Breaking Bad Habits

I'm very glad to see you again.
Thank you for all the help that you've been providing to me and to a lot of people.
Definitely your wisdom is very much well accepted.
I'm doing pretty pretty much good lately and at times I feel a lot of equanimity, really a lot of peace but there's always a voice behind like that.
I'm afraid to, to go back to my habits and even that I improve a lot there are still moments that I still fall back and you know, it's with less intensity but,

but there's a certain kind of frustration when that happens you know and you know, the practice has been incredible.
Most of my, how can I explain maybe most of my mental afflictions has been at ease a lot.
A lot of work definitely is by, you know, by going and reflecting and reflecting and I feel much better.
But now that I'm feeling this kind of

in some way, let's call it equanimity I've been possibly a few weeks feeling very good.
There's always a nervousness that I going to fall to my habitual patterns and in some way I think that that's kind of a little negative thinking.
But it is so difficult to break these habitual patterns.
Why is it so difficult? Simply simply asking,

has your relationship with your daughter improved a lot or have you been able to kind of let go of some of the issues that was hanging over that relationship?

That's great someone to ask you a question.

So what would it be easy? Which one would be easier actually trying something for the first time and succeeding at it or maybe you know, going back to something that you have succeeded before and trying it again and succeeding.

Sometimes it's more difficult to go back and review all these patterns and negative stuff.
Sometimes it's a little easier but let's call it easier to go through new things.
But still there's some kind of difficulty in that too but it's a better.

So you had to deal with a lot of issues before, right

and then you say you've gotten a lot better.
You can maintain ecuanimities and you went through a lot of practice, a lot of effort to get there.

So even if what you are concerned comes true and you go back to what you experienced previously.
Even so would you be better off knowing what you know and having the capacity you do or you'd be just as worse as before.

I'm better off knowing what I know.
Now definitely I'm much better off you know and in some ways very glad that whatever I did to, to overcome this kind of mental attachments so glad that I went through the work because I definitely feel that I'm better off like this.

So basically the point I'm trying to make Rafeel is that you started off at minus 10 for example and then you worked yourself all the way up to plus 10 and even if you relapse, right as you are concerned, you won't relapse all the way to minus 10 right you'll relapse maybe to minus five.
So if you stay, you know, if you restart that minus 5, then getting to plus 10 or even 15, it is going to be an easier journey.
So what I'm trying to say is that even if you relapse

that it's not as bad as previously and you have already built that capacity to bring yourself back up.
So there's no reason for you to be concerned

you got any new car.

So obviously you want to be as mindful as possible of yourself.
So you do not relapse to minus 10 or negative regions.
But having said that, you should not be scared of relapsing because now you know, have proven to yourself that you can come back.

So I'm saying that you should not be scared one you won't relax

and even if you do, it's going to be easier for you to come back.
So there's no big problem.

So ultimately what I'm trying to say is that there's nothing there for you to be afraid of.

Thank you Sonim. I really get the point.
You are right and positively, you know, there's, I cannot say that it's greediness but definitely I understand by experience now that even when I relapse in some kind of a mental affliction or attachment to some of these habitual patterns, the intensity is much more or less.
And I definitely agree with you that from minus stand possibly I work up to 10 and I,

I agree you are right I experiencing that already.
It's good that you mentioned because I do fall but I don't feel that I fall that deep anymore.
So it's good to know. Thank you very much.

So the fear comes because you are attached to that state of positivity.
You should just observe that you are in a good state and you are maintaining equanimity in peace of mind instead of being attached to that state

because our mind is always dynamic it's always moving

and just because you are in a good state now you can't try to grab onto it

all you can do is just observe it as it fluctuates it moves in dynamic ways

and the fear comes from your attachment and your desire to hold on to that good state.

The first thing you need to do is not attach yourself to obsess over the current of

and second, it is for you to realize that even if you go back, it's not something for you to be afraid of.