-
[Phil] Coming up
[beep]
-
[@dairiqueen] Do I wanna know what
Dan's been doing?
-
P: I'm a gay dragon. [both laugh]
-
D: As we know, I have clearly taken a
break from regular YouTube uploads.
-
P: I don't quack a penis.
-
P: This has been a project that we've
been working on since.. 2017?
-
[Dan] I want balls in the bath.
-
D: (small cough sound)
-
(beep)
-
[Phil] This was broadcast live on Stereo
who have sponsored Phil and Phriends!
-
Thanks guys. It's on the app store and
Android for free
-
and you can listen back to any
of my shows on there,
-
and at 9pm {UK} after this video
goes up, I'll be hanging out on
-
there with Dan for an exclusive
after party! [party popper]
-
So, you can click the link below to either
join in or listen back.
-
[exciting music]
P: He's here,
-
He's alive,
-
It's my very special guest.. It's Dan!
[happy dramatic music]
-
D: Hi! I thought- you missed the here,
queer, existential fear thing.
-
P: Aw! I should've gone with that!
-
D: You said I'm alive, as if that's
a surprise.
-
P:It might be a surprise! Some people
haven't seen your face, they might think
-
you're like half Dan, half robot
[robot sound effect] like what happened?
-
D: Am I alive? P: I don't know.
D: That's the real question.
-
Was I ever alive? Maybe this whole
time I've always just been a figment
-
[Phil gasps] of Phil's imagination
and this is actually quite a sad story.
-
P: Don't say that.
-
D: On that note, hi, it's a pleasure to
be back, thanks for having me buddy.
-
P: Yeah and hey to everyone that's
joining us on Stereo, welcome to the show!
-
It's good to (D: Welcome to the shizzle)
see your little faces popping up,
-
lots of bubbles.
-
D: Not only are we saying hi to a camera
right now, but we're saying hi to a phone.
-
P: We are. [dramatic sound effect] We've
got a whole shenanigan happening.
-
D: Which is why we're wearing earbuds
right now, we're not being rude.
-
P: This is what cool people do, they just
wear an earbud at all times.
-
P: [pretending to talk into earbud]
Check that. Copy.
-
P: Um, I just wanna give a content
warning for Dan because you know,
-
his mouth is filled with soil.
-
D: How- okay. (P laughs)
I think that's fair enough
-
I mean, if it's on YouTube, I'm guessing
you'll censor this with quacks (P: Yeah) and stuff
-
but, I mean God knows what I'm gonna say.
-
P: Do you wanna just get your first swear
out of the way, just so we're prepared?
-
[dramatic music]
(Dan making straining sound)
-
Penis. (P: That's fine)
Don't know why I like, squeezed
-
P: You're allowed to say penis, that's
fine. I don't quack a penis.
-
D: Penis, [quack sound effect]
[woof sound effect] What?
-
P: No!
-
[@heraceres] Hi, oh my god, we missed
you so much.
-
P: They missed you.
D: They're just talking about you.
-
P: No- (both laughing)
-
D: Like, who's- who's that rat sat
right there.
-
P: I hope y'all had a nice festive seez.
-
(D: Mm.) We had an interesting one,
I mean, it was-
-
D: You said "I hope y'all had a nice fes-"
Okay firstly what is that phrase?
-
(P: I don't know!) Secondly, Phil,
[deep voice] it's 2020. (P: Yeah.)
-
D: Ain't nobody having a nice
[mumbling] anything.
-
P: I'm tryna spread some positivity!
-
D: Yeah this is the single vibe that we
get at the end of the year.
-
- [Dan makes small cough sound]
- P: Vibe
-
P: So, it was more of a Zoom-mas (D: Mm)
but we did exchange some gifts.
-
D: We did. P: Yeah! I got Dan a new
jumper, which he's wearing now,
-
not that I forced him to wear it, but-
-
D: No, Phil did not all force me to wear
the sweater that he got me for Christmas.
-
P: (menacing) Wear the sweater.
-
It's a black and white sweater with bears
(D: On brand) but there's a sneaky little
-
yellow bear in the corner.
[meow sound effect]
-
I'm tryna get Dan to wear colour in 2021.
-
D: Are you? P: Yeah.
D: (laughing) Good luck with that.
-
P: This is the first stage,
-
D: You haven't commented
on my Stereo avatar.
-
P: It looks like you, I think-
(D: Oh does it?) I think you got the
-
- P: curls there
- D: Thanks I was going for that.
-
P: Although your hair, like what happened
to your long flowing lockdown hair?
-
P: Where did it go?
D: My- my medium length hair?
-
P: Yeah I was excited you were gonna
go all the way!
-
D: Everyone was so sad about that, yeah.
-
I mean it's not cause I was- I was trying a
different style, I couldn't get a haircut.
-
That- that was the thing. It got to that
length where I really had to commit to it
-
for a bit longer to make it work (P: Yeah)
and, it was physically upsetting having
-
this much hair touching my ears, I mean
anyone that's had long hair and then cut
-
it all off will be like (sad laughing) my
ears, they're finally free!
-
And then, that brief window, when the
lockdown eased, a couple months ago,
-
I was like snip!
P: Snip snip!
-
D: So here we are.
-
P: Well, now you're regretting it, cause
now it's cold in London,
-
you could've had little muffs
on your ears, made out of hair.
-
[fail sound effect]
D: Less about the hairy muffs, Phil.
-
P: (indignant) Well you could! So-
D: I told you, I warned everybody.
-
P: I got Danny his jumper (D: Yeah)
Dan got me a whole box of-
-
D: Okay, right, so this is how well I
know Phil. Appreciation for this, okay.
-
P: A whole box of retro sweets!
[party popper and clapping sound effect]
-
which I'm so excited about. It looks like
a rat has been living in here cause I've
-
literally just been sat by the TV, gnawing
away at them.
-
D: When I opened this box, I did not
believe that half of these were real.
-
because I have never heard of any of them,
and Phil was like,
-
"Oh, it's whippy wobby dib dobbles! I
remember those when I was a child up North!"
-
P: Shut up. but yeah, he was- said I was
eating boomer sweets.
-
(D laughing) These are the fruit salads.
-
D: What the hell is a fruit salad?
P: I don't know.
-
P: Look (D: Yeah?) you should embrace
the culture of the past. (D: Okay.)
-
P: Also, I had some random memory of
bathing with bath pearls, and I was going
-
on about it to Dan, and then Dan actually
got me some bath pearls.
-
D: Cause I'm the kind of person that's
listening to random ranting and then makes
-
a note saying "Hey in 7 and a half months
I'll remember to buy Phil bath pearls
-
for Christmas. P: It's like a- it's like a
mini bath bomb, and when all my friends
-
were getting like football stickers, I was
like "Mum, can I have some bath pearls?"
-
It might've said something about me.
D: That's valid man. (P laughs)
-
D: Ain't no shame about that in 2020.
We are going forward saying (P: No)
-
get rid of those footballs, gimme the
bath ballls, I want balls in the bath.
-
P: Then my brother and Cornelia got
me a massive jar of Percy Pigs.
-
D: I hate this, if you d- what are
Percy Pigs?
-
P: Percy Pog.
D: For people that- [fail sound effect]
-
P (laughing): That was one of my
draft tweets, I never said it though.
-
They are Percy pog. They are basically-
D: Fu-udge. P: Sorry.
-
P: I thought I was gonna have my first quack
(D: Awh) but you saved yourself.
-
D: Good to know I shouldn't save myself
(P: Yeah) next time.
-
P: They're basically just pigs that are
sweets and they taste like dreams.
-
P: Let's move on to our first topic
of the day, which is going to be-
-
D: Wah-wah
P: 2020! [kids cheering sound effect]
-
D: What was that about? P: I shouldn't
really even say it like that, should I?
-
D: No you d- take that again?
P: (serious) 2020. [fail sound effect]
-
[sad dramatic sound effect]
D: (sad) 2020?
-
P: Yeah. D: (fake throw up sound) 20-
(fake throw up sound) 20. [dramatic music]
-
P: I wanna know about your 2020 fails.
D: It's been a terrible year (P: Yeah)
-
for everybody globally. Uh, well you
spent about two months massaging
-
the Tesco deliveries with uh, hand
sanitiser. (P laughs)
-
That's a vivid memory. That's funny
in hindsight.
-
P: Hey, I mean, you have to- I was quite
paranoid (D: You were) they were like
-
"wash everything!"
-
- D: Yeah, and you did.
- P: I was washing my hands, yeah.
-
D: It took about two hours (P: I was literally)
Phil was like (squirt sound) Mhm, yeah,
-
do you want a bit of aromatherapy? How's
the tension on this, mm, tube of Pringles?
-
P: I think you stopped me when I tried to
like, wash an apple with soap, and you
-
were like "Phil, that's too far."
D: Yeah. P: Yeah. D: No, don't do that.
-
D: Wait, this reminds me of the- the thing
that happened, do you remember in Manchester?
-
P: What? D: You got- no, you recognised
the Tesco delivery.
-
P: What are you talking about? Dan, why-
(laughs) why would you bring that up?
-
D: We don't need- we don't need to, uh
(P: Oh my god) expand upon that.
-
P: Well we do cause everyone's now like
what? Okay, so the Tesco came, right,
-
And then (laughs), the g- the guy
deliv- D: Oh, go on then, Phil.
-
P: -the guy delivering it looked really
familiar, okay, so I was like,
-
"I'm sure I know you from somewhere!"
which wasn't me like, hitting on the
-
Tesco guy, I was just being like-
D: This was like a cool looking young man
-
P: He was like an e- like an emo
looking guy. (D: Yeah) I was like,
-
"I know you from somehwere." And he was
like [deeper voice] "Ah, it's- it's (laughs)
-
"It's probably from the adult movies I'm in."
[boing sound effect]
-
And I was like, "What no! I don't
recognise you from that! I just-
-
you've got a familiar face. He, was like-
gave me those eyes that's like
-
"Sure buddy I know where you've seen me."
D: Places we've been, there. Okay, well,
-
if Phil said that, y'all can say anything.
(P: Don't look at me) Have we got
-
somebody sending in a message?
P: Okay, let's see.
-
D: Let's see if you can top that.
-
P: I don't think you can.
D: Literally.
-
[@heidiesel] 2020 just happened to be the
year that I actually had to start wearing
-
glasses. 2020 vision is not it for me.
Both: Ohhh [airhorn sound effect]
-
D: Get out, get out, get- throw that phone
across the room right now, I'm not
-
interested, how dare you? Although to be
honest, if you've actually not been able
-
to see your whole life and then you have,
that's quite a profound moment (P: Yeah)
-
and Phil shares your pain. (P: I do)
Even if he uh- doesn't quite share your
-
diSTUNGINg sense of humour that we
don't support.
-
P: Thankfully, I've levelled out now, so
I'm not going full mole though (D: Yes)
-
maybe I will, there's still time.
-
D: I mean, it's been a problematic year
for most people (P: Yep) I would say that,
-
you know, um, as introverts originally
there was that novelty that was like,
-
(P: Ooo) "maybe I'm meant for this, it's
kind of okay." I- that has gone. I'm no
-
longer like, "haha, xD, I never went
outside anyway," I have never wanted
-
to go outside so much you have no idea.
(P: Yeah) If I could go, to a park and see
-
a person I'd be like "LICK ME!
(P laughs) CARRESS ME! (P: Lick me?)
-
I WANNA JUMP INTO A SEA OF PEOPLE!
The introvert within me has died.
-
So, yeah, I've found the limit of
that for sure.
-
P: Maybe a- you could just see a goose
that could lick you rather than a human.
-
D: That- that might maybe make more sense.
But yeah, I've missed people, I've missed
-
going outside, and that is so weird that,
yeah, okay, well done 2020,
-
I guess you broke me.
-
P: That is quite weird, I've been quite
sad cause I couldn't see my family, like, I-
-
D: How long has it been?
P: It's been since my birthday last year
-
so almost a year since seeing
my mum and dad in person, which,
-
if I think about too much I get quite
emotional, so I won't go down that road,
-
but- D: It's been a year.
P: It's been a challenge, and I have
-
little sads about it but then I just Zoom
them or Face Time them or something.
-
D: I mean my whole mysterious-
P: People have it worse. Both: Yeah
-
D: my mysterious plans for the year just
got indefinitely delayed (P: Yeah) cause
-
it turns out you can't do certain things
when more than one person can't
-
be together, so, yeah, it could've been
worse for both of us but it wasn't ideal.
-
P: D'y'know these mysterious plans, it's
so funny that I know what they are and
-
I'm so desperate to say something about it
D: Ah, you just wanna- you wanna spoil it,
-
do you? P: I've got that feeling like-
D: We'll get to that later!
-
D: Um, something that I've seen a lot of
people complaining about is, uh, how I
-
don't have any clothes at the moment
cause everything I've done on Instagram
-
(P: Mm) has been like one stripy t-shirt
and one stripy jumper.
-
There is a reason for that. (P: Yeah)
Okay. I'm not just being weird,
-
and, it may all be- it's the reason why
all our furniture has been on shuffle
-
seemingly. P: What, what's it been doing?
-
Well, we're moving! [kids cheering]
Surprise! (both laugh)
-
D: It's more exciting than that.
P: It's not just that.
-
[drum roll] D: Life update, are you ready
for this everybody?
-
We have bought a house!
[happy dramatic music]
-
P: Dun dun dun!
-
D: It's official, not like the last
time that we tried and then they
-
said that there was a dead body (P: Yeah)
and then we got scared and then we didn't,
-
(P: Yeah) this time successfully.
P: It's the real deal.
-
D: Boom. How's that?
P: Yeah. House that? [ba dum tiss]
-
(P laughs) P: Um, so, this has been a
project that we've been working on
-
since 2017. D: It is a new build,
and that means that, other than the
-
outside, which we couldn't change, we
have designed the entire thing from
-
the ground up. (P: Yeah) We really
have every single thing.
-
P: We haven't had any spare time
because every minute of spare time
-
has been working on the house,
D: Uh, yeah, it turns out that's quite
-
a big job (P: Yeah) so it's been like
a part time job that we've had for
-
about three years now, cause this was
something that we decided in?
-
P: Before tour 2, or during tour 2.
D: Yeah, we did it in 2017 because
-
we were told, and had genuinely planned
(P: Yeah) to have to move into a new house
-
dangerously maybe in the middle of
Interactive Introverts. (P: Yes)
-
Turns out, (P: It took longer.)
missed that quite a bit.
-
P: So all of our stuff is in boxes and
has been for the last four months or
-
something? D: We have- the Dan and Phil
games room is a cubic, like, block of
-
boxes that is literally filled to the
entire ceiling, (P: Yeah) and it's
-
leaked into every other room. (P: It has)
We're basically living in a Harry Potter
-
cupboard right now, (P: We are)
but that's fine.
-
P: It's really exciting, we've got
enough room there to work and also live,
-
We've designed the floor plan-
D: Which- which is important.
-
I don't think we'll be sharing like
"Here's our house tour, welcome to our
-
front door, come on in!"
D: Yeah I don't- P: Yeah
-
D: there's like the privacy angle (P: Yeah)
but then there's also, I don't know,
-
house tours, you don't want to look like
you're celebrating the materialism
-
too much. (P: No) cause it's not about
saying "Hey, look at all our stuff,
-
isn't stuff great?" I see that it's not
all like that, (P: Mhm) cause I like
-
watching house tours (P: Yeah)
from, like, an interior design perspective
-
(P: Hmm) I wanna know what stuff do
people have because it's a cute reflection
-
of their personality. P: But not like
literally everything.
-
D: What big choice did you make about
that yellow wall that you went for?
-
P: Now you're making me want to do
a house tour!
-
D: Um, but either way we're not
actually gonna be moved in for several
-
months, so (P: Yeah) don't expect that.
But yeah, that is a big, exciting thing
-
for both of us.
P: It's a big exciting thing.
-
We've got funny 2020 fails coming in,
let's have a listen! D: Bonjour.
-
[@ari.jpg] I've uh, got super into D&D
and it, uh, ruined my life, so.
-
(both laugh) D: So you actually started
role playing to escape from reality,
-
- D: I respect that.
- P: I mean, that sounds like the perfect
-
thing, just become an orc, live in a swamp.
D: Were you the dungeon or the dragon?
-
P: Yeah. Or both.
[silence]
-
p: That doesn't make sense. The
dragon in the dungeon.
-
D: And some- somehow I'm scared about
how we're gonna segway into something
-
dangerous sounding, so, uh, (P laughs)
I mean we already dropped the
-
role playing word. P: Yeah, we tried
to do Dungeons and Dragons once,
-
and I think I played for about 45 minutes
and I kept ruining it cause my character
-
was so crazy. (D: Yes, yeah.) I was like,
okay, I'm a gay dragon, I- (both laugh)
-
I breathe fire out of my wings, (D: Yes)
and they're like you can't be a dragon,
-
I was like I don't- that's what I wanna be.
(D: Yeah) They're like, "no Phil,
-
you can't do that." D: I'm the disowned
gay elf prince from a kingdom that has
-
one metal arm and they're like "Why are
making your character sound less successful?"
-
I went it's character building!
(P laughs) P: Yeah.
-
D: It's good role playing
(P: I like that we-) and then we
-
basically got kicked because we were
taking the piss.
-
P: We weren't taking it seriously (D: Yep)
and I couldn't commit to it.
-
[@willaisabully] So, in my 2020, I painted
my room and I realised right after
-
I painted it, that I hate the colour
that I painted it which is great. P: No!)
-
P: Now I'm just imagining like a weird
shade of brown.
-
D: So you were painting it, you did one
stripe and were like, "Yeah I like this decision."
-
You did several stripes and were like
"Mhm, yeah, still good."
-
Only when you had completely done it
were you like "It's gross." (both laugh)
-
P: It's too late now. D: I like that,
yeah, oh well, I guess I just have to
-
live with the pain. I hope we haven't
done that (P: Yeah) because um,
-
designing our place, we can't really
take back the choices that we've made.
-
P: We've made some good choices, one
wall is green, I like a green wall.
-
D: There is a green- are you leaking that
there is a green feature wall in our house?
-
P: Oh- I've leaked! There is a green wall.
Um, yeah.
-
D: There is a desk. P: There's a desk,
[fail sound effect] that's not a,
-
that's not a surprise! Oo, a desk!
D: I'm tryna be- I mean we're not that
-
extravagant Phil (P: No) I don't
know what to tell people.
-
D: I will be very sad to say goodbye
to Steve. P: Steven! And Scrag!
-
D: Because, during the weirdness that has
been 2020, it's been quite good to form an
-
emotional bond with this animal.
(P: Yeah) It has made me question,
-
do you think that pigeons, are smart
enough to have emotional bonds?
-
P: I think they're smart enough.
D: Don't wanna be that guy.
-
P: But also, whoever comes in next,
they're just gonna be, like a bird lover,
-
y'know? So we can just be like,
(D: Hopefully) "Hey, do you want-"
-
D: Do you mind feeding these diseased rat
birds every single day? (P: They- they'll-)
-
Cause they're gonna peck at your window,
because two weird freaks have been feeding
-
the diseased rat birds, (P: Yeah) every
single day.
-
P: I'm sure they'll agree, I'm sure it
will be fine.
-
[sad music] D: But looking at the little
face through the window
-
- D: it was- it was that bonding.
- P: Don't- don't remind me of Steve!
-
D: I will be said to miss them (P: Yeah)
you know, these are the transitional
-
periods of life.
P: Hey this is the time though,
-
if you're missing Steve, why not
get yourself a dog?
-
[high woof sound effect]
D: Oh you're just jumping in and
-
saying what every single person listening
is thinking right now?
-
P: Get a dog! D: All right, Dan and Phil,
life journey, you got a house, next up
-
dog, next up, you're gonna die of old
age, then it's gonna be- you're gonna have
-
your granddad- I mean your grandson,
and then your grandson's gonna move
-
to the city with his boyfriend and then
we're gonna watch their life and
-
boom, it's the Sims.
P: What th- you just confused me so much.
-
D: It's what people want, people want to
see life move fast (P: Oh right)
-
when they look up to these
public figures Phil.
-
P: Anyway, people are saying, get a dog
D: (splutters)
-
P: I still don't know if we have the
emotional responsibility to look after
-
a dog, we're trying with the house plants,
they're thriving more than they are,
-
but it's such a huge responsibility
and you've gotta take it seriously.
-
D: Responsibility? (P: Yeah) Okay, speak
for yourself, for you it's responsibility
-
(P: It is) to manage the life (P: Yeah)
for me it's the emotional investment
-
that scares me. (P: Oh yeah.)
-
D: I'm not going try and psychoanalyse
myself too deeply (P: Okay) as a person.
-
When we got the fish, I had anxiety
dreams about the fish for about a week.
-
(P: Yeah) Every single night, I had a
nightmare that this fish had flopped
-
onto the floor and I woke up like
(low scream, higher scream)
-
And this was a fish- people don't care
about these fish like I'm- I'm gonna
-
put it in a shoe. (P: Yeah) I'd give- given
this fish so much life.
-
I love this fish.
P: Stop.
-
D: Did so much for it, and the idea
of a dog, I don't know man.
-
P: I mean, (D: It scares me)
that is a thing, but also, you know
-
D: You can't be afraid, (P: You can't)
to live and love.
-
P: Yeah, I wanna love the little dog.
D: You need to open yourself to the dog.
-
P: Yeah. D: For you, you have to remember
to feed and walk the dog.
-
P: I do, I think I would. We almost
had the opportunity to get a dog,
-
cause we were approached by a TV charity
programme. D: This was weird.
-
P: Yeah, and it's a charity show where
they let people adopt a dog on TV,
-
which hopefully lets more people
adopt dogs, and we were so close to
-
considering it, but then we realised that
our new place wouldn't be ready in time.
-
D: Yeah, we were like we cannot move
(P: We cannot like-) move them into
-
a two foot room that is mostly filled
with boxes.
-
P: No, and this room- this- this place
is not allowed dogs in it anyway,
-
so we were like, sorry, we haven't moved
yet we can't have the dog. (D: Yeah)
-
P: Um, but that could have been a thing.
D: Who knows, maybe- maybe it can
-
in the future. P: Maybe, alas.
-
D: I mean, this place that we've been in,
like, do you remember the Dan and Phil
-
London apartment? (P: Yeah) We loved
that place! P: We did!
-
D: Until the gas leaks and the drills took
over. (P laughs) Where we are now was
-
always supposed to be a temporary solution
that never quite made sense, it's just that
-
the temporary solution ended up taking
three and a half years so.
-
P: It's been a three and a half year long-
D: C'est la vie. (that's life in French)
-
P: I've got used to it though, I'm quite
happy here, to be honest (D: Yes)
-
I'm not too sad.
-
D: Box. P: Box, box box.
-
- D: This is a box
- P: This is a box
-
- D: This is one of the moving boxes right here.
- P: You're on a box.
-
P: Uh, we've got another message-
-
[spa music] D: You are on a box, POV, you
are a box in Dan and Phil's lounge.
-
(P: Oh my god.) You are looking at Phil's
crotch. (P: Stop) There is a microphone
-
balanced on your head.
P: No one wants any of that.
-
P: So, we were talking about the Sims,
Dan, [dramatic pause]
-
what about the gaming channel?
D: Ye- P: What's goin' on?
-
What's happening? What about you?
What's the tea? Who are you?
-
D (sassy): What about you, bitch?
(P laughs) Why don't you tell us
-
what you're doing? (P: I wanna know,
everyone wants to know!)
-
Oo mysterious Phil (P: Where- what's Dan-)
we- we know you're doing a YouTube video
-
every two weeks, then what? (P: What's Dan-)
What's your 10 year plan Phil?
-
P: I've got- D: What you doing in the New Year?
P: I've got thoughts! (laughs)
-
D: Yeah, you have thoughts and things,
tell them! People wanna know.
-
P: No. I think everyone's more wondering
about you right now.
-
D: Uh, well as we know I have clearly
taken a break from regular YouTube uploads,
-
(P: Yeah) um, not that I ever, arguably,
had regular YouTube uploads. (P laughs)
-
I walked- walked right into that one,
didn't we? P: But what- what's the tea now?
-
D: This was- whoa, don't rush me.
P: Sorry. (laughs) D: This was an emotional
-
and spiritual, and personal growth
journey (P: Yes) that I chose to be on.
-
(P: Mm) Cause, you know, the gay video,
everything else, I really felt like, I hadn't
-
really had time to ask, "Who am I? What do
I want? What am I doing? (P: Yeah) Why?"
-
D: And, I'm in that period.
-
P: You're still in the pause period,
you're like-
-
D: Well I uh, there were supposed to be
a couple of things (P: That [??] happen)
-
and then, 2020 happened.
[drilling/rumbling sound effect]
-
Let's move on from 2020, shall we?
That's 2020. P: Yeah. That'd be a
-
funny topic, like what hAs Dan been doing?
Like if- D: You want to literally make
-
the Stereo question what has Dan been
doing? P: Yeah, no in a funny way, like
-
you say your (D laughs a lot) your funniest
guesses what Dan has been up to
-
(D: Excuse me?) P: during his break from
YouTube.
-
D: Dan moved to a (P: Dan) mysterious
ranch and has been milking goats
-
for an insidious master plan. That's gonna
be the first one.
-
[happy tropical music]
-
D: Um- P: Okay, there we go.
-
D: Look, I know that people miss me.
(P: Yes) And I appreciate that, and I
-
really value the fact that people support
and they care about me (P: Yeah)
-
not just like a "How are you Dan, what
are you up to," personally, (P: Mhm hm)
-
but that they express an interest
in wanting more content from me.
-
That makes me feel happy. (P: Yeah)
So I just wanna say, thank you to all
-
those people. (P: Awh) I know that I
could probably post more on Instagram
-
and Twitter- Instagram this year, (P: Yeah)
I mean, what has anybody done? It got to
-
that point where halfway through the year
where I was like, I don't do anything or,
-
I mean not I ever saw anyone (P giggles)
or did anything interesting,
-
but this year in particular (P: Yeah)
I'm inside. So I just posted that um,
-
[sexy music] questionable- if you put
that on the YouTube video, do you reckon-
-
P: That's gonna get me demonitised!
(both laugh) D: Do you reckon it would?
-
P: It might do, it might pick up on it!
It's a very sexy pose-
-
D: I had the wine glass in front of my
nipple for the Instagram.
-
P: Oh my god- D: Free the boob!
-
P: I had to be the photographer for that,
and we were tryna line this wine glass up
-
so hard. D: This was not- this was not a
sexy moment. P: It was not! (laughs)
-
D: It was sweaty and physically uncomfortable,
Phil was popping a squat for about an hour.
-
P: I was! D: But I think that was symbolic
in a way (P: Yeah) cause that- that's
-
just me, it said everything about the year,
it said everything about me as a person.
-
P: Yeah. D: What do you want?
-
P: Got some things "What has Dan been
doing?" coming in on Stereo. D: I'm ready.
-
[@henna] Dan has been napping.
-
(D laughs) P: Dan's been napping.
[party popper sound effect] D: I wish, oh my god!
-
P: Yeah, we've been deciding where every plug goes in our new room.
-
P: Yeah, we've been deciding where every
plug goes in a new room.
-
D: As well as my other things, which you would-
how would you describe my emotional state?
-
P: Uhh, busy is the emotional state, I've
never seen- D: You can use some descriptors,
-
what does my face look like at any given
moment?
-
P: Um, stressed but inspired.
-
- D: Thanks Phil, I'll take that, nice and vague.
- P: That's how I'd say it.
-
P: Don't tempt me, I'm gonna
say what it is.
-
D: What else?
-
[@phrikkenzazz.1] Hoarding
toilet paper!
-
D: I- how dare you, (P: Oof) I have not
been hoarding toilet paper, okay?
-
P: Yeah. D: In fact Phil's been hoarding
toilet paper from me!
-
P: I have, I've been stealing from
Dan's bathroom. It's like, I- (laughs)
-
D: He's laughing because the other day, I,
uh, yeah (P: Yeah) I had no toilet roll.
-
P: He had no toilet roll, it was awkward.
-
P: Um, I'm like a one sheet- I'm tryna be
a one sheet guy during this pandemic.
-
D: No one asked for this! (P: Not for-)
It's like, oh, I've really missed Dan and
-
Phil doing videos together (P: Sorry)
what will they talk about?
-
It's been (P: Toilet paper) utter filth.
P: Phil-th.
-
D: We've all become total degenerates,
I am sorry for dragging you down.
-
P: Yeah you've dragged everything down,
shall we get another one?
-
[@mykind_ofpeople] Goat yoga.
-
D: Goat yoga, hey! Except I saw a video
of someone getting peed on, so
-
I'm actually never gonna try that.
P: Oof! That's kinda funny though.
-
P: Maybe the pee would be- D: Funny to
watch, you think it'd be funny to be
-
peed on by a goat?
-
P: Hey, we tried to do yoga once and I
found it quite relaxing, but also,
-
the yoga teacher started playing really
sad movie soundtracks, so-
-
D: Oh my god! We were tryna do meditation
at the end (P: Yeah) and then a bloody song
-
from the TV show "The Leftovers" came on,
(P: Oh my god) and, it's one of those
-
TV shows that make you cry buckets.
(P: Yeah) And, if any of you listen to
-
songs that make you super emotional
(P: Yeah) something associated with a
-
TV show, and it just comes on during an
ambient playlist, we were like [crying]
-
P: I was doing a downward dog and just
fully crying onto the mat, and I was like
-
"Please just stop the music!"
-
D: I actually, in the middle of a yoga
session had to say,
-
[art by @possumnest on tumblr!]
"You need to turn the track
-
[art by @possumnest on tumblr!]
to the next one, now! (P: So awkward.)
-
[art by @possumnest on tumblr!]
and I won't explain why!
-
P: Yeah. D: But your hamstrings have been
getting a nice little extension.
-
P: Yeah, anyway, Dan. D: Yep?
P: So what's happening? What's the plan?
-
What's the plan Dan? D: Uh, well I mean
with the gaming channel, (P: Yeah)
-
we loved the gaming channel.
P: It was our baby.
-
D: Unlike dragging a camera around the
house for me to film sketches pretending
-
to be my own therapist or something,
(P: Yeah) the gaming channel was fun.
-
P: It was. D: I like playing video
games with you. P: Thanks.
-
D: The only issue with my personal growth
journey is it took quite a lot of time,
-
a Sims video was like (P: It was long) a 9
hour adventure. (P:Yeah)
-
So, you know there was no space in my
life to think about anything else (P: No)
-
and you wanted to think about other things.
P: I did too. D: So, we did it for several
-
years and we were like, let's just take
a pause (P: Mhm hm) to have some time to grow.
-
We haven't made some secret dramatic
decision (P: No) about secretly never
-
coming back, I'm just taking time,
maybe we'll return to it, (P: Yeah)
-
maybe we'll do streaming, Twitch stuff,
maybe we'll just do other things like
-
this in the future. (P: Yeah)
Hi! This is some-
-
- D: -nice joint content™ right now.
- P: This is something new.
-
P: We didn't know how long the pause
was going to be and we didn't
-
anticipate that, but at the moment it's
still like, we dunno, we're just like, exploring-
-
D: I'm just feeling out life man.
P: -what's going on.
-
D: But also, a funny thing about Dan and
Phil Games is, a lot of people enjoyed
-
watching Dan and Phil, but didn't necessarily
love video games, so they were like,
-
"Wow, I wish they did something else," so,
that's a possibility.
-
- P: It could, yeah.
- D: Who knows,
-
D: everything is up in the air, honestly.
P: Yeah.
-
D: Dan's just vibin'.
P: Yeah.
-
D: Let me- let me do my thing. See the
next couple things that I do, and then
-
I'll go (inhales) and breathe.
-
P: But hey you're here on this and also
on my YouTube channel, so that's like
-
a nice check in with Dan anyway.
(D: Hi) He's here, look at this.
-
- D: I'm alive apparently.
- P: He's here, he's alive.
-
D: (singing) Or is it all a figment of
Phil's sad mind? (P laughs)
-
P: I've noticed that you've done a lot of
photoshoots recently. D: Oh my god.
-
P: Like, a lot. D: Ugh!
-
P: Every time Dan's gone out, it's like,
(D: I hate it!) "I've got a photoshoot."
-
D: I have to! Okay, well two things right,
on, I- I'm doing a book, right, (P: Yep)
-
and you sign a contract, and you have
to promote it. (P: Yeah)
-
so I have to do press, and I have to do
all these photoshoots (P: Yeah)
-
and I don't have a say, and then all these
people keep calling me.
-
P: But, talking about a 2020 (Dan sighs) fail, can
we talk about the boot- the boot thing?
-
D: Why do you- P: It's so funny!
D: Is this funny? P: It's funny to me.
-
D: It was traumatising for me.
P: Okay, well Dan was doing
-
an Attitude shoot, which is the-
D: Attitude, a gay magazine. P: -the gay magazine.
-
P: I was wondering if you were gonna get
your ass out because I always associated
-
that with when I was like (D: Yeah) in
the closet, I'd be like,
-
- P: "Oo, look at that."
- D: The- these- these magazines
-
D: historically have been quite, uh, sexy.
P: It was quite a sexy mag.
-
D: I think that going future, they're
trying to, uh, focus less on the
-
cis, uh, gay man perspective (P: Yeah)
cause the queer community, it's not just
-
horny cis gay men in their mid-30s,
(P: Okay) so having the magazine just
-
full of full spread asses is maybe not
what the entire rainbow would appreciate.
-
P: So they've changed it.
D: They're tryna class it up a bit and
-
have some other people- I mean, part of
me was like, I want some attention, uh,
-
I want some horniness in the DMs.
(P laughs) Full ass. Dan ass reveal.
-
P: Oh my god.
D: Let's go right now.
-
D: But, no, um, so they did that.
P: Talk about the boot!
-
D: What can I- how can I say this?
P: They gave Dan some boots to wear.
-
D: It was not all under my control,
(P: Yeah) hashtag pink background.
-
Um, but, one thing that did really improve
my day was that they had this beautiful,
-
amazing, Alexander McQueen
jumpshoot.
-
D: Suit- jumpshoot?
P: (mocking Dan) Jumpshoot!
-
D: And some boots that went with it
and these were sick boots,
-
they were these black boots with a steel
cap and they went with the jumpsuit,
-
and it was really cool, and I was happy,
(P: Yeah) cause it looked like this
-
photoshoot was actually gonna be
an enjoyable experience, cause I hate
-
looking at myself posing, being caught in
photos, (P: Mm) just attention in general.
-
Weird, I know. And no human had ever put
on these incredibly tight, um, leather shoes.
-
P: No. D: There was like, uh you know,
20 awkwardly socially distanced people
-
stood in corners of the room with masks,
just stood in silence, waiting for me to
-
pretend to be a frickin weird model
for like five seconds (P: Yep)
-
And, basically, the shoe did not fit.
P: (laughs) It was like-
-
D: Uh, the shoe (P: -Cinderella) did not fit, at all,
and I actually spent about 20 minutes
-
trying to put this god damn shoe on.
P: But, imagine like, a photographer
-
waiting, loads of people waiting,
everyone's just watching. D: Where's Dan?
-
I'm behind a privacy screen in the corner
of the room,
-
- P: Just like, tryna get the-
- D: This is not dignified.
-
D: I am hopping- imagine you are half
naked hopping with a boot in a room
-
full of people that are going (P: Yeah)
"Where are you? What's happening?"
-
And I just couldn't honestly (P: Yeah)
I real- I wanted the boot, I wanted to
-
look cool in the boot, (P: Yep)
I wanted the ensemble dream,
-
I wanted for once in my life to look cool,
(P: Hmm) am I allowed to be cool once, ever?
-
No is the answer. P: You'd think not.
D: The universe just said no.
-
And then I, we just had to end up- I did
it in my socks, and they were like,
-
we're gonna have to photograph you from
the waist up. P: Awh. I think you should've
-
gone and got some butter and lubed up
your foot
-
- P: so you could've slid in.
- D: Honestly, that- I considered that.
-
D: I had a shoehorn, there were three
people with a shoehorn, trying to keep-
-
- P: Get the foot in the boot!
- D: you know, they were like [??] away from me
-
so we didn't breathe on each other.
-
P: I mean, you'd still have the boot on now.
D: Literally.
-
P: Um, so, so, you've done that photoshoot.
You've done like three interviews, like, what's-
-
D: I- leave me alone. P: Yeah
D: Leave, leave me alone.
-
P: And you did that YouTube billboard.
-
D: It was an honour, I mean, I just don't
enjoy getting dressed-
-
- P: No just, getting, getting dressed for it.
- D: [mumbles] photos of me.
-
D: The photos were really cool, they made
me remove the Apple logo from the laptop
-
which was very funny (P: Yeah) so it
looked like I was just working on a
-
mysterious steel slate, um.
P: At least there was no boot in that one.
-
D: But there we are, at the end of 2020,
YouTube is featuring me (P: Hmm?)
-
as a treasured creator on a billboard
in London.
-
P: Wouldn't you think that would mean,
they're still thinking about Dan?
-
D: Yeah, yeah, hint, one of the things
that I'm working on is YouTube content.
-
P: Mm. D: I'm just, haven't been able to
make it yet, so, uh, I'm not being vague
-
cause I want to be, I am literally
not allowed to talk (P: You're not allowed!)
-
about the things that I'm working on.
-
P: I could talk.
D: And I- Phil, Phil you can leak it.
-
P: Will they put me in jail?
D: Be my Tom Holland- yeah they would.
-
They'll just demonetise your channel.
P: Oh no, don't do it I love you Google.
-
D: Um, but there are, there are very
exciting things hopefully coming in the
-
fu-tur, I think you've explained before how
(P: Yeah) in the past we've pitched
-
certain things (P: Oh my god) that
haven't worked out.
-
P: Yeah, I've pitched, I've pitched so many
shows to different-
-
D: I mean you've said this in a YouTube video.
P: I- I think it was in a panel.
-
P: Pitched a sci-fi show that didn't work
out, I pitched a game show that didn't work out.
-
D: It's a shame when you spend months
(P: Yeah) working on a dream project.
-
(P: Yeah) I mean, I remember with "The
Queen's Gambit" on Netflix, the guy said
-
"I wrote the script for 30 years (P: Yeah)
and no one ever wanted to do it.
-
P: I wrote- D: and then my dream project
finally became real, never give up on your dreams!
-
P: I wrote like, (D: Persevere) 50 pages
of such a cool, like, interactive concept
-
(D: Yep) and it just never came to be.
D: Maybe it will, one day. P: Maybe it will!
-
D: So here's hoping that thicc Dan
content is comin' at ya. P: I'm hoping so.
-
D: But I appreciate the support.
P: But, according to Stereo,
-
what are you secretly actually doing?
D: Oh yeah, that was all lies,
-
what am I actually doing?
-
[@stupidshoes] He decided that he wanted
to train to become a hairdresser.
-
D: (splutter) P: Hey, when Dan chopped my
hair, when he, when he fixed it after-
-
D: I- Yeah, yeah! Hey, hey you, that left
that sarcastic message, I did an okay
-
- job of trimming Phil's hair!
- P: He helped trim it out, cause it was
-
a disaster (D: Yeah) and I think you're
gonna have to cut my hair again cause
-
we're in Tier 4, we're not gonna go
-
- into Tier 2 again.
- D: Yeah it's not happening anytime soon.
-
D: Yeah, if you liked my long hair,
it's coming back, (P: It's coming back)
-
whether I like it or not. So, um,
(P: Mine's get-) I should have been
-
training to be a hairdresser.
P: Mine- mine's getting ridiculous.
-
P: Are you ever gonna dye your hair?
Are you ever gonna change it up?
-
D: Excuse me? P: You've always had the
same colour hair.
-
D: I mean, I kind of changed it up, I dunno.
-
P: Blonde.
D: No, no I'm not gonna dye it.
-
P: We did blonde (D: Okay) blonde
filter Dan.
-
D: If a gay person dyes their hair, they
are a visibly spiralling crisis twink, and-
-
P: I want to be a crisis twink.
D: - you know, I am not allowed to
-
experimentally bleach my hair for
aesthetic purposes, without it looking
-
like I'm gong through something. (P: Okay)
That is a stereotype, and you know what,
-
some stereotypes are true, and that's one
of them. P: Maybe I'll do it. (D laughs)
-
[@natisadulting] Learning to cook,
I think.
-
P: Learning to cook.
D: I should.
-
P: You- yeah, I mean, you're not bad, you can
make a few things, you're not like a disaster chef.
-
D: I can make noodles. P: Yeah?
Spaghetti bolognese?
-
D: That's just noodles.
P: That's just noodles.
-
D: It's all just noodles.
P: That's just pasta.
-
D: It's just variations (P: Hey) upon a
noodly theme from when I was a,
-
distraught student eating ramen
noodles every single day.
-
P: In the Dan and Phil house, we're
very versed with in the pasta section of food.
-
D: Yes, enter the pasta-verse.
-
P: What have I done to the sofa? I- I've just-
D: You are destroying the sofa.
-
P: This is why I'm not allowed to sit
on sofas.
-
D: Things that I'll miss when we move
out of this weird cupboard, these sofas.
-
P: This sofa's been so good, it's even got like,
D: Been some strong lass.
-
P: customisable head rests. What's goin on?
D: Whatever the heck that is.
-
P: This looks weird.
D: Enjoy your sofa back, weird landlord,
-
um, no offense, (P: Um, yeah)
please give me my deposit back.
-
[@dairiqueen] Do I wanna know what
Dan's been doing?
-
P: Oh! D: Wha- that's the tea right there.
And the answer is no.
-
P: No, you don't.
D: You don't.
-
P: It's not suitable for YouTube.
D: Yep.
-
P: Okay, um, so. (both laugh)
-
D: I'm working on three things right now
I'd say. (P: Dum dum dum) One of them
-
got delayed by Covid, one of them is
probably impossible until uh, lots of
-
people can all congregate together.
(P: Yeah) We'll see how that works but,
-
I am writing a book, [children in awe]
that is known. Cause it turns out, hey,
-
the book industry, you have to announce
something like a year before it comes out
-
(P: Yeah) so, I was like, hello everybody,
I'm writing a book, they were like,
-
"Wow, can't wait to read it, when?"
In 40 billion years. P: Yeah.
-
D: Why's it take so long to print?
-
P: Dan's been writing this, like every moment
I've looked at him he's been writing.
-
D: Ever since the iconic world-changing
piece of creative literature that was,
-
"THE Amazing Book Is Not On Fire".
-
P: I mean you can't beat it.
-
D: Let's talk about The Amazing
Book Is Not On Fire.
-
P: We could just do a whole- D: It was great.
P: Stereo about that.
-
D: D'you remember the first tour we did
(P: Oof.) "The Amazing Tour Is Not On Fire"
-
P: So good. D: Yet to be beaten.
P: It was so good.
-
D: Dan and Phil, they really came in and
set the bar. P: We did.
-
D: The things we did.
P: That. D: Mm.
-
P: So why are you are you doing a book?
D: And that's on full stop.
-
P: Boop. Boop.
D: What?
-
P: Why are you doin a book?
-
D: Are you a- (P laughs) are you- are you
letting me (P: I'm- look) do some self-promo
-
- right now, oh my God.
- P: Even though this is a Dan- like I
-
P: wanna give you your spon!
[twinkly sound effect] spon!
-
P: Click the link below, pre-order Dan's book!
D: Aw, listen to this guy, being supportive!
-
P: You will get through this
D: Thank you. P: night.
-
D: I mean, ever since I you know,
depression video, gay video, all these
-
people are like, "Dan, write a book.
Tell us your story."
-
And it's like, I'm not gonna write a
memoir. Bitch, firstly I'm 12 years old.
-
(P: Yeah) Secondly, my life story is on
YouTube. Just go watch it. (P: Yeah)
-
What do you want from me? Some people
were like, why don't you do, something
-
about mental health? (P: Yes) and,
in the world of mental health books
-
most of them are usually, basically what
my Daniel and Depression video is (P: Yeah)
-
which is, hi, I'm a person who went through
something, this is my story, I'm gonna
-
dispel misconception, but that doesn't
necessarily help people reading it that much,
-
(P: No) it's more about a story. Whereas,
you got the self-help, heavy, books, that
-
are really hard to understand that probably
contain helpful information but people
-
don't read them. (P: Mm) I think,
Harper Collins, were basically like,
-
[serious dramatic music]
-
but Dan, what if, you do a book that
is about the stuff that helps people
-
but you actually make it, enjoyable
and easy to read, and it's all about you
-
and your life story? (P: Yeah) and honestly.
thinking about mental health, which
-
is a serious topic, (P: Yes) as much as we
love to meme.
-
It was one of those moments where I was
like, I genuinely- I can't not do this (P: Yeah)
-
So I was like, yes, okay, I'm doing
this book.
-
P: I think it will help people. Hey,
guess what? I've read the book!
-
[children in awe] D: Phil, yes, spoliers,
I gave it to Phil. P: Yeah
-
D: Advanced copy.
P: I'm the first person to read it.
-
D: Review?
P: Review. [crickets chirping]
-
P: It's rubbish. (laughs)
[sad music]
-
P: No, it's a, no, it was, actually,
I'm one of those people that's like
-
my mental health is fine. I don't
worry about anything, but then
-
getting into it, I was like, oo I'm actually-
D: Oh, oh honey.
-
(D laughs) P: No, I'm act- I've actually
learnt so many things that I could be
-
doing better, aND, learning some stuff
about you as well, it's like-
-
D: Would you say it was funny?
P: Yeah it was fun-
-
D: Would you say it was juicy?
P: The thing is, it's funny, but also
-
helpful, so you're not reading it like,
oh it's a textbook.
-
D: Oh yeah totally, I mean like
it's full of juicy tea about me,
-
like I've been doing (P: Yeah) for the last
10 years on YouTube, I'm just splicing
-
myself open saying look at my insides
and laugh at my pain, (P: Yes)
-
you're welcome. You might go in,
wanting to sip the tea from Dan's life,
-
and then come away going, damn it,
I accidentally learnt how to completely
-
transform my life and now I'm healthier
and happier! (P: Yeah) Ugh, you got me Dan.
-
Hopefully, I am being entertaining and nice,
you're learning about me, and if you come
-
away with something that you think will
make you healthier and happier, then,
-
you know, (P: Yep) I'll be glad
that I wrote it.
-
P: Well great! You can,
pre-order the book,
-
- P: It's in the link below!
- D: You can! Awh, thank you Phil.
-
P: I'm hyped for you Danny.
-
D: The book was actually supposed to be,
the last thing, (P: Yeah) but now
-
it's gonna be the first thing. (P: That's fine)
Because of 2020- thanks 2020.
-
P: Wa-wa-wa. D: Uh, yeah, next year
may be very exciting.
-
D: It's been a year. Hopefully the people
commenting "Who's watching in 2079?"
-
will go, "Wow, that was weird." (P: Yeah)
but we all got through it and life
-
became new and exciting. (P: We did)
Was Dan ever alive? I guess we'll find out.
-
[static noise]
-
P: Bye!
D: [high-pitched] Bye, I love you all.
-
D: [still high-pitched] Have a nice
evening.
-
[Phil] Thanks for all the love you've
given these shows, if you wanna watch
-
any of the videos back, with Louise, Seth,
PJ or Martyn, I've put 'em in a handy
-
playlist here. And remember to click
the link below to join in with the Stereo
-
afterparty, or if you're listening in
the future, you can go listen back to it
-
at any time. Goodbye.