job, man!

You don't have to be there!

That push comes down,

and he goes to break fall this time,

now he's not there.

(laughing)

That's the way you're supposed to fall?

(ominous bell tolling)

(chortling)

Straight into a coffin.

(bell tolls twice as they each fall)

(laughing)

Like a fuckin' vampire.
(ominous bell tolling)

(laughing)

He's suddenly in a suit, embalmed!

(laughing)

--time,

now he's not there.

Now he's not there.

[Kurtis, laughing] Yeah he is.

Where'd he go?

I can only look up here.

(giggling)

Nobody tell him!

Also, that night before you go to the bar,

look up what color
the carpet is at the bar

and dress like the carpet.

(laughing)

You fall to the ground
and sort of scuttle--

(descends into laughter)

Do a crab.

Okay, Kurtis.

So if all else fails,

and you need to defend yourself,

all of the making yourself,
uh, hard target didn't work,

Mhm.

He pushed you and you
didn't fly far enough away,

you're gonna need to fight.

Okay?

Okay.

The good news is...

all you need is one punch.

Okay?

You can end ANY fight.

With one punch.

And I'm gonna show you how.

Okay.

I'm excited.

You're that jerk in the Lexus!

[Selfdefensegoat] Yo,
what are you talking about?

You cut me off in the parking lot!

[Selfdefensegoat] Chill, chill!

No way, I wanna go--

[Selfdefensegoat] Get
outta my space, man!

(punch sound)

Do you know how to
end a fight in one punch?

I can see why he hired this guy,

he's so good at like, leaving
the frame as quickly as possible.

Yeah, he's a pro at that.

--outta my space, man!

(Kurtis and Danny laughing)

He's just GONE.

Zyew!

Once I felt like my foot
was planted enough

that I could push off of it,

I had to make sure I
wasn't showing the punch

or creating a tell.

This is creating a tell.

Loading, shrugging, trying
to punch and come out.

So the first thing--

(boing)

(xylophone tone)

(whoosh)

Loading, shrugging,

trying to punch to come out.

Making sure your arm is--

(laughing) God,

I just like there's a more tactical way
he could be standing in all these videos.

Instead of just like,

the most

malleable, just--

"What are you gonna do to me now?"

(Danny laughs)

I feel like he should be
trying to evade it or something.

He's just, it's so sad how willing he is.

"I deserve it."

(laughing) Yeah!

He's like, "And don't
worry about this guy,

by the way, guys, he deserves all this."

(laughing) "He deserves all of this.

He's a hellish fiend of a man."

(laughing)

"You should see him off camera."

(laughing)

Remember in self defense,
he's approaching me,

I'm hitting him, and
I'm trying to get away.

He said you're punching him
AND trying to get away.

Yeah, you gotta pick one I think.

Yeah.

He's on the ground, you're punching him,

and you're like,

"Let me get outta here!"
(Kurtis laughs)

"This sicko's attacking me!"

"Unhand me!"
(Danny laughs)

They're a bigger opponent than you,

and you don't just hit them with your arm,

you have to hit them with your body.

(laughing)

(glass shattering sound)

Woah!

--further away from you,

and you can open up the hand,

and do like fingers into the eyes,

you might break your fingers

[Selfdefensegoat] but at least you're
not gonna get involved in a fight anymore.

If you train martial arts, use your fist.

If you DON'T train martial
arts, use your palm.

I thought this was gonna
be like a, one punch.

Like he's gonna teach us how to
do one specific punch.

But he's like,

"Uh, I dunno, you might wanna
stick your fingers--"

(laughing)

"Huh, let me think.

You might wanna stick
your fingers in his eyes,

you might wanna--"

"Finger his butthole--"

"With this side of your hand--"

"This part, with your BODY--"

"Yeah, lean him over and SPANK his ass."

"Spank his asshole and tug on his weiner."

"I dunno.

Uh, what was I talking about again?"

(Kurtis giggles)

The title is "End a fight with one punch."

There is no guarantee when
it comes to self defense

that one punch is gonna get the job done.

That's just clickbait, guys."

What?!

(Danny laughs)

What the fuck?

He said that like that's
not the title of HIS video

but OTHER people do that.

Yeah.

"I would never clickbait you guys."

"Look, other people are
gonna try to convince you

that you can "end a fight with one punch."

That's just a bunch
of clickbait bullshit."

"Pussies would say, I
would never do that."

"And honestly, only pussies
would fall for that too.

But anyway, thank you guys
for watching these videos.

(Kurtis giggles)

Thank you for the money."

The reason why I punched him in his face

is cause his hands weren't
protecting his face.

If his hands were here,

it's a whole different ending.

And that's the end of the video.

Nice.

Honestly I'm sure there is some

good self defense advice in here,

but I just like the way
these videos are shot.

Yeah, they're uh,

especially the short videos

cause he's like "okay we gotta
get people's attention, so--"

(Kurtis makes high pitched "ee ee" noises)

Alright Kurtis, well, uh,

you know what, honestly man?

I'm proud of you.

[Kurtis] Thanks, man.
[Danny] I feel like I can tell

that over the course
of these past, gosh,

I don't know, we've been
recording for like an hour?

Mhm.

I feel like you've really changed, y'know.

You think?

Yeah.

I feel like you, uh,

you've taken the initiative,

you're no longer an easy target,

honestly now? You're a threat.

And for that,

I commend you.

(Danny chokes while laughing)

(badass trap music plays)