< Return to Video

Honest Trailers - Fifty Shades of Grey (100th Episode!)

  • 0:06 - 0:11
    ♪ (epic fanfare) ♪
  • 0:13 - 0:16
    (movie reel clicks)
  • 0:17 - 0:19
    (HT Guy) Six years ago,
  • 0:19 - 0:23
    fanfiction.net user Snowqueens Icedragon
  • 0:23 - 0:25
    wrote a dirty story on her cellphone.
  • 0:25 - 0:28
    I used to write a lot of it on my Blackberry.
  • 0:28 - 0:31
    You wrote it on your Blackberry?
  • 0:31 - 0:33
    (HT Guy) Then you turned her kinky Twilight fanfiction
  • 0:33 - 0:37
    into one of the best-selling novels of all time.
  • 0:37 - 0:38
    (sarcastically) Way to go.
  • 0:38 - 0:41
    Now get ready for the film adaptation
  • 0:41 - 0:43
    that ended up leaving millions of people
  • 0:43 - 0:44
    around the world asking:
  • 0:46 - 0:47
    (in disbelief) "Is that it?"
  • 0:47 - 0:49
    (dramatically) Fifty Shades of Grey.
  • 0:50 - 0:52
    Teenage girls around the world
  • 0:52 - 0:54
    made Twilight into a global phenomenon.
  • 0:54 - 0:57
    Now it's mom's turn
  • 0:57 - 1:00
    as the ridiculous fantasy of dating a vampire
  • 1:00 - 1:01
    is cast aside
  • 1:01 - 1:03
    for the ridiculous fantasy
  • 1:03 - 1:06
    of being a gorgeous billionaire's
    pampered sex slave.
  • 1:07 - 1:09
    Meet Bella Swan-- oh, I'm sorry, I mean...
  • 1:09 - 1:10
    You-You know what? Screw it.
  • 1:10 - 1:14
    Meet Bella Swan, a cutsie non-descript virgin
  • 1:14 - 1:16
    who's so sweet she doesn't even know
  • 1:16 - 1:18
    what a butt plug is.
  • 1:18 - 1:19
    What are butt plugs?
  • 1:19 - 1:22
    (HT Guy) It's a plug. For your butt.
  • 1:22 - 1:24
    Speaking of butt holes,
  • 1:24 - 1:25
    her world will change
  • 1:25 - 1:29
    when she meets the mysterious
    Christian Edward Cullen Grey,
  • 1:29 - 1:31
    a mysterious billionaire
  • 1:31 - 1:34
    who runs a mysterious multi-national corporation,
  • 1:34 - 1:36
    which is mysteriously able to function
  • 1:36 - 1:38
    without him doing any actual work.
  • 1:38 - 1:40
    He's emotionally repressed...
  • 1:40 - 1:41
    Hearts and flowers?
  • 1:41 - 1:43
    That's not something I know.
  • 1:43 - 1:44
    (HT Guy) ..rude...
  • 1:44 - 1:45
    - To what do you--
    - To what do I owe my success?
  • 1:45 - 1:46
    Seriously?
  • 1:46 - 1:47
    (HT Guy) ..is a stalker...
  • 1:48 - 1:49
    (gasps in shock)
  • 1:49 - 1:50
    (startled gasp)
  • 1:51 - 1:52
    (startled gasp)
  • 1:52 - 1:53
    (Anastasia) Oh, Christian!
  • 1:53 - 1:55
    What are you doing here, Christian?
  • 1:55 - 1:56
    I came to see you.
  • 1:56 - 1:57
    (HT Guy) ..controls what she eats...
  • 1:57 - 1:58
    Eat.
  • 1:58 - 1:59
    You need to eat.
  • 1:59 - 2:01
    (Christian reading contract)
    The submissive will eat regularly
  • 2:01 - 2:03
    to maintain her health and well-being.
  • 2:03 - 2:06
    (HT Guy) ...and is an all-around sociopath.
  • 2:06 - 2:07
    You're the complete serial killer.
  • 2:08 - 2:09
    Not today.
  • 2:09 - 2:13
    (HT Guy) But who cares
    when you've got these aaaaaabs!
  • 2:13 - 2:16
    And Auuuudis.
  • 2:16 - 2:20
    And aaaaaaaa really nice apartment.
  • 2:21 - 2:24
    So strap in for all the steamy action
  • 2:24 - 2:28
    people were expecting
    from Fifty Shades of Gray, like:
  • 2:28 - 2:29
    Emails.
  • 2:29 - 2:31
    ♪ (steamy music) ♪
  • 2:31 - 2:32
    (HT Guy) Texting.
  • 2:33 - 2:35
    Contracts.
  • 2:35 - 2:36
    (Christian) This is is a contract.
  • 2:36 - 2:37
    Read it carefully.
  • 2:37 - 2:38
    (Christian reading contract)
    The following are the terms
  • 2:38 - 2:40
    of a binding contract.
  • 2:40 - 2:41
    (HT Guy) Contract negotations.
  • 2:41 - 2:46
    (Anastasia) Turn to page five,
    appendix three: soft limits.
  • 2:46 - 2:48
    (HT Guy) Non-disclosure agreements.
  • 2:48 - 2:49
    (Anastasia) What's this?
  • 2:49 - 2:50
    It's a non-disclosure agreement.
  • 2:50 - 2:51
    (HT Guy) Conditions.
  • 2:51 - 2:53
    I'm not gonna touch you.
  • 2:53 - 2:54
    Not until I have your written consent.
  • 2:54 - 2:55
    What?
  • 2:55 - 2:56
    (HT Guy) Clauses.
  • 2:56 - 2:58
    I broke rule seven, clause five.
  • 2:58 - 3:02
    (HT Guy) And tender missionary love making!
  • 3:02 - 3:04
    What the f*ck?!
  • 3:04 - 3:05
    Let's get kinky weird!
  • 3:05 - 3:07
    Epic Voice Guy's in a dull marriage, man!
  • 3:08 - 3:10
    Not starring...
  • 3:10 - 3:12
    These horrible lines from the book
  • 3:12 - 3:15
    that thankfully didn't make it into the movie:
  • 3:15 - 3:18
    "His voice is warm and husky,
  • 3:18 - 3:23
    like dark melted chocolate
    fudge caramel... or something."
  • 3:24 - 3:27
    "I feel the color in my cheeks rising again.
  • 3:27 - 3:31
    I must be the color of the Communist Manifesto."
  • 3:31 - 3:36
    "His erection springs free. HOLY COW!"
  • 3:36 - 3:39
    ♪ This movie's written so lazy right now ♪
  • 3:39 - 3:44
    ♪ The book that it was based on so lazy right now ♪
  • 3:44 - 3:48
    "Holy crap! He's wearing a white shirt."
  • 3:48 - 3:52
    "I flush at the waywardness of my subconscious--
  • 3:52 - 3:54
    She's doing her happy dance
  • 3:54 - 3:56
    in a bright red hula skirt."
  • 3:56 - 3:59
    ♪ I wish somebody would taze me right now ♪
  • 3:59 - 4:04
    ♪ This story's about as sexy as rabies right now ♪
  • 4:04 - 4:06
    (HT Guy) And this line that did...
  • 4:07 - 4:09
    (Christian) 'Cause I'm 50 shades of f*cked up.
  • 4:09 - 4:11
    (HT Guy) Ugh, what does that even mean?!
  • 4:11 - 4:13
    That's not even a common phrase.
  • 4:13 - 4:15
    It's just related to the dumb title of the book!
  • 4:15 - 4:17
    Ugh, worst date night ever.
  • 4:17 - 4:18
    I'm never getting laid.
  • 4:18 - 4:22
    ♪ Oh well, I'll just go and watch a porno ♪
  • 4:22 - 4:26
    (HT Guy) 50 Shades of Greeaaat
    There's Gonna Be Two More of These.
  • 4:26 - 4:27
    Good Job World.
  • 4:29 - 4:30
    (Anastasia) Punish me.
  • 4:30 - 4:32
    Show me how bad it can be.
  • 4:32 - 4:33
    I want you to show me the worst.
  • 4:33 - 4:35
    I'm gonna hit you six times.
  • 4:35 - 4:37
    (HT Guy) Six slaps is the worst it gets?!
  • 4:37 - 4:39
    Didn't you google bondage earlier?
  • 4:40 - 4:43
    Thanks for watching our 100th Honest Trailer.
  • 4:43 - 4:45
    If you'd like to see 100 more,
  • 4:45 - 4:48
    do us a favor and click
    that big yellow subscribe button.
  • 4:48 - 4:50
    Go ahead. We dare you.
  • 4:50 - 4:52
    To celebrate 100 Honest Trailers,
  • 4:52 - 4:55
    we're offering 50% off
    our new Screen Junkies t-shirts
  • 4:55 - 4:57
    for the next 48 hours.
  • 4:57 - 4:59
    Just click the link in the description below
  • 4:59 - 5:00
    and use the promo code HONEST
  • 5:00 - 5:03
    to get half off the sweetest T's in the universe.
  • 5:03 - 5:06
    Nicholas Cage was great in Ghost Rider!
  • 5:06 - 5:09
    Sweet monkey pee pee sauce.
  • 5:09 - 5:12
    Are you a Yoshi? Can I ride you?
  • 5:12 - 5:14
    I'm going to poop in reverse!
  • 5:14 - 5:16
    Oh my god! They killed Sean Bean!
  • 5:16 - 5:18
    You bastards!
  • 5:18 - 5:20
    (gruffly) Where is the trigger?
  • 5:20 - 5:21
    Where is it?!
  • 5:21 - 5:23
    You'd never give it to an ordinary citizen!
  • 5:23 - 5:25
    [captioned by www.facebook.com/subtitleyoutube]
Title:
Honest Trailers - Fifty Shades of Grey (100th Episode!)
Description:
more » « less
Video Language:
English
Duration:
05:25

English subtitles

Revisions

Our website uses cookies for analysis purposes.