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Hello.
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I'd like to introduce you to someone.
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This is Jomny.
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That's "Jonny" but spelled
accidentally with an "m,"
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in case you were wondering,
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because we're not all perfect.
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Jomny is an alien
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who has been sent to earth
with a mission to study humans.
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Jomny is feeling lost and alone
and far from home,
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and I think we've all felt this way.
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Or, at least I have.
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I wrote this story about this alien
at a moment in my life
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when I was feeling particularly alien.
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I had just moved to Cambridge
and started my doctoral program at MIT,
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and I was feeling intimidated and isolated
and very much like I didn't belong.
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But I had a lifeline of sorts.
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See, I was writing jokes
for years and years
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and sharing them on social media,
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and I found that I was turning
to doing this more and more.
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Now, for many people,
the internet can feel like a lonely place.
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It can feel like this,
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a big, endless, expansive void
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where you can constantly call out to it
but no one's ever listening.
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But I actually found a comfort
in speaking out to the void.
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I found, in sharing
my feelings with the void,
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eventually the void started to speak back.
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And it turns out that the void
isn't this endless lonely expanse at all,
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but instead it's full of
all sorts of other people,
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also staring out into it
and also wanting to be heard.
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Now, there have been many bad things
that have come from social media.
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I'm not trying to dispute that at all.
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To be online at any given point
is to feel so much sadness
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and anger and violence.
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It can feel like the end of the world.
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Yet, at the same time, I'm conflicted
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because I can't deny the fact
that so many of my closest friends
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are people that I had met
originally online.
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And I think that's partly because
there's this confessional nature
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to social media.
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It can feel like you are writing
in this personal, intimate diary
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that's completely private,
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yet at the same time you want
everyone in the world to read it.
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And I think part of that, the joy of that
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is that we get to experience things
from perspectives from people
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who are completely
different from ourselves,
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and sometimes that's a nice thing.
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For example, when I first joined Twitter,
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I found that so many of the people
that I was following
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were talking about mental health
and going to therapy
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in ways that had none of the stigma
that they often do
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when we talk about these issues in person.
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Through them, the conversation
around mental health was normalized,
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and they helped me realize
that going to therapy was something
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that would help me as well.
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Now, for many people,
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it sounds like a scary idea
to be talking about all these topics
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so publicly and so openly on the internet.
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I feel like a lot of people
think that it is a big, scary thing
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to be online if you're not
already perfectly and fully formed.
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But I think the internet can be
actually a great place to not know,
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and I think we can
treat that with excitement,
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because to me there's something
important about sharing your imperfections
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and your insecurities
and your vulnerabilities
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with other people.
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(Laughter)
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Now, when someone shares
that they feel sad or afraid
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or alone, for example,
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it actually makes me feel less alone,
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not by getting rid of any of my loneliness
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but by showing me that I am not alone
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in feeling lonely.
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And as a writer and as an artist,
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I care very much about making
this comfort of being vulnerable
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a communal thing, something that we
can share with each other.
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I'm excited about
externalizing the internal,
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about taking those invisible personal
feelings that I don't have words for,
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holding them to the light,
putting words to them,
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and then sharing them with other people
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in the hopes that it might help them
find words to find their feelings as well.
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Now, I know that sounds like a big thing,
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but ultimately I'm interested
in putting all these things
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into small, approachable packages,
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because when we can hide them
into these smaller pieces,
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I think they are easier to approach,
I think they're more fun.
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I think they can more easily help us
see our shared humanness.
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Sometimes that takes the form
of a short story,
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sometimes that takes the form of
a cute book of illustrations, for example.
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And sometimes that takes the form
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of a silly joke
that I'll throw on the internet.
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For example, a few months ago,
I posted this app idea
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for a dog-walking service
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where a dog shows up at your door
and you have to get out of the house
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and go for a walk.
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(Laughter)
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If there are app developers
in the audience,
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please find me after the talk.
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Or, I like to share every time
I feel anxious about sending an email.
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When I sign my emails "Best,"
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it's short for "I am trying my best,"
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which is short for "Please don't hate me,
I promise I'm trying my best!"
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Or my answer to the classic icebreaker,
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if I could have dinner with anyone,
dead or alive, I would.
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I am very lonely.
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(Laughter)
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And I find that when
I post things like these online,
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the reaction is very similar.
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People come together to share a laugh,
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to share in that feeling,
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and then to disburse just as quickly.
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(Laughter)
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Yes, leaving me once again alone.
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But I think sometimes these
little gatherings can be quite meaningful.
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For example, when I graduated
from architecture school
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and I moved to Cambridge,
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I posted this question:
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How many people in your life
have you already had
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your last conversation with?
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And I was thinking about
my own friends who had moved away
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to different cities
and different countries, even,
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and how hard it would be
for me to keep in touch with them.
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But other people started replying
and sharing their own experiences.
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Somebody talked about a family member
they had a falling out with.
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Someone talked about a loved one
who had passed away
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quickly and unexpectedly.
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Someone else talked
about their friends from school
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who had moved away as well.
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But then something really nice
started happening.
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Instead of just replying to me,
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people started replying to each other,
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and they started to talk to each other
and share their own experiences
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and comfort each other
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and encourage each other
to reach out to that friend
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that they hadn't spoken to in a while
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or that family member
that they had a falling out with.
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And eventually, we got
this little tiny microcommunity.
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It felt like this support group formed
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of all sorts of people coming together.
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And I think every time we post online,
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every time we do this, there's a chance
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that these little
microcommunities can form.
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There's a chance that all sorts
of different creatures
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can come together and be drawn together.
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And sometimes, through
the muck of the internet,
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you get to find a kindred spirit.
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Sometimes that's
in the reading the replies
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and the comments sections and finding
a reply that is particularly kind
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or insightful or funny.
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Sometimes that's
in going to follow someone
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and seeing that they
already follow you back.
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And sometimes that's in looking at someone
that you know in real life
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and seeing the things that you write
and the things that they write
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and realizing that you share so many
of the same interests as they do,
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and that brings them
closer together to you.
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Sometimes, if you're lucky,
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you get to meet another alien.
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[when two aliebns find each other
in a strange place,
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it feels a litle more like home]
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But I am worried, too,
because as we all know,
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the internet for the most part
doesn't feel like this.
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We all know that for the most part,
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the internet feels like a place
where we misunderstand each other,
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where we come into conflict
with each other,
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where there's all sorts of confusion
and screaming and yelling and shouting,
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and it feels like
there's too much of everything.
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It feels like chaos,
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and I don't know how to square away
the bad parts with the good,
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because as we know and as we've seen,
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the bad parts can really, really hurt us.
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It feels to me that the platforms
that we use to inhabit these online spaces
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have been designed
either ignorantly or willfully
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to allow for harassment and abuse,
to propagate misinformation,
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to enable hatred and hate speech
and the violence that comes from it,
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and it feels like
none of our current platforms
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are doing enough
to address and to fix that.
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But still, and maybe
probably unfortunately,
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I'm still drawn to these online spaces,
as many others are,
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because sometimes it just feels
like that's where all the people are.
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And I feel silly
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and stupid sometimes
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for valuing these small moments
of human connection in times like these.
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But I've always operated under this idea
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that these little moments of humanness
are not superfluous.
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They're not retreats
from the world at all,
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but instead they're the reasons
why we come to these spaces.
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They are important and vital
and they affirm and they give us life.
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And they are these tiny,
temporary sanctuaries
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that show us that we are not
as alone as we think we are.
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And so yes, even though life is bad
and everyone's sad
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and one day we're all going to die --
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[look. life is bad. everyones sad.
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We're all gona die, but i alredy bought
this inflatable bouncey castle
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so are u gona take Ur shoes off or not]
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I think the inflatable metaphorical
bouncy castle in this case
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is really our relationships
and our connections to other people.
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And so one night,
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when I was feeling particularly sad
and hopeless about the world,
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I shouted out to the void,
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to the lonely darkness.
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I said, "At this point,
logging on to social media
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feels like holding someone's hand
at the end of the world."
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And this time, instead of
the void responding,
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it was people who showed up,
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who started replying to me and then
who started talking to each other,
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and slowly this little
tiny community formed.
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Everybody came together to hold hands.
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And in these dangerous and unsure times,
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in the midst of it all,
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I think the thing that we have
to hold on to is other people.
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And I know that is a small thing
made up of small moments,
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but I think it is one tiny,
tiny sliver of light
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in all the darkness.
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Thank you.
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(Applause)
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Thank you.
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(Applause)