Columbo - 704 - How to Dial a Murder

Columbo - 704 - How to Dial a Murder

Rosebud.

Rosebud.

Rosebud.

You're gonna die.
Every last one of you.

I'm sorry to give you
the bad news,

but that's a fact.

Death, sooner or later.
Show me those dials.

And the woman sitting next to
the man in the check suit.

Spread out. Give yourself
some living space.

If we wanted you
next to each other,

we'd fill this hall and I'd
make another $100,000.

But you wouldn't get the point.

And the point is take control.

Take control of your own space,

your own lives,

your own responses.

We don't want you crammed in,

contaminating each other
with your nasty little fears

and insecurities.

And if you don't think that
you're that kind of a girl

or that kind of a boy,

then what are you doing here

shoveling out your hard-earned
money to the good doctor?

Now, did anybody forget
to twist his dial?

No.
No.

Oh, Come on,
I can't hear that.

No, Dr. Mason!

No, Dr. Mason!

Good. Charlie,

how did they do
on the word death?

They didn't like death.

Negative 8 dB on that one.

Thank you, Charlie.

You're not really sure
what death means,

but you don't like it.
You don't like the word.

You're bothered
by the word mother

and you're afraid
of the word father. Words!

Food, money, boss, wife, sex.

Mommy and daddy
started setting you up

right from the cradle,
conditioning you.

They took control
with the control words.

Then the words took control.
Now, who's got the control?

I've got the control.

The words locked you into
your locked-up little lives.

Now we're gonna teach you
how to smash the lock.

Laurel, Hardy.

They're not very bright, but
they answer to their names.

What name do you answer to?

All right.

I'm going out
and eating lunch.

A nice, big lunch.

But you're not gonna eat

until the facilitators
tell you that you can eat.

Oh, you'll earn that privilege.

Burt, lan and Betty
will help you with that.

They're going to
hear you count.

Count backwards
from a hundred,

count yourselves right back
into the cradle.

Now, start counting.
100...

99, 98,

97, 96,

95, 94,

93, 92...

What's on the docket,
Charlie?

You wanted to check

the foreign language tapes.
Oh, they'll wait.

And the seminar for
the new facilitator group.

Oh, God preserve us.

Come on in.

Laurel, Hardy.

Come on.
Come on.

Charlie, Charlie,

I grow weary.

You should try the Institute
for Life Control.

Will that save me?
- From what?

The Institute for Life Control.

Let's run away
and be Indians, Charlie.

Do you miss her?

Lorraine?

Lorraine's dead.

You never talk about it.

The car went over the cliff.
She stopped living.

I can't do that.
Not even for her.

It wasn't that good a
marriage, if you wanna know.

Eric.

She was seeing somebody else.

Somebody. I don't know who.

Lover.

Well, you still want me
to talk about it?

No.

Come on, let's get out of here
and play some tennis.

Well, I thought you'd
never ask. Your place?

I have an annual physical
with Ernie Garrison.

Take me a couple of hours.

If I'm late,
just let yourself in

and make yourself at home.

I'll meet you
at the house at 3:00.

Yes, sir... Boss.
Tennis at 3:00.

Oh, Charlie, will you do me a favor and
take those clowny Dobermans for me?

My pleasure.

Don't let them push you around.

Come on, gang.
Let's go.

Goodbye, Charlie.

I'll see you at 3:00.

Terrific. You ought to do
this for money.

Is this the best you can do?

Well, let's find out.

All right, everybody out.
Scram. Go on. Beat it.

Pow!

We'll do a resting
trace for five minutes.

Then I'll be back.

Thanks, Ernie.

Take it easy,
it's not for you.

Dr. Mason's residence.

Charlie, it's Eric.

This damn physical's taking
longer than I expected.

I'll get there when I can.

Whenever.

Oh, Charlie,

help me settle an argument
with this big-shot doctor.

Ernie won't take an expert's
word for it, so you tell him.

Now, in the movie
Citizen Kane

what was written
on Kane's sled?

I mean, exactly what
was written there?

Well, the sled's hanging
in your den it says "Rosebud."

You hear that, Ernie?

Here, Charlie,
I'm holding up the phone.

You tell him
nice and loud.

Rosebud.

Eric.

Any pain now?

No, I never felt better
in my life.

No more ball. When I say
that's it, that's it.

All right, one more time
and that's it.

All right, officer,
they're all yours.

Lieutenant.

They're my dogs.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry, sir.

You must be Dr. Mason.

Here I am,

playing away with these dogs
as if nothing happened.

I know what a terrible shock
this must have been, sir,

I mean coming home and...

From the doctor and all,

and finding out
what happened to Mr. Hunter.

I'm Lieutenant Columbo, sir.
Homicide.

I'm afraid, sir,

that we have to make out
a police report

in every death, sir,

where the victim wasn't
under a doctor's care.

Are you
a physician yourself?

No, no. My doctorate's
in psychology.

You're very tall, sir.

For a psychologist?

Or for someone whose dogs
just killed his best friend?

It was just
a general observation, sir.

You're an acute observer,
Lieutenant.

What'll happen to my dogs?

Well, for now,

they're being held by
the Animal Regulation people.

And then put away?

Well that's
up to the court, sir,

but I'm afraid
under the circumstances...

I'm not arguing
the point, Lieutenant.

Obviously,
they have to be destroyed.

Oh, Dr. Mason.

Dr. Mason.

Excuse me, sir.

Are you Dr. Eric Mason,
the mind control doctor?

Not mind control, life control.

There's a difference, Lieutenant.
I'm not a Svengali.

Oh, I didn't mean
to imply, sir.

Just last night my wife was
talking about your institute.

Oh, you're a very famous
psychologist, sir.

Mrs. Columbo,
she's highly enthusiastic

about taking one of
your 48-hour sessions

to study control, sir.

I understand her enthusiasm,
Lieutenant.

But it seems that I can't
even control my own dogs.

Well, you know, that's
been bothering me, too, sir.

They don't seem
to need much controlling.

I mean they're
very affectionate animals.

I hit it off with them
right away.

They hit it off
with everybody, Lieutenant.

Until today, sir.

Yes. Until today.

Uh, were they trained, sir?

I mean, some kind
of guard dog training?

The only training they've
had is to be affectionate.

The victim,
Mr. Charles Hunter...

Dr. Hunter.

Dr. Hunter, sir.

Did the dogs get along
with Dr. Hunter, too?

With everyone.

Including
Miss Joanne Nicholls, sir?

Look, I don't know how many
ways I can say it, Lieutenant.

Right, sir.

According to Sergeant Burke,

Miss Nicholls called in
her report

just after 3:00 while you were
still at the doctor's.

Um...

I understand
she lives with you, sir.

Not with me.

On the premises.
In the guesthouse.

Right.

I've never believed the myth

about Dobermans turning
into spontaneous killers.

I still can't get it
through my mind.

Something happened.

Charlie must've done something
to provoke an attack.

Can we just step
into the house?

It's a remarkable room, sir.

I've never seen
anything like it.

All this memorabilia.

All these wonderful things.

It's easy to see, sir, that
you're a fanatic film buff.

We all need our dream
worlds, Lieutenant.

Even psychologists.
Are you a collector?

Oh, no, sir.
I wouldn't know where to begin.

W.C. Fields.

Now, sir,
there was a genius.

This was his pool cue.

Look at that.

And this is his pool table.

No.

Oh, yes, Lieutenant.

May I, sir?

Please.

W.C. Fields.

See if I can hit this
in the corner pocket.

What I wanted to ask you, sir,

when you knew that
you were gonna be late

for your tennis game,

did you happen to call
Dr. Hunter

to tell him
you were going to be late?

No. We both knew
I might be held up.

But not as late
as it turned out.

Not as late, no.

Do you enjoy games,
Lieutenant?

I've never had time
for them, sir.

But I'm sure you're
very good at games.

Having your own
tennis court and all.

Oh, this looks very old, sir.

Oh, that. It's an old movie
light I picked up last week.

It's called a baby spot.

I'll work on it
and clean it up like those.

Would you have been
expecting a phone call?

This sled, sir.

What would this be for?

It's priceless.

From the movie
Citizen Kane.

With Orson Welles?

Oh, that was
a terrific movie, sir.

Mrs. Colombo, she claims
that's a masterpiece.

I'll tell Mr. Welles
that she approved.

Could we get on, Lieutenant?

I was going to ask you, sir,

if you would've been expecting
a phone call around 3:00.

I mean,
if you had been home,

would you be expecting
someone to call?

Nobody specific.

I'd like you to be sure
about that, sir.

Lord knows,
after what happened here,

you'd be entitled
to be confused

about something
like a telephone call.

I appreciate the dispensation,
Lieutenant,

but I'm still capable
of recalling

whether or not
I was expecting a call.

I was not expecting a call.

I wouldn't, sir.
Not if you're headed for the kitchen.

To tell you the truth, sir,
it's pretty awful in there.

I wouldn't go in there
until they cleaned it up.

Was there a particular point

you wanted to make
about Charlie

or the dogs?

Oh, right, sir. I almost forgot.

Is that a real phone?

Of course.

It's unplugged, sir.

There by the baseboard.

What I wanted to show you, sir,

the kitchen phone
is a wall telephone,

just like this one.

The way we found it,

the receiver
was hanging like this.

It's still hanging
in there, sir.

The kitchen phone.

That's the way
it's hanging now

and that's the way
it was hanging

when I first found it.

You understand?

Yes, I understand.
You make it very clear, Lieutenant.

Well,
that's the point, sir.

You said that
just prior to the attack,

what Charlie
must've been doing

was provoking the dogs.

I say what he
must've been doing

was standing there
talking on the telephone.

Well, that seems
a reasonable assumption.

But when the dogs went wild,

couldn't the phone have been
knocked off the hook?

Not if you listen
to the phone, sir.

What you're hearing, sir,

is the sound coming
from the kitchen phone.

And that's the same sound

that I heard
when I first arrived

and I put the kitchen receiver
to my ear.

And what does that
tell you, Lieutenant?

It's a fast busy signal, sir.

If the phone had been
knocked off the hook,

what we would be hearing
is a steady tone.

No, sir,
your kitchen phone rang.

And your friend answered it.
You can count on that, sir.

Well, since we seem to be playing
some kind of a mind game,

couldn't Charlie have been calling
out on the kitchen phone?

No, sir.

In that case we would be
hearing a steady tone.

With a fast busy signal,
we know

the call came in.

That's a fact, sir.

I checked
with the telephone district.

Well, you seem to have won
the game, Lieutenant.

I accept your fact.

That still leaves the question
of why the dogs attacked.

You see what I mean, sir?

It certainly has been a tragic
year for you, hasn't it, sir?

I mean,
with your wife's death

just six months ago,
and now this.

Well, you know,

we all have to deal
with our emotions

and my first instinct is
always to turn to a friend.

And the first friend
I think of is Charlie.

And then
Laurel and Hardy.

Laurel and Hardy, sir?

My dogs.

I should've known.

You certainly have
a beautiful home here, sir.

It's like something
out of a movie itself.

It belonged to Theda Bara.

You see, when I leave
the Institute, Lieutenant,

even I live
in a dream world.

Oh, there's nothing
dreamy about you, sir

not the way those thousands
of people depend on you

for peace of mind.

Well, we'll be seeing
more of each other, sir,

until the investigation
is settled.

Lieutenant,

it's not that I haven't been
impressed by your company,

but what is there to settle?

Well, there's that
telephone again, sir.

You see,
whoever called Dr. Hunter

must've heard those awful
sounds in the kitchen, sir.

Must've heard the dogs
and a man dying.

Dying and screaming, sir.

And nobody called the police.

We never got a report, sir.
Not a single one.

Except for the young girl
down here in the guesthouse.

So you can see,

we would like to know

who made that telephone call, sir.

You understand, sir.
Good day, sir.

I came in
and he was on the floor.

And the dogs were
at his throat.

I tried

but I couldn't do anything.

I ran away.

But you called us, miss.

Yeah, for all the good
it did.

I'm cold.

My folks back home,

they were upset
when I told them

I was living here
with Dr. Mason.

They said that
I'd get into trouble.

I think I'm in trouble.

Excuse me, miss.

How did you
come to live here?

It beats
a college dormitory.

See, I met Dr. Mason
when I did the control course

at the Institute.

And he said that he and
his wife had a guesthouse

and they liked having
psychology students

and they said
I could live here

if I helped
take care of the main house.

So I talked it over
with Sigmund, and we took it.

Sigmund?

Sigmund.

Daddy said that
he'd always look after me.

Daddy didn't know
about the dogs.

But after Mrs. Mason died,

I had the whole place
to myself mostly,

you know, weekends and all.

So it turned out
to be a good deal.

Lieutenant, would you like
some hot chocolate?

Oh, I'd like that very much,
very much.

So would I.

There'll just be
a few more questions, miss.

Earn them.

Did you know Dr. Hunter?

Sure.

He was around a lot.

When you say you had
the place to yourself,

did you take care of the dogs?

Well, sometimes.
They were terrific company.

But Saturdays or Sundays,
sometimes both days,

Eric took them.

To the Institute, miss?

No, he hasn't worked weekends
since Mrs. Mason died.

Why don't we just sit down,
you, me, and Sigmund?

Why didn't I think of that?

Over here, miss.

Uh, miss,

just before the screams,

just before the thing happened
up in the kitchen,

you said you were swimming.

Now try and remember.
It's very important.

Did you hear a phone ringing?

No.

Ordinarily,
when you're in the pool,

can't you hear a phone
ringing in the kitchen?

Yes.

But you didn't hear
a phone ring?

I didn't hear any phone.

Thank you very much, ma'am.

You try and get some sleep.

One more question, ma'am.

Just before the screams,

were you swimming
on top of the water

or were you swimming
under the water?

I was diving.

Swimming under the water.

So you couldn't have heard the
phone ring up in the house?

I didn't hear any phone.

Very good.

Oh, sorry, sir.

Just leaving. Excuse me.

Eric, hold me!

Joanne, listen to me.

It was so awful.

Listen to me.

I want to comfort you
and I want you to comfort me.

But not until you take control.

You think of your secret word.

The word that
nobody knows but you.

The word that defeats
every other word.

I've got a new one.

A new secret word.

Blood!

Now, who's gonna
control your life?

You or that word?

Don't worry about it.
I'll sleep it off.

You've suffered
a terrible experience.

It's time to go home.
Get out of this place, Jo.

But I don't wanna go.

You've wanted to go.

Ever since you've known.

Known what?

That you and I
aren't going to be lovers,

that I control my own space.

That you can't have
everything you want,

just because you want it.

What the hell do you know
about it, Doctor?

What do you know about it?

Heel.

Okay. All right.
Out! Sit!

Sit, sit.

That's a good boy.

It's all right, Lieutenant.
You can pet him.

Why should I?

To show him
that you're friendly.

Why doesn't he show me first?

Come on, Baruk's a love.
Come on.

Who knows what goes on
in the head of a dog?

I do.

You do, huh?

How you doing, old-timer?

You know about dogs.

Then what about
those Dobermans?

Why would they kill
Dr. Hunter?

They've never been trained
as attack dogs?

No, ma'am.

Well, then they might kill for the
same reason people do, Lieutenant.

Why do people kill?

Oh, I understand those reasons.

People murder out of fear,
jealousy, greed, sex,

all those things.

Well, so do dogs,
Lieutenant.

And sometimes, like us,
they just go crazy.

Henry, you're gonna need
that funny suit.

Baruk, heel.

When a dog goes killer wild
we call it reverting.

It's reversion
back to the wolf.

We don't talk about it
a whole lot. But it happens.

Well, that would
explain it, ma'am.

Except that you told me you played
with the dogs after they went savage.

Now I've never heard of a reverting
dog that didn't stay that way.

Well, thank you very much, ma'am.

We didn't clear much up,

but it sort of highlights
the problem.

Glad I could help.
Bye-bye, Lieutenant.

Henry, we're just
gonna run a couple. Okay?

Watch him, Baruk.
Watch him. Watch him.

Baruk, kiss.

Baruk, out! Come.

Baruk, come.

Miss Cochrane! Ma'am!

Good boy, good boy.

What did you just do?

Just an attack command.

But you said...

K-I-S-S, ma'am.

Well, that's
Baruk's attack word.

A dog can respond
to any command,

as long as he's trained
to understand it.

Here, I'll show you.

Baruk, watch him,
watch him. Kill!

Yes, yes,
you're a good dog.

Yes, all right.

All right, that's enough.

Baruk, down, down.
-That's enough, all right.

You mean that a trainer

can control a dog
with any word?

Any word at all?

A sign, or a sound, a word.

Any word in any language.

Right, right.

Millions of words.

And you can train any dog
to do that?

If he's smart enough, yeah.

Even a dog like mine?
Back there in the car?

Just a regular dog?

My wife, she's alone a lot,
me working nights and all.

We were thinking of training
him up to be a guard dog.

I'd feel a lot better
knowing she was protected.

Come on, dog,

here's the teacher.

Come meet your teacher.

Sit, just like
I taught you, sit.

All right. Now, stay.

Don't go running around.

You see?

This dog could be
a lethal weapon.

He's already partly trained.

What do you think, ma'am?

If you wanna protect
your wife, Lieutenant,

why don't you just
teach her karate?

Goodbye.

Kill.

Kiss.

Go back in the car.

Get back in the car.

Well, listen,
you're only a dog.

You're not a college professor.

I'm sorry, sir.
This is a closed area.

My name is Mason

and the officer at the desk
told me I could see my dogs.

I don't know, Dr. Mason.
Just a second.

Laurel. Hardy.

I'm gonna have to check
with Lieutenant Columbo.

He's around here somewhere.

Oh, officer.

When will my dogs be put away?

Nothing definite.

You'll be glad to know the
Lieutenant's doing everything he can

to keep them alive.

I see. Thank you.

Well, now, my darlings.

I wish you
a long and happy life.

But that wouldn't be so
comfortable for me, would it?

So you're gonna have
to do me one last service.

You want some candy?

Guess what I got for you.

Your favorite chocolates.
See?

Hold it, just hold it, sir!

They're only supposed
to be fed by the officer, sir.

Not even chocolates,
Lieutenant?

Not even chocolates, Doctor.

Well, in that case,
would you care for one?

Thank you all the same, sir.

Delicious.

I'll say good night,
Lieutenant.

Oh, I'm glad
I ran into you, sir.

There's something
I wanted to ask you.

The technicians, they found
this on your kitchen floor.

They asked me
to account for it, sir.

Do you know
what it might be?

It looks like straw,
Lieutenant.

The technicians, they were
confused by that, sir.

They couldn't figure out
where it came from.

Oh, I'm sure it's from a case
of wine I ordered last week.

Right, of course.

Well,
that would explain it.

Straw from a case of wine.

I told them it was gonna be
something like that.

Will there be anything else,
Lieutenant?

Well, as long as
you asked, sir,

just to fill out my report.

When you used to take the dogs
away on a weekend,

what is it
you did with the dogs?

We'd walk down the beach.

And they played
and I would think.

Thinking's an old-fashioned
habit, Lieutenant,

and one
well worth cultivating.

Well, I'm gonna have
to try that sometime, sir.

You were always with the dogs?

Always.

On the beach?

On different beaches.

Good night, sir.

Good night, Lieutenant.

Kill!

Kiss!

Diamonds!

Rubies.

Sneakers.

Terrific.

Terrific.

Good morning, Lieutenant.

Oh, it's you, sir.

They told me you was busy.

I was just playing with this.
Is that all right, sir?

We use it to monitor reactions
to certain words.

Words control
our lives, Lieutenant.

If we let them.

That's why we
encourage our people

to learn a secret word.

To fight off
all the other words.

Do you have a secret word?

No, I don't think so.

Do you have one, sir?

Of course, Lieutenant.

My very own.

I'll be right down.

It's about your late wife, sir.

Lorraine?

I guess it's mostly
about the dogs,

and that telephone call
just before Dr. Hunter died.

I can't get it
out of my head

that someone wanted
the dogs to kill.

Lieutenant, I can't...

You could've been
the target, sir.

An enemy.

Someone who wanted
to get rid of you.

Something went wrong
and Dr. Hunter killed instead.

That's incredible nonsense.

Not if you consider
your wife.

The automobile accident,
her car going off a cliff.

The investigators,

they still can't figure out why.

Is there someone

who hated you
and Mrs. Mason enough

to see you dead?

Do you really believe that?

Well, sir,
I can't say that I do.

It's just that we have
to consider every side.

You do that very well.

You're a fascinating man,
Lieutenant.

To a psychologist, sir?

You pass yourself off
as a puppy in a raincoat.

Happily running
around the yard,

digging holes
all over the garden.

Only, you're laying
a minefield

and wagging your tail.

It's just the job, sir.

It makes us look that way.

We'll discuss it sometime.

Your whole personality.

Oh, I would enjoy that, sir.

Well, I guess most people,

they like to hear
about their personalities.

I mean, especially
from an expert.

Lord knows I do.

I can sit and listen

to someone talk
about me for hours.

I'll be running along sir.

You don't have
any time now, sir, do you?

No, no, please, look,
I'm really very busy.

Sorry.

Eric?

Dr. Mason is lecturing
tonight, miss.

I'm sorry. I saw the light.

Miss Nicholls, there's
something I have to ask you.

In the kitchen.

I can't.
Not in there. Please.

We can try, miss.

I know how you feel.

But, kitchen,
that's just a word.

See, it's just a kitchen.

What I wanted to ask you is,

you heard
Dr. Hunter screaming.

Now, where was he
when you saw him?

There.

There.

And the dogs?

There.

What you heard,

was it just a scream,

or was Dr. Hunter trying
to say something?

Can you hear me up here, miss?

He... He was calling

for Eric.

He was calling
for his friend.

This hook, miss,

do you know
what it might be for?

No.

I've never noticed it.

And right after seeing that,

that's when you called
the police?

So I called
from the guesthouse,

on my own phone.

Thank you, miss.

You did very well.

I tried this phone
but it was dead.

Miss Nicholls, this spotlight.

Dr. Mason calls it
a baby spot.

He says he picked this up
last week,

but he couldn't have
bought it

in one of those
cinema buff stores.

It's got a lot of dirt
on it, you see that?

And his secretary says
he worked every day last week

and most of the nights.

Well, it was a weekend,
Lieutenant.

He always brought home
lots of junk

when he took the dogs with him,

like that
old hitching post.

Well, that makes sense,
miss.

There's a lot of
rust on this,

but you can
still make out.

It says, "Property
of Callaghan Film Ranch,

"Peach Tree, California."

There. You might try starting
your own collection.

I just might go there, ma'am.

Good night, Lieutenant.

Good night, miss.

Good night, sir.

Dr. Mason, sir?

I've been looking forward

to having that
psychological discussion

about my personality.

But this is not
the time or the place.

I... I was looking
for some reports

that Charlie was working on.

What brings you here,
Lieutenant?

Oh. Just looking around, sir.
Looking and thinking.

Thinking and looking.

In my work,
we call that gestalting.

Gestalting?

Trying to find the particular
out of the totality.

Looking for the one reality
that explains the whole.

I guess that's what
I've been trying to do

with this suit.

Dr. Hunter, he's got
a lot of suits,

but this is the only one
without a jacket.

Did he wear this one
much, sir?

I wouldn't know. We wear
blazers at the Institute.

Well, these are what I need.

Good luck, Lieutenant,

with whatever
you're looking for.

Right, sir.
I'll just stay on here and...

Gestalt a while.

Dr. Mason.

Could you tell me about

how Dr. Hunter was with women?

He was divorced
a few years ago.

I mean just
before he was killed.

Any special women
in his life?

Different women.
Nobody special.

I gather from your staff that
he was quite a ladies' man.

Well, that was the game
Charlie was good at.

Well, don't let me
hold you up, sir.

We'll still have that personal
talk sometime, Lieutenant.

If at first you don't succeed,

run away, Sigmund.
Run away.

Tonight?

Goodbye to all this.

Everything that's ever lived
has to die, Joanne.

Not like Charlie died.

Poor Charlie.

I could've made you happy.

Not after Lorraine.

Lorraine and Charlie.

All your grief for them
and nothing for me.

No more grieving, Eric.

Your wife and your friend,

they were lovers.

You never knew that.

What?

I saw them when you were
working at the Institute.

When Charlie came here.

And he took her to the places
they went together.

They were lovers, Eric.

You knew that

all the time

and said nothing?

You loved her so.

You mustn't talk of this,
Jo.

Never.

No one can know.

No one can ever know.

Excuse me, Miss Nicholls,

I thought I might find
Dr. Mason here.

Good evening, sir.

I hoped you might have
a little time.

Time for what, Lieutenant?

Do you think

we could find one single word

that dominates
your life, Lieutenant?

Well now that you
put it that way, sir,

I suppose there is one.

Then say the word.

Murder.

Well, that's simple enough.

Your work dominates
everything.

Doesn't everyone's, sir?

Only a fortunate few.

Now, I'm gonna say a word

and you tell me the first word
that comes into your mind.

Then I'll say another word,
and so on.

Murder.

Dogs.

Justice.

Work.

Mother.

Father.
Father.

Win.

Pain.

Fail.

Murder.

Word.

I'd say you had
a wholesome enough childhood.

And you're something of
an overachiever, Lieutenant.

But how did we get
from murder to word?

Well, it's those dogs, sir.

I keep coming back to

how maybe there's
some kind of a signal,

some kind of
a special attack word

that the dogs will respond to.

But then the dogs
would have to be trained.

The worst of it is

if someone did train the dogs,

they could dangle that word
right in front of me

and I wouldn't even
recognize it.

But the dogs would,
according to your theory.

Oh, yes, sir.

Yes, the dogs would
certainly react to the word.

But isn't there an order
for the dogs to be put away?

In 48 hours.

This is terrific wine, sir.

Judge Jacob Metzler handed
down the order yesterday.

I understand
he's a friend of yours, sir.

May we play the game again?

I'm sorry, the game?

The word game.

Only, this time I'll start.

Money.

Work.

Work.

Teach.

Elephant.

Tusk.

Wolf.

Dog.

Dog.

Kill.

Kill.

Charlie.

Wife.

Love.

Animal.

Hunt.

Trap.

Word game.

You're right, Lieutenant,
it's an excellent wine.

Well, thank you very much, sir.

I'll explain
to Mrs. Columbo

how my condition
is work-dominated.

Oh, I think
she might have guessed.

This gate, sir,
with that big letter "K."

I can't get it
out of my mind

that I've seen that gate
somewhere before.

It's your wife's favorite
movie, Lieutenant.

That's the gate
from Citizen Kane.

That's it, sir.

The opening shot
of the movie.

It's through the gate
to the big house.

And just a single light
in the window.

And the crystal ball.

Snowing
in the crystal ball.

And Charles Foster Kane
dies.

That's where it all begins.

With his last word,
"Rosebud."

The sled.

The one that's hanging
on your study wall.

If we go on like this, sir,

we'll be playing
the word game again.

Good night, sir.

That's some terrific gate.

Good night, Lieutenant.

Dog.

Dog.

Kill.

Kill.

Charlie.

Wife.

Love.

Animal.
Hunt.

Trap.
Word game.

Nothing.

What'd you expect,
Lieutenant?

We'll try it again
in the cage.

Murder.

Dogs.

Justice.

Win.

Pain.

Fail.

Mmm-hmm?
Yeah. One second.

Word.

Lieutenant, it's for you.
Judge Metzler.

I'd say you
had a wholesome enough childhood.

And you're
something of an...

It's Lieutenant Columbo,
Judge. Thanks for returning.

It's about those two Dobermans
and the death order.

I understand that
they killed a man,

but I'm not sure it was really
the dogs that killed him.

I can't prove anything, sir,
not without those dogs.

You better get out here,
Lieutenant.

That's quite a stunt,
isn't it, sir?

I mean, the way the dogs
go to the phone like that.

What the hell
are you playing at?

Oh, just my game, sir.

You're good at tennis
and word games.

And Dr. Hunter, he was
a winner with women.

This is my game.

He's my partner.

I call him Charlie.

Really? You have a morbid
streak, Lieutenant.

I should've suspected that.

It's as if
the dogs were trained

to be right there at the phone
when Dr. Hunter got that call

just before he was murdered.

And the murderer
had to be certain

that this was the only phone
that would ring.

May I show you, sir?

In the study?

You know, Judge Metzler
countermanded the order

on Laurel and Hardy.

That was very good luck
for us, sir.

You remember this phone
was disconnected.

That's so Dr. Hunter would
answer in the kitchen,

where the dogs came in.

Don't feel
you have to comment, sir.

It's just a theory.

Do you mind, sir?

I really enjoy the game
and I don't get much chance.

Would you care
to join me?

Oh, I found
this tennis ball, sir.

It's like the kind you use,

with dog tooth marks on it.

I found it out at the old
Callaghan Movie Ranch,

where you got
this baby spot, sir.

Yes I've visited Callaghan's.

That's where the murderer
trained his dogs, sir.

On the Western Street

with a hanging dummy, sir.
Made out of straw.

Just like the one
that's in there.

The same kind of straw, sir,

that the technicians found
in your kitchen that day.

And you know
what the murderer did?

He took a loudspeaker

and he put it
inside the dummy

to repeat the kill commands.

So that the dogs
would tear anyone apart

when they heard
that attack word.

If you'll just look
in that pocket there, sir.

You see this, sir?

That's what the murderer
dressed the dummy with,

out there on that
old Western Street.

I found that
when I went back there

to take a second look.

This is a torn piece from
Dr. Hunter's missing jacket.

So the dogs would
take the scent, sir.

To reinforce the kill command.

Doesn't that make sense
to you, sir?

Well, what does all this have
to do with me, Lieutenant?

Well, Charlie died
in your house.

The dogs are your dogs.

14 ball, sir.

And then,
there's your wife.

If you'll just look
in that pocket, sir.

Dr. Hunter and your wife.

It must have been one of
those time-delay snapshots.

There's a whole bunch
of photos just like that

in Dr. Hunter's desk.

Maybe that's how you found out

about their affair, sir.

And you picked up
those photographs

that day that I was
in Dr. Hunter's apartment.

Only, I took this one
first, sir.

Before you got there.

You play a first-rate
game, Lieutenant.

Well, my father taught me, sir.

So that was the motive.
Their affair.

That's why you killed
your wife, Dr. Mason.

I can't prove that.

I can certainly prove
that you killed Dr. Hunter.

Not without the kill command,
Lieutenant.

Oh, that won't be
necessary, sir.

It was really
a very simple case.

Starting with that
kitchen phone, sir.

Because you're the one
that called Dr. Hunter.

You claim you were
at your physician's

having your heart examined,

which was true.

Your electrocardiogram, sir.

Just before 3:00,

your physician left you alone
for a resting trace.

At that moment,
you were lying down

in a restful position

and you heart showed
a calm, slow, easy beat.

Look at this part,
right here.

Lots of sudden stress.

Lots of excitement.
Right here at 3:00,

your heart beating
like a hammer

just before the dogs attacked.

Oh, you killed him
with a phone call, sir.

I'll bet my life on it.

A very simple case.

Not that I'm
particularly bright, sir.

I must say
I found you disappointing.

I mean, your incompetence.

You left enough clues
to sink a ship.

Motive, opportunity.

And for a man
of your intelligence, sir,

you got caught
in a lot of stupid lies.

A lot of them.

Laurel. Hardy.

I think you deserve the
whole package, Lieutenant.

The total picture.

Everything to make
your case complete.

Oh, I think
I've made my case, sir.

Watch the dogs.

Rosebud.

Rosebud!

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Okay, that's it.
Okay, that's it.

Now, when I say
that's it, that's it.

All right, one more kiss
and that's it.

All right, that's it, fellas,
that's it.

Is that what you call
a conditioned response, sir?

The way you just turned
those dogs on me?

You knew the command.

The point is, sir,
you knew the command.

I didn't know it.
I just heard it.

It was on this tape machine.

You see this, sir?

That's what they call
a voice-operated control.

When this
is attached to this,

like this

and somebody talks,
it switches on automatically.

Now, I had this in my pocket,
that night a few weeks ago

when you and I played
the word game.

And I played that
for the dogs.

And just by accident, sir,

they heard that part where you
and I stood out by the gate

and talked about...

Citizen Kane.

And Charles Foster Kane dies.

And
that's where it all begins.

With his last word,
"Rosebud."

Laurel and Hardy,
they went crazy.

And then, there was
this lady dog trainer.

And she knew
how to deprogram the dogs.

So now,

instead of killing
when they heard the word,

they kissed.

It's like trading one conditioned
response for another.

You understand, sir.

Can I try this again, sir?

Very good, Lieutenant.
Remarkable, really.

You take control very well.
All the way.

I'd swear you'd taken my course.

Oh, no, sir. Oh, no, never.

It's just that I enjoy
the pleasure of the game.

I wonder how
W.C. Fields did it.