Yu-Gi-Oh The Abridged Series (YGOTAS): Episode 18 - Turn Around, Bright Eyes

Let it be known that Abridged Pegasus is officially straight (!!!), and that the Millennium Gaydar was actually pointing at his right-hand man, Croquet.

I know, it's shocking.

My grandpa's deck has served me well.

But if I'm going to beat Pegasus,

I'm going to have to remember everything

Gramps ever taught me about card games.

Playing card games is just like making love.

You usually do it on a table,

and you always feel deep shame when it's finished.

Also, the older you get,

the less fun it is.

So remember, always wear a condom

when playing card games.

Hm. I should probably wash my
hands before using these.

["Wollt ihr das Bett in Flammen sehen?" - Rammstein]

The final round of the Duelist Kingdom
tournament shall now commence.

Will Yugi Moto please enter the duel arena?

["You're the Best" - *The Karate Kid* soundtrack]

I'm bored.

Hush, Tristan.

This crappy tournament'll be over soon.

Hey, Joey, let's ditch Tristan and Bakura.

D'uh, okay.

I can't believe they just ditched us like that.

I mean, you'd have to be a total jerk
to walk out on someone when--

Hey, where are you going?

I'm ditching you too.

Because you smell.

Bye!

Run while you can, mortal.

Soon, I will rule the world.

And then we'll see who smells.

It'll be you.

And now, introducing the creator of card games.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you...

Mr. Maximilion Pegasus!

Excellent.

Soon, my evil plan to steal an object
from a small child will be complete.

You mean you arranged this whole tournament
just to steal my Millennium Puzzle?

Exactly.

Did you even consider just asking me for it?

I mean, do you have any idea how much time and money you've wasted with this whole façade?

People have died because you wanted a necklace!

I killed a gay clown, for Ra's sake!

Look, are you going to play a children's
card game with me or not?

I suppose I might as well.

This heavy suit of armor is perfect
for sneaking around.

[armor clanging]

Did I hear something just now?

Nah, must've been the wind.

Yeah, that's definitely the sound that wind makes.

My voice gives me super strength!

But it also helps that I'm wearing a suit of armor.

Hey, it's Mokuba.

If I rescue him, then I'll be a hero,

and Joey's bootylicious sister will be all over me.

Score!

[phone ringing]

Yes, what is it?

There's been a breach.

Mokuba Kaiba has escaped.

I thought I told you never to call me at this number.

But I miss you.

It feels like we've grown so far apart.

That's because I don't love you anymore.

Sounds like Tristan found Mokkuba.

I think I'll pay him a little visit.

Hehehehe.

Where do you think you're going, limey-boy?

Um, I have to go do British things.

Like...drink cups of tea and eat bangers and mash.

That sort of thing.

Because I'm British.

Oh, okay.

Look! I think something exciting is happening!

Blah blah, card games blah.

Blah blah blah, attack mode blah.

Blah blah blah?

Blah!

Oops, my mistake.

We've got you surrounded.

Now, give the boy to us.

Over Mokuba's dead body!

Lay one finger on the boy,

and you mortals will rue the day

you were ever born!

Bakura, don't be a hero!

They have invisible guns!

And we're not afraid to use them.

Well, I have something far more
powerful than invisible guns.

There's no such thing?

Why don't you see for yourself, then?

Well, what do you know, he was right.

Now I just feel silly.

Bakura, I had no idea you were Spider-Man.

That's because I'm not.

Now, follow me.

We have to get out of here.

You mean...you're not Spider-Man?

No, I'm not.

Okay, yes, I'm Spider-Man.

Happy?

Now will you just follow me?

Hooray! I'm friends with Spider-Man!

Introducing the fabulous Toon Summon Skull!

["You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real)" - Sylvester James]

It's like something out of H. P. Lovecraft.

Only gay!

"Is he strong? Listen, bud

He's got radioactive blood

Look out! There goes the Spider-Man!"

Oh, stop it.

You can't possibly win, Yugi-boy.

With my Millennium Eye, I can see
into the very recesses of your mind.

Showing me every card in your deck.

He's right, we can't win like this.

Our only hope is to switch minds.

That way, he won't be able to predict our strategy.

Couldn't I just Mind Crush him?

You can't fix all your problems
by Mind Crushing people.

Oh, come on.

Just one little Mind Crush, it'll barely hurt him.

No, bad Pharaoh.

No Mind Crush.

You never let me have my way, do you?

And now, I'm going to take this
duel to the Shadow Realm.

See? This wouldn't be happening
if I had just Mind Crushed him!

Listen, mister, do you need a time out?

Hand over the boy, Tristan, or I'll swallow your soul.

But why?

Ever since Yugi defeated me in a duel,

I've been looking for a new body.

One without a soul.

Mokuba's should do just fine.

But why?

Because I'm evil.

But why?

I don't know, I'm just evil.

What do you expect?

But...why?

Well, I suppose my parents never loved me enough.

They were always dressing me like a girl.

Do you know they wanted to call me Florence?

Who names a boy Florence?

Idiots, that's who.

And I'll tell you another thing--

Look out, flying Mokuba!

What the deuce?

My voice knows kung fu!

Oh, bugger.

And now to defeat the evil villain once and for all,

by throwing him carelessly in a random direction.

Go, Millennium Frisbee!

Nooooo!

Twinkle.

I'm bored again.

My nipples are sensing that Yugi is in great peril.

Mine too.

Hey, guys, you'll never guess what I've been doing.

We don't care.

Your mind shuffle strategy won't
work against me here, Yugi-boy.

That weak body of yours can't
survive in the Shadow Realm.

He's right. I can feel my life force being drained away.

It's like I'm watching an Uwe Boll movie.

Spirit, you have to take over for me.

I'm...too weak.

Oh, come on, you can take him.

No, really, I think I might be dying here.

Don't be such a drama queen.

Spirit...tell Téa...I love her.

No! Yugi!

You can't be dead!

If you were dead, then 4Kids would have censored it!

Yugi! Yugi!

["Bright Eyes" - Art Garfunkel]

Holy crap!

Nyeh!

I'm hungry!

I felt a disturbance,

as if Yugi cried out in terror,

and was suddenly silenced.

He needs our help.

Remember the friendship pact
we made in the first episode?

How could we forget?

It took weeks to get that stuff off my hand.

Yugi, wherever you are,

we believe in you.

Never give up,

no matter what happens.

And could you possibly bring me something to eat?

Maybe some french fried potatoes?

Poor Pharaoh-boy,

Without Yugi, your mind is an open book.

Now, let's see what card you're holding.

What in the name of Liberace is happening?

Yugi's friends--

they're stopping me from reading his mind!

This is inconceivable!

Not to mention extremely cheesy.

Pegasus!

You'll never understand the importance of friendship.

As long as Yugi has us,

he'll always have the strength to fight.

I'm just here for the food.

And now I summon LittleKuriboh imposters!

No! There's so many of them!

I can't tell which one is the original!

And that means you'll never be able to
watch the abridged series ever again.

No!

I can't live without *Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series*!

It's so important to me.

Don't worry, Pegasus,

there's always *Naruto: The Abridged Series*.

But as everyone knows, that's just not quite as good.

Oh no!

Yug, you won!

I mean, you really--

Back off, he's mine!

Um, Yugi, I just have this one thing to say.

"Did you ever know that you're my hero?"

Yeah, thanks Téa.

Anyway, we should probably go.

"'Cause you are the wind beneath my wings."

Okay, I'm done.

Let's go rescue Grandpa.

Hey!

How the bloody hell did I get up here?

And what in the name of buggery
happened to my Millennium Ring?

I threw it away, because it was evil.

That was a prized family heirloom, you giant wanker!

But it was evil!

If Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees
got married and ahd a baby,

your ring would be the baby!

Freddy would never marry Jason.

Besides, Freddy's already married.

To his job.

Now that Pegasus is weakened by his duel with Yugi,

it'll be the perfect opportunity
to steal his Millennium Eye.

By the way, if you're wondering how
I managed to get my ring back,

then I'm just as confused as you are.

Watch out, Pegasus.

Florence is back!

[*Spider Man* Theme]

Threaten my people with slavery and death?!
[From 300]

This is madness!
[From 300]

Madness.
[From 300]

THIS IS SPARTA!
[From 300]

I told you we should have used
the visible guns, but nooo.

You had to have the INvisible guns,

because they're maaagical and ooooh.

Yeah, way to kick a guy while he's down, Greg.

Maybe if we had an invisible tank.

Oh, shut up.

Just shut up.