Something We Want to Tell You!

[Phil] Coming up
[beep]

[@dairiqueen] Do I wanna know what
Dan's been doing?

P: I'm a gay dragon. [both laugh]

D: As we know, I have clearly taken a
break from regular YouTube uploads.

P: I don't quack a penis.

P: This has been a project that we've
been working on since.. 2017?

[Dan] I want balls in the bath.

D: (small cough sound)

(beep)

[Phil] This was broadcast live on Stereo
who have sponsored Phil and Phriends!

Thanks guys. It's on the app store and
Android for free

and you can listen back to any
of my shows on there,

and at 9pm {UK} after this video
goes up, I'll be hanging out on

there with Dan for an exclusive
after party! [party popper]

So, you can click the link below to either
join in or listen back.

[exciting music]
P: He's here,

He's alive,

It's my very special guest.. It's Dan!
[happy dramatic music]

D: Hi! I thought- you missed the here,
queer, existential fear thing.

P: Aw! I should've gone with that!

D: You said I'm alive, as if that's
a surprise.

P:It might be a surprise! Some people
haven't seen your face, they might think

you're like half Dan, half robot
[robot sound effect] like what happened?

D: Am I alive? P: I don't know.
D: That's the real question.

Was I ever alive? Maybe this whole
time I've always just been a figment

[Phil gasps] of Phil's imagination
and this is actually quite a sad story.

P: Don't say that.

D: On that note, hi, it's a pleasure to
be back, thanks for having me buddy.

P: Yeah and hey to everyone that's
joining us on Stereo, welcome to the show!

It's good to (D: Welcome to the shizzle)
see your little faces popping up,

lots of bubbles.

D: Not only are we saying hi to a camera
right now, but we're saying hi to a phone.

P: We are. [dramatic sound effect] We've
got a whole shenanigan happening.

D: Which is why we're wearing earbuds
right now, we're not being rude.

P: This is what cool people do, they just
wear an earbud at all times.

P: [pretending to talk into earbud]
Check that. Copy.

P: Um, I just wanna give a content
warning for Dan because you know,

his mouth is filled with soil.

D: How- okay. (P laughs)
I think that's fair enough

I mean, if it's on YouTube, I'm guessing
you'll censor this with quacks (P: Yeah) and stuff

but, I mean God knows what I'm gonna say.

P: Do you wanna just get your first swear
out of the way, just so we're prepared?

[dramatic music]
(Dan making straining sound)

Penis. (P: That's fine)
Don't know why I like, squeezed

P: You're allowed to say penis, that's
fine. I don't quack a penis.

D: Penis, [quack sound effect]
[woof sound effect] What?

P: No!

[@heraceres] Hi, oh my god, we missed
you so much.

P: They missed you.
D: They're just talking about you.

P: No- (both laughing)

D: Like, who's- who's that rat sat
right there.

P: I hope y'all had a nice festive seez.

(D: Mm.) We had an interesting one,
I mean, it was-

D: You said "I hope y'all had a nice fes-"
Okay firstly what is that phrase?

(P: I don't know!) Secondly, Phil,
[deep voice] it's 2020. (P: Yeah.)

D: Ain't nobody having a nice
[mumbling] anything.

P: I'm tryna spread some positivity!

D: Yeah this is the single vibe that we
get at the end of the year.

- [Dan makes small cough sound]
- P: Vibe

P: So, it was more of a Zoom-mas (D: Mm)
but we did exchange some gifts.

D: We did. P: Yeah! I got Dan a new
jumper, which he's wearing now,

not that I forced him to wear it, but-

D: No, Phil did not all force me to wear
the sweater that he got me for Christmas.

P: (menacing) Wear the sweater.

It's a black and white sweater with bears
(D: On brand) but there's a sneaky little

yellow bear in the corner.
[meow sound effect]

I'm tryna get Dan to wear colour in 2021.

D: Are you? P: Yeah.
D: (laughing) Good luck with that.

P: This is the first stage,

D: You haven't commented
on my Stereo avatar.

P: It looks like you, I think-
(D: Oh does it?) I think you got the

- P: curls there
- D: Thanks I was going for that.

P: Although your hair, like what happened
to your long flowing lockdown hair?

P: Where did it go?
D: My- my medium length hair?

P: Yeah I was excited you were gonna
go all the way!

D: Everyone was so sad about that, yeah.

I mean it's not cause I was- I was trying a
different style, I couldn't get a haircut.

That- that was the thing. It got to that
length where I really had to commit to it

for a bit longer to make it work (P: Yeah)
and, it was physically upsetting having

this much hair touching my ears, I mean
anyone that's had long hair and then cut

it all off will be like (sad laughing) my
ears, they're finally free!

And then, that brief window, when the
lockdown eased, a couple months ago,

I was like snip!
P: Snip snip!

D: So here we are.

P: Well, now you're regretting it, cause
now it's cold in London,

you could've had little muffs
on your ears, made out of hair.

[fail sound effect]
D: Less about the hairy muffs, Phil.

P: (indignant) Well you could! So-
D: I told you, I warned everybody.

P: I got Danny his jumper (D: Yeah)
Dan got me a whole box of-

D: Okay, right, so this is how well I
know Phil. Appreciation for this, okay.

P: A whole box of retro sweets!
[party popper and clapping sound effect]

which I'm so excited about. It looks like
a rat has been living in here cause I've

literally just been sat by the TV, gnawing
away at them.

D: When I opened this box, I did not
believe that half of these were real.

because I have never heard of any of them,
and Phil was like,

"Oh, it's whippy wobby dib dobbles! I
remember those when I was a child up North!"

P: Shut up. but yeah, he was- said I was
eating boomer sweets.

(D laughing) These are the fruit salads.

D: What the hell is a fruit salad?
P: I don't know.

P: Look (D: Yeah?) you should embrace
the culture of the past. (D: Okay.)

P: Also, I had some random memory of
bathing with bath pearls, and I was going

on about it to Dan, and then Dan actually
got me some bath pearls.

D: Cause I'm the kind of person that's
listening to random ranting and then makes

a note saying "Hey in 7 and a half months
I'll remember to buy Phil bath pearls

for Christmas. P: It's like a- it's like a
mini bath bomb, and when all my friends

were getting like football stickers, I was
like "Mum, can I have some bath pearls?"

It might've said something about me.
D: That's valid man. (P laughs)

D: Ain't no shame about that in 2020.
We are going forward saying (P: No)

get rid of those footballs, gimme the
bath ballls, I want balls in the bath.

P: Then my brother and Cornelia got
me a massive jar of Percy Pigs.

D: I hate this, if you d- what are
Percy Pigs?

P: Percy Pog.
D: For people that- [fail sound effect]

P (laughing): That was one of my
draft tweets, I never said it though.

They are Percy pog. They are basically-
D: Fu-udge. P: Sorry.

P: I thought I was gonna have my first quack
(D: Awh) but you saved yourself.

D: Good to know I shouldn't save myself
(P: Yeah) next time.

P: They're basically just pigs that are
sweets and they taste like dreams.

P: Let's move on to our first topic
of the day, which is going to be-

D: Wah-wah
P: 2020! [kids cheering sound effect]

D: What was that about? P: I shouldn't
really even say it like that, should I?

D: No you d- take that again?
P: (serious) 2020. [fail sound effect]

[sad dramatic sound effect]
D: (sad) 2020?

P: Yeah. D: (fake throw up sound) 20-
(fake throw up sound) 20. [dramatic music]

P: I wanna know about your 2020 fails.
D: It's been a terrible year (P: Yeah)

for everybody globally. Uh, well you
spent about two months massaging

the Tesco deliveries with uh, hand
sanitiser. (P laughs)

That's a vivid memory. That's funny
in hindsight.

P: Hey, I mean, you have to- I was quite
paranoid (D: You were) they were like

"wash everything!"

- D: Yeah, and you did.
- P: I was washing my hands, yeah.

D: It took about two hours (P: I was literally)
Phil was like (squirt sound) Mhm, yeah,

do you want a bit of aromatherapy? How's
the tension on this, mm, tube of Pringles?

P: I think you stopped me when I tried to
like, wash an apple with soap, and you

were like "Phil, that's too far."
D: Yeah. P: Yeah. D: No, don't do that.

D: Wait, this reminds me of the- the thing
that happened, do you remember in Manchester?

P: What? D: You got- no, you recognised
the Tesco delivery.

P: What are you talking about? Dan, why-
(laughs) why would you bring that up?

D: We don't need- we don't need to, uh
(P: Oh my god) expand upon that.

P: Well we do cause everyone's now like
what? Okay, so the Tesco came, right,

And then (laughs), the g- the guy
deliv- D: Oh, go on then, Phil.

P: -the guy delivering it looked really
familiar, okay, so I was like,

"I'm sure I know you from somewhere!"
which wasn't me like, hitting on the

Tesco guy, I was just being like-
D: This was like a cool looking young man

P: He was like an e- like an emo
looking guy. (D: Yeah) I was like,

"I know you from somehwere." And he was
like [deeper voice] "Ah, it's- it's (laughs)

"It's probably from the adult movies I'm in."
[boing sound effect]

And I was like, "What no! I don't
recognise you from that! I just-

you've got a familiar face. He, was like-
gave me those eyes that's like

"Sure buddy I know where you've seen me."
D: Places we've been, there. Okay, well,

if Phil said that, y'all can say anything.
(P: Don't look at me) Have we got

somebody sending in a message?
P: Okay, let's see.

D: Let's see if you can top that.

P: I don't think you can.
D: Literally.

[@heidiesel] 2020 just happened to be the
year that I actually had to start wearing

glasses. 2020 vision is not it for me.
Both: Ohhh [airhorn sound effect]

D: Get out, get out, get- throw that phone
across the room right now, I'm not

interested, how dare you? Although to be
honest, if you've actually not been able

to see your whole life and then you have,
that's quite a profound moment (P: Yeah)

and Phil shares your pain. (P: I do)
Even if he uh- doesn't quite share your

diSTUNGINg sense of humour that we
don't support.

P: Thankfully, I've levelled out now, so
I'm not going full mole though (D: Yes)

maybe I will, there's still time.

D: I mean, it's been a problematic year
for most people (P: Yep) I would say that,

you know, um, as introverts originally
there was that novelty that was like,

(P: Ooo) "maybe I'm meant for this, it's
kind of okay." I- that has gone. I'm no

longer like, "haha, xD, I never went
outside anyway," I have never wanted

to go outside so much you have no idea.
(P: Yeah) If I could go, to a park and see

a person I'd be like "LICK ME!
(P laughs) CARRESS ME! (P: Lick me?)

I WANNA JUMP INTO A SEA OF PEOPLE!
The introvert within me has died.

So, yeah, I've found the limit of
that for sure.

P: Maybe a- you could just see a goose
that could lick you rather than a human.

D: That- that might maybe make more sense.
But yeah, I've missed people, I've missed

going outside, and that is so weird that,
yeah, okay, well done 2020,

I guess you broke me.

P: That is quite weird, I've been quite
sad cause I couldn't see my family, like, I-

D: How long has it been?
P: It's been since my birthday last year

so almost a year since seeing
my mum and dad in person, which,

if I think about too much I get quite
emotional, so I won't go down that road,

but- D: It's been a year.
P: It's been a challenge, and I have

little sads about it but then I just Zoom
them or Face Time them or something.

D: I mean my whole mysterious-
P: People have it worse. Both: Yeah

D: my mysterious plans for the year just
got indefinitely delayed (P: Yeah) cause

it turns out you can't do certain things
when more than one person can't

be together, so, yeah, it could've been
worse for both of us but it wasn't ideal.

P: D'y'know these mysterious plans, it's
so funny that I know what they are and

I'm so desperate to say something about it
D: Ah, you just wanna- you wanna spoil it,

do you? P: I've got that feeling like-
D: We'll get to that later!

D: Um, something that I've seen a lot of
people complaining about is, uh, how I

don't have any clothes at the moment
cause everything I've done on Instagram

(P: Mm) has been like one stripy t-shirt
and one stripy jumper.

There is a reason for that. (P: Yeah)
Okay. I'm not just being weird,

and, it may all be- it's the reason why
all our furniture has been on shuffle

seemingly. P: What, what's it been doing?

Well, we're moving! [kids cheering]
Surprise! (both laugh)

D: It's more exciting than that.
P: It's not just that.

[drum roll] D: Life update, are you ready
for this everybody?

We have bought a house!
[happy dramatic music]

P: Dun dun dun!

D: It's official, not like the last
time that we tried and then they

said that there was a dead body (P: Yeah)
and then we got scared and then we didn't,

(P: Yeah) this time successfully.
P: It's the real deal.

D: Boom. How's that?
P: Yeah. House that? [ba dum tiss]

(P laughs) P: Um, so, this has been a
project that we've been working on

since 2017. D: It is a new build,
and that means that, other than the

outside, which we couldn't change, we
have designed the entire thing from

the ground up. (P: Yeah) We really
have every single thing.

P: We haven't had any spare time
because every minute of spare time

has been working on the house,
D: Uh, yeah, it turns out that's quite

a big job (P: Yeah) so it's been like
a part time job that we've had for

about three years now, cause this was
something that we decided in?

P: Before tour 2, or during tour 2.
D: Yeah, we did it in 2017 because

we were told, and had genuinely planned
(P: Yeah) to have to move into a new house

dangerously maybe in the middle of
Interactive Introverts. (P: Yes)

Turns out, (P: It took longer.)
missed that quite a bit.

P: So all of our stuff is in boxes and
has been for the last four months or

something? D: We have- the Dan and Phil
games room is a cubic, like, block of

boxes that is literally filled to the
entire ceiling, (P: Yeah) and it's

leaked into every other room. (P: It has)
We're basically living in a Harry Potter

cupboard right now, (P: We are)
but that's fine.

P: It's really exciting, we've got
enough room there to work and also live,

We've designed the floor plan-
D: Which- which is important.

I don't think we'll be sharing like
"Here's our house tour, welcome to our

front door, come on in!"
D: Yeah I don't- P: Yeah

D: there's like the privacy angle (P: Yeah)
but then there's also, I don't know,

house tours, you don't want to look like
you're celebrating the materialism

too much. (P: No) cause it's not about
saying "Hey, look at all our stuff,

isn't stuff great?" I see that it's not
all like that, (P: Mhm) cause I like

watching house tours (P: Yeah)
from, like, an interior design perspective

(P: Hmm) I wanna know what stuff do
people have because it's a cute reflection

of their personality. P: But not like
literally everything.

D: What big choice did you make about
that yellow wall that you went for?

P: Now you're making me want to do
a house tour!

D: Um, but either way we're not
actually gonna be moved in for several

months, so (P: Yeah) don't expect that.
But yeah, that is a big, exciting thing

for both of us.
P: It's a big exciting thing.

We've got funny 2020 fails coming in,
let's have a listen! D: Bonjour.

[@ari.jpg] I've uh, got super into D&D
and it, uh, ruined my life, so.

(both laugh) D: So you actually started
role playing to escape from reality,

- D: I respect that.
- P: I mean, that sounds like the perfect

thing, just become an orc, live in a swamp.
D: Were you the dungeon or the dragon?

P: Yeah. Or both.
[silence]

p: That doesn't make sense. The
dragon in the dungeon.

D: And some- somehow I'm scared about
how we're gonna segway into something

dangerous sounding, so, uh, (P laughs)
I mean we already dropped the

role playing word. P: Yeah, we tried
to do Dungeons and Dragons once,

and I think I played for about 45 minutes
and I kept ruining it cause my character

was so crazy. (D: Yes, yeah.) I was like,
okay, I'm a gay dragon, I- (both laugh)

I breathe fire out of my wings, (D: Yes)
and they're like you can't be a dragon,

I was like I don't- that's what I wanna be.
(D: Yeah) They're like, "no Phil,

you can't do that." D: I'm the disowned
gay elf prince from a kingdom that has

one metal arm and they're like "Why are
making your character sound less successful?"

I went it's character building!
(P laughs) P: Yeah.

D: It's good role playing
(P: I like that we-) and then we

basically got kicked because we were
taking the piss.

P: We weren't taking it seriously (D: Yep)
and I couldn't commit to it.

[@willaisabully] So, in my 2020, I painted
my room and I realised right after

I painted it, that I hate the colour
that I painted it which is great. P: No!)

P: Now I'm just imagining like a weird
shade of brown.

D: So you were painting it, you did one
stripe and were like, "Yeah I like this decision."

You did several stripes and were like
"Mhm, yeah, still good."

Only when you had completely done it
were you like "It's gross." (both laugh)

P: It's too late now. D: I like that,
yeah, oh well, I guess I just have to

live with the pain. I hope we haven't
done that (P: Yeah) because um,

designing our place, we can't really
take back the choices that we've made.

P: We've made some good choices, one
wall is green, I like a green wall.

D: There is a green- are you leaking that
there is a green feature wall in our house?

P: Oh- I've leaked! There is a green wall.
Um, yeah.

D: There is a desk. P: There's a desk,
[fail sound effect] that's not a,

that's not a surprise! Oo, a desk!
D: I'm tryna be- I mean we're not that

extravagant Phil (P: No) I don't
know what to tell people.

D: I will be very sad to say goodbye
to Steve. P: Steven! And Scrag!

D: Because, during the weirdness that has
been 2020, it's been quite good to form an

emotional bond with this animal.
(P: Yeah) It has made me question,

do you think that pigeons, are smart
enough to have emotional bonds?

P: I think they're smart enough.
D: Don't wanna be that guy.

P: But also, whoever comes in next,
they're just gonna be, like a bird lover,

y'know? So we can just be like,
(D: Hopefully) "Hey, do you want-"

D: Do you mind feeding these diseased rat
birds every single day? (P: They- they'll-)

Cause they're gonna peck at your window,
because two weird freaks have been feeding

the diseased rat birds, (P: Yeah) every
single day.

P: I'm sure they'll agree, I'm sure it
will be fine.

[sad music] D: But looking at the little
face through the window

- D: it was- it was that bonding.
- P: Don't- don't remind me of Steve!

D: I will be said to miss them (P: Yeah)
you know, these are the transitional

periods of life.
P: Hey this is the time though,

if you're missing Steve, why not
get yourself a dog?

[high woof sound effect]
D: Oh you're just jumping in and

saying what every single person listening
is thinking right now?

P: Get a dog! D: All right, Dan and Phil,
life journey, you got a house, next up

dog, next up, you're gonna die of old
age, then it's gonna be- you're gonna have

your granddad- I mean your grandson,
and then your grandson's gonna move

to the city with his boyfriend and then
we're gonna watch their life and

boom, it's the Sims.
P: What th- you just confused me so much.

D: It's what people want, people want to
see life move fast (P: Oh right)

when they look up to these
public figures Phil.

P: Anyway, people are saying, get a dog
D: (splutters)

P: I still don't know if we have the
emotional responsibility to look after

a dog, we're trying with the house plants,
they're thriving more than they are,

but it's such a huge responsibility
and you've gotta take it seriously.

D: Responsibility? (P: Yeah) Okay, speak
for yourself, for you it's responsibility

(P: It is) to manage the life (P: Yeah)
for me it's the emotional investment

that scares me. (P: Oh yeah.)

D: I'm not going try and psychoanalyse
myself too deeply (P: Okay) as a person.

When we got the fish, I had anxiety
dreams about the fish for about a week.

(P: Yeah) Every single night, I had a
nightmare that this fish had flopped

onto the floor and I woke up like
(low scream, higher scream)

And this was a fish- people don't care
about these fish like I'm- I'm gonna

put it in a shoe. (P: Yeah) I'd give- given
this fish so much life.

I love this fish.
P: Stop.

D: Did so much for it, and the idea
of a dog, I don't know man.

P: I mean, (D: It scares me)
that is a thing, but also, you know

D: You can't be afraid, (P: You can't)
to live and love.

P: Yeah, I wanna love the little dog.
D: You need to open yourself to the dog.

P: Yeah. D: For you, you have to remember
to feed and walk the dog.

P: I do, I think I would. We almost
had the opportunity to get a dog,

cause we were approached by a TV charity
programme. D: This was weird.

P: Yeah, and it's a charity show where
they let people adopt a dog on TV,

which hopefully lets more people
adopt dogs, and we were so close to

considering it, but then we realised that
our new place wouldn't be ready in time.

D: Yeah, we were like we cannot move
(P: We cannot like-) move them into

a two foot room that is mostly filled
with boxes.

P: No, and this room- this- this place
is not allowed dogs in it anyway,

so we were like, sorry, we haven't moved
yet we can't have the dog. (D: Yeah)

P: Um, but that could have been a thing.
D: Who knows, maybe- maybe it can

in the future. P: Maybe, alas.

D: I mean, this place that we've been in,
like, do you remember the Dan and Phil

London apartment? (P: Yeah) We loved
that place! P: We did!

D: Until the gas leaks and the drills took
over. (P laughs) Where we are now was

always supposed to be a temporary solution
that never quite made sense, it's just that

the temporary solution ended up taking
three and a half years so.

P: It's been a three and a half year long-
D: C'est la vie. (that's life in French)

P: I've got used to it though, I'm quite
happy here, to be honest (D: Yes)

I'm not too sad.

D: Box. P: Box, box box.

- D: This is a box
- P: This is a box

- D: This is one of the moving boxes right here.
- P: You're on a box.

P: Uh, we've got another message-

[spa music] D: You are on a box, POV, you
are a box in Dan and Phil's lounge.

(P: Oh my god.) You are looking at Phil's
crotch. (P: Stop) There is a microphone

balanced on your head.
P: No one wants any of that.

P: So, we were talking about the Sims,
Dan, [dramatic pause]

what about the gaming channel?
D: Ye- P: What's goin' on?

What's happening? What about you?
What's the tea? Who are you?

D (sassy): What about you, bitch?
(P laughs) Why don't you tell us

what you're doing? (P: I wanna know,
everyone wants to know!)

Oo mysterious Phil (P: Where- what's Dan-)
we- we know you're doing a YouTube video

every two weeks, then what? (P: What's Dan-)
What's your 10 year plan Phil?

P: I've got- D: What you doing in the New Year?
P: I've got thoughts! (laughs)

D: Yeah, you have thoughts and things,
tell them! People wanna know.

P: No. I think everyone's more wondering
about you right now.

D: Uh, well as we know I have clearly
taken a break from regular YouTube uploads,

(P: Yeah) um, not that I ever, arguably,
had regular YouTube uploads. (P laughs)

I walked- walked right into that one,
didn't we? P: But what- what's the tea now?

D: This was- whoa, don't rush me.
P: Sorry. (laughs) D: This was an emotional

and spiritual, and personal growth
journey (P: Yes) that I chose to be on.

(P: Mm) Cause, you know, the gay video,
everything else, I really felt like, I hadn't

really had time to ask, "Who am I? What do
I want? What am I doing? (P: Yeah) Why?"

D: And, I'm in that period.

P: You're still in the pause period,
you're like-

D: Well I uh, there were supposed to be
a couple of things (P: That [??] happen)

and then, 2020 happened.
[drilling/rumbling sound effect]

Let's move on from 2020, shall we?
That's 2020. P: Yeah. That'd be a

funny topic, like what hAs Dan been doing?
Like if- D: You want to literally make

the Stereo question what has Dan been
doing? P: Yeah, no in a funny way, like

you say your (D laughs a lot) your funniest
guesses what Dan has been up to

(D: Excuse me?) P: during his break from
YouTube.

D: Dan moved to a (P: Dan) mysterious
ranch and has been milking goats

for an insidious master plan. That's gonna
be the first one.

[happy tropical music]

D: Um- P: Okay, there we go.

D: Look, I know that people miss me.
(P: Yes) And I appreciate that, and I

really value the fact that people support
and they care about me (P: Yeah)

not just like a "How are you Dan, what
are you up to," personally, (P: Mhm hm)

but that they express an interest
in wanting more content from me.

That makes me feel happy. (P: Yeah)
So I just wanna say, thank you to all

those people. (P: Awh) I know that I
could probably post more on Instagram

and Twitter- Instagram this year, (P: Yeah)
I mean, what has anybody done? It got to

that point where halfway through the year
where I was like, I don't do anything or,

I mean not I ever saw anyone (P giggles)
or did anything interesting,

but this year in particular (P: Yeah)
I'm inside. So I just posted that um,

[sexy music] questionable- if you put
that on the YouTube video, do you reckon-

P: That's gonna get me demonitised!
(both laugh) D: Do you reckon it would?

P: It might do, it might pick up on it!
It's a very sexy pose-

D: I had the wine glass in front of my
nipple for the Instagram.

P: Oh my god- D: Free the boob!

P: I had to be the photographer for that,
and we were tryna line this wine glass up

so hard. D: This was not- this was not a
sexy moment. P: It was not! (laughs)

D: It was sweaty and physically uncomfortable,
Phil was popping a squat for about an hour.

P: I was! D: But I think that was symbolic
in a way (P: Yeah) cause that- that's

just me, it said everything about the year,
it said everything about me as a person.

P: Yeah. D: What do you want?

P: Got some things "What has Dan been
doing?" coming in on Stereo. D: I'm ready.

[@henna] Dan has been napping.

(D laughs) P: Dan's been napping.
[party popper sound effect] D: I wish, oh my god!

P: Yeah, we've been deciding where every plug goes in our new room.

P: Yeah, we've been deciding where every
plug goes in a new room.

D: As well as my other things, which you would-
how would you describe my emotional state?

P: Uhh, busy is the emotional state, I've
never seen- D: You can use some descriptors,

what does my face look like at any given
moment?

P: Um, stressed but inspired.

- D: Thanks Phil, I'll take that, nice and vague.
- P: That's how I'd say it.

P: Don't tempt me, I'm gonna
say what it is.

D: What else?

[@phrikkenzazz.1] Hoarding
toilet paper!

D: I- how dare you, (P: Oof) I have not
been hoarding toilet paper, okay?

P: Yeah. D: In fact Phil's been hoarding
toilet paper from me!

P: I have, I've been stealing from
Dan's bathroom. It's like, I- (laughs)

D: He's laughing because the other day, I,
uh, yeah (P: Yeah) I had no toilet roll.

P: He had no toilet roll, it was awkward.

P: Um, I'm like a one sheet- I'm tryna be
a one sheet guy during this pandemic.

D: No one asked for this! (P: Not for-)
It's like, oh, I've really missed Dan and

Phil doing videos together (P: Sorry)
what will they talk about?

It's been (P: Toilet paper) utter filth.
P: Phil-th.

D: We've all become total degenerates,
I am sorry for dragging you down.

P: Yeah you've dragged everything down,
shall we get another one?

[@mykind_ofpeople] Goat yoga.

D: Goat yoga, hey! Except I saw a video
of someone getting peed on, so

I'm actually never gonna try that.
P: Oof! That's kinda funny though.

P: Maybe the pee would be- D: Funny to
watch, you think it'd be funny to be

peed on by a goat?

P: Hey, we tried to do yoga once and I
found it quite relaxing, but also,

the yoga teacher started playing really
sad movie soundtracks, so-

D: Oh my god! We were tryna do meditation
at the end (P: Yeah) and then a bloody song

from the TV show "The Leftovers" came on,
(P: Oh my god) and, it's one of those

TV shows that make you cry buckets.
(P: Yeah) And, if any of you listen to

songs that make you super emotional
(P: Yeah) something associated with a

TV show, and it just comes on during an
ambient playlist, we were like [crying]

P: I was doing a downward dog and just
fully crying onto the mat, and I was like

"Please just stop the music!"

D: I actually, in the middle of a yoga
session had to say,

[art by @possumnest on tumblr!]
"You need to turn the track

[art by @possumnest on tumblr!]
to the next one, now! (P: So awkward.)

[art by @possumnest on tumblr!]
and I won't explain why!

P: Yeah. D: But your hamstrings have been
getting a nice little extension.

P: Yeah, anyway, Dan. D: Yep?
P: So what's happening? What's the plan?

What's the plan Dan? D: Uh, well I mean
with the gaming channel, (P: Yeah)

we loved the gaming channel.
P: It was our baby.

D: Unlike dragging a camera around the
house for me to film sketches pretending

to be my own therapist or something,
(P: Yeah) the gaming channel was fun.

P: It was. D: I like playing video
games with you. P: Thanks.

D: The only issue with my personal growth
journey is it took quite a lot of time,

a Sims video was like (P: It was long) a 9
hour adventure. (P:Yeah)

So, you know there was no space in my
life to think about anything else (P: No)

and you wanted to think about other things.
P: I did too. D: So, we did it for several

years and we were like, let's just take
a pause (P: Mhm hm) to have some time to grow.

We haven't made some secret dramatic
decision (P: No) about secretly never

coming back, I'm just taking time,
maybe we'll return to it, (P: Yeah)

maybe we'll do streaming, Twitch stuff,
maybe we'll just do other things like

this in the future. (P: Yeah)
Hi! This is some-

- D: -nice joint content™ right now.
- P: This is something new.

P: We didn't know how long the pause
was going to be and we didn't

anticipate that, but at the moment it's
still like, we dunno, we're just like, exploring-

D: I'm just feeling out life man.
P: -what's going on.

D: But also, a funny thing about Dan and
Phil Games is, a lot of people enjoyed

watching Dan and Phil, but didn't necessarily
love video games, so they were like,

"Wow, I wish they did something else," so,
that's a possibility.

- P: It could, yeah.
- D: Who knows,

D: everything is up in the air, honestly.
P: Yeah.

D: Dan's just vibin'.
P: Yeah.

D: Let me- let me do my thing. See the
next couple things that I do, and then

I'll go (inhales) and breathe.

P: But hey you're here on this and also
on my YouTube channel, so that's like

a nice check in with Dan anyway.
(D: Hi) He's here, look at this.

- D: I'm alive apparently.
- P: He's here, he's alive.

D: (singing) Or is it all a figment of
Phil's sad mind? (P laughs)

P: I've noticed that you've done a lot of
photoshoots recently. D: Oh my god.

P: Like, a lot. D: Ugh!

P: Every time Dan's gone out, it's like,
(D: I hate it!) "I've got a photoshoot."

D: I have to! Okay, well two things right,
on, I- I'm doing a book, right, (P: Yep)

and you sign a contract, and you have
to promote it. (P: Yeah)

so I have to do press, and I have to do
all these photoshoots (P: Yeah)

and I don't have a say, and then all these
people keep calling me.

P: But, talking about a 2020 (Dan sighs) fail, can
we talk about the boot- the boot thing?

D: Why do you- P: It's so funny!
D: Is this funny? P: It's funny to me.

D: It was traumatising for me.
P: Okay, well Dan was doing

an Attitude shoot, which is the-
D: Attitude, a gay magazine. P: -the gay magazine.

P: I was wondering if you were gonna get
your ass out because I always associated

that with when I was like (D: Yeah) in
the closet, I'd be like,

- P: "Oo, look at that."
- D: The- these- these magazines

D: historically have been quite, uh, sexy.
P: It was quite a sexy mag.

D: I think that going future, they're
trying to, uh, focus less on the

cis, uh, gay man perspective (P: Yeah)
cause the queer community, it's not just

horny cis gay men in their mid-30s,
(P: Okay) so having the magazine just

full of full spread asses is maybe not
what the entire rainbow would appreciate.

P: So they've changed it.
D: They're tryna class it up a bit and

have some other people- I mean, part of
me was like, I want some attention, uh,

I want some horniness in the DMs.
(P laughs) Full ass. Dan ass reveal.

P: Oh my god.
D: Let's go right now.

D: But, no, um, so they did that.
P: Talk about the boot!

D: What can I- how can I say this?
P: They gave Dan some boots to wear.

D: It was not all under my control,
(P: Yeah) hashtag pink background.

Um, but, one thing that did really improve
my day was that they had this beautiful,

amazing, Alexander McQueen
jumpshoot.

D: Suit- jumpshoot?
P: (mocking Dan) Jumpshoot!

D: And some boots that went with it
and these were sick boots,

they were these black boots with a steel
cap and they went with the jumpsuit,

and it was really cool, and I was happy,
(P: Yeah) cause it looked like this

photoshoot was actually gonna be
an enjoyable experience, cause I hate

looking at myself posing, being caught in
photos, (P: Mm) just attention in general.

Weird, I know. And no human had ever put
on these incredibly tight, um, leather shoes.

P: No. D: There was like, uh you know,
20 awkwardly socially distanced people

stood in corners of the room with masks,
just stood in silence, waiting for me to

pretend to be a frickin weird model
for like five seconds (P: Yep)

And, basically, the shoe did not fit.
P: (laughs) It was like-

D: Uh, the shoe (P: -Cinderella) did not fit, at all,
and I actually spent about 20 minutes

trying to put this god damn shoe on.
P: But, imagine like, a photographer

waiting, loads of people waiting,
everyone's just watching. D: Where's Dan?

I'm behind a privacy screen in the corner
of the room,

- P: Just like, tryna get the-
- D: This is not dignified.

D: I am hopping- imagine you are half
naked hopping with a boot in a room

full of people that are going (P: Yeah)
"Where are you? What's happening?"

And I just couldn't honestly (P: Yeah)
I real- I wanted the boot, I wanted to

look cool in the boot, (P: Yep)
I wanted the ensemble dream,

I wanted for once in my life to look cool,
(P: Hmm) am I allowed to be cool once, ever?

No is the answer. P: You'd think not.
D: The universe just said no.

And then I, we just had to end up- I did
it in my socks, and they were like,

we're gonna have to photograph you from
the waist up. P: Awh. I think you should've

gone and got some butter and lubed up
your foot

- P: so you could've slid in.
- D: Honestly, that- I considered that.

D: I had a shoehorn, there were three
people with a shoehorn, trying to keep-

- P: Get the foot in the boot!
- D: you know, they were like [??] away from me

so we didn't breathe on each other.

P: I mean, you'd still have the boot on now.
D: Literally.

P: Um, so, so, you've done that photoshoot.
You've done like three interviews, like, what's-

D: I- leave me alone. P: Yeah
D: Leave, leave me alone.

P: And you did that YouTube billboard.

D: It was an honour, I mean, I just don't
enjoy getting dressed-

- P: No just, getting, getting dressed for it.
- D: [mumbles] photos of me.

D: The photos were really cool, they made
me remove the Apple logo from the laptop

which was very funny (P: Yeah) so it
looked like I was just working on a

mysterious steel slate, um.
P: At least there was no boot in that one.

D: But there we are, at the end of 2020,
YouTube is featuring me (P: Hmm?)

as a treasured creator on a billboard
in London.

P: Wouldn't you think that would mean,
they're still thinking about Dan?

D: Yeah, yeah, hint, one of the things
that I'm working on is YouTube content.

P: Mm. D: I'm just, haven't been able to
make it yet, so, uh, I'm not being vague

cause I want to be, I am literally
not allowed to talk (P: You're not allowed!)

about the things that I'm working on.

P: I could talk.
D: And I- Phil, Phil you can leak it.

P: Will they put me in jail?
D: Be my Tom Holland- yeah they would.

They'll just demonetise your channel.
P: Oh no, don't do it I love you Google.

D: Um, but there are, there are very
exciting things hopefully coming in the

fu-tur, I think you've explained before how
(P: Yeah) in the past we've pitched

certain things (P: Oh my god) that
haven't worked out.

P: Yeah, I've pitched, I've pitched so many
shows to different-

D: I mean you've said this in a YouTube video.
P: I- I think it was in a panel.

P: Pitched a sci-fi show that didn't work
out, I pitched a game show that didn't work out.

D: It's a shame when you spend months
(P: Yeah) working on a dream project.

(P: Yeah) I mean, I remember with "The
Queen's Gambit" on Netflix, the guy said

"I wrote the script for 30 years (P: Yeah)
and no one ever wanted to do it.

P: I wrote- D: and then my dream project
finally became real, never give up on your dreams!

P: I wrote like, (D: Persevere) 50 pages
of such a cool, like, interactive concept

(D: Yep) and it just never came to be.
D: Maybe it will, one day. P: Maybe it will!

D: So here's hoping that thicc Dan
content is comin' at ya. P: I'm hoping so.

D: But I appreciate the support.
P: But, according to Stereo,

what are you secretly actually doing?
D: Oh yeah, that was all lies,

what am I actually doing?

[@stupidshoes] He decided that he wanted
to train to become a hairdresser.

D: (splutter) P: Hey, when Dan chopped my
hair, when he, when he fixed it after-

D: I- Yeah, yeah! Hey, hey you, that left
that sarcastic message, I did an okay

- job of trimming Phil's hair!
- P: He helped trim it out, cause it was

a disaster (D: Yeah) and I think you're
gonna have to cut my hair again cause

we're in Tier 4, we're not gonna go

- into Tier 2 again.
- D: Yeah it's not happening anytime soon.

D: Yeah, if you liked my long hair,
it's coming back, (P: It's coming back)

whether I like it or not. So, um,
(P: Mine's get-) I should have been

training to be a hairdresser.
P: Mine- mine's getting ridiculous.

P: Are you ever gonna dye your hair?
Are you ever gonna change it up?

D: Excuse me? P: You've always had the
same colour hair.

D: I mean, I kind of changed it up, I dunno.

P: Blonde.
D: No, no I'm not gonna dye it.

P: We did blonde (D: Okay) blonde
filter Dan.

D: If a gay person dyes their hair, they
are a visibly spiralling crisis twink, and-

P: I want to be a crisis twink.
D: - you know, I am not allowed to

experimentally bleach my hair for
aesthetic purposes, without it looking

like I'm gong through something. (P: Okay)
That is a stereotype, and you know what,

some stereotypes are true, and that's one
of them. P: Maybe I'll do it. (D laughs)

[@natisadulting] Learning to cook,
I think.

P: Learning to cook.
D: I should.

P: You- yeah, I mean, you're not bad, you can
make a few things, you're not like a disaster chef.

D: I can make noodles. P: Yeah?
Spaghetti bolognese?

D: That's just noodles.
P: That's just noodles.

D: It's all just noodles.
P: That's just pasta.

D: It's just variations (P: Hey) upon a
noodly theme from when I was a,

distraught student eating ramen
noodles every single day.

P: In the Dan and Phil house, we're
very versed with in the pasta section of food.

D: Yes, enter the pasta-verse.

P: What have I done to the sofa? I- I've just-
D: You are destroying the sofa.

P: This is why I'm not allowed to sit
on sofas.

D: Things that I'll miss when we move
out of this weird cupboard, these sofas.

P: This sofa's been so good, it's even got like,
D: Been some strong lass.

P: customisable head rests. What's goin on?
D: Whatever the heck that is.

P: This looks weird.
D: Enjoy your sofa back, weird landlord,

um, no offense, (P: Um, yeah)
please give me my deposit back.

[@dairiqueen] Do I wanna know what
Dan's been doing?

P: Oh! D: Wha- that's the tea right there.
And the answer is no.

P: No, you don't.
D: You don't.

P: It's not suitable for YouTube.
D: Yep.

P: Okay, um, so. (both laugh)

D: I'm working on three things right now
I'd say. (P: Dum dum dum) One of them

got delayed by Covid, one of them is
probably impossible until uh, lots of

people can all congregate together.
(P: Yeah) We'll see how that works but,

I am writing a book, [children in awe]
that is known. Cause it turns out, hey,

the book industry, you have to announce
something like a year before it comes out

(P: Yeah) so, I was like, hello everybody,
I'm writing a book, they were like,

"Wow, can't wait to read it, when?"
In 40 billion years. P: Yeah.

D: Why's it take so long to print?

P: Dan's been writing this, like every moment
I've looked at him he's been writing.

D: Ever since the iconic world-changing
piece of creative literature that was,

"THE Amazing Book Is Not On Fire".

P: I mean you can't beat it.

D: Let's talk about The Amazing
Book Is Not On Fire.

P: We could just do a whole- D: It was great.
P: Stereo about that.

D: D'you remember the first tour we did
(P: Oof.) "The Amazing Tour Is Not On Fire"

P: So good. D: Yet to be beaten.
P: It was so good.

D: Dan and Phil, they really came in and
set the bar. P: We did.

D: The things we did.
P: That. D: Mm.

P: So why are you are you doing a book?
D: And that's on full stop.

P: Boop. Boop.
D: What?

P: Why are you doin a book?

D: Are you a- (P laughs) are you- are you
letting me (P: I'm- look) do some self-promo

- right now, oh my God.
- P: Even though this is a Dan- like I

P: wanna give you your spon!
[twinkly sound effect] spon!

P: Click the link below, pre-order Dan's book!
D: Aw, listen to this guy, being supportive!

P: You will get through this
D: Thank you. P: night.

D: I mean, ever since I you know,
depression video, gay video, all these

people are like, "Dan, write a book.
Tell us your story."

And it's like, I'm not gonna write a
memoir. Bitch, firstly I'm 12 years old.

(P: Yeah) Secondly, my life story is on
YouTube. Just go watch it. (P: Yeah)

What do you want from me? Some people
were like, why don't you do, something

about mental health? (P: Yes) and,
in the world of mental health books

most of them are usually, basically what
my Daniel and Depression video is (P: Yeah)

which is, hi, I'm a person who went through
something, this is my story, I'm gonna

dispel misconception, but that doesn't
necessarily help people reading it that much,

(P: No) it's more about a story. Whereas,
you got the self-help, heavy, books, that

are really hard to understand that probably
contain helpful information but people

don't read them. (P: Mm) I think,
Harper Collins, were basically like,

[serious dramatic music]

but Dan, what if, you do a book that
is about the stuff that helps people

but you actually make it, enjoyable
and easy to read, and it's all about you

and your life story? (P: Yeah) and honestly.
thinking about mental health, which

is a serious topic, (P: Yes) as much as we
love to meme.

It was one of those moments where I was
like, I genuinely- I can't not do this (P: Yeah)

So I was like, yes, okay, I'm doing
this book.

P: I think it will help people. Hey,
guess what? I've read the book!

[children in awe] D: Phil, yes, spoliers,
I gave it to Phil. P: Yeah

D: Advanced copy.
P: I'm the first person to read it.

D: Review?
P: Review. [crickets chirping]

P: It's rubbish. (laughs)
[sad music]

P: No, it's a, no, it was, actually,
I'm one of those people that's like

my mental health is fine. I don't
worry about anything, but then

getting into it, I was like, oo I'm actually-
D: Oh, oh honey.

(D laughs) P: No, I'm act- I've actually
learnt so many things that I could be

doing better, aND, learning some stuff
about you as well, it's like-

D: Would you say it was funny?
P: Yeah it was fun-

D: Would you say it was juicy?
P: The thing is, it's funny, but also

helpful, so you're not reading it like,
oh it's a textbook.

D: Oh yeah totally, I mean like
it's full of juicy tea about me,

like I've been doing (P: Yeah) for the last
10 years on YouTube, I'm just splicing

myself open saying look at my insides
and laugh at my pain, (P: Yes)

you're welcome. You might go in,
wanting to sip the tea from Dan's life,

and then come away going, damn it,
I accidentally learnt how to completely

transform my life and now I'm healthier
and happier! (P: Yeah) Ugh, you got me Dan.

Hopefully, I am being entertaining and nice,
you're learning about me, and if you come

away with something that you think will
make you healthier and happier, then,

you know, (P: Yep) I'll be glad
that I wrote it.

P: Well great! You can,
pre-order the book,

- P: It's in the link below!
- D: You can! Awh, thank you Phil.

P: I'm hyped for you Danny.

D: The book was actually supposed to be,
the last thing, (P: Yeah) but now

it's gonna be the first thing. (P: That's fine)
Because of 2020- thanks 2020.

P: Wa-wa-wa. D: Uh, yeah, next year
may be very exciting.

D: It's been a year. Hopefully the people
commenting "Who's watching in 2079?"

will go, "Wow, that was weird." (P: Yeah)
but we all got through it and life

became new and exciting. (P: We did)
Was Dan ever alive? I guess we'll find out.

[static noise]

P: Bye!
D: [high-pitched] Bye, I love you all.

D: [still high-pitched] Have a nice
evening.

[Phil] Thanks for all the love you've
given these shows, if you wanna watch

any of the videos back, with Louise, Seth,
PJ or Martyn, I've put 'em in a handy

playlist here. And remember to click
the link below to join in with the Stereo

afterparty, or if you're listening in
the future, you can go listen back to it

at any time. Goodbye.