Chris Rock - Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson lost his mind.

What the hell is wrong with Michael?

Another kid?

Another kid?!

I thought it was Groundhog Day
when I heard that shit.

[Laughter]

Another kid. Get the F outta here.

Yo, that's how much we love Michael.

We love Michael so much,

we let the first kid slide.

[Laughter]

Another kid! I'm fuckin' done.

I'm done with Michael.

I'm been a fan my whole life.

I am fuckin' done.

I handed in my glove. Okay.

I saw Michael on "60 Minutes."

Ed Bradley tried his best

to make Michael look like a mammal.

[Laughter]

Somebody that drank water,
and breathed air. Right?

He gave Michael the easiest questions
in the world,

the easiest G. E. D. questions,
in the world.

And Michael could not pass the test.

It's like: "Uh, Michael.

Do you think it's proper

for a 45 year old man

to sleep in a bed

with 13 year old boys?"

[Laughter]

"YES!"

[Laughter]

"Okay, okay.

Uh, let me rephrase that."

[Laughter]

"Uh, Michael.

Would you let your children

sleep in the bed

of a 45 year old man,

that's been accused
of child molestation?"

"Yes!"

[Laughter]

Ed Bradley looked at Michael Jackson

like he wanted to say:

"N*****, is you crazy?!"

[Laughter]

Like he wanted to take
the "60 Minutes" clock,

and push the shit forward,

and say: "Get the fuck off my show!"

[Laughter]

"I thought you said it was 60 Minutes."

"It's 10 Minutes. Get outta here!"

"Ya nutty N*****! What the fuck
is wrong with you?!"

I'm done with Michael, man.

You see Michael go to court?

MFer come to court 20 minutes late.

What kind of black man

gonna come to court 20 minutes late?

This ain't "Barbershop 2!"

[Laughter]

This is court, MFer!

Shit!

And he don't even wear
a real suit to court.

Coming in there, looking like
Captain Crunch.

[Laughter]

Who was your lawyer, Frankenberry?

Better take your black ass
to Banana Republic

and get you a decent suit.

[Laughter]

The fuck is wrong with that boy?

I'm done with f'in Michael. What the - ?

Another kid?!

That's like another dead white girl
showing up at OJ's house.

[Laughter]

And OJ going,
"I know what you're thinking."

[Laughter]

Michael Jackson going to jail.

It's gonna be a

saaaaad sight

when Michael Jackson goes to jail.

Oh, we going to shed a tear

when Michael Jackson go to jail.

And it ain't even gonna be sad

the day he go in.

It's gonna be sad like a month later.

When that perm grows out of his hair,

[Laughter]

the shit is all nappy, and gray.

When his makeup is all fucked up.

So he don't got the Crayola people
to fix his face no more.

[Laughter]

That's a fuckin' sad-ass sight.

Remember when we all used to

have those arguments

about who was better:

Michael Jackson, or Prince?

PRINCE WON.

[Laughter, cheers]