I Watched Every Razzie Worst Picture Winner (ft. ​Nikki Carreon & YungJunko)

What's up cinephiles,
I'm Evasive,

and this piece of paper right here
means two things:

Number one, I am tens of
thousands of

dollars in debt,

and number two, I know a lot
about movies.

Since the U.S government
isn't giving me any debt relief this year,

I have no choice now but to
torture myself on the Internet

for money to pay off the loans

I took out to go to film school.

So for this video, I watched every
movie that's ever won

a Razzie Award for Worst Picture
of the Year.

This was an extremely painful
experience

and I regretted my decision
immediately,

but for the sake of
my adoring fans

and my bank account,

I went ahead and watched
all 46 of these

movies so I could
explain them to you.

But after the grueling experience
of watching all these,

I'm not about to tackle this
breakdown alone.

So I went ahead and roped in
another video essay girly

and a talking trash can

to help explain some of these
movies for me.

But before I get to the movies,

let me explain what the Razzies are.

The Golden Raspberry Awards are
an annual event,

usually held the night before the Oscars,

to award the worst
movies of the year.

It was founded by Hollywood
copywriter

John Wilson and editor Maureen
Murphy.

The idea for the Razzies came
about in 1980

when Wilson saw Can't Stop
the Music and Xanadu, back to back

and hated them so much, that
there ought to be an award show

for this type of thing.

Months later, Wilson hosted an

Oscars watch party at his house,

and after the Oscars had finished,

he and Murphy passed out ballots
to everyone

for the worst movies of the year,

and then he announced the
winners.

Over time, the ceremony
grew and grew,

and today they're considered a staple
of the Hollywood award season

as a low-budget Bizarro World
Oscars

that distributes awards in
categories

such as Worst Actor, Worst Director,

and Worst Screenplay.

Unlike the qualifications for voting
at the Oscars,

becoming a Razzie voter
is very easy:

either be friends with
one of the producers

or just pay a $40 membership fee.

That's all it takes.

So that's the story of the Razzies.

Now are you ready to learn about
every single movie

that won Worst Picture?

Because I wasn't.

There's 46 of these things, so I'm
going to talk about each one

for just a minute or two

and hand off a few to my guests

so I don't completely lose my mind here.

Also, I put a content warning on a
bunch of these movies

because of the sensitive subject
matter I discuss.

Not trying to traumatize anybody
but myself in this video.

Well, me and my guests.

But I commissioned them for this,
so it-it's fine.

Anybody who can swallow 2 snowballs
and a ding-dong shouldn't

have trouble with pride.

The first movie to win Worst Picture was
Can't Stop The Music,

A movie about the "origins"
of the disco group Village People.

I say origins in air-quotes because
the Village People play themselves

and the plot is completely made-up

and not at all how the Village People
actually formed

The movie itself is super campy
and full of these crazy musical numbers

that are unironically kinda great.

It's just too bad that in between
those musical numbers are these scenes

with really terrible acting
that go on for way too long.

Wait a minute! I am not taking one
more step 'til I know where I'm going.

Yeah, quit my job, and you
got me walking the beat again!

- I'm not even getting paid for it!
- Hold your horses.

I told you I had a surprise for you.

I hope so. I turned in my
coin change with the toll booth.

It wasn't that awful, but by 1980
the disco fad was pretty much over and

people loved to hate on
disco music at the time

so you can see why this
ended up being such a huge bomb.

Also, shockingly, this movie marks the
first film appearance of Caitlyn Jenner

and apparently the experience was so bad

she didn't appear in a movie again until
Jack & Jill in 2011.

And, uh, well.

Mommie Dearest is a "biopic"

about the life of actress Joan Crawford's
adopted daughter Christina.

Again, I say biopic in air-quotes
because the movie was based on

Christina Crawford's controversial memoir

that other members of Joan Crawford's
family disavowed when it came out.

I haven't done much research on the topic

so I'm in no position
to question this story.

But I will say that after
the movie was made

Christina said the film was grotesque
and not true to her memoir.

Released just 4 years after
Joan Crawford passed away,

this movie basically spits all over
her fresh grave

and portrays her as a horrible mother

who frequently, physically and emotionally
abused her daughter.

Whether or not this is actually true
is still a matter for debate.

Regardless of the real-life circumstances
behind the movie,

Faye Dunway's performance
of Joan Crawford is iconic now.

People who have experienced
emotional abuse from a parent

found her performance
scarily true to their own life experiences

but general audiences thought
she was just being

outrageously campy and
over the top the whole movie.

Because of its reputation

the film accidentally
became a queer cult classic over the years

especially in the drag community.

It was even featured in the most
recent season of RuPaul's Drag Race.

"No wire hangers!"

♫ No more wire hangers ♫
♫ Ah, ah! ♫

♫ No, no, wire hangers ♫
♫ No, no, no, no ♫

[Evasive] Inchon is a movie about
the battle of Incheon in the Korean War.

It was financed and produced
by the Unification Church,

a movement that was and still is
considered a dangerous cult

with a leader who called himself
the second coming of Jesus Christ.

The film's producer was
a very wealthy member of the church.

He said he was instructed by God
to make the film.

So, unsurprisingly, no investors wanted
any part of this.

All 46 million dollars of the budget was
provided by the church and its followers.

The film itself doesn't have much
to do with the Unification Church.

It's a straightforward war movie that's
just boring and unremarkable.

It had some star power but only because
the actors in it were paid a lot of money.

Laurence Olivier admitted even
before the movie was released

that he was only in it for the money.

It was such a flop that nobody
bothered to release it on home media.

The only available version
of the movie today

is from an old VHS rip from when it
played on Unification Church TV channel.

The only thing worth seeing in this movie
is Laurence Olivier's makeup job.

I mean he looks like the Joker.

This movie is just tasteless.

it's based on a novel by Harold Robbins

who was paid 600 000 dollars
for the film rights

and apparently fell asleep
in the screening room

and never actually watched the movie.

First of all, in the first 15 minutes,

young Ray Liotta,
in his first ever movie role,

sexually assaults the main character
with a garden hose.

After that the rest of the movie
is just her being forced to have sex

with gross older men
in order to get ahead in Hollywood.

And you see all of it.

It seems like it was trying to criticize
sexism in Hollywood

but instead of handling it
with nuance or respect

the movie fully shows the sex scenes

and does the very thing
it's trying to critique.

The final scene of the movie shows
her winning an Oscar for Best Screenplay

and calling out the men
who took advantage of her

in her acceptance speech.

Then she's booed off stage, and leaves,
and the movie just ends there.

It's really uncomfortable to watch.

But somehow the next movie is even worse.

Ugh, god, ok.

Bolero is a movie by John Derek.

John Derek is—
(groan)

John Derek was an old Hollywood actor

who appeared in supporting roles in
several big movies in the 1940s and 50s.

In 1973 when Derek was 47 years old,

he traveled to Europe to direct
a low-budget movie called

"Once upon a Love" starring
a 16 year old girl named

"Mary Cathleen Collins".

During the production—
(retching)

I'm sorry.

During the production,
John Derek left his wife

and groomed Mary Collins
into a sexual relationship,

With the two staying in Europe
until she turned 18

so he could avoid
statutory (censor beep) charges.

When they got married a few years later,
she changed her name to Bo Derek

and proceeded to star in all of his movies
until he died in 1998.

(retching)
(vomit squelching)

I'm sorry.

So anyway, Bolero was a movie
about a young woman fresh from college

who travels to Morocco in Spain
to lose her virginity.

If that wasn't bad enough,

this movie features a full-frontal
nudity scene with a 14 year old girl.

Not an actress playing a 14 year old girl.

An actual 14 year old girl.

(retching, vomit squelching)
(coughing)

If you've never seen any
Rambo movies before

the image you probably associate
with the word "Rambo"

is the one where
hypermasculine Sylvester Stallone

is firing a machine gun
without a shirt on.

But see, that's actually from this movie,
"Rambo First Blood: Part II",

which has very little to do
with Part 1 at all.

The whole point of
the first Rambo movie is that

Rambo was a Vietnam War veteran
with severe PTSD

who snaps and kills a bunch of
small-time cops who treat him like shit.

This sequel, on the other hand

throws that tragic anti-war character
out the window

as the US government sends him
back to Vietnam

to locate prisoners of war

and Rambo is weirdly ok with that.

It's like he immediately got over his PTSD

and just got straight to blowing stuff up,
no problem.

This movie was
a massive box office success

and made double of what
the first movie made,

so naturally, Rambo III also ditched
the anti-war angle

and sent Rambo to Afghanistan.

I dunno if someone thought
the first movie was amazing,

it really sucks to see how quickly
they ruined this character.

But, like, I get it.

The people who went to see
these sequels in theaters

didn't watch it for the plot.

They watched to see
Sylvester Stallone do this.

(bow twang)
(explosion)

In the early 80s,
Prince was a rising star.

And his stardom was cemented in 1984

with the massive hit that was Purple Rain.

After the success of Purple Rain,

Warner Bros. told Prince he was allowed to
do whatever he wanted for his next project

greenlighting Under the Cherry Moon
without even reading the script

the story is, Prince plays a guy in
the French Rivier named Christopher

He and his friend try to
scam a girl out of her inheritance

but they both end up
falling in love with her.

A problem became apparent early on

when Prince hired someone with
no experience to write the script.

Then 16 days into filming,
the director quit.

And Prince took over even though he had
no experience directing a movie before.

The end result was a movie that features
what I can only describe as

Acting.

Don't try anything funny.
Not this time, Christopher.

I want the money or I throw
you both out onto the street.

(gasp)

That's right, [inaudible]

Throw me onto the street?

It's bizarre, it's one of
those movies where

the acting is so bad
it loops around to being funny

which has given it
a bit of a cult following over the years

that and the soundtrack is amazing

like with Purple Rain

Prince released an album with the movie
that went Platinum

and is today remembered as
one of his most iconic albums

After Under the Cherry Moon failed,
Prince tried one more time

to direct a feature-length movie

but that one got nominated
for a bunch of Razzies too

After that he gave up and
never tried to direct a movie again.

Also this here marks
the first ever tie in Razzies history

with Under the Cherry Moon tieing with

(laughing)

Howard the Duck.

(Evasive laughing)

Greetings, Evasive viewers,
it is I, young Junko, expert in Bird Law

and I'm here to defend
my client Howard T. Duck,

star of the Razzies' Worst Film of 1986,
Howard The Duck

For nearly the last 40 years
my client's reputation has been

tarnished and slandered against

by quack punch, chicken shit critics
for this tragic box office bomb.

Central character, the Duck, the one
that we're gonna be rooting for,

he's neither funny, or bit of funny."

But I'm here to clear the air.

Howard the Duck is not a movie,
no, it's a duckumentary.

I know this because I was there.

We all were.

My entire clan witnessed
my client crash land on Earth

to star in a motion picture
that of which has been

Um.

it's still awful. It's bad.
We're not winning this case, buddy.

I wasn't trying anything. Honest!

This is a strange movie to say the least.

Howard the Duck notoriously opens with 2 instances of

full frontal duck booba in the span of 30 seconds.

But the rest of the movie is this whiplash

between what's a squeaky clean full house type family movie

that no one older than the age of 3 years old would find funny

followed by things like Marty McFly's mom showing off her ass and

pulling off a condom for Howard's corkscrew.

Howard…

It's like anti-matter Shrek where they didn't know how to mix adult humor and a kids' flick properly yet

so it becomes this overly long bland comedy

with hardly any intentional laughs

that just happens to throw in something totally obscene every now and then

- [Howard] Oh!
- I just can't resist your

intense animal magnetism.

There's a lot of attempts at duck puns, most are just replacing a random phrase in a word with "duck"

"That's it. No more Mr. Nice Duck."

Even the director's name is Willard Hyuck.

That's a duck name.

That's a name you give a duck.

The first half of the movie has Howard pointlessly meandering

there's no funny interactions or
observations or memorable bits

it's just an aimless movie
with the guy in the duck suit.

You have an entire portion of the movie

where Howard has a job
as a towel boy in a sex club

it's fun for the whole family!

Yeah, Breeders, what the hell.

Bareback bestiality and pedophilia.

Oh yeah, we find Howard getting a [?]
as a result of a [?] incident.

Which also leads to Palpatine somehow returning from the dead and possessing the body of that one actor that's in every 80s movie who'd later be arrested for being a sex pervert.

What would you like to eat?

I no longer need human food.

[Junko] I need little boy butts.

You have a movie where
a talking duck fires a giant laser

at a hell portal to stop
a horde of alien warlords

from taking over the Earth

and they still manage
to make it a total snooze fest

They try to give Howard a bit of edge

but he still feels
too kiddy and sanitized

And part of that is his design.

He looks like a cross
of a Furby and MacCulkin.

There are some things I did like,

these alien overlords are cool

their design and stop motion
is really well done.

The sequence where
Howard gets shot into space

is pretty neat, pretty
impressive to look at.

I like this sequence where
Howard and [?] get a [?]

and start flying away from the cops

that was good.

Yeah, Tim Robins is in this

Imagine having what's considered
one of the best movies of all time

as part of your portfolio

and on the other end of the
spectrum, Howard the Duck,

now that's range

Genuinely I was taken aback
because some of the shots in this movie

undeniably go hard.

There's a version of this movie that
could've actually been good with less work

If they leaned into Howard being this
cynical, perverted wise-cracking duck

that's down on his luck,
who gets thrust into Earth

and finds this strange new realm

isn't so much different from his own.

Then it's all about the bills,
baby, put it on my belt

He could take it as an
opportunity for a fresh start,

slowly climbing up the corporate ladder

until becoming a national celebrity that gets caught up in 80s consumerism and greed

then maybe having begrudgingly involved in some of the weird sci-fi stuff like the comics, i dunno

I'm not sure how to defend my client, give him the chair.

(Howard screams)

(Evasive laughing)

Alright, I may not be able to defend Howard,

but know this: from this day forth, I will ensure every client of mine

is proven innocent.

Now for my next client, I will be defending one Bill Cosby.

Bill Co-Bill Cosby.

I'm good. Your Honor? I would draw. We're done here. We're done.

It's Leonard, part 6.

Ask anyone who's seen this movie they'll tell you

that's when they first knew lil' Bill was a real piece of shit

When I heard there was a comedy movie

that just started on part 6

I thought, hey, maybe this movie could be bad in a good way, at the very least

Nope, it's just bad, it's boring, it's so boring.

If there's one thing Cosby was always a master at

it's making people very sleepy.

The whole thing was supposed to be a spoof on the spy genre,

sorta like Naked Gun, except they actually came out a year before that movie

They really just had the cameras rolling and had Bill Cosby do whatever he wanted

There's a bunch of weird sex shit

I mean the clues are all there,

in the movie his wife divorced him because he slept with a 19 year old

and his daughter is dating a much older man to further her career as an actress

so then Leonard has to see her flash her tits on stage

for no reason, none of these scenes add anything to the movie

I think Cosby just wanted to look at some young girl tits

The whole film has this lethargic and slow energy to it

Everything from the dialogue to the editing,

it's like watching a movie at 0.5 speed.

The movie opens with Leonard and an assassin having a little shootout in a kitchen

The joke being that what they're doing is actually helping to prep some of the food

Ok, could be funny but the pace of it all is so bizarrely off by a step

Every gag and bit is like this, like they took something that was

maybe a 3 out of 10 joke at best and spread it so thin that

you ask yourself was there even a joke at all to begin with?

The plot follows Leonard being the best agent in the world

who's long been retired after being pulled back for one last mission

after a buncha animals under mind control start killing people

Yet again a god-awful 80s comedy starts of with an animal looking at a porno mag

Here's two fucking nickels

The entire first half is him just stumbling around tryna get back with his ex wife

who pours soup on him—what is this gag?

Is this a fetish, Mr. Cosby? You think this was genuinely funny?

[mocking] We'll have him pour soup.

Cosby doesn't have a single funny line or hook to his character

you can tell he's put zero effort into any of this

It's like he said "Yeah I'll do the movie but I don't wanna look too stupid,

don't make me look too stupid."

Most of these so-called jokes are what the most boring uptight person in the world would think being silly is.

[mocking] Oh, look, wow he's being a ballerina, so girly.

Oh, wow, he's doing a silly fitness tape, how can he subject himself to that.

Oh, wee, it's like he thinks these things are so beneath him

that just him doing it would be funny.

What a piece of shit.

You know what really makes me mad, though?

It's completely unfair. Because everyone seems to be trying, but him.

There's a part where Leonard tries to free all the animals from captivity,

and I just wanna recognize this bird right here.

Who in this 5 second shot, bends the bars of his cage with his beak and breaks free

God bless this bird.

This bird put more effort than Bill Cosby in his own movie.

This bird did not deserve to be in one of the worst movies of all time.

None of these animals did.

This ostrich didn't deserve to be betrayed with a sex criminal grinding his pudding pop on its back.

If audiences in 1987 hated this, watching it now,

with all the humor naturally diluted even further to the passage of time

is like drinking a 40 year old can of new coke

and when Bill's the one handing you the drink

it's safe to say you probably shouldn't drink it

(gurgling)

Cocktail is a movie where young Tom Cruise plays a bartender in Manhattan

then he movies to Jamaica and falls in love with a girl

but then he loses her and moves back to New York to win her back

and that's pretty much it.

What you see is what you get with this one.

It's a really mediocre movie.

Not that good, but not that bad either.

Well except for this scene where Tom Cruise stands on a bar

and reads his shitty poetry.

This is pretty cringey.

"I see America drinking the fabulous cocktails I make."

"America's getting stinking on something I stir or shake."

(laughing)

"I make drinks so sweet and snazz-ay iced tea the kamikaze,

(hollering)
the sex on the beach is Schnapps made from peach

the ball and hammer the Alabama slammer."

Unsurprisingly with Tom Cruise starring, this movie was a massive success,

earning a ridiculous 171 million dollars on a 20 million dollar budget.

It's also the movie the Beach Boys "Kokomo" song was written for.

Besides that, not much to talk about here.

I'm pretty sure it only won Worst Picture because this was the year Rain Man was favored to win Best Picture

and the voters probably thought it was funny to make both the Best and Worst Picture be Tom Cruise movies.

Ok before making this video, I haven't actually watched any Star Trek at all.

But because I'm committed to my craft, I went ahead and watched all 6 original movies

just so I can understand why this one is considered the worst.

After all that, I—yeah. I get it now.

It's not a horrible movie but especially compared to the previous ones in the series,

Star Trek V is pretty bad.

Pretty much everything went wrong behind the scenes.

William Shatner directed it with no prior directing experience

nobody could agree on anything during the writing process,

there was a writers' strike

then a Teamsters strike

They shot a lot of the movie in the Mojave Desert

which is just as miserable as it sounds.

And after the filming was done, they only had 3 months to make the special effects,

and all the best special effects technicians in Hollywood were busy making

Indiana Jones 3 and Ghostbusters II at the time.

Do I think this movie deserved Worst Picture?

No.

It does some wacky things like introduce Spock's long-lost brother that he never mentioned before

or show Kirk getting mauled by a cat woman.

But overall I really don't think it's that bad.

But to be honest, I'm not a Trekkie who had to see

Captain Kirk show up on the Enterprise in a "Go climb a rock t-shirt"

…So…I mean…is that bad?

I actually don't know.

Can someone in the comments tell me if that's bad, if that's out of character?

I actually don't know if I'm supposed to be mad at this or not.

The Adventures of Ford Fairlane was a "comedy" starring Andrew Dice Clay.

If you don't know who Andrew Dice Clay is, he was a comedian most active in the late 80s and early 90s

who was known as the Dice Man,

which was basically a cover for him to tell the most offensive jokes he possibly could.

"And they're always on parade."

"They march down the street with t-shirts and flags saying

'I want money for AIDS disease.' Beautiful.

I want money for a fucking car, I ain't marching up and down the street

Get a job, butt slammer."

[Evasive] The movie itself is about a detective, I guess,

I dunno, it's just not funny at all.

Honestly I was on my phone the whole time because I was just so bored.

- "I got something serious to discuss."

"Yeah, what is it, premature ejaculation?"
(laughing)

"Like that time we were at our parents' wedding anniversary,

and I told that joke, 'What's the definition of vagina?

The box that peanuts come in!'" (laugh)

Gilbert Godfrey plays the only funny character in the movie

but he dies like 25 minutes in and the rest is just a boring mess to follow.

The director Renny Harlin was also working on Die Hard 2 at the time

which ended up in theaters at the exact same time as Ford Fairlane

and when you look at the money comparison between the two movies

yeah, it's pretty obvious which movie he cared about more.

"Clint Eastwood. I fucked him. Oh!"

[Evasive] 1990 was another tie

with Ford Fairlane tieing with another movie from unapologetic (censor beep) phile John Derek.

In this one, Bo Derek plays a woman married to a much older man

and when the older man dies, his ghost takes up residence in her head

and goads her into murdering another man

so he can possess his body and have sex with her again.

It's a supernatural dirty old man movie

where John Derek fantasizes about living rent-free in Bo Derek's head after he dies.

Plus this ended up being his last movie.

It would be poetic if it wasn't so disgusting.

"Bo was very very young. Linda was very young…

I guess I just meet them young,

before they're wise enough to know I'm not the guy."

Anyway the acting was bad, the story was bad,

the visuals are bad,

but the real cherry on top here was this movie

was the first film appearance of Donald Trump.

No joke, Trump's first movie was made by a (censor beep) phile.

He even does a little duck face in it, look at him.

Poetic.

Just watch this clip.

"Woah!"

"Happy (inaudible)"

"Oh no! How's my driving? 1800-I'm gonna-(censor beep)-die!"

[Evasive] Bruce Willis plays a master burglar fresh out of prison who

was blackmailed into stealing some art

but it turns out it's all part of a conspiracy to build a secret machine

invented by Leonardo Da Vinci that can turn lead into gold.

At this point in his career, Bruce Willis was mainly known for Die Hard I and II.

And was looking to branch out a bit with Hudson Hawk.

But apparently he couldn't decide what he wanted the movie to be.

In an interview, one of the writers later said:

I started to know we were in trouble when Joel and Bruce would say during filming

You know what this is? This is a Pink Panther movie.

The next day they'd say

You know what this is? This is an American James Bond movie.

Then it would be: You know what this is? This is North by Northwest.

I even remember someone saying:

You know what this is? This is Casino Royale.

Eventually I realized that if every day they were saying it was something different

by the time we got to the editing room, we were gonna be in trouble.

So yeah, the final product is all over the place,

but the movie has developed a bit of a cult following over the years

just because it's so…so silly

- (screaming)
- Honey?

- Ball ball?
- Woof!

(dog screaming)

[Evasive] Here's another movie that's really not that bad.

It's a World War II movie where Melanie Griffith is a half Jewish woman

with no spy experience who signs herself up to be a spy in Berlin

because she wants to prove herself and save her Jewish cousins who are in hiding.

Michael Douglas plays another spy

and pre-Schindler's List Liam Neeson plays a Nazi officer.

Most of the complaints about the movie were aimed at how unbelievable Melanie Griffith is at being a spy

because she was really bad at her job.

Like "spilling soup on Liam Neeson and taking the German kids she's nannying

to the building her cousins are hiding in" kind of bad

But overall it's not that awful of a movie

because the plot holes and writing problems are balanced out by a good soundtrack and good cinematography

It's just average.

Not bad enough to be memorable but not good enough that you'd ever wanna watch it again.

Basically the cinematic equivalent of eating at Denny's.

I think 1992 was just a slow year for bad movies in general.

That same year they also nominated Newsies for Worst Picture

and Danny DeVito for Worst Supporting Actor

like…what? Why? How?

What?

Once again, this is a movie that's not that bad.

It's a drama where Woody Harrelson and Demi Moore

play a financially struggling married couple in Vegas

and Robert Redford is a filthy rich guy

who offers the couple 1 million dollars for a 1 night stand with Demi Moore.

Honestly, it's fine.

It takes itself very seriously and it's vaguely misogynistic at points.

Also it's completely unbelievable that a man who looks like Robert Redford

would pay a million dollars to sleep with someone.

But in the context of the movie it all works.

Definitely not the worst movie of the year that's for sure.

I mean you're telling me that Indecent Proposal won Worst Picture but Mr. Nanny wasn't even nominated?

Razzie voters were asleep at the wheel this year.

In this one Bruce Willis plays a psychologist who can't see the color red

who gets wrapped up in a murder after his colleague

gets killed Assassin's Creed-style and he suspects it was someone in his therapy group.

I'm so confused why it was even nominated for Worst Picture because this wasn't even a bad movie at all.

It's surreal and weird sure but it's in a Twin Peaks style of way that still makes it unsettling and fun to watch.

Definitely a 6.5 out of 10 movie for me.

Maybe a 7 out of 10 I dunno.

This is another one that became a cult hit after it was released on home video.

Partly because of this crazy sex scene in a pool that everybody wanted to see

It was even streaming on Criterion Channel at one point

which basically means that it's certified art.

That's all I have to say.

I dunno guys, some of these 90s movies aren't even bad enough to complain about.

There's a lot to be said about Showgirls.

First of all, Director Paul Verhoeven was the first to accept his Razzie award in person.

And that's kind of funny.

And I'm very happy because it was much more fun than reading the reviews in September. Thank you.

(clapping, cheering)

Second of all, Showgirls isn't bad.

It's actually a great movie, in my opinion, and a lot of people agree.

It is a wild movie about high budget Las Vegas strip shows

And obviously with subject matter like that

you're going to view the movie very differently

depending on your gender and sexuality.

But regardless of what kind of person you are

the experience of watching this movie is an absolute rollercoaster

"One. Two. Three."

"Thrust it. Thrust it. Thrust it."

"Come on, thrust it."

But for as over the top as this movie is
it's also pretty true to life.

During his research, writer Joe [Esterhazs] interviewed

over two hundred strippers in Las Vegas

and the result was a shockingly realistic depiction of the lives of high profile sex workers and performers

And a biting satire against show business in general.

Take a look at these tits.

What are these, watermelons?

This is a stage, babes, it's not a patch.

See ya.

Your ears are sticking out. They are.

Come back and see me when you get em fixed.

See ya.

Can you spell MGM backwards? I bet you can't.

- MGM.
- I'm impressed.

Come back when you fuck some of those baby fat off.

Now in today's era of gritty HBO dramas, none of this is that shocking

but in 1995 this was next level stuff.

Plus with the subject matter, this movie has a lot of nudity.

It was rated NC-17 in America

and to date it is the only NC-17 movie that was given a wide release in theaters.

It was so explicit and controversial that MGM had to hire security at every movie theater in America

just to make sure nobody under the age of 18 snuck into the theater.

The movie lost millions of dollars and to this day, no studio has ever dared to try and release an NC-17 movie in theaters again.

If this sounds interesting to you, I actually really recommend giving this movie a watch

because I can't really do it justice with just words alone.

Just know what you're getting into before you turn it on

because this movie is every bit as traumatic as it is glamorous

And actually to prove to you how much I like this movie, watch this.

Oh.

Oh.

I'm a showgirl.

I'm a showgirl, baby.

I'm a showgirl.

In the mid-90s, Demi Moore was one of the biggest film stars in the world.

And the world was dying to know, what do Demi Moore's boobs look like?

That's actually the only reason this movie exists.

They paid Demi Moore 12.5 million dollars

the most any woman had ever been paid for a movie role at the time

just so she would star in this movie and show her boobs to the camera.

This movie is like if Showgirls was actually bad.

Demi Moore plays an FBI agent who loses her daughter in a custody battle

and then becomes a stripper in Florida at a place called Eager Beaver

to pay for a court appeal.

She basically girlbosses being a stripper.

Not in a nuanced way like Showgirls though.

But in a stupid way that it takes itself seriously

and is mostly boring and not believable at all.

Despite the bad reviews, the movie ended up being such a huge success

and the director-writer-producer Andrew Bergman basically quit Hollywood after this movie

I'm pretty sure what happened is once he got Demi Moore to agree to go topless,

he basically just phoned it in for the rest of the movie

because clearly the audiences who were going to see this

weren't watching for the plot.

But what can I say?

That's showbiz, baby.

That's…that's showbiz, baby.

The Postman takes place in a distant future year of 2013

after much of humanity has been wiped out by a plague.

Kevin Costner, who also directed the movie,

stars as a traveling Shakespeare performer that's conscripted to Caesar's Legion

but he escapes and finds an old mail bag full of mail

and pretends to be a mailman so he can get food

and accidentally restarts the US postal service in the process

Also it's almost 3 hours long.

Honestly, as most of post apocalyptic adventures go, this one isn't that bad.

It's about the same level of quality as Waterworld, actually.

But the fact that it was a 3 hour long Kevin Costner vanity project,

released just a week after Titanic,

made it a very easy target for critics.

What is Kevin Costner even up to, these days, anyway?

(typing) Kevin Costner.

I mean, hey. Good luck Kevin.

If you aren't familiar, the name Alan Smithee is a fake name the Director's Guild came up with in 1968

that directors who wanted to take their name of a movie were required to use instead.

And this movie caused such a headache that the Directors' Guild had to officially stop allowing the use of the Alan Smithee name in movies.

Ok so this movie was written by Joe Eszterhas and was directed by Arthur Hiller.

It's a mockumentary about a guy whose name was actually Alan Smithee

that directs an action movie but he hates the finished product

so he steals the film reels and holds them ransom

because he wasn't allowed to take his name off it.

Now behind the scenes in real life,

Joe Eszterhas was in charge of cutting Burn Hollywood Burn

and when Arthur Hiller saw the final version

he hated it so much he had his name taken off the movie

But this of course created a confusion

because this was a movie about Alan Smithee

and the poster said it was directed by Alan Smithee

which you would assume was just a joke

but no, the director actually had his name taken off the movie.

It would take me so long to explain everything that's wrong with this movie

so let me just sum it up in four words.

Not funny.

Didn't laugh.

There's way too many characters,

the movie jumps all over the place

Harvey Weinstein is in it.

"Eew."

There's lots of not funny parts where the camera freeze frames

and there's a wall of text on screen.

I'm guessing what happened is they filmed all these scenes separately

and thought they were hilarious on set

but when they got to the editing room they realized they had nothing to work with

so Joe Eszterhas tried to salvage it by adding a bunch of text edit jokes

which actually made the movie worse.

I have no proof of this of course but it seems right to me.

I'd probably do the same thing in that situation.

Ok so this is a Western steampunk fusion movie

starring the Fresh Prince and the guy who plays Mr. Fischoeder in Bob's Burgers

as cowboy government agents who hunt down an evil ex-Confederate officer with no legs

who kidnaps President Ulysses S. Grant with a giant robot spider.

That's what this movie is.

(hooting)

This movie is ridiculous.

I don't know what the executives at Warner Bros. were snorting in the board room

when they decided to spend over a 170 million dollars

on a movie where cowboy Will Smith fights a huge mecha spider

but thank god they did because Will Smith turned down playing Neo in the Matrix to do this movie

And I'd like you to imagine what it would be like if Will Smith played Neo in the Matrix.

I probably would have messed the Matrix up.

I would've ruined it.

So I did y'all a favor.

This might not be a "good" movie

but oh my god it's so funny.

Plus the theme song is pretty fire.

If I may quote one of the great gangster rappers, William Will Smith,

(nonchalantly) wicki wild wild, wicki wicki wild

wicki wild, wicki wicki wild wild wild west.

wicki wild, wicki wicki wild wild west.

Do you find those lyrics inspiring?

I mean, I…

Battlefield Earth is an action sci-fi movie based on a novel written by Ron Hubbard, the founder of Scientology

which he wrote in 1982 when he was in hiding to avoid going to prison for his numerous crimes.

It's about a distant future world where humanity has been enslaved by aliens called "psychlos"

which are a very obvious metaphor for L. Ron Hubbard's vitriolic hate for psychiatrists.

John Travolta, who plays the evil alien leader called Turl

and has been a scientologist since 1975

is directly responsible for this movie existing.

The production company who took it on was later found to have defrauded investors out of 31 million dollars

by overreporting production costs

causing a lawsuit that forced the company to go bankrupt and shut down in 2007.

On top of that, the movie was a massive financial flop

not just because the movie and its John Travolta action figures

were an obvious Scientology recruitment tactic

but because the movie itself was a visual nightmare.

The special effects are ugly,

the costumes are disgusting,

and the whole movie was filmed in these crooked angles

that changed multiple times a scene.

which gave a bunch of people motion sickness.

It's a really infamously bad movie that's been covered by a bunch of other YouTube channels over the years

so if you want more information on it, go watch one of those videos.

Just don't watch the movie itself.

It'll do nothing but make you nauseous and waste two hours of your time.

I'm serious, don't do it.

I'm sorry, you guys, conflict of interest, I can't talk about Freddy Got Fingered.

One of my friends and I watched this movie like four times during quarantine

and we kinda bonded over it.

And now this movie has a special place in my heart.

"Aw."

So I made Nikki watch it instead.

Because she's never seen it before.

And here she is now.

Where the hell do I even begin with this movie.

Part of me thinks this movie is some kind of deep anti-comedy

meant to satirize the other gross out comedies

that were popular in the early 2000s

and the other part of me thinks that maybe it means nothing at all.

I mean any normal human being

would read a title called

Freddy Got Fingered

and run away in the opposite direction.

Because what the fuck is that supposed to mean?

But to put it simply, this movie is about a 28 year old man

"Stop it, stop it, Mom, I'm a 28 year old man."

"Hey, baby, he's a 28 year old man."

His name is Gord and he moves to LA to be a cheese worker.

And also to pursue his dream of being a professional animator.

Seems pretty simple, right? Seems pretty cut and dry?

But that's where you'd be wrong.

Because so very many things happen in this movie

that are beyond human explanation.

Just to name a few,

Tom Green jerks off a horse

he swings a baby around by its umbilical cord

Tom Green walks around in a deer carcass

And he goes scuba diving in his own toilet.

- Get out of that toilet!
- (bubbling, gurgling)

But at the risk of sounding clinically insane

and demented

there are moments in this movie that I find kind of relatable.

Like this scene where the CEO of an animation company tells Gord that he doesn't like his drawings.

- It sucks.

And so he immediately sticks a gun in his mouth and starts screaming.

- The characters are so lame, I'm a loser.

I wish I was dead.

- (screaming)
- Wait, wait.

What makes this even funnier is that once he receives validation,

he takes the gun out of his mouth and acts like none of that ever happened at all.

- Sir I can't work on this all day, I got a job at the cheese sandwich factory.

If you're mentally ill, and make art, this is the film for you.

- It's time I grow up and get a job instead of acting like a little baby all the time.

I can't think of anything to draw because I'm so stupid.

I'm so stupid.

- And this movie surprised me in so many different ways

For one, it made me laugh way more than I anticipated.

- Can't you see we're both just a couple of stupid idiots.

- Gord…
- (mocking) Gord! Gordie!

It was also weirdly based at times.

I say weirdly because the early 2000s was a derogatory fever dream.

It was like running thru the perfume department in SpongeBob

but the perfume was slurs.

Gord ends up asking out this nurse named Betty

and she says yes, but afterwards he finds out that she's in a wheelchair.

At first I was like, oh shit, it's about to get real ableist in here

Lel-lel-lel.

I was truly prepared for the worst.

But my expectations were subverted when Betty ended up

not only the smartest person in this whole movie

but her and Gord remain in a relationship for the rest of the film.

- I have a bag of jewels for you.
- Gord…

- They're jewels, Betty.

Another interesting thing to me is that

Betty constantly wants to give Gord a blow (dolphin sound) job.

Here me out dude!

She asks him this so many times in the movie,

that it comes off as very obviously satirical.

- Gord, I don't care about jewels, I just wanna suck your cock

My life's a little hectic lately,

I'm having trouble concentrating with all the skateboarding and

- you sucking my penis all the time
- (chuckling)

And again, my expectations are subverted by Gord repeatedly asking if they can just go out on a date.

- I just think if we went out on at least one date

and you didn't do any sucking right now

that would make the whole sucking to date ratio

far more balanced, you know?

- This could be a play on the trope of male protagonists in comedy especially

being obsessed with sex

And not only that but women being ultra sexualized in these movies.

Not all the subversion in this movie is good, though, necessarily.

If you were wondering how the movie got its title,

I shit you not, about 50 minutes into the film,

Gord frames his dad for "fingering" his brother.

- At least I don't touch Freddy.

He fingers him.

- His brother who is like 25 and doesn't even live with them.

- He's a molester!

He's a child molester!

- But CPS literally goes into his apartment and takes him to the molestation hospital.

Is this shocking?

Uh, yes.

I don't know if it's shocking compared to the other things that happen in this movie.

(screaming)

Is it in poor taste?

Uh…luhh…luhh…

Maybe.

But this whole framing of the fingering

is the canon event that leads to the finale of the film.

When Gord pranks his dad by

abducting him in the middle of the nightand taking him to Pakistan.

- You're fucking dead.

They could write books and novels and college theseses

about everything else that happen between then and the ending

but just know that this movie ends with Gord and his dad being covered in elephant c—(censor beep)

(elephant trumpeting)

Speaking of which, there's an elephant in this room!

The elephant is that I actually kinda like this movie.

Also the elephant is coming.

Is that so wrong?

And is it so wrong that maybe kinda

I might be attracted to Tom Green in this movie?

Is it ok that he might be the Pete Davidson of the 90s?

Shut up.

As far as career-ruining films go,

Tom Green took the failure of Freddy very very well.

He even showed up to accept his Golden Razzie.

He rolled out his own red carpet too.

- Well done you guys. Give him some space.

Thank you very much.

Celebrate your successes

and your failures.

[Evasive] A remake of an italian film from 1974

Swept Away is a movie where Madonna plays the dumbest

most unlikable rich woman in the world

who gets marooned on an island with an Italian sailor

who hates her and sexually assaults her.

3 minutes after that

there's a time skip and suddenly they're in love.

It's a nasty nasty nasty movie

and I don't even wanna talk about it.

It was so bad it caused Madonna to give up on acting entirely.

It's a disaster. Absolute agony to watch.

Especially when you consider the movie was directed by Madonna's then-husband Guy Ritchie.

Madonna later divorced Guy Ritchie in 2008

but in my opinion queen should've divorced Guy Ritchie on the spot

for even suggesting this movie.

[Madonna] Ugh. It was rough.

There's nothing glamorous about it, then you were really mean to me.

Mrs. Ritchie.

I just want to slap you on camera.

Why, Mrs. Ritchie?

For all those times you let Adriano slap me and never yelled cut.

[Ritchie] One more.

[Madonna] And all those times they threw octopuses on me.

And all those times you made me stay in the freezing cold ice water.

And all those times you made me run down the sand dunes.

And all those times you ate my food.

And you didn't pay me.

And you never said thank you.

(crying)

I'm not gonna lie, I was riding the high

of actually enjoying Freddy Got Fingered

when Gigli came in and literally snuffed the life out of me.

Gigli is a movie.

It's about a mobster named Gigli

played by Benjamin, Benny Boy, Affleck.

Much like this review on Letterboxd,

I too hope Gigli k—(dolphin noises) himself.

Because not only does he abduct a mentally challenged teenager,

and abuse him while holding him for ransom,

What if I smack you in the fucking head?

He's also just cringe.

Unforgivably so.

J.Lo. is also in this movie, unfortunately

and she plays this other mobster or mobsterette

who is supposed to help him take care of this mentally disabled kid

and she also just happens to be a lesbian.

It means I'm a lesbian.

Or should I say, the least convincing lesbian in film history.

No lesbians were consulted in the making of this movie.

Because what the fuck is this?

It's turkey time.

Huh?

Gobble gobble.

You may not be able to tell

because this is the weirdest way I've ever heard anyone describe it

but she's talking about eating (dolphin sound) ussy here.

I really don't know who told J.Lo.

or whoever wrote this script

that lesbians call that turkey time.

But whoever it was deserves to be taken out behind a barn and shot.

Of course Gigli doesn't respect her sexuality.

Your girlfriends, they're at a natural disadvantage.

They might try hard but they're not just backed up

by millions of years of genetic engineering.

He whines and complains throughout the whole movie about

Oh, it's not fair, she's a lesbian but I'm attracted to her.

And I wanna be with her.

You know why I'm fucking sad?

Because I've got this fucking

beautiful, sexy, gorgeous heartthrobba-rama

fucking smart, amazing, bombshell

17 on a fucking 10 scale girl

sleeping on the bed right next to me.

She's a stone cold d—(vine boom)—yke.

A fucking untouchable, unaffable

brick wall fucking d—(vine boom)—kossaurus rex.

(mocking) Eugh…eugh…

And after enough complaining, Ricki starts doing deeds with him.

It's not like this is realistic at all in anyway,

but in the hypothetical scenario

where for some reason a lesbian had sex with a guy

it would not be with this guy.

He's always like licking his teeth and shit.

But luckily there's not just lesbian cringe,

This ain't fucking lesbian talk circle time!

There's also plenty of heterosexual cringe.

God bless you penis.

And gay cringe.

I'm not gay!

Despite this movie literally being about mobsters,

nothing mobster-related really happens in this movie until the last 30 minutes

where for some reason Al Pacino is here.

You piece of shit!

I'm sure this is Al Pacino's favorite role of all time

right up there next to Jack and Jill.

Ok, come on, low bat it here pitcher, we got em.

Ho!

Ho!

But to give it to you straight,

the movie ends with Gigli leaving the mentally disabled kid

on a random beach with the cast of Baywatch.

And it's literally played out like it's supposed to be this inspirational thing.

Like a tearjerker or something.

(inspirational music)

Meanwhile, Gigli and Ricki ride off into the sunset

just as she's telling him that he should wear some makeup.

You know I bet you'd look awesome in some mascara.

Do not watch this movie.

You will get a UTI.

Or that other thing.

[Evasive] Ok first of all this movie is Catwoman in name only.

Despite being a DC comics movie,

the Catwoman of this movie has pretty much nothing to do with the Catwoman from Batman.

This character has a different name

lives in a different city

and gets her cat superpowers from a magic cat burping in her mouth.

It's just so stupid, it's actually really fun to watch.

Especially the CGI Halle Berry during the action scenes

it's so funny.

As you might expect this movie bombed hard

probably because they put it out around the same time as Spiderman 2.

(laughing)

(laughing)

It's a pretty infamous superhero movie now

and the director Pitof was basically laughed out of Hollywood

and never directed a movie again.

But Halle Berry embraced this movie was a flop

and she even showed up in person to accept her Razzie award.

First of all I wanna thank Warner Bros.

(crowd laughing)

Thank you for putting me in a piece of shit god-awful movie.

(crowd laughing, cheering)

(Berry cheering)

Dirty love is a…

"comedy",

created by Melissa McCarthy's cousin,

notorious anti-vaxxer and Masked Singer judge, Jennifer McCarthy.

She stars as a woman who gets dumped by her boyfriend and her life falls apart.

It's really unhinged but not in a funny kind of way.

More in a "I'm born uncomfortable and I wanna leave the room," kind of way.

I actually had a hard time finding clips of this movie online

because it's pretty obscure and nobody likes it.

It's mostly badly delivered jokes and gross out humor

with a feminine spin.

And by feminine spin

I, of course, mean period jokes

Like this scene where a bleeding Jenny McCarthy

goes to a grocery store in white skirt and no underwear

and almost bleeds out on the floor.

You know, relatable comedy for women.

Just girly things.

Hashtag just girly things.

Just girly things.

It's a girly thing so you wouldn't understand, boys.

It's a girly thing.

Hashtag just girly things.

It's a girly thing, it's a girly thing.

(sing-song) Hashtag just girly things.

So this a sequel to Basic Instinct

an erotic murder mystery thriller from the early 90s

that's maybe best remembered today for this scene

where Newman from Seinfeld sees Sharon Stone's

bare, uncensored (censor beep)-ssy in an interrogation room.

The original was nominated for a few Razzies in its day

but it was a massive box office hit

and is today remembered as a pretty solid neo-noir thriller.

Now, Basic Instinct 2 on the other hand only exists

because Sharon Stone was promised 14 million dollars to star in the movie.

When the producers tried to cancel it,

she sued them to force them to make it.

Don't take it so hard.

Even Oedipus didn't see his mother coming.

[Evasive] It's kind of hard to talk about this movie without spoiling a bit of the original.

But I will say that overall I didn't hate this movie.

But I also barely remember anything about the plot

and I only saw it a couple of months ago.

It rehashes a lot of the same story beats and plot points as the original,

just not as good.

Would I call it a terrible movie?

No, not really.

But compared to the original,

it's pretty bland and forgettable.

But that's what happens when your only reason for making a movie

is to avoid a massive lawsuit.

Gotta love showbiz, baby.

I Know Who Killed Me is a horror movie starring Lindsay Lohan

as a girl who is killed by a serial killer

but survives and wakes up in the hospital saying she's someone else.

This movie was released in July 27, 2007

right at the peak of the tabloid frenzy about Lindsay Lohan

and her struggles with alcohol and drug addiction

there was a lot of attention on the movie while it was filming.

Especially because Lohan checked into rehab the first time

a month into the production.

The film set was swarmed with so much paparazzi

that some of them even showed up in the background of a few shots in the movie.

Then a couple months after filming wrapped,

Lohan was arrested for drunk driving.

Then on July 24th, just three days before the movie was released,

Lohan was arrested for drunk driving again

and couldn't even attend the premiere.

All of this negative media attention made Lindsay Lohan enemy number one in Hollywood.

Critics eviscerated this movie.

But in a year since its release,

this film has kind of become a cult classic among horror movie fans.

It's been screened in theaters many times over the last decade.

I've seen a lot of people online compare it to giallo movies,

an Italian film genre popular in the 60s and 70s

that mixed elements of murder movies, slashers, and erotica.

The influence of giallo is definitely present here.

It's a stylish weird thriller

and Lohan's background made her kind of perfect for the role

as the main character quickly transforms from a sweet high school girl

into a deeply traumatized young woman with a robotic hand.

It's definitely not for everyone, myself included,

but if you're into weird gory horror movies,

there's a lot to vibe with here.

It's a much better movie than Norbit, that's for sure.

Have you ever seen Norbit?

Ooh! Ah! Bitches!

(screaming)

(screaming)

The Love Guru is a movie

written by, directed by, and starring Mike Meyers

that's mostly remembered as the movie

that completely tanked his career

and caused him to step away from Hollywood for 8 years.

Critics and audiences both hated it.

With critics calling it

lazy, immature, mindless, pitiable, insulting, painful, gross, contemptuous, racist, and unlikable,

among many other things.

But don't take their word for it.

Take my word for it.

I don't have any other words for it,

that pretty much sums it up.

Here's a scene they use in the trailer.

Woah! How did you get there?

(groans)

This little guy scared the crap out of me.

Think I might have to do a panty check,

I might have some monkey mustard back there.

Who is this prick?

Shh.

Man, how do you do? Shrimp?

What did you call me, jagomoe?

I'm sorry I didn't catch your gnome—name!

You are a midget.

[Evasive] The plot of this movie is Mike Myers

plays a self-help guru named Maurice Pitka

who was raised in India

wears a chastity belt

and dreams of being on Oprah.

He's hired by the Toronto Maple Leaves

to help their star player get back together with his wife

because he is the Love Guru

and only he can save their marriage.

It's basically a one note movie

that feels like it was written by a 10 year old boy.

Every seen goes on for way too long,

Mike Myers keeps laughing at his own jokes

and pretty much every line is about

poop, pee, farts, balls, or dicks,

with many of the characters' names being dick jokes.

We got Tugginmypudha,

coach Cherkov,

Le Coq,

Dick Pants,

(Evasive laughing)

It's not funny that John Oliver is named Dick Pants.

(laughing)

[Evasive] It's not… (laughing)

[Evasive] Ok, I'll be the first to say that

I don't think any of the Transformers movies are particularly good.

That being said,

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is definitely the worst one,

if only for how offensive and annoying it is.

Pretty much every Transformer introduced in this movie

either talks with a racist accent,

or the most annoying cartoon voice imaginable.

And when it isn't being annoying or racist,

it's doing shit like this.

Name's Wheelie. Hah…hah…

Say my name, say my name. Hah…hah…

What are you allowing
to happen to your foot just now?

At least he's faithful, Sam.

Yeah, well, he's faithful,
and he's nude and he's perverted.

Hah…hah…hah…

(sighs)

Like is it any wonder Megan Fox quit the series after this?

Sadly this movie ended up making 836 million dollars

which was about a hundred million more dollars than Up made that same year.

This thing's gonna give me a heart attack, I swear.

- That's 'cause you was a wuss.
- You did force me into that car, right?

Oh I think he scared.

Hey Mudflap. What we gonna do with this shrimp taco?

Lemme just pop a cap in his ass, throw him in the truck,

and then nobody gonna know nothing, y'know what I mean?

- No one's gonna pop any caps in any asses. Ok?

- I've had a hell of a day.

Why don't you get a haircut with your bitch ass?

What can I even say about this movie

that hasn't been said a thousand times already?

This live action trashfire directed by M. Night Shyamalan

attempted to condense the first season of an amazing animated TV show

into a 90 minute CGI-filled mess.

Maybe if you watch this,

having never seen the original series,

it's just another lame Hollywood fantasy action movie.

But for fans of the series, this was offensively bad.

The creators of the show were not allowed to give any input on the movie's development.

Beloved characters were made one-dimensional and pointless,

major plot points were skipped over,

characters' names are pronounced wrong.

How do you even screw that up?

This movie made a lot of money

but was so hated by audiences

that Paramount must have known that they couldn't fool people twice

and cancelled plans to adapt the other 2 seasons,

effectively sinking the career of the kid who played Aang before it even began.

It's just sad.

The whole movie is a sad waste of source material.

You'd probably have a better time playing the official Wii game

than watching this movie.

(vaguely Asian music)
(wheels skidding)

[Evasive] Ok, maybe not.

(dramatic, haunting piano)

Alright, Razzies, respectfully,

what the fuck?

I wouldn't call myself a Twilight fan,

I never read the books and I didn't watch the movies until recently,

but even I know that the last movie in the Twilight series

isn't that bad a movie.

It's ridiculous, sure, but out of all the movies in this series,

it's definitely the most interesting and most exciting entry aside from the first one.

Obviously they gave it Worst Picture as a sort of dig at the entire series,

since none of the others had won Worst Picture before,

but come on.

Breaking Dawn Part 2 is fun.

It's got a big fight scene on a frozen lake,

it's got a girl named Renesmee,

it concludes one of the most iconic and most stupid blockbuster series of all time.

It's so entertaining and over the top

that even if you hate Twilight and everything about it,

you can't tell me that this movie is worse than the Adam Sandler movie

where he shows a 13 year old impregnating his teacher.

You can't tell me that.

Because you'd be wrong.

Let me start this one off by

showing you the list of people that were involved in this movie.

And that's not even all of them.

Movie 43 is a compilation of raunchy comedy sketches

each directed by different people.

Made on an impossibly cheap budget of 6 million dollars,

this thing took 3 whole years to film

because the producers worked around actors' schedules

to maximize how many famous people could show up on this.

The sketches themselves are a relentless onslaught of dirty shock humor.

There's one where Hugh Jackman has balls on his face.

There's one where Chloe Grace Moretz spills period blood on the wall.

There's one where a horny cat pisses on Elizabeth Banks.

There's one where Kieran Culkin wants to leave a hickey on Emma Stone's vagina.

My personal favorite was the one where Anna Faris asks Chris Pratt

to poop on her during sex.

- So he takes some—
- Poop Viagra.

And then gets hit by car.

I love you, I wanna marry you.

Oh my god. Doug, no!

If you're feeling sadistic,

throw this on, on your next bad movie night with friends.

It's got a little something for everyone.

I don't even know what the hell Movie 43 means.

But I'm in Movie 43, maybe I'm in Movie 44.

I don't know.

So if you're unfamiliar, Kirk Cameron was a child actor in the 80s

who took a hard right turn into Evangelical Christianity

and has since appeared almost exclusively

in low-budget Christian movies and radio programs.

Today, he's mostly known for his inflammatory publicity stunts

Like in 2020, when he organized maskless Christmas carols in LA

to protest COVID restrictions,

which he called "communism disguised as public health".

You know the type.

He's a nutcase,

and his movie had been dunked a hundred times before by YouTubers already

because for a while, this was the lowest-rated movie on IMDB,

with an average rating of 1.3 out of 10.

Which he claimed was the result of an atheist conspiracy on Reddit.

The whole movie takes place in one house

and almost every scene is him using weird circular reasoning

to explain how non-Christian Christmas traditions

had actually been Christian all along.

Like how Christmas trees were God's idea

because God created trees.

Or how the holiday isn't actually materialistic

because the ability to buy gifts

is God's gift to humanity.

It's just boring.

It's just a boring movie where nothing happens

and everyone is just sitting or standing around

not doing anything.

The only remotely entertaining part of the whole movie

is when all the extras have an epic dance party at the end.

♫ (Angels we have heard on high, trap remix style) ♫

Fant-four-stic is a classic case of too many people having their hands in the same movie.

The writers disagreed on everything.

The director Josh Trank slept with a loaded gun on him

because he got death threats for casting Michael B. Jordan.

Fox executives had whole scenes cut out

and other scenes reshot without Trank's approval

because they thought his version was too dark.

Trank also put out a tweet before the movie came out

basically disowning it.

The end result of all of this

was an ugly, boring mess of a movie

where there's no real stakes or tension anywhere.

They don't even have them become superheroes

until halfway thru the movie

and most of the time they're just standing around

talking and not doing anything.

You can see the remnants of a decent movie in here

like in this scene where Miles Teller wakes up on a hospital bed looking like Lanky Kong.

But we'll never know what the movie was supposed to be

because nobody cares.

There's no one out there saying

hashtag release the trank cut.

I want them to go see just a really great movie.

Something that is different from…uh…

Dr. Doom is one of the top 5 greatest characters

that ever come off a comic book—panel.

Science is really cool and this is something that…hopefully…

So 2015 was another tie

with Fifty Shades of Grey also being awarded Worst Picture.

This is another movie where I"m like,

what can I possibly say about this that hasn't been said already?

It's based on an erotic novel that started out as a Twilight Fanfiction,

the stars have no chemistry

and nothing about their relationship is believable.

The movie spawned that Love Me Like You Do song

that's haunted retail workers for almost a decade now.

It's just a bad movie.

It's boring and bad and it made over 500 million dollars

so rather than repeat the same things that a 100 other YouTubers have said

I'll just leave you with a little mental image.

See, this movie came out on Valentine's Day 2015.

I want you to visualize Kayllynn and Greg

from Sugar Land, Texas

who went to see this at the local AMC on Valentine's Day.

I want you to visualize Kayllynn giving Greg a dry handjob

at the back of the theater, 40 minutes into the movie.

I want you to visualize them going to Applebees after

and eating a slightly burned chicken breast

and some unseasoned broccoli.

I want you to visualize—

If you don't know already,

Dinesh D'Souza is a far-right political commentator

who's been releasing propaganda films every year since 2012.

He also pleaded guilty to campaign finance fraud in 2014

and was sentenced to 5 years probation.

During which, he made Hillary's America: The Secret History of the Democratic Party.

Released in the summer of 2016,

Hillary's America is a movie that claims it's a documentary

but aside from a few news clips and some scripted-sounding interviews,

much of the movie is either historical reenactments

or D'Souza talking to terrible actors

and trying to pass it off as documentary footage.

The movie opens with D'Souza being sentenced for fraud

which he claims was a Democratic conspiracy to shut him up

and from there he goes to prison

and starts interviewing other prisoners about how gangs work

You know, gangs are
all about stealing, man.

What's the biggest gang?

Right in your face.

Politicians, man.

- How does a gang make money?
- Any way they can, you know?

Trafficking, smuggling,
stealing, extortion,

Yeah, but how do they pull it off?

Later on, he visits the Democratic National Headquarters

and it's all done up to look like a high-tech museum

for the glory of the Democratic Party.

Then he sneaks into the restricted part of the building

and breaks into the secret archives

to reveal the secret information

that is literally in the curriculum of 8th Grade US History.

Like, "Hey guys, did you know that most of the slaveowners in the Civil War were Democrats?

Wow, isn't that crazy? How come no one's talking about this?"

The sad truth is this movie sold 13 million dollars worth of tickets when it came out.

Which means that hundreds of thousands of very gullible Americans saw this in theaters.

And many probably dragged their impressionable kids to see it with them

when all those kids wanted to do was play the new Pokémon Go game that just came out.

It's depressing to think about.

2016 was a very dark time.

But I try to figure out how we get them to have Pokémon Go do the polls.

Hey guys, I'm sorry, I can't talk about the Emoji Movie.

You see, on a hot summer day in 2017, I actually saw The Emoji Movie in theaters

in a room full of screaming, sugared up children.

And if you think this movie looks bad enough on its own,

try watching it completely sober

while a 7 year old kicks the back of your chair the whole time.

I just can't relive the trauma of that day again.

So I pass this one off to the trash guy.

Young Junko. He was the best lawyer who ever lived.

But decidingly the hammer of justice made him his walnut.

And under the pressure, he cracked.

By his side, he had only left this note.

Sad face, cry face, trash can, water gun, squirt, sad face.

Watch the Emoji Movie in theaters for more info.

Emoji Movie is like the cinematic equivalent

of seeing an ad for Cricket Wireless on the side of the bus.

It's the same artistic merit.

It's hard not to look at this movie without

thinking of the evolution of 3D animation as a craft

in the last four years, the way the medium improved over time,

not just in fidelity, but the heartfelt boundary-pushing storytelling

that made animated characters come across as more tangible.

And exploring the worlds they inhabited in a surreal way,

and all that led to this, a movie about emojis.

On a kid's cell phone.

It's so impersonal, it's not like Toy Story,

where Andy and the Toys have a clear relationship.

In Emoji Land, you get scanned whenever the kid picks you for the text message.

Like why is this kid only texting in emojis?

He's like a little man slut.

The whole plot being, he wants to text a girl in his class,

and that's it. He has no connection to any of these main central characters,

they're just a button on his phone.

It's so pointless.

The world's not interesting at all.

The main character, Gene, is supposed to be the Meh emoji,

but he's malfunctioning, so he goes on a quest with Hand Emoji

and Jailbreak, an elite emo hacker girl emoji with blue hair

who can access the cloud and see all the Rule 34 of herself

made over the years.

- Oh!
- [Hand] Suck it in!

No, stop it!

[Junko] It's a movie made specifically for

loud drunk parents circa 2017 to take their iPad kids to

so they can run around the theater and pick their ass

while they shove a bunch of ads up their eyeballs

You've got whole scenes explaining Candy Crush,

Just Dance, and Spotify.

It's as shameless and corporate as an animated movie could possibly be.

I'm sure some belligerently wasted parent in the theater

howled with laughter as James Corden, Hand Emoji, said "Bye Felicia."

- Bye Felicia!

[Junko] I wouldn't know though, because the first time I saw Emoji Movie

was at 2 AM on a hacked Amazon Fire Stick

plugged into my friend's portable CRT.

That's just about the viewing experience this movie deserves.

[Evasive] But hey, for as much as a soulless cash grab that the Emoji Movie was,

there is one good thing about it.

And that's that it is inadvertently responsible

for causing Jordan Peele to make Get Out.

Holmes & Watson was the much anticipated reunion

between John C. Reilly and Will Ferrell

a duo that starred in a couple of smash hit comedies in the mid-2000s.

So when this movie released to atrocious reviews,

it left some people scratching their heads wondering

how two guys who worked so well together before,

could fuck up a movie this bad.

And trust me, no matter what your sense of humor is,

this movie is bad.

It's not funny, at all,

not even a little bit.

It's just boring and hard to watch.

Right, I know. He's an onanist.

Yes.

- What's an onanist?

He pours his own tea.

He likes to create his own sauce.

He is a saucier.

And the name of his restaurant is Crotch Kitchen.

On a daily basis, he creams his own eclair.

[Evasive] The plot is impossible to follow,

the jokes fall flat on its face,

and some of the jokes were already dated

by the time this movie came out.

Compared to Tallaadega Nights and Stepbrothers,

everything about their delivery here just feels off.

And the blame probably rests on writer-director Etan Cohen.

Not to be confused with Ethan Coen.

Etan Cohen is a writer who built a pretty decent resumé

in the 90s and the 2000s

and decided to branch out into directing

with Get Hard in 2015.

Holmes & Watson was his second attempt at directing

and possibly his last

because the movie just barely didn't break even.

And since its release, Cohen seems to turn exclusively to writing.

My theory is, the man didn't know how to direct Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly.

He just got them together and assumed it'd be enough to carry the movie.

Because the whole thing feels like he just dressed them up in Victorian Era clothes and said

"Just do whatever you want. We'll edit it down to just the funny parts."

And then surprise.

None of it was funny.

[Holmes] You know what I've found,

to take the most attractive photographs,

you need to purse your lips together like a duck-billed platypus.

[Watson] Platypus face!

Chins up!

Hey!

Hey, girl!

Cats is a hilarious movie.

It is so funny for all the wrong reasons.

I saw this in theaters when it came out

after a couple of very powerful weed gummies

and it is an experience I will remember for the rest of my life.

It's unlike any other movie ever made.

It really is.

♫ Wuddly-wah, wuddly-wah ♫

It's dinner and a show.

♫ Wuddly-wah, wuddly-wah ♫

♫ A-dooba-dooba-doo ♫

♫ Tak-pity-pak-pity-pak ♫

Released at the tail end of 2019,

Cats was an act of pure hubris from director Tom Hooper,

who was well known in Hollywood at this point for directing

the King's Speech, Les Misérables, and The Danish Girl.

Well I guess Tommy Boy got pretty full of himself after all those award-winners,

because for his next project, he proceeded to blow a hundred million dollars

on a film adaptation of Cats: The Musical.

Behind the scenes, Hooper rushed the movie out the door

so it could release in time for Christmas.

And in the process, treated the animators like complete shit.

Anonymous sources later reported that Hooper knew nothing about animation,

made them work 90-hour weeks for months,

and was horrible, disrespectful, demeaning, and condescending

toward everyone.

One source said that Hooper talked to the animators

like they were garbage

and even compared their time working on cats to slavery.

It's been a few years now since Cats released,

and Tom Hooper hasn't been heard from since.

So I think it's safe to say that those allegations were completely true

and he won't be making a comeback any time soon.

At this point, I'd like to play you a song from the movie

but YouTube would probably demonetize me if I did that.

So instead I'm gonna play you a public service announcement from the 80s.

Accident? An accident?

There was a child in the car.

A child?

Cats have 9 lives, children only one,

help them live their life, buckle them into a car seat,

no one wants a child to become a memory.

♫ Memory, all alone in the moonlight. ♫

So Absolute Proof is not a movie.

For the first time in Razzie history,

the Razzies gave Worst Picture

to something that was not a movie.

This is a 2-hour long special

that aired on One America News in February 2021

where Mike Lindell, the MyPillow guy,

bought airtime to prove that the 2020 election was hacked by China,

using statistics that were proven to be fake,

and interviewing experts that don't have any real credentials.

This special was also uploaded on YouTube,

but was quickly taken down for spreading false information.

I was hoping it would at least be unintentionally funny,

but it's just really boring to watch.

- It's mostly the MyPillow guy saying
- Woah.

talking about voting data that was given to him by a fraudster.

At one point, he brings out a guy who claims he invented e-mail.

You know, from creating e-mail and all these systems.

I know the power of machines.

Yeah, he created e-mails. The creator of e-mails.

I don't know, I don't have anything to say about this one.

It's not a movie.

So this is also not a movie.

Diana The Musical is a Broadway show

that was planned to open on March 31st, 2020.

Obviously, that didn't pan out, but in summer of 2020

they were able to get the cast together to make a recording of the show.

With heavy COVID restrictions and with no audience, of course.

Then, for some bizarre reason,

they decided to release that recording
on Netflix on October 2021

a whole month before the show reopened on Broadway.

Obviously, this was the dumbest possible thing they could've ever done

because why would anyone who wasn't a hardcore House Windsor stan

pay over a hundred dollars for a Broadway ticket to this cringefest

when they could just watch the cringefest for free at home.

This show was a complete flop,

performing to a half-full theater every night for a month,

until the producer put the show out of its misery

and cancelled it on December 19.

Even if it hadn't been dumped on Netflix before it opened,

it still would've probably flopped

because it's every bit as tone deaf as the title suggests.

The lyrics sound like a 14 year old girl saw Hamilton and Newsies a few times

and was like, "Oh my gosh, I could do that too!"

except it wasn't written by a 14 year old girl,

it was written by a Tony Award-winning playwright in his 50s.

Here is just a sample of some of the lyrics this show throws at you.

♫ Alright, I'm no intellect. ♫

♫ But maybe there's a discotheque ♫

♫ where the prince could hear some Prince ♫

♫ and we'd all get funkadelic ♫

♫ You thought I was a ninny, ♫

♫ you could mold me as you like. ♫

♫ Well the skinny on that ninny ♫

♫ is she's really rather bright. ♫

♫ I just got a ticket to the main event ♫

♫ It's the Thrilla in Manila but with Diana and Camilla ♫

Directed by eccentric auteur Andrew Dominik,

Blonde is the most recent Worst Picture as the time I made this video

and probably the most controversial winner since Showgirls.

It's a nearly 3 hour long, NC-17 rated movie

about the life of Marilyn Monroe

that takes extreme liberties with her life story

as it's actually based on a historical fiction novel

by Joyce Carol Oates.

The reviews of this thing were all over the place.

When it premiered at the Venice Film Festival,

it received a 14-minute long standing ovation

and early critic reviews were extremely positive.

Then it released on Netflix a few weeks later

and the drama started.

On the positive end, the movie got praised for its stunning cinematography

and for Anna De Armas' performance as Monroe.

On the negative end, the movie was criticized for being

exploitative, sexist, and dehumanizing,

and for brutally depicting Marilyn Monroe

as a helpless girl relentlessly abused by the Hollywood system

when her real life story was much more complicated than that.

And it certainly doesn't help that

Andrew Dominik doubled down on it, after the film's release,

saying, "Criticism only hurts if you agree with it,

and I didn't agree with any of it.

She's dead, the movie doesn't make any difference to her one way or another.

What they mean is that the film exploited their memory of her, the image of her,

which is fair enough. It does. That's the whole point of the movie.

That's the whole problem with Marilyn Monroe.

Everybody feels like they know her and what's best for her."

I don't know about you guys,

I could speak on this movie more,

but I don't want to.

This is the last movie on this list

and I'm tapping out.

I don't wanna see any of you in the comments saying,

"Oh, Eva tapping out.

Eva not giving her real opinion.

You're being evasive.

You can't do that."

Thank god this is over.

My eyeballs and my brain are absolutely fried right now.

I don't have a single thought left in my head.

But let me go ahead and summarize my thoughts

by sorting all these movies into 4 categories.

These categories are

Boring Bad, Funny Bad, Not That Bad,

and Crimes against Humanity.

And there we go.

I am Evasive,

thank you for my Patreon supporters,

thank you to all of you for watching,

and thank you so much to my guests

for contributing to this video.

And hey, Razzie people, if you're watching,

Hi.

Invite me to the show sometime, maybe.

Honestly I think you guys are a little cringey

and you've made some very questionable decisions in the past

but like…I don't care.

In the meantime, we're going to do

literally anything else besides watching movies.

You know what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna look at some clouds.

Ooh, and touch grass.

Oh I can't remember the last time I touched grass.

I'm gonna go outside, look at some clouds,

and touch grass.

Ok, bye guys.