HAZBIN HOTEL (PILOT)

WEBVTT

00:00:01.504 --> 00:00:06.520
(film reel clicking)
♪ (light orchestral music) ♪

00:00:08.557 --> 00:00:15.135
- ♪ At the end of the rainbow,
there's happiness ♪

00:00:15.135 --> 00:00:21.817
♪ And to find it,
how often I've tried ♪

00:00:21.817 --> 00:00:27.997
♪ But my life is a race,
just a wild goose chase ♪

00:00:27.997 --> 00:00:34.642
♪ And my dreams
have all been denied ♪

00:00:36.522 --> 00:00:41.528
♪ Why have I always
been a failure? ♪

00:00:41.528 --> 00:00:46.756
♪ What can the reason be? ♪

00:00:47.056 --> 00:00:52.589
♪ I wonder if the
world's to blame ♪

00:00:52.589 --> 00:00:59.122
♪ I wonder if it could be me ♪

00:01:00.961 --> 00:01:06.827
♪ I'm always chasing rainbows ♪

00:01:06.827 --> 00:01:13.209
♪ Watching clouds drifting by ♪

00:01:13.209 --> 00:01:19.280
♪ My schemes are just
like all my dreams ♪

00:01:19.280 --> 00:01:24.214
♪ Ending in the sky ♪

00:01:24.214 --> 00:01:26.440
(fireworks pop)

00:01:26.440 --> 00:01:30.901
♪ Some fellows looking
find the sunshine ♪

00:01:30.901 --> 00:01:36.272
♪ I always look
and find the rain ♪

00:01:36.272 --> 00:01:42.187
♪ Some fellows make
a winning sometime ♪

00:01:42.187 --> 00:01:48.225
♪ I never even make
the game, believe me ♪

00:01:49.855 --> 00:01:58.707
♪ I'm always chasing rainbows ♪

00:01:58.707 --> 00:02:04.382
♪ Waiting to find
a little bluebird ♪

00:02:04.382 --> 00:02:11.059
♪ In vain ♪
(clock tower tolling)

00:02:11.609 --> 00:02:14.473
♪ (somber musical sting) ♪

00:02:18.440 --> 00:02:21.777
♪ (demonic music) ♪
(creature screaming)

00:02:21.939 --> 00:02:22.861
(thud!)

00:02:22.861 --> 00:02:25.183
(moans) Huh?

00:02:25.183 --> 00:02:28.184
Oh. I'm alive! I'm alive!

00:02:28.184 --> 00:02:30.407
(splat)
(car honks, tires squeal)

00:02:30.407 --> 00:02:33.945
- (man) Heh. Thanks for
the fun time, hot stuff.

00:02:33.945 --> 00:02:36.784
- Yeah, yeah, listen.
Keep this discreet, you hear me?

00:02:36.784 --> 00:02:38.782
I can't let it get out
I'm offering my services

00:02:38.782 --> 00:02:40.754
to randos on the street.

00:02:40.754 --> 00:02:43.110
It was a quick
cash grab, you got it?

00:02:43.110 --> 00:02:46.271
- (sputters) Whatever
you say, slut. (chuckles)

00:02:46.271 --> 00:02:48.443
- (sarcastic) Ouch, ooh, such an insult.

00:02:48.443 --> 00:02:49.647
Let me know when you
come up with something

00:02:49.647 --> 00:02:52.727
creative to call me, you sack
of poorly packaged horseshit.

00:02:52.727 --> 00:02:55.583
Tell the missus I said hi...
(smooch) shnookum.

00:02:55.583 --> 00:02:56.444
- Back up.

00:02:56.444 --> 00:03:00.453
(mutters as car screeches
away and crashes)

00:03:00.453 --> 00:03:01.845
- Hmm?

00:03:02.717 --> 00:03:05.084
(machine clatters)

00:03:06.045 --> 00:03:08.170
(distant boom)

00:03:08.170 --> 00:03:09.357
- Yoink!
- Hey!

00:03:09.437 --> 00:03:10.740
- Up yours, drag show!

00:03:10.740 --> 00:03:11.790
(thud)

00:03:11.790 --> 00:03:14.053
- (gasps) Oh, my God!

00:03:15.078 --> 00:03:17.760
My drugs! Damn it!

00:03:17.760 --> 00:03:21.240
(lasers firing and explosions)

00:03:21.240 --> 00:03:26.467
- (laughing maniacally)
(egg creatures giggling)

00:03:26.467 --> 00:03:28.317
Those other cowardly sinners

00:03:28.317 --> 00:03:31.236
dare not hinder
my territorial takeover!

00:03:31.236 --> 00:03:34.704
A wise decision. The power
of my machines are unmatched!

00:03:34.704 --> 00:03:38.573
No other demon can
compare to the likes of I!

00:03:38.573 --> 00:03:42.841
- Gee, that was
pretty swell, boss.

00:03:42.841 --> 00:03:44.105
- Yeah.

00:03:44.105 --> 00:03:46.500
- You really showed
them what for.

00:03:46.500 --> 00:03:48.871
I liked it when you shot them
with your ray gun.

00:03:48.871 --> 00:03:52.341
- I wish he'd shoot me
with his ray gun.

00:03:53.433 --> 00:03:57.267
- At this rate, I will seize
control of the entire west side

00:03:57.267 --> 00:03:59.433
of the pentagram by day's end.

00:03:59.433 --> 00:04:03.672
And nothing, not a single beast
in this inferno of suffering,

00:04:03.672 --> 00:04:05.720
will be able to take
back this empire

00:04:05.720 --> 00:04:10.062
from my constrictive grasp!
(party favors toot) (eggs cheer)

00:04:10.062 --> 00:04:13.636
- Oh, boy!
- Hell will be mine,

00:04:13.636 --> 00:04:16.463
and everybody will know
the name of Sir--

00:04:16.463 --> 00:04:20.082
- (woman) Edgelord!
- Pardon? Who said that?

00:04:20.082 --> 00:04:24.026
What did you just say to me,
you fried chicken fetuses?

00:04:24.026 --> 00:04:27.708
Speak up!
- That wasn't us, Mr. Boss Man.

00:04:27.708 --> 00:04:29.479
(object whistling and hissing)

00:04:29.479 --> 00:04:30.864
(glass breaks)

00:04:30.864 --> 00:04:33.860
(fuse sizzling)
(thunk, thunk, thunk)

00:04:35.407 --> 00:04:37.333
(boom!)

00:04:37.333 --> 00:04:39.316
- (hacking)

00:04:39.316 --> 00:04:43.516
- You looking for
a fight, old man?

00:04:43.516 --> 00:04:48.125
Why don't you get that
tinker toy bullshit off my turf

00:04:48.125 --> 00:04:49.905
before I smash it!

00:04:49.905 --> 00:04:51.497
(crash)
...More.

00:04:51.497 --> 00:04:55.699
- Oh, you want to go, Missy?
Well, I'm happy to oblige!

00:04:55.699 --> 00:04:57.899
AH HA HA!

00:04:58.689 --> 00:05:00.866
♪ (news theme) ♪

00:05:00.866 --> 00:05:02.746
- Good afternoon.
I'm Katie Killjoy.

00:05:02.746 --> 00:05:04.122
- And I'm Tom Trench.

00:05:04.122 --> 00:05:05.743
Chaos out of
Pentagram City today

00:05:05.743 --> 00:05:07.744
as a turf war is raging
on the west side

00:05:07.744 --> 00:05:09.669
between notable
kingpin Sir Pentious

00:05:09.669 --> 00:05:13.001
and self-proclaimed spunky
powerhouse Cherry Bomb.

00:05:13.001 --> 00:05:15.601
- That's right, Tom.
After the recent extermination,

00:05:15.601 --> 00:05:17.969
many areas are now up for grabs.

00:05:17.969 --> 00:05:20.547
(background fighting)
Demons all over Hell
are already duking it out

00:05:20.547 --> 00:05:22.254
to gain new territory.

00:05:22.254 --> 00:05:25.085
- (Tom) Those two seem
to really be going at it, huh?

00:05:25.085 --> 00:05:27.835
- Looks like they're fighting
tooth and nail for that hot spot.

00:05:27.835 --> 00:05:30.637
- And I'd sure like to nail
her hot spot. (chuckles)

00:05:30.637 --> 00:05:32.895
- Hehe, you are
a limpdick jackass, Tom.

00:05:32.895 --> 00:05:35.696
Or should I say... no dick?
- Not again!

00:05:35.696 --> 00:05:37.981
- Coming up next up next,
we have an exclusive interview

00:05:37.981 --> 00:05:40.848
with the daughter of
Hell's own head honcho,

00:05:40.848 --> 00:05:44.456
who's here to discuss
her brand-new passion project.

00:05:44.456 --> 00:05:46.715
All that and more
after the break.

00:05:46.715 --> 00:05:48.817
Suck it up, you little bi--
(test tone)

00:05:49.241 --> 00:05:52.457
- (sighs) Okay. You
remember what to say?

00:05:52.457 --> 00:05:55.487
- (takes deep breath)
Yes. Let's do this.

00:05:55.487 --> 00:05:57.747
- Just look at me,
and I'll mouth it to you.

00:05:57.747 --> 00:06:00.709
- (annoyed) Come on,
Vaggie, I know what to say.

00:06:00.709 --> 00:06:04.099
I just feel like we need
to, I don't know,

00:06:04.099 --> 00:06:07.405
make things sound more
exciting? (gasps) Ohhh!

00:06:07.405 --> 00:06:10.050
What if I si--
- Sing a song about it?

00:06:10.050 --> 00:06:13.685
- You knew I was gonna say that.
- Because I know you.

00:06:13.685 --> 00:06:16.543
But please don't sing.
This is serious.

00:06:16.543 --> 00:06:19.764
- Well, you know, I'm better
at expressing myself

00:06:19.764 --> 00:06:21.525
and my goals through song!

00:06:21.525 --> 00:06:23.697
- But life isn't a musical, hun.

00:06:23.697 --> 00:06:27.120
- Fine, but I have these
other ideas of what to say.

00:06:27.120 --> 00:06:29.969
(eagerly) The highlighted
bits are the best parts!

00:06:29.969 --> 00:06:32.190
- Uh, it's all highlighted.

00:06:32.190 --> 00:06:34.316
Is this a drawing?

00:06:34.316 --> 00:06:36.596
- Yes! That's the happy
ending. See?

00:06:36.596 --> 00:06:39.694
Everyone's smiling
and happy in Heaven.

00:06:39.694 --> 00:06:41.188
- I don't think
it's that simple.

00:06:41.188 --> 00:06:44.496
Just PLEASE follow the talking
points we went over.

00:06:44.496 --> 00:06:47.561
(emphasizing) And do not sing.

00:06:47.561 --> 00:06:50.110
- (annoyed) Okay, fine.

00:06:50.110 --> 00:06:51.824
(terrible British accent)
I'll just have to resort

00:06:51.824 --> 00:06:54.788
to my impeccable improv skills.

00:06:56.246 --> 00:06:59.676
Hi. I'm Charlie.
- (low growl)

00:06:59.676 --> 00:07:01.559
Katie Killjoy.
(blows)

00:07:01.559 --> 00:07:04.328
I'd say it's a pleasure to meet
you, but that would be a lie.

00:07:04.328 --> 00:07:07.442
You can put that away.
I don't touch the gays.

00:07:07.442 --> 00:07:09.825
I have standards.
- Yeah?

00:07:09.825 --> 00:07:12.551
How's, uh-- how's that
working out for ya?

00:07:12.551 --> 00:07:15.898
- Look, my time is money,
so I'll keep this short.

00:07:15.898 --> 00:07:18.359
You're not here because
we wanted you here.

00:07:18.359 --> 00:07:20.292
You're here because
Jeffrey couldn't make it

00:07:20.292 --> 00:07:22.322
for his cannibal
cooking segment.

00:07:22.322 --> 00:07:23.594
(oven bell dings)
You might be some

00:07:23.594 --> 00:07:26.023
royal big shot, but that
doesn't mean shit to me.

00:07:26.023 --> 00:07:28.899
I'm too rich and too influential
to give a flying fuck

00:07:28.899 --> 00:07:31.605
about what some tux-wearing
demon "princess"

00:07:31.605 --> 00:07:33.786
wants to advertise.
- But I--

00:07:33.786 --> 00:07:35.213
- So don't get cute
with me, honey,

00:07:35.213 --> 00:07:37.114
or I will fucking bury you.

00:07:37.114 --> 00:07:38.276
- (director) And we're live!

00:07:38.276 --> 00:07:39.356
- Welcome back!
(cracking)

00:07:39.356 --> 00:07:42.687
So Charlotte.
- It's Charlie.

00:07:42.687 --> 00:07:45.815
- Whatever. Tell us about this
new passion project you've been

00:07:45.815 --> 00:07:48.458
insistently pestering
our news station about.
(knife shing!)

00:07:48.458 --> 00:07:51.368
- Well... (clears throat)

00:07:51.368 --> 00:07:55.229
(sighs) As most of you know,
I was born here in Hell.

00:07:55.229 --> 00:07:57.824
And growing up, I always
tried to see the good

00:07:57.824 --> 00:08:00.121
in everything around me.
(slug shrieks)

00:08:00.121 --> 00:08:03.284
Hell is my home and--
(splat!)
--you are my people.

00:08:03.284 --> 00:08:06.846
We-- we just went through
another extermination.

00:08:06.846 --> 00:08:10.347
We lost so many souls,
and it breaks my heart

00:08:10.347 --> 00:08:13.618
to see my people being
slaughtered every year.

00:08:13.618 --> 00:08:17.759
No one is even given a chance.
I can't stand idly by

00:08:17.759 --> 00:08:21.290
while the place I live is
subjected to such violence.

00:08:21.290 --> 00:08:26.057
So... I've been thinking.
Isn't there a more humane way

00:08:26.057 --> 00:08:28.874
to hinder overpopulation
here in Hell?

00:08:28.874 --> 00:08:33.122
Perhaps we can create an
alternative way to change souls

00:08:33.122 --> 00:08:37.328
through... redemption?
Well, I think yes.

00:08:37.328 --> 00:08:40.055
So that's what this project
aims to achieve.

00:08:40.055 --> 00:08:44.829
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm
opening the first of its kind,

00:08:44.829 --> 00:08:47.879
a hotel that
rehabilitates sinners!

00:08:47.879 --> 00:08:49.760
(silence)

00:08:50.791 --> 00:08:52.857
(creak)
(nervously) You know?

00:08:52.857 --> 00:08:58.223
'Cause hotels are for people
passing through temporarily.
- (murmuring)

00:08:58.223 --> 00:09:01.791
- (chuckles)
Is this girl for real?

00:09:01.791 --> 00:09:04.903
She thinks-- you hear
what she thinks?

00:09:04.903 --> 00:09:08.155
She-- ha ha! Oh, she's nuts.

00:09:08.155 --> 00:09:09.778
- (Charlie) I figure it
would serve a purpose,

00:09:09.778 --> 00:09:13.353
a place to work
towards redemption.

00:09:13.353 --> 00:09:15.062
(sheepishly) Yay.

00:09:15.062 --> 00:09:16.172
(footsteps)

00:09:16.592 --> 00:09:17.442
(radio feedback)

00:09:17.592 --> 00:09:19.206
- Stupid bitch.

00:09:19.206 --> 00:09:20.510
(pow!)
(crashing)

00:09:21.348 --> 00:09:24.079
- Look, every single one of you

00:09:24.079 --> 00:09:26.601
has something good
deep down inside.

00:09:26.601 --> 00:09:29.063
I know you do.

00:09:29.638 --> 00:09:32.063
Maybe I'm not
getting through to you.

00:09:32.063 --> 00:09:33.849
- Oh, no.

00:09:33.849 --> 00:09:35.289
(fingers snap)

00:09:38.005 --> 00:09:41.735
- ♪ I have a dream
I'm here to tell ♪

00:09:41.735 --> 00:09:45.183
♪ About a wonderful,
fantastic new hotel ♪

00:09:45.183 --> 00:09:48.682
♪ Yes, it's one of a kind,
right here in Hell ♪

00:09:48.682 --> 00:09:51.679
♪ Catering to
a specific clientele ♪

00:09:51.679 --> 00:09:54.519
- (chorus) ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

00:09:54.519 --> 00:09:56.784
- ♪ Inside of every demon
is a rainbow ♪

00:09:56.784 --> 00:09:59.379
♪ Inside every sinner
is a shiny smile ♪

00:09:59.379 --> 00:10:02.108
♪ Inside of every creepy,
hatchet-wielding maniac ♪

00:10:02.108 --> 00:10:04.953
♪ Is a jolly, happy,
cupcake-loving child ♪

00:10:04.953 --> 00:10:06.356
♪ We can turn them 'round ♪

00:10:06.356 --> 00:10:07.728
♪ They'll be Heaven-bound ♪

00:10:07.728 --> 00:10:09.518
♪ With just a little time down ♪

00:10:09.518 --> 00:10:12.192
♪ At the Happy Hotel ♪

00:10:12.192 --> 00:10:14.386
♪ So all you junkies,
freaks, and weirdos ♪

00:10:14.386 --> 00:10:15.886
♪ Creepers, fuck-ups,
crooks, and zeros ♪

00:10:15.886 --> 00:10:17.149
♪ And downfallen superheroes ♪

00:10:17.149 --> 00:10:18.387
♪ Hope is here ♪

00:10:18.387 --> 00:10:19.718
♪ All of you cretins,
slobs, and losers ♪

00:10:19.718 --> 00:10:21.087
♪ Sexual deviants and boozers ♪

00:10:21.087 --> 00:10:22.387
♪ And prescription drug abusers ♪

00:10:22.387 --> 00:10:23.718
♪ Need not fear ♪

00:10:23.718 --> 00:10:25.100
♪ Forever again ♪

00:10:25.100 --> 00:10:26.295
♪ We'll cure your sin ♪

00:10:26.295 --> 00:10:27.653
♪ We'll make you well ♪

00:10:27.653 --> 00:10:29.078
♪ You'll feel so swell ♪

00:10:29.078 --> 00:10:30.725
♪ Right here in Hell ♪

00:10:30.725 --> 00:10:34.408
♪ At the Happy Hotel ♪

00:10:34.408 --> 00:10:37.901
♪ There'll be no more fire
and no more screams ♪

00:10:37.901 --> 00:10:41.491
♪ Just puppy dog kisses
and cotton candy dreams ♪

00:10:41.491 --> 00:10:43.094
♪ And puffy-wuffy clouds ♪

00:10:43.094 --> 00:10:44.915
♪ You're gonna be like, "Wow!" ♪

00:10:44.915 --> 00:10:51.419
♪ Once you check in with meeee ♪

00:10:51.419 --> 00:10:52.918
♪ So all your cartoon
porn addictions ♪

00:10:52.918 --> 00:10:54.152
♪ Vegan rants,
psychic predictions ♪

00:10:54.152 --> 00:10:55.251
♪ Ancient Roman crucifixions ♪

00:10:55.251 --> 00:10:56.289
♪ End right here ♪

00:10:56.289 --> 00:10:57.751
♪ All you monsters,
thieves, and crazies ♪

00:10:57.751 --> 00:10:59.036
♪ Cannibals and crying babies ♪

00:10:59.036 --> 00:11:00.420
♪ Frothing mouthers
full of rabies ♪

00:11:00.420 --> 00:11:01.480
♪ Fill with cheer ♪

00:11:01.480 --> 00:11:02.689
♪ You'll be complete ♪

00:11:02.689 --> 00:11:03.915
♪ It'll be so neat ♪

00:11:03.915 --> 00:11:04.976
♪ Our service can't be beat ♪

00:11:04.976 --> 00:11:06.361
♪ You'll be on Easy Street ♪

00:11:06.361 --> 00:11:08.108
♪ Yes! Life will be sweet ♪

00:11:08.108 --> 00:11:11.587
♪ At the Happy Hotel! ♪

00:11:11.587 --> 00:11:13.428
♪ (holding note) ♪

00:11:13.428 --> 00:11:14.618
Yeah!

00:11:14.669 --> 00:11:18.239
(silence) (Charlie panting)

00:11:18.239 --> 00:11:19.990
- Wow!

00:11:19.990 --> 00:11:21.558
That was shit.

00:11:21.558 --> 00:11:25.231
(demons laughing uproariously)

00:11:26.987 --> 00:11:28.559
- Boo.

00:11:28.559 --> 00:11:30.791
- What in the nine circles

00:11:30.791 --> 00:11:33.373
makes you think
a single denizen of Hell

00:11:33.373 --> 00:11:37.386
would give two shits about
becoming a better person?

00:11:37.386 --> 00:11:41.199
You have no proof that this
little experiment even works.

00:11:41.199 --> 00:11:44.823
You want people to be
good, just because?

00:11:44.823 --> 00:11:47.453
(laughter continues)
- Well, we have a patron already

00:11:47.453 --> 00:11:50.957
who believes in our cause, and
he's shown incredible progress.

00:11:50.957 --> 00:11:53.925
- Oh? And who might that be?

00:11:53.925 --> 00:11:58.631
- Oh, just someone
named Angel Dust.

00:11:58.631 --> 00:12:01.735
- The porn star?
- You fucking would, Tom.
(nails screech)

00:12:02.170 --> 00:12:05.516
In any case, that's not
even an accomplishment.

00:12:05.516 --> 00:12:07.895
I'm sure you can get
that hooker to do anything

00:12:07.895 --> 00:12:09.633
with enough
booger sugar and lube.

00:12:09.633 --> 00:12:11.525
- Oh, I beg to differ.

00:12:11.525 --> 00:12:14.361
He's been behaved, clean,
and out of trouble

00:12:14.361 --> 00:12:17.114
for two weeks now.
- (man) Breaking news.

00:12:17.114 --> 00:12:19.591
♪ (news theme) ♪
- We are receiving word

00:12:19.591 --> 00:12:22.491
that a new player has
entered the ongoing turf war.

00:12:22.491 --> 00:12:24.346
Let's go to the live feed.

00:12:24.346 --> 00:12:27.689
(rioting sounds,
Angel Dust cackling)

00:12:27.689 --> 00:12:30.791
- Oh, shit.
- "Oh, shit," indeed.

00:12:30.791 --> 00:12:32.624
It looks like the one
who just joined the battle

00:12:32.624 --> 00:12:36.893
is none other than (gasps)
porn actor Angel Dust.

00:12:36.893 --> 00:12:39.655
What a juicy coincidence.

00:12:39.655 --> 00:12:42.325
You must feel really
stupid right now.
- (wolf whistle)

00:12:42.325 --> 00:12:45.884
- (both chuckling) Ratings!

00:12:45.884 --> 00:12:47.884
- (frantically)
Don't look at this!

00:12:47.884 --> 00:12:50.060
- Well, it sure looks
like your little project

00:12:50.060 --> 00:12:51.726
is dead on arrival.

00:12:51.726 --> 00:12:55.356
Tell us, how does it feel
to be such a total failure?

00:12:55.356 --> 00:12:58.814
(laughter)
- Yeah, well, how does it feel

00:12:58.814 --> 00:13:01.628
that I got your pen, huh?
...Bitch?

00:13:01.628 --> 00:13:04.989
♪ (dramatic chord) ♪
Heh-heh. Oops.

00:13:04.989 --> 00:13:06.134
(Tom scampers away)

00:13:06.494 --> 00:13:07.354
(shing!)

00:13:07.354 --> 00:13:08.490
- (roars)

00:13:08.490 --> 00:13:09.340
(poof!)
- Hey,

00:13:09.340 --> 00:13:12.059
thanks for the backup, Angie.
- (laughs) You kiddin'?

00:13:12.059 --> 00:13:14.763
This is the best action
I've seen in ages.

00:13:14.763 --> 00:13:16.177
- Where you been anyway?

00:13:16.177 --> 00:13:18.229
I thought you up
and died or some shit.

00:13:18.229 --> 00:13:21.241
- Oh, I wish. I've been
staying at this crappy hotel

00:13:21.241 --> 00:13:22.886
on the other side of town.
(whistle of bomb falling)

00:13:22.886 --> 00:13:26.212
Some broads are letting me
stay rent-free if I play nice.

00:13:26.212 --> 00:13:29.547
(poof!)
(sighs) You know, no fights,

00:13:29.547 --> 00:13:33.417
no pranks, no "problematic
language." Her words, not mine.

00:13:33.417 --> 00:13:37.926
These crazy bitches are no fun!
I've been clean for two weeks.

00:13:37.926 --> 00:13:40.859
- Holy shit.
- Well, sorta clean.

00:13:40.859 --> 00:13:43.378
Just clean as you can get
while doing a shitload

00:13:43.378 --> 00:13:45.118
of Bolivian marching powder.

00:13:45.118 --> 00:13:46.245
(yelps)

00:13:46.245 --> 00:13:49.376
(chains rattle)
Oh, harder, Daddy~

00:13:49.376 --> 00:13:50.682
- (gasps) Son?

00:13:51.857 --> 00:13:54.077
(train horn sounds, loud wallop)

00:13:54.077 --> 00:13:56.138
(enraged snarl)

00:13:56.138 --> 00:13:59.921
You whores have no class.
In war, the side remembered

00:13:59.921 --> 00:14:02.912
is the side with
the most... style.

00:14:02.912 --> 00:14:05.873
- Or the side that ain't dead.
- Speaking of style,

00:14:05.873 --> 00:14:08.178
is your hat, like,
alive or something?

00:14:08.178 --> 00:14:12.196
- Oh, well, that's none of your
goddamn business. Now, is it?

00:14:12.196 --> 00:14:15.117
- (chuckles) Would that make your hat
the top and you the bottom?

00:14:15.117 --> 00:14:17.213
- Ooh!
(distant air horn blares)

00:14:17.213 --> 00:14:20.615
(bonk!)
- I'm going to blow you to bits.

00:14:20.615 --> 00:14:23.874
- Hmm, kinky.
- Oh, not like that, pervert!

00:14:23.942 --> 00:14:24.682
(egg scrambling)

00:14:24.682 --> 00:14:26.052
(shove)
- (Cherry Bomb) Oof!

00:14:27.190 --> 00:14:30.550
Not so cocky now, are we?
- You know,

00:14:30.550 --> 00:14:32.914
you really gotta watch
what comes out of your mouth.

00:14:32.914 --> 00:14:35.803
I've been making these sex jokes
the whole... TIME!

00:14:35.803 --> 00:14:38.280
And it's obvious
you ain't catchin' on.

00:14:38.280 --> 00:14:40.674
I mean, it's just sad!
(gunfire)

00:14:41.210 --> 00:14:43.826
- So, think you're gonna get
in a lot of trouble for this?

00:14:43.826 --> 00:14:46.212
- Ehh, what's one little
brawl gonna cause?

00:14:46.212 --> 00:14:48.016
(panicking and rioting)

00:14:48.016 --> 00:14:50.475
- (Tom) Why won't anyone help me?!

00:14:50.475 --> 00:14:52.476
- (Cherry Bomb) Glad you haven't changed.

00:14:52.476 --> 00:14:55.256
You know you're my
favorite guy to party with.

00:14:55.256 --> 00:14:56.884
- You know it, sugar tits.

00:14:56.884 --> 00:15:00.445
- You ready to finish this?
- Born ready, baby.

00:15:00.445 --> 00:15:04.285
(collective screaming)

00:15:08.248 --> 00:15:11.876
(engine rumbling)

00:15:11.876 --> 00:15:14.698
(window whirring up and down)
- (sighs)

00:15:14.698 --> 00:15:18.360
(whirring continues)

00:15:20.912 --> 00:15:22.844
(whirring stops)

00:15:24.230 --> 00:15:27.027
- What?
- "What"? "What"?!

00:15:27.027 --> 00:15:28.697
What were you doing?!

00:15:28.697 --> 00:15:30.761
- (sighs) I owed my
girl buddy a solid.

00:15:30.761 --> 00:15:32.610
Isn't that a
"redeeming quality,"

00:15:32.610 --> 00:15:34.289
helping friends with stuff?

00:15:34.289 --> 00:15:37.888
- Not with turf wars that
result in territorial genocide!

00:15:37.888 --> 00:15:41.994
- Ehh, you win some, you lose
a few hundred. (chuckles)

00:15:41.994 --> 00:15:43.809
It wasn't that bad anyway.

00:15:44.280 --> 00:15:46.060
(fwip, thunk!)
(crackle)

00:15:46.171 --> 00:15:49.037
- (low growl)
- Oh, come on! I had to!

00:15:49.037 --> 00:15:51.713
My credibility was
on the line. (sighs)

00:15:51.713 --> 00:15:53.220
I mean, what kind of
reputation would I have

00:15:53.220 --> 00:15:55.253
if people found out
I was trying to go clean?

00:15:55.253 --> 00:15:57.782
It just throws out
my entire persona.

00:15:57.782 --> 00:16:00.285
- Your credibility?
What about the hotel's?

00:16:00.285 --> 00:16:03.330
Your little stunt made us
look like a fucking joke.

00:16:03.330 --> 00:16:06.490
- (laughing) No, no, no, babe.
Jokes are funny.

00:16:06.490 --> 00:16:11.114
I made you look, uh,
sad and pathetic...

00:16:11.114 --> 00:16:14.995
like an orphan with
no arms... or legs...

00:16:14.995 --> 00:16:17.614
uh... Oh! With progeria.

00:16:17.614 --> 00:16:20.728
Great, now I'm bummed
thinking about it.

00:16:20.728 --> 00:16:22.123
This thing have any liquor?

00:16:22.123 --> 00:16:25.320
- Can you please just try
to take this seriously?

00:16:25.320 --> 00:16:28.912
- Fine, I'll try. Just don't get
your taco in a twist, baby. (snap, ding!)

00:16:28.912 --> 00:16:31.512
- Was that you trying
to be sexist or racist?

00:16:31.512 --> 00:16:33.084
- Whatever pisses you off more.

00:16:33.084 --> 00:16:35.212
Is there seriously
no liquor in here?

00:16:35.212 --> 00:16:36.820
- I'm gonna kill him.

00:16:36.820 --> 00:16:40.432
- Too late, toots. Wait, would
that make me double-dead?

00:16:40.432 --> 00:16:45.758
Heh. Where exactly do I go,
to Double Hell? (laughing)

00:16:45.758 --> 00:16:49.065
Sorry, you're stuck with me,
bitch. Get used to it.

00:16:49.065 --> 00:16:51.119
- (muttering) Come
mierda, malparido.

00:16:51.119 --> 00:16:54.049
- Listen, who cares
if some jagoffs got hurt.

00:16:54.049 --> 00:16:56.575
Most of them are ugly
freaks. Look around.

00:16:56.575 --> 00:16:58.683
You got a bunch of fuckin'
harlequin babies down here. (laughs)

00:16:58.683 --> 00:17:02.087
- You're one to talk.
- Hey! This body is flawless.

00:17:02.087 --> 00:17:03.623
Everyone wants some of me,

00:17:03.623 --> 00:17:06.022
and I got the creepy
fan letters to prove it.

00:17:06.022 --> 00:17:08.052
♪ (saxophone note) ♪
- (growls)

00:17:08.052 --> 00:17:11.182
- That was really uncool,
you know, Angel.

00:17:11.182 --> 00:17:13.016
- "Uncool"?
After that train wreck,

00:17:13.016 --> 00:17:16.395
there is no way anyone is gonna
want to stay at the hotel,

00:17:16.395 --> 00:17:19.882
all thanks to you
and your selfish bullshit!

00:17:19.882 --> 00:17:22.815
- Does that mean I don't
have a free room anymore?

00:17:22.815 --> 00:17:24.515
(creaky rattle)

00:17:24.515 --> 00:17:26.311
Ah, well, shucks.

00:17:26.311 --> 00:17:30.456
- Hey, come on. We don't
know if things are over yet.

00:17:30.456 --> 00:17:33.606
Try to relax, Vaggie.
It'll be okay.

00:17:33.606 --> 00:17:36.476
♪ (soft piano music) ♪

00:17:38.051 --> 00:17:40.245
(doors bang loudly)

00:17:40.245 --> 00:17:44.626
(footsteps and creaking echo)

00:17:45.973 --> 00:17:47.458
- Ugh!

00:17:52.615 --> 00:17:54.105
(dripping)

00:17:56.073 --> 00:17:57.775
- It's probably
a good idea to get

00:17:57.775 --> 00:18:00.844
some actual food in
this place. You know,

00:18:00.844 --> 00:18:04.188
to feed all the wayward souls
you got in here. (chuckles)

00:18:04.188 --> 00:18:06.456
(chuckling dies down)

00:18:06.456 --> 00:18:07.713
Ehh...

00:18:11.475 --> 00:18:12.915
(Angel Dust walks away)

00:18:19.438 --> 00:18:20.587
(demon grunts)

00:18:20.844 --> 00:18:22.293
(series of tones)

00:18:23.127 --> 00:18:24.127
(beep)

00:18:24.127 --> 00:18:30.133
- Hey, Mom. Um, I know I keep
calling, and you must be busy...

00:18:30.133 --> 00:18:35.734
Really busy... Uh, but, um,
the interview didn't go well.

00:18:35.734 --> 00:18:40.562
And... I don't know if I'm
going to make a difference.

00:18:40.562 --> 00:18:43.075
I don't know what I'm doing.

00:18:43.075 --> 00:18:45.622
I could really use
some advice, Mom.

00:18:45.622 --> 00:18:50.265
I... I think Dad
was right about me.

00:18:50.265 --> 00:18:56.193
Eh-heh, oof, ehh, anyway, I'll stop
talking before this gets long.

00:18:56.193 --> 00:18:59.116
Love you. Bye.

00:18:59.376 --> 00:19:00.176
(taps screen)

00:19:01.330 --> 00:19:02.330
(door shuts)

00:19:06.285 --> 00:19:08.561
(echoing knocking)

00:19:08.849 --> 00:19:12.234
♪ (ominous music) ♪

00:19:16.352 --> 00:19:17.732
(eerie strings)

00:19:17.732 --> 00:19:18.798
(light static warble)

00:19:19.691 --> 00:19:21.234
- (tinny voice) Hel...

00:19:21.234 --> 00:19:24.088
...lo.
- Hey, Vaggie?

00:19:24.088 --> 00:19:25.005
- (annoyed) What?

00:19:25.005 --> 00:19:27.273
- The Radio Demon
is at the door.

00:19:27.273 --> 00:19:28.972
- What?!
- Uh, who?

00:19:28.972 --> 00:19:32.549
- What should I do?
- (scoff) Well, don't let him in.

00:19:33.154 --> 00:19:35.284
♪ (eerie music) ♪

00:19:35.379 --> 00:19:38.035
- May I speak now?
- You may.

00:19:38.035 --> 00:19:40.086
- Alastor! Pleasure to be
meeting you, sweetheart.

00:19:40.086 --> 00:19:42.176
Quite a pleasure!
Excuse my sudden visit,

00:19:42.176 --> 00:19:44.271
but I saw your fiasco
on a picture show,

00:19:44.271 --> 00:19:47.263
and I just couldn't resist.
What a performance!

00:19:47.263 --> 00:19:48.741
Why, I haven't been
that entertained

00:19:48.741 --> 00:19:51.204
since the stock market
crash of 1929.

00:19:51.204 --> 00:19:54.071
(laughs with studio audience)
So many orphans.

00:19:54.071 --> 00:19:57.251
- Stop right there,
cabrón hijo de perra.

00:19:57.251 --> 00:20:01.761
I know your game, and I'm not
gonna let you hurt anyone here,
- (static warble)

00:20:01.761 --> 00:20:04.305
you pompous, cheesy,
talk show shit lord.

00:20:04.305 --> 00:20:07.197
- Dear, if I wanted
to hurt anyone here,

00:20:07.197 --> 00:20:12.863
I would have done so already.
(heavily distorted static)

00:20:12.863 --> 00:20:14.010
(silence)

00:20:14.010 --> 00:20:16.195
- No, I'm here because
I want to help.

00:20:16.195 --> 00:20:19.662
- Say what now?
- Help. Heh-heh-heh.

00:20:19.662 --> 00:20:23.268
Hello? Is this thing on?
Testing, testing.
(tap, tap)

00:20:23.268 --> 00:20:25.125
- (another voice) Well,
I heard you loud and clear.

00:20:25.125 --> 00:20:28.956
- Um, you want to help with...?

00:20:28.956 --> 00:20:32.337
- This ridiculous thing
you're trying to do, this hotel.

00:20:32.337 --> 00:20:36.650
I want to help you run it.
- But... why?

00:20:36.650 --> 00:20:38.962
- Ha-ha-ha. Why does
anyone do anything?

00:20:38.962 --> 00:20:44.521
Sheer, absolute boredom! I've
lacked inspiration for decades.

00:20:44.521 --> 00:20:49.159
My work became mundane,
lacking focus, aimless.

00:20:49.159 --> 00:20:53.489
I've come to crave a new form
of entertainment. Ha-ha-ha!

00:20:53.489 --> 00:20:56.215
- Does getting into
a fistfight with a reporter

00:20:56.215 --> 00:20:57.926
count as entertainment?

00:20:57.926 --> 00:21:01.654
- Ha-ha-ha! It's the
purest kind, my dear.

00:21:01.654 --> 00:21:07.367
Reality! True passion!
After all, the world is a stage.

00:21:07.367 --> 00:21:10.834
And the stage is a world
of entertainment.

00:21:10.834 --> 00:21:14.430
- So does this mean
that you think it's possible

00:21:14.430 --> 00:21:16.178
to rehabilitate a demon?

00:21:16.178 --> 00:21:20.114
- (laughs with studio audience)
Of course not.
That's wacky nonsense.

00:21:20.114 --> 00:21:23.153
Redemption, oh,
the nonexistent humanity.

00:21:23.153 --> 00:21:25.842
No, no, no, no. I don't
think there's anything left

00:21:25.842 --> 00:21:27.640
that could save such
loathsome sinners.

00:21:27.640 --> 00:21:30.086
The chance given was
the life they lived before.

00:21:30.086 --> 00:21:32.014
The punishment is this!

00:21:32.014 --> 00:21:33.622
There is no undoing
what is done.

00:21:33.622 --> 00:21:35.254
- So then why do
you want to help me

00:21:35.254 --> 00:21:37.114
if you don't believe
in my cause?
(audio feedback)

00:21:37.114 --> 00:21:38.651
- Consider it an investment

00:21:38.651 --> 00:21:41.032
in ongoing
entertainment for myself.

00:21:41.032 --> 00:21:43.413
♪ (swing music) ♪
I want to watch the scum
of the world struggle

00:21:43.413 --> 00:21:45.482
(music stops)
to climb up the
hill of betterment,

00:21:45.482 --> 00:21:48.180
only to repeatedly trip
and tumble

00:21:48.180 --> 00:21:52.532
down to the fiery pit of failure.
(demonic growls and screams)

00:21:53.052 --> 00:21:54.929
- Riiight.

00:21:56.193 --> 00:21:59.685
- Yes, indeedy. I see big
things coming your way,

00:21:59.896 --> 00:22:02.037
and who better
to help you than I?

00:22:02.037 --> 00:22:04.694
- Uh, so, uh, what's the deal
with smiles over there?

00:22:04.694 --> 00:22:06.622
- Wait, you've never
heard of him before?

00:22:06.622 --> 00:22:09.126
You've been here longer than me.
(shoulders creak)

00:22:09.126 --> 00:22:10.124
The Radio Demon,

00:22:10.124 --> 00:22:12.827
one of the most powerful
beings Hell has ever seen?

00:22:12.827 --> 00:22:15.936
- Ehh, not big on politics.
- Ughh.

00:22:15.936 --> 00:22:21.492
♪ (eerie music) ♪
Decades ago, Alastor manifested
in Hell, seemingly overnight.

00:22:21.492 --> 00:22:25.098
He began to topple overlords who
had been dominant for centuries.

00:22:25.098 --> 00:22:27.960
That kind of raw power
had never been harnessed
(static warbles)

00:22:27.960 --> 00:22:29.482
by a mortal soul before.

00:22:29.482 --> 00:22:32.963
Then he broadcast his carnage
all throughout Hell,

00:22:32.963 --> 00:22:35.554
just so everyone could
witness his ability.

00:22:35.554 --> 00:22:39.634
Sinners started calling
him the Radio Demon...

00:22:39.634 --> 00:22:41.377
as lazy as that is.

00:22:41.377 --> 00:22:44.721
♪ (ominous music swells) ♪
Many have speculated what
unimaginable force

00:22:44.721 --> 00:22:49.272
enabled him to rival our world's most
ancient and destructive evils.

00:22:49.272 --> 00:22:51.144
But one thing's for sure,

00:22:51.144 --> 00:22:53.871
he's an unpredictable
source of danger,

00:22:53.871 --> 00:22:58.170
a wicked spirit of mystery,
and a violent monster of chaos

00:22:58.170 --> 00:23:01.320
the likes of which we can't
risk getting involved with

00:23:01.320 --> 00:23:03.925
unless we want to end up erased.

00:23:03.925 --> 00:23:07.922
(music cuts)
- Ya done? (laughs) He looks
like a strawberry pimp.

00:23:07.922 --> 00:23:10.126
- Well, I don't trust him.

00:23:10.126 --> 00:23:13.423
- To be fair, do you trust
any man? Any men?

00:23:13.423 --> 00:23:15.155
(chuckles) Men?

00:23:15.155 --> 00:23:19.131
- Charlie, listen to me.
You can't believe this creep.

00:23:19.131 --> 00:23:24.386
He isn't just a happy face.
- (Alastor hums)
- He's a deal maker, pure evil.

00:23:24.396 --> 00:23:27.771
- He can't be redeemed and is
most likely looking for a way

00:23:27.771 --> 00:23:30.165
to destroy everything
we're trying to do.

00:23:30.165 --> 00:23:34.229
- I... we don't know that.
Look, I know he's bad.

00:23:34.229 --> 00:23:37.302
And I know he probably
doesn't want to change.

00:23:37.302 --> 00:23:40.523
But the whole point of this
is to give people a chance,

00:23:40.523 --> 00:23:43.069
(radio distortion)
- (Charlie) to have faith things will be better.

00:23:43.069 --> 00:23:46.447
How can I turn
someone away? I can't.

00:23:46.447 --> 00:23:48.695
It goes against
everything I'm trying to do,

00:23:48.695 --> 00:23:51.094
everything I believe in.

00:23:51.094 --> 00:23:55.123
Just trust me.
I can take care of myself.

00:23:55.123 --> 00:23:59.227
- Charlie, whatever you do,
do not make a deal with him.
- (radio feedback swells)

00:23:59.227 --> 00:24:02.782
- Don't worry. I've picked up
one thing from my dad.

00:24:02.782 --> 00:24:05.962
(deep voice) "You don't
take shit from other demons."

00:24:05.962 --> 00:24:10.153
Okay. So Al,
you're sketchy as fuck

00:24:10.153 --> 00:24:13.080
and you clearly see what
I'm trying to do here as a joke.
(whoosh)

00:24:13.080 --> 00:24:14.552
But I don't.

00:24:14.552 --> 00:24:16.955
I think everyone
deserves a chance

00:24:16.955 --> 00:24:20.583
to prove they can be better, so
I'm taking your offer to help...

00:24:20.583 --> 00:24:22.583
on the condition
that there be no

00:24:22.583 --> 00:24:25.908
trickster voodoo
strings attached.

00:24:25.908 --> 00:24:28.806
- So it's a deal then?
♪ (magical music) ♪
(whoosh)

00:24:28.806 --> 00:24:31.621
(loud, resonating warbling)
- Agh!

00:24:32.311 --> 00:24:36.722
- Nope. No shaking.
No deals. I... hmm.

00:24:37.264 --> 00:24:40.588
As Princess of Hell
and heir to the throne,

00:24:40.588 --> 00:24:44.630
I, uh, hereby order that
you help with this hotel

00:24:44.630 --> 00:24:47.246
for as long as you desire.

00:24:47.246 --> 00:24:49.973
(distant howl)

00:24:49.973 --> 00:24:52.904
Sound fair?
- Hmm.

00:24:52.904 --> 00:24:55.242
Fair enough.
- Cool beans.

00:24:55.242 --> 00:24:58.212
- ♪ (hums) ♪

00:24:58.639 --> 00:25:00.515
Smile, my dear!

00:25:00.751 --> 00:25:03.450
You know you're never
fully dressed without one.

00:25:03.450 --> 00:25:07.333
♪ (humming) ♪

00:25:07.333 --> 00:25:09.129
So where is your hotel staff?

00:25:09.129 --> 00:25:12.201
- Uh... well...
(creaking head turn)

00:25:12.201 --> 00:25:15.720
(chuckles) Oh, you're going
to need more than that.

00:25:16.001 --> 00:25:18.871
And what can you do,
my effeminate fellow?

NOTE Paragraph

00:25:19.057 --> 00:25:19.885
- I can suck your dick.

00:25:19.965 --> 00:25:20.713
(screeching)

NOTE Paragraph

00:25:20.713 --> 00:25:23.401
- Ha! No.
- Your loss. (zip)

00:25:23.401 --> 00:25:25.035
- Well, this just won't do.

NOTE Paragraph

00:25:25.035 --> 00:25:28.160
I suppose I cash in a few
favors to liven things up.

00:25:28.160 --> 00:25:29.370
(snap) (whoosh)

00:25:29.370 --> 00:25:31.801
♪ (whimsical musical sting) ♪

NOTE Paragraph

00:25:31.934 --> 00:25:34.324
(fire crackling)

00:25:36.935 --> 00:25:38.825
(smoke hiss)

00:25:40.036 --> 00:25:40.776
(squeaking )

00:25:42.347 --> 00:25:43.740
(squee!) (poof!)

00:25:43.740 --> 00:25:46.337
This little darling is Niffty.

00:25:46.337 --> 00:25:49.173
- Hi, I'm Niffty.
It's nice to meet you.

00:25:49.173 --> 00:25:51.775
It's been a while since
I've made new friends, heh-heh.

00:25:51.775 --> 00:25:54.169
Why are you all women?
Are there any men here?!

00:25:54.169 --> 00:25:56.808
I'm sorry if that's rude.
Oh, man, this place is filthy!

00:25:56.808 --> 00:25:58.435
It really needs a lady's touch,

00:25:58.435 --> 00:26:00.835
which is weird because
you're all ladies, no offense.

00:26:00.835 --> 00:26:04.767
Oh, my gosh, this is awful.
Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

00:26:04.767 --> 00:26:06.122
(gasps) Nope.

00:26:06.122 --> 00:26:09.366
- Ha. Read 'em and weep, boys.

00:26:09.366 --> 00:26:13.673
Full h--whoa-tel?
(radio tuning warbles)

00:26:13.673 --> 00:26:15.865
What the fuck is this?
(coin jangles)

00:26:15.865 --> 00:26:17.285
(scornfully) You!

00:26:17.285 --> 00:26:20.391
(studio audience claps)
- Ah, Husker, my good friend.
Glad you could make it.

00:26:20.391 --> 00:26:23.375
Don't you "Husker" me,
you son of a bitch.

00:26:23.375 --> 00:26:25.638
I was about to win
the whole damn pot!

00:26:25.638 --> 00:26:27.175
- Good to see you, too.

00:26:27.175 --> 00:26:29.270
- What the hell do you want
with me this time?

00:26:29.270 --> 00:26:31.371
- My friend, I am doing
some charity work,

00:26:31.371 --> 00:26:34.167
so I took it upon myself
to volunteer your services.

00:26:34.167 --> 00:26:37.018
I hope that's okay.
- Are you shittin' me?

00:26:37.018 --> 00:26:39.047
- Hmm... (morse code beeps)
No, I don't think so!

00:26:39.047 --> 00:26:40.037
(audience laughter)

00:26:40.037 --> 00:26:43.092
- You thought it would be
some kinda big fuckin' riot

00:26:43.092 --> 00:26:45.042
just to pull me outta nowhere?

00:26:45.042 --> 00:26:47.270
You think I'm some
kinda fuckin' clown?

00:26:47.270 --> 00:26:48.532
- Maybe.

00:26:48.532 --> 00:26:51.285
(audience laughs)
- I ain't doin'
no fuckin' charity job.

00:26:51.285 --> 00:26:53.348
- Well, I figured you would
be the perfect face

00:26:53.348 --> 00:26:55.842
(drum roll)
to man the front desk of this
fine establishment.

00:26:55.842 --> 00:26:58.708
(audience clapping)
With your charming smile
and welcoming energy,

00:26:58.708 --> 00:27:01.372
(droop )
this job was made for you!
(ratcheting smile)

00:27:01.372 --> 00:27:05.027
Don't worry, my friend. I can
make this more welcoming...

00:27:05.027 --> 00:27:07.444
if you wish...

00:27:07.444 --> 00:27:09.084
(slot machine warbles down)

00:27:09.084 --> 00:27:10.684
- What? You think you can buy me

00:27:10.684 --> 00:27:12.469
with a wink and
some cheap booze?

00:27:12.469 --> 00:27:14.065
Well, you can.

00:27:14.065 --> 00:27:18.366
- Hey, hey, hey-hey-hey.
No, no bar, no alcohol.

00:27:18.366 --> 00:27:21.098
This is supposed to be place
that discourages sin!

00:27:21.098 --> 00:27:25.297
Not some kind of now...
brothel... man cave.

00:27:25.297 --> 00:27:28.724
- Shut up! Shut up!
(intensely) We are keeping this.

00:27:29.126 --> 00:27:31.440
(flirtatiously) Hey~
- Go fuck yourself.

00:27:31.440 --> 00:27:33.094
- Only if you watch me~

00:27:33.094 --> 00:27:35.890
- Oh, my gosh!
Welcome to the Happy Hotel!

00:27:35.890 --> 00:27:38.009
You are going to love it here!

00:27:38.009 --> 00:27:41.092
- I lost the ability
to love years ago.

00:27:41.092 --> 00:27:43.298
- So what do you think?

00:27:43.298 --> 00:27:46.001
- This is amazing! (squeals)

00:27:46.001 --> 00:27:49.122
- It's... okay.
- (chuckles)

00:27:49.122 --> 00:27:51.869
This is going to be
very entertaining.

00:27:51.959 --> 00:27:53.716
(laughs using radio distortion)

00:27:53.816 --> 00:27:55.712
♪ (upbeat show music) ♪

00:27:55.900 --> 00:27:57.969
♪ You have a dream ♪

00:27:57.969 --> 00:28:00.196
♪ You wish to tell ♪

00:28:00.196 --> 00:28:01.501
♪ And it's just laughable ♪

00:28:01.501 --> 00:28:03.928
♪ But hey, kid, what the Hell? ♪

00:28:03.928 --> 00:28:06.509
♪ 'Cause you're one of a kind ♪

00:28:06.509 --> 00:28:08.273
♪ A charming demon belle ♪

00:28:08.273 --> 00:28:11.316
♪ Now let's give these
burning fools a place to dwell ♪

00:28:11.316 --> 00:28:12.761
Take it, boys!

00:28:12.761 --> 00:28:15.911
♪ (jubilant swing music) ♪

00:28:15.911 --> 00:28:16.893
Ha-ha!
(chorus) -Boo!

00:28:16.893 --> 00:28:20.274
♪ Inside of every demon
is a lost cause, ha ♪

00:28:20.274 --> 00:28:23.202
♪ But we'll dress 'em
up for now with just a smile ♪

00:28:23.202 --> 00:28:25.407
- (chorus) ♪ Wicked smiles! ♪
- ♪ And we'll chlorinate ♪

00:28:25.407 --> 00:28:28.204
♪ This cesspool with some
old redemptive flair ♪

00:28:28.204 --> 00:28:31.351
♪ And show these simpletons
some proper class and style ♪

00:28:31.351 --> 00:28:33.036
- (chorus) ♪ Class and style! ♪
- ♪ Oh! ♪

00:28:33.036 --> 00:28:34.533
♪ Here below the ground ♪

00:28:34.533 --> 00:28:36.201
♪ I'm sure your plan is sound ♪

00:28:36.201 --> 00:28:38.601
♪ They'll spend a little time ♪

00:28:38.601 --> 00:28:41.440
♪ Down at this Hazbin Ho-- ♪
(loud explosion)

00:28:41.440 --> 00:28:43.305
(Niffty yells)
(crash!)

00:28:44.028 --> 00:28:44.938
(radio distorition)

00:28:44.978 --> 00:28:46.123
♪ (dramatic music) ♪

00:28:46.123 --> 00:28:47.996
- Ha! Well, well, well.

00:28:47.996 --> 00:28:51.427
Look who it is
harboring the striped freak.

00:28:51.427 --> 00:28:53.728
We meet yet again, Alastor.

00:28:53.728 --> 00:28:55.195
- Do I know you?

00:28:55.195 --> 00:28:56.259
- (deflates)

00:28:56.259 --> 00:28:58.410
Oh, yes, you do!

00:28:58.410 --> 00:29:02.445
And this time, I have
the element of... (sing-song) surprise!

00:29:02.445 --> 00:29:04.919
HA HA HA!

00:29:04.919 --> 00:29:08.651
I'm so evil! (laughing)

00:29:08.651 --> 00:29:12.182
Whoa... whoa... whoa... oh...

00:29:12.182 --> 00:29:16.187
(screaming)

00:29:16.967 --> 00:29:18.115
That hurt!

00:29:18.115 --> 00:29:21.995
(screaming continues)

00:29:23.395 --> 00:29:25.626
(eggs howling)

00:29:28.193 --> 00:29:31.554
(static warbling)

00:29:31.554 --> 00:29:32.907
♪ (menacing music) ♪

00:29:32.907 --> 00:29:34.117
(static warbles)

00:29:34.117 --> 00:29:36.255
(loud blast)

00:29:36.255 --> 00:29:38.976
(warbling winds down)

00:29:41.125 --> 00:29:44.136
- Well, I'm starved!
Who wants some jambalaya?

00:29:44.136 --> 00:29:46.765
My mother once showed me
a wonderful recipe for jambalaya.

00:29:46.765 --> 00:29:48.931
In fact, it nearly
killed her. Ha-ha-ha!

00:29:48.931 --> 00:29:51.017
You could say the kick
was right out of Hell!

00:29:51.017 --> 00:29:52.883
(laughing) Oh, I'm on a roll!

00:29:52.883 --> 00:29:57.426
Yessir! This is the start of some
real changes down here.

00:29:57.426 --> 00:29:59.234
The game is set.

00:30:00.434 --> 00:30:05.088
Now... stay tuned.

00:30:05.088 --> 00:30:06.959
(devilish chuckle)

00:30:06.960 --> 00:30:09.909
Captioned by Sebby

00:31:29.980 --> 00:31:33.549
(smoke hissing)

00:31:33.549 --> 00:31:35.415
(rattling)

00:31:37.699 --> 00:31:41.051
- Now will you shoot me
with your ray gun?

00:31:41.051 --> 00:31:42.209
(thump)