How to build your confidence -- and spark it in others
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0:01 - 0:03So when I was a little girl,
-
0:03 - 0:06a book sat on the coffee table
in our living room, -
0:06 - 0:08just steps from our front door.
-
0:08 - 0:10And the living room is a first impression.
-
0:10 - 0:12Ours had white carpet
-
0:12 - 0:16and a curio of my mother's
most treasured collectibles. -
0:17 - 0:21That room represented the sacrifices
of generations gone by -
0:21 - 0:24who, by poverty or by policy,
-
0:24 - 0:27couldn't afford a curio of collectibles
-
0:27 - 0:30let alone a middle class house
to put them in. -
0:30 - 0:33That room had to stay perfect.
-
0:33 - 0:37But I would risk messing up
that perfect room every day -
0:37 - 0:40just to see that book.
-
0:40 - 0:43On the cover sat a woman
named Septima Clark. -
0:43 - 0:48She sat in perfect profile
with her face raised to the sky. -
0:48 - 0:51She had perfect salt-and-pepper cornrows
-
0:51 - 0:53platted down the sides of her head,
-
0:53 - 0:57and pride and wisdom
just emanated from her dark skin. -
0:58 - 1:00Septima Clark was an activist
and an educator, -
1:00 - 1:05a woman after whom I'd eventually
model my own career. -
1:05 - 1:07But more than all the words
she ever spoke, -
1:07 - 1:10that single portrait of Septima Clark,
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1:10 - 1:13it defined confidence for me
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1:13 - 1:16before I ever even knew the word.
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1:16 - 1:17It may sound simple,
-
1:17 - 1:22but confidence is something
that we underestimate the importance of. -
1:22 - 1:25We treat it like a nice-to-have
instead of a must-have. -
1:25 - 1:29We place value on knowledge and resources
-
1:29 - 1:33above what we deem to be
the soft skill of confidence. -
1:33 - 1:36But by most measures,
we have more knowledge -
1:36 - 1:39and more resources now
than at any other point in history, -
1:39 - 1:44and still injustice abounds
and challenges persist. -
1:45 - 1:48If knowledge and resources
were all that we needed, -
1:48 - 1:50we wouldn't still be here.
-
1:50 - 1:53And I believe that confidence
is one of the main things -
1:53 - 1:54missing from the equation.
-
1:55 - 1:58I'm completely obsessed with confidence.
-
1:58 - 2:00It's been the most important
journey of my life, -
2:00 - 2:03a journey that,
to be honest, I'm still on. -
2:03 - 2:09Confidence is the necessary spark
before everything that follows. -
2:09 - 2:13Confidence is the difference
between being inspired -
2:13 - 2:15and actually getting started,
-
2:15 - 2:19between trying and doing until it's done.
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2:19 - 2:23Confidence helps us keep going
even when we failed. -
2:24 - 2:29The name of the book on that coffee table
was "I Dream A World," -
2:29 - 2:34and today I dream a world
where revolutionary confidence -
2:34 - 2:39helps bring about our
most ambitious dreams into reality. -
2:39 - 2:42That's exactly the kind of world
that I wanted to create in my classroom -
2:42 - 2:44when I was a teacher,
-
2:44 - 2:46like a Willy Wonka world
of pure imagination, -
2:46 - 2:48but make it scholarly.
-
2:49 - 2:52All of my students were black or brown.
-
2:52 - 2:55All of them were growing up
in a low-income circumstance. -
2:56 - 2:59Some of them were immigrants,
some of them were disabled, -
2:59 - 3:02but all of them were the very last people
-
3:02 - 3:05this world invites to be confident.
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3:06 - 3:09That's why it was so important
that my classroom be a place -
3:09 - 3:13where my students could build
the muscle of confidence, -
3:13 - 3:16where they could learn to face each day
with the confidence you need -
3:16 - 3:20to redesign the world
in the image of your own dreams. -
3:20 - 3:25After all, what are academic skills
without the confidence to use those skills -
3:25 - 3:27to go out and change the world.
-
3:28 - 3:32Now is when I should tell you about
two of my students, Jamal and Regina. -
3:32 - 3:36Now, I've changed their names,
but their stories remain the same. -
3:36 - 3:39Jamal was brilliant, but unfocused.
-
3:39 - 3:42He would squirm in his chair
during independent work, -
3:42 - 3:46and he would never stay still
for more than three or four minutes. -
3:46 - 3:49Students like Jamal
can perplex brand new teachers -
3:49 - 3:53because they're not quite sure
how to support young people like him. -
3:54 - 3:55I took a direct approach.
-
3:55 - 3:58I negotiated with Jamal.
-
3:58 - 4:00If he could give me focused work,
-
4:00 - 4:02then he could do it
from anywhere in the classroom, -
4:02 - 4:05from our classroom rug,
from behind my desk, -
4:05 - 4:09from inside his classroom locker,
which turned out to be his favorite place. -
4:10 - 4:13Jamal's least favorite
subject was writing, -
4:13 - 4:17and he never wanted to read
what he had written out loud in class, -
4:17 - 4:19but we were still making progress.
-
4:19 - 4:23One day, I decided to host
a mock 2008 presidential election -
4:23 - 4:24in my classroom.
-
4:24 - 4:28My third graders had to research
and write a stump speech -
4:28 - 4:29for their chosen candidate:
-
4:29 - 4:33Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton
or John McCain. -
4:33 - 4:35The heavy favorites were obvious,
-
4:35 - 4:38but one student chose John McCain.
-
4:38 - 4:40It was Jamal.
-
4:41 - 4:45Jamal finally decided to read something
that he had written out loud in class, -
4:45 - 4:49and sure enough, Jamal stunned
all of us with his brilliance. -
4:49 - 4:53Just like Jamal's dad,
John McCain was a veteran, -
4:53 - 4:56and just like Jamal's dad protected him,
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4:56 - 5:00Jamal believed that John McCain
would protect the entire country. -
5:00 - 5:03And he wasn't my candidate of choice,
but it didn't matter, -
5:03 - 5:07because the entire class
erupted into applause, -
5:07 - 5:10a standing ovation
for our brave friend Jamal -
5:10 - 5:13who finally showed up
as his most confident self -
5:13 - 5:15for the first time that year.
-
5:16 - 5:19And then there was Regina.
-
5:19 - 5:21Regina was equally
as brilliant, but active. -
5:21 - 5:24She'd inevitably finish her work early,
-
5:24 - 5:28and then she'd get on about the business
of distracting other students. -
5:28 - 5:29(Laughter)
-
5:29 - 5:31Walking, talking,
-
5:31 - 5:34passing those notes
that teachers hate but kids love. -
5:34 - 5:36You look like you passed a lot of them.
-
5:36 - 5:37(Laughter)
-
5:37 - 5:41Despite my high ideals for our classroom,
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5:41 - 5:44I would too often default
to my baser instincts, -
5:44 - 5:48and I would choose
compliance over confidence. -
5:48 - 5:52Regina was a glitch in my intended system.
-
5:52 - 5:54A good teacher can correct misbehavior
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5:54 - 5:56but still remain a student's champion.
-
5:56 - 5:58But on one day in particular,
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5:58 - 6:01I just plain old chose control.
-
6:01 - 6:03I snapped,
-
6:03 - 6:05and my approach
didn't communicate to Regina -
6:05 - 6:08that she was being a distraction.
-
6:08 - 6:13My approach communicated to Regina
that she herself was a distraction. -
6:14 - 6:16I watched the light go out from her eyes,
-
6:16 - 6:20and that light sparked joy
in our classroom. -
6:20 - 6:22I had just extinguished it.
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6:22 - 6:25The entire class became irritable,
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6:25 - 6:27and we didn't recover
for the rest of the day. -
6:28 - 6:31I think about the day often,
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6:31 - 6:35and I have literally prayed
that I did not do irreparable harm, -
6:35 - 6:41because as a woman who used to be
a little girl just like Regina, -
6:41 - 6:45I know that I could have started
the process of killing her confidence -
6:45 - 6:46forever.
-
6:47 - 6:50A lack of confidence
pulls us down from the bottom -
6:50 - 6:52and weighs us down from the top,
-
6:52 - 6:57crushing us between a flurry
of can'ts, won'ts and impossibles. -
6:57 - 7:00Without confidence, we get stuck,
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7:00 - 7:03and when we get stuck,
we can't even get started. -
7:04 - 7:07Instead of getting mired
in what can get in our way, -
7:07 - 7:11confidence invites us
to perform with certainty. -
7:11 - 7:14We all operate a little differently
when we're sure we can win -
7:14 - 7:17versus if we just hope we will.
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7:17 - 7:19Now, this can be a helpful check.
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7:19 - 7:20If you don't have enough confidence,
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7:20 - 7:23it could be because you need
to readjust your goal. -
7:23 - 7:25If you have too much confidence,
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7:25 - 7:29it could be because
you're not rooted in something real. -
7:29 - 7:31Not everyone lacks confidence.
-
7:31 - 7:36We make it easier in this society
for some people to gain confidence -
7:36 - 7:40because they fit our preferred
archetype of leadership. -
7:41 - 7:43We reward confidence in some people
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7:43 - 7:46and we punish confidence in others,
-
7:46 - 7:48and all the while far too many people
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7:48 - 7:52are walking around
every single day without it. -
7:52 - 7:54For some of us,
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7:54 - 7:57confidence is a revolutionary choice,
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7:58 - 8:00and it would be our greatest shame
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8:00 - 8:03to see our best ideas go unrealized
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8:03 - 8:06and our brightest dreams go unreached
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8:06 - 8:10all because we lacked
the engine of confidence. -
8:10 - 8:12That's not a risk I'm willing to take.
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8:13 - 8:15So how do we crack the code on confidence?
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8:15 - 8:18In my estimation,
it takes at least three things: -
8:18 - 8:22permission, community and curiosity.
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8:23 - 8:25Permission births confidence,
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8:25 - 8:27community nurtures it
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8:27 - 8:29and curiosity affirms it.
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8:30 - 8:32In education, we've got a saying,
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8:32 - 8:34that you can't be what you can't see.
-
8:34 - 8:37When I was a little girl,
I couldn't show confidence -
8:37 - 8:39until someone showed me.
-
8:39 - 8:41My family used to do everything together,
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8:41 - 8:44including the mundane things,
like buying a new car, -
8:44 - 8:45and every time we did this,
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8:45 - 8:50I'd watch my parents
put on the exact same performance. -
8:50 - 8:51We'd enter the dealership,
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8:51 - 8:54and my dad would sit
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8:54 - 8:56while my mom shopped.
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8:56 - 8:59When my mom found a car that she liked,
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8:59 - 9:01they'd go in and meet with the dealer,
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9:01 - 9:05and inevitably, every time
the dealer would turn his attention -
9:05 - 9:08and his body to my dad,
-
9:08 - 9:10assuming that he
controlled the purse strings -
9:10 - 9:12and therefore this negotiation.
-
9:12 - 9:17"Rev. Packnett," they'd say,
"how do we get you into this car today?" -
9:18 - 9:22My dad would inevitably
respond the same way. -
9:22 - 9:27He'd slowly and silently
gesture toward my mother -
9:27 - 9:29and then put his hands
right back in his lap. -
9:29 - 9:31It might have been the complete shock
-
9:31 - 9:34of negotiating finances
with a black woman in the '80s, -
9:34 - 9:35but whatever it was,
-
9:35 - 9:38I'd watch my mother
work these car dealers over -
9:38 - 9:41until they were basically
giving the car away for free. -
9:41 - 9:42(Laughter)
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9:42 - 9:44She would never crack a smile.
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9:45 - 9:47She would never be afraid to walk away.
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9:48 - 9:52I know my mom just thought
she was getting a good deal on a minivan, -
9:52 - 9:54but what she was actually doing
-
9:54 - 9:59was giving me permission
to defy expectations -
9:59 - 10:03and to show up confidently in my skill
no matter who doubts me. -
10:04 - 10:07Confidence needs permission to exist
-
10:07 - 10:12and community is the safest place
to try confidence on. -
10:12 - 10:15I traveled to Kenya this year
to learn about women's empowerment -
10:15 - 10:16among Maasai women.
-
10:16 - 10:18There I met a group of young women
-
10:18 - 10:20called Team Lioness,
-
10:20 - 10:25among Kenya's first all-female
community ranger groups. -
10:25 - 10:28These eight brave young women
were making history -
10:28 - 10:29in just their teenage years,
-
10:29 - 10:34and I asked Purity, the most verbose
young ranger among them, -
10:34 - 10:36"Do you ever get scared?"
-
10:36 - 10:40I swear to you, I want to tattoo
her response all over my entire body. -
10:40 - 10:43She said, "Of course I do,
-
10:43 - 10:45but I call on my sisters.
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10:45 - 10:48They remind me that we
will be better than these men -
10:48 - 10:50and that we will not fail."
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10:51 - 10:55Purity's confidence to chase down
lions and catch poachers, -
10:55 - 10:59it didn't come from her athletic ability
or even just her faith. -
10:59 - 11:03Her confidence was
propped up by sisterhood, -
11:03 - 11:05by community.
-
11:05 - 11:09What she was basically saying
was that if I am ever in doubt, -
11:09 - 11:11I need you to be there
-
11:11 - 11:13to restore my hope
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11:13 - 11:16and to rebuild my certainty.
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11:16 - 11:20In community, I can find my confidence
-
11:20 - 11:24and your curiosity can affirm it.
-
11:24 - 11:26Early in my career,
I led a large-scale event -
11:26 - 11:28that did not go exactly as planned.
-
11:28 - 11:31I'm lying to you. It was terrible.
-
11:31 - 11:34And when I debriefed the event
with my manager, -
11:34 - 11:36I just knew that she
was going to run down the list -
11:36 - 11:39of every mistake I had ever made,
-
11:39 - 11:40probably from birth.
-
11:40 - 11:44But instead, she opened with a question:
-
11:44 - 11:46What was your intention?
-
11:48 - 11:50I was surprised but relieved.
-
11:50 - 11:53She knew that I was already
beating myself up, -
11:53 - 11:58and that question invited me
to learn from my own mistakes -
11:58 - 12:02instead of damage
my already fragile confidence. -
12:02 - 12:07Curiosity invites people
to be in charge of their own learning. -
12:07 - 12:11That exchange, it helped me
approach my next project -
12:11 - 12:13with the expectation of success.
-
12:15 - 12:18Permission, community, curiosity:
-
12:19 - 12:24all of these are the things that we
will need to breed the confidence -
12:24 - 12:28that we'll absolutely need
to solve our greatest challenges -
12:28 - 12:30and to build the world we dream,
-
12:30 - 12:35a world where inequity is ended
and where justice is real, -
12:35 - 12:39a world where we can be free
on the outside and free on the inside -
12:39 - 12:43because we know that none of us are free
until all of us are free. -
12:43 - 12:46A world that isn't
intimidated by confidence -
12:46 - 12:48when it shows up as a woman
-
12:48 - 12:49or in black skin
-
12:49 - 12:54or in anything other than
our preferred archetypes of leadership. -
12:54 - 12:56A world that knows
that that kind of confidence -
12:56 - 13:01is exactly the key we need
to unlock the future that we want. -
13:02 - 13:05I have enough confidence
to believe that that world -
13:05 - 13:07will indeed come to pass,
-
13:07 - 13:11and that we are the ones to make it so.
-
13:11 - 13:12Thank you so much.
-
13:12 - 13:15(Applause)
- Title:
- How to build your confidence -- and spark it in others
- Speaker:
- Brittany Packnett
- Description:
-
"Confidence is the necessary spark before everything that follows," says educator and activist Brittany Packnett. In an inspiring talk, she shares three ways to crack the code of confidence -- and her dream for a world where revolutionary confidence helps turn our most ambitious dreams into reality.
- Video Language:
- English
- Team:
- closed TED
- Project:
- TEDTalks
- Duration:
- 13:30
Brian Greene edited English subtitles for How to build your confidence -- and spark it in others | ||
Brian Greene approved English subtitles for How to build your confidence -- and spark it in others | ||
Brian Greene edited English subtitles for How to build your confidence -- and spark it in others | ||
Joanna Pietrulewicz accepted English subtitles for How to build your confidence -- and spark it in others | ||
Joanna Pietrulewicz edited English subtitles for How to build your confidence -- and spark it in others | ||
Joanna Pietrulewicz edited English subtitles for How to build your confidence -- and spark it in others | ||
Joseph Geni edited English subtitles for How to build your confidence -- and spark it in others | ||
Joseph Geni edited English subtitles for How to build your confidence -- and spark it in others |