Multiple Personality Disorder - Documentary

(Narrator)- In early times, evil
spirits were thought

to possess people and
make them act in strange

and frightening ways.

By the 18 hundreds, the study

of this hysteria led some doctors

to believe one person
could have separately

functioning personalities.

In this rare research film from the 1920s,

a woman has different personalities

who believe they are separate people.

One is a male who is not
comfortable in women's clothes.

Another is a small child.

The affliction has been
known by different names,

but recognized for centuries.

Today it is called multiple
personality disorder.

A college student has many personalities,

and one of them wants to kill her.

A 40-year-old policeman
has living within him,

a tortured child,

(Childs voice)-But that's can tell me.

(Narrator)-A wife and mother becomes a 5-year-old

who is just learning to write her name.

Why have they become tormented

and broken into different personalities?

What is the childhood pain

that lies buried in the
unknown depths of their minds?

How can they search
for the deadly memories

that hold the secrets of their past

and the promise of their healing?

(Male Narrator)- Twice a week, Gretchen walks across

town to see her therapist.

She can't afford a car

because what little money
she has goes for therapy.

Gretchen is divorced and has two children

who she hardly ever sees.

(Gretchen)- It just hit me that I'm 34

and that I should be, you know,

with my kids mothering my kids,

and I should already have a career,

and I should already be
somewhere doing something.

(M Narrator)- For most of her adult life,

Gretchen has had severe
psychiatric problems.

She's needed treatment for years,

but doctors never agreed about why.

(Therapist)- Okay. Okay. Good time to come out.

(Gretchen baby voice)- I didn't know and I was waiting.

(Therapist)- No, this is a good
time. This is a good time.

We were talking about anger.

(Gretchen bv)- I, I know. I don't like I

Don't.

(Narrator)-Two years ago, Gretchen was diagnosed

with multiple personality disorder.

She struggles to function every day

and is desperately trying
to understand what is wrong.

Gretchen's problems began
when she was a child.

(Gretchen lower voice)- I, I always felt different.

I didn't feel like I
was like e everyone else

or anyone else, and I thought I was

crazy, and I would hear
that in my head too.

We are so good at hiding ourselves

and appearing normal.

I don't want people to think I'm crazy.

I don't want to appear abnormal in any

way. You want to fit in

(Professor)- All of these categories would
be considered subordinate.

(Narrator)- Gretchen has returned to school

to finish her degree.

She's an honor student at a small

college in upstate New York.

(Professor)- Okay. Anything else? (Gretchen)-I wanna clarify. Um

I thought the subordinate was a higher,

more general and super
ordinate. I've got it backwards?

(Professor)- You got it backwards.
Super ordinate.

(Narrator)- Gretchen is also studying art

and has classes in painting and sculpture.

(Gretchen)- It's difficult for me in school. A lot.

Something occurs in the class

and we're instantly overwhelmed.

(Professor)- This little murky.
(Gretchen)- I need to find a safe place.

I need to run out of the room
and find a safe place to be.

(Narrator)- When Gretchen is in
distress, she switches

to a personality that
is emotionally stronger.

(Gretchen personality(Myself))- You know, if Gretchen's
having a hard day,

I, I come out and, and I go to class.

I take exams. I, I can, I study.

I, and a lot of that's easier for me

to do than it is for her.

I, I just seem to pick up concepts faster.

She gets so nervous and stuff.

(Narrator)- An aggressive personality
emerges when Gretchen must be

assertive and handle stressful situations.

The personality who goes by the name

of myself is often hostile
and critical of Gretchen.

(Myself)- She gets so overwhelmed,
she can't think clearly.

She becomes frightened.

She becomes depressed and non-functional.

She just doesn't function.

She, she will just sit and do
nothing. (Gretchen)-When others come out.

I, I don't always know what's happening.

What happens to me is I, I get pulled in.

I feel like I'm just shutting
down. I'm, I'm very far away.

I can't then I have no conscious awareness

of what's going on out here.

If you keep very still,

(Narrator)- When Gretchen switches
to another personality,

she's often unconscious while the other

personality is in control.

Sometimes she loses hours,
sometimes a whole day.

Gretchen communicates with
her other personalities

by writing back and forth in the journal.

(Gretchen)- My writing myself

(Narrator)- Each personality has a different handwriting.

(Gretchen)- I requested when we
started this, that, please,

when someone is out, will
they please write the date,

the day and the time, and where they were,

who they might have seen?

If they would please gimme an
idea of where the body's been.

'cause it was hard for me not to know

where this body's been, to come out

and to find myself in a place

or realize that half a day
has been, half a day has gone.

Did we go to class? Did we

meet who we were supposed to meet?

(Narrator)- Gretchen is troubled
by disturbing images

and having feelings of
uncontrollable panic.

As Gretchen studied one
night in the library,

someone nearby began
to clean with a vacuum.

The sound caused her to
panic, and she started to run.

We tried to help. (man whispers)-It's alright

Gretchen experiences panic
attacks that are triggered

by certain sites and sounds.

The attacks can happen
any place at any time.

(Gretchen)-Alright, what are we gonna do?

(Man)- What do you need to do?

(Gretchen)- g, g, can I go somewhere safe?

Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.

(Narrator)- Gretchen is mutilated by a personality

that feels she should
be hurt and punished.

The mutilation,
takes the form of cutting

and happens outside of
Gretchen's knowledge or control.

(Gretchen)- She cut pretty seriously and, and,

and left It, left it in the book for me.

I mean, I was, when I came out, I was,

I was a mess.

I was covered, and the book
was covered with the blood.

(Narrator)- One night, Gretchen was
working in the art studio at

school when a destructive
personality took control.

She found herself with cuts on her arm

and blood on her clothes.

Gretchen returned to school
to see what had happened.

(Narrator)-What happened here,

Gretchen?

(Gretchen)- Oh, we got cut last I remember.

It was 10:30 or 11 o'clock at night,

and I don't remember anymore.

I didn't know that. We'd been
cut till the next afternoon.

I need to clean this up.

(Narrator)- Okay.

(Narrator)- The mutilation has
been happening for years.

Hundreds of cuts have been
inflicted on Gretchen's arm

and on other parts of her body,

but this cutting is
more serious than most.

Her life is becoming
unmanageable and dangerous.

(Gretchen)- I need to know what happened to me

so that I can deal with it and,

and heal from it.

I can't heal from something.

I don't know what it's about.

I need, I need

to understand it as best I can so

that I can go on with my life.

(Narrator)- Gretchen traveled 2000 miles

to get specialized treatment
at a psychiatric hospital in

Texas, which has a specialty
in treating multiple

personality disorder.

(Therapist)-- There's one thing to get a memory.

(Narrator)- Hospital therapy focuses
on recovering repressed

memories like Gretchen.

Everyone here is
struggling to come to terms

with the truth about their past.

(Therapist)- Being able to accept what you,

you're getting your memories
may mean that you also have

to accept something about
someone you don't want to.

What's the most painful thing about it?

(Patient)- Believing that that really happened

(Therapist)- To you,
(Patient)- To this body.

(Gretchen)- I know I could hear the
screaming in my head to run,

but there wasn't anywhere to run.

I was in a, in a corner.

I, I think, except that I don't,

I can see

my body as a child, as it was. As

(Narrator)- Gretchen explained her
increasingly vivid flashbacks

to her therapist at the hospital.

Who is Kevin Hinkley.

(Kevin)- You've been asking
for a long time, years,

you've been asking inside to get memories,

to complete memories, to know
what's going on in there,

and now it's happening.

(Gretchen)- It, it feels real close.

I've come to the point where
I, I pretty much accept

that something happened to me

and that I was sexually abused.

When I try to think that um, of who it might,

might be, and I,

and I'm, I seem to get clo.

I'm getting closer and
closer to feeling like I may,

I may know who that might be or,

or may probably be.

That doesn't fit with what I know

that I experienced and
that I saw and that I hear,

and that I, it

everything fits, but it doesn't fit.

I ha I had a wonderful life.
I have lots of happy memories.

I have lots of wonderful
things in my childhood.

(Gretchen baby voice)-Her legs go up to a white shirt

(Narrator)- In therapy.

Personalities began to emerge.

Who had experienced abuse

that Gretchen herself didn't remember?

Kevin asked questions to try

and piece together what had happened.

(Kevin)- Is there a beard on
the chin? (Gretchen bv)-No. (Kevin)-A beard?

(Narrator)- A personality who was a
frightened child remembers the

approach of someone who hurt her.

(Gretchen BV)- I get real small, if I get
real, real small, nobody can

(Narrator)-The memories became increasingly vivid

and were experienced

as if the abuse were actually
happening past and present,

were indistinguishable.

(Kevin)- We're still in Texas. It's 1992.

You're safe. But I know
this is a real scary memory.

What are you seeing?

panting and groaning

(Gretchen BV)- Big, big hands. Big hands.

(Kevin)- Big hands. What's
happening with the big hands?

(Gretchen BV)- I don't. I want back in the wall. I want back in the wall. Back in the wall

(Narrator)- When the experience was too much to bear,
the child personality tried

to escape into the wall.

(Gretchen BV)- Big hands. (Kevin)- Uh huh. (Gretchen BV)- Big hands

(Narrator)- When alter personalities have memories

and relive abuse, Gretchen
herself gets closer

to remembering what happened to her.

Gretchen groans and yells

(Narrator)-Who's here?

(Myself)- It's myself. The best thing
about journal writing is we

just come popping out.

That's my writing. That's my writing.

See, I go on for pages.

That's Gretchen's writing.

(Narrator)- You used to hurt Gretchen.

(Myself)- I would do anything to
destroy anything she did

and to hurt her in any way I could.

And I used to be one of those
inside that beli belittled her

and called her names and swore
at her and, and hurt her.

I, I cut the shit out of her
and, and I'm very good at it.

I, I'm the one who severed the
artery and the four tendons.

(Narrator)- Why did you do that?
(Myself)- I wanted, I wanted

to kill her. I hate her.

(Narrator)- What did she do?
(Myself)- I stopped growing at 14

because that's when she
began becoming interested in,

in boys and dating and all of that.

And I hated it. I didn't
want any part of it.

So I, I quit.

I wasn't gonna be more than 14

'cause nobody was ever gonna touch me.

and whenever that would

happen with Gretchen, it would
hurt me and I would hate it.

I would hate her and I would hate her

for letting that happen.

So I cut her.

(Kevin)- We have to be able to
build Gretchen's self,

her sense of her own control, her ability

to resist the urges, to
switch, the urges, to cut,

the urges to have to mutilate.

(Narrator)- Gretchen's case was discussed
in a hospital staff meeting

where therapists and psychiatrists consult

and make therapeutic decisions.

(Female Dr.)- I think she's experiencing
a lot of anxiety.

'cause her body, she says, why
is my head hitting the wall?

Why is somebody cutting my arm?

Is she aware of why all
of this is happening

to her physically?

(Kevin)- She's slowly coming to grips with that.

One of the things that I've
tried to have her understand is

that internally she has a,

a tremendous pressure that's going on.

There's a tremendous
conflict between those inside

that have carried the
memories for so long.

Who want, who want other people

to know what happened to them.

They no longer want to
carry these memories.

There's a tremendous pressure for them

to tell their stories about what occurred.

(Narrator)- Gretchen's memories were still blocked,

and the impasse was beginning

to affect the progress of her therapy.

Other personalities needed to be reached

so their memories could
bring her closer to a cure.

Gretchen was given a
drug called sodium amatol,

which acts like a truth serum.

The drug helps break through resistance

to remembering the past.

(Nurse)-Okay, how about that?

(Narrator)-She was restrained because some

personalities could be violent.

(Kevin)- The incident we were talking
about yesterday with Gretchen

as a child in the corner
and the legs coming in.

What do you know about that?

(Gretchen)- Yes, there's still there.

(Kevin)- Okay. Stay with the bathroom

for a moment then what happened?

They need everybody to stay
in the bathroom this time.

Let's finish this.

(Gretchen)- They, they moved in the bathroom

over to us.

(Kevin)- And then what?
(Gretchen)- Then there was a penis in her mouth.

(Kevin)- Yeah.
(Gretchen)- Yuck.

(Kevin)- Whose penis was it?
(Gretchen)- I don't know. Okay.

(Kevin)- Yeah. What do you see?

(Gretchen)- My jaw hurts. My mouth
hurts. I can't breathe.

I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't.

(Narrator)- Memories began to surface about oral

and vaginal abuse that had
occurred in a bathroom. So far,

these were the most specific

and detailed memories to come out.

(Kevin)- Start winding things, down.
(Narrator)- But then another personality

named Enigma appeared.

A dangerous personality at the core

of Gretchen's self-destruction.

(Kevin)- Enigma.

What hap what happens to you
if the puzzle gets solved?

Huh? Are you punished
in some way? She did.

(Enigma)- I'll kill her before you kill

her. I'll kill her before you kill her.

(Kevin)- Guess what? The good news
is, I'm not gonna kill her.

There's no punishment.

I'm not gonna hurt her,

and I have no intentions of killing her.

We're gonna keep her safe and
that's where I need your help.

((Enigma)-She belongs in the bed.
(Kevin)-No, she doesn't.

(Enigma)- She belongs in the bed.

(Kevin)- No, no. That's what the abuser
said, and it was not true.

Enigmas job is to kill the body.

Should these memories come out.

And you hear halfway through
the interview her saying,

I'll kill her before you do.

Makes me wonder if there was
some kind of threat that says,

if you ever talk, we'll kill you.

(Gretchen BV)- And this is kind of what I look like.

That's about how old I am.

That picture, she looks
pretty happy and on.

(Narrator)- Gretchen was exhausted after therapy.

So an untroubled child
personality emerged.

(Gretchen BV)- A picture I cut out.

(Narrator)- How old are you?

(Gretchen BV)- I'm eight. We haven't had a co Very good

couple of days.

Everything's been,
everyone's been up in arms.

(Narrator)- Yeah. What's been going on inside?

(Gretchen BV)- Well, I don't know all of the details,

but there's been a lot of people

that are upset and hurting inside

and hurting, hurting
stomachs and hurting throats.

And the worst part is hurting hearts.

Sometimes our hearts,
we have hurting hearts,

but I try to just help out.

Plus I get to have some fun myself.

If I'm out, I get to do something.

I don't always have to work.

(Narrator)- Gretchen was unaware of the memories

that had been revealed in therapy.

The next step was for her
to learn about the abuse

that had always been
too painful to remember.

(Kevin)- She doesn't understand
that it was small.

Do you understand that?

Mumbling

(Kevin)-still thinking negative as
as we walk through this.

(Gretchen)- What else? The others
(Kevin)- Pay attention to this,

but also be aware of what's
going on inside you. Okay?

(Gretchen)- Oh man. Don't ask too much of me Kevin.

(Kevin)-What are the others that also hurt?

One Gretchen doesn't understand
is why the body wasn't

able to fight more back then.

(Gretchen on bed)- In the bathroom

over to us,

(Narrator)- Kevin asked Gretchen to
watch videotape of the therapy

so she would know what her
other personalities had

remembered.

But when Gretchen began to
hear details of her abuse,

her mind began to block the experience.

This is how Gretchen protected
herself when she was a child.

(Video Recording)- And then what? Then
there was a penis in her

mouth. Oh,

- Okay.

Stay in the bathroom.

(Kevin)-Okay, stay connected Here.

What, what are you feeling right now?

(Enigma)- Get in me. I know, I know.

Get off my feet. Get off my face.

(Narrator)- Minutes later.
Confronted with the abuse,

the violent personality of
Enigma emerged in a rage.

(Enigma)- Do not touch his face.
Do not touch his face.

(Kevin)-Is that what happened during
the abuse? It is, isn't it?

Go ahead. Go ahead and kill
this body. Kill this body.

(Enigma)-Go ahead. Kill this body.
We shall always remain.

We shall always remain.

We shall always be an ugh.

We shall always be. We shall always be.

(Kevin)- You're not evil and you're not a demon.

You're not a demon. I don't know

what you were taught, but it's not true.

(Nurse)-Somebody out there to get the door.

(Kevin)-I had an idea that this might happen.

This is a real common
reaction when things have been

so far repressed down inside,

and then they see it on
videotape for the first time

or hear it for first time.

Suddenly it becomes very real.

And they, and they know
that things happen.

It makes it, the denial melts away.

And they're faced with the reality

of the trauma and the pain.

And it's, it can be a real
shock in an outpatient setting.

This may take place over
weeks and weeks and months.

In a hospital setting. We
have the ability to present it

to 'em right away where
the shock is greater,

but they get over it more quickly

and then understand what happened to em.

(Kevin)-What was going on at the
time that you disappeared,

what was the last thing you remember?

(Gretchen)- I was getting some threats and getting

(Narrator)- Later in the day,
Gretchen had recovered.

Kevin spoke with her

and reassured her that she would prevail

and succeed in her recovery.

(Kevin)- I hear you. And part of what
we're gonna hope to get to is

where you get to find out
that you don't have to leave

and you may be stronger by staying

because you are more powerful
than you think you are.

That be safe?

(Gretchen)- Okay.

Thank you.

(Gretchen)- I am fighting for my
life. I'm fighting for this.

The survival of this body and,

and more than just the
survival of this body.

I don't, I don't wanna just survive.

I have been just
surviving for a long time.

This isn't, this is no way to live.

I, I would like to
begin living and feeling

and

not just existing

(Speaker at Gradation)- On the recommendation of the faculty.

And by virtue of the authority
vested in me by the trustees

of the State University of New York.

I hereby confer on you
the degree of Bachelor

of Arts with all the rights

and privileges pertaining
there into. (Narrator)-After four months

of treatment in Texas,
Gretchen returned home

and finished college graduating
summa cum laude in the top

1% of her class.

She now feels she knows who her abuser is

and therapy is helping her heal

and gain control of her life.

Gretchen plans to continue
with her education.

(Narrator)- Who does the shooting?
(John)- I do. Scout Does. Doc does.

(Narrator)- Who are they?
(John)- They're various alters that I have.

(Narrator)- John is an expert marksman.

He was an army ranger and
sharpshooter at target practice.

His alter personalities
take turns shooting

John's personalities have
different styles of firing a gun

Scout shoots from one knee.

(Cameraman)- What is your function in the system with John?

(Scout)-My function?

(Cameraman)- Yeah.
(Scout)- I act as the

observer, the scout.

(CM)- How do you help John?

(Scout)- Excuse me.

(CM)-How do you work with John?
How do you help John?

(Scout)- I give him the information
he needs from time to time.

The information that he's
overlooked or has not noticed.

(Radio)- Ten four. Triple zero five.

(Female Narrator)- John shares his job as a police officer

with several personalities
who have different abilities.

He switches when different
police skills are needed

and is always aware of

what his other personalities are doing.

(CM)- When you're out here driving

around at driving, who does what?

(John)- Yeah, it just sort of
depends on the situation.

Normally I'm out quite a bit of the time.

Oh, come on. (CM)-What we doin?

(John)-Pickup truck over here

matches something we've been looking for,

possibly on a stolen auto.

(FN)- As John began pursuit, he
switched to a personality

who is good at driving
and high speed chases.

(Johns Personality)- He's weaving for it man.

(FN)- When the stop was made,
there was another switch

and John returned to confront
the driver of the truck.

(John)- Morning. You know how
fast you were going? No.

You don't have any idea. Does
your odometer work on here?

(Man in Truck)- Yeah. My gaslight's got burned.

9John)- Gaslight's got burnout.
I passed you at over 75 miles an hour.

(FN)- Among his fellow officers,

John has a good reputation.

Lieutenant Pritchard is
his commanding officer.

(Pritchard)- John knows what's
going on when, when he,

when he's out there in any
given situation, he's, he's able

to make decisions on his
feet in tough situations

and just think really fast.

(John)- This is while we were in St.

Louis at the training academy.

It's my rookie dog and
me the rookie handler.

We worked patrol together
for four and a half years.

Best partner I ever had.

Much better than any two footed
partner I ever worked with.

(FN)- John showed us his scrapbook of 13 years

as a police officer.

He's had many awards

and commendations, which
began early in his career.

(John)- In 1982, I was awarded
the Outstanding Officer

of the Year Award by the
jcs, which is an award

that's offered every year.

- Hi. Hi.

While he was showing us the
scrapbook, John switched

to a 10-year-old personality named Johnny.

Hi. John had trained his dog
to stay out of the living room,

but when he switched,
the dog entered sensing

that his master was no longer present.

- Okay. That's John. Who's John?

He's an adult and he's a policeman.

- The child personality

of Johnny recognizes
John in the photograph

and sees him as a separate person.

- Award. Award dead As the

- Johnny read the article
from the scrapbook

and like a 10-year-old had
trouble understanding the words

- In fours cement

officer of

1982 by the,

I don't know, Jake Keith.

- When John switched back,
the dog recognized him

and left the room as he had been trained.

I,

John has been divorced three
times and now lives alone.

He's had problems with depression

and unexplainable mood swings,

especially controlling his temper.

John used to have a drinking problem

but has been sober for years.

- Did you ever go back after him?

Was that okay or not? I tried.

Yeah.

- John's therapist is Julie Clark

who has been treating
him since his diagnosis.

- Push face first.

- Okay. Several years ago,
John began having flashbacks

of being abused as a child.

He began therapy and soon

after different personalities
began to appear,

John was hospitalized with a diagnosis

of post-traumatic stress and
multiple personality disorder.

Since then, personalities with memories

of abuse have come forward.

Like Edward, who remembers
being shoved down a staircase.

- How many years older was he?
- 10.

- That's a lot of years.
- Not anymore.

- Not anymore,
- Huh? No.

The abuse, his alter personalities
remember was never known

by John himself.

He has only vague memories of growing up.

- My memories of childhood
are real limited.

It's more like a framework

and I can tell you where
I went to to school

and maybe a little bit about
some of the later grades

along about seventh and eighth grade.

I can fill in some blanks.

- What John can remember is a stable home

and being well provided for.

He also remembers the voices
that have always existed

inside his mind.

- I've always been aware
that there were voices, okay.

That I spoke with and it spoke to me.

But I thought that was
subconscious or thoughts

or however you wanna put it.

I'm not real sure. It seemed
natural, seemed normal.

- Hans, the voices John heard were those

of his 20 personalities.

Many of them are frightened children

who appear only in therapy.

Five-year-old Hans was
tortured with electricity.

- How did he hurt you? Hans?
Electricity. Electricity.

- Yeah.
- Do you remember how he did that?

It's okay to say the words here.

With the box. With the box.

Electrical box or another kind of box.

The box. What'd he do with the box?

You only have to see it for a few minutes.

Let yourself see the pictures. I, I,

- I
- Like.

I know you don't like
it. And you know what?

It's not happening today. You're
here with me in the office.

- Hans cries of pain only
encouraged his abusers.

Then John would switch

to an emotionless personality named Eugene

who did not feel the pain.

- How was the electricity applied

- To the body?

- How and where?
- It was applied by

a hand cranked type
generator with wires attached

to various locations, depending upon

what was being used at the time

in general to the hands

and feet at times, to the stomach

at times, to the genital area.

- John was also sexually
abused by both male

and female perpetrators,
including a priest.

He created a personality
whose job it was to have sex.

- What else did he have you do

to lick it?

To lick it to,

did you have any feelings
when that happened?

- I didn't like it. Okay.

I smell bad. I didn't like that.

- Okay. And you don't have
to do that again either.

- Oh, over here. Okay.
- I don't know.

I just, I got curious. So I
called, I found it out right

behind that trash can right
there outside the door.

Okay. I went to throw something in it

and I seen it without thinking.

I picked it up. Okay. And
then I brought it in here

- Later.

In addition to street patrol,

John works on different
assignments like this,

search for a murder weapon.

He also investigates
many child abuse cases

and has been appointed to
a county task force setting

standards for their investigations.

- It's very obvious that my
perpetrators will never be

prosecuted at this stage in, in my life.

There is no physical evidence
that would link back to anyone

ever having done anything

to me at any given point
in time in my childhood.

There'd be no way to
prove it in court of law.

At least I'm making a
difference, even as small

as it is in the area that I'm in.

But there is a difference made

and maybe there's one perpetrator
out there that will go

to prison and he'll be
known or she'll be known.

And maybe that makes a
difference in, in some child

or some woman's wife.

So that's real important to us.

- On a Saturday morning in a
large northwestern city, Barb

and her family are shopping for groceries.

Okay? Barb and Pat have
been married for nine years

and have three daughters.

Today they're with Hannah, who is nine,

and Lori, who is six.

- This isn't what you want, huh?

- Pat is off work on weekends
from his warehouse job

and Barb manages their household.

- I know you like candy,

but that's not what we're buying today.

Okay, well you guys
get to pick two cereals

so you each get to pick one.

Stop. Let 'em up.

- As they come to the
breakfast food section,

the children's cereal
there appeals not only

to her daughters, but
to a child within Barb.

A 5-year-old personality named May.

- What would you like?
I gonna get that one,

but not if it's not a strawberry one. I

- Don't want, you don't
want a strawberry one?

No,

- I don't want one if it's not.

- Oh, it's gotta be strawberry now.

Well, let's find out.
Let's see what's stronger.

- When Barb switches to
the personality of May,

her eyesight changes.

This one. Barb's vision
needs to be corrected

by strong glasses, but may
can barely see through them.

- Oh, you don't wanna
wear Barb's glasses. Okay.

There you go. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Put 'em in the, no, just two of them.

Girls want Papa Bob that
eat too Cereal? No, no.

It was just too cereal.

- Oh, I like those ones. And

- Barb's daughters are familiar with me

and Pat who sees her often
treats her like the child.

She almost literally is her language.

And thoughts are those of a 5-year-old?

- I was thinking if we
wanted some cookies.

I think we have some cookies.

I think we have lots of cookies.

We have some chips and stuff too.

- Okay.
- Okay. Yeah, we're ready to go now.

Do you wanna go get Bob now?

- Well, everyone might me
something else. Like something.

- I think we, this is good for now.

Okay, we'll get you something
else next time. Okay,

here you go.

- Didn't wanna wear 'em. When Pat

and Barb were married,
Barb had been in therapy

for severe depression,

but no one suspected that
she had other personalities.

- Well, we were in bed one
night and she woke me up

'cause she wasn't sleeping.

She was sitting in bed and I sat up

and she, she asked me who I was.

I said, I'm Pat, I'm your husband.

And she said, I don't have a husband.

I'm only nine years old.
What are you doing in my bed?

- Barb knows almost nothing
about her other personalities.

Her mind protects her with
amnesia from knowing things

that would be traumatic or upsetting.

Barb is now 34 and has
virtually no memories

before the birth of her children.

What is your first memory?

- My first memory, clear memory.

Something that I really know is a memory.

I guess it would be when Pat

and I were driving in the
car, we were on our way

to a Lama class, which he
usually slipped through

and we were trying to come
up for a name for the baby.

And all of a sudden he said

something about his grandma Hannah.

And I said, that's the name.

That's the name I want to name the baby.

- How old were you?
- 23.

- Barb developed multiple
personality disorder

because she needed to cope
with the tremendous disparity

between the life

that her family expected her

to reflect to the outside world

and what was actually
going on in that household.

- Barb's therapist is Steven
Feldman was an acknowledged

expert in the treatment of
multiple personality disorder.

- Her father was a prominent,

successful dentist.

He was a professor at the university.

He had a flourishing private practice.

Her mother was a professional
and for all intents

and purposes, they were the model family.

- But Barb's family was
profoundly troubled.

Notes from a psychiatrist who
counseled Barb as a child,

suggest that her home life was chaotic

and that Barb's mother dealt
with the family's problems,

mainly by denying they existed.

Barb developed an ulcer

and when she was 13, had the first

of several abortions performed
during her teenage years.

- I think that she was tortured

for years and years and years.

I think that she was physically
abused, sexually abused,

psychologically abused.

Her father was a very
sadistic and horrible person.

- I've got something in my pocket

that belongs across my face. I keep

- It very - Barb's Amnesia
for her childhood enables her

to live free from the burden of her past.

But her abuse is not really forgotten.

Those memories exist in the minds

of her other personalities.

Personalities who lead different lives.

When an alter personality takes
control, Barb may disappear

for days at a time.

She finds herself far from home,

occasionally in other states.

And once in Canada.

When this happens, Barb,
A total loss of time.

- You want some people on it?

- I'm gonna do something
funny. No, no I can.

No, I can do it. Wait, I'm not

- Done.

- Barb's personalities are different ages.

Her daughter's games cause Barb, to switch

to a child personality who emerges

because she's most suited for play,

- It's on there.

Oh,

- Switching often happens in response

to changes in Barb's environment.

What's that? What's that?

Lori's used to her mother's,
other personalities.

But the switches are not so
easy for her husband. Pat.

- Make it have a foot shape on it.

- Don't do that May. It's not good

that to have that in your mouth

- Go away.

- I'm going to go away.
- May look okay.

- It's hard because
here I am, still wanting

to act toward her like
her husband, you know?

And I get pushed away

and you know, that gets real confusing

and real hard to do sometimes.

You know, I gotta sit back

and realize, well this isn't my wife.

I can't do this. I can't just come

up behind her and hug her.

'cause there are some altars

that don't want to be hugged and know.

Don't wanna be touched.

- Oh my gosh. Nevermind. A NKH.

- Often TA must care for
their three daughters

and manage the house alone.

The children have learned to
accept their mother's absences.

The times when Barb has
switched to another personality.

- You haven't touched
your burger yet, Lauren,

have you? Sorry, what did you do?

- Some of Barb's personalities
don't relate to the family.

One of them is a teenage girl named dj.

DJ is different than Barb in her posture,

voice and language.

It also smokes a habit. Barb dislikes.

DJ also has different
thoughts and feelings.

How do you feel about
Barb's children in terms

of whether they're your
children or not your children?

- They're not. I mean, I
care about 'em and stuff,

but they're not my kids.

They're barbs.

- DJ emerges when Barb needs to drive

because driving makes Barb nervous.

DJ is emotionally stronger

and has memories that Barb doesn't.

Memories of abuse.

- He was dentist, right?

And he'd drill on her
teeth, drill on other parts

of her body with his dentist drill,

beat the shit out her, you know,

kick her and shit like that.

- When Barb couldn't run from her father,

she escaped into her mind,
leaving another personality

to experience and contain the
worst memories of torture.

- Like
- Burned up,

- Burned kitty.

He burned up a kitty. Was it your kitty?

- It was my gray one.

- It was your gray one.

- The emotional pain that Barb experienced

as a child is isolated in the personality

of 7-year-old Audrey who
is locked in the past.

- Now close your eyes now you know

that I'm holding your hand
right here in this room, right?

And I wasn't there when
you all were really

little and Roger was there.

Was I? I wasn't there.

So if I'm holding your hand

then you have to be here
in my office with me,

don't you? Okay.

- Many of Barb's personalities
are involved in therapy,

but some are resistant and
difficult to deal with.

- I don't get a fucking thing to say.

- The last time when you were
breaking stuff, you said,

when you start hearing
all those things going on

inside, all that chaos going
on inside that it makes you do

that stuff to try and
quiet everything down.

- I don't want to talk about nothing.

- Why?
- 'cause I don't.

- Why As a small girl,
Barb was physically unable

to fend off the abuse and

because she knew that boys were stronger,

Barb created male
personalities who could fight?

Devin is a teenage boy.

- Why did you just fucking leave me alone?

- Barb's father was not her only abuser.

He frequented the local
bars where he made friends

that chaired his interests.

- My father would bring people home

that were also, you know, open-minded

and interested in having
sex with a young girl.

There were a lot of men that were,

and he would

have me have sex with them.

Sometimes he would ask me to
tell them that I was a virgin.

That seemed to heighten their interest

and he would get paid.

Let's see, this is more
her style of a tank top.

Okay, I guess is mine.

- Barb created a personality
which made it easier

to tolerate her abuse, a personality

with different feelings about her body.

- And what's your name? Carrie.

- When Carrie is out there
can be serious problems.

She feels no responsibility to the family

and has caused difficulties for

- Very different, there's
always been money missing.

You know, I've been, and
it's always a couple hundred

dollars at a time or I
had $600 disappear once.

And I mean, the only
thing, it was obvious to me

that she spent it, but at the
time we didn't know she was a

multiple and she had no explanation.

I mean, I had to believe her
when she said she didn't know

because it was just too
obvious from talking to her

that she really didn't
know what was going on.

Apparently the police
have already called Barb

and told her that they had
gotten reports from like 17

different businesses on return

checks and were concerned.

And I still don't know
what's going on with that.

I haven't talked to anyone myself about

it. Alright,

- Unknown to Barb or anyone.

Hello. Kerry has written
$1,500 worth of bad checks.

Money the family doesn't have.

Pat is trying to get
a loan from his credit

union to pay the debt.

- Headache. You have
a headache? I'm sorry.

Resting a while.

- I got another thing from a credit place

- From a collection agency.

- Yeah. - What check was that
for? I dunno. I didn't look.

Hmm? I know you had an
appointment today. I was there.

Nothing. Hey, so sweetie,
how are you? Fine.

And there's mother no muffin.
Hi Woodie. Where's my kisses?

- Where's my kisses? How it still today?

- Come on
- Here. Good now too.

And three girls that love now

- That evening we checked
back with the family.

Pat got the loan

and was able to make
good on the bad checks.

And in another room Barb had
switched to Carrie again.

So we were able to talk with
her about what had happened.

What happened to the money

- I spent it.

- What did you spend the money on?

- I bought clothes and perfume and jewelry

and I just had a good time.

Whatever I wanted to ate
wherever I wanted to eat.

- Yeah, yeah. Why?

- How would you feel if
you were in my position?

- I don't know. Tell me one
more time what your position is.

- I am stuck here. I don't have a life.

I am, I feel used.

I feel very used.

I'm only allowed out when
it's not something anyone else

wants to handle.

It's really not fair.

- Other personalities, antagonism
toward Barb take even more

serious forms.

- What we need to do is
to get, get another X-ray

and then put another splint on it.

But one that'll help,

help protect these fingers
from moving through here.

There's a little bit too much falling

- In a fitted anger.

Barb's male personality
has punched a concrete wall

and broken her hand in four places

and the violence against her
can be even more appalling.

- Okay. I don't know how it happens.

I just find burns on my face

and now

large blisters.

And it's so painful.

You know, burns really hurt

- Barb's.

Mutilations by other personalities
are acts of self-hatred

and self punishment for being abused.

Once after a drug overdose,

Barb's car was set on
fire from the inside.

Later Barb found herself
in intensive care,

breathing on a respirator.

She had barely escaped with her life.

We were with Barb and her
family when a dangerous time had

come again, all her personalities were

threatening to kill her.

So Barb decided to seek protection in a

psychiatric hospital.

- Just move over or you can
sit, ma'am, you can sit here.

- I think if I didn't have
children, it wouldn't be so bad.

Oh, okay. But for their
sake, I mean, I don't know

what they would, how they would deal

with it if anything else happened.

I don't know how they've
made it as far as they have

and come through

as well as they have.

- Barb's father is dead,

but he has left a legacy
of never ending pain.

His abuse has affected all their lives,

- Made me real angry
at him and at her mom.

But like I say, that's passed. He's gone.

You know, we, we gotta let all that go

and just work with what's left.

He destroyed her. We gotta
put her back together.

It's a terrible, terrible thing he did.

I just wish she was here
to, you know, to pay up.

- The people who have
allowed their stories

to be told have acted
with enormous courage

and concern for children
who continue to be abused.

Their wish is that from
the shattered experience

of their lives, the reality

and consequences of child
abuse will become better known

and better prevented multiple
personality disorders shows

the extraordinary capacity
of the mind to invent ways

of bearing the unbearable.

And these people also
show us that when allowed

to give up its secrets, the
human mind can heal itself.