Legally Blonde The Musical (Pro-shot MTV)

[audience cheering and applauding]

[upbeat rock music]

[girls chattering]

♪ Dear Elle, he's a lucky guy ♪

♪ I'm like gonna cry, I got
tears comin' out of my nose ♪

♪ Mad props ♪

♪ He's the campus catch ♪

♪ You're a perfect match ♪

♪ 'Cause you both got such
great taste in clothes ♪

♪ Of course he will propose ♪

♪ Dear Elle, honey mazel tov ♪

♪ Future's taking off ♪

♪ Bring that ring back and show it to me ♪

♪ Four carats, a princess cut ♪

♪ Are you psyched or what ♪

♪ I just wish I could be there to see ♪

♪ When he gets down on one knee ♪

♪ Oh my god ♪

♪ Omigod you guys ♪

♪ Looks like Elle's gonna win the prize ♪

♪ If there ever was a perfect
couple, this one qualifies ♪

♪ Omigod you guys ♪

♪ Omigod this is happening ♪

♪ Our own homecoming Queen and King ♪

♪ Finally she'll be trying on ♪

♪ A huge engagement ring for size ♪

♪ Omigod you guys ♪

♪ Omigod ♪

Shut up, Elle?

Shut up, Warner?

Shut up, engaged?

Oh my god!

[perky music]

♪ Okay, everybody signed ♪

♪ Good, now fall in line ♪

♪ And well start the engagement parade ♪

♪ Light candles in single file ♪

♪ Don't forget to smile ♪

♪ Lose the gum Kate ♪

♪ You look like the maid ♪
Sorry!

♪ Now prepare to serenade ♪

Shhh!

♪ Oh my god ♪

♪ Omigod you guys ♪

♪ Looks like Elle's gonna win the prize ♪

Shh!

♪ If there ever was a
perfect couple this one- ♪

Shh!

♪ Omigod ♪

Guys I'm serious!

♪ Elle and Warner were meant to be ♪

♪ Not once ever has he hit on me ♪

♪ Shut up ♪

♪ They're just like that
couple from Titanic ♪

♪ Only no one dies ♪

♪ Omigod ♪

♪ Two, three, four ♪

♪ Daughter of Delta Nu ♪

♪ Soon to be fiance ♪

♪ Now that a man chose you ♪

♪ Your life begins today ♪

♪ Make him a happy home ♪

♪ Waste not his hard-earned wage ♪

♪ And so he does not roam ♪

♪ Strive not to look your age ♪

♪ Still in your hour of need ♪

♪ Let it be understood ♪

♪ No man can supersede ♪

♪ Our sacred bond of sisterhood ♪

♪ Oh my god ♪

♪ Omigod you- ♪

Guys, shes not here.

EVERYONE: What?

That makes me crazy in my head!

[audience cheering]

Bruiser, Bruiser where is Elle?

[Bruise barks]

She doesn't have an engagement outfit?

[Bruiser barks]

Oh my god!

She is totally freaking out?

She's trapped in the Old Valley Mill?

[Bruiser barks]

Oh, woops, sorry.

The Old Valley Mall!

[girls scream]

♪ Oh my god, guys emergency ♪

♪ Don't take the freeway ♪

♪ Hey, wait for me ♪

♪ No one should be left alone
to dress and to accessorize ♪

♪ Omigod you guys ♪

♪ Omigod ♪

♪ Omigod ♪

♪ Omigod ♪

♪ Omigod ♪

♪ Omigod ♪

[audience cheering]

Almost there but.
[gentle music]

♪ This dress needs to seal the deal ♪

♪ Make a grown man kneel ♪

♪ But it can't come
right out and say bride ♪

♪ Cant look like I'm desperate ♪

♪ Or like I'm waiting for it ♪

♪ I gotta leave Warner his pride ♪

♪ So bride is more implied ♪

♪ There she is ♪

♪ Oh my god ♪

♪ Omigod you guys ♪

♪ All this week I've had butterflies ♪

♪ Every time he looks at me
its totally proposal eyes ♪

♪ Omigod you guys ♪

♪ So help me dress for my fairy tale ♪

♪ Can't wear something I bought on sale ♪

♪ Love is like forever ♪

♪ This is no time to economize ♪

♪ Omigod you guys ♪

Blonde's make commission so easy.

Excuse me.

Uh-huh.

Have you seen this?

It just came in.

Ooh, it's perfect for a blonde.

Right, with a half loop
stitch on China silk?

Uh-huh.

But the thing is, you cant use a

half loop stitch on
China silk, it'll pucker.

And you didn't just get this in

because I saw it in last Mays Vogue.

♪ Oh my god ♪

♪ Omigod, you guys ♪

I am not about to buy

Last years dress at this years price.

♪ Elle saw right through
that sales girls lies ♪

It may be perfect for a blonde,
but I'm not that blonde.

♪ I may be in love, but I'm not stupid ♪

♪ Lady I've got eyes ♪

♪ Oh my god, Elle Woods ♪

♪ Sorry our mistake ♪

♪ Courtney, take your break ♪

♪ Just ignore her, she hasn't been well ♪

♪ Try this latest from Milan ♪
She hasn't been well.

♪ Go on try it on ♪

♪ I take care of my best clientele ♪

♪ It's a gift from me to Elle ♪

♪ Oh my god ♪

♪ Omigod you guys ♪

♪ This ones perfect,
and its just my size ♪

♪ See dreams really do come true ♪

♪ You never have to compromise ♪

♪ Omigod ♪

♪ Oh my god ♪

♪ Omigod you guys ♪

♪ Let's go home before someone cries ♪

♪ If there ever was a perfect
couple, this one qualifies ♪

♪ 'Cause we love you guys ♪

♪ No, I love you guys ♪

♪ Omigod ♪

♪ Omigod ♪

♪ Omigod ♪

♪ You guys ♪

♪ Omigod ♪

[audience applauds]

[triumphant music]

[audience laughing]

[audience cheering]

[slow romantic music]

[audience cheers]

Oh Warner, tonight's just perfect.

No, you're perfect.

No, you are.

No, you are.
No, you.

No, you.
You.

You.
You.

ELLE: Okay, I'm even irritating myself.

[audience laughs]

Elle, I want you to know
how happy you've made me.

I mean, every guy dreams of finding a girl

who looks like you.

♪ We both know why we're here ♪

♪ I see it in your eyes ♪

♪ I guess it calms my fear ♪

♪ To know it's not a surprise ♪

♪ I thought one look at you ♪

♪ Looking like a dream come true ♪

♪ Would leave me speechless
like you always do ♪

♪ But now we're wide awake ♪

♪ And we've got some plans to make ♪

♪ Let's take some action, baby ♪

♪ So baby give me your hand ♪

♪ I've got some dreams to make true ♪

♪ I've got the future all planned ♪

♪ It's time to get serious ♪

♪ Time to get serious with you ♪

♪ I never thought that I- ♪

Um, honey, I'm not finished.

Oh, sorry!
[audience laughs]

♪ Since I was two or three ♪
♪ Mm-hm ♪

♪ My life was planned out neat ♪
Mh-mm

♪ I'd get my law degree ♪
♪ Yeah ♪

♪ And then win my senate seat ♪
♪ Mm-hm ♪

♪ A big white house back East ♪
♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ All of the amenities ♪
♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Three kids that please
just like the Kennedy's ♪

♪ Here's where our lives begin ♪
♪ Our lives begin ♪

♪ But just where do you fit in ♪

♪ Fit me in ♪

♪ I'll break it down now, baby ♪

♪ So baby give me your hand ♪
♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Here's my hand, here's my hand ♪

♪ I've got some dreams to make true ♪

♪ We both have dreams to make true ♪

♪ I'll know that you'll understand ♪

♪ Oh yes, I understand ♪

♪ It's time to get serious ♪

♪ It's time to get serious ♪

♪ Serious ♪

♪ We gotta wake up and take our journey ♪

♪ Serious ♪

♪ I'm telling you as a future attorney ♪

♪ You want the moon and sky ♪

♪ Then take it, don't be shy ♪

♪ Baby, that's why you and I ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ Should break up ♪

♪ Yes baby, I'll give you my hand ♪

What?

[audience laughs]

You're breaking up with me?

But I,

I thought you were proposing.

Oh yeah.

I did talk to my parents
about that, Pooh Bear,

but they.
[Elle crying]

Oh.

But they expect a lot from me.

I'm going off to Harvard Law School

and my brother's at Yale
law and so is his new wife,

and she's a Vanderbilt for Christ's sake.

Oh, so I'm not good enough for you?

Warner I'm from Malibu, I'm
not exactly trailer trash here!

Richard Simmons is our neighbor!

[audience laughs]

Elle, if I'm gonna be
a Senator when I'm 30,

I'm gonna need somebody,

♪ Serious ♪

♪ Less of a Marilyn more of a Jackie ♪

♪ Serious ♪

♪ Somebody classy and not too tacky ♪

♪ What ♪

♪ Okay, that came out wrong ♪

[Elle sobs]

♪ Baby, let's both be strong ♪

♪ I mean, we've known all along ♪

♪ Just shut up ♪

What does that mean?

I'm not a Jackie.

I'm not serious,

but I am seriously in love with you.

[slow gentle music]

♪ Baby my future's all planned ♪

[Elle sobbing]

♪ I've got some dreams to make true ♪

♪ I thought that you'd understand ♪

♪ It's time to get serious ♪

♪ Time to get serious ♪

[gentle violin music]
Check please.

[audience applauds]

[perky music]

♪ Daughter of Delta Nu ♪

♪ Sweetheart it's been 12 days ♪

♪ Please let us help you through ♪

♪ She's eating Milky Ways ♪

Uh-huh!

Tell me those are fun-sized!

♪ I think he should be shot ♪

♪ And let me tell you what ♪

♪ I don't think he's that hot ♪

♪ I do ♪

♪ Well You're a slut ♪

[audience laughs]

Look who is talking!

Oh, uh uh!

Three words, Spring Break, Cabo!

[girls shouting]
[audience laughing]

[fingers snapping]

Must we all descend into madness?

GIRL: Yes.

Snap it out.
Oh honey!

ELLE: Snap it out.

So good to see you!
[audience laughs]

Look, we brought you new magazines.

We got Town and Country,
and your favorite,

the one they named after you,

Elle Magazine!

Thanks Pilar, but I think
it's gonna take more than

Elle and Town and Country to bring me back

from my shame spiral.

Well then sweetie, you are
just going to have to hold on

because the new Vogue is
not out til next week, okay?

[Elle screams]

What?

Do not tell me ponchos are back in.

No, worse.

It's Warner's brother Peyton Huntington

the fourth and his bride.

Pictures from their wedding, look.

Muffy Vanderbilt.

[girls laughing]

GIRLS: Muffy!

Ew.

Wait a sec!

This is the kind of girl Warner wants.

Someone serious!

[dramatic music]

Someone lawyerly!

Someone who wears black
when nobody's dead!

[tense music]
Girls,

I have a completely brilliant plan.

What?
Oh my god, what's happening?

♪ What you want, Warner ♪
[upbeat music]

♪ What you want is me ♪

♪ But you need to see me
in a brand new domain ♪

♪ Well it's plain, Warner ♪

♪ In a different setting,
you will see you're getting ♪

♪ All of this plus a brain ♪

♪ I'll meet you there at
Harvard with a book in my hand ♪

♪ Big sturdy book, big wordy book ♪

♪ Full of words I'll understand ♪

♪ And right there is
where you'll see it too ♪

♪ Warner, what you want
is right in front of you ♪

♪ What you want ♪

♪ It's clear ♪

♪ What you want ♪

♪ Right here ♪

♪ What you want is right in
front of you, front of you ♪

♪ What you want ♪

♪ It's clear ♪

♪ What you want ♪

♪ Right here ♪

♪ What you want is right in
front of you, front of you ♪

♪ Step one, he's off to Harvard law ♪

♪ So I get in there too ♪

♪ Step two ♪

♪ Make Warner reassess ♪

♪ Impress him with my high IQ ♪

♪ Step three ♪

♪ We throw a great big wedding ♪

♪ And invite all Delta Nu ♪

♪ That's great, nice plan ♪

♪ Now can we think this through ♪

Harvard Law School?

I have a 4.0 average.

Yeah, in Fashion Merchandising.

What makes you think you can do this?

♪ Love, I'm doing this for love ♪

♪ And love will see me through ♪

♪ Yes with love on my side, I can't lose ♪

♪ And Harvard can't refuse ♪

♪ A love so pure and true ♪

♪ Don't lawyers feel love too ♪

♪ Even if they do ♪

♪ What you want, sweetheart
is no easy thing ♪

♪ If you're going to swing it ♪

♪ It will wreck your senior spring ♪

♪ Yeah it's true ♪

♪ First, you'll need an LSAT
score of more than 174 ♪

♪ So no more parties for you ♪

♪ You'll need a killer
essay, or do not even hope ♪

♪ And glowing letters from your betters ♪

♪ Any chance you know the pope ♪

♪ Uh, nope ♪

♪ Too bad cause that would be a coup ♪

♪ And you've got a lot
of work in front of you ♪

♪ What you want ♪

♪ Yes I know ♪

♪ What you want ♪

♪ Even so ♪

♪ What you want is right in
front of you, front of you ♪

♪ What you want ♪

♪ Girl, you go ♪

♪ What you want ♪

♪ No, really, go ♪

♪ What you want is right in
front of you, front of you ♪

Law school?

Yes, Daddy, law school!

Good God, why?

Law school is for boring,
ugly, serious people!

[audience laughing]

And you, Button, are none of those things.

♪ What you want, Button ♪
[upbeat music]

♪ Hey, you just say the word ♪

♪ But what you want's absurd ♪

♪ And costs a whole lot of swag ♪

♪ And hell why ♪

♪ Button, when you can stay right here ♪

♪ Pursue a film career ♪

♪ How 'bout a nice Burkin bag ♪

♪ Yes, the East coast is foreign ♪

♪ There's no film studios ♪

♪ It's cold and dark, no valet parking ♪

♪ All the girls have different noses ♪

♪ Cripes, Button ♪

♪ It's like the damned frontier ♪

♪ Tell me what's out there
that you can't get right here ♪

♪ Guys, love ♪

♪ Love ♪
♪ I'm going there for love ♪

♪ A love I have to win ♪

♪ I can live without sun or valet ♪

♪ I can't just walk away ♪

♪ Betray what might have been ♪

♪ Fine, okay, I'll pay
your way if you get in ♪

♪ What you want ♪

♪ Make the grade ♪

♪ What you want ♪

♪ And it's paid ♪

♪ What you want is right in
front of you, front of you ♪

Hey everybody!

It's the spring fling beer bash extreme!

MEN: Extreme!
[audience cheering]

Not for you!

You can either party or
get into Harvard Law.

Time to study!

Go!

[girl laughs]

This year's theme,
You heard me!

GIRL: oh my god!

Jamaican me crazy!

♪ What you want, you wanna be
out because the sun, she warm ♪

♪ What you want, you wanna be
study-stuck inside your dorm ♪

♪ What you want, you wanna be
party with us all night long ♪

♪ What you want, you wanna be strong ♪

♪ Be strong ♪

[audience cheering]

134, not good enough, try again.

Go!

♪ What you want, you wanna be groovin', ♪

♪ Bumpin' shake the room ♪

♪ What you want, you wanna be
provin' something and to whom ♪

♪ What you want, you wanna be wonderin' ♪

♪ Where you your youth is gone ♪

♪ What you want, you wanna hold on ♪

Hold on!

♪ Oh-oh ♪

151, still not Harvard material.

Once again, go!

♪ Love ♪
♪ What you want ♪

♪ You wanna be breathing in ♪
♪ I'm doing this for love ♪

♪ The healthy air ♪

♪ What you want, ♪

♪ You wanna be chasing him ♪
♪ And that's how ♪

♪ And he don't care ♪
♪ I'll survive ♪

♪ What you want, you wanna ignore ♪

♪ The pity in their looks ♪
♪ Here you go ♪

♪ What you want ♪
♪ I said no ♪

♪ You wanna say sorry ♪

♪ Go and hit me books ♪
♪ Go away ♪

♪ What you want, ♪

♪ You wanna be sittin' ♪
♪ Right here is ♪

♪ Like a lonely child ♪
♪ Where I'll stay ♪

♪ What you want, you wanna be drivin' ♪

♪ All the fellas wild ♪
♪ Until that happy day ♪

♪ What you want, you
wanna be feelin' good ♪

♪ To be alive ♪
♪ The day I hear them say ♪

♪ 175 ♪
♪ 175 ♪

175!

♪ 175 ♪

♪ 175 ♪
[audience applauding]

So, gentlemen,

Harvard Law grants admission to Adam Cohen

and Sundeep Padamadan.

Ooh, outstanding!

And now, Miss Elle Woods.

[light tense music]

Who was kind enough to send in a headshot.

[audience laughs]

She's applying?

Apparently!

Well, she has a 4.0 average.

Yes, in Fashion Merchandising.

Well she did get a 175 on her LSATs.

Yes, and there's also a
letter of recommendation

from Oprah Winfrey!

[audience laughs]

Gentlemen.

Gentlemen, I'm not arguing
Miss Woods is unqualified,

but look at her!

Is that the face of Harvard Law?

Multiculturalism!

Excuse me?

We should admit her

for reasons of-

Multiculturalism!
Multiculturalism, exactly!

Gentlemen!

Gentlemen, please, get
a hold of yourselves!

This is Harvard Law School, not Match.com!

[audience laughs]

Oh, look at that!

Oh, what a shame!

She didn't bother sending
in a personal essay!

[drum rolling]

How's this for a personal essay!

[upbeat music]

♪ What you want ♪

♪ Goodness me ♪

♪ What you want ♪

♪ Security ♪

♪ What you want is right in- ♪

PROFESSOR: Who are you?

♪ I'm what you want, Harvard ♪

♪ I'm the girl for you ♪

♪ And to prove it's true ♪

♪ We all flew here on Jet Blue ♪

♪ Thank you ♪

Thank you!

Call me, oh.

♪ Elle Woods inspires ♪

♪ Everyone admires her ♪

♪ And Harvard should too ♪

This is not a personal essay!

♪ Nope, an essay's so boring
and so much does not fit ♪

♪ So we're appearing live, right here ♪

♪ Making clear you must admit ♪

♪ That Elle Woods should
join the chosen few ♪

♪ Harvard, what you want
is right in front of ♪

PROFESSOR: Watch out!

[upbeat music]
[audience cheering]

♪ And now some legal jargon ♪

[shoes tapping]

♪ Exhibit A ♪

♪ I'm it ♪

♪ Time for my cross ♪
[upbeat music]

♪ I object ♪

♪ May I approach ♪

[fast paced music]

Uh-uh-huh!

♪ I say what ♪

♪ I say what ♪

♪ I say what ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ Uh-Huh ♪

♪ Oh yeah ♪

♪ Go, Elle ♪

[upbeat music]
[cheerleaders cheering]

Been to Africa!

[whistle blows]

[audience cheering]

Now see here, Miss Woods!

You can't just barge in here with singing

and dancing and ethnic movement.

[audience laughs]

This is a very flashy presentation,

but I still don't see
one reason to admit you!

[chimes chiming]

♪ How about love ♪

[audience laughs]

♪ You ever been in love ♪

♪ 'Cause if you have, you'll know ♪

♪ That love never accepts a defeat ♪

♪ No challenge it can't meet ♪

♪ No place it cannot go ♪

♪ Don't say no to a woman in love ♪

♪ Don't laugh when I say love ♪

♪ Don't think that I'm naive ♪

♪ Because even a person who's smart ♪

♪ Can listen to their heart ♪

♪ Can listen and believe ♪

♪ So believe in what love can achieve ♪

♪ Do you believe ♪
[upbeat music]

♪ I do ♪

♪ Do you believe ♪

♪ Me too ♪
♪ Yes, we believe in love ♪

♪ How 'bout you ♪

Welcome to Harvard!

[everyone cheering]
[upbeat music]

♪ What you want ♪
♪ Now we're set ♪

♪ What you want ♪
♪ Let's go get ♪

♪ What you want is right in
front of you, front of you ♪

♪ What you want ♪

♪ Now we're done ♪

♪ What you want ♪

♪ With step one ♪

♪ What you want is right in
front of you, front of you ♪

♪ What you want ♪

♪ What you want ♪

♪ What you want ♪

♪ What you want ♪

[audience cheering]

Hello, I'm Emmett Forrest,
Class of aught five.

Represent.

[audience laughs]

Welcome to the hallowed
halls of Harvard Law.

I know firsthand how hard you've all

worked to be here today,

so let's go around and share
a bit about yourselves.

Aaron Schultz.

♪ I won a Fulbright and a Rhodes ♪

♪ I write financial software codes ♪

♪ But that's a challenge I've outgrown ♪

♪ How many yachts can one man own ♪

♪ Some say that I'm a pompous creep ♪

♪ Some how I don't lose that much sleep ♪

♪ Why bother with false modesty ♪

♪ Harvard's the perfect place for me ♪

♪ Pretty impressive, good to know ♪

♪ Welcome to Harvard ♪

♪ What's up ♪

♪ Yo ♪

Sundeep Agrawal Padamadan,

but you may call me Your Majesty.

♪ In my country ♪

♪ My word was law ♪

♪ But then I flee ♪

♪ Because of stupid coup d-etat ♪

♪ But here I learn ♪

♪ I make new friends ♪

♪ And soon return ♪

♪ In Bulletproof Mercedes Benz ♪

♪ Pretty impressive, good to know ♪

♪ Welcome to- ♪

♪ Enid Hoopes ♪

♪ I did the Peace Corps overseas ♪

♪ Inoculating refugees ♪

♪ In family clinics that I built
myself from mud and trees ♪

♪ I fought to clean up their lagoons ♪

♪ And save their rare endangered loons ♪

♪ And led a protest March
against insensitive cartoons ♪

♪ Pretty impressive, good to- ♪

♪ But now I'm on the legal track ♪

♪ Because this country's out of whack ♪

♪ And only women have the
guts to go and take it back ♪

♪ We'll make the government complete ♪

♪ And get more people voting green ♪

♪ And really stick it to the
phallocentric war machine ♪

I love your top!

It is so fatigued chic!

So, how psyched are you guys!

Snaps!

First day of Harvard Law!

[audience cheering and applauding]

I'm Elle Woods, and this is Bruiser Woods.

Enid!

Oh my God, we both have
names that start with an E!

Oh my God, we're like practically twins.

We were just going around the circle.

Tell us something about yourself.

Me?

Okay.

Well, I'm a Gemini with
a double Capricorn moon,

and I have a bachelor's degree from UCLA

where I was Sig Ep sweetheart,

president of Delta Nu Sorority,

and founded the charity Shop For a Cause.

Oh, and just last week at Fred Segal,

I talked Beyonce out of buying

a truly heinous cable knit tube top.

Whoever said tangerine is the new pink,

is seriously disturbed!

[audience cheering]

I did not know that.

[audience laughs]

Does anyone know where I can find

Criminal Law 101 with Professor Callahan

and Warner Huntington the third?

Actually, we're all headed there,

so I'm sure somebody would
be happy to show you.

Huh?

It's in Hauser.

Over there, second building on the left.

Thank you.

You know, I don't think dogs
are exactly allowed in class.

Oh, Bruiser's not a dog, Bruiser's family.

I'll just drop him off at my room.

He'd be happier there anyway.

Bruiser loves "Days of our Lives".

I'll see you later then!
[dramatic music]

♪ I won a Fulbright and a Rhodes ♪

♪ In my country ♪
♪ I write financial ♪

♪ Software codes ♪
♪ My word ♪

♪ I did the Peace Corps overseas ♪

♪ Inoculating refugees ♪

♪ Harvard's the perfect place for me ♪

♪ Harvard's the perfect place for ♪

♪ Warner ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

Excuse me.

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

Pardon me?

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

Comin' through!

♪ Harvard's the perfect place for me ♪

♪ Pretty impressive, good to know ♪

♪ Welcome to Harvard ♪

Elle?

Hm, oh my God, Warner?

That is so weird, I
totally forgot you go here.

[audience laughing]

What are you doing here?

I go here.

You got into Harvard?

What, like it's hard?

[audience laughing]

This must be yours, Woods comma Elle.

Is this my social agenda?

[Emmett laughs]

No, your academic roster.

Oh right, there's that.

Let's totally catch up after class.

Who is she?

My ex-girlfriend.

[audience laughing]

Um, all that pink you're wearing,

is that even legal?

Pink is my signature color.

[Vivienne laughs]

So I gather.

Everyone take your seats.

Professor Callahan should
be here any second.

[audience laughs]

You know, three years ago I was sitting

right where you're sitting

and I'd heard all the same rumors

I'm sure you've heard too.

Callahan's ruthless.

He bathes in the blood of
sheep, blah, blah, blah.

Only partly true.
[Enid laughs]

What you really need to know is-

You have the right to remain silent.

Anything you say

will be used against you.
[audience applauds]

♪ Now, when you choose a law career ♪

♪ The moment you embark ♪

♪ There is that joke
you're bound to hear ♪

♪ A lawyer is a shark ♪

♪ Ignore that, it's
simplistic and it's dumb ♪

♪ Only some of you will turn out sharks ♪

♪ Just some ♪

♪ The rest are chum ♪

[slow perky music]

♪ Our topic is, blood in the water ♪

♪ Kids, it's time you faced ♪

♪ Law school is a waste ♪

♪ Oh yes, unless you acquire a taste for ♪

♪ Blood in the water ♪

♪ Dark and red and raw ♪

♪ You're nothing until
the thrill of the kill ♪

♪ Becomes your only law ♪

Mr. Schultz.

Hypothetical question.

Would you be willing to defend

the following banker accused of fraud?

♪ A kind old grandma took her savings ♪

♪ And she sent it ♪

♪ Off to your client ♪

♪ All she saved since she was born ♪

♪ Well he promised to
invest it, but he spent it ♪

♪ On prostitutes, and heroin, and porn ♪

♪ No, I would not wanna take that case ♪

Wrong!

♪ This one is a win unless you're lazy ♪

♪ Grandma's broke ♪

♪ She'll have some hack
from the legal aid ♪

♪ Put her on the stand and
call her old and crazy ♪

♪ Your guy goes free and
he can even get you laid ♪

♪ Look for the ♪

♪ Blood in the water ♪

♪ Read your Thomas Hobbes ♪

♪ Only spineless snobs ♪

♪ Will quarrel with the
morally dubious jobs ♪

♪ Yes, blood in the water ♪

♪ Your scruples are a flaw ♪

Ms. Hoopes.

Hypothetical question.

Would you be the right lawyer
for the following client?

♪ Say they offer you a
bundle for defending ♪

♪ A famous hit man for the Mafia elite ♪

♪ Well, seems he missed his chosen prey ♪

♪ Killed a nun and drove away ♪

♪ Running over three cute
puppies in the streets ♪

What, do you think I wouldn't defend him

just because he's a typical man?

[both laughing]

Oh, you lesbians think you're so tough.

Excuse me sir!

♪ Oh dear, I fear my
comment has offended ♪

♪ Hard to argue though, when
you are too mad to speak ♪

♪ Your employment will
be very quickly ended ♪

♪ When they see how your
emotions make you weak ♪

♪ So what's my point ♪

♪ I run a billion dollar law firm ♪

♪ And I hire four new interns every year ♪

♪ From this class I will
select four young sharks ♪

♪ Whom I respect ♪

♪ And those four will
have a guaranteed career ♪

♪ Do you follow me ♪

♪ So I wanna see what ♪

♪ Blood in the water ♪
Exactly.

♪ Let the games begin ♪

♪ Four of you will win ♪

♪ But just those four
were with a dorsal fin ♪

♪ Yes, blood in the water ♪

♪ So bite, and scratch, and claw ♪

What, yes, Miss-

Woods, Elle Woods.

Well, someone's had their morning coffee.

Could you summarize the case
of state of Indiana V. Hearne

from your reading, please?

Oh, I wanted to answer the puppy question.

But I'm asking you about
the assigned reading.

Okay, who assigns reading
for the first day of class?

[Elle laughs]

You have guts, Miss Woods.

Miss Kensington.

♪ Let us say you teach a
class at Harvard Law School ♪

♪ A position that you're
justly proud about ♪

♪ But a girl on whom you call
hasn't read the case at all ♪

♪ Should you let it go or- ♪

No, I'd throw her out.

[dramatic music]

♪ All right then ♪

[slow paced music]

♪ You heard your classmate ♪

♪ You have just been killed ♪

♪ She cut your throat ♪

♪ So grab your coat ♪

♪ Yes, you've got guts ♪

♪ But now they're spilled ♪

♪ Your blood's in the water ♪

♪ So would you please withdraw ♪

♪ And if you return ♪

♪ Be ready to learn ♪

♪ Or is that unfair ♪

♪ Oh wait, I don't care ♪

♪ That's just how I rule ♪

♪ In life as in school ♪

♪ With fear and shock and awe ♪

♪ You're nothing until ♪
♪ Blood in the water ♪

♪ The thrill of the kill ♪

♪ Blood in the water ♪

♪ Becomes your only law ♪

♪ Blood in the water ♪

♪ Your only law ♪
♪ Blood in the water ♪

♪ Your only law ♪
♪ Blood in the water ♪

♪ Law ♪
♪ Blood in the water ♪

[audience cheers and applauds]

Hey!

Woods comma Elle.

Listen, I got kicked out of
class once first year too.

It's awful.

But trust me, your law career is not over.

Law career?

So not the problem.

Listen, I just need to get
back into class with Warner.

Can you help me?

Yeah.

Come back tomorrow and make
sure you've done your reading.

Right.

Excuse me.

Why would you do that to another girl?

Do what?

We girls have to stick together.

We can't try to look good by
making each other look bad.

[Vivienne chuckles]

I didn't make you look bad,

you just weren't prepared.

Try opening a law book
sometime, but I should warn you,

they don't come with pictures.

So I'll give you ladies a moment then.

[audience laughs]

Aren't there girls going
wild somewhere without you?

[audience laughs]
Oh, hey.

Oh Warner, thank God you're here!

Yeah, Elle, listen, I'm really sorry that-

Sorry for what?

Warner, is there something
you'd like to share with Elle?

Do you know her?

Yeah, Elle,

Vivienne and I went to
boarding school together,

and now she's my girlfriend.

I'm sorry, I just hallucinated.

What did you say?

[audience laughs]

He said, I'm his girlfriend.

Girlfriend?

[Elle screams]
♪ Ah ♪

Margo, Sabrina, Pilar?

Girls,
[tense music]

what are you doing here?

Elle, this is a tragedy!

And every tragedy needs,

a Greek chorus!

♪ Greek chorus ♪

[audience applauds]

Elle, Elle, we are here to help.

Yeah, but we're not actually here, here.

GIRLS: No.

We're just in your head.

♪ Honey, what you crying at ♪

♪ You're not losing him to that ♪

♪ Both her hair and shoes are flat ♪

♪ And why is she so rude ♪

♪ Wipe your tears, it's no big thing ♪

♪ You were meant to wear his ring ♪

♪ Cheer up, chin up, it's time
to bring a happy attitude ♪

♪ Keep it positive ♪

♪ As you slap her to the floor ♪

♪ Keep it positive ♪

♪ As you pull her hair
and call her whore ♪

♪ You can take her in a fight ♪

♪ You and he will reunite ♪

♪ You know we are right ♪

♪ We're positive ♪

♪ Positive, kill her ♪

[girls shouting]

♪ Girls, girls ♪

♪ Violence is never wise ♪

♪ Not the way to win back guys ♪

♪ Anyway, she's twice my size ♪

♪ Who's got a Plan B ♪

♪ Me ♪

♪ Look at her, she's like a nun ♪

♪ Show him you are way more fun ♪

♪ Bust out the lap dance and you've won ♪

♪ You off the hizzle, G ♪

♪ But keep it positive ♪

♪ Yeah, let out your inner freak ♪

♪ Keep it positive ♪

♪ Miss Prissy Pants won't last a week ♪

♪ You will whet his appetite ♪

♪ You and he will reunite ♪

♪ You know we are right ♪

♪ We're positive ♪

♪ We're positive ♪

♪ We're positive ♪

♪ We're ♪

Oh my God, you're making me sick!

Really?

Are we?

Warner, let's take this back to my place.

Yes I do, I have a

♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Be positive ♪

♪ That he loves you and not her ♪

♪ You're hotter ♪

♪ And I bet you're smarter ♪

♪ She don't know the real him ♪

♪ You feel him ♪

♪ So don't let her steal him ♪

♪ Wake him up like Sleeping Beautay ♪

♪ Turn his head with your red hot bootay ♪

♪ We'll bring the noise
if you bring the funk ♪

♪ It's positively time
to shake your junk ♪

♪ Shake, shake, shake, shake ♪

♪ Shake, shake, shake ♪

♪ Shake, shake, shake woo ♪

[upbeat music]

♪ Pump, pump, pump ♪

♪ Oh, oh ♪

[audience laughs]
Girls, how is this helping!

He's not even here!

He left while we were shaking junk!

Wait!

♪ Girls, I'm positive ♪

♪ That we've taken this too far ♪

♪ No, I'm positive ♪

♪ This is Harvard, not a stripper bar ♪

♪ All this trashy carrying on ♪

♪ That's the reason that he's gone ♪

♪ I need a salon ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Girls, I'm positive ♪

♪ Try not to get upset ♪

♪ But I'm positive ♪

♪ That it's time for me to go brunette ♪

♪ What ♪

♪ Being blonde and being hot ♪

♪ But- ♪
♪ That got me exactly squat ♪

♪ I gotta show him I got more to give ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

♪ No, I'm positive ♪

♪ You're positive ♪

♪ I'm positive ♪

♪ You're positive ♪

♪ I'm positive ♪
♪ You're positive ♪

♪ Positive ♪

♪ Positive ♪

[audience applauds]

Hey there!

Hey there, welcome to The Hair Affair!

Oh, you're with Paulette,

so you're in good hands here.

I'm like Allstate, but for hair.

Make me a brunette.

A what?

A brunette?

Oh honey, you can't change this.

You're a genetic lotto win.

Okay, something else is going on here.

Now, backup, Paulette is listening, spiel!

Okay.

I'm Elle Woods and I came all the

way out for Harvard Law school.

That's a good school!

I know, right?

Anyway, I did it all to follow
my one true love, Warner.

But now he's,

he's,

he's dating an evil preppy.

So what she have that you don't got?

Three boobs?

She's serious.

Seriously, does she have three boobs?

[audience laughs]

No, she's a constipated polo
shirt with a mousy brown bob.

Apparently, what's what Warner wants.

So you have to make me a brunette.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Now do you know the number one reason

behind all bad hair decisions?

Love.

[gentle music]

♪ You're lost without your love ♪

♪ Your heart is on the floor ♪

♪ Well, I can help you ♪

♪ I've been there before ♪

♪ When I need to relax ♪

♪ I just put on some tracks ♪

♪ From this CD I bought for the store ♪

[slow gentle music]
[light humming]

Isn't that relaxing?

It's called Celtic Moods!

[audience laughs]

♪ When I'm lonely and feeling dejected ♪

♪ I play this and it never fails ♪

♪ I pretend like I'm in Ireland ♪

♪ With Enya and the whales ♪

[audience laughs]
[whale howls]

♪ When my telephone gets disconnected ♪

♪ Or I spend every night alone ♪

♪ I pretend like I'm in Ireland ♪

♪ Where the Irish bagpipes drone ♪

♪ Smell the grass as a
rainstorm is endin' ♪

♪ People smile while I
stroll past their farms ♪

♪ With a redheaded sailor named Brendan ♪

♪ And we dance without moving our arms ♪

♪ In a bar once I met this guy, Dewey ♪

♪ And he bought me like, 14 beers ♪

♪ And he told me that
he was from Ireland ♪

♪ So I lived with him 10 years ♪

♪ If I squinted, he
looked like my sailor ♪

♪ Through my boozy delusional fog ♪

♪ But he dumped me for
some slut named Kayla ♪

♪ Took my trailer and took my dog ♪

♪ In Ireland they know how to love you ♪

♪ You embrace in the misty Irish breeze ♪

♪ And if your Irish boy tires of you ♪

♪ You're allowed to
shoot him in the knees ♪

♪ Say, you look like
that poster for Ireland ♪

♪ Long blonde hair ♪

♪ And that sweet sunny face ♪

♪ Oh no, wait ♪

♪ That's the poster for Sweden ♪

♪ Oh screw it ♪

♪ I'll never see either place ♪

♪ But a girl sweet as you has a future ♪

♪ You have hope ♪

♪ As each new day dawns ♪

♪ Girls like you always
get to see Ireland ♪

♪ Give my love ♪

♪ To the leprechauns ♪

[audience applauds]

[Paulette cries]

Oh, you know,

it's just times like this,

where I miss my dog Rufus the most.

Look, it's our annual glamor
shot with little sailors.

Oh.

Beyond adorable.

No woman should be denied her dog.

Ugh, tell me something I don't know.

So I'll bring the lobster pot stickers.

Ooh, perfect.

And I have a case of Chardonnay.

Yum.

Now that's a party.

[women laugh]
Oh, there's a party?

Hello, Vivienne.

Hello, Elle.

Yeah, just a few of us

are getting together next Friday night.

Well, hey Elle, maybe that
guy you like will be there.

You should go!

Definitely come.

It's a costume party.

I love costume parties.

Of course you do.

Okay, next Friday at eight, 243 Mass Ave.

See ya there.

ELLE: Thanks Vivienne.

Ooh, hey Elle, you are so gonna borrow

my secret weapon costume I got in storage!

Listen, all we need to do
is dust off the moth balls,

oh, but wait till you see it!

Now you go.

You go and you do this honey,

because if a girl like you
can't win back her guy,

then there is no hope for the rest of us.

Oh, Paulette!

Thank you for talking me off the ledge.

You have no idea how much I need this!

Oh, well then!

Go Elle, you go and fight for him!

♪ The Irish fear nothing and no one ♪

♪ They keep fighting
till everyone's dead ♪

♪ I'm not sure where
this metaphor's goin' ♪

♪ I just felt like it had to be said ♪

♪ There's a guy at that
party who loves you ♪

♪ Something most of us only dream of ♪

♪ You go out there ♪

♪ And you get some Ireland ♪

♪ The country of whiskey ♪

♪ And love ♪

[audience applauds and cheers]

Whitney!

Darling, thank you for hosting this.

Oh, my pleasure.

Oh, thank you.

We all needed a break
from law school anxiety

and worrying about Callahan's internship.

Ugh, you can say that again.

Well you two enjoy yourselves.

Oh, mingle.

Okay.

[Vivienne laughs]

You do know Whitney's
father is next in line

to be Speaker of the House.

So you said.

Oh, just think,

future presidents could
be in this very room.

Okay.

I'm gonna go track down Robert Coleman

and convince him that he
must join our study group.

Apparently, his summer home,

is three houses down from Justice Souter.

Okay, I'm gonna grab a beer, all right?

[light jazz music]
[people chattering]

MAN: Shut up!

[everyone laughing]

Hey, hey, hey, check out Miss October.

WOMAN: Oh my god!

[slow paced music]

Hey stranger.

Elle, man, what's with the costume?

Can't a girl shake things up?

Yeah, but how come you couldn't

wear this when we were going out?

Because I guess you never asked.

Which now ranks as the
greatest regret of my life.

[both chuckle]

No, I, I still can't get over

the fact that you're here at Harvard.

I mean, back at UCLA,
[light music]

I never would have guessed it.

Sometimes I miss the old days.

♪ Those parties senior year ♪

♪ I thought we ruled the world ♪

♪ You funneled all that beer ♪

♪ I held your head when you hurled ♪

♪ We were like Gods back then ♪

♪ Walking among common men ♪

♪ Tell me why can't it be that way again ♪

♪ Dreams don't just disappear ♪

♪ We could keep on dreaming them here ♪

What?

♪ Like senior year, but funner ♪

♪ You've got your future all planned ♪

♪ Yes I do, guess I do ♪

♪ What if I'm standing there too ♪

♪ Wait, I'm not following you ♪

♪ I'm here 'cause I understand ♪

♪ Not sure I understand ♪

♪ I'm here 'cause I'm serious ♪

Yeah right, you look real serious.

Warner, don't forget, I
got into this school too.

And now we'll both be
studying law together.

Maybe we'll both get Callahan's internship

and work together.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second.

Elle, you get kicked out
of class like every day.

You don't actually
believe you have a chance

of getting that internship, do you?

Of course.

Elle, everybody in the class wants it.

Nobody more than me.

It's a guaranteed career.

You're practically made partner
before you get a job offer.

Elle, you're looking fluffy, as usual.

Oh, hello Vivienne.

Thanks for the great tip
on the costume party.

I see you came as last years sample sale.

[audience laughs]

Look, Pooh Bear.

Elle.

You have to ace his course
to get that internship,

and he's not called C
minus Callahan for nothing.

Warner, I am completely
cognizant of both of those facts.

You're not gonna make
it through the semester,

let alone get Callahan's internship.

Even if you keep going
and going and going.

[people laughing]

Face it, bunny,

one of these things is not like the other.

Someday we'll nominate
Supreme Court Justices

and you'll tan.

Run home Elle,

and change out of your skank costume.

Oh, is that what you see Vivienne?

How unfortunate,

because I'm Gloria Steinem circa 1963

researching for her feminist manifesto,

"I was Playboy bunny."

Are you actually calling
Gloria Steinem a skank?

Who's calling Gloria Steinem a skank?

She is!

Vivienne!
[tense music]

I cannot believe that you would say that!

That's totally bad!

[slow paced music]

Whoa.

Elle, what's up

doc?

[audience laughs]

♪ Love ♪

♪ Excuse me ♪
[gentle music]

♪ I put my faith in love ♪

♪ I followed where it led ♪

♪ Love led you here ♪

♪ To my personal circle of hell ♪

♪ It has not worked out well ♪

♪ I wish that I were dead ♪

♪ 'Cause instead of a wedding and love ♪

♪ I'm flunking out of school ♪

♪ A total laughingstock ♪

♪ Someone he and his
friends can just mock ♪

♪ So go on, here's my head ♪

♪ Just hit it with a rock ♪

Wait, go back.

♪ You came out here to follow a man ♪

♪ Harvard law was just part of that plan ♪

♪ Man, what rich romantic
planet are you from ♪

Malibu.

[audience laughing]

♪ Instead of lying outside by the pool ♪

♪ You stalk some guy to
an Ivy league school ♪

♪ That's the weirdest reason I have- ♪

Well, why'd you come?

[upbeat music]

Okay.

♪ I grew up in the Roxbury slums ♪

♪ With my mom and a series of bums ♪

♪ Guys who showed me all
the ways a man can fail ♪

♪ I got through law
school by busting my ass ♪

♪ Worked two jobs in addition to class ♪

♪ So forgive me for not
weeping at your tale ♪

Well, excuse me,

but just because you've got
a chip on your shoulder-

You know what?

You're right.

♪ There's a chip on my shoulder ♪

♪ And it's big as a boulder ♪

♪ With the chance I've been given ♪

♪ I'm going to be driven as hell ♪

♪ I'm so close I can taste it ♪

♪ So I'm not gonna waste it ♪

♪ Yeah, there's a chip on my shoulder ♪

♪ You might wanna get one as well ♪

Well that sounds highly negative.

Hey, I'm just being honest.

When you weren't born into privilege,

you gotta work twice as hard.

I want that sweatshirt back.

Wait!

Two jobs plus law school?

I haven't slept since 1992.

[audience laughs]

Seriously,

how you do it?

♪ Well, I don't go to parties a lot ♪

♪ Not good use of the time that I've got ♪

♪ Can't spend hours doing my
hair and staying in shape ♪

♪ I don't spend hours ♪

♪ But I know it'll all be worthwhile ♪

♪ When I win my first lucrative trial ♪

♪ And buy my mom that great
big house out on the Cape ♪

That's so sweet.

♪ No, that's the chip on my shoulder ♪

♪ I hugged my mom and told her ♪

♪ With a chance I've been given ♪

♪ I'm gonna be driven as hell ♪

♪ Though I can't take the day off ♪

♪ I just think of the pay off ♪

♪ You need a chip on your shoulder ♪

♪ Little Miss Woods comma Elle ♪

No I don't!

I just need to prove to
everyone that I'm serious!

What you need is to get to work.

Make yourself at home.
[perky music]

Hello Kitty.

[audience laughs]

You drink a lot of Red Bull, don't ya?

ELLE: It gives me energy!

[audience laughs]

For when you're up late studying?

ELLE: What?

I said studying.

You do study, don't you?

Where are those law books?

ELLE: Oh, they're under the...

Under the-

The pile

of-

Pile of?

There.

They're here somewhere.

♪ You know this vanity's
real picturesque ♪

♪ But it started its life as a desk ♪

♪ Clear it off and find some
room for books instead ♪

What are you doing?

♪ Can you live without this ♪

♪ Can you live without that ♪

♪ I don't know what this is ♪

It's for hair.

Wear a hat.

♪ Spend some time in proving
what's inside your head ♪

♪ Out, out, put it in storage ♪

♪ Sell it on eBay, leave it behind ♪

♪ Out, out, what, are you angry ♪

♪ Good, so get angry ♪

♪ You may find a chip on your shoulder ♪

[Elle grunts]
♪ The room just got colder ♪

Hey.
♪ But with the chance ♪

♪ You've been given ♪

♪ Why are you not driven as hell ♪

♪ There's just no way around it ♪

♪ You got a plow through till you- ♪

Found it!

♪ Been reading it hard, I can tell ♪

[light music]

♪ 'Tis a gift to be simple ♪

♪ 'Tis a gift to be free ♪

[girls humming]

[audience laughing]

Bye Warner!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Say hi to your mom and dad for me!

And grandma Bootsie!

What is this, my second, my third.

And I don't know, but I am loving it!

[audience laughs]

Ah, define malum prohibitum.

Malum prohibitum.

Malum prohibitum is...

EMMETT: An act prohibited-

An act prohibited by law,

like jaywalking or
chewing gum in Singapore.

Therefore malum in se means?

Malum in se is an action

that's evil in itself.

Assault, murder, white
shoes after labor day.

[Emmett laughs]

Good.

Where ya going?

ELLE: Home, of course.

It's Thanksgiving break, remember?

Interesting.

ELLE: What?

♪ Well, I predict you will probably pass ♪

Yes!

♪ In the bottom percent of your class ♪

What?

♪ If you're going for
mediocre, you've done great ♪

That's not fair.

♪ Look, they laughed at me
like they're laughing at you ♪

♪ We can't win if we
don't follow through ♪

♪ Might I venture your
vacation plans can wait ♪

Why do you always have to be right!

[perky music]

♪ Gloria ♪

♪ In excelsis deo ♪

[audience laughs and applauds]

Bye Warner!

Merry Christmas!

Enjoy Vail!

Okay, now focus!

Elle, focus!

Now, the case of Russell versus Sullivan.

Determined that Russell was
legally the child's father,

even though he was just a sperm donor.

Ooh, gold star!

[both cheering]

Oh, oh.

Emmett.

This is my friend, Paulette.

Hi.

Hey there.

For you.

Not as good as going home
for Christmas, but...

You are too sweet.

It's a real time saver,
shampoo and conditioner in one.

[Elle screams]

Oh, hair care!

I love this guy.

Oh, well I'll just leave
you two alone then.

I'll see you later, Elle.

[audience laughs]

You are so adorable to think of me.

Hey.
Elle, hey,

WARNER: have you seen Vivienne?

I've been looking for everywhere.

Yeah.

I mean no.

Great, we're gonna miss our flight.

Um, Elle.

♪ I don't know if you've noticed before ♪

♪ But each time Warner
walks through the door ♪

♪ Your IQ goes down to 40 ♪

♪ Maybe less ♪

Huh?

♪ Though it's hardly my business to say ♪

♪ Could it be the real thing in your way ♪

♪ Is the very guy you're
trying to impress ♪

Yes.

♪ I've been smiling and
sweet and thoroughly beaten ♪

♪ Blowing my chance ♪

♪ Let's not chase him away ♪

♪ Let's face him and say ♪

♪ Hey punk, let's dance ♪

♪ This chip on my shoulder ♪

♪ Makes me smarter and bolder ♪

♪ No more whining or blaming ♪

♪ I am reclaiming my pride ♪

♪ Grab that book and let's do this ♪

♪ Instead of doodling
hearts all through this ♪

♪ Now there's a chip on my shoulder ♪

♪ Let's see him knock it aside ♪

♪ Daughter of Delta Nu ♪

♪ Show 'em that you're no fool ♪

♪ Daughter of Delta Nu ♪

♪ Go back to school with a
big chip on your shoulder ♪

Yeah, but Mr. Latimer wasn't stalking.

He was clearly within his
rights to ask for visitation.

Russell versus Sullivan.

No, but Russell was known to the mother.

Latimer was an anonymous donor.

Well, yeah, but without
Mr Latimer's sperm,

the child in question would not exist.

Now you're thinking like a lawyer.

Ha, that's the way to do it Warner!

Yes Ms. Woods?

Mr. Huntington makes an excellent point,

but did the defendant
keep a log of every sperm

emission made throughout his life?

[girls laughing]

Interesting, why do you ask?

Well, unless the defendant attempted

to contact every sexual encounter

to find if a child
resulted in those unions,

he has no parental claim
over this child whatsoever.

Why now?

Why this sperm-

I see your point.

And by Mr. Huntington's standard,

all masturbatory emissions
where the sperm was clearly not

seeking an egg could be
called reckless abandonment.

[audience laughs]

Ms. Woods, you just won your case.

[dramatic music]

♪ Oh my God ♪
♪ Wait, hold on ♪

♪ We just won the case ♪
[audience laughs]

♪ Elle got all up in Warner's face ♪

♪ I am starting to like this place ♪

♪ Oh my God ♪
Oh my God

So Ms. Woods, excellent work today.

I assume you're applying
for my internship.

Do you have a resume?

I'm one step ahead of you.

Here you go.

And thanks in advance
for your consideration.

[muffled screaming]

[audience laughs and applauds]

Dear God, it's scented.

You know, three months ago,
I would have recycled this.

Make sure to put it on file, huh.

♪ Guess she got a chip on her shoulder ♪

♪ Maybe some wise man told her ♪

♪ With the chance we've been given ♪

♪ We gotta be driven as hell ♪

♪ She was something to see there ♪

♪ I'm just happy I could be there ♪

♪ First big test and she aced it ♪

♪ She's so close she can taste it ♪

♪ She got a chip on her shoulder ♪

♪ Guess you never can tell ♪

♪ With little Miss Woods comma Elle ♪

♪ Elle Woods ♪

♪ Woods comma Elle ♪
♪ Chip on her shoulder ♪

♪ Elle Woods ♪

♪ Woods comma Elle ♪

♪ Chip on her shoulder ♪

♪ No you never can ♪
♪ Elle Woods ♪

♪ Tell ♪
♪ Woods comma Elle ♪

♪ With little Miss Woods comma Elle ♪

[audience cheering]

ELLE: Paulette, are you ready?

Oh, I don't know, Elle.

Dewey scares the crap out of me!

And that's okay.

Channel that fear.

Remember you are a
strong independent woman

and you must be reunited with your dog.

Anyone who bakes their dog a birthday cake

deserves nothing less.

Oh, and it's shaped like a bone!

[audience laughs]

ELLE: And that kind of
devotion cannot be ignored.

Well, it's not easy to find

dog friendly chocolate substitutes.

[door knocking]

Who in the...

Oh, crap!

Not you again.

Paulette, get your fat
ass off in my property.

Dewey, I wanna see my dog!

And I got a right!

And I'll bet you didn't even
know it's his birthday today.

Oh, oh, it's his birthday!

It's his birthday!

Well you can't see him, jelly gut.

Best decision I ever made
was throwing you out!

Oh!

Can you believe I lived
with that for 10 years?

And that cheapskate, he
never even got me a ring.

Elle, they lived together for 10 years.

Of course!

Emmett, you are a genius!

[door knocking]

[Dewey grunts]

[audience laughs]
Mister.

Mr. Dewey, we are Ms.
Buonufonte's legal team.

Lawyers?

I don't think you realize that the

great Commonwealth of
Massachusetts recognizes

your 10 year relationship
with Ms. Buonufonte

as a common law marriage,

and entitles her to

equitable division of property.

Huh?

Translation.

BOTH: We're taking the dog!

Oh! Oh!
[triumphant music]

[audience cheering]

Oh!

Oh boy!

Oh boy have I missed this face!

Oh!

Hey Elle,

Elle, this is the nicest thing

that anyone has ever
done for me, bar none.

[bell dings]
[audience applauds]

Wait.

♪ Was that law ♪

♪ Is this the point of law ♪

♪ I'm feeling kind of high ♪

You okay?
♪ This is why ♪

♪ We all study and slog ♪

♪ To help the underdog ♪

♪ I so identify ♪
Guys!

Callahan got a big murder trial

defending exercise queen Brooke Windham.

He needs extra help so he's
posting his internship today.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I need the best and the brightest.

Congrats to the choice few.

As for the rest of you,
welcome to the middle.

Emmett, I'm making you my
co-counsel on the Windham trial.

Prove yourself here

and the title of associate isn't far off.

Yes, sir!

We start Monday 9:00 AM sharp!

And make sure everyone
dresses appropriately.

Oh Emmett, that is so great!

I'm so proud of you!

Yeah, score!

Warner, we've got Callahan's internship!

What?

It's just like we planned!

Oh babe!

Oh, this is just the beginning!

Wait, it's perfect.

Make this the happiest day of my life.

[tense music]

Warner, it's absolutely stunning.

Marry me?

Yes.

[everyone congratulating]

[slow paced music]

♪ All of this time I planned ♪

♪ I'd be patient and ♪

♪ You would love me again ♪

♪ You'd come to respect my mind ♪

♪ And at last you'd find ♪

♪ You could love me again ♪

♪ And I have turned my
whole world upside down ♪

♪ Trying not to let you go ♪

♪ Watching you walk away ♪

♪ Is like a fatal blow ♪

What?

Whoa!

♪ Is that my name up on that list ♪

♪ Does someone know that I exist ♪

♪ Is this a mistake ♪

♪ Am I even awake ♪

♪ Pinch me now to make sure ♪

♪ Yes, that is my name
in black and white ♪

♪ Maybe I'm doing something right ♪

♪ Wow ♪

♪ I feel so much better ♪

♪ Than before ♪

♪ Warner ♪

♪ Sorry I've been a pest,
but I guess my best ♪

♪ Was not working with you ♪
Hey man, over here.

♪ But looks like I found a cure ♪

♪ And I so look forward ♪

♪ To working with you ♪

What?

Working with who?

♪ Hey remember when we
spent Spring Break ♪

♪ In the hot tub every night ♪

♪ Every night ♪

♪ We said nothing else
could ever feel so right ♪

♪ Well, this might ♪
♪ Snap ♪

♪ Seeing my name up on that list ♪

♪ On that list ♪

♪ That beats the first
time that we kissed ♪

♪ You thought I was dumb ♪

♪ But I think that somebody's
judgment was poor ♪

♪ Seeing my name in black and white ♪

♪ Is like making love with you all night ♪

♪ No wait, it feels so much better ♪

♪ Hello, much better ♪

♪ It's oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Much better ♪

♪ 'Cause I am so much better ♪

♪ Than before ♪

♪ Maybe she's what you prefer ♪

♪ But hey, last year I was her ♪

♪ Maybe you will change your mind ♪

♪ But you might look up to find ♪

♪ I've gone on to better things ♪

♪ Better jobs or bigger rings ♪

♪ I don't have the time to cry ♪

♪ I'm too busy loving my ♪

♪ Name up on that list ♪

♪ Kind of a cool ironic twist ♪

♪ Who else can I tell ♪

♪ Oh wait, where's my cell ♪

♪ Mom will fall on the floor ♪

♪ Hey mom ♪

♪ Look at my name in black and white ♪

♪ Your daughter's doing something right ♪

♪ And I feel so much better ♪

♪ I'll be there on Monday, nine o'clock ♪

♪ Then we will see who walks the walk ♪

♪ No, no, I can't wait ♪

♪ I will be there at eight ♪

♪ When they unlock the door ♪

♪ Oh, oh ♪

♪ I'll even dress in black and white ♪

♪ See, I have not begun to fight ♪

♪ And you'll go ♪

♪ Whoa, much better ♪

♪ Hello, much better ♪

♪ And soon all y'all
gonna know much better ♪

♪ That I am so much better ♪

♪ I am so much better ♪

♪ I am so much better ♪

♪ I am so much better ♪

♪ I am so much better ♪

♪ Than before ♪

[audience applauds]
♪ Yeah ♪

Hi, I'm Brooke Windham,
[upbeat music]

and welcome back to the Windham
Workout Disc Two Challenge

and our daily commitment to
being the best that we can be!

PEOPLE: Yeah!

So grab your Cardio Whip 5000,

'cause if you wanna get ripped,

you've gotta get whipped!

♪ Do you want an easy miracle ♪

♪ Do you wanna lose a pound or two ♪

♪ Then you can turn this off right now ♪

♪ My workouts not for you ♪

♪ I'm talking to the
woman who wants it all ♪

♪ Gotta pay for what you get ♪

♪ 'Cause size two clothes
don't come to those ♪

♪ Too lazy to sweat ♪

♪ I want you whipped into shape ♪

♪ When I say jump, say how high ♪

♪ You know you're doing it right ♪

♪ When you start to cry ♪

♪ If you don't look like you should ♪

♪ You've got to whip it,
whip it, whip it good ♪

♪ I'm sorry, ladies ♪
♪ No escape ♪

♪ 'Til you're whipped into shape ♪

Come on, Sabrina, you heifer!

Work it out!
♪ Whipped into shape ♪

I hate you, Brooke,

and I love you for it!

♪ Whipped into... ♪

Hey, why'd you pause it?

We have a lot to cover.

♪ Meet our brand new client, Brooke ♪

♪ You can laugh, but she's made tons ♪

♪ Off her DVDs and book ♪

♪ "Whip Your Way to Tighter Buns" ♪

♪ Happily married, so she swears ♪

♪ To her 60 year old stud ♪

♪ Till step-daughter came downstairs ♪

♪ And found Brooke all
covered in his blood ♪

♪ If Brooke took a plea ♪

♪ I'd have her out in three to four ♪

♪ But she claims she did not kill him ♪

Did she?

♪ Let's watch some more ♪

[upbeat music]

♪ Well, it's more than just a workout ♪

♪ It's a defensive weapon too ♪

♪ Simply wrap it 'round
your assailant's neck ♪

♪ And pull till he turns blue ♪

♪ You can also use the
patented handle grip to ♪

♪ Shatter your attackers spine ♪

♪ And all for three small
payments of $19.99 ♪

♪ You'll get him whipped into shape ♪

♪ When you get grief from a guy ♪

♪ Just work him over with
this till he starts to cry ♪

♪ If he don't act like he should ♪

♪ You've got to whip it,
whip it, whip it good ♪

♪ It gets you out of any scrape ♪

♪ And gets you whipped into shape ♪

♪ Come on people ♪

♪ Whipped into shape ♪

♪ What does not kill us makes us hotter ♪

♪ Whip ♪

Now hands, who thinks she's guilty?

♪ Okay, now here is
where you kids come in ♪

♪ Brooke has trouble trusting me ♪

♪ I'm her only chance to win ♪

♪ But I don't speak MTV ♪

♪ Though Brooke won't
help her own defense ♪

♪ She may listen to her peers ♪

♪ Go and place a little sense ♪

♪ In the space between her ears ♪

I'm a Delta Nu-

Not now.

♪ I want her whipped into shape ♪

♪ If there's a brain in that hair ♪

♪ Tell it that I am the key ♪

♪ It's a plea or the chair ♪

♪ See, when talk to her I ♪

♪ Get neither plea, nor plan, nor alibi ♪

♪ To quote from our defendant's tape ♪

♪ I want her whipped into shape ♪

♪ To the jail ♪
[tense music]

[remote beeps]

[audience laughs]

Come on, ladies!

Just because we're at Boston
Women's Correctional Facility

does not mean we can't become
the best that we can be!

Here we go!

♪ Circle, circle, under,
over, through, around ♪

♪ Again ♪

♪ Good ♪

♪ Circle, circle, under
over, through around ♪

Alright ladies, we can't break out of here

but we sure can break a sweat!

♪ Left ♪

♪ Right ♪

♪ Good ♪

♪ Left ♪

♪ Right ♪

♪ Everybody ♪

♪ Left, right ♪

♪ Left, right ♪

♪ Left, right ♪

♪ Work it out ♪

♪ I want you whipped into shape ♪

♪ When I say jump say, "How high" ♪

♪ You know you're doin' it right ♪

♪ When you start to cry ♪

♪ If you don't look like you should ♪

♪ You've got to whip
it, whip, whip it good ♪

♪ Like prison ladies, no escape ♪

♪ Till you're whipped into shape ♪

♪ Whipped into shape ♪

♪ Swipe it, swipe it, swipe it through ♪

♪ Jack it up, double jump ♪

♪ Swipe it, swipe it, swipe it through ♪

♪ Jack it out, double jump ♪

♪ That's right ♪

♪ You've got it ♪

♪ Whip it, whip it, whip it ♪

♪ Get whipped into shape ♪

[audience applauds]

Mrs. Windham,

Mrs. Windham, you've got some visitors.

Mrs. Windham, I'm Emmett Forrest,

your co-counsel from Stidwell's,

Zukowski, Fox, and Callahan.

These four interns are the cream
of the crop at Harvard Law,

and we're here to whip
up your legal defense.

Incidentally, my mom is
a big fan of your DVDs.

Credits you with her Nutcracker butt.

Her words.

Any who, we'd love to discuss your case

and go over a few choices.

We wanna free you as soon as possible

so that you can bring your
message back to your fans.

Well good, that's all I want.

This ought to be easy.

Great.

Callahan briefed me on your meeting,

and there is a significant
amount of evidence against you.

To free you, the jury is going
to need to hear an alibi.

Not gonna happen.

Even though it could save you?

Yep, if you put me on that stand,

I'm gonna be forced to lie.

Okay, Miss Windham, if
we can't hear an alibi,

then you should accept a plea bargain.

And admit to something that I didn't do?

But with a plea bargain,

you'd get out in a couple of years.

That sounds reasonable, right?

Reasonable to do time
for my husband's killer.

Mm, not really.

Whoa, she's tough.

Yo sister.

Yo, not related!

You know what, I need a legal
team that knows I'm innocent.

Get out of here, all of you.

Guard!

♪ Who, who is the girl with
loyal friends and true ♪

♪ Who, who ♪
[fingers snap]

♪ Who, who has a bond as
strong as crazy glue ♪

♪ Who, who ♪
[fingers snap]

♪ Who can sound the call and
sisters all come through ♪

♪ Who, who ♪
[fingers snap]

♪ Delta Nu, Nu, Nu ♪

♪ Delta Nu, Nu, Nu ♪

♪ You are a Delta Nu ♪

♪ Delta Nu, Nu, Nu ♪

♪ Delta Nu, Nu, Nu ♪

♪ You are a Delta Nu ♪

[audience applauds]

Delta Nu's former UCLA
President, Elle Woods!

I knew I recognized your mugshot.

Shut up.

Oh yeah!

Your DVDs got me in shape to be

June in the girls of UCLA calendar.

That is so great!

Thank God somebody on
this legal team gets me.

Sisterhoods forever.

[audience laughs]

I believe you, Brooke.

And I will fight with everything

I have to clear your good name.

But that involves an alibi.

I can't tell it.

Everyone has their secrets.

For years I denied my highlights.

It's beyond highlights, Elle.

It's a disgrace.

My secret is nuclear, and if it gets out,

I could lose my fitness empire.

Which means everything to me.

If I tell you, will you Delta Nu

sister swear not to tell anybody?

I will double Delta new sister swear.

You're hardcore.

Okay, here it is.
[audience laughs]

On the day that my husband was killed,

I had...

What?

Lipo.
You're gonna have to speak-

Liposuction!

Minimally invasive outpatient lipo!

Butt lipo!

Windham, your time's up!

I had to do it, serious cottage cheese

was showing up on my ass.

ELLE: Your secret's safe with me.

My followers are depending on me,

I can not let them down.

You have to take care
of me, Elle, you swore!

EMMETT: Elle, there you are.

Where's Brooke?

The guard just took her back.

CALLAHAN: Great.

But, I got the alibi.

You're kidding?

So what is it?

I'm afraid I can't tell you.

Why not?

Because I double Delta
Nu sister swore not to.

Elle, this is not some
little sorority thing.

Oh, I know it's a big sorority thing.

But don't worry, Brooke really
had nothing to do with this.

Think about it.

Brooke's a fitness queen,

exercise gives you endorphins,

and endorphins make you happy.

Happy people just don't kill!

Emmett, a word.

Elle, are you serious?

If you don't give up the alibi,

we will all lose this case!

Well then I guess we're
not very good lawyers.

Elle, would you stop being a Marilyn?

Look, Pooh Bear, I-

Elle, [clears throat]
Callahan wants that alibi,

give it to him and you can
sail through law school

knowing that there's a big fat job offer

waiting for you when you get out!

But I gave Brooke my word.

So what, who cares?

Who cares?

Emmett, let me be very clear.

This is your chance.

I gave you simple instructions.

Lead this legal team and get me an alibi.

You're zero for two.

Everyone, field trips over!

Let's go back to work!

Except you two.

I'd rather not see ratty corduroy

or "Legally Blonde" again today.

Emmett, I'm sorry.

I don't need you to be sorry,

I need you to tell me the alibi.

Well, I can't because
I gave Brooke my word.

Having an alibi is not the
only way to win this case.

No, but it sure would help!

Work with me!

We can free Brooke the right way.

The noble way.

This is not a Lifetime
Original movie, Elle.

I'm not interested in nobility right now,

I'm more interested in
saving Brooke's life!

No, you're not.

You're more interested
in impressing Callahan.

Well, he is my boss,

if I impress him, he's
gonna make me associate!

By jeopardizing your client's
trust and our integrity!

[Emmett scoffs]

Well when you put it that way...

Exactly, you butt head.

My word means something
and I know yours does too.

No, one's called me butt
head since the third grade.

Maybe not to your face.

[both laugh]

Come on, let's get outta here.

[perky music]

EMMETT: Why do you
always have to be right?

I don't have to be.

When I'm with you I just am.

You wanna impress Callahan?

I can help.

Okay, how?

Listen, I love your scruffy vibe,

but casual Friday is so not
in Callahan's vocabulary.

You gotta look the part
if you wanna get ahead.

Elle, didn't your mother ever teach you

about not judging a book by its cover?

She did, but I also know that books

with tattered covers stay on the shelf.

Well thanks a lot.

This isn't a perfect world.

You think I haven't been
judged my whole life?

You think it wasn't a good
idea to make Navy my new pink?

No, that was a good idea.

I know.

Where are we going, exactly?

You trust me, don't you?

Of course.

Then don't stop now.

[magical music]

What is this place?

It's called a department store.

It's,

it's beautiful.

[audience laughs]

♪ First, a deep breath ♪

[Elle inhales]

♪ Take it all in ♪

♪ Feel all those halogens
warming your skin ♪

♪ Smell how they pump in pure oxygen ♪

♪ See they care ♪

Love.

Excuse me?

Love, the new fragrance from Chanel.

Oh!

No, thank you.

♪ I know you scared ♪

♪ Nevertheless ♪

♪ Think of the people
you want to impress ♪

♪ Swallow your pride for me ♪

♪ Just nod yes and prepare ♪

♪ 'Cause something's in the air ♪

I think it's Love.

Exactly.

♪ Here you'll become what
you're supposed to be ♪

♪ You think you can't but you can ♪

♪ Think of the guy you want most to be ♪

♪ Here's your chance to make it ♪

♪ So take it like a man ♪

[muffled speaking]
[gentle music]

♪ What does she want ♪

♪ Not really sure ♪

♪ Why can't we leave things
the way that they were ♪

♪ Why can I never say no to her ♪

♪ What's that smell ♪

Subtext, by Calvin Klein.

[audience laughs]

♪ That I don't like ♪

♪ That's kind of neat ♪

♪ Guys who wear that ♪

♪ Get beat up on my street ♪

♪ Still I've come this far ♪

♪ I can't retreat in my shell ♪

♪ I'm in the hands of Elle ♪

♪ What the hell ♪

♪ Here you'll become what
you're supposed to be ♪

♪ You think you can't but you can ♪

♪ Think of the guy you want most to be ♪

♪ Here's your chance to make it ♪

♪ So take it like a man ♪

♪ God, I love shopping for guys ♪

♪ Okay this is strange ♪

♪ Watching them change
right before my eyes ♪

♪ Don't watch me change ♪

♪ Look at him striking a pose ♪

♪ His confidence grows ♪

♪ He'll bloom like a rose ♪

♪ It's just clothes ♪

♪ God, I love shopping for men ♪

♪ Okay, this is nice ♪

♪ They walk in a two ♪

♪ They walk out a 10 ♪

♪ Is this the price ♪

♪ Don't worry, this is my treat ♪

♪ There's someone I'd like you to meet ♪

[audience cheering]

BOTH: Whoa.

I look like Warner.

Yeah.

[audience laughs]

But it's just me.

[slow gentle music]

♪ That's the best part ♪

♪ The outside is new ♪

♪ But now it reflects
what's already in you ♪

♪ Couldn't change that if I wanted to ♪

And I do not.

Thank you.

No, thank you.

♪ This is no gift ♪

♪ It's payment in kind ♪

♪ 'Cause you saw beyond
all the blonde to my mind ♪

Oh, we've got to buy this!

♪ What, are you blind ♪

♪ You look hot ♪

♪ Is he not hot ♪

♪ He's hot, hot, hot, hot ♪

♪ Here you'll become what
you're supposed to be ♪

♪ You think you can't but you can ♪

♪ Think of the guy you want most to be ♪

♪ Not quite the guy I'da chose to be ♪

♪ But when she's standing so close to me ♪

♪ I think I like her plan ♪

♪ Here's our chance to make it ♪

♪ A chance to make it ♪

♪ So take it like ♪

♪ So take it like ♪

♪ A man ♪
♪ A man ♪

♪ A man ♪
♪ A man ♪

♪ A man ♪
♪ A man ♪

♪ A man ♪

[audience applauds]

[upbeat funky music]
[audience cheering]

Now you're ready for your big trial!

Are you sure you don't want me to

paint little gavels on them for ya?

That's okay, Paulette.

That may be a bit too much.

All right, classy lawyer, pink it is.

Oh, when those jury people see your nails,

they'll know they can trust you!

Which is more than what my team is doing.

They are all over me to
give up Brookes alibi.

Including your friend, Emmett?

Well, he's on the team too.

In more ways than one.

Oh, I've seen the way he looks at you.

Paulette!

He's just my friend.

Oh, right.

Well, I could use a friend like that.

[upbeat music]
[audience cheering]

I've got a package,

for Miss Paulette Buonufonte.

[sexy music]

The name's Kyle.

This is my new route,

and the first stop of the day.

Kinda cool karma, huh?

[bell dings]

[audience laughs]

All righty, then.

[sexy music]

Do me a favor, have yourself a super day.

[audience cheering]

Oh!

Oh my...

The new UPS guy is like walking porn.

[audience laughs]

So talk to him already!

Oh yeah, yeah, right.

Oh honey!

I can't talk to guys like that.

I'm not like you, I've
got nothing to offer.

That is so not true.

[dramatic music]

Oh my God!

Did you see that!

She's got the most perfect
bend and snap I've ever seen!

GIRLS: You're a natural!

Hi Paulette!

I see dead people!

[audience laughing]

Oh no!

This is just my Greek chorus!

I am so psyched you
could see them too now!

But I haven't had any Jager!

[audience laughing]

When you're bend and
snap has that much snap,

it's been known to alter all
laws of physics and logic.

What are they talking?

Bend and snap?

The bend and snap!

That's good!

That's real good!

It's a move invented by UCLA cheerleaders

to break the will of the opposing team.

But it also has real world applications.

The bend and snap is 99.99% effective

on straight men!

Oh great!

'Cause I have such a good
track record with them!

Okay, okay, I see the problem here.

And it's not physical.

No, it's spiritual.

Paulette just needs a little spirit!

And Serena knows about spirit!

She is a UCLA cheer team leader!

[girls cheering]

You got it!

[Paulette crying]

Cheerleaders scare me!

Paulette.

Do you know why cheerleaders
always get the guy

and keep the guy?

Because you jump around
and show your panties?

[everyone laughs]

Yes.

And because we command
and demand attention.

For real.

You must become the cheerleader you fear.

Yeah.

You got the pom-poms,

it's time to shake 'em!

Ready!

Okay!

[upbeat music]
[audience cheering]

♪ Look at my ass ♪

♪ Look at my thighs ♪

♪ I'm catnip to the guys ♪

♪ They chase my tail ♪

♪ They drool and pant ♪

♪ Wanna touch this but they can't ♪

♪ No ♪

♪ All the boys wanna come and play ♪

♪ Snap my fingers and they obey ♪

♪ Why do they follow me 'round all day ♪

♪ Watch me while I walk away ♪

♪ I bend and snap ♪

♪ Feel how hot it's getting ♪

♪ Bend and snap ♪

♪ Then when you got 'em sweating ♪

♪ Spring the trap ♪

♪ They'll cheer and clap ♪

♪ No tight end can defend ♪

♪ Against the bend and snap ♪

Oh, that's easy for you to say!

And you!

♪ Girl, if you wanna make the team ♪

♪ Then fake some self-esteem ♪

♪ The more you jump around and scream ♪

♪ Then sexier you seem ♪
♪ Okay ♪

♪ Sorry girls, that ain't how I play ♪

♪ This wouldn't work if I tried all day ♪

♪ I gotta go get my asthma spray ♪

♪ Watch me while I walk away ♪

♪ No, wait, before you walk away ♪

♪ Just bend and snap ♪

Ow!

Look how good you're getting!

♪ Bend and snap ♪

♪ I'm bettin' right now you're sweating ♪

♪ Spring the trap ♪

♪ They cheer and clap ♪

♪ So depend on your friend ♪

♪ Called the bend ♪

♪ It's not the time to overthink ♪

♪ Just try it once,
he'll buy you a drink ♪

[dramatic music]

♪ Excuse me, would you teach me that ♪

♪ I'm tired of living alone with my cat ♪

Sure!

[dramatic music]

♪ Nowadays I do dye jobs and curls ♪

♪ But here's how we did
it in The Laker Girls ♪

[upbeat music]

Does a tic-tock fly?

Works every time!

Look, do it and we'll go away!

♪ Okay, okay, okay, okay ♪

♪ Bend ♪

♪ And snap ♪

MEN: Damn!

[audience laughing]

♪ Hey, wait a second ♪

♪ When I beckoned ♪

♪ Look how the guys came running ♪

♪ Like I'm ♪

♪ Kickin' ♪

♪ Finger ♪
♪ Lickin' ♪

♪ Like I'm freaking ♪

♪ Wicked stunning ♪

♪ Will you pay for stuff I buy ♪

♪ Yes ♪

♪ And bake me cake and pie ♪

♪ Yes ♪

♪ And hold me when I cry ♪

♪ Yes ♪

♪ And I will tell you why ♪

♪ Why ♪

♪ I'm too rockin' to lock away ♪

♪ All the boys come and gawk away ♪

♪ Dropping jaws from a block away ♪

♪ Watching how I walk away ♪

♪ Love to watch her walk away ♪

♪ I bend and snap ♪

♪ Now look how hot it's getting ♪

♪ Bend and snap ♪

♪ I bet right now you're sweating ♪

♪ Spring the trap, they cheer and clap ♪

♪ I depend on my friend ♪

♪ Go Paulette ♪

♪ Go Paulette ♪

♪ I depend on my friend ♪

♪ Go, go, go Paulette ♪

♪ I depend on my friend ♪

♪ Called the bend ♪

♪ And snap ♪

♪ Bend and snap ♪

♪ Watch me bend ♪

♪ And snap ♪

♪ With my new best friend ♪

♪ Bend and snap ♪

♪ I'm gonna snap with style ♪

♪ I'm gonna get me some ♪

♪ Kyle ♪

[audience applauding]
[drum rolling]

Paulette, did I leave my stylus?

Do it.

[Kyle screams]

Oh crap!

[audience applauds]
[tense music]

In day three of the Brooke
Windham murder trial,

DA Joyce Riley has been
grilling Nikos Argitakos,

Mrs. Windham's pool boy all morning.

The waters could get dicey.

Let's help the defense
packed their floaties.

Katie.

Which is why you should
clarify for the court,

exactly what your duties
were as the pool boy.

Cleaning the pool.

Whoa, total hottie alert!

My God, Emmett, is that you?

Elle took me shopping.

Emmett, you look sharp.

Chalk one up for Elle.

So Mr. Argitakos,

could you explain to the court

what exhibit A is?

ARGITAKOS: That was my uniform.

And was it Brooke's idea to
have you wear this uniform?

Yes.

And could you tell the court exactly

what your relationship
was to the defendant?

Brooke and I were lovers.

[dramatic music]

LAWYER: No further questions.

He was your lover?

No!

A Delta Nu would never
sleep with a man in a thong!

I just liked to watch
him clean the filters.

Unbelievable.

You're all making me look
like an ass up there!

Your honor, I request a 10 minute recess.

[gavel thuds]
[phone ringing]

Oh, oh I'm so sorry.

I'll take this outside.

I'm so sorry.

Why didn't I know about this disaster?

All right, it is a setback-

No, it's motive, Emmett.

Paulette, what's up?

Oh, hey Elle, I just had
to call and thank you!

The bend and snap worked!

I may have broken Kyle's nose,

but I got to spend four and a half hours

with him in the ambulance and at the ER,

and it was the most romantic time

I've ever had my entire life!

Paulette, that is so great.

I told you the bend
and snap is infallible,

unless the guy is gay or something.

I gotta go bye.

Oh, okay, bye.

[papers slap]

[dramatic music]

[audience laughs]

[papers slap]

[dramatic music]

Oh!

Watch this.

[dramatic music]

Did you see it?

See what?

Um, no, maybe you should
do it one more time.

[audience laughs]

Please!

[audience laughs]

Nikos couldn't have had
the affair with Brooke.

I just did the bend and snap
in front of him, and nothing.

Clearly he must be gay.

Nikos did leave a Cher CD
in the pool house once.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

You wanna out this guy on the stand?

Elle, that's crazy.

You can't build a legal
strategy on the bend and snap.

We needed a defense, not a dance move.

So you think he perjured
himself, but you can't prove it.

You know, if you're wrong,

we look desperate and homophobic.

VIVIENNE: But if she's right-

And I know I am.

There, right there!
[dramatic music]

♪ Look at that tan well-tended skin ♪

♪ Look at the killer shape he's in ♪

♪ Look at that slightly stubbly chin ♪

♪ Oh please, he's gay, totally gay ♪

♪ I'm not about to celebrate ♪

♪ Every trait could indicate ♪

♪ A totally straight expatriate ♪

♪ This guy's not gay, I say, not gay ♪

♪ That is the elephant in the room ♪

♪ Well, is it relevant to assume ♪

♪ That a man who wears perfume ♪

♪ Is automatically radically fey ♪

♪ Look at his coiffed and crispy locks ♪

♪ Look at his silk translucent socks ♪

♪ There's the eternal paradox ♪

♪ Look what we're seeing ♪

♪ What are we seeing ♪

♪ Is he gay ♪

♪ Or European ♪

[audience applauds]

WOMEN: Oh!

♪ Gay or European ♪

♪ It's hard to guarantee ♪

♪ Is he gay or European ♪

♪ Well, hey, don't look at me ♪

♪ You see, they bring
their boys up different ♪

♪ In those charming foreign ports ♪

♪ They play peculiar sports ♪

♪ In shiny shirts and tiny shorts ♪

♪ Gey or foreign fella ♪

♪ The answer could take weeks ♪

♪ They both say things like ciao bella ♪

♪ While they kiss you on both cheeks ♪

♪ Oh please, gay ♪

♪ Or European ♪

♪ So many shades of gray ♪

♪ Depending on the time of
day, the French go either way ♪

♪ Is he gay or European or ♪

♪ There, right there ♪

♪ Look at that condescending smirk ♪

♪ Seen it on every guy at work ♪

♪ That is a metro, hetero jerk ♪

♪ That guys' not gay ♪

♪ I say no way ♪

♪ That is the elephant in the room ♪

♪ Well is it relevant to presume ♪

♪ That a hottie in that costume ♪

♪ Is automatically, radically ♪

♪ Ironically, chronically ♪

♪ Certainly, flirtingly ♪

♪ Genetically, medically ♪

♪ Gay, officially gay ♪

♪ Swishily gay, gay, gay, gay ♪

♪ Damn it ♪

♪ Gay or European ♪

♪ So stylish and relaxed ♪

♪ Is he gay or European ♪

♪ I think his chest is waxed ♪

♪ But they bring their
boys up different there ♪

♪ It's culturally diverse ♪

♪ It's not a fashion curse ♪

♪ If he wears a kilt or bears a purse ♪

♪ Gay or just exotic ♪

♪ I still can't crack the code ♪

♪ Yeah, his accent is hypnotic ♪

♪ But his shoes are pointy-toed ♪

♪ Huh ♪

♪ Gay or European ♪

♪ So many shades of gray ♪

♪ But if he turns out straight ♪

♪ I'm free at eight on Saturday ♪

♪ Is he gay or European ♪

♪ Gay or European ♪

♪ Gey or Euro- ♪

Wait a minute!

Give me a chance to crack this guy.

I've an idea I'd like to try.

The floor is yours.

So Mr. Argitakos,

this alleged affair with Ms. Windham

has been going on for-

Two years.

And your first name again is?

Nikos.

And your boyfriend's name is?

Carlos.

[hand thuds]
[clears throat]

I sorry, I misunderstand,
you say boyfriend.

I thought you said best friend.

Carlos is my best friend.

You bastard!

[dramatic music]
[audience laughs]

You lying bastard!

That is it!

I don't cover for you no more!

Peoples, I have a big announcement!

♪ This man is gay and European ♪

♪ And neither is disgrace ♪
♪ Whoa ♪

♪ You gotta stop your bein'
a completely closet case ♪

♪ D'oh ♪

♪ It's me, not her, he's seein' ♪

♪ No matter what he say ♪

♪ I swear he never, ever, ever ♪

♪ Swing the other way ♪

♪ You are so gay, you big parfait ♪

♪ You flaming, one-man cabaret ♪

I'm straight!
You were not yesterday.

♪ So if I may ♪

♪ I'm proud to say ♪

♪ He's gay ♪

♪ And European ♪

♪ He's gay ♪

♪ And European ♪

♪ Please gay ♪
♪ And European and gay ♪

♪ Fine, okay, I'm gay ♪

♪ Hooray ♪

Oh baby, thank you!

[everyone cheering]

Hey, let's go!

Ciao baby!

♪ Fine, okay, we're gay ♪

[audience applauding]

To Emmett, for decisively
turning the case around

and for nailing the pool boy.

Emmett nailed the pool boy.

[everyone laughing]

Well, I have to share
this victory with Elle.

To Emmett,

and I can't believe I'm saying this.

To Elle.

EVERYONE: To Elle.

Okay, but since when did
a finely tuned gaydar

qualify as a legal victory?

Ah, but without that gaydar,

we wouldn't be celebrating with champagne.

We'd be dead in the water.

Elle Woods trusts her gut,

and has shown more legal
smarts than most of my staff.

She won this round,
making her a good lawyer,

and while we'd still love
to hear that alibi she got,

by keeping it, she's never
compromised the client's trust,

making her a great one.

Which is more than I
can say for you, Warner.

Be useful, go get me a coffee.

But we're drinking champagne.

Splenda and skim.

[audience laughs]

[audience applauds]

As for the rest of you, go
home, get a good night's sleep.

I need you all sharp tomorrow morning.

Miss Woods, could I have a word?

Of course.

I'll catch up with you in a second.

Thank you, Professor Callahan,

for what you said before,
it meant a lot to me.

Well, you deserved it.

Don't tell the other
law students I said so.

I have a scary reputation to uphold.

Oh!

Don't worry, your secret is safe with me.

Here.

But I, I really do appreciate

this opportunity to work with you.

I have learned so much.

No, what you've learned isn't the point.

You have instincts,

and instincts legal or
otherwise can't be taught.

Trust your instincts.

[face slaps]

I thought you were smarter than that.

Is this the only reason
he gave me the internship?

It's been nice working
with you, Miss Woods,

you can show yourself out.

[solemn music]

Well, hello, Marilyn.

It looks like you'll make partner now.

I mean, you really earned it.

Warner, shut up.

♪ Take back the books
and pack up the clothes ♪

♪ Clear out the room
and drop off the key ♪

♪ Leave with what's left of my dignity ♪

♪ Get in the car ♪

♪ And just go ♪

♪ Chalk it all up to experience ♪

♪ They said I'd fail, but I disagreed ♪

♪ Who could say then
where my path would lead ♪

♪ Well, now I know ♪

♪ Back to the sun ♪

♪ Back to the shore ♪

♪ Back to what I was before ♪

♪ Back where I'm known ♪

♪ Back in my own very small pond ♪

♪ Laugh with my friends ♪

♪ When I arrive ♪

♪ We'll drop the top and just drive ♪

♪ That's fine with me ♪

♪ Just let me be ♪

♪ Legally blonde ♪

[Elle sniffling]

There she is, intern of the year.

♪ Thanks for your help ♪

♪ And for all you've done ♪

♪ Thank you for treating me decently ♪

What's wrong?

♪ Maybe someday you can visit me ♪

♪ Give me a call, say hello ♪

♪ Wait, where are you going ♪

♪ Sorry, I'm letting down everyone ♪

♪ What brought on this ♪

♪ You did your best with a hopeless case ♪

♪ That's ludicrous ♪

♪ You were the best
thing about this place ♪

♪ Elle, you should know ♪

Callahan hit on me.

He what?

He kissed me, then he fired me,

and he made it very clear
I don't belong here.

He's wrong.

Hey, we'll fix it.

We'll fight it.

Emmett, please.

There's no reason for me to stay.

♪ What about love ♪

♪ I never mentioned love ♪

♪ The timings bad, I know ♪

♪ But perhaps if I'd made it more clear ♪

♪ That you belong right here ♪

♪ You wouldn't have to go ♪

♪ 'Cause you know that
I'm so much in love ♪

♪ To the sun ♪

♪ Back to the shore ♪

♪ Back to what I was before ♪

♪ Please, will you open the door ♪

♪ Lie on the beach ♪

♪ Dream within reach ♪

♪ Don't stray behind ♪

♪ We both know you're worth so much more ♪

♪ Some girls fight hard ♪

♪ Some face the trial ♪

♪ Some girls were just meant to smile ♪

♪ If you can hear ♪

♪ Can I just say ♪

♪ How much I want you to stay ♪

♪ It's not up to me ♪

♪ Just let me be ♪

♪ "Legally Blonde" ♪

♪ I need you to stay ♪

♪ It's not up to me ♪

♪ Just let me be ♪

♪ "Legally ♪

♪ "Blonde" ♪

[audience cheering]

[sexy music]
[audience cheering]

Come on Rufus!

Come on, Rufus!

Awe, good boy, good boy, good boy.

Rufus, sit!

Good dog.

Wow.

He really likes you.

And I like him.

Oh.

Well, hey, thanks for
walking Rufus for me.

Well it's the least I could do.

Consider this training a thank you

for staying by me at the hospital.

Oh, believe me.

The pleasure was all mine.

Well, I should get back to my route now.

Duty calls.

[sexy music]

Duty calls.

He's all that and he has a job.

Oh, come on Rufus!

It's time for your manicure.

Good boy.

Duty calls.

Paulette, I just came to say goodbye.

What?

Goodbye.

I'm going back home to California.

What?

California? Why?

Back to where I make sense.

Honey, you're not making any now.

What happened?

All of this time I thought
I was proving myself

and making a difference,

but it turns out I'm just

one big blonde joke and that's
all anybody's ever gonna see.

PAULETTE: Wait a second.
[dramatic music]

That's not what I see.

[audience applauding]

Vivienne?

We girls have to stick together.

And maybe Warner saw a blonde

who was sleeping her way to the top,

but all I see is a woman
who doesn't have to.

♪ I used to pray for the day you'd leave ♪

♪ Swore up and down you did not belong ♪

♪ But when I'm wrong,
then I say I'm wrong ♪

♪ And I was wrong about you ♪

♪ So listen up ♪

♪ I see no end to what you'll achieve ♪

♪ That's only if you don't turn and run ♪

♪ You proved it to me ♪

♪ Now show everyone what you can do ♪

♪ And you look great in dark blue ♪

♪ Get back in the game ♪

♪ Back on the case ♪

♪ Take a good look at my face ♪

♪ I'm not a fool ♪

♪ And, as a rule ♪

♪ I do not bond ♪

♪ But I see a star ♪

♪ You're my new muse ♪

♪ You've got the best frickin' shoes ♪

♪ And you lit a fuse
so go show 'em who's ♪

♪ "Legally Blonde" ♪

♪ Yes, you lit a fuse ♪

♪ So go show 'em who's ♪

♪ Legally- ♪

Sorry Vivienne, you keep it,

but I'm never wearing that again.

Elle!

Honey, you're in the supply closet!

ELLE: I know!
[dramatic music]

I said I'm never wearing that again!

I'm wearing this!

[fast paced music]

♪ Back in the game ♪
♪ Yes ♪

♪ Back to the trial ♪
♪ Yes ♪

♪ But I'm going back in my style ♪

♪ Back in her style ♪

♪ Girls, it's a fact ♪
♪ Yes ♪

♪ When you're attacked ♪
♪ Yes ♪

♪ Got to respond ♪

♪ Got to, got to, got to ♪

♪ Got to respond ♪

♪ Hand me my dog ♪
♪ Dog ♪

♪ Hand me my bag ♪
♪ Bag ♪

♪ And that American flag ♪
♪ Proud to be American ♪

♪ 'Cause nobody screws ♪
♪ No ♪

♪ With somebody who's ♪
♪ Who ♪

♪ "Legally Blonde" ♪
♪ Get on your feet ♪

♪ 'Cause she's "Legally Blonde" ♪

♪ Take to the street 'cause
she's "Legally Blonde" ♪

♪ There's no retreat when
you're "Legally Blonde" ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

[girls cheering]

♪ Don't be afraid to be "Legally Blonde" ♪

♪ Join the parade 'cause she's ♪

♪ Honey, look, she's leading a parade ♪

Mom and dad?

Take a picture, ha!

Just one more please, 'cause
she's "Legally Blonde"

♪ Everyone say cheese ♪

♪ No, say "Legally Blonde" ♪

♪ "Legally Blonde" ♪

[upbeat music]

♪ 'Cause she's "Legally Blonde" ♪

♪ 'Cause she's "Legally Blonde" ♪

♪ Yeah, she's "Legally Blonde" ♪

GIRLS: Oh my God, Elle!

Oh, thanks Greek chorus,

but I don't need voices in my head today.

♪ Honey, it's us, the girls of Delta Nu ♪

♪ We came to see ♪

♪ Our President be ♪

♪ "Legally Blonde" ♪

♪ Then come with me 'cause
she's "Legally Blonde" ♪

♪ You got a right to be "Legally Blonde" ♪

♪ You gotta fight to be "Legally Blonde" ♪

[everyone laughing]

Paulette, what's going on?

Oh, well we're all just
cheering on our friend, Elle.

Go Elle!

I've got another package for you.

Oh thanks Kyle

B O'Boyle.

Hey, what does the B stand for?

Brendan.

[bell dings]

[Irish music]
[audience applauds]

♪ Hey ♪

[audience cheering]

[cast cheering]

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Ahh ♪

♪ Ahh ♪

♪ Back in the game ♪

♪ Back in the fray ♪

♪ Back the hell out of her way ♪
♪ Back in the game ♪

♪ Mister, you're fired ♪

What?

♪ Guess who I hired ♪

♪ Who ♪
♪ To represent me ♪

♪ You've gotta be ♪

♪ Yeah, you gotta be ♪

♪ Yeah, you gotta be, indubitably ♪

♪ "Legally Blonde" ♪

♪ "Legally Blonde" ♪

♪ "Legally Blonde" ♪

♪ "Legally Blonde" oh yeah ♪

[audience cheering]

I said, you're fired.

Oh my God, it's so "Apprentice"!

Yeah!
[audience laughing]

WOMAN: That show got canceled!

That's absurd, Elle's just a law student.

She can't represent you.

Actually, she can represent
Brooke, your honor.

Rule 3.03 of the Supreme Judicial Court

states that a law student, Miss Elle Woods

may represent a defendant
in criminal proceedings.

Only if she has a licensed
attorney for supervise,

and without me, she does not.

Yes, she does.

I'm licensed, your honor.

I'll gladly supervise.

Well like hell you will.

You work for me, remember?

No, I work for myself.

And I don't have to hit
on interns, Professor.

[audience applauds]

Enjoy prison, Ms. Windham.

Okay, bye.

I live on Queen.
[audience laughs]

Thank you, Emmett.

Did you actually think I
was gonna let you get away?

Miss Woods, any day now!

You may proceed!
[gavel thuds]

Call your first witness!

We call Ms. Chutney Windham to the stand.

[slow perky music]
[girls gasp]

GIRL: Oh my God.

GIRL: TTP.

Total tragic perm!

[audience laughs]

Miss Windham, what was your
relationship to the deceased?

He was my father.

Did you actually see
the murder take place?

No.

I was in the shower, but when I got out,

I saw Brooke standing
over my father's body

drenched in his blood.

Oh boy, we're screwed!

Don't listen to him,

Elle, you're fine.

Go ahead.

Miss Windham, on the day of the murder,

did you see anyone
suspicious hanging around?

Suspiciously hanging around my shower?

ELLE: No, before that.

[audience laughs]

I was out getting a perm.

But then you came home and took a shower?

Yes, I was in the shower!

How many times-

Your honor, I would like
to go to the bathroom.

Shouldn't you have gone
before the murder trial?

No, I mean, I would like us to all

go to the bathroom together.

Why do girls always do that?

I mean, I would like everyone

to return to the bathroom

where this alleged shower took place.

I'll allow it to Miss Woods.

♪ Road trip, road trip ♪

♪ Court reconvenes at
the scene of the crime ♪

♪ But I hope she's not wasting my time ♪

♪ Woo ♪

Enid, Paulette, can you do this for me?

Yeah, yeah, sure, sure.

Gonna do it.

♪ We're on the move to
the scene of the crime ♪

♪ Got stuff to prove at
the scene of the crime ♪

♪ Here we are at the crime scene ♪

♪ Scene of the crime ♪

♪ Watch where you walk ♪

♪ It's the scene of the crime ♪

♪ Don't smudge the chalk ♪

♪ It's the scene of the crime ♪

♪ Oh my God, we rock ♪

♪ It's the scene of the- ♪

Hush!

Would the court stenographer
please read that back?

♪ Oh my god, we rock ♪

♪ It's the scene of the crime ♪

Oh no, before that!

Oh, "Goodness yes, I was in the shower."

Thank you.

[audience laughing]

Now Miss Windham, you claim
on the day of the murder,

you were out getting a perm.

Was this your first perm?

No, I've permed my hair since junior high,

about three a year.

Interesting.

My associate has just
gotten a perm herself today.

Exhibit B, Miss Enid Hoopes.

[dramatic music]

[man whistles]

Thank you Miss Buonufonte.

[audience laughing]

Now, would exhibit B's perm
be similar to your own?

Duh!

And one more time,

you didn't see the murder

or hear the gunshot
because you were where?

EVERYONE: In the shower!

Thank you.

Miss Hoops, would you step
into the shower please?

[water running]

[dramatic music]

[everyone gasps]

Idiot, you can't get a
permit wet for 48 hours.

Exactly!

Water deactivates the perms
ammonium thioglycolate

and completely ruins it!

It's the cardinal rule
of perm maintenance.

Your perm is still intact

so you couldn't have showered that day.

Why would you lie about
being in the shower?

Why did you lie about
not hearing the gunshots?

Why would you-

Because I liked being older

than my Dad's new arm candy wife!

I didn't mean to hurt my father!

I didn't mean to shoot him!

I thought it was Brooke
coming through the door!

Omigod.

[dramatic music]
♪ Omigod ♪

♪ Omigod ♪

♪ Omigod ♪

♪ Oh my ♪

♪ Omigod ♪

♪ Omigod- ♪

♪ Hold on ♪

♪ Bad enough that I'm in a john ♪

♪ Take her into custody ♪

♪ You're free ♪

♪ And we apologize ♪

♪ Omigod ♪

♪ It's a dream come true ♪

♪ I just knew I could count on you ♪

♪ And no one had to know that I had ♪

♪ Liposuction on my thighs ♪

[audience laughs]

♪ We still love you ♪

♪ Omigod, omigod you guys ♪

♪ Elle's all that and a side of fries ♪

♪ She saw right through
Chutney's frizzy perm ♪

♪ And her fake alibis ♪

♪ Omigod you guys ♪

♪ Oh my ♪

[slow paced music]

I think someone needs to talk to you.

That's okay, I'm,

I'm gonna see you later.

Elle,
[gentle music]

to think I didn't take you seriously.

I was wrong.

Thank you, Warner

We do belong together,

but you showed me who we could be,

together again.

Oh Warner,

Vivienne dumped you, didn't she?

[audience laughs]

[solemn music]

♪ Though I dream of this day long ago ♪

♪ Now my answer is thank you, but no ♪

♪ Look, I've barely begun ♪

♪ I'm hardly through ♪

♪ I was living in ignorant bliss ♪

♪ Till I learned I could
be more than this ♪

♪ And you know, in a way
I owe it all to you ♪

♪ I thought losing your love ♪

♪ Was a blow I could never withstand ♪

♪ But look how far I have come ♪

♪ Without anyone holding my hand ♪

♪ I had to find my way ♪

♪ The day you broke my heart ♪

♪ You handed me the chance ♪

♪ To make a brand new start ♪

♪ You helped me find my way ♪

♪ There's still so much to learn ♪

♪ So many dreams to earn ♪

♪ But even if I crash and burn ♪

♪ 10 times a day ♪

♪ I think I'm here to stay ♪

♪ I'm gonna find my way ♪

William Shakespeare wrote,

"To thine own self, be true,

"and it must follow as the night the day.

"Thou canst not then be false to any man."

I believe this wise statement
best applies to a woman,

a blonde woman.

Over the past three years,

she taught me and showed us all

that being true to yourself,
never goes out of style.

Ladies and gentlemen, our valedictorian,

Elle Woods!

Ladies and gentlemen of the Class of-

♪ Here's the part where
she gives her big speech ♪

♪ We're so proud but
Elle's not one to preach ♪

♪ So she said we could play ♪

♪ Where are they now ♪

♪ Here we go ♪

♪ Enid practices family law ♪

♪ Vivienne's training
for the Peace Corps ♪

♪ Warner quit, said he
makes more modeling anyhow ♪

♪ Callahan ran for Governor ♪

♪ But was defeated, of course ♪

♪ And his wife hired Emmett ♪

♪ To handle their messy divorce ♪

♪ And me ♪

♪ I think I'll find my way ♪

♪ And hey, I married Kyle ♪

♪ And now we have two kids ♪

♪ And one more on the way ♪

♪ And we live out in Worcester ♪

♪ I bought a new salon ♪

♪ We also feature dog grooming ♪

♪ Here, take a couple of cards ♪

♪ Oops, sorry back to Elle ♪

♪ I thank you one and all ♪

♪ The ones who thought I'd fall ♪

♪ Who taught me how to fail ♪

♪ Who helped me to prevail ♪
[upbeat music]

♪ I'm standing here today ♪

♪ 'Cause you helped me find my way ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ And if you could give me ♪

♪ One second before we all go ♪

♪ Emmett Forrest, please
make me the happiest ♪

♪ Woman I know ♪
♪ Oh my, oh my ♪

♪ Oh my God ♪

♪ My God ♪
♪ Oh my God, omigod, you guys ♪

♪ Granted, not a complete surprise ♪

♪ But if there ever was a perfect couple ♪

♪ This one qualifies ♪

♪ And now I found my love ♪

♪ My God ♪

♪ I found my way to love ♪

♪ You guys ♪

♪ I finally found my prize ♪

♪ If there ever was a perfect couple ♪

♪ This one qualifies ♪

♪ 'Cause we love you guys ♪

♪ No, we love you guys ♪

♪ Omigod ♪
♪ Omigod ♪

♪ Omigod ♪

♪ You guys ♪

♪ Omigod ♪

[audience cheering and applauding]

[upbeat music]

[dramatic music]

[slow gentle music]