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Hi!
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Welcome
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To
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Losing
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Weight
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With
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Derek
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Weidaaaaaa!!
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eagle screeches
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Oh, hey internet
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Here we are again,
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answering some frequently asked questions
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Today we're tackling
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"Derek, how do I lose weight?"
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Well, this video should help you from looking like
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272 pounds of chewed bubble gum
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to 205 pounds of hard dick!
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or.. whatever the female equivlent of hard dick is..
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I'm.. not sure
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This videos about nutritional tips for helping you lose weight
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For the purpose of this video,
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I'm just going to assume you're exercising
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Saying you want to lose weight and not exercise
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is like saying you want to have sex,
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but keep your clothes on
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and nobody ever fucking dry humps their way to success
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There are only a couple simple rules that I follow
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when I'm trying to cut some weight
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Don't drink fucking pop or soda
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Honestly, what do you expect to achieve
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if you're sitting there sucking sugars all day
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Yeah, I'm sitting here telling you to drink water
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while I'm drinking a beer, but
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it's a beautiful goddamn day to be an american
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...go fuck yourself
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BELCHES
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Drink water
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you'll stay more hydrated, making you
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feel more awake and shit
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and it'll also help your body flush out excess fat
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or something about fucking science and shit
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but we're not getting that deep in this video
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just drink fucking water
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Eat real food
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Look, I don't follow any kind of specific diet
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I follow the basics
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I consume like five meals of something a day
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a meal is a meat, a carb and if you give a shit
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a fruit or vegetable
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to be honest,
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I consume almost no fruits and vegetables
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but I do consume a lot of copenhagen
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and to me, that's kind of the same thing
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Meat
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Meat.
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When I say meat, I mean lean meat okay
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I'm talking about chicken, steak, turkey, salmon
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lean ground beef, okay?
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Meat is not a hot dog,
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meat is not motherfucking oscar meyer bologna
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sausage isn't a meat
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you want good, lean protein
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and that's your fucking meat
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CARBS
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Carbs in a meal...
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you kind of only stick to a few things
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I usually stick with rice, pasta or some kind of potato
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you do have to be careful about your carbs
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you want to limit them, but not eliminate them
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carbs are energy, and your carb intake is kind of determined on
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how much energy you're expending that day
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if you're not working out, you do want to eat less carbs
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same thing as you don't take your fucking
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car to the gas station to fill it up,
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when the tank is already full
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unless you're going to buy nudie magazines
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sometimes for my carbs, I choose a fruit right?
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like raspberries or strawberries
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especially if I'm trying to lose weight
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yes, I do quite often watch my girlish fucking figure
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but that's a fucking option. thats all fruit is,
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fucking sugar and carbs
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heres the hypocrisy of my bullshit, right?
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I'm about to educate you on how to eat fucking vegetables
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I consume almost no fruits and vegetables
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but when I do, I stick with green vegetables
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groans
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vegetables. when it comes to produce,
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I do try to buy organic
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and thats about the only time I'm finicky
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about organic shit
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because I don't know what kind of fucking chemicals
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they're putting on my fruits and vegetables
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I want to be able to have strong boners
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and have boys someday
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when it comes to my meals, if I'm eating a vegetable
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I stick to something like broccoli, green beans,
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zucchini or peas
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if it's green, it's good
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so there you go, that's a meal
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a meat, a carb, a green vegetable
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or a pinch of fucking copenhagen
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I don't give a shit
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breakfast is a little different
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keep it simple. I eat fucking eggs
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and not a fucking bacon egg and cheese
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from the 7/11 down your block
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my go to breakfast is two whole eggs
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some added egg whites
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a cup of oatmeal
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and a protein shake
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whiny voice
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but derek what about counting my macros?
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FUCK YOUR MACROS
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Derek, how many carbs do you consume a day?
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I have no idea
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uhh.. how much fat?
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I have fucking no clue
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calories?
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I.. can't answer that
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how much protein?
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belch
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Lets go for a walk, internet
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nuh nuh nuh
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alright, I want you to focus on building muscle and strength
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instead of just focusing on losing fat
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stop looking in the mirror everyday
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stop stepping on the scale everyday
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those numbers and shit are just gonna stress you out
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you know, losing fat is great and all
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but it's stressful as shit, right?
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it's better to just focus on making gains in the gym
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I promise you, if you're building lean body mass
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you're burning fat
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so focus on building muscle instead of burning fat
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its so much more enjoyable
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just trust me on this one
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when I say focus on building muscle and strength
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a lot of you women are gonna be like
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oh Derek, I don't want to get too bulky or muscular
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trust me, this shit ain't easy
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I've been trying to look bulky and muscular for like
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twelve fucking years
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and I barely look like an overdeveloped fifteen year old
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and I'm actually pretty drunk at this point
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crickets chirp
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guitar music
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Rule four: alright and this is where
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we're gonna have a little bit of a fucking heart to heart
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I can't stress this enough
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fitness is nothing more than a fucking journey, okay?
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so enjoy it
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like me, other athletes, fitness professionals
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none of us are where we want to be, okay
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like today, I'm not where I want to be
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like tomorrow, or in a month, or in a year
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so don't let where you are today stop you
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from working towards who you want to be tomorrow
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or for the rest of your life
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dont stress out about lack of progress or
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where the fuck you're starting from
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everybody starts somewhere, okay?
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enjoy it. have some fucking fun
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fat loss is simple
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dont overcomplicate it
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be careful where you take your fucking advice from
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Hey guys, bobby mcfuckstick here
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coming to tell you about my new product
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Mctablafuck MAX HD super ultra nine million
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guaranteed to help you fucking
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incinerate fat, get cut, jacked, toned, defined
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don't take my word for it, lets hear it from a brown guy
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keys clacking
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Hi, I'm Doctor Brown
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Mctablafuck MAX HD super ultra nine million
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is a scientifically engineered fat loss pill
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that you know is effective, because
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we use words like: incinerate fat
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cut, toned, jacked, defined in our advertisements
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and nothing says trustworthy..
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..like a brown man in a white lab coat
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alright. I know it looks like I'm making light of the situation
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but honestly this shit isn't really that hard
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if you want to lose weight,
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all it takes is a little bit of work in the gym
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be mindful of your diet
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and just be consistent
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hard work over time yields great results
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if you want to take it seriously and have an in depth
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conversation with me about all this, please
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just email me at AmpuD82@gmail.com
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I'm happy to talk to you about specific diet plans
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specific workout programs
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but overall I like to keep it nice and simple
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this shit aint really that hard
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music