-
Right
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I'm back from the parent-teacher meeting
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Get down here pronto
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Your mother after a parent-teacher meeting
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three hours I was at the place
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the hall was freezing
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and not a cup of tea in sight
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they need to limit it to three minutes maximum per day some of the other parents are talking the ears off
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the teachers so what do the teachers actually say about me your math teacher said that you're doing okay that's good
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okay ocean you should be top of that class more just I'm not that good at maths you're just not applying yourself
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I spoke to Mr O'Donovan and he says you're doing the bare minimum to get by I gotta be at Christmas well b or not
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he's got you figured out Mister you are coasting in there you have so much potential brains to burn you need to
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knuckle down laziness coasting coasting coasting my ocean could work for NASA I
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don't want you sitting beside Barry anymore we're sitting there I can see you there now tricking away now I spoke to Mrs Flynn your business teacher and
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she said you're working hard and you should be fine in the exams to be honest I don't think she knew who you were boom
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okay you just don't believe any of the nice stuff and all the mean stuff Mrs Gotham says you need to apply yourself
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more she has it in for me it doesn't have an interview she does have it in for me three times last week what did Mr Gary
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say I don't rate him as a teacher yeah Mom what's he saying he's not up to the top what did he say he's too late back
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mum I mean he's trying to be friends with all the students what did he say
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he said you're doing well Mr Doyle the vice principal now there is a man with a head for discipline he's a
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maniac what did my art teacher say oh I didn't go to her what why not the queue
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was at my alarm she just talks and talks what does my best subject I saw that new
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English teacher of yours Mrs O'Neill most of the fathers are very keen to speak to her although I didn't think she
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was dressed appropriately at all her guidance cancer says that based on your marks from her assessment that you
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should consider doing something with your hands like carpentry or weaving what I actually got the smell of alcohol
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offer Mr Rooney wanted to know if you'd like to join the chess club so I said you would what you'd like to join the
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debating Club no you joined the choir I said you would have more interested in Taekwondo and I said no oh
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I spoke to your music and Drama teacher what and it had to be said oh no no you
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should have been playing the role of Oliver in the school but you have a beautiful voice that Jeffrey fella
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doesn't have a note in his head and he's completely flat-footed help me in the kitchen I am up to my
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Cooking With Your Parents
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eyes oh do I have to yes you do have to use exact measurement ocean follow the
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recipe to the letter well how much should we add a handful of them what a heaped teaspoon a dog a scoop a pinch a
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low a dash they're not measurements what are you cooking fish I hate fish you eat
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it putting pizza in the oven is not cooking pot noodle is not cooking Dairy dunkers is not cooking cornflakes from
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the packet is not cooking now clean as you go Mom I'm hungry if you're hungry
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have something small there's no nourishment in that that's all to sustain you if you're hungry have an
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apple don't eat straight from the shopping bags Jesus Christ let's sit in the cupboard for a minute don't eat the
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ham straight from the package don't eat straight from the fridge put it on a plate those penguins are for Christmas
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it's July put them back in the freezer clean as you go chicken can be lethal
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you need to cook it until it's black all knives are sharp perfect with this side of the knife washing clean as you go a
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watched pot never boils it's boiled is it don't scratch my non-stick pan would you like to do the Sterling Ocean yeah
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I'm not five mom would you like to lick the spoon yeah I ain't going to leave yet to do that
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yourself okay yeah goodbye
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no you're you're doing it too slow wash you know no no no don't just do it yourself your father's
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cooking dinner tomorrow night where are you going with the microwave the boots of the car the only way I can get them
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to cook a decent meat would you like to try some of my wine oh yeah yeah no just a sip
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Going To Dinner With Your Parents
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okay there you go that's too much well I didn't I hadn't even tried it yet
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[Music] duck is very fatty chicken can be very tasteless Falafel can be very dry I can
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cook a lasagna myself I might have a look and see what other people have ordered but no Mom don't I I I'm just
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looking at what you've ordered there yes the carbonara is it okay that looks lovely yes that is very heavy
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for me now I I wouldn't I wouldn't want that that is a beautiful soul seller beautiful candle holder glassware
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sterling silver I'll bet yeah very hard to clean them I bet they can't put it in
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the dishwasher at Water please okay is there a Steelers party tap yeah
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it tastes the same can I please get the Bolognese there's a lot of onion in that isn't it
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that would run right through it how's school uh yeah it's it's good uh actually uh Mr
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O'Neill yeah yeah Mr O'Neill was saying yesterday that the shoulders
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yeah so uh Mr Neil was saying that the clap so what was Mr o'me saying there nothing
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God you have the word to throw to a dog God I think that's correct that's definitely Court it was a screw top
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model is yours hot enough there yeah mine's stone cold I might have mine reheated
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just steam coming off yeah okay excuse me what no I could have these reheated
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food this is lovely now it just needs a touch of salt
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oh shoot slow down pat enjoy it's not a race manners ocean chew your food don't
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woof your Goblin masticate [Music]
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well now that was a bit disappointing I would say for the price of it yeah I think I'll have to say something no more
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just saying something new there's your check everything okay yep great lovely thank you very much no problem now I
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have a voucher here
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the food is way far too soft I want all alarms set for 6 a.m six
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Holidays With Your Parents
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ocean we need to be at the airport at least two hours before the flagship at least three hours for five hours 16
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hours before the flight I'm not leaving anything to chance I want to be there
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and I want to be settled are we getting a taxi taxi yeah Bushy when that's
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millionaires don't go around telling people around holidays why not we might get burgled now unplug the TV disconnect
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the internet defrost the freezer cut the grass water the plants take in the garden furniture turn on the radio pull
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the blinds leave a light on upstairs why so people think somebody's home someone who never leaves a one room we need to
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empty the fridge before we go but don't let anything go to waste right each of the bit of bread that's left there we
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didn't finish those yogurts eat up Oz finish the gherk gherkins don't touch those crisps they're for guests leave a
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note for the Milkman last time we came back to 16 liters and still sitting out in the sun right the cheese it was mom
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can we visit the football stadium I don't we have a lot to get through ocean there are 17 churches on that street
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alone and they all have Fresco no no why can't I just stay home I'm old enough not after what your brother did two
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years ago the floors were destroyed the begonias never recovered all the toilets were blocked I found spaghetti in the
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porch I found your father's shoes halfway down the road I'm not Daniel okay they found family photos in the
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neighbor's Back Garden I'm only remembering this now is that everything yeah right God the stress I'm not
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looking forward to this holiday at all yeah oh neither am I or she oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] are you there what yeah
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Isolating With Your Parents
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Mom why are you calling me from upstairs I have I have I have what the Rona I have it what you call it I came out of
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the shower and I coughed so do not come near me now I'm going to be self-isolating in my room oh okay now
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you're gonna have to run the house until I'm in the clear pet okay are you able to do that yeah now are you capable of
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that well yes Mom I I are you sure now Mom I think I can manage well it's it's not an easy thing to do now it's a
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difficult thing to run a household okay I think I'll manage right right okay
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God the house will come down around us now you'll have to Hoover the downstairs
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dust will build up if you don't stay on top of it all right final dude where is it what the Hoover where is it sliced he
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doesn't even know where the Hoover is just tell me where it is it's under the stairs that's all you have to say now
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you need to get right in under the bowl there right here yeah I know Mom get the cloth right in there what are you
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scrubbing it properly then you're not showing me show me the show me the bowl there if you still see dirt there I'm
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hanging up which part do I put the powder in in the drawer yeah which part are you doing a pre-wash I don't know
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the left is for fabric softener okay do I put that in that's only for towels to see okay the rice is for a pre-wash and
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the middle bit is for detergent where do I put the washing powder I don't use powder we use capsules to put them
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directly in the drum right fine when you say that in the first place you just put it straight in the middle stop it joshing now that's a dishwasher tablet
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so you dust on top of the picture frames yes show me there now show me the top of the picture frame
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there now all right fine now they're Infinity I thought so filled
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up absolutely filthy there now did you clean the windows yeah but I can't get rid of the streaks what did you use I
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use the window cleaner but oh no this video ah Something's Happened
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to close what do you mean they're smaller now Jesus that's my good cards again what temperature did you put them
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on as for 80 degrees 80 degrees how did you get it to go that high in the first place now that you've polished the
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Lampshades I need Mother of God can I not get a minute's piece I haven't sat down all day I am up to hideo because
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you'd want the patience of a saint now have you coughed since this morning no I haven't do you have a temperature no a
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tightness of the chest difficulty breathing no any loss of smell or taste no are you feeling tired loss of energy
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no well then there is nothing wrong with your young lady so get out of that bed and get down here this instant oh you
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are so annoying okay he's he's he's easy I'm not rushing you're rushing now
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Learning To Drive With Your Parents
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there's no need to rush mom [Music]
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expect the unexpected handbrake again
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sorry that was nice you can't put your arms across me
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there is no need to shout no no no here's a learner try for now here's a learner driver now watch out for the
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learner driver he's like yourself and he's panicking he's panicky he's very panicky keeps under the speed limit Mom
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I'm I'm going 15. are you 15. when you're going into a
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roundabouting you have to be very very careful now now ocean what are you doing oh God those cars all over the place now
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watch off left left left right left right left right and left oh
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God almighty we're still alive you don't need fifth gear that's for race car drivers I'm just
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third gear is all you need one two and three keep it simple it will
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try the three-point turn here okay you need to bring the car to a stop [Music]
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touching it you're airing the ass out of the car oh
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[ __ ] oh God this is a dodgy area no do the central locking camera Watch the daffodence watch the Duffy you're going
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into the daffodils there now this game arrangement such a friend such
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a friend from school no Mom I'm not stopping he's learning
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how to drive [Music] don't mind him now just you're doing
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your own thing okay School easy [Music]
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Parents On The First Day Back To School
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[Music] you should have had everything ready to
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go last night not helping fix that taco mom it's too big for me it'll fit you
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next year you cannot wear them what are their shoes well they look like Runners to me geez it's the wish of that bag the
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price of that booklet the price of that uniform the price of that class trip voluntary contribution my eye what are
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you looking for a pen he doesn't even have a pen who do you
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have for history this year Mr Flanagan oh Jesus who bought these that nothing but sugar
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and I'm making a porridge what no please here check that no more can I send money
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for lunch I'll make you sandwiches there's nothing wrong with Jam sandwiches with lettuce
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and cheese sandwiches gherkins and Branston sauce sandwiches don't sit beside Barry this year why why you know
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why I said besides James Weiss didn't he get all Ace but he's a knob
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he he's boring that's not what you said now that coat
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isn't warm enough put that on what I'm not wearing that oh she no I'll drop you
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down well no psycho are you embarrassed of your mother yeah obviously helps
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right she gives a look to them come on let's go okay best of Lopez best look [Music]
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put that coat back on and the helmet
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Parents When You Get Dumped
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right what has you in such foul humor nothing you are moping about the place with a
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face on you like I don't know what you're fine right off of that there now and you had
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to tell me what's wrong there's nothing wrong okay Robert Flanagan
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a mother always knows when something's wrong yeah I got dumped what I got
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dumped [Music] don't what you mean don't don't buy my
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girlfriend a girlfriend you never told me you had a girlfriend yeah well I don't have one anymore do I
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well that's probably for the best given it's an exam year pet
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it's her loss girls like that are a diamond there are plenty more trout in
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the Shannon you're a catch ocean any girl would be lucky to have you I've always thought you look like a young
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Prince William at home you're making a worse just leave me alone
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were you probably weren't in love with her okay the only way to get over sadness is
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distraction so busy busy busy busy busy busy mom you should come down to the garden
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center with me and I will get you to pick out a plant for yourself oh wow that sounds horrific
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but that's all these kids cheers you don't understand she was perfect well I knew a girl from college
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bridamine her beautiful beautiful girl I tell you she had the boys like that but
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last I heard twice divorced a son that won't talk to her and on top of that she
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looks Dreadful now [Music] what if I never find anyone who's good
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again mark my words or Sheen in a few years time they would be knocking down my door queuing up outside beating them
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off with sticks have your pick of the bunch there are plenty of young ladies out there still yeah like who well Mrs
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O'Toole's daughter always had a soft spot for you she's my cousin third cousin we're a small island nation right
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now ocean there's no perfect time to talk about this but if you're going to be having
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girlfriends we need to be talking about being careful what
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you need to be careful oh no no no no no we're not talking
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about we're not talking about no down there young man sit back down there
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Parents When You Have Your Friends Over
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can Barry come over as long as he takes his shoes off last time you drag dog dirt all over the house yeah okay and
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clean up this place it's an absolute State it's like a bomb hitter the place is a tip it's like a pigsty cowshed
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Chicken Coop have we been burgled I'm sure Barry's house is clean we were living in our own filth here how's the mother grad right and the father Grand
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is he thinking a cut on the Hedge this weekend with us don't know well it's just eyes on my
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side there now so boom right I'm gone I'm gone God the smell of fish in here
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bye love put your shoes back up oh Shane's getting late now so you know I think Barry's parents will
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be wondering where he is it's getting quite late there now oh Barry you're still here we'll have to start charging your rent now Barry okay Barry we'll be
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having our dinner soon so uh okay I'll stay in here
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would you like to join us for dinner buddy suppose so right should I chicken Barry no do you like peas Barry no do
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you like potatoes Barry no do you like cabbage Berry no do you like fish fingers Barry no do you like carbohydrates Barry no what do you like
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Barry nuggets right I'll check the Deep Freeze will
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you see if there's any Magnums in there rush I'm going to bed now all right all
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right good night good night Barry good night
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better get out of my house for Christ's sake uh ocean it's five past eight oh
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Parents When You're Sick
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Mom I think I'm sick you're going to school right let's have a look at you here
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Jesus I know you're not going to school are you mad right I'll get the fix now
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rub this on your chest your back your cheeks your ears and the soles of your feet now the steam is good for you it's
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burning my face just another 25 more minutes pet what are you doing to the 7-0 it's
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useless unless it's flash Jesus just one more Spoonful no moon please it's disgusting cod liver oil is a cure apple
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cider vinegar is a cure gargling salted water is a cure-all cinnamon tumeric garlic ginger onion is
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a cure puke it's your stomach actually you're at me ocean are you warm enough yes I'll get
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another hot water no I already have three do you know what you're missing in school no because we don't want you falling
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behind love will you try some chicken soup no thanks I've made your favorite Balinese no more
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well you have to eat something love could ever wear his ice cream
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right yeah yeah where's ice ice cream okay if you're too sick for school you're too sick for computer games to watch
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television to be on the phone to listen to headphones you're never too sick to read a book oh [ __ ] you needn't be
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worried about school because I had your cousin go in there and get the homework for you so that's all sorted out mom
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are there any more Mars ice creams yes yes
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will you make it to the toilet in time love I leave the Basin just here okay yeah are you going to be sick
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are you going to be sick now because if you are going to be sick there's a base in there now okay all
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right so I'll leave it here now it's to your right [ __ ] off
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doomed up please it's disgusting cod liver oil
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wow
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it's like pure fish I hate fish
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Playing Computer Games With Your Parents
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ing it's a beautiful day outside what are you doing cooped up in here get on fire you are wasting the day the day is
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gone you are like a vampire in here Jesus are you afraid someone might see you are you under witness protection or
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something turn off that game station and go outside yeah I'm in the middle of a match you could play your football out
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in the fresh air it's not football it's MMA Museum of Modern Art to stay there I
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need someone to help me with hedge clippings in the garden five minutes okay you said five minutes an hour ago
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no it's just about to type I will tap you out God Almighty I'm exhausted I am five
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hours six hours 12 18 72 hours in that Garden got as well for some reason I sit
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in their backside playing computer yeah well no one's stopping you playing ah ABS you're allergic to have fun
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which way you hold it now which one am I Conor McGregor is that Conor McGregor is
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this yes I just press Start I'd find it hard to get a job with them now just please
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start how do I shoot there's no guns I thought it's like running around with a gun earlier it was a different game what
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did I do there it didn't do anything that's me am I the one on the right here no that's me how do I get out of this Carson cage am I right that one there
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like that's the referee where am I can't see anything gotcha oh gotcha again oh geez I kicked [ __ ] did I kick it you see
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all right Jesus I punched your phone fast oh I've been knocked out that was my character God should I win yeah Jesus
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the size of that belt how are you supposed to keep a pair of trousers up with that thing right how was it around
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Shopping With Your Parents
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the waist it won't stop it shut up people are looking like no one is looking warm
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this one's pretty cool there is no heat in there the wind will go right through it's like a plastic bag you'll freeze
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you'll catch your day he'll catch pneumonia it's wafer thing I tell you you won't look cool you look cold
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that was not funny I look ridiculous I'm gonna get bullied anyone who bullies it
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over a coach ocean is not your friend oh I look like a giant snot you do not it brings out your eyes what about this one
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mom is it on sale no then put it back this one's really warm does it have a hood no put it back oh this one's warm
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Anda has a hood is it machine washable no oh oh Shane how are you getting on in
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there I'm fine does it fit you all right just go away look come out and show me I'm not coming out all right will you
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come out and show your mother no Mom wait so I'm coming in did you not come in here oh sorry no there's nobody in
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here I I thought you were my son what's going on when I ask you to come out you come out a leather jacket ocean you're
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not James Dean Clark Gabe Steve McQueen Marlon Brandon Humphrey Bogart John Wayne Lionel Richie boom this is the one
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Barry has it's really cool Barry has a cool Crush because Barry's dad lives in Portugal don't repeat that
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it's polyester put us back 100 well it's itchy the itcher it is the higher the
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quality the moment you look like a tent oh there's a tear great we might get a
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discount right let's have a look at you no don't you look great no I'm after
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spending 135 Euro on your ocean you could give me a smile uh giant snow oh
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isn't that your friend Barry will he come here to me for a second pet
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Staycation With Your Parents
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yeah great news we're going on holidays Spain
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we can go no not Spain ocean there's a pandemic we're going on a staycation
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first but in in Ireland yes Ireland ocean now
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Maureen has given us the lender of a holiday home in Don Bowie oh no I don't really have there's not much internet up there so bring plenty of books oh no no
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please it's gonna be boring it's been nice there's nothing to do there is plenty to do for someone with a bit of
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imagination like what like walks beautiful scenery old churches and walks
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clearly said walks you can't even drink the water in dunbu we can't ah don't be ridiculous the water is fine you just
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need to run the tap for 20 to 15 minutes before house is freezing the heating doesn't work there is plenty of turf for
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that fire plenty of turf and the septic tank should be fixed by the time we get there I'm told oh no more now there is a
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key under the mat because many break-ins there it wouldn't be anything happening in don't Bowie at all
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pack your togs why because of the beach there's no beaches sharp rocks that
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gradually gets smaller towards the shore rip the foot off yeah I know the water is freezing I'm not getting in look at
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it's either stay here and Lounge about the house or come with me stay here I
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have spent many is a nice summer in Dumb Bowie as a little girl right and I loved
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it you also used to think Mansion oranges were a treat mom times change okay this might be the last holiday we
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spend as a family now
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tell Pat 's Erie down the road in Glendale Mick and we only Spanish when the wind is
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blowing West so pack your bags and stop complaining Hey Hey Barry Barry hey it's finally in the parking
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yes we are packing for our holidays tomorrow where you go we're going to do don't bore and don't porn don't Bowie
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don't Bowie yes oh yeah gray colorful yeah monkey very cool no it's a family
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holiday oh what time are we leaving
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Barry's mother has something else planned for them no
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but the house has to be cleaned from top to bottom for the last two days of the
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holidays yeah yeah no problem we'll leave it the same condition as we found it exactly a dump quick oh [ __ ]
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Studying With Your Parents
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mom can you do my French questions with me the oral is tomorrow tomorrow right let me get my glasses there so just read
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the question yeah just just read the questions what
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je m'appelle ocean Flanagan right [Music] there what we live in Dublin
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we are on the border see Dublin
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football is you haven't practiced in months sitting
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up there in the computer all the time who cares just the eye care I choose the money I paid for those lessons
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what sister you don't have a sister it's for the vocabulary move it's not good to tell lies ocean you can get cut out
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jumanj Doritos is your more coke say that don't think it does feed you save green beans and broccoli don't open
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the dictionary no it's there's no time I don't it doesn't matter what you're saying and Doritos my mayor a professor
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a montpair a engineer he's actually an engineer now he's more of a diagnostic
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consultant for ventilation systems I don't know those words okay and the exam is tomorrow why do you have to leave
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everything to the last minute the amount of money I spent sending you to France you've done dama you've done sweet
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diddly squash bugger all less than nothing my grand pair a Quattro vant we dance your grandfather is dead or she I
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know he's dead I have to show that I know numbers though Jesus
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if I could do the exam for yoshin it's your future it sounds like you don't even know what you're saying you've just
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learned off a set of phrases and you're regurgitating well I'm not actually trying to learn French I'm just trying to pass the exam
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Teaching Computers To Parents
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oh god I've broken it Goshen what have I done now nothing it's
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fine I have had it with this cursive machine let's sit down there now and show me how to use this what I have to
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do my homework I can only take a second what should you do there now I didn't do anything well you did you did something
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there there well I just moved the mouse across the screen there it is again it's the mouse double click double click okay
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[Music] you have to do it faster faster yeah
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okay let's let me do it let's take this
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I want you to show me how to do it I don't want you to do it for me you just type in your email address right okay
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nasty oh yeah n ope oh look I've got some email from a prince ragaba from Nigeria oh well I
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don't think that's actually a prince oh you're jealous huh no I'm he's just trying to rob you he's a prince he's
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stuck in an airport and he needs help now where's my credit card details
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it keeps offering me cookies I got an email from the bank of Europe asking me to reconfirm my credit card details
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I am an hour trying to get this bloody printer to work and it just refuses to
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do anything alternative now oh God what's this now it's just the terms and conditions the application may ask for your
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permission to access you don't have to read a moment it's just Gmail it says please read the terms and conditions
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before yeah but nobody 14 pages long you don't nobody boom oh
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I've clicked out of it what's this now history oh that could be interesting might be
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something on the Renaissance oh no you can't don't don't open up you can open the history folder it could it could
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break the computer [Music] I thought you said you couldn't break [Music]
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oh Jesus Christ so she what what's the stuff now doomed up
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Watching TV When Your Parents Walk In
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oh God turn this off now turn this off they use
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the remote pornography it's not it's a TV show where they could have fooled me I'm home if that's that show that the
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average people normal people I'm I've heard all about it on the radio to pray no it's not you always just come in at
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the worst part well I've heard the worst part goes on for four minutes and 42 seconds what Mary White timed it I'm
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always not about that I don't care what it's about anything that has to rely on that sort of Filth has nothing to offer
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like I've never even seen it I bet Barry's mother doesn't let him watch I think she does actually I very much
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doubt that if she does you're not watching it and that is fine fine would you not get yourself a nice book
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apparently there's a great novel by an Irish author it is Sally Rooney uh no
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thanks it's supposed to be brilliant oh hello Barry what have I told you
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about letting yourself in sorry the door was unlocked so does your mother know you watch the show yeah everybody's
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watching it you see everyone we are not watching us here in 23 crime for crevices fine okay come on Paris okay
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where are you going I didn't come down the last shower now you're going to watch it on your phone you know what
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else I can watch my phone if I wanted to actual pornography
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okay
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oh God and Mikey it's still on Jesus Christ and why anyone wants to watch this smush is beyond me
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is he wearing a necklace Connor for God's sake that is no way to treat you one that boy's mother has her head
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screwed on oh we do not just stay together God you're perfect for each other where's the dinner oh sorry hey you're watching us no I was looking for
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the Antiques Road you're on the last episode oh God I hope there's a second season what I'm an emotional
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are you wearing a necklace it's a chain what you doing I'm watching a movie move
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Watching TV With Your Parents
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over there good luck it's my spot oh I haven't sat down all day
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I was trying to watch a movie is it suitable is it suitable yeah it's suitable and
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Oscar right God it's very violent you've got that shocking nudity oh she turned that off
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what more makes a shampoo add what oh why do we have so many remote controls
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yeah this is for the television yeah this for the DVD player that's the satellite and that's the house phone
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there's no need to be smart you know I did repack them here now absolutely the flourishing flourishing behind the carpet cleaners in here the other week
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now they did a fierce good job absolute excellence
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[Music] is this the one now yeah yeah it's too loud no more that's a channel you change your
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channel the other one go back all right go back no go oh oh go oh what's this
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antique no no she's a beautiful race you run out there and make a scope of tea like a good lad that's too strong
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did you put any milk did you spell the pot that's too sweet put it in a proper Cup who's that Antonio Banderas
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I thought you said this was meant to be good oscari backside oh Jesus it's almost nine turn over to the news there
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what no more please will you go on to the news my living room my rules my
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house my rules my TV my rules shooting and Killing Jesus would you have a song
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or something oh God there's the rain there's the Rain Jesus give me a hand with clothes get
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out here Christmas is upon us so I want all hands
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When Parents Cook Christmas Dinner
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on deck you're fine there was too much for me to do last year so this year I am keeping it simple
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right I am just doing the turkey and ham the roast potatoes carrots cauliflower
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cheese parsnips Beef Wellington mashed potato potato cracker flat potatoes potato potato cheesy potato chips Auntie
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Rose is vegan now oh that woman has to be difficult oh and the O'Connor cousins only eat like spaghetti and pizza they
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will eat what is pot in front of them it won't fish it won't fit in the oven the turkey it's a monstrosity of thing
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it's like an ostrich why did you get such a big one there was so much left over last year well I don't want to get
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cut out well we were eating turkey leftovers in June turkey curry turkey soup turkey meatballs yes the turkey
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roulette we still have some left good man I need more room in the fridge will you finish off those eggs drink the rest
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of that milk polish off those gherkins finish off that mayonnaise this dinner will be the death of me why'd you go to
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so much effort if you find it so stressful well maybe you'd prefer some slices of toast and Nutella yeah a wood
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your wood my eye apparently you can cook the ham in Coca-Cola God that sounds disgusting no I'm doing
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mine Insider I need to get the Christmas cake done boom nobody ever eats the Christmas cake that is not the point it
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has to be done anyway I want you to extend the mahogany table oh well we actually get to eat in the dining room
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do we I know it is a beautiful table I want to show it off now covers look at that plastic tablecloth there what I
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don't want it getting wrecked or she will use the fancy noise in Forks yes but don't put them in the dishwasher
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well at least something has sunk in or shouldn't we need 18 bags of sultanas how many puddings are we making eight or
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nine hey why do we need so many puddings I like to keep a few around for emergencies
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break glass for pudding Brandy ocean will you get the Brandy out for me there
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ocean the Brandy thank you thank you specialize Jesus stop watching
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did we use that much last year come on can Barry come for Christmas dinner with us or she Christmas is a
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family time oh no more please please well I'm sure Barry wants to spend Christmas with his own family now would
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you like to come with us on a walk on Christmas Day Barry you can go on the walk and we'll stay here and mind the
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house God almighty this dinner will be the death of me well I know it's a lot of
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work move but neither it's all done you could just sit back you know and enjoy Christmas I haven't enjoyed Christmas since 1972 Washington now get the Brandy
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well we don't need many more puddings it's not for the puddings right ashin we're visiting breed of
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When Parents Drag You Places
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Meine can I just stay at home not on your own why do I have to come she's your friend or mine you're to be
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sociable what's the only thing you guys talking about is people who are dead we do know shouldn't I hear Mina Walsh died
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oh she did she did do you know who else died Phelan Corcoran he didn't but he
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wasn't wearing Sheila McKenna she's not you know what a sergeant Lincoln shouldn't look well oh just a matter of
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time yeah yeah yeah he didn't she did did you hear no oh well you're stuck go
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away sure this is it would you like a cup of tea or Sheen uh no thanks you have like a fizzy drink yes
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yeah actually I think I have some tonic water in the fridge oh Shane you must be very popular with the ladies I'd say of
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your pick of the bunch oh no there's to be no girlfriends until after the exams until he's 21 36 52. oh she's very good
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at maths oceans very music big into the drama Ocean's very good at the French is he now say it is a French first Arrow
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Shin come on to to Pal there uh [Music]
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oh brilliant I've got some prawns steaming in the kitchen grief I hate prawns you'll eat that I'm allergic and
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I'm eating oh boy it's polite all that meal is delicious we have to have you
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again some time on now absolutely right here we go oh [ __ ] okay safe home now I
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cannot stand that woman uh she's not that bad mom how much money did she give you
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When Parents Give You A Lift
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where's Barry he's coming it's 25 past eight ocean we said a quarter past yeah
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okay he said he'd be here it's been late every day this week he's not getting a lift to school next week I can tell you that all right fine I don't care and his
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mother is none too quick to return the offer Mighty what's that smell is that a clean shirt yes
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right Hey Barry nice but you almost took the door off
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the hinges okay now does everyone have the seat belt on you've moved one off five okay
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[Music]
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leave it and then polish Barry Mom can I go out on Friday night don't
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talk to me when I'm driving or Sheen I get distracted oh are the McDonald's getting the job done on the house they need to cut that
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grass that skirt is a far too short they've painted that house in awful those daffodils are still going God
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that's a dreadful gaze they've put in I forgot my lunch again yeah those salad sandwiches will go to waste can I get a
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10 for the canteen you can have a fiver a Fiverr is not enough it's enough when it's spent on proper food not on spicy
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wedges or Mr Slurpees what this man cannot drive a car no education I'm not
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letting him in I'm not letting him in now I'm not letting you in have none is a word to throw to a dog both of them
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there their heads glued in the phones [Music] let's go over the verb etra again not
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warm just sweet to a the cheek of him she's blocking the entire Lane I can't
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go forward there's a yellow box is that man waving at me at the back form he's giving you the finger
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well I feel very sorry for that man's wife change the radio station I'm listening to the news mommy listen to
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the news at breakfast it's the same news it doesn't change I'll put on my CD
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[Music] here we go I can put on the news here no
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I'll drop you to the door no no move here's fine [ __ ] you to the door
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no no put your seatbelt back down well don't slam the door Jesus Christ the
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When Parents Have Visitors
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visitors will be here in eight hours I need all hands on deck ocean will you go into the control room there and give it your sister's junk where's herself she
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should have to get rid of it I don't have time to argue with you okay I am up to my eyes I am flattered I'm fit to
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collapse I am up to high dough so just go and do it oh
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I've just cleaned the toilet so nobody go in there well the visitors aren't coming for like six hours where are we
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ready to go if you need to go go next door to the caverns I'm not going to the cabinets to take a dump or she need to
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pump the cushions yes or she needs your dust behind the TV yes you need to weed the garden yes watching to Jehovah under
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the couch nobody's gonna look under the couch mum why are we cleaning so much because I don't want to think that we
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live like animals this is how we live God on my chance did you clean your room No One's Gonna
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Be in my room mum but they'll close the door Jesus Christ they went in there they could get wheels disease don't eat
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them they're for guests or shouldn't go in there and fill up the mountain Brown will you good ladder knock those glasses
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the good glasses not that Cutlery the good Cuttery not those plates they're too good oh I'm after forgetting the
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effing cream but she really come in here yeah
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boss what what what you want you call me in I'm busy
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here now Jesus Christ you can't be annoying me now just call me oh God my mind is that damn Jesus they're early go
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in there and talk to them I don't know look I need to get ready all right I'll be down in an hour don't worry about it
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oh [ __ ] take the chicken out of the other medium yeah it's in there too long did it take it off about 10.
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[Music]
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get in there and see if we need more wine Mary wants to know if we have any tonic water
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cannot stand that one bye-bye never again
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When Parents Ruin Your Summer
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okay it's games off now no games
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I have more so weak and you haven't left that seat you are to be up out of the
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house and I want your occupied [Music] I will not hover a piece of last summer
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where you moped about the house doing sweet fa I have brochures worse the tennis club are doing a three-week camp
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in July no there's speech and drama in the community center orienteering in the Pine Forest a science camp arts and
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crafts Pottery tree shaping astronomy bug snorkeling nude still life Rock how did that get in there now that's the
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least two weeks left to fill in Moon Barry said that there's a really good thing intense like a mixed martial arts course oh no move I haven't told you but
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what about French College Lord knows you need the help yeah I'm meant to be on my holidays that's basically School you
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could volunteer in the local community there is a great sense of satisfactions
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how about I use this time to teach you how to play chess how to sew flower arranging cross stitching use the
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washing machine teach how to drive never again we could do a virtual online class
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together no I'm on my holidays I don't want to learn anything The Devil Makes work for Idle Hands stop referring to
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yourself in the third person mom well you could come help me in the garden what would I get if I did it gardening
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is its own reward for every four hours you do gardening you can have five minutes on the game what's a terrible deal you will need
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something to use up your free time well me and Barry were thinking about joining a band oh lovely and the father he used
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to play the bassoon in the rathfarnum concert no more a real band Lego guitars and drums not under my roof or you and
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Barry could go on bicycles along the canal and then maybe stop for a picnic I'm not trying to woo Barry in the 19th
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century mall right ocean I have tried everything so we're going to learn a tick tock dance together well no no no
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no I'll do I'll do the gardening I'll do the gardening
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outside in the fresh air yeah what are you doing exactly oh Sheen
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When Your Parents Get A New Phone
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what I need your help I got a new iPhone that's an Android what it's an Android it's not an iPhone
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I don't care what it is I can't get the thing working just turn it on I haven't finished
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reading the manual yet I haven't filled out the warranty yet this phone is to last me five years 10 years 15 75 years
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play your cards right I'll leave it for you in my will I just want the phone calls and the text messages okay so just
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the basics okay just WhatsApp to him no Jesus no I don't want any of that waste time of those applications but WhatsApp
-
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is text messages
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okay so what was your password on your last phone yes right yes I I've written it down
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somewhere here now yes um yes like it's gonna be again
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um password one one no no trying
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clean as you go odd caps no try my name no nothing I try my my maiden name there
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my maiden name uh yeah um uh washing my maiden name
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I just need to put in your Google password oh yeah I don't know what it is now put in your banking password
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Facebook passwords oh I can't remember Microsoft passwords
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no ocean I can't it's gone after me it's I've broken it
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[Music]
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oh Jesus I'm pressing this one here now what what's that why those two this volume well they're very close together
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yeah you just press this and you put in your PIN that's ridiculous absolutely ridiculous now it keeps going
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off on me now why does it do that the screen just times it goes to sleep well we're gonna turn that off because I I it
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doesn't give me a second before it's gone again you really just like it's intense there it's gone again it's because you haven't used it for 10
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seconds to seconds you can't do anything in 10 seconds camera on this is marvelous isn't it
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it's a great shots you should get them printed what are these now they're notifications right and and what you
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just you press them and then they'll open you press into them right okay yeah yeah okay let's put in your PIN
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oh I don't know what that is now you know I'm going away for the
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When Your Parents Go Away
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weekend yeah yeah tell me like a hundred times yes I'm going away with my friend Geraldine yeah yeah did you thank her
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for the jumper yes I did you did okay and remember what I said pet yeah don't open the door to anyone right okay
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[Music] I am leaving you 20 Euro for pizza oh great there are conditions I want you to
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Hoover the whole stairs and land it you have to clear out the garage the shed clean out the other varnish the doors
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sand down the garden furniture fine I don't want it you can keep it what there are 15 cans of lager in that cabinet and
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I have counted though aren't you supposed to be gone wait look I'm going I'm going right ocean I'm taking the
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internet what why now it's not up for discussion what am I gonna do well you can read a book remember the black bin
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goes out on the Monday yeah and the Greenville on the Fridays yes make sure they take the brown bin with the green
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bin right because last time they didn't take their mint to take that I don't want that brown bit yes all right thank you okay okay okay rush I'm okay yes
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remember to water the plants yeah I know yeah give them plenty of water yeah well I will but don't OverWatch them what for
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emergencies I'm leaving you my credit card just an emergency okay
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it's what I can't hear you I'm not shouting out my
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PIN number it's just been everyone here you don't have to chase this two of us just tell me normally I just spare key hidden in the garden place where between
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the acacia and the agapanthus I don't know what those plans are but when one has variegated leaves
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oh that's Geraldine there right okay nice okay good boy yeah goodbye look
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after yourself now okay and and and remember if I said now okay don't answer the door to oh okay okay good luck right
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okay goodbye oh and and don't forget yes okay goodbye and no part no goodbye more
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just go Jesus Christ
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[Music] I forgot my keys
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hello there ocean um I forgot my keys there now I'm not
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When Your Parents Make You Do Gardening
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supposed to answer the door to anyone what
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I need your help in the garden oh no you promised oh shim right a small help yeah
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they were the conditions I'm going to the Disco fine
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look we'll be done in five minutes we'll be done in 20 minutes 14 hours what let's start with the Hedge grab the
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garden shears we're not just use the electric one God no oh yeah of course now that would just make the job go
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quickly far too dangerous far too dangerous I'm not spending the next 24 hours in a e yeah it would be more fun
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than gardening I will give you five euro an hour five euro well I had to spend 400 Euro in all
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the garden center stuff that's supposed to make me feel better is it knowing that you spend more on the garden than you do on me I spend enough on you
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mister right yeah can we listen to a podcast no can we listen to music no can
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we listen to the radio no you can listen to the birds ocean Nature's music how's
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going on everyone if you're here to save him Barry you can wait another two hours
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ocean could you give me the whole pet what does it say the whole of
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sorry the I need a hoe you need you need a hoe yes
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you need a hoe yes I need a hoe well I go get you a hoe yes could you get me a hoe please
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oh that's anaconda's cash that's what that is oh where'd you pick it up [Music]
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they're nice first they're weeds well I think there's the welfares
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they're weeds pull them up why do they look nice they may look nice
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the bees might like them but they're weeds pull them up a moment's filthy inside there's nothing
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wrong with that glove it's brand new what is the point of a glove that's dirty on the inside
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whether two of you now are a great help there's a b well now they are more
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afraid of you than they have a bastard get away no do you see them there they are the delphiniums right and beside
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them is the azaleas and here we have I think it's the Montana titilatus what
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Montana titilatus
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maybe we could take a break and have some ice creams oh yeah you haven't done anything baby
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Magnums you know they're limited no we don't have any magnets need the frozen peas
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I'll get them right that's it now
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does it look great yeah no you should be very proud of yourself you did terrific work yeah it wasn't as bad as I thought
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yeah and it'll be great now for when the gardeners come in tomorrow what we've given them a great head start here why
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don't you just get the gardeners to do all this except 25 Euro an hour and the whole day rotate
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When Your Parents Won't Let You Decorate The Tree
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rotate rotate stop that side's a bit patchy your mom it's all the same no I preferred it the other
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way rotate rotate I don't know why your father insists on
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getting a monstrosity of a tree every year it's far too big where does he think it's going a shopping center the
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car is destroyed pine needles everywhere AC Euro that fella in the tree place is a crook
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is this the right box but he saw your father coming anyway mom is this the Box none shed my eye mom Joe I'd say he's
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declaring only half that money Mom I have a right mind to go back down to him Mom there is no need that's the round
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boxes right now I leave you to decorate it off okay okay great yeah I'm getting on with
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the pudding here now okay I'd start with the lights oh yeah yeah okay okay yeah
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from the bottom now not the top okay not the multicolored ones yeah
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do you want to do this no ocean I don't want the flashing Mom it's like a disco I thought you were
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leaving it to me right I'm gone I'm Gone the good decorations I need to go in the front so the people can see them from
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the road so put them put that one there there now and that that jangly one there put that to the front there I don't have
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time to use the plum pudding here don't group the large Barbers red then goes
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then red then be careful with my porcelain Santa you put two Barbers right beside each other that one is very
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expensive and then you have it hidden down below here don't Clump the acorns in like that that glass angel cost me
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seven pounds in 1995. wow I'm far too busy to be doing this now well then go I
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got this one when we were holidaying in Prague which has been a very exciting holiday Mom it's finished yes
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rice job but we've done that all by yourself now have I
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guess I should I would be very proud of that now it is absolutely perfect I wouldn't change a thing
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I would not change it I put those baubles up a bit maybe and I bring the lights down and I move that angel over
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here to the center somewhere the ribbons don't go with the candy canes and I completely change these words hey
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Barry I won't even ask you how you got in you put another Christmas tree yes save yourself it's a bit big wonderfully
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observed thank you mine's already up is it yeah well done Pat so since last
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year [Music] needs more Brandy this is Flanagan
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pudding delicious get out of that kitchen show me what you've touched up
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Outro
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hey we're fortunes and hog we have a brand new sketch every single Thursday so please like subscribe and share we
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also do live shows so check out our website for a show near you