Loving Speech & Deep Listening | Thich Nhat Hanh (short teaching video)

This is the practice of
the 4th Mindfulness Training

loving speech and deep listening

A bodhisattva is someone who can talk,

can speak with a kind of language

called gentle, loving speech.

A bodhisattva is someone
who can listen with compassion.

And if you train

for three days

you might become a bodhisattva.

And you might talk to him or to her

with that kind of language

and you might listen to him or to her

with that kind of compassion.

You don't have to practice ten years
in order to do that.

A few days may be enough.

Father, daddy, I know
you have suffered so much

in the past many years.

I was not able to help you suffer less.

Instead,

I have reacted angrily

in such a way that makes the situation worse.

Daddy, it is not my intention
to make you suffer.

That's only because I didn't see
the suffering in you.

I did not understand the suffering in you.

So please daddy,

tell me what is in your heart.

Tell me what is in the difficulties,

the despair,

the conflict in your heart.

Please help me

so that I will understand.

If I understand,

I will not react like
the way I have in the past.

Please help me.

If you don't help me,

who will help?

That is the kind of loving speech.

Kindness that you can do,

you can use.

If you learn to look in such a way that

you can see suffering in that person

and recognize the roots
of the suffering in him or her,

it's like a doctor.

If the doctor does not see
the nature of the sickness,

he cannot help,

she cannot help the patient.

It's like the psychotherapist...

If she doesn't understand truly the suffering...

the cause of suffering of her patient,

she cannot help.

That is why understanding suffering

is a crucial practice in Buddhist tradition.

In fact, the First Noble Truth is suffering,

and the Second Noble Truth is

the cause, the nature, the root of suffering.

If you are able to speak like that,

the other person will open his heart

and tell you what is in his heart.

And now you have
an opportunity to practice

"deep listening"

to practice "compassionate listening."

Compassionate listening is a wonderful practice.

You can listen for one hour with compassion.

You help the other person
suffer much less

in one hour.

Compassionate listening is a kind of listening

that has compassion as essence.

Because if you do not practice
mindfulness of compassion,

you cannot listen very long.

You might have a good intention

to listen to him or her

in order to help him or her suffer less.

Your intention might be very good.

But if you do not know the practice of
mindfulness of compassion,

you may lose your capacity of listening.

Because what the other person says

might be full of wrong perceptions,

might be full of bitterness,

accusation, blames.

And that might touch
irritation and anger in you

and you lose your capacity
to listen to him or to her.

That is why you have to
train yourself first

before you begin the practice with him or her.

You have to have the time to look

and see the suffering in him, in her.

You must be ready before you practice.

And during the time of the practice,

you should maintain

mindfulness of compassion alive.

Mindfulness of compassion means

you are aware,

you remember that

you listen to him or to her

with only one purpose.

That is to help him or help her

empty their heart and suffer less.

I am listening to him

with only one purpose:
to help him suffer less.

Therefore if he say wrong things,

if he is bitter,

if he blames,

I still continue to listen.

He may say wrong things

but I am not going to interrupt him.

Because if I interrupt him,

and correct him

then I transform the session into a debate.

And that will ruin everything.

So breathe in and out mindfully,

during the whole session of listening,

and remember just one thing:

Listening to that person,

I only have one purpose:

give him a chance to suffer less.

Just remember one thing

throughout the session.

And you can tell yourself that...

his misunderstanding, his judgement...

these are prejudices and misunderstanding.

In a few days

I will have a chance to give him

to offer him some information

so that he can correct his perception.
But not now.

Now is only to listen.

And if you can keep that alive
in your heart,

in your mind,

by listening with only one purpose,

not to correct,
but to allow him a chance

to speak out to suffer less,

just then it's called
"mindfulness of compassion."

And if you can keep
your mindfulness of compassion

during one hour,

when you listen to him or her,

you are a bodhisattva.

Because the energy of compassion

is in your heart,

you are inhabited
by the energy of compassion,

you are safe.

And if compassion is there,

what the other person is saying

even with a lot of wrong perceptions,

even with bitterness, anger,
blames, or accusations,

you are safe.

Because you are protected by compassion.

The best protection is

the protection with compassion.

So you can sit there

and listen for one hour or more.

Of course you have the right
to tell him or her the truth,

but not now,
later on.