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I Watched Every Razzie Worst Picture Winner (ft. ​Nikki Carreon & YungJunko)

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    What's up cinephiles,
    I'm Evasive,
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    and this piece of paper right here
    means two things:
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    Number one, I am tens of
    thousands of
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    dollars in debt,
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    and number two, I know a lot
    about movies.
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    Since the U.S government
    isn't giving me any debt relief this year,
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    I have no choice now but to
    torture myself on the Internet
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    for money to pay off the loans
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    I took out to go to film school.
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    So for this video, I watched every
    movie that's ever won
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    a Razzie Award for Worst Picture
    of the Year.
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    This was an extremely painful
    experience
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    and I regretted my decision
    immediately,
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    but for the sake of
    my adoring fans
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    and my bank account,
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    I went ahead and watched
    all 46 of these
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    movies so I could
    explain them to you.
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    But after the grueling experience
    of watching all these,
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    I'm not about to tackle this
    breakdown alone.
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    So I went ahead and roped in
    another video essay girly
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    and a talking trash can
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    to help explain some of these
    movies for me.
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    But before I get to the movies,
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    let me explain what the Razzies are.
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    The Golden Raspberry Awards are
    an annual event,
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    usually held the night before the Oscars,
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    to award the worst
    movies of the year.
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    It was founded by Hollywood
    copywriter
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    John Wilson and editor Maureen
    Murphy.
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    The idea for the Razzies came
    about in 1980
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    when Wilson saw Can't Stop
    the Music and Xanadu, back to back
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    and hated them so much, that
    there ought to be an award show
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    for this type of thing.
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    Months later, Wilson hosted an
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    Oscars watch party at his house,
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    and after the Oscars had finished,
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    he and Murphy passed out ballots
    to everyone
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    for the worst movies of the year,
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    and then he announced the
    winners in his living room.
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    Over time, the ceremony
    grew and grew,
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    and today they're considered a staple
    of the Hollywood award season
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    as a low-budget Bizarro World
    Oscars
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    that distributes awards in
    categories
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    such as Worst Actor, Worst Director,
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    and Worst Screenplay.
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    Unlike the qualifications for voting
    at the Oscars,
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    becoming a Razzie voter
    is very easy:
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    either be friends with
    one of the producers
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    or just pay a $40 membership fee.
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    That's all it takes.
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    So that's the story of the Razzies.
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    Now are you ready to learn about
    every single movie
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    that won Worst Picture?
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    Because I wasn't.
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    There's 46 of these things, so I'm
    going to talk about each one
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    for just a minute or two
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    and hand off a few to my guests
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    so I don't completely lose my mind here.
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    Also, I put a content warning on a
    bunch of these movies
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    because of the sensitive subject
    matter I discuss.
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    Not trying to traumatize anybody
    but myself in this video.
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    Well, me and my guests.
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    But I commissioned them for this,
    so it-it's fine.
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    Anybody who swallows two snowballs
    and a ding-dong shouldn't
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    have trouble with pride.
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    The first movie to win Worst Picture was
    Can't Stop The Music,
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    A movie about the "origins"
    of the disco group Village People.
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    I say origins in air-quotes because
    the Village People play themselves
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    and the plot is completely made-up
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    and not at all how the Village People
    actually formed
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    The movie itself is super campy
    and full of these crazy musical numbers
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    that are unironically kinda great.
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    It's just too bad that in between
    those musical numbers are these scenes
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    with really terrible acting
    that go on for way too long.
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    Wait a minute! I am not taking one
    more step 'til I know where I'm going.
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    Yeah, quit my job, and you
    got me walking the beat again!
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    - I'm not even getting paid for it!
    - Hold your horses.
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    I told you I had a surprise for you.
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    I hope so. I turned in my
    coin change with the toll booth.
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    It wasn't that awful, but by 1980
    the disco fad was pretty much over and
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    people loved to hate on
    disco music at the time
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    so you can see why this
    ended up being such a huge bomb.
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    Also, shockingly, this movie marks the
    first film appearance of Caitlyn Jenner
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    and apparently the experience was so bad
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    she didn't appear in a movie again until
    Jack & Jill in 2011.
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    And, uh, well.
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    Mommie Dearest is a "biopic"
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    about the life of actress Joan Crawford's
    adopted daughter Christina.
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    Again, I say biopic in air-quotes
    because the movie was based on
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    Christina Crawford's controversial memoir
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    that other members of Joan Crawford's
    family disavowed when it came out.
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    I haven't done much research on the topic
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    so I'm in no position
    to question this story.
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    But I will say that after
    the movie was made
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    Christina said the film was grotesque
    and not true to her memoir.
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    Released just 4 years after
    Joan Crawford passed away,
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    this movie basically spits all over
    her fresh grave
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    and portrays her as a horrible mother
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    who frequently, physically and emotionally
    abused her daughter.
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    Whether or not this is actually true
    is still a matter for debate.
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    Regardless of the real-life circumstances
    behind the movie,
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    Faye Dunway's performance
    of Joan Crawford is iconic now.
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    People who have experienced
    emotional abuse from a parent
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    found her performance
    scarily true to their own life experiences
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    but general audiences thought
    she was just being
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    outrageously campy and
    over the top the whole movie.
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    Because of its reputation
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    the film accidentally
    became a queer cult classic over the years
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    especially in the drag community.
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    It was even featured in the most
    recent season of RuPaul's Drag Race.
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    "No wire hangers!"
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    ♫ No more wire hangers ♫
    ♫ Ah, ah! ♫
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    ♫ No, no, wire hangers ♫
    ♫ No, no, no, no ♫
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    [Evasive] Inchon is a movie about
    the battle of Incheon in the Korean War.
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    It was financed and produced
    by the Unification Church,
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    a movement that was and still is
    considered a dangerous cult
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    with a leader who called himself
    the second coming of Jesus Christ.
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    The film's producer was
    a very wealthy member of the church.
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    He said he was instructed by God
    to make the film.
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    So, unsurprisingly, no investors wanted
    any part of this.
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    All 46 million dollars of the budget was
    provided by the church and its followers.
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    The film itself doesn't have much
    to do with the Unification Church.
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    It's a straightforward war movie that's
    just boring and unremarkable.
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    It had some star power but only because
    the actors in it were paid a lot of money.
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    Laurence Olivier admitted even
    before the movie was released
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    that he was only in it for the money.
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    It was such a flop that nobody
    bothered to release it on home media.
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    The only available version
    of the movie today
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    is from an old VHS rip from when it
    played on Unification Church TV channel.
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    The only thing worth seeing in this movie
    is Laurence Olivier's makeup job.
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    I mean he looks like the Joker.
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    This movie is just tasteless.
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    it's based on a novel by Harold Robbins
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    who was paid 600 000 dollars
    for the film rights,
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    apparently fell asleep
    in the screening room,
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    and never actually watched the movie.
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    First of all, in the first 15 minutes,
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    young Ray Liotta,
    in his first ever movie role,
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    sexually assaults the main character
    with a garden hose.
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    After that the rest of the movie
    is just her being forced to have sex
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    with gross older men
    in order to get ahead in Hollywood.
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    And you see all of it.
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    It seems like it was trying to criticize
    sexism in Hollywood
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    but instead of handling it
    with nuance or respect
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    the movie fully shows the sex scenes
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    and does the very thing
    it's trying to critique.
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    The final scene of the movie shows
    her winning an Oscar for Best Screenplay
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    and calling out the men
    who took advantage of her
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    in her acceptance speech.
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    Then she's booed off stage, and leaves,
    and the movie just ends there.
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    It's really uncomfortable to watch.
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    But somehow the next movie is even worse.
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    Ugh, god, ok.
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    Bolero is a movie by John Derek.
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    John Derek is—
    (groan)
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    John Derek was an old Hollywood actor
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    who appeared in supporting roles in
    several big movies in the 1940s and 50s.
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    In 1973 when Derek was 47 years old,
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    he traveled to Europe to direct
    a low-budget movie called
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    "Once upon a Love" starring
    a 16 year old girl named
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    "Mary Cathleen Collins".
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    During the production—
    (retching)
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    I'm sorry.
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    During the production,
    John Derek left his wife
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    and groomed Mary Collins
    into a sexual relationship,
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    With the two staying in Europe
    until she turned 18
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    so he could avoid
    statutory rape charges.
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    When they got married a few years later,
    she changed her name to Bo Derek
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    and proceeded to star in all of his movies
    until he died in 1998.
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    (retching)
    (vomit squelching)
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    I'm sorry.
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    So anyway, Bolero was a movie
    about a young woman fresh from college
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    who travels to Morocco in Spain
    to lose her virginity.
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    If that wasn't bad enough,
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    this movie features a full-frontal
    nudity scene with a 14 year old girl.
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    Not an actress playing a 14 year old girl.
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    An actual 14 year old girl.
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    (retching, vomit squelching)
    (coughing)
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    If you've never seen any
    Rambo movies before
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    the image you probably associate
    with the word "Rambo"
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    is the one where
    hypermasculine Sylvester Stallone
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    is firing a machine gun
    without a shirt on.
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    But see, that's actually from this movie,
    "Rambo First Blood: Part II",
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    which has very little to do
    with Part 1 at all.
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    The whole point of
    the first Rambo movie is that
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    Rambo was a Vietnam War veteran
    with severe PTSD
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    who snaps and kills a bunch of
    small-time cops who treat him like shit.
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    This sequel, on the other hand
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    throws that tragic anti-war character
    out the window
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    as the US government sends him
    back to Vietnam
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    to locate prisoners of war
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    and Rambo is weirdly ok with that.
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    It's like he immediately got over his PTSD
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    and just got straight to blowing stuff up,
    no problem.
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    This movie was
    a massive box office success
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    and made double of what
    the first movie made,
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    so naturally, Rambo III also ditched
    the anti-war angle
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    and sent Rambo to Afghanistan.
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    I dunno if someone thought
    the first movie was amazing,
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    it really sucks to see how quickly
    they ruined this character.
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    But, like, I get it.
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    The people who went to see
    these sequels in theaters
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    didn't watch it for the plot.
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    They watched to see
    Sylvester Stallone do this.
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    (bow twang)
    (explosion)
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    In the early 80s,
    Prince was a rising star.
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    And his stardom was cemented in 1984
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    with the massive hit that was Purple Rain.
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    After the success of Purple Rain,
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    Warner Bros. told Prince he was allowed to
    do whatever he wanted for his next project
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    greenlighting Under the Cherry Moon
    without even reading the script
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    the story is, Prince plays a guy in
    the French Rivier named Christopher
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    He and his friend try to
    scam a girl out of her inheritance
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    but they both end up
    falling in love with her.
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    A problem became apparent early on
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    when Prince hired someone with
    no experience to write the script.
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    Then 16 days into filming,
    the director quit.
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    And Prince took over even though he had
    no experience directing a movie before.
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    The end result was a movie that features
    what I can only describe as
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    Acting.
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    Don't try anything funny.
    Not this time, Christopher.
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    I want the money or I throw
    you both out onto the street.
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    (gasp)
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    That's right, [inaudible]
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    Throw me onto the street?
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    It's bizarre, it's one of
    those movies where
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    the acting is so bad
    it loops around to being funny
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    which has given it
    a bit of a cult following over the years
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    that and the soundtrack is amazing
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    like with Purple Rain
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    Prince released an album with the movie
    that went Platinum
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    and is today remembered as
    one of his most iconic albums
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    After Under the Cherry Moon failed,
    Prince tried one more time
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    to direct a feature-length movie
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    but that one got nominated
    for a bunch of Razzies too
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    After that he gave up and
    never tried to direct a movie again.
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    Also this here marks
    the first ever tie in Razzies history
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    with Under the Cherry Moon tieing with
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    (laughing)
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    Howard the Duck.
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    (Evasive laughing)
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    Greetings, Evasive viewers,
    it is I, young Junko, expert in Bird Law
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    and I'm here to defend
    my client Howard T. Duck,
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    star of the Razzies' Worst Film of 1986,
    Howard The Duck
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    For nearly the last 40 years
    my client's reputation has been
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    tarnished and slandered against
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    by quack punch, chicken shit critics
    for this tragic box office bomb.
  • 12:32 - 12:37
    Central character, the Duck, the one
    that we're gonna be rooting for,
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    he's neither funny, or bit of funny."
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    But I'm here to clear the air.
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    Howard the Duck is not a movie,
    no, it's a duckumentary.
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    I know this because I was there.
  • 12:47 - 12:48
    We all were.
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    My entire clan witnessed
    my client crash land on Earth
  • 12:53 - 12:56
    to star in a motion picture
    that of which has been
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    Um.
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    it's still awful. It's bad.
    We're not winning this case, buddy.
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    I wasn't trying anything. Honest!
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    This is a strange movie to say the least.
  • 13:07 - 13:10
    Howard the Duck notoriously opens
    with 2 instances of
  • 13:10 - 13:12
    full frontal duck booba
    in the span of 30 seconds.
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    But the rest of the movie is this whiplash
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    between what's a squeaky clean
    full house type family movie
  • 13:19 - 13:22
    that no one older than 3 years old
    would find funny
  • 13:22 - 13:25
    followed by things like
    Marty McFly's mom showing off her ass and
  • 13:25 - 13:28
    pulling out a condom for Howard's corkscrew.
  • 13:28 - 13:29
    Howard…
  • 13:29 - 13:32
    It's like anti-matter Shrek where
    they didn't know
  • 13:32 - 13:34
    how to mix adult humor
    and a kids' flick properly yet
  • 13:34 - 13:37
    so it becomes this overly long
    bland comedy
  • 13:37 - 13:39
    with hardly any intentional laughs
  • 13:39 - 13:42
    that just happens to throw in something
    totally obscene every now and then
  • 13:43 - 13:45
    - [Howard] Oh!
    - I just can't resist your
  • 13:45 - 13:47
    intense animal magnetism.
  • 13:48 - 13:51
    There's a lot of attempts at duck puns,
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    most are just replacing
    a random phrase in a word with "duck"
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    "That's it. No more Mr. Nice Duck."
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    Even the director's name is Willard Hyuck.
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    That's a duck name.
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    That's a name you give a duck.
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    The first half of the movie has Howard
    pointlessly meandering
  • 14:09 - 14:12
    there's no funny interactions or
    observations or memorable bits
  • 14:12 - 14:15
    it's just an aimless movie
    with the guy in the duck suit.
  • 14:15 - 14:17
    You have an entire portion of the movie
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    where Howard has a job
    as a towel boy in a sex club
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    it's fun for the whole family!
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    Yeah, Breeders, what the hell.
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    Bareback bestiality and pedophilia.
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    Oh yeah, we find Howard getting a [?]
    as a result of a [?] incident.
  • 14:32 - 14:35
    Leading to Palpatine
    somehow returning from the dead
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    and possessing the body of that one actor
    that's in every 80s movie
  • 14:38 - 14:41
    who'd later be arrested
    for being a sex pervert.
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    What would you like to eat?
  • 14:43 - 14:46
    I no longer need human food.
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    [Junko] I need little boy butts.
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    You have a movie where
    a talking duck fires a giant laser
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    at a hell portal to stop
    a horde of alien warlords
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    from taking over the Earth
  • 14:54 - 14:57
    and they still manage
    to make it a total snooze fest
  • 14:57 - 14:59
    They try to give Howard a bit of edge
  • 14:59 - 15:02
    but he still feels
    too kiddy and sanitized
  • 15:02 - 15:03
    And part of that is his design.
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    He looks like a cross
    of a Furby and MacCulkin.
  • 15:06 - 15:08
    There are some things I did like,
  • 15:08 - 15:09
    these alien overlords are cool
  • 15:09 - 15:12
    their design and stop motion
    is really well done.
  • 15:12 - 15:14
    The sequence where
    Howard gets shot into space
  • 15:14 - 15:16
    is pretty neat, pretty
    impressive to look at.
  • 15:16 - 15:20
    I like this sequence where
    Howard and [?] get a [?]
  • 15:20 - 15:22
    and start flying away from the cops
  • 15:22 - 15:22
    that was good.
  • 15:22 - 15:24
    Yeah, Tim Robins is in this
  • 15:24 - 15:27
    Imagine having what's considered
    one of the best movies of all time
  • 15:27 - 15:28
    as part of your portfolio
  • 15:28 - 15:31
    and on the other end of the
    spectrum, Howard the Duck,
  • 15:31 - 15:32
    now that's range
  • 15:32 - 15:35
    Genuinely I was taken aback
    because some of the shots in this movie
  • 15:35 - 15:37
    undeniably go hard.
  • 15:37 - 15:41
    There's a version of this movie that
    could've actually been good with less work
  • 15:41 - 15:44
    If they leaned into Howard being this
    cynical, perverted wise-cracking duck
  • 15:44 - 15:47
    that's down on his luck,
    who gets thrust into Earth
  • 15:47 - 15:48
    and finds this strange new realm
  • 15:48 - 15:50
    isn't so much different from his own.
  • 15:50 - 15:53
    Then it's all about the bills,
    baby, put it on my belt
  • 15:53 - 15:56
    He could take it as an
    opportunity for a fresh start,
  • 15:56 - 15:57
    slowly climbing the corporate ladder
  • 15:57 - 15:59
    until becoming a national celebrity
  • 15:59 - 16:01
    that gets caught up in 80s
    consumerism and greed
  • 16:01 - 16:05
    then have him begrudgingly involved
    in weird sci-fi fantasy stuff
  • 16:05 - 16:06
    like the comics, I dunno.
  • 16:06 - 16:08
    I'm not sure how to defend my client.
  • 16:08 - 16:09
    Give him the chair.
  • 16:10 - 16:11
    (Howard screams)
  • 16:19 - 16:29
    (Evasive laughing)
  • 16:29 - 16:32
    Alright, I may not have been
    able to defend Howard,
  • 16:32 - 16:37
    but know this: from this day forth,
    I will ensure every client of mine
  • 16:37 - 16:38
    is proven innocent.
  • 16:38 - 16:42
    Now for my next client,
    I will be defending one Bill Cos-.
  • 16:42 - 16:43
    Bill Co-Bill Cosby.
  • 16:46 - 16:48
    Bill Co-Bill Cosby.
  • 16:48 - 16:51
    I'm good. Your Honor? I would draw.
  • 16:51 - 16:54
    We're done here. We're done.
  • 16:54 - 16:57
    It's Leonard, part 6.
  • 16:57 - 17:00
    Ask anyone who's seen
    this movie, they'll tell you
  • 17:00 - 17:03
    that's when they first knew
    lil' Bill was a real piece of shit
  • 17:03 - 17:06
    When I heard there was a comedy movie
    that just started on part 6
  • 17:06 - 17:11
    That's funny, maybe this movie could be
    bad in a good way, at the very least
  • 17:11 - 17:15
    Nope, it's just bad,
    it's boring, it's so boring.
  • 17:15 - 17:17
    If there's one thing Cosby
    was always a master at
  • 17:17 - 17:19
    it's making people very sleepy.
  • 17:19 - 17:22
    The whole thing is supposed to be
    a spoof on the spy genre,
  • 17:22 - 17:25
    like Naked Gun, except it actually
    came out a year before that movie
  • 17:26 - 17:29
    They just had the cameras rolling
    and had Bill Cosby do whatever he wanted
  • 17:29 - 17:32
    There's a bunch of weird sex shit
  • 17:32 - 17:33
    I mean the clues are all there,
  • 17:33 - 17:36
    in the movie his wife divorced him
    because he slept with a 19 year old
  • 17:36 - 17:40
    and his daughter is dating an older man
    to further her career as an actress
  • 17:40 - 17:43
    Leonard has to see her
    flash her tits on stage
  • 17:43 - 17:46
    for no reason, none of these scenes
    add anything to the movie
  • 17:46 - 17:49
    Cosby just wanted to look
    at some young girl tits
  • 17:49 - 17:52
    The whole film has this weird
    lethargic and slow energy to it
  • 17:52 - 17:54
    Everything from the dialogue
    to the editing,
  • 17:54 - 17:57
    it's like watching a movie at 0.5 speed.
  • 17:57 - 17:59
    The movie opens with
    Leonard and an assassin
  • 17:59 - 18:00
    having a shootout in a kitchen
  • 18:00 - 18:04
    The joke is that what they're doing
    is actually helping the food prep
  • 18:04 - 18:08
    Ok, could be funny but the pace of it all
    is so bizarrely off by a step
  • 18:08 - 18:11
    Every gag and bit is like this,
    like they took something that was
  • 18:11 - 18:15
    maybe a 3 out of 10 joke at best
    and spread it so thin that
  • 18:15 - 18:16
    you ask yourself,
  • 18:16 - 18:18
    Was there even
    a joke at all to begin with?
  • 18:18 - 18:21
    The plot follows Leonard
    being the best agent
  • 18:21 - 18:24
    who's long retired, then
    pulled back for one last mission
  • 18:24 - 18:26
    after a buncha animals
    under mind control kill people
  • 18:26 - 18:28
    Again a god-awful 80s comedy starts
  • 18:28 - 18:30
    with an animal looking at a porno mag.
  • 18:30 - 18:32
    Here's two fucking nickels.
  • 18:32 - 18:34
    The first half is him just
    stumbling around
  • 18:34 - 18:36
    trying to get back with his ex wife
  • 18:36 - 18:39
    who pours soup on him—
    what is this gag?
  • 18:39 - 18:42
    Is this a fetish, Mr. Cosby?
    You think this was genuinely funny?
  • 18:42 - 18:46
    [mocking] We'll have him pour soup.
  • 18:47 - 18:50
    Cosby doesn't have a single
    funny line or hook to his character
  • 18:50 - 18:52
    you can tell he's put
    zero effort into any of this
  • 18:52 - 18:57
    It's like he said "Yeah I'll do the movie
    but I don't wanna look too stupid,
  • 18:57 - 19:01
    These so-called jokes are what the most
    boring uptight person in the world
  • 19:01 - 19:02
    would think being silly is.
  • 19:02 - 19:06
    [mocking] Oh, look, wow
    he's being a ballerina, so girly.
  • 19:06 - 19:10
    Oh, wow, he's doing a silly fitness tape,
    how can he subject himself to that.
  • 19:10 - 19:14
    Oh, wee, it's like he thinks
    these things are so beneath him
  • 19:14 - 19:16
    that just him doing it would be funny.
  • 19:16 - 19:18
    What a piece of shit.
  • 19:18 - 19:20
    What really makes me mad, though?
  • 19:20 - 19:23
    It's completely unfair. Because everyone
    seems to be trying, but him.
  • 19:23 - 19:27
    In the end when Leonard tries to
    free all the animals from captivity,
  • 19:27 - 19:29
    and I just wanna
    recognize this bird right here.
  • 19:29 - 19:33
    Who in this 5 second shot, bends the bars
    of his cage with his beak and breaks free
  • 19:33 - 19:34
    God bless this bird.
  • 19:34 - 19:37
    This bird put more effort
    than Bill Cosby in his own movie.
  • 19:38 - 19:41
    This bird did not deserve to be
    in one of the worst movies of all time.
  • 19:41 - 19:42
    None of these animals did.
  • 19:42 - 19:45
    This ostrich didn't deserve to be betrayed
  • 19:45 - 19:48
    with a sex criminal grinding
    his pudding pop on its back.
  • 19:48 - 19:53
    If audiences in 1987 hated this,
    watching it now,
  • 19:53 - 19:57
    with all the humor naturally diluted
    even further to the passage of time
  • 19:57 - 19:59
    is like drinking a 40 year old
    can of new coke
  • 19:59 - 20:02
    and when Bill's handing you a drink,
    you probably shouldn't drink it.
  • 20:02 - 20:04
    (gurgling)
  • 20:11 - 20:15
    Cocktail is a movie where young Tom Cruise
    plays a bartender in Manhattan.
  • 20:15 - 20:18
    He movies to Jamaica
    and falls in love with a girl.
  • 20:18 - 20:20
    Then he loses her and moves back
    to New York to win her back
  • 20:20 - 20:22
    That's pretty much it.
  • 20:22 - 20:24
    What you see is what you get
    with this one.
  • 20:24 - 20:25
    It's a really mediocre movie.
  • 20:25 - 20:27
    Not that good, but not that bad either.
  • 20:27 - 20:30
    Well except for when Tom Cruise
    stands on a bar
  • 20:30 - 20:31
    and reads his shitty poetry.
  • 20:31 - 20:32
    This is pretty cringey.
  • 20:32 - 20:35
    I see America drinking
  • 20:35 - 20:38
    the fabulous cocktails I make.
  • 20:39 - 20:42
    America's getting stinking
    on something I stir or shake.
  • 20:42 - 20:44
    (laughing)
  • 20:44 - 20:47
    I make drinks so sweet and snazz-ay,
  • 20:47 - 20:50
    iced tea the kamikaze,
  • 20:50 - 20:52
    (hollering)
  • 20:52 - 20:57
    the sex on the beach
    is Schnapps made from peach
  • 20:57 - 21:00
    the ball and hammer
    the Alabama slammer!
  • 21:00 - 21:04
    Unsurprisingly with Tom Cruise starring,
    this movie was a massive success,
  • 21:04 - 21:09
    earning a ridiculous 171 million dollars
    on a 20 million dollar budget.
  • 21:09 - 21:13
    It's also the movie the Beach Boys
    "Kokomo" song was written for.
  • 21:13 - 21:15
    Besides that, not much to talk about here.
  • 21:15 - 21:19
    I'm pretty sure it only won Worst Picture
    because this was the year
  • 21:19 - 21:21
    Rain Man was favored to win Best Picture.
  • 21:21 - 21:24
    The voters must have thought it was funny
    to make the Best and Worst Picture
  • 21:24 - 21:26
    be Tom Cruise movies.
  • 21:33 - 21:37
    Ok before making this video,
    I hadn't watched any Star Trek at all.
  • 21:37 - 21:41
    But because I'm committed to my craft,
    I went and watched all 6 original movies
  • 21:41 - 21:44
    just to understand why this one
    is considered the worst.
  • 21:44 - 21:45
    After all that, I—
  • 21:46 - 21:48
    Yeah. I get it now.
  • 21:48 - 21:52
    It's not a horrible movie but especially
    compared to the previous films,
  • 21:52 - 21:54
    Star Trek V is pretty bleh.
  • 21:54 - 21:56
    Pretty much everything went wrong
    behind the scenes.
  • 21:56 - 21:59
    William Shatner directed it
    with no prior experience.
  • 21:59 - 22:02
    Nobody could agree on anything
    during the writing process,
  • 22:02 - 22:03
    There was a writers' strike.
  • 22:03 - 22:05
    Then a Teamsters strike.
  • 22:05 - 22:07
    They shot a lot of the movie
    in the Mojave Desert,
  • 22:07 - 22:09
    which is as miserable as it sounds.
  • 22:09 - 22:13
    After the filming was done, they only had
    3 months to make the special effects,
  • 22:13 - 22:16
    and all the best effects technicians
    in Hollywood were busy working on
  • 22:16 - 22:19
    Indiana Jones 3
    and Ghostbusters II at the time.
  • 22:19 - 22:22
    Do I think this movie
    deserved Worst Picture? No.
  • 22:22 - 22:25
    It does some wacky things like
    introduce Spock's long-lost brother
  • 22:25 - 22:26
    that he never mentioned before
  • 22:26 - 22:28
    Or show Kirk getting mauled
    by a cat woman.
  • 22:29 - 22:31
    Overall I really don't think it's that bad
  • 22:31 - 22:34
    Though I'm not a Trekkie who had to see
  • 22:34 - 22:37
    Captain Kirk show up on the Enterprise
    in a "Go climb a rock t-shirt"
  • 22:37 - 22:38
    So…
  • 22:40 - 22:42
    I mean…is that bad?
  • 22:43 - 22:44
    I actually don't know.
  • 22:45 - 22:49
    Can someone in the comments tell me
    if that's bad, if that's out of character?
  • 22:50 - 22:52
    Should I be mad
    at this or not?
  • 22:59 - 23:01
    The Adventures of Ford Fairlane was a
  • 23:01 - 23:03
    "comedy" starring Andrew Dice Clay.
  • 23:03 - 23:05
    If you don't know who Andrew Dice Clay is,
  • 23:05 - 23:08
    he was a comedian most active
    in the late 80s and early 90s
  • 23:08 - 23:10
    who was known as the Dice Man,
  • 23:10 - 23:15
    which was basically a cover to tell
    the most offensive jokes possible.
  • 23:15 - 23:16
    And they're always on parade.
  • 23:17 - 23:19
    They march down the street
    with t-shirts and flags
  • 23:19 - 23:22
    'I want money for AIDS disease.'
    Beautiful.
  • 23:22 - 23:25
    I want money for a fucking car,
    I ain't marching up and down the street
  • 23:25 - 23:26
    Get a job, butt slammer.
  • 23:27 - 23:30
    [Evasive] The movie itself
    is about a detective, I guess,
  • 23:30 - 23:31
    I dunno, it's just not funny at all.
  • 23:31 - 23:35
    I was on my phone the whole time
    because I was just so bored.
  • 23:35 - 23:37
    - I got something serious to discuss.
  • 23:38 - 23:41
    Yeah, what is it, premature ejaculation?
    (laughing)
  • 23:41 - 23:44
    We were at our parents'
    wedding anniversary,
  • 23:44 - 23:45
    and I told that joke,
  • 23:45 - 23:47
    'What's the definition of vagina?
  • 23:47 - 23:51
    The box that peanuts comes in!' (laugh)
  • 23:51 - 23:53
    Gilbert Godfrey plays
    the only funny character in the movie
  • 23:53 - 23:57
    but he dies like 25 minutes in
    and the rest is just a boring mess
  • 23:57 - 23:58
    that's impossible to follow.
  • 23:58 - 24:02
    The director Renny Harlin was also
    working on Die Hard 2 at the time
  • 24:02 - 24:06
    which came out in theaters
    at the same time as Ford Fairlane
  • 24:06 - 24:09
    and when you compare the money
    between the two movies.
  • 24:09 - 24:11
    Yeah, it's obvious which movie
    he cared about more.
  • 24:11 - 24:13
    Clint Eastwood.
  • 24:13 - 24:16
    I fucked him. Oh!
  • 24:22 - 24:24
    [Evasive] 1990 was another tie
  • 24:24 - 24:27
    with Ford Fairlane tieing
    with another movie
  • 24:27 - 24:29
    from unapologetic
    pepophile John Derek.
  • 24:29 - 24:33
    In this one, Bo Derek plays a woman
    married to a much older man
  • 24:33 - 24:37
    and when the older man dies,
    his ghost takes up residence in her head
  • 24:37 - 24:39
    and goads her into murdering a man
  • 24:39 - 24:41
    so he can possess his body
    and have sex with her again.
  • 24:41 - 24:44
    It's a supernatural dirty old man movie
  • 24:44 - 24:46
    where John Derek fantasizes about
  • 24:46 - 24:48
    living rent-free in Bo Derek's head
    after he dies.
  • 24:48 - 24:51
    Plus this ended up being his last movie.
  • 24:51 - 24:53
    It would be poetic
    if it wasn't so disgusting.
  • 24:53 - 25:00
    Bo was very very young.
    Linda was very young…
  • 25:00 - 25:02
    I guess I just meet them young,
  • 25:02 - 25:04
    before they're wise enough
    to know I'm not the guy.
  • 25:04 - 25:07
    Anyway the acting is bad,
    the story is bad,
  • 25:07 - 25:08
    the visuals are bad,
  • 25:08 - 25:11
    but the real cherry on top is: this movie
  • 25:11 - 25:13
    was the first film appearance
    of Donald Trump.
  • 25:13 - 25:17
    No joke, Trump's first movie
    was made by a pedophile.
  • 25:17 - 25:20
    He even does a little duck face in it,
    look at him.
  • 25:22 - 25:23
    Poetic.
  • 25:29 - 25:31
    Just watch this clip.
  • 25:31 - 25:32
    Woah!
  • 25:33 - 25:35
    Happy [inaudible]
  • 25:35 - 25:40
    Oh no! How am I driving?
    1800-I'm gonna-fucking-die!"
  • 25:40 - 25:43
    [Evasive] Bruce Willis plays
    a master burglar fresh out of prison
  • 25:43 - 25:45
    who was blackmailed into stealing some art
  • 25:45 - 25:48
    but it's all part of a conspiracy
    to build a secret machine
  • 25:48 - 25:51
    invented by Leonardo Da Vinci
    that can turn lead into gold.
  • 25:51 - 25:55
    At this point in his career, Bruce Willis
    was mainly known for Die Hard 1 and 2,
  • 25:55 - 25:57
    and was looking to branch out
    with Hudson Hawk.
  • 25:57 - 26:00
    Apparently he couldn't decide
    what he wanted it to be.
  • 26:00 - 26:02
    In an interview,
    one of the writers later said:
  • 26:02 - 26:03
    I knew we were in trouble
  • 26:03 - 26:05
    when Joel and Bruce
    would say
  • 26:05 - 26:08
    You know what this is?
    This is a Pink Panther movie.
  • 26:08 - 26:09
    The next day they'd say
  • 26:09 - 26:12
    You know what this is? This is an
    American James Bond movie.
  • 26:12 - 26:16
    Then it would be:
    This is North by Northwest.
  • 26:16 - 26:18
    I even remember someone saying:
  • 26:18 - 26:20
    You know what this is?
    This is Casino Royale.
  • 26:20 - 26:24
    Eventually I realized, if every day they
    were saying it was something different
  • 26:24 - 26:27
    once we got to the editing room,
    we were gonna be in trouble.
  • 26:27 - 26:29
    So yeah, the final product
    is all over the place.
  • 26:29 - 26:32
    But he movie developed
    a bit of a cult following
  • 26:32 - 26:35
    just because it's so…so silly
  • 26:35 - 26:37
    (screaming)
  • 26:37 - 26:39
    - Honey?
    - (screaming)
  • 26:39 - 26:40
    Ball ball?
  • 26:40 - 26:41
    Woof!
  • 26:43 - 26:45
    (dog screaming)
  • 26:53 - 26:55
    Here's another movie
    that's really not that bad.
  • 26:55 - 26:59
    It's a World War II spy movie where
    Melanie Griffith is a half Jewish woman
  • 26:59 - 27:03
    with no spy experience
    who signs herself up to be a spy in Berlin
  • 27:03 - 27:06
    because she wants to prove herself and
    save her Jewish cousins who are in hiding.
  • 27:06 - 27:08
    Michael Douglas plays another spy
  • 27:08 - 27:12
    and pre-Schindler's List
    Liam Neeson plays a Nazi officer.
  • 27:12 - 27:14
    Most complaints about the movie
    were aimed at
  • 27:14 - 27:17
    how unbelievable
    Melanie Griffith is as a spy
  • 27:17 - 27:19
    because she was really bad at her job.
  • 27:19 - 27:23
    Like "spilling soup on Liam Neeson and
    taking the German kids she's nannying
  • 27:23 - 27:26
    to the building her cousins are hiding in"
    kind of bad
  • 27:26 - 27:28
    But overall it's not that awful of a movie
  • 27:28 - 27:30
    because the plot holes
    and writing problems
  • 27:30 - 27:33
    are balanced out by a good soundtrack
    and good cinematography
  • 27:33 - 27:35
    It's just average.
  • 27:35 - 27:36
    Not bad enough to be memorable
  • 27:36 - 27:39
    but not good enough
    that you'd ever watch it again.
  • 27:39 - 27:41
    The cinematic equivalent
    of eating at Denny's.
  • 27:41 - 27:44
    I think 1992 was just a slow year
    for bad movies in general.
  • 27:44 - 27:48
    That same year they also
    nominated Newsies for Worst Picture
  • 27:48 - 27:51
    and Danny DeVito for
    Worst Supporting Actor
  • 27:51 - 27:55
    like…what? Why? How?
  • 27:56 - 27:57
    What?
  • 28:04 - 28:06
    Once again, this is a movie
    that's not that bad.
  • 28:06 - 28:09
    It's a drama where
    Woody Harrelson and Demi Moore
  • 28:09 - 28:11
    play a financially struggling
    married couple in Vegas
  • 28:11 - 28:14
    and Robert Redford is a filthy rich guy
  • 28:14 - 28:16
    who offers the couple 1 million dollars
  • 28:16 - 28:18
    for a 1 night stand with Demi Moore.
  • 28:18 - 28:19
    Honestly, it's fine.
  • 28:19 - 28:23
    It takes itself very seriously
    and it's vaguely misogynistic at points.
  • 28:23 - 28:27
    Also it's completely unbelievable that
    a man who looks like Robert Redford
  • 28:27 - 28:31
    would pay a million dollars
    to sleep with someone.
  • 28:31 - 28:33
    But in the context of the movie it works.
  • 28:33 - 28:36
    Definitely not the
    worst movie of the year.
  • 28:36 - 28:38
    You're telling me that Indecent Proposal
  • 28:38 - 28:41
    won Worst Picture but Mr. Nanny
    wasn't even nominated?
  • 28:41 - 28:43
    Razzie voters were asleep
    at the wheel this year.
  • 28:53 - 28:56
    In this one Bruce Willis plays a
    psychologist who can't see the color red
  • 28:56 - 28:59
    who gets wrapped up
    in a murder after his colleague
  • 28:59 - 29:01
    gets killed Assassin's Creed-style
  • 29:01 - 29:03
    and he suspects someone
    in his therapy group.
  • 29:03 - 29:06
    I'm so confused why this
    was even nominated for Worst Picture
  • 29:06 - 29:08
    because this wasn't a bad movie at all.
  • 29:08 - 29:12
    It's surreal and weird, sure,
    but it's in a Twin Peaks style of way
  • 29:12 - 29:14
    where it's still unsettling
    and fun to watch.
  • 29:14 - 29:17
    Definitely a 6.5 out of 10 movie for me.
  • 29:18 - 29:19
    Maybe a 7 out of 10 I dunno.
  • 29:19 - 29:23
    Another one that became a cult hit
    after home video release.
  • 29:23 - 29:26
    Partly because of this crazy sex scene
    in a pool that everybody wanted to see
  • 29:26 - 29:29
    It was even streaming
    on Criterion Channel at one point
  • 29:29 - 29:31
    which basically means
    that it's certified art.
  • 29:31 - 29:32
    That's all I have to say.
  • 29:32 - 29:36
    I dunno guys, some of these 90s movies
    aren't bad enough to complain about.
  • 29:43 - 29:45
    There's a lot to be said about Showgirls.
  • 29:45 - 29:47
    First of all, Director Paul Verhoeven
  • 29:47 - 29:50
    was the first to accept
    his Razzie award in person.
  • 29:50 - 29:52
    And that's kind of funny.
  • 29:52 - 29:55
    And I'm very happy
    because it was much more fun
  • 29:55 - 29:58
    than reading the reviews in September.
    Thank you so much.
  • 29:58 - 30:02
    (clapping, cheering)
  • 30:02 - 30:04
    Second of all, Showgirls isn't bad.
  • 30:04 - 30:07
    It's actually a great movie,
    in my opinion, and a lot of people agree.
  • 30:07 - 30:11
    It is a wild movie about the world of
    high budget Las Vegas strip shows
  • 30:11 - 30:13
    Obviously with subject matter like that
  • 30:13 - 30:15
    you're going to view it very differently
  • 30:15 - 30:17
    depending on your gender and sexuality.
  • 30:17 - 30:19
    But regardless of what kind
    of person you are
  • 30:19 - 30:22
    the experience of watching this movie
    is an absolute rollercoaster.
  • 30:22 - 30:24
    One. Two. Three.
  • 30:24 - 30:28
    Thrust it. Thrust it. Thrust it!
  • 30:28 - 30:29
    Come on, thrust it.
  • 30:29 - 30:33
    But for as over the top as this movie is
    it's also pretty true to life.
  • 30:33 - 30:36
    During his research,
    writer Joe Eszterhas interviewed
  • 30:36 - 30:38
    over two hundred strippers in Las Vegas
  • 30:38 - 30:41
    and the result was a
    shockingly straightforward depiction
  • 30:41 - 30:44
    of the lives of high profile
    sex workers and performers
  • 30:44 - 30:47
    And a biting satire against
    show business in general.
  • 30:47 - 30:49
    Take a look at these tits.
  • 30:49 - 30:50
    What are these, watermelons?
  • 30:51 - 30:53
    This is a stage, babes, it's not a patch.
  • 30:53 - 30:54
    See ya.
  • 30:54 - 30:56
    Your ears are sticking out. They are.
  • 30:56 - 30:58
    Come back and see me
    when you get em fixed.
  • 30:59 - 30:59
    See ya.
  • 31:01 - 31:03
    Can you spell MGM backwards?
    I bet you can't.
  • 31:03 - 31:05
    - MGM.
    - I'm impressed.
  • 31:06 - 31:08
    Come back when you
    fuck some of those baby fat off.
  • 31:08 - 31:12
    Now in today's era of gritty HBO dramas,
    none of this is that shocking
  • 31:12 - 31:15
    but in 1995 this was next level stuff.
  • 31:15 - 31:18
    Plus with the subject matter,
    this movie has a lot of nudity.
  • 31:18 - 31:21
    It was rated NC-17 in America
  • 31:21 - 31:25
    and to date it is the only NC-17 movie
    ever given a wide release in theaters.
  • 31:25 - 31:28
    It was so explicit and controversial
  • 31:28 - 31:31
    that MGM had to hire security
    at every movie theater in America
  • 31:31 - 31:35
    just to make sure nobody under
    the age of 18 snuck into the theater.
  • 31:35 - 31:37
    The movie lost millions of dollars
  • 31:37 - 31:39
    and to this day, no studio has ever dared
  • 31:39 - 31:42
    to try and release an NC-17 movie
    in theaters again.
  • 31:42 - 31:46
    If this sounds interesting to you,
    I recommend giving this movie a watch
  • 31:46 - 31:50
    because I can't really do it justice
    with just words alone.
  • 31:50 - 31:51
    Just know what you're getting into
  • 31:51 - 31:55
    because this movie is every bit
    as traumatic as it is glamorous
  • 31:55 - 31:58
    And actually to prove to you
    how much I like this movie, watch this.
  • 31:59 - 32:00
    Oh.
  • 32:01 - 32:02
    Oh.
  • 32:04 - 32:05
    I'm a showgirl.
  • 32:06 - 32:08
    I'm a showgirl, baby.
  • 32:08 - 32:10
    I'm a showgirl.
  • 32:16 - 32:17
    In the mid-90s
  • 32:17 - 32:20
    Demi Moore was one of the
    biggest film stars in the world.
  • 32:20 - 32:22
    And the world was dying to know,
  • 32:22 - 32:24
    what do Demi Moore's boobs look like?
  • 32:25 - 32:27
    That's actually the only reason
    this movie exists.
  • 32:27 - 32:30
    They paid Demi Moore 12.5 million dollars
  • 32:30 - 32:33
    the most any woman had ever been paid
    for a movie role at the time
  • 32:33 - 32:37
    just so she would star in this movie
    and show her boobs to the camera.
  • 32:38 - 32:41
    This movie is like if
    Showgirls was actually bad.
  • 32:41 - 32:45
    Demi Moore plays an FBI agent who loses
    her daughter in a custody battle
  • 32:45 - 32:48
    and then becomes a stripper in Florida
    at the Eager Beaver
  • 32:48 - 32:50
    to pay for a court appeal.
  • 32:50 - 32:52
    She basically girlbosses being a stripper.
  • 32:52 - 32:54
    Not in a nuanced way
    like Showgirls though.
  • 32:54 - 32:57
    But in a stupid way
    that takes itself seriously
  • 32:57 - 33:00
    and is mostly boring
    and not believable at all.
  • 33:00 - 33:03
    Despite bad reviews, the movie
    ended up being a huge success
  • 33:03 - 33:05
    The director-writer-producer
    Andrew Bergman
  • 33:05 - 33:08
    basically quit Hollywood after this movie
  • 33:08 - 33:09
    I'm pretty sure what happened is
  • 33:09 - 33:11
    once he got Demi Moore
    to agree to go topless,
  • 33:11 - 33:14
    he just phoned in the rest of the movie
  • 33:14 - 33:17
    because clearly the audiences
    weren't watching for the plot.
  • 33:17 - 33:18
    But what can I say?
  • 33:18 - 33:20
    That's showbiz, baby.
  • 33:20 - 33:25
    That's…that's showbiz, baby.
  • 33:31 - 33:35
    The Postman takes place
    in a distant future year of 2013
  • 33:35 - 33:38
    after much of humanity
    has been wiped out by a plague.
  • 33:38 - 33:40
    Kevin Costner,
    who also directed the movie,
  • 33:40 - 33:45
    stars as a traveling Shakespeare performer
    that's conscripted to Caesar's Legion
  • 33:45 - 33:47
    He escapes and finds
    an old mail bag full of mail
  • 33:47 - 33:49
    and pretends to be a mailman
    so he can get food
  • 33:49 - 33:52
    and accidentally restarts
    the US postal service in the process
  • 33:52 - 33:55
    Also it's almost 3 hours long.
  • 33:55 - 33:59
    Honestly, as far as post-apocalyptic
    adventures go, this one isn't that bad.
  • 33:59 - 34:02
    It's about the same level of quality
    as Waterworld, actually.
  • 34:02 - 34:06
    But the fact that it was a 3 hour long
    Kevin Costner vanity project,
  • 34:06 - 34:08
    released just a week after Titanic,
  • 34:08 - 34:11
    made it a very easy target for critics.
  • 34:11 - 34:13
    What is Kevin Costner even up to,
    these days?
  • 34:13 - 34:16
    (typing) Kevin Costner.
  • 34:25 - 34:28
    I mean, hey. Good luck Kevin.
  • 34:35 - 34:38
    If you aren't familiar,
    the name Alan Smithee
  • 34:38 - 34:42
    is a fake name
    the Director's Guild came up with in 1968
  • 34:42 - 34:44
    that directors who took
    their name off a movie
  • 34:44 - 34:46
    were required to use instead.
  • 34:46 - 34:48
    And this movie caused such a headache
  • 34:48 - 34:51
    that the Directors' Guild
    had to officially stop allowing
  • 34:51 - 34:53
    the use of the Alan Smithee
    name in movies.
  • 34:53 - 34:56
    This movie was written by Joe Eszterhas
  • 34:56 - 34:58
    and was directed by Arthur Hiller.
  • 34:58 - 35:01
    It's a mockumentary about a guy
    whose name was actually Alan Smithee
  • 35:01 - 35:04
    who directs an action movie
    but he hates the finished product
  • 35:04 - 35:06
    so he steals the film reels
    and holds them ransom
  • 35:06 - 35:09
    because he wasn't allowed
    to take his name off.
  • 35:09 - 35:10
    Now behind the scenes in real life,
  • 35:10 - 35:13
    Joe Eszterhas was in charge of
    cutting Burn Hollywood Burn
  • 35:13 - 35:16
    and when Arthur Hiller
    saw the final version
  • 35:16 - 35:19
    he hated it so much
    he had his name taken off the movie
  • 35:19 - 35:21
    But this of course created a confusion
  • 35:21 - 35:23
    because this was a movie
    about Alan Smithee
  • 35:23 - 35:26
    and the poster said it was
    directed by Alan Smithee
  • 35:26 - 35:28
    which you would assume was just a joke
  • 35:28 - 35:33
    but no, the director actually
    had his name taken off the movie.
  • 35:33 - 35:36
    It would take me so long to explain
    everything that's wrong with this movie
  • 35:36 - 35:38
    so let me sum it up in four words.
  • 35:38 - 35:39
    Not funny.
  • 35:41 - 35:42
    Didn't laugh.
  • 35:42 - 35:44
    There's way too many characters,
  • 35:44 - 35:46
    the movie jumps all over the place
  • 35:46 - 35:48
    Harvey Weinstein is in it.
  • 35:48 - 35:49
    "Eew."
  • 35:49 - 35:52
    There's lots of not funny parts
    where the camera freeze frames
  • 35:52 - 35:54
    and there's a wall of text on screen.
  • 35:54 - 35:57
    I'm guessing what happened is
    they filmed all these scenes separately
  • 35:57 - 35:59
    and thought they were hilarious on set
  • 35:59 - 36:02
    but during editing, they
    realized they had nothing to work with
  • 36:02 - 36:06
    so Joe Eszterhas tried to salvage it
    by adding a bunch of text edit jokes
  • 36:06 - 36:08
    which actually made the movie worse.
  • 36:08 - 36:11
    I have no proof of this
    but it seems right to me.
  • 36:11 - 36:13
    I'd probably do the same thing
    in that situation.
  • 36:27 - 36:30
    Ok so this is a Western
    steampunk fusion movie
  • 36:30 - 36:34
    starring the Fresh Prince and the guy
    who plays Mr. Fischoeder in Bob's Burgers
  • 36:34 - 36:36
    as cowboy government agents
  • 36:36 - 36:39
    hunting down an evil
    ex-Confederate officer with no legs
  • 36:39 - 36:43
    who kidnaps President Ulysses S. Grant
    with a giant robot spider.
  • 36:45 - 36:46
    That's what this movie is.
  • 36:46 - 36:49
    (hooting)
  • 36:50 - 36:54
    (trilling)
  • 36:54 - 36:55
    This movie is ridiculous.
  • 36:55 - 36:59
    I don't know what the executives
    at Warner Bros. were snorting
  • 36:59 - 37:02
    when they decided
    to spend over a 170 million dollars
  • 37:02 - 37:05
    on a movie where cowboy Will Smith
    fights a huge mecha spider
  • 37:05 - 37:06
    but thank god they did
  • 37:06 - 37:10
    because Will Smith turned down playing
    Neo in the Matrix to do this movie.
  • 37:10 - 37:15
    I want you to imagine now
    if Will Smith played Neo in the Matrix.
  • 37:17 - 37:18
    (laughing)
  • 37:18 - 37:20
    I probably would have
    messed the Matrix up.
  • 37:20 - 37:21
    I would've ruined it.
  • 37:21 - 37:23
    So I did y'all a favor.
  • 37:23 - 37:25
    This might not be a "good" movie
  • 37:25 - 37:27
    but oh my god it's so funny.
  • 37:27 - 37:29
    Plus the theme song is pretty fire.
  • 37:29 - 37:33
    If I may quote one of the great
    gangster rappers, William 'Will' Smith,
  • 37:34 - 37:39
    (nonchalantly) wicki wild wild,
    wicki wicki wild
  • 37:39 - 37:45
    wicki wild,
    wicki wicki wild wild wild west.
  • 37:45 - 37:49
    wicki wild, wicki wicki wild wild west.
  • 37:50 - 37:52
    Do you find those lyrics inspiring?
  • 37:52 - 37:53
    I mean, I…
  • 38:01 - 38:03
    Battlefield Earth is
    an action sci-fi movie
  • 38:03 - 38:07
    based on a novel written by
    L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of Scientology
  • 38:07 - 38:09
    which he wrote in 1982
  • 38:09 - 38:13
    when he was in hiding to avoid
    going to prison for his numerous crimes.
  • 38:13 - 38:15
    It's about a distant future world
  • 38:15 - 38:18
    where humanity has been enslaved
    by aliens called "psychlos"
  • 38:18 - 38:20
    which are a very obvious metaphor for
  • 38:20 - 38:23
    L. Ron Hubbard's vitriolic
    hate of psychiatrists.
  • 38:23 - 38:26
    John Travolta, who plays
    the evil alien leader named Turl
  • 38:26 - 38:29
    and has been a scientologist since 1975
  • 38:29 - 38:32
    is directly responsible
    for this movie existing.
  • 38:32 - 38:33
    The production company
  • 38:33 - 38:37
    was later found to have defrauded
    investors out of 31 million dollars
  • 38:37 - 38:39
    by overreporting production costs
  • 38:39 - 38:43
    causing a lawsuit that forced the company
    to go bankrupt and shut down in 2007.
  • 38:43 - 38:46
    On top of that, the movie
    was a massive financial flop
  • 38:46 - 38:49
    not just because the movie
    and its John Travolta action figures
  • 38:49 - 38:52
    were an obvious Scientology
    recruitment tactic
  • 38:52 - 38:55
    but because the movie itself
    was a visual nightmare.
  • 38:55 - 38:56
    The special effects are ugly,
  • 38:56 - 38:58
    the costumes are disgusting,
  • 38:58 - 39:01
    and the whole movie was filmed
    with crooked angles
  • 39:01 - 39:03
    that changed multiple times a scene.
  • 39:03 - 39:05
    which gave a bunch of people
    motion sickness.
  • 39:05 - 39:07
    It's a really infamously bad movie
  • 39:07 - 39:10
    that's been covered by many
    other channels over the years
  • 39:10 - 39:12
    so if you want more info,
    go watch one of those videos.
  • 39:12 - 39:14
    Just don't watch the movie itself.
  • 39:14 - 39:18
    It'll do nothing but make you nauseous
    and waste two hours of your time.
  • 39:18 - 39:19
    I'm serious, you guys, don't do it.
  • 39:27 - 39:29
    I'm sorry, you guys, conflict of interest,
  • 39:29 - 39:31
    I can't talk about Freddy Got Fingered.
  • 39:31 - 39:35
    One of my friends and I watched this movie
    four times during quarantine
  • 39:35 - 39:36
    and we kinda bonded over it.
  • 39:36 - 39:39
    Now this movie
    has a special place in my heart.
  • 39:39 - 39:40
    "Aw."
  • 39:40 - 39:41
    So I made Nikki watch it instead.
  • 39:41 - 39:43
    She's never seen it before.
  • 39:43 - 39:44
    And here she is now.
  • 39:44 - 39:47
    Where the hell do I even
    begin with this movie.
  • 39:47 - 39:51
    Part of me thinks this movie is
    some kind of deep anti-comedy
  • 39:51 - 39:55
    meant to satirize the
    other gross out comedies
  • 39:55 - 39:57
    that were popular in the early 2000s
  • 39:57 - 40:00
    and the other part of me thinks
    that maybe it means nothing at all.
  • 40:00 - 40:03
    I mean any normal human being
  • 40:03 - 40:05
    will read a title like
  • 40:05 - 40:07
    Freddy Got Fingered
  • 40:07 - 40:09
    and run away in the opposite direction.
  • 40:09 - 40:11
    What the fuck
    is that supposed to mean?
  • 40:14 - 40:18
    But to put it simply, this movie
    is about a 28 year old man
  • 40:18 - 40:20
    Stop it, stop it, Mom,
    I'm a 28 year old man.
  • 40:20 - 40:23
    Hey, baby, he's a 28 year old man.
  • 40:23 - 40:28
    His name is Gord and
    he moves to LA to be a cheese worker.
  • 40:28 - 40:32
    And also to pursue his dreams
    of being a professional animator.
  • 40:32 - 40:36
    Seems pretty simple, right?
    Seems pretty cut and dry?
  • 40:36 - 40:38
    But that's where you'd be wrong.
  • 40:38 - 40:41
    Because so very many things
    happen in this movie
  • 40:41 - 40:44
    that are beyond human explanation.
  • 40:44 - 40:45
    Just to name a few,
  • 40:45 - 40:47
    Tom Green jerks off a horse
  • 40:47 - 40:51
    he swings a baby around
    by its umbilical cord
  • 40:51 - 40:54
    Tom Green walks around in a deer carcass
  • 40:54 - 40:57
    And he goes scuba diving
    in his own toilet.
  • 40:58 - 41:03
    - Get out of that toilet!
    - (bubbling, gurgling)
  • 41:03 - 41:07
    But at the risk of sounding
    clinically insane
  • 41:07 - 41:08
    and demented
  • 41:08 - 41:13
    there are moments in this movie
    that I find kind of relatable.
  • 41:13 - 41:16
    Like this one where the CEO
    of an animation company
  • 41:16 - 41:20
    tells Gord that he doesn't
    like his drawings.
  • 41:20 - 41:21
    - It sucks.
  • 41:21 - 41:25
    And so he immediately sticks a gun
    in his mouth and starts screaming.
  • 41:25 - 41:27
    Characters are lame, I'm a loser
  • 41:27 - 41:28
    I wish I was dead.
  • 41:28 - 41:30
    - (screaming)
    - Wait, wait.
  • 41:30 - 41:35
    What makes this even funnier
    is that once he receives validation,
  • 41:35 - 41:39
    he takes the gun out of his mouth and acts
    like none of that ever happened at all.
  • 41:39 - 41:42
    Sir I can't work on this all day, I got
    a job at the cheese sandwich factory.
  • 41:42 - 41:47
    If you're mentally ill, and make art,
    this is the film for you.
  • 41:47 - 41:50
    It's time I get a job
    and do something with my life
  • 41:50 - 41:52
    instead of acting like
    a little baby.
  • 41:52 - 41:55
    I can't think of anything to draw
    because I'm so stupid.
  • 41:55 - 41:56
    I'm so stupid.
  • 41:56 - 41:59
    And this movie surprised me
    in so many different ways
  • 41:59 - 42:03
    For one, it made me laugh
    way more than I anticipated.
  • 42:03 - 42:05
    Can't you see we're both
    just a couple of stupid idiots.
  • 42:05 - 42:08
    - Gord…
    - (mocking) Gord! Gordie!
  • 42:08 - 42:12
    It was also weirdly based at times.
  • 42:12 - 42:17
    I say weirdly because the early 2000s
    was a derogatory fever dream.
  • 42:17 - 42:21
    It was like running thru the perfume
    department in SpongeBob
  • 42:21 - 42:23
    but the perfume was slurs.
  • 42:23 - 42:27
    Gord ends up asking out
    this nurse named Betty
  • 42:27 - 42:31
    and she says yes, but afterwards
    he finds out that she's in a wheelchair.
  • 42:31 - 42:37
    At first I was like, oh shit,
    it's about to get really ableist in here
  • 42:37 - 42:38
    Lel-lel-lel.
  • 42:38 - 42:40
    I was truly prepared for the worst.
  • 42:40 - 42:44
    But my expectations were
    completely subverted when Betty ended up
  • 42:44 - 42:48
    not only being the smartest
    person in this whole movie
  • 42:48 - 42:51
    but her and Gord remain in
    a relationship for the rest of the film.
  • 42:53 - 42:56
    - I have a bag of jewels for you.
    - Gord…
  • 42:56 - 42:59
    - They're jewels, Betty.
    They're jewels.
  • 42:59 - 43:01
    Another interesting thing to me is that
  • 43:01 - 43:03
    Betty constantly wants to
  • 43:03 - 43:05
    give Gord a blowjob.
  • 43:05 - 43:06
    Here me out dude!
  • 43:06 - 43:09
    She asks him this
    so many times in the movie,
  • 43:09 - 43:13
    that it comes off as
    very obviously satirical.
  • 43:13 - 43:17
    Gord, I don't care about jewels,
    I just wanna suck your cock
  • 43:17 - 43:18
    My life's a little hectic,
  • 43:18 - 43:21
    I'm having trouble concentrating
    with all the skateboarding…
  • 43:21 - 43:24
    - You sucking my penis all the time
    - (chuckling)
  • 43:24 - 43:26
    Again, my expectations were subverted
  • 43:26 - 43:31
    by Gord being the one who repeatedly asks
    if they can just go out on a date.
  • 43:31 - 43:34
    I just think if we went out
    on at least one date
  • 43:34 - 43:36
    and you didn't do any sucking right now
  • 43:36 - 43:38
    that would make the whole
    sucking to date ratio
  • 43:38 - 43:40
    far more balanced, you know?
  • 43:40 - 43:45
    This could be a play on the trope
    of male protagonists in comedy especially
  • 43:45 - 43:47
    being obsessed with sex
  • 43:47 - 43:51
    And not only that but women
    being ultra sexualized in these movies.
  • 43:51 - 43:55
    Not all the subversion in this movie
    is good, though, necessarily.
  • 43:55 - 43:58
    If you were wondering
    how the movie got its title,
  • 43:58 - 44:01
    I shit you not,
    about 50 minutes into the film,
  • 44:01 - 44:06
    Gord frames his dad
    for "fingering" his brother.
  • 44:06 - 44:07
    At least I don't touch Freddy.
  • 44:07 - 44:08
    He fingers him.
  • 44:08 - 44:11
    His brother who is like 25
    and doesn't even live with them.
  • 44:11 - 44:12
    - He's a molester!
  • 44:12 - 44:15
    He's a child molester!
  • 44:15 - 44:18
    But CPS literally goes into his apartment
  • 44:18 - 44:21
    and takes him to the molestation hospital.
  • 44:21 - 44:23
    Is this shocking?
  • 44:23 - 44:24
    Uh, yes.
  • 44:24 - 44:28
    I don't know if it's shocking compared to
    the other things in this movie.
  • 44:28 - 44:30
    (screaming)
  • 44:30 - 44:32
    Is it in poor taste?
  • 44:32 - 44:34
    Uh…luhh…luhh…
  • 44:34 - 44:35
    Maybe.
  • 44:35 - 44:37
    But this whole framing of the fingering
  • 44:37 - 44:41
    is the canon event that
    leads to the finale of the film.
  • 44:41 - 44:43
    When Gord pranks his dad by
  • 44:43 - 44:47
    abducting him in the middle of the night
    and taking him to Pakistan.
  • 44:47 - 44:48
    You're fucking dead.
  • 44:50 - 44:54
    They could write books
    and novels and college theseses
  • 44:54 - 44:59
    about everything else that happen
    between then and the ending
  • 44:59 - 45:02
    but just know that this movie
    ends with Gord and his dad
  • 45:02 - 45:04
    being covered in elephant cum
  • 45:04 - 45:08
    (elephant trumpeting)
  • 45:08 - 45:11
    Speaking of which,
    there's an elephant in this room!
  • 45:11 - 45:16
    The elephant is that
    I actually kinda like this movie.
  • 45:16 - 45:18
    Also the elephant is coming.
  • 45:18 - 45:19
    Is that so wrong?
  • 45:19 - 45:22
    And is it so wrong that maybe kinda
  • 45:22 - 45:25
    I might be attracted
    to Tom Green in this movie?
  • 45:25 - 45:30
    Is it ok that he might be
    the Pete Davidson of the 90s?
  • 45:30 - 45:31
    Shut up.
  • 45:31 - 45:33
    As far as career-ruining films go,
  • 45:33 - 45:37
    Tom Green took the failure
    of Freddy very very well.
  • 45:37 - 45:40
    He even showed up
    to accept his Golden Razzie.
  • 45:40 - 45:42
    He rolled out his own red carpet too.
  • 45:42 - 45:45
    - Well done you guys. Give him some space.
  • 45:47 - 45:49
    - Thank you so much!
  • 45:49 - 45:50
    - Can you grab that at the end?
  • 45:50 - 45:51
    Thank you very much.
  • 45:51 - 45:53
    Celebrate your successes
  • 45:53 - 45:55
    and your failures.
  • 46:02 - 46:05
    [Evasive] A remake of an Italian film
    from 1974
  • 46:05 - 46:07
    Swept Away is a movie
    where Madonna plays the dumbest
  • 46:07 - 46:10
    most unlikable rich woman in the world
  • 46:10 - 46:12
    who gets marooned
    on an island with an Italian sailor
  • 46:12 - 46:15
    who hates her and sexually assaults her.
  • 46:15 - 46:17
    3 minutes after that
  • 46:17 - 46:19
    there's a time skip
    and suddenly they're in love.
  • 46:19 - 46:22
    It's a nasty nasty nasty movie
  • 46:22 - 46:24
    and I don't even wanna talk about it.
  • 46:24 - 46:27
    It was so bad it caused
    Madonna to give up on acting entirely.
  • 46:27 - 46:30
    It's a disaster. Absolute agony to watch.
  • 46:30 - 46:33
    Especially when you consider
    the movie was directed
  • 46:33 - 46:35
    by Madonna's then-husband Guy Ritchie.
  • 46:35 - 46:37
    Madonna later divorced Guy Ritchie in 2008
  • 46:37 - 46:40
    but in my opinion, queen should've
    divorced Ritchie on the spot
  • 46:40 - 46:42
    for even suggesting this movie.
  • 46:42 - 46:44
    [Madonna] Ugh. It was rough.
  • 46:44 - 46:47
    There's nothing glamorous about it.
    You were really mean to me.
  • 46:48 - 46:49
    - I just want to slap you on camera.
  • 46:49 - 46:50
    Why, Mrs. Ritchie?
  • 46:51 - 46:54
    For those times you let Adriano
    slap me and never yelled 'cut'.
  • 46:54 - 46:55
    [Ritchie] One more.
  • 46:55 - 46:57
    - those times they threw octopuses on me,
  • 46:57 - 46:59
    when you made me stay
    in the freezing water
  • 46:59 - 47:01
    when you made me run down the sand dunes
  • 47:01 - 47:02
    and when you ate my food.
  • 47:02 - 47:03
    And you didn't pay me.
  • 47:03 - 47:05
    And you never said thank you.
  • 47:05 - 47:08
    (crying)
  • 47:25 - 47:28
    I'm not gonna lie, I was riding the high
  • 47:28 - 47:30
    of actually enjoying Freddy Got Fingered
  • 47:30 - 47:34
    when Gigli came in
    and literally snuffed the life out of me.
  • 47:34 - 47:36
    Gigli is a movie.
  • 47:38 - 47:40
    It's about a mobster named Gigli
  • 47:40 - 47:42
    played by Benjamin, Benny Boy, Affleck.
  • 47:42 - 47:45
    Much like this review on Letterboxd,
  • 47:45 - 47:47
    I too hope Gigli kills himself.
  • 47:47 - 47:52
    Because not only does he abduct
    a mentally challenged teenager,
  • 47:52 - 47:55
    and abuse him
    while holding him for ransom,
  • 47:56 - 47:57
    What if I smack you
    in the fucking head?
  • 47:57 - 48:00
    He's also just cringe.
  • 48:00 - 48:01
    Unforgivably so.
  • 48:01 - 48:04
    J.Lo. is also in this movie, unfortunately
  • 48:04 - 48:08
    and she plays this
    other mobster or mobsterette
  • 48:08 - 48:12
    who is supposed to help him
    take care of this mentally disabled kid
  • 48:12 - 48:15
    and she also just happens to be a lesbian.
  • 48:15 - 48:16
    It means I'm a lesbian.
  • 48:19 - 48:23
    Or should I say, the least
    convincing lesbian in film history.
  • 48:23 - 48:26
    No lesbians were consulted
    in the making of this movie.
  • 48:26 - 48:27
    Because what the fuck is this?
  • 48:27 - 48:29
    It's turkey time.
  • 48:31 - 48:32
    Huh?
  • 48:32 - 48:33
    Gobble gobble.
  • 48:33 - 48:34
    You may not be able to tell
  • 48:34 - 48:38
    because this is the weirdest way
    I've ever heard anyone describe it
  • 48:38 - 48:41
    but she's talking about eating pussy here.
  • 48:41 - 48:44
    I really don't know who told J.Lo.
  • 48:44 - 48:46
    or whoever wrote this script
  • 48:46 - 48:48
    that lesbians call that turkey time.
  • 48:48 - 48:52
    But whoever it was deserves
    to be taken out behind a barn and shot.
  • 48:52 - 48:56
    Of course Gigli doesn't
    respect her sexuality.
  • 48:56 - 48:59
    Your girlfriends, they're at
    a natural disadvantage.
  • 48:59 - 49:02
    They might try hard
    but they're not just backed up
  • 49:02 - 49:04
    by millions of years
    of genetic engineering.
  • 49:04 - 49:08
    He whines and complains
    throughout the whole movie about
  • 49:08 - 49:11
    Oh, it's not fair, she's a lesbian
    but I'm attracted to her.
  • 49:11 - 49:12
    And I wanna be with her.
  • 49:12 - 49:15
    You know why I'm fucking sad?
    I've got this fucking
  • 49:15 - 49:17
    beautiful, sexy, gorgeous
    heartthrobba-rama
  • 49:17 - 49:19
    fucking smart, amazing, bombshell
  • 49:19 - 49:20
    17 on a fucking 10 scale girl
  • 49:20 - 49:22
    sleeping on the bed next to me.
  • 49:22 - 49:23
    She's a stone cold dyke.
  • 49:23 - 49:26
    A fucking untouchable,
    unaffable, unattainable
  • 49:26 - 49:27
    brick wall fucking dykossaurus rex.
  • 49:27 - 49:29
    (mocking) Eugh…eugh…
  • 49:29 - 49:32
    And after enough complaining,
    Ricki starts doing deeds with him.
  • 49:32 - 49:35
    It's not like this is realistic at all in anyway,
  • 49:35 - 49:38
    but in the hypothetical scenario
  • 49:38 - 49:42
    where for some reason
    a lesbian had sex with a guy
  • 49:42 - 49:43
    it would not be with this guy.
  • 49:46 - 49:48
    He's always like
    licking his teeth and shit.
  • 49:51 - 49:54
    But luckily there's not just
    lesbian cringe,
  • 49:55 - 49:57
    This ain't fucking
    lesbian talk circle time!
  • 49:57 - 49:59
    There's also plenty of
    heterosexual cringe.
  • 50:00 - 50:01
    God bless you penis.
  • 50:01 - 50:02
    And gay cringe.
  • 50:02 - 50:03
    I'm not gay!
  • 50:03 - 50:07
    Despite this movie literally
    being about mobsters,
  • 50:07 - 50:13
    nothing mobster-related really happens
    in this movie until the last 30 minutes
  • 50:13 - 50:15
    where for some reason Al Pacino is here.
  • 50:15 - 50:17
    You piece of shit!
  • 50:17 - 50:20
    I'm sure this is Al Pacino's
    favorite role of all time
  • 50:20 - 50:22
    right up there next to Jack and Jill.
  • 50:22 - 50:25
    Ok, come on, low bat it here pitcher,
    we got em.
  • 50:25 - 50:26
    Ho!
  • 50:26 - 50:27
    - Ho!
  • 50:28 - 50:29
    But to give it to you straight,
  • 50:29 - 50:34
    the movie ends with
    Gigli leaving the mentally disabled kid
  • 50:34 - 50:38
    on a random beach
    with the cast of Baywatch.
  • 50:38 - 50:42
    And it's literally played out like it's
    supposed to be this inspirational thing.
  • 50:42 - 50:44
    Like a tearjerker or something.
  • 50:44 - 50:52
    (inspirational music)
  • 50:52 - 50:55
    Meanwhile, Gigli and Ricki
    ride off into the sunset
  • 50:55 - 50:58
    just as she's telling him
    that he should wear some makeup.
  • 50:59 - 51:02
    You know I bet
    you'd look awesome in some mascara.
  • 51:02 - 51:03
    Do not watch this movie.
  • 51:03 - 51:05
    You will get a UTI.
  • 51:05 - 51:06
    Or that other thing.
  • 51:15 - 51:18
    [Evasive] Ok first of all,
    this movie is Catwoman in name only.
  • 51:18 - 51:21
    Despite being a DC comics movie,
  • 51:21 - 51:23
    the Catwoman of this movie
    has nothing to do
  • 51:23 - 51:25
    with the Catwoman from Batman.
  • 51:25 - 51:26
    This character has a different name
  • 51:26 - 51:28
    lives in a different city
  • 51:28 - 51:32
    and gets her cat superpowers from
    a magic cat burping in her mouth.
  • 51:32 - 51:36
    It's just so stupid,
    it's actually really fun to watch.
  • 51:36 - 51:39
    Especially the CGI Halle Berry
    during the action scenes.
  • 51:39 - 51:40
    It's so funny.
  • 51:40 - 51:42
    As you might expect this movie bombed hard
  • 51:42 - 51:46
    probably because they put it in theaters
    around the same time as Spiderman 2.
  • 51:46 - 51:50
    (laughing)
  • 51:50 - 51:52
    (laughing)
  • 51:52 - 51:54
    It's a pretty infamous superhero movie now
  • 51:54 - 51:57
    and the director Pitof was
    basically laughed out of Hollywood
  • 51:57 - 51:59
    and never directed a movie again.
  • 51:59 - 52:01
    But Halle Berry embraced
    this movie was a flop
  • 52:01 - 52:04
    and even showed up in person
    to accept her Razzie award.
  • 52:04 - 52:06
    First of all I wanna thank Warner Bros.
  • 52:06 - 52:08
    (crowd laughing)
  • 52:08 - 52:11
    Thank you for putting me in
    a piece of shit god-awful movie.
  • 52:11 - 52:17
    (crowd laughing, cheering)
  • 52:17 - 52:18
    (Berry cheering)
  • 52:24 - 52:25
    Dirty love is a…
  • 52:26 - 52:28
    "comedy",
  • 52:28 - 52:29
    created by Melissa McCarthy's cousin,
  • 52:29 - 52:33
    notorious anti-vaxxer and
    Masked Singer judge, Jenny McCarthy.
  • 52:33 - 52:37
    She stars as a woman who gets dumped
    by her boyfriend and her life falls apart.
  • 52:37 - 52:40
    It's really unhinged
    but not in a funny kind of way.
  • 52:40 - 52:44
    More in a "I'm born uncomfortable and
    I wanna leave the room," kind of way.
  • 52:44 - 52:47
    I had a hard time
    finding clips of this movie online
  • 52:47 - 52:49
    because it's pretty obscure
    and nobody likes it.
  • 52:49 - 52:52
    It's mostly badly delivered jokes
    and gross out humor
  • 52:52 - 52:54
    with a feminine spin.
  • 52:54 - 52:57
    And by feminine spin
    I, of course, mean period jokes
  • 52:57 - 52:59
    Like this scene where
    a bleeding Jenny McCarthy
  • 52:59 - 53:02
    goes to the grocery in a white skirt
    and no underwear
  • 53:02 - 53:04
    and almost bleeds out on the floor.
  • 53:04 - 53:06
    You know, relatable comedy for women.
  • 53:06 - 53:07
    Just girly things.
  • 53:07 - 53:09
    Hashtag just girly things.
  • 53:09 - 53:10
    Just girly things.
  • 53:10 - 53:13
    It's a girly thing,
    so you wouldn't understand, boys.
  • 53:13 - 53:15
    It's a girly thing.
  • 53:15 - 53:17
    Hashtag just girly things.
  • 53:17 - 53:20
    It's a girly thing, it's a girly thing.
  • 53:20 - 53:23
    (sing-song) Hashtag just girly things.
  • 53:31 - 53:33
    So this is a sequel to Basic Instinct,
  • 53:33 - 53:36
    an erotic murder mystery thriller
    from the early 90s
  • 53:36 - 53:38
    that's maybe best remembered
    for this scene
  • 53:38 - 53:40
    where Newman from Seinfeld
    sees Sharon Stone's
  • 53:40 - 53:43
    bare, uncensored pussy
    in an interrogation room.
  • 53:43 - 53:46
    The original was nominated
    for a few Razzies in its day
  • 53:46 - 53:48
    but it was a massive box office hit
  • 53:48 - 53:50
    and is today remembered as
    a pretty solid neo-noir thriller.
  • 53:50 - 53:53
    Now, Basic Instinct 2, on the other hand,
    only exists
  • 53:53 - 53:57
    because Sharon Stone was promised
    14 million dollars to star in the movie.
  • 53:57 - 53:59
    When the producers tried to cancel it,
  • 53:59 - 54:01
    she sued them to force them to make it.
  • 54:01 - 54:02
    Don't take it so hard.
  • 54:03 - 54:05
    Even Oedipus didn't see his mother coming.
  • 54:05 - 54:09
    It's hard to talk about this movie
    without spoiling the original a bit.
  • 54:09 - 54:11
    But I will say that overall
    I didn't hate this movie.
  • 54:11 - 54:15
    But I also barely remember the plot
    and I only saw it a couple of months ago.
  • 54:15 - 54:19
    It rehashes a lot of the same story beats
    and plot points as the original,
  • 54:19 - 54:20
    just not as good.
  • 54:20 - 54:23
    Would I call it a terrible movie?
  • 54:23 - 54:24
    No, not really.
  • 54:24 - 54:27
    Compared to the original,
    it's pretty bland and forgettable.
  • 54:27 - 54:31
    But that's what happens when you make
    a movie just to avoid a massive lawsuit.
  • 54:31 - 54:34
    Gotta love showbiz, baby.
  • 54:43 - 54:46
    I Know Who Killed Me is a horror movie
    starring Lindsay Lohan
  • 54:46 - 54:48
    as a girl who is kidnapped
    by a serial killer
  • 54:48 - 54:51
    but survives and wakes up in the hospital
    saying she's someone else.
  • 54:51 - 54:55
    This movie was released in July 27, 2007
  • 54:55 - 54:58
    right at the peak of the tabloid frenzy
    about Lindsay Lohan
  • 54:58 - 55:00
    and her struggles with
    alcohol and drug addiction.
  • 55:00 - 55:03
    There was a lot of attention on it
    while it was filming.
  • 55:03 - 55:06
    Especially because Lohan
    checked into rehab for the first time
  • 55:06 - 55:07
    a month into production.
  • 55:07 - 55:09
    The film set was so swarmed with paparazzi
  • 55:09 - 55:12
    that sometimes in the movie,
    some were in the background.
  • 55:12 - 55:14
    Then a couple months
    after filming wrapped,
  • 55:14 - 55:16
    Lohan was arrested for drunk driving.
  • 55:16 - 55:19
    Then on July 24th, just three days
    before the movie was released,
  • 55:19 - 55:22
    Lohan was arrested for drunk driving again
  • 55:22 - 55:24
    and couldn't attend the premiere.
  • 55:24 - 55:26
    All of this negative media attention
    made Lindsay Lohan
  • 55:26 - 55:28
    enemy number one in Hollywood.
  • 55:28 - 55:30
    Critics eviscerated this movie.
  • 55:30 - 55:31
    But in a year since its release,
  • 55:31 - 55:34
    this film has kind of become
    a cult classic with horror movie fans.
  • 55:34 - 55:38
    It's been screened in theaters
    many times over the last decade.
  • 55:38 - 55:40
    I've seen a lot of people online
    compare it to giallo movies,
  • 55:40 - 55:44
    an Italian film genre
    popular in the 60s and 70s
  • 55:44 - 55:47
    that mixed elements of murder movies,
    slashers, and erotica.
  • 55:47 - 55:49
    The influence of giallo is
    definitely present here.
  • 55:49 - 55:51
    It's a stylish weird thriller
  • 55:51 - 55:54
    and Lohan's background made her
    kind of perfect for the role
  • 55:54 - 55:58
    as the main character quickly transforms
    from a sweet high school girl
  • 55:58 - 56:01
    into a deeply traumatized woman
    with a robotic hand.
  • 56:01 - 56:04
    It's definitely not for everyone,
    myself included,
  • 56:04 - 56:06
    but if you're into
    weird gory horror movies,
  • 56:06 - 56:07
    there's a lot to vibe with here.
  • 56:07 - 56:09
    It's much better than Norbit,
    that's for sure.
  • 56:09 - 56:11
    Have you ever seen Norbit?
  • 56:11 - 56:14
    Ooh!
  • 56:14 - 56:15
    Ah! Bitches!
  • 56:15 - 56:19
    (screaming)
  • 56:19 - 56:21
    (screaming)
  • 56:30 - 56:32
    The Love Guru is a movie
  • 56:32 - 56:34
    written by, produced by,
    and starring Mike Meyers
  • 56:34 - 56:36
    that's mostly remembered as the movie
  • 56:36 - 56:38
    that completely tanked his career
  • 56:38 - 56:41
    and caused him to step away
    from Hollywood for 8 years.
  • 56:41 - 56:43
    Critics and audiences both hated it.
  • 56:43 - 56:44
    With critics calling it
  • 56:44 - 56:48
    lazy, immature, mindless,
    pitiable, insulting, painful,
  • 56:48 - 56:50
    gross, contemptuous,
    racist, and unlikable,
  • 56:50 - 56:52
    among many other things.
  • 56:52 - 56:54
    But don't take their word for it.
  • 56:54 - 56:55
    Take my word for it.
  • 56:57 - 57:00
    I don't have any other words for it,
    that sums it up.
  • 57:00 - 57:02
    This scene was in the trailer.
  • 57:02 - 57:03
    Woah! How did you get there?
  • 57:03 - 57:05
    (groans)
  • 57:05 - 57:07
    This little guy scared the crap out of me.
  • 57:07 - 57:09
    I might have to do a panty check,
  • 57:09 - 57:11
    might have some monkey mustard back there.
  • 57:11 - 57:12
    Who is this prick?
  • 57:12 - 57:13
    Shh.
  • 57:13 - 57:16
    Man, how do you do? Shrimp?
  • 57:17 - 57:19
    What did you call me, jagomoe?
  • 57:19 - 57:21
    I'm sorry I didn't catch your gnome—name!
  • 57:22 - 57:24
    You are a midget.
  • 57:24 - 57:26
    The plot of this movie is Mike Myers
  • 57:26 - 57:29
    plays a self-help guru named Maurice Pitka
  • 57:29 - 57:31
    who was raised in India
  • 57:31 - 57:32
    wears a chastity belt
  • 57:32 - 57:34
    and dreams of being on Oprah.
  • 57:34 - 57:35
    He's hired by the Toronto Maple Leaves
  • 57:35 - 57:38
    to help their star player
    get back together with his wife
  • 57:38 - 57:39
    because he is the Love Guru
  • 57:39 - 57:42
    and only he can save their marriage.
  • 57:42 - 57:43
    It's basically a one note movie
  • 57:43 - 57:46
    that feels like it was written
    by a 10 year old boy.
  • 57:46 - 57:48
    Every scene goes on for too long,
  • 57:48 - 57:50
    Mike Myers keeps laughing at his own jokes
  • 57:50 - 57:51
    and pretty much every line is about
  • 57:51 - 57:54
    poop, pee, farts, balls, or dicks,
  • 57:54 - 57:56
    with many of the characters' names
    being dick jokes.
  • 57:56 - 57:58
    We got Tugginmypudha,
  • 57:58 - 58:00
    coach Cherkov,
  • 58:00 - 58:01
    Le Coq,
  • 58:01 - 58:02
    Dick Pants,
  • 58:02 - 58:05
    (Evasive laughing)
  • 58:05 - 58:08
    It's not funny that John Oliver
    is named Dick Pants.
  • 58:08 - 58:09
    (laughing)
  • 58:09 - 58:12
    [Evasive] It's not… (laughing)
  • 58:18 - 58:20
    (Evasive)
    Ok, I'll be the first to say that
  • 58:20 - 58:24
    I don't think any of the
    Transformers movies are particularly good.
  • 58:24 - 58:25
    That being said,
  • 58:25 - 58:28
    Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
    is definitely the worst one,
  • 58:28 - 58:31
    if only for how offensive
    and annoying it is.
  • 58:31 - 58:33
    Pretty much every Transformer
    introduced in this movie
  • 58:33 - 58:35
    either talks with a racist accent,
  • 58:35 - 58:38
    or the most annoying
    cartoon voice imaginable.
  • 58:38 - 58:40
    And when it isn't being
    annoying or racist,
  • 58:40 - 58:41
    it's doing shit like this.
  • 58:41 - 58:45
    Name's Wheelie. Hah…hah…
    Say my name…hah…hah…
  • 58:45 - 58:47
    What are you allowing
    to happen to your foot?
  • 58:47 - 58:48
    At least he's faithful, Sam.
  • 58:48 - 58:51
    Yeah, well, he's faithful,
    and he's nude and he's perverted.
  • 58:51 - 58:52
    Hah…hah…hah…
  • 58:57 - 58:59
    (sighs)
  • 58:59 - 59:02
    Like is it any wonder
    Megan Fox quit the series after this?
  • 59:02 - 59:06
    Sadly this movie
    ended up making 836 million dollars
  • 59:06 - 59:10
    which was about 100 million more dollars
    than Up made that same year.
  • 59:11 - 59:14
    - This is giving me a heart attack.
    - 'Cause you was a wuss.
  • 59:14 - 59:16
    You forced me into that car, right?
  • 59:16 - 59:17
    Oh I think he scared.
  • 59:17 - 59:20
    Hey Mudflap. What we gonna do
    with this shrimp taco?
  • 59:20 - 59:23
    Lemme pop a cap in his ass, throw him
    in the truck, nobody gonna know nothing.
  • 59:27 - 59:30
    Why don't you get a haircut
    with your bitch ass?
  • 59:37 - 59:39
    What can I even say about this movie
  • 59:39 - 59:41
    that hasn't been said
    a thousand times already?
  • 59:41 - 59:44
    This live action trashfire
    directed by M. Night Shyamalan
  • 59:44 - 59:48
    attempted to condense the first season
    of an amazing animated TV show
  • 59:48 - 59:50
    into a 90 minute CGI-filled mess.
  • 59:50 - 59:52
    Maybe if you watch this,
  • 59:52 - 59:54
    having never seen the original series,
  • 59:54 - 59:57
    it's just another lame
    Hollywood fantasy action movie.
  • 59:57 - 60:00
    But for fans of the series,
    this was offensively bad.
  • 60:00 - 60:01
    The creators of the show
  • 60:01 - 60:04
    were not allowed to give any input
    on the movie's development.
  • 60:04 - 60:07
    Beloved characters were made
    one-dimensional and pointless,
  • 60:07 - 60:09
    major plot points were skipped over,
  • 60:09 - 60:11
    characters' names are pronounced wrong.
  • 60:11 - 60:13
    How do you even screw that up?
  • 60:13 - 60:14
    This movie made a lot of money
  • 60:14 - 60:16
    but was so hated by audiences
  • 60:16 - 60:19
    that Paramount must have known
    they couldn't fool people twice
  • 60:19 - 60:21
    and cancelled plans
    to adapt the other 2 seasons,
  • 60:21 - 60:25
    effectively sinking the career of the kid
    who played Aang before it even began.
  • 60:25 - 60:26
    It's just sad.
  • 60:26 - 60:29
    The whole movie is
    a sad waste of source material.
  • 60:29 - 60:33
    You'd probably have a better time
    playing the official Wii game
  • 60:33 - 60:34
    than watching this movie.
  • 60:34 - 60:41
    (vaguely Asian music)
    (wheels skidding)
  • 60:41 - 60:42
    (Evasive) Ok, maybe not.
  • 60:49 - 61:06
    (dramatic, haunting piano)
  • 61:15 - 61:17
    Alright, Razzies, respectfully,
  • 61:17 - 61:18
    what the fuck?
  • 61:18 - 61:21
    I wouldn't call myself a Twilight fan,
  • 61:21 - 61:24
    I never read the books and
    I didn't watch the movies until recently,
  • 61:24 - 61:27
    but even I know that
    the last movie in the Twilight series
  • 61:27 - 61:28
    isn't that bad a movie.
  • 61:28 - 61:32
    It's ridiculous, sure,
    but out of all the movies in this series,
  • 61:32 - 61:35
    it's the most interesting and
    exciting entry aside from the first one.
  • 61:35 - 61:39
    Obviously they gave it Worst Picture
    as a sort of dig at the entire series,
  • 61:39 - 61:41
    since others hadn't won
    Worst Picture before,
  • 61:41 - 61:42
    but come on.
  • 61:42 - 61:44
    Breaking Dawn Part 2 is fun.
  • 61:44 - 61:46
    It's got a big fight scene
    on a frozen lake,
  • 61:46 - 61:48
    it's got a girl named Renesmee,
  • 61:48 - 61:53
    it concludes one of the most iconic
    and stupid blockbuster series of all time.
  • 61:53 - 61:54
    It's so entertaining and over the top
  • 61:54 - 61:57
    even if you hate Twilight
    and everything about it,
  • 61:57 - 62:00
    you can't tell me this is worse
    than the Adam Sandler movie
  • 62:00 - 62:03
    where he shows a 13 year old
    impregnating his teacher.
  • 62:04 - 62:05
    You can't tell me that.
  • 62:05 - 62:07
    Because you'd be wrong.
  • 62:15 - 62:17
    Let me start this one off by
  • 62:17 - 62:20
    showing you the list of people
    who were involved in this movie.
  • 62:21 - 62:22
    That's not even all of them.
  • 62:22 - 62:25
    Movie 43 is a compilation of
    raunchy comedy sketches
  • 62:25 - 62:27
    each directed by different people.
  • 62:27 - 62:30
    Made on an impossibly cheap budget
    of 6 million dollars,
  • 62:30 - 62:32
    this thing took 3 whole years to film
  • 62:32 - 62:35
    because the producers
    worked around actors' schedules
  • 62:35 - 62:37
    to maximize how many famous people
    could show up in this.
  • 62:37 - 62:42
    The sketches themselves are a relentless
    onslaught of dirty shock humor.
  • 62:42 - 62:44
    There's one where Hugh Jackman
    has balls on his face.
  • 62:44 - 62:48
    There's one where Chloe Grace Moretz
    spills period blood on the wall.
  • 62:48 - 62:50
    There's one where a horny cat
    pisses on Elizabeth Banks.
  • 62:50 - 62:54
    There's one where Kieran Culkin wants to
    leave a hickey on Emma Stone's vagina.
  • 62:54 - 62:58
    My personal favorite was the one
    where Anna Faris asks Chris Pratt
  • 62:58 - 62:59
    to poop on her during sex.
  • 62:59 - 63:01
    - So he takes some—
    - Poop Viagra.
  • 63:01 - 63:02
    And then gets hit by car.
  • 63:02 - 63:03
    I love you, I wanna marry you.
  • 63:06 - 63:08
    Oh my god. Doug, no!
  • 63:08 - 63:09
    If you're feeling sadistic,
  • 63:09 - 63:12
    throw this on at your
    next bad movie night with friends.
  • 63:12 - 63:14
    It's got a little something for everyone.
  • 63:14 - 63:16
    I don't know what the hell
    Movie 43 even means.
  • 63:16 - 63:19
    But I'm in Movie 43,
    maybe I'm in Movie 44. I don't know.
  • 63:29 - 63:32
    So if you're unfamiliar, Kirk Cameron
    was a child actor in the 80s
  • 63:32 - 63:35
    who took a hard right turn
    into Evangelical Christianity
  • 63:35 - 63:37
    and has since appeared almost exclusively
  • 63:37 - 63:39
    in low-budget Christian movies
    and radio programs.
  • 63:40 - 63:43
    Today, he's mostly known
    for his inflammatory publicity stunts
  • 63:43 - 63:47
    Like in 2020, when he organized
    mask-less Christmas caroling events in LA
  • 63:47 - 63:49
    to protest COVID restrictions,
  • 63:49 - 63:52
    which he called
    "communism disguised as public health".
  • 63:52 - 63:53
    You know the type.
  • 63:53 - 63:54
    He's a nutcase,
  • 63:54 - 63:57
    and his movie had been dunked on
    a hundred times by YouTubers already
  • 63:57 - 64:00
    because for a while,
    this was the lowest-rated movie on IMDB,
  • 64:00 - 64:03
    with an average rating of 1.3 out of 10.
  • 64:03 - 64:06
    Which he claimed was the result
    of atheist conspiracy on Reddit.
  • 64:06 - 64:08
    The whole movie takes place in one house
  • 64:08 - 64:12
    and almost every scene is
    him using weird circular reasoning
  • 64:12 - 64:14
    to explain how
    non-Christian Christmas traditions
  • 64:14 - 64:16
    had actually been Christian all along.
  • 64:16 - 64:18
    Like how Christmas trees were God's idea
  • 64:18 - 64:20
    because God created trees.
  • 64:20 - 64:23
    Or how the holiday
    isn't actually materialistic
  • 64:23 - 64:24
    because the ability to buy gifts
  • 64:24 - 64:26
    is God's gift to humanity.
  • 64:26 - 64:27
    It's just boring.
  • 64:27 - 64:30
    It's a very boring movie
    where nothing happens,
  • 64:30 - 64:32
    everyone is just sitting
    or standing around
  • 64:32 - 64:33
    not doing anything.
  • 64:33 - 64:35
    The only remotely entertaining part
  • 64:35 - 64:37
    is when the extras have a
    dance party at the end.
  • 64:37 - 65:05
    ♫ (Angels we have heard on high
    dance remix) ♫
  • 65:12 - 65:16
    Fan-four-stic is a classic case of too many people having their hands in the same movie.
  • 65:16 - 65:18
    The writers disagreed on everything.
  • 65:18 - 65:21
    The director Josh Trank slept with a loaded gun on him
  • 65:21 - 65:24
    because he got death threats for casting Michael B. Jordan.
  • 65:24 - 65:26
    Fox executives had whole scenes cut out
  • 65:26 - 65:29
    and other scenes reshot without Trank's approval
  • 65:29 - 65:31
    because they thought his version was too dark.
  • 65:31 - 65:34
    Trank also put out a tweet before the movie came out
  • 65:34 - 65:35
    basically disowning it.
  • 65:35 - 65:36
    The end result of all of this
  • 65:36 - 65:38
    was an ugly, boring mess of a movie
  • 65:38 - 65:41
    where there's no real stakes or tension anywhere.
  • 65:41 - 65:44
    They don't become superheroes
    until halfway thru the movie
  • 65:44 - 65:47
    Mostly they're standing around,
    talking and not doing anything.
  • 65:47 - 65:49
    You can see the remnants of a decent movie,
  • 65:49 - 65:53
    like here where Miles Teller wakes up on a hospital bed looking like Lanky Kong.
  • 65:53 - 65:57
    But we'll never know what the movie was
    supposed to be because nobody cares.
  • 65:57 - 66:00
    There's nobody out there saying
    hashtag release the trank cut.
  • 66:00 - 66:03
    I want them to go see
    just a really great movie.
  • 66:04 - 66:08
    Uh…something that is…uh…
    different from…uh…
  • 66:08 - 66:13
    Dr. Doom is the…the top 5
    greatest characters
  • 66:13 - 66:16
    that ever come off of a comic book
  • 66:16 - 66:18
    …uh…you know…panel.
  • 66:18 - 66:23
    Science is really cool and…this is
    something that I think, you know
  • 66:23 - 66:25
    Uh…hopefully…umm…
  • 66:34 - 66:36
    So 2015 was another tie
  • 66:36 - 66:39
    with Fifty Shades of Grey also being awarded Worst Picture.
  • 66:39 - 66:41
    This is another movie where I"m like,
  • 66:41 - 66:44
    what can I possibly say about this that hasn't been said already?
  • 66:44 - 66:48
    It's based on an erotic novel that started out as a Twilight Fanfiction,
  • 66:48 - 66:50
    the stars have no chemistry
  • 66:50 - 66:52
    and nothing about their relationship is believable.
  • 66:52 - 66:55
    The movie spawned that Love Me Like You Do song
  • 66:55 - 66:58
    that's haunted retail workers for almost a decade now.
  • 66:58 - 66:59
    It's just a bad movie.
  • 66:59 - 67:02
    It's boring and bad and it made over 500 million dollars
  • 67:02 - 67:06
    so rather than repeat the same things
    a hundred other YouTubers have said
  • 67:06 - 67:08
    I'll just leave you with a little mental image.
  • 67:08 - 67:11
    See, this movie came out on Valentine's Day 2015.
  • 67:11 - 67:14
    I want you to imagine all the thousands of couples
  • 67:14 - 67:16
    who went to see this on Valentine's Day.
  • 67:17 - 67:19
    I want you to visualize Kayllynn and Greg
  • 67:19 - 67:20
    from Sugar Land, Texas
  • 67:20 - 67:23
    who went to see this at the local AMC on Valentine's Day.
  • 67:24 - 67:27
    I want you to visualize Kayllynn giving Greg a dry handjob
  • 67:27 - 67:29
    in the back of the theater, 40 minutes into the movie.
  • 67:29 - 67:32
    Visualize them going to Applebees after
  • 67:32 - 67:33
    to eat a slightly burnt chicken breast
  • 67:33 - 67:35
    and some unseasoned broccoli.
  • 67:35 - 67:37
    I want you to visualize—
  • 67:46 - 67:47
    If you don't know already,
  • 67:47 - 67:50
    Dinesh D'Souza is a far-right political commentator
  • 67:50 - 67:53
    who's been releasing propaganda films every year since 2012.
  • 67:53 - 67:56
    He also pleaded guilty to campaign finance fraud in 2014
  • 67:56 - 67:59
    and was sentenced to 5 years probation.
  • 67:59 - 68:03
    During which, he made Hillary's America: The Secret History of the Democratic Party.
  • 68:03 - 68:05
    Released in the summer of 2016,
  • 68:05 - 68:08
    Hillary's America is a movie that claims it's a documentary
  • 68:08 - 68:11
    but aside from a few news clips and scripted-sounding interviews,
  • 68:11 - 68:14
    much of the movie is either historical reenactments
  • 68:14 - 68:16
    or D'Souza talking to terrible actors
  • 68:16 - 68:19
    and trying to pass it off as documentary footage.
  • 68:19 - 68:22
    The movie opens with D'Souza being sentenced for fraud
  • 68:22 - 68:25
    which he claims was a Democratic conspiracy to shut him up
  • 68:25 - 68:26
    and from there he goes to prison
  • 68:26 - 68:29
    and starts interviewing other prisoners about how gangs work
  • 68:29 - 68:31
    You know, gangs are
    all about stealing, man.
  • 68:31 - 68:33
    What's the biggest gang?
  • 68:33 - 68:34
    Right in your face.
  • 68:35 - 68:36
    Politicians, man.
  • 68:37 - 68:40
    - How does a gang make money?
    - Any way they can, you know?
  • 68:41 - 68:43
    Trafficking, smuggling,
    stealing, extortion,
  • 68:43 - 68:45
    Yeah, but how do they pull it off?
  • 68:45 - 68:48
    Later on, he visits the Democratic National Headquarters
  • 68:48 - 68:50
    and it's all done up to look like a high-tech museum
  • 68:50 - 68:52
    for the glory of the Democratic Party.
  • 68:52 - 68:55
    Then he sneaks into the restricted part of the building
  • 68:55 - 68:57
    and breaks into the secret archives
  • 68:57 - 69:00
    to reveal the secret information
  • 69:00 - 69:03
    that is literally in the curriculum in 8th Grade US History.
  • 69:03 - 69:08
    Like, "Hey guys, did you know that most of the slaveowners in the Civil War were Democrats?
  • 69:08 - 69:13
    Wow, isn't that crazy? How come nobody's talking about this?"
  • 69:13 - 69:18
    The sad truth is this movie sold 13 million dollars worth of tickets when it came out.
  • 69:18 - 69:22
    Which means that hundreds of thousands of very gullible Americans saw this in theaters.
  • 69:22 - 69:25
    And many probably dragged their impressionable kids
  • 69:25 - 69:29
    when all they wanted to do was play
    the new Pokémon Go that just came out.
  • 69:30 - 69:31
    It's depressing to think about.
  • 69:31 - 69:33
    2016 was a very dark time.
  • 69:33 - 69:38
    But I try to figure out how we get them to have Pokémon Go to the polls.
  • 69:38 - 69:41
    (cheering)
  • 69:47 - 69:50
    Hey guys, I'm sorry, I can't talk about the Emoji Movie.
  • 69:50 - 69:55
    You see, on a hot summer day in 2017, I actually saw The Emoji Movie in theaters
  • 69:55 - 69:58
    in a room full of screaming, sugared up children.
  • 69:58 - 70:00
    And if you think this movie looks bad enough on its own,
  • 70:00 - 70:02
    try watching it completely sober
  • 70:02 - 70:04
    while a 7 year old kicks the back of your chair the whole time.
  • 70:04 - 70:07
    I just can't relive the trauma of that day again.
  • 70:08 - 70:10
    So I pass this one off to the trash guy.
  • 70:10 - 70:14
    Young Junko. He was the best lawyer who ever lived.
  • 70:15 - 70:18
    But decidingly the hammer of justice made him his walnut.
  • 70:18 - 70:20
    And under the pressure, he cracked.
  • 70:21 - 70:23
    By his side, he had only left this note.
  • 70:24 - 70:28
    Sad face, cry face, trash can, water gun, squirt, sad face.
  • 70:28 - 70:31
    Watch the Emoji Movie in theaters for more info.
  • 70:31 - 70:34
    Emoji Movie is like the cinematic equivalent
  • 70:34 - 70:37
    of seeing an ad for Cricket Wireless on the side of the bus.
  • 70:37 - 70:38
    It's the same artistic merit.
  • 70:38 - 70:40
    It's hard not to look at this movie without
  • 70:40 - 70:43
    thinking of the evolution of 3D animation as a craft
  • 70:43 - 70:46
    in the last four years, the way the medium improved over time,
  • 70:46 - 70:50
    not just in fidelity, but the heartfelt boundary-pushing storytelling
  • 70:50 - 70:52
    that made animated characters come across as more tangible.
  • 70:52 - 70:55
    And exploring the worlds they inhabited in a surreal way,
  • 70:55 - 70:59
    and all that led to this, a movie about emojis.
  • 71:00 - 71:01
    On a kid's cell phone.
  • 71:02 - 71:04
    It's so impersonal, it's not like Toy Story,
  • 71:04 - 71:06
    where Andy and the Toys have a clear relationship.
  • 71:06 - 71:10
    In Emoji Land, you get scanned whenever the kid picks you for the text message.
  • 71:10 - 71:13
    Like why is this kid only texting in emojis?
  • 71:13 - 71:14
    He's like a little man slut.
  • 71:14 - 71:17
    The whole plot being, he wants to text a girl in his class,
  • 71:17 - 71:22
    and that's it. He has no connection to any of these main central characters,
  • 71:22 - 71:23
    they're just a button on his phone.
  • 71:23 - 71:24
    It's so pointless.
  • 71:24 - 71:26
    The world's not interesting at all.
  • 71:26 - 71:30
    The main character, Gene, is supposed to be the Meh emoji,
  • 71:30 - 71:33
    but he's malfunctioning, so he goes on a quest with Hand Emoji
  • 71:33 - 71:37
    and Jailbreak, an elite emo hacker girl emoji with blue hair
  • 71:37 - 71:40
    who can access the cloud and see all the Rule 34 of herself
  • 71:40 - 71:41
    made over the years.
  • 71:41 - 71:43
    - Oh!
    - [Hand] Suck it in!
  • 71:43 - 71:43
    No, stop it!
  • 71:43 - 71:45
    [Junko] It's a movie made specifically for
  • 71:45 - 71:48
    loud drunk parents circa 2017 to take their iPad kids to
  • 71:49 - 71:50
    so they can run around the theater and pick their ass
  • 71:50 - 71:52
    while they shove a bunch of ads up their eyeballs
  • 71:52 - 71:55
    You've got whole scenes explaining Candy Crush,
  • 71:55 - 71:58
    Just Dance, and Spotify.
  • 71:58 - 72:01
    It's as shameless and corporate as an animated movie could possibly be.
  • 72:01 - 72:04
    I'm sure some belligerently wasted parent in the theater
  • 72:04 - 72:07
    howled with laughter as James Corden, Hand Emoji, said "Bye Felicia."
  • 72:07 - 72:09
    - Bye Felicia!
  • 72:09 - 72:11
    [Junko] I wouldn't know though, because the first time I saw Emoji Movie
  • 72:11 - 72:13
    was at 2 AM on a hacked Amazon Fire Stick
  • 72:13 - 72:15
    plugged into my friend's portable CRT.
  • 72:15 - 72:18
    That's just about the viewing experience this movie deserves.
  • 72:18 - 72:23
    [Evasive] But hey, for as much as a soulless cash grab that the Emoji Movie was,
  • 72:23 - 72:25
    there is one good thing about it.
  • 72:25 - 72:27
    And that's that it is inadvertently responsible
  • 72:27 - 72:29
    for causing Jordan Peele to make Get Out.
  • 72:44 - 72:46
    Holmes & Watson was the much anticipated reunion
  • 72:46 - 72:48
    between John C. Reilly and Will Ferrell
  • 72:48 - 72:51
    a duo that starred in a couple of smash hit comedies in the mid-2000s.
  • 72:51 - 72:54
    So when this movie released to atrocious reviews,
  • 72:54 - 72:57
    it left some people scratching their head wondering
  • 72:57 - 72:59
    how two guys who worked so well together before,
  • 72:59 - 73:01
    could fuck up a movie this bad.
  • 73:01 - 73:03
    And trust me, no matter what your sense of humor is,
  • 73:03 - 73:05
    this movie is bad.
  • 73:05 - 73:06
    It's not funny, at all,
  • 73:06 - 73:08
    not even a little bit.
  • 73:08 - 73:10
    It's just boring and hard to watch.
  • 73:10 - 73:12
    Right, I know. He's an onanist.
  • 73:12 - 73:14
    - Yes.
    - What's an onanist?
  • 73:14 - 73:16
    He, let's see.
  • 73:16 - 73:18
    He pours his own tea.
  • 73:19 - 73:23
    He likes to create his own sauce.
  • 73:23 - 73:25
    He is a saucier.
  • 73:25 - 73:29
    And the name of his restaurant is Crotch Kitchen.
  • 73:29 - 73:32
    On a daily basis, he creams his own eclair.
  • 73:32 - 73:34
    [Evasive] The plot is impossible to follow,
  • 73:34 - 73:36
    the jokes fall flat on their face,
  • 73:36 - 73:37
    and some of them were already dated
  • 73:37 - 73:39
    by the time the movie came out.
  • 73:39 - 73:41
    Compared to Tallaadega Nights and Stepbrothers,
  • 73:41 - 73:43
    everything about their delivery here just feels off.
  • 73:43 - 73:46
    And the blame probably rests with writer-director Etan Cohen.
  • 73:46 - 73:48
    Not to be confused with Ethan Coen. No.
  • 73:48 - 73:52
    Etan Cohen is a writer who built a pretty decent resumé
  • 73:52 - 73:53
    in the 90s and the 2000s
  • 73:53 - 73:55
    and decided to branch out into directing
  • 73:55 - 73:57
    with Get Hard in 2015.
  • 73:57 - 73:59
    Holmes & Watson was his second attempt at directing
  • 73:59 - 74:00
    and possibly his last
  • 74:00 - 74:03
    because the movie just barely didn't break even.
  • 74:03 - 74:06
    And since its release, Cohen seems to turn exclusively to writing.
  • 74:06 - 74:10
    My theory is, the man didn't know how to direct Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly.
  • 74:10 - 74:14
    He just got them together and assumed their chemistry would carry the movie.
  • 74:14 - 74:18
    Because the whole thing feels like he just dressed them up in Victorian Era clothes and said
  • 74:18 - 74:23
    "Just do whatever you want. We'll edit it down to just the funny parts."
  • 74:23 - 74:24
    And then surprise.
  • 74:24 - 74:25
    None of it was funny.
  • 74:25 - 74:26
    [Holmes] You know what I've found,
  • 74:26 - 74:28
    to take the most attractive photographs,
  • 74:28 - 74:31
    you need to purse your lips together like a duck-billed platypus.
  • 74:32 - 74:33
    [Watson] Platypus face!
  • 74:33 - 74:34
    Chins up!
  • 74:36 - 74:37
    Hey!
  • 74:37 - 74:38
    Hey! Hey, girl!
  • 74:50 - 74:52
    Cats is a hilarious movie.
  • 74:52 - 74:55
    It is so funny for all the wrong reasons.
  • 74:55 - 74:56
    I saw this in theaters when it came out
  • 74:56 - 74:59
    after eating a couple of very powerful weed gummies
  • 74:59 - 75:02
    and it is an experience I will remember for the rest of my life.
  • 75:02 - 75:04
    It's unlike any other movie ever made.
  • 75:04 - 75:05
    It really is.
  • 75:05 - 75:07
    ♫ Wuddly-wah, wuddly-wah ♫
  • 75:07 - 75:08
    It's dinner and a show.
  • 75:09 - 75:11
    ♫ Wuddly-wah, wuddly-wah ♫
  • 75:11 - 75:14
    ♫ A-dooba-dooba-doo ♫
  • 75:14 - 75:17
    ♫ Tak-pity-pak-pity-pak ♫
  • 75:17 - 75:19
    Released at the tail end of 2019,
  • 75:19 - 75:22
    Cats was an act of pure hubris from director Tom Hooper,
  • 75:22 - 75:25
    who was well known in Hollywood at this point for directing
  • 75:25 - 75:28
    the King's Speech, Les Misérables, and The Danish Girl.
  • 75:28 - 75:31
    Well I guess Tommy Boy got pretty full of himself after all those award-winners,
  • 75:31 - 75:35
    because for his next project, he proceeded to blow a hundred million dollars
  • 75:35 - 75:37
    on a film adaptation of Cats: The Musical.
  • 75:37 - 75:39
    Behind the scenes, Hooper rushed the movie out the door
  • 75:39 - 75:41
    so it could release in time for Christmas.
  • 75:41 - 75:44
    And in the process, treated the animators like complete shit.
  • 75:44 - 75:47
    Anonymous sources later reported that Hooper knew nothing about animation,
  • 75:47 - 75:49
    made them work 90-hour weeks for months,
  • 75:49 - 75:53
    and was horrible, disrespectful, demeaning, and condescending
  • 75:53 - 75:54
    toward everyone.
  • 75:54 - 75:57
    One source said that Hooper talked to the animators
  • 75:57 - 75:58
    like they were garbage
  • 75:58 - 76:01
    and even compared their time working on cats to slavery.
  • 76:01 - 76:03
    It's been a few years now since Cats released,
  • 76:03 - 76:06
    and Tom Hooper hasn't been heard from since.
  • 76:06 - 76:09
    So I think it's safe to assume that those allegations were completely true
  • 76:09 - 76:11
    and he won't be making a comeback any time soon.
  • 76:11 - 76:14
    At this point, I'd like to play you a song from the movie
  • 76:14 - 76:16
    but YouTube would probably demonetize me if I did that.
  • 76:16 - 76:19
    So instead I'm gonna play you a public service announcement from the 80s.
  • 76:22 - 76:24
    An accident? An accident?
  • 76:24 - 76:25
    Accident.
  • 76:25 - 76:27
    The humans have an accident.
  • 76:27 - 76:29
    There was a child in the car.
  • 76:29 - 76:30
    A child?
  • 76:30 - 76:31
    A child?
  • 76:31 - 76:32
    A child?
  • 76:32 - 76:35
    Cats have 9 lives, children only one,
  • 76:35 - 76:38
    help them live their life, buckle them into a car seat,
  • 76:38 - 76:41
    no one wants a child to become a memory.
  • 76:41 - 76:47
    ♫ Memory, all alone in the moonlight. ♫
  • 76:55 - 76:59
    So Absolute Proof is not a movie.
  • 76:59 - 77:01
    For the first time in Razzie history,
  • 77:01 - 77:02
    the Razzies gave Worst Picture
  • 77:02 - 77:05
    to something that was not a movie.
  • 77:05 - 77:06
    This is a 2-hour long special
  • 77:06 - 77:10
    that aired on One America News in February 2021
  • 77:10 - 77:12
    where Mike Lindell, the MyPillow guy,
  • 77:12 - 77:16
    bought airtime to prove that the 2020 election was hacked by China,
  • 77:16 - 77:19
    using statistics that were proven to be fake,
  • 77:19 - 77:21
    and interviewing experts that don't have any real credentials.
  • 77:21 - 77:23
    This special was also uploaded on YouTube,
  • 77:23 - 77:26
    but was quickly taken down for spreading false information.
  • 77:26 - 77:29
    I was hoping it would be at least unintentionally funny,
  • 77:29 - 77:31
    but it's just really boring to watch.
  • 77:31 - 77:33
    - It's mostly the MyPillow guy saying
    - Woah.
  • 77:33 - 77:36
    talking about voting data that was given to him by a fraudster.
  • 77:36 - 77:40
    At one point, he brings out a guy who claims he invented e-mail.
  • 77:40 - 77:42
    You know, from creating e-mail and all these systems.
  • 77:42 - 77:44
    I know the power of machines.
  • 77:44 - 77:48
    Yeah, he created e-mails. The creator of e-mails.
  • 77:48 - 77:50
    I don't know, I don't have anything to say about this one.
  • 77:50 - 77:52
    It's not a movie.
  • 78:02 - 78:04
    So this is also not a movie.
  • 78:04 - 78:07
    Diana The Musical is a Broadway show
  • 78:07 - 78:09
    that was planned to open on March 31st, 2020.
  • 78:09 - 78:12
    Obviously, that didn't pan out, but in summer of 2020
  • 78:12 - 78:14
    they were able to get the cast together to make a recording of the show.
  • 78:14 - 78:17
    With heavy COVID restrictions and with no audience, of course.
  • 78:17 - 78:20
    Then, for some bizarre reason,
  • 78:20 - 78:23
    they decided to release that recording
    on Netflix on October 2021
  • 78:23 - 78:26
    a whole month before the show reopened on Broadway.
  • 78:26 - 78:29
    Obviously, this was the dumbest possible thing they could've ever done
  • 78:29 - 78:32
    because why would anyone who isn't a hardcore House Windsor stan
  • 78:32 - 78:35
    pay over a hundred dollars for a Broadway ticket to this cringefest
  • 78:35 - 78:38
    when they could just watch the cringefest for free at home.
  • 78:38 - 78:40
    This show was a complete flop,
  • 78:40 - 78:43
    performing to a half-full theater every night for a month,
  • 78:43 - 78:45
    until the producers put the show out of its misery
  • 78:45 - 78:46
    and cancelled it on December 19.
  • 78:46 - 78:49
    Even if it hadn't been dumped on Netflix before it opened,
  • 78:49 - 78:50
    it still probably would've flopped
  • 78:50 - 78:53
    because it's every bit as tone deaf as the title suggests.
  • 78:53 - 78:57
    The lyrics sound like a 14 year old girl saw Hamilton and Newsies a few times
  • 78:57 - 79:00
    and was like, "Oh my gosh, I can do that too!"
  • 79:00 - 79:02
    except it wasn't written by a 14 year old girl,
  • 79:02 - 79:05
    it was written by a Tony Award-winning playwright in his 50s.
  • 79:05 - 79:08
    Here is just a sample of some of the lyrics this show throws at you.
  • 79:08 - 79:11
    ♫ Alright, I'm no intellect. ♫
  • 79:11 - 79:14
    ♫ But maybe there's a discotheque ♫
  • 79:14 - 79:16
    ♫ where the prince could hear some Prince ♫
  • 79:16 - 79:19
    ♫ and we'd all get funkadelic ♫
  • 79:19 - 79:20
    ♫ You thought I was a ninny, ♫
  • 79:20 - 79:22
    ♫ you could mold me as you like. ♫
  • 79:22 - 79:23
    ♫ Well the skinny on that ninny ♫
  • 79:23 - 79:25
    ♫ is she's really rather bright. ♫
  • 79:25 - 79:28
    ♫ I just got a ticket to the main event ♫
  • 79:28 - 79:33
    ♫ It's the Thrilla in Manila but with Diana and Camilla ♫
  • 79:39 - 79:42
    Directed by eccentric auteur Andrew Dominik,
  • 79:42 - 79:45
    Blonde is the most recent Worst Picture winner as the time I made this video
  • 79:45 - 79:47
    and probably the most controversial winner since Showgirls.
  • 79:47 - 79:51
    It's a nearly 3 hour long, NC-17 rated movie
  • 79:51 - 79:52
    about the life of Marilyn Monroe
  • 79:52 - 79:54
    that takes extreme liberties with her life story
  • 79:54 - 79:57
    because it's actually based on a historical fiction novel
  • 79:57 - 79:58
    by Joyce Carol Oates.
  • 79:58 - 80:00
    The reviews of this thing were all over the place.
  • 80:00 - 80:02
    When it premiered at the Venice Film Festival,
  • 80:02 - 80:04
    it received a 14-minute long standing ovation
  • 80:04 - 80:07
    and early critic reviews were extremely positive.
  • 80:07 - 80:09
    Then it released on Netflix a few weeks later
  • 80:09 - 80:10
    and the drama started.
  • 80:10 - 80:13
    On the positive end, the movie got praised for its stunning cinematography
  • 80:13 - 80:16
    and for Anna De Armas' performance as Monroe.
  • 80:16 - 80:19
    On the negative end, the movie was criticized for being
  • 80:19 - 80:21
    exploitative, sexist, and dehumanizing,
  • 80:21 - 80:22
    and for brutally depicting Marilyn Monroe
  • 80:22 - 80:25
    as a helpless girl relentlessly abused by the Hollywood system
  • 80:25 - 80:28
    when her real life story was much more complicated than that.
  • 80:28 - 80:30
    And it certainly doesn't help that
  • 80:30 - 80:32
    Andrew Dominik doubled down on it, after the film's release,
  • 80:32 - 80:35
    saying, "Criticism only hurts if you agree with it,
  • 80:35 - 80:37
    and I didn't agree with any of it.
  • 80:37 - 80:40
    She's dead, the movie doesn't make any difference to her one way or another.
  • 80:40 - 80:45
    What they mean is that the film exploited their memory of her, the image of her,
  • 80:45 - 80:47
    which is fair enough. It does. That's the whole point of the movie.
  • 80:47 - 80:49
    That's the whole problem with Marilyn Monroe.
  • 80:49 - 80:52
    Everybody feels like they know her and what's best for her."
  • 80:53 - 80:54
    I don't know about you guys,
  • 80:54 - 80:56
    I could speak on this movie more,
  • 80:56 - 80:58
    but I don't want to.
  • 80:58 - 81:00
    This is the last movie on this list
  • 81:00 - 81:01
    and I'm tapping out.
  • 81:01 - 81:03
    I don't wanna see any of you in the comments saying,
  • 81:03 - 81:06
    "Oh, Eva tapping out.
  • 81:06 - 81:07
    Eva not giving her real opinion.
  • 81:07 - 81:09
    You're being evasive.
  • 81:09 - 81:11
    You can't do that."
  • 81:20 - 81:22
    Thank god this is over.
  • 81:22 - 81:26
    My eyeballs and my brain are absolutely fried right now.
  • 81:26 - 81:28
    I don't have a single thought left in my head.
  • 81:28 - 81:30
    But let me go ahead and summarize my thoughts
  • 81:30 - 81:32
    by sorting all these movies into 4 categories.
  • 81:32 - 81:33
    These categories are
  • 81:33 - 81:36
    Boring Bad, Funny Bad, Not That Bad,
  • 81:36 - 81:38
    and Crimes against Humanity.
  • 81:38 - 81:40
    And there we go.
  • 81:46 - 81:47
    I am Evasive,
  • 81:47 - 81:49
    thank you to my Patreon supporters,
  • 81:49 - 81:51
    thank you to all of you for watching,
  • 81:51 - 81:52
    and thank you so much to my guests
  • 81:52 - 81:54
    for contributing to this video.
  • 81:54 - 81:56
    And hey, Razzie people, if you're watching,
  • 81:57 - 81:58
    Hi.
  • 81:58 - 82:00
    Invite me to the show sometime, maybe.
  • 82:00 - 82:02
    Honestly I think you guys are a little cringey
  • 82:02 - 82:04
    and you've made some very questionable decisions in the past
  • 82:04 - 82:07
    but like…I don't care.
  • 82:07 - 82:09
    In the meantime, we're going to do
  • 82:10 - 82:12
    literally anything else besides watching movies.
  • 82:12 - 82:13
    You know what I'm gonna do.
  • 82:14 - 82:15
    I'm gonna look at some clouds.
  • 82:16 - 82:17
    Ooh, and touch grass.
  • 82:17 - 82:19
    Oh I can't remember the last time I touched grass.
  • 82:19 - 82:21
    I'm gonna go outside, look at some clouds,
  • 82:21 - 82:22
    and touch grass.
  • 82:22 - 82:23
    Ok, bye guys.
Title:
I Watched Every Razzie Worst Picture Winner (ft. ​Nikki Carreon & YungJunko)
Description:

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Video Language:
English
Team:
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Duration:
01:23:02

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