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[doorbell rings]
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Hello! Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, isn't it?
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That's right, yes.
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Come on in. Excuse me not shaking hands,
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but I've just been putting a bit of lard on the cat's boil.
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Very nice.
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Well, you must be tired. It's a long drive from Coventry, isn't it?
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Yes, well we usually reckon on 5 1/2 hours,
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it took us 6 hours and 53 minutes with a 25 minute wait at Frampton Cottrell to stretch our legs
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Only we had to wait half an hour to get on the M5 near Droitwich.
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Really?
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Yes. Then there was a 3-mile queue just before Bridgewater on the A38.
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Normally we come around the B3339 just before Bridgewater, you see.
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Really?
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Yes, but this time we decide to risk it because they're always saying they're going to widen it there.
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Are they?
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Yes, well just there by the intersection where the A372 joins up, there's plenty of room to widen it there. There's only the grass verges.
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They could get another 6 feet, knock down that hospital.
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Then we took the Coast Road through Williton and got all the Taunton traffic on the A358 from Crowcombe and Stogumber.
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Well, you must be dying for a cup of tea.
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Well, wouldn't say no. Not if it's warm and wet.
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Come on in the lounge. I'm just about to serve afternoon tea.
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Very nice.
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Come on in, Mr. and Mrs. Johnson.
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This is Mr. and Mrs. Phillips.
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Good afternoon. Nice to meet you.
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It's their third year with us.
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We can't keep you away, can we?
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And over here is Mr. Hilter.
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[German accent] Good afternoon.
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Planning a little excursion, are we Mr. Hilter?
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Ja, ja we make a little -- [speaks German]
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Hike.
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Hiking.
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We make a little "hike" for Bideford.
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Oh, well you'll be wanting the A39, then...
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Oh, no, no, you've get the wrong map there.
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This is Stalingrad.
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You want the Ilfracombe and Barnstaple section.
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Ah! Hein-- Reginald, heh heh...
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You have the wrong map here, you silly old leg-before-wicket English person.
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Sorry mein Fuhrer, I did not --
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Mein...mein Dickie-old-chum.
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Lucky Mr. Johnson pointed that out, eh?
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You wouldn't have had much fun in Stalingrad, would you?
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I said, you wouldn't have had much fun in Stalingrad, would you?
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Not much fun in Stalingrad, no.
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I'm sorry I didn't introduce you. This is Ron.
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Ron Vibbentrop.
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Oh? Not VON Ribbentrop, eh?
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Nein! Nein nein nein!
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No, he different other chap. I in Somerset am being born.
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Von Ribbentrop is born in Gotterammerstrasse 46, Dusseldorf, West Eight.
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So they say! Ha ha!
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And this is the quiet one, Mr. Bimmler.
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Heimlich Bimmler.
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How do you do there squire. Also I am not Minehead lad, but I in Peterborough, Lincolnshire house was given birth to.
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But stay in Peterborough, Lincolnshire house all during war
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Owing to nasty running sores.
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I was unable to go in the streets, play football or go to Nuremberg.
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I am retired window cleaner.
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And pacifist. Without doing war crimes.
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Ah!
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I am very glad England win World Cup. Bobby Charlton, Martin Peters and eating lots of chips and fish
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and toad in holes and Dundee cake on Piccadilly line.
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Don't you know old chap,
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And was head of Gestapo for ten years.
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No! Five years!
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No, no, nein, was not head of Gestapo at all!
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I make joke.
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Mr. Bimmler, you do have us on!
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[phone ringing]
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Excuse me, I must just go and answer that.
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How long are you down here for, Mr. Hilter?
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Just the fortnight?
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Why do you ask that?! Are you a spy or something?!
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Get over there against the wall, Britisher pig, you're going to die!
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Take it easy, Dickie old chum.
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I'm sorry Mr. Johnson. He's a bit on edge.
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He hasn't slept since 1945.
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Shut your cake-hole, you Nazi.
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Cool it, Fuhrer cat.
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Oh, the fun we have.
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Haven't I seen him on the television?
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Nicht! Nein!
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No! No!
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Television doctor?
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No! No!
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Telephone, Mr. Hilter.
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It's that nice Mr. McGoering from the Bell and Compasses.
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He says he's found a place where you can hire bombers by the hour.
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If he opens his big mouth again, it's lampshade time!!
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Ha ha ha! Hire bombers by the hour.
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What a laugh he is, that Scottish person. Good old Norman.
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He's on the telephone the whole time, nowadays.
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In business, is he?
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Soon, baby.
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Of course it's his big day, Thursday.
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They've been planning it for months.
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What happens then?
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Oh, it's the North Minehead by-election.
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Mr. Hilter is standing as a National Bocialist candidate.
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He's get wonderful plans for Minehead.
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Like what?
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Well, for a start he wants to annex Poland.
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Oh, North Minehead's conservative, is it?
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Well, they get a lot of people at their rallies.
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Rallies?
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Well, their Bocialist meetings.
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Down at the Axis Cafe in Rosedale Road.
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[Shouting in German]
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[Music: "Deutschland Uber Alles"]
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[Shouting in German]
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[Only Bimmler clapping]
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I am not a racialist!
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But! Und this is a big "but",
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We in the National Bocialst Party believe [speaking German]
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[Only Bimmler clapping]
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[German]
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Mr. Hitler --
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HILter.
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He say that historically Taunton is a part of Minehead already.
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He's right, you know that?
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[German]
-
[Huge crowd cheering]
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[Recording of huge crowd cheering]
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[Crowd cheering on grammophone] Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil!
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[Interviewer, off-screen] What do you think of Mr. Hilter's policies?
-
Well, I don't like the sound of these here "boncentration bamps".
-
I gave him my baby to kiss...
-
and he bit it! On the head!
-
Well, I think he'd do a lot of good for the Stock Exchange.
-
No! No!
-
Oh yes, Britischer pals. He is wunderbar -- FUL!
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I think he's right about the coons .
-
But then I'm a bit mental.
-
I think he's got beautiful legs!
-
Well, speaking as the conservative candidate I just drone on and on and on and on,
-
never letting anyone else get a word in edgewise
-
until I start foaming at the mouth and falling over backwards.
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Has anyone anything else to say?
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No
-
No
-
No
-
No
-
Nooo!
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No
-
No
-
No
-
No
-
No
-
Bloody fairy.
-
No
-
No
-
Uhh, no.
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No
-
No
-
Nein. No.
-
No
-
No, no, no.
