2012 10 14 NH EN The Practice Of Mindfulness Of Compassion

(gong)

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breathing in I know I am alive

Breathing out I smile the light in me and around me

I am alive smiling through life

(gong)

Breathing in, I know that mother earth is around me and inside of me

Breathing out,I feel grateful to mother earth

around me and inside of me

Mother earth

smile in gratitude to mother earth

(gong)

Good morning dear sanga

Today is Sunday the 14th of October

in the year 2012

and we are in the full moon meditation room

of the new hamlet plum village

this is our second day second week of the Autum retreat

Last week we have learned of many things

some of us have left but many of us

still continue with the full retreat

we have learn the practice of the eight

the first eight exercise of mindful breathing

and the first four are to help us to

come back to our body

to help release the tension in our body

to reconnect with our body

to make our body lighter and more comfortable

the next four exerises

help us to handle our painful feeling

our painful emotions

also to help us to create

feelings of joy

feelings of happiness

wherever we are and whenever we want

so those of you who has come on friday

i encourage to listen again

to the last two dharma talks

given by tai during the last week

This is very basic

for the practice

so that I does have to repeat agin

what they had said in the first and second dharma talk

we know that mother earth

is not just an environment

usually you think that

our environment is the mother earth

and we tend to think of mother earth

as matter and not mind

that is a false perception

mother earth is not matter

she is the mother of all the buddhas

she is the mother of all bodihisattva and saints

Buddha, Jesus Christ all are children of mother earth

and we also are children of mother earth

mother earth according to the view of a Buddhist

is great bodihisattva

a great enlightened being

full of compassion

and patience

understanding and love

mother earth is not matter

mother earth is also a spirit

and how can matter give birth to buddhas and saints

and bodihisattvas

bodihisatta means living being

sattva means living being

and we have to learn to train ourselves

to see mother earth as a living being

and that living being is a great living being

its a mahasattva

not just a sattva, mahasattva

daiyogan

bodamahata is bodihasattva mahasattva

bodisattva is a living being that

is already enlightened

yaguten

so mother earth is a great

is an enlightened being

and she is a great being

bodhisattva mahasattva

we have to train ourselves to see mother earth like that

because we know that

Buddha, Jesus and other great bodhisattva

have been born

from mother earth

and we also am children of mother earth

and mother earth is not only outside of us

around us

mother earth is in us

so we carry mother earth within ourselves

and if life span of mother earth

cannot be determined by years

and then our lifespan also is infinite

we should not be afraid of dying

because our life span is the life span of mother earth

so mother earth help us to manifest in this form

and after some time we go back to mother earth

and she will help us manifest again in other forms

there is no reason why to be afraid of dying

because we are mother earth

we carry mother earth in us

if the mother has that kind of infinate life span

then we too have that life span also

we have to learn like that

In our we have a tendency to discriminate

we discriminate between mind and matter

that is why we ask the question

whether the mind is product of matter

or is matter a product of mind

materialism say that

our mind is a product of matter

and [ergulism] say that what you see as matter

is only your mind

so they continue to quarrel and dispute each other

that's because they use the mind discrimination

in order to look at things

with in the tradition of Buddhism

mind and matter are not two separate entities

sometime they manifest as mind

sometime it manifest as matter

it's like in subatomic physics

element particle sometime express itself as particle

sometime as a wave

so to say it's a particle is wrong

to say it is a wave is equally wrong

it is both

this sheet of paper

it has a left and a right

and we know that we cannot take the left out of the right

and the right out of the left

you cannot cut them and take the right to [location?]

and take the left to go to Toulouse

they are always together

you can not take them out of each other

and that is the addition of interbeing in buddhism

interbeing means you cannot be by yourself alone

you have to interbe with us

the left has to interbe with the right

the left is not the enemy of the right

the left has to lean on the right

in order manifest herself

and the right has to lean on the left

in order to manifest herself

so this is the mind of non discrimination

if we continue our mind with discrimination

we distort everything

we oppose matter to mind

left and right

and so on

last week we also learned

that suffering and happiness

they are not enemies

they interare

suffering is made of happiness

and happiness if made of suffering

if there is no suffering

there is no happiness

if there is no happiness

there is no suffering

it's like the lotus flower and mud

if there is no mud

you cannot grow lotus

and the lotus stay there for sometime

and become mud again

so looking into the lotus you see the mud

and looking into the mud you see future lotus

so suffering is like that

someone who has the capacity

to go back to himself

and listen to his own suffering

and look deeply into his suffering

he will be able to understand

that suffering inside of him

that carries with it

the suffering of his father his mother

his ancestors

and yet having suffering inside

help you to understand your own suffering

and understanding suffering

you rise to compassion

and when compassion arises

you suffer less right away

cause you see the path

of transformation and healing

if you have understood the nature

the roots of your suffering

then path leading to the cessation of the suffering

will apear in front of you

and having seen that path

you are no longer afraid

you know how to make good use of suffering

in order to make happiness

it is like the brother [?]

they know how to make good use of the mud

in order to produce beautiful lotus flowers

the one or two lotus flowers left

in our hamlet and low hamlet

one of the things we learned last week

is that we need suffering

suffering can be beautiful

and it can speak about the goodness of suffering

because going back and listen

and understanding our suffering

we arise at the birth of compassion

and love

and when compassion and love is born

we suffer less right away

suppose you look at someone

even that someone has made you suffer a lot

during the past many years

you don't want to look at him or her

because everytime you look at him or her

you sufffer

because you believe that person

as made you suffer so much

but now with the practice

it comes different

because you have already understood

your own suffering

that is why

you are capable of recognizing

the suffering in him, in her

and you understand why

such a person suffer so much

and that person suffers so much

and does not know how to handle the suffering

that is why his suffering is spilling all over, around

and you are with him

maybe he did not want to make you suffer

that's becasue he did not know how

he does not know how

to handle the suffering

that is why he continues to suffer

because he suffer you have suffer

you are the second victim

and he is the first victim of his suffering

so having understood your own suffering

you have compassion

you have insight

and you suffer less

and that allow you to look at the other person

and when you can see the suffering in her

in him

and you understand why that person suffer like that

you are no longer angry at him anymore

and this is the truth

when you look at someone

and you can see the suffer

in that someone

that he is not capable of handling the suffering

you don't blame him anymore

you are not angry at him anymore

instead you want to do something

to say something

in order for him to suffer less

it means that you have compassion in your heart

and compassion in your heart

does not make you suffer anymore

so the practice is how to give birth to compassion

when you have compassion understanding

you look at the other person

you see the suffering in him in her

you are no longer angry at him or her

and you want to say something

or to do something

to help that person suffer less

so the practice is very effective

you may succeed in just a few days

first of all

you go home to yourself

and try your best to get in touch with the suffering inside

and listen to the suffering inside of you

many of us do not want to do that

because we believe that it is unpleasant

if you don't know the practice

when by yourself and getting in touch with suffering

you might be overwhelmed by the suffering inside

that is why you are always trying to run away

from yourself

to get busy

to cover the suffering inside by consuming

you watch television

you read news paper

you listen to music

you have conversation

you do everything so you can busy enough

and not have to encounter the suffering inside

that is the practice of most of us

and that what the buddha advise us not to do

because suffering in us

demand to be understood

and we always try to avoid it

to cover it up

because we are afraid

to be in touch with the suffering inside

we pretend that it is not there

but it is really there

big block inside

so the practice of buhhist meditation

is to generate the energy of mindfulness

so that you be strong enough

to come home to yourself without fear

and mindfulness can be generated

by practice of sitting, of walking, of breathing

breathing mindfully

walking mindfully

sitting mindfully

you generate the energy of mindfulness

mindfulness is the energy that allows you

to bring your mind home to your body

to know what is going on

to recognize what is there

mindfulness tell you

there is suffering in myself

I have take care of my suffering

mindfulness help recognize suffering inside

mindfulness help us to embrace our suffering with tenderness

like a mother holding her child that suffers

and if we know how to embrace our suffering

with tenderness

using the energy of mindfulness to do so

we will suffer less

after a few minutes of practice

like the baby

being held tenderly by the mother feel better

suffer less

so the daily practice of mindful breathing

mindful walking

is very important

because it help us generate the energy of mindfulness

is it is with that energy

you can go home without fear

and listen and embrace your suffering inside

understand your own suffering

you understand the suffering of your father

because your father may have had a lot of suffering

and because he may not be able to handle

and transform the suffering

that is why he has transmitted the suffering to you

and that is what you inherit from him

so when you understand your own suffering

you understand the suffering of your father

and you don't get angry at him anymore

when you understand your own suffering

you understand easily the suffering of your mother

and you don't blame her anymore

because your suffering interis the suffering

of father, mother, and society

so having understood our own suffering

we begin to understand the suffering

of mother, father, sister, and our partner

we may have difficulties in relationship

with our son, our daughter

our father, our mother

and if we don't know how to practice

listening to our own suffering

then there is no chance to improve

the quality of relationship

if you have understood your suffering

it's much easier to improve relationship with the other person

because understanding the suffering

you can easily recognize the suffering in the other person

now the person might be your father

your mother

your son

your daughter

or your partner

and once you have seen the suffering

in him in her

seen that he is she is the victim of that suffering

you don't suffer anymore

instead you want to help him

you become a buddhisattva

you are enlightened

buddhisattva

to become a buddhisattva is possible

buddhisattva is enlightened being

and if you understand your own suffering

then you have enlightenment

enlightenment is always enlightenment about something

if you begin to understand

the nature, the root of your suffering

that is already a kind of enlightenment

that kind of enlightenment

help you to suffer less right away

and it bring you compassion

and you are somehow a buddhisattva

for yourself

you don't blame yourself

you don't hate yourself anymore

and those of us who blame ourselves

who hate ourselves

because we have not understood ourselves

we have not understood the suffering in ourselves

but once we have understood ourselves

have understood the suffering in ourselves

we suffer less right away

we accept ourself as we are

and then improving our relationship

with the other person becomes really easily

much easier

peace

enlightenment

always begin within ourself

and when you find you feel lighter

freer

from anger

from conflict within yourself

you are capable of looking and seeing

and recognizing the suffering

in the other person

and when you look at that

you don't suffer anymore

instead you are capable

to look with the element of compassion

in your eyes

when you look with compassion in your eye

you don't suffer

and looking with living beings with compassion

that is a sentence quoted from

the lotus sutra

[foreign language]

when you look with compassion you don't suffer

when you look with anger you suffer

it is not difficult to look with compassion

if you can see the suffering inside of him or her

you only have compassion in you

because understanding always bring about compassion

and then you can use the kind of language

you can help him

before that it was difficult for you

to talk to him or to her kindly

because you were so angry at him or her

it's impossible for you

to speak kindly with him or her

there are children who are so angry

at their father or mother

they cannot talk nicely with them

but when you have seen the suffering

in your father, in you mother

understanding arise at the same time as compassion

and suddenly you find yourself capable of happiness

you can say

father, daddy

i know you have suffered quiet a lot

i was not able to help you

instead I have reacted in such as way

that make you suffer more

I am so sorry

you can say it like that, naturally,

and not have to make any effort

This is the practice of the fourth mindfulness training

loving speech and deep listening

a bodhisattva is someone who can talk

can speak with a kind of language

or present loving speech

a bodhisattva is someone who can listen with compassion

and if you train

for three days

you might become a bodhisattva

and you might talk to him or to her

with that kind of language

and you might listen to him or to her

with that kind of compassion

you don't have to practice ten years in order to do that

a few days may be enough

father, daddy, i know you have suffered so much

in the past many years

i was not able to help you suffer less

instead

i have reacted angrily

in such a way that make the situation worst

daddy it is not my intention to make you suffer

that's only because i didn't see the suffering in you

i did not understand the suffering in you

so please daddy

tell me what is in your heart

tell me what is in the difficulties

the despair

the conflict in your heart

please help me

so that i will understand

if I understand

I will not react like the way I have

in the past

please help me

if you don't help me

who will help?

that is the kind of loving speech

kindness that you can do

you can use

if you learn to look in such a way that

you can see suffering in that person

and recognize the roots of the suffering in him or in her

it's like a doctore

if the doctor does not see the nature of the sickness

he cannot help

she cannot help the patient

it's like the psychotherapist

if she doesn't understand truly the suffering

the cause of suffer of her patient

she cannot help

that is why understanding suffering

is a crucial practice in Buddist tradition

in fact the first noble truth is suffering

the second level truth is

the cause, the nature, the root of suffering

if you are able to say it like that

you are a person that open his heart

and tell you what is in his heart

and now you have an opportunity to practice

deep listening

to practice compassionate listening

compassionate listening is a wonderful practice

and you can listen for one hour with compassion

you help the other person suffer much less

in one hour

compassionate listening is a kind of listening

that has compassion as essense

because if you do not practice mindfulness of compassion

you cannot listen

very well

you might have good intention

to listen to him to her

in order to help him or her suffer less

your intention might be very good

but if you do not know that practice of mindfulness

of compassion

you may lose your capacity of listening

because what the other person say

might be full of wrong perceptions

might be full of bitterness

accusation, blames

and that might touch irritation and anger in you

and you lose your capacity to listen to him or to her

that is why you have to train yourself first

before you begin the practice with people

you have to have the time to look

and see the suffering in him, in her

you must be ready before you practice

and during the time in practice

you should maintain

mindfulness of compassion alive

mindfulness of compassion means

you are aware

you remember that

you listen to him or to her

with only one purpose

that is to help him or help her

empty the heart and suffer less

i am listening to him

with only one purpose to help him suffer less

therefore if he say wrong things

if he is bitter

if he blames

i still continue to listen

he may say wrong things

but i am not going to interrupt him

because if i interrupt him

and correct him

then I will transfor the session into a debate

and that it will ruin everything

breath in and out mindfully

during the whole session of listening

and rember that one thing

listening to that person

I only have a purpose

give him a chance to suffer less

just remember one thing

throughout the session

and you can tell yourself that

he is misunderstanding his judgement

these are prejudices and misunderstanding

in a few days

i will have a chance o give him

to offer him some information

so that he can correct his perception

but not now

now is only to listen

and if you can keep that alive in your heart

in your mind

by listening with only one purpose

not to correct but to allow him a chance

to speak out to suffer less

just then its called mindfulness of compassion

and if you can give your mindfulness of compassion

during one hour

when you listen to him or to her

you are a bodhisattva

because the energy of compassion

is in your heart

you are inhabited by the energy of compassion

you are safe

and if compassion is there

what the other person is saying

even with a lot of wrong perception

with bitterness anger blame accusation

you are safe

because you are protected by compassion

the best protection is

the protection with compassion

so you can sit there

and listen for one hour or more

of course you have the right

to tell him or her the truth

but not now, later

so in the retreats we offer everywhere

in Europe, North America, Asia, Australia

on the fifth day of the retreat

we always propose

retreatants to put into the practice

the fourth mindfulness practice

deep listening and loving speech

and order to help restore communication

and bring about reconciliation with the person

you are having difficulty with

I said, we said

because there are many dharma teachers

that are offering mindfulness retreats

a little bit everywhere

many of the dharma teachers in Plum Village

have offered retreats of mindfulness

on the theme of ???

and now they are offering the teaching in schools

many schools in New Deli

helping school teachers and also students

so usually on the fifth day

we say, dear friends

we are on the fifth day of the retreat

so please do apply the teaching

of deep listening and loving speech

to restore communication with the person

you have difficulty with

and you have until midnight today to do that

if the other person is in the retreat

it is easy

becasuse the other person has been exposed

to the teaching

the other person has also meditated

on his own her own suffering of the other

so it is easier

but if the other person is not in the retreat

then you are allowed to use your portable telephone

to do that

in a retreat in Hong Kong

also in Macau

it's very interesting

about 50% of those who come to the retreat

are Christians

they were originally Buddhists

but they have embraced Christianity

but all of them have practiced very well

on the sixth day

the people came to Thai after breakfast

and reported that

the night before

they haved used their telephone

in order to talk to their husband

to their wife, or their son

and they were able to reconcil with them

and the same thing happened

always in our retreats in Europe and America

I still remember the retreat

in Oldenburg Northerford, Germany

in the morning of the sixth day

four gentlemen can to me

and reported the night before

they had used their telephone

and practiced with their father

and four of them, all of them

had been able to reconcile with their fathers

one of them said

dear Thai

it's wonderful

in the beginning of the retreat

I could not believe

that I can talk to my father like that

I was so angry at him

I didn't want to look at him

and last night

i still had some doubts

that I can do it

even if Thai had told me that you have to be before midnight

so I did phone him

and when i hear his voice

suddenly I found myself capable of talking like that

with loving speech

daddy, I know you have suffered so much

in the last many years

I could not help you

I have reacted angrily

and made you suffer more

daddy, it is not my intention to make you suffer

just because I was ignorant

i did not know that

there is a lot of suffering in you

please forgive me

please help me

and I found myself

talking to him

in that naturally

and I did not have to make any effort at all

and daddy is a non buddhist practitioner

a practitioner who is not Buddhist

I know there were more than four people in that retreat

who had succeeded

but that morning

only four German came to me and report like that

so reconciliation is possible

you can end

the difficulty

we should not allow

that kind of difficult relationship

to go on

month after month

year after year

it is possible to stop

and the miracle

always miracle of transformation

and healing, and reconciliation

always happen in our retreats

the practice of mindfulness

so that you can be strong enough

to go back to yourself

and listen to your own suffering

look deeply into the nature of your suffering

that allow compassion to arise

so that you can accept yourself

have compassion for yourself

and then you have the chance to look

at the other person

in the sitting position

you can look at him or her

even if he is not there

and see the suffering

that person has gone through

so many year

and you see compassion arise in your heart

you know that is good practice

and you are motivated by the desire

to go back

to help him or her

it means there is transformation

happening in that retreat

that gentleman told Thai

"dear Thai, after the retreat

the first thing I will do

is to go and visit with my father"

Many children

young people

came to

our retreats

and they transformed

I remember that retreat

in Southern California

the young people who are transformed

during the retreat

and they went home

they reconciled with their father

their mother

and they invited their father

to come to the next retreat

There is a lady who lived in Washington DC

she was about to commit suicide

becasue she was overwhelmed by despair

she is a Catholic

She didn't see any hope

She has had the idea of killing herself

several times

She has a friend who is a Buddhist practioner

a Vietnamese friend living in the area

and she used to tell her suffering

she had a very difficult relationship with her husband

and also their three children

Her Buddhist friend

tried to help her

and that friend

has a tape, a cassett

with a Dharma talk by Thai

about deep listening and loving speech

at that time there was no CD

the Dharm talk was recorded on cassetts

and she tried "dear friend, listen to to this cassett"

and the lady refused

she belived that she is a Catholic

and she should not listen to this stuff

Buddhism and so on

it's not great to learn

about another region

so she refused

One night she was on the verge of despair

and she wanted to kill herself

she telephoned her friend

and that lady, the buddhish

this lady said

it's okay to kill yourself

but first come and see me

I want to see you fot he last time

take a taxi

because her husband took the car

and went somewhere

Take a taxi

so she wanted to go and to say goodbye to her friend

before she killed herself

when she came

the Buddhist lasdy say

is that true that you can see me as your true friend?

Your only friend in the world?

Yes Yes you are the only one to whom i can talk

you are a real friend

and the Buddhist lady said

you told me that I am my friend

but the only thing I request you do you dont't do

now I want to remove my regret

before you go and kill yourself

listen to this cassett

The Catholic lady said okay

before dying, I should satisfy the wish of that

so she relucantly accepted to listen

So the Buddhist friend withdraw

so that Cathlics lady can be alone and listen to the talk

she was absorbed in the Dharma talk

and she get enlightened during the time

she listened to the Dharma talk

The Dharma talk is about the practice of deep listening

compassionate listening , and loving speech

having finished the cassette

she wanted to practice right away

she has the element of hope in her

and that is why when her frined came

she saw the transformation

dear friend, I am going home and putting this in to practice

and her friend said, please wait

in order to practice

you have to train yourself for a number of days

so that your practice will be successful

my teacher is coming to America

and offer retreats in east coast and west coast

So just wait until he comes to Washington DC

and you and I will attend his six day retreat

after that I think you will be able to put into practice

what you have learned tonight

and that she accepted

and she went to that retreat

she waited and she went to the retreat

and she learned how to breath

how to calm

her emotions her feelings

to release tension in her body

to recognize the beauties

the refreshing healing elements around

she learned how to listen to her own suffering

and she found out her suffering

is not only created by the other person

she has herself created a lot of [suffering]

from her perceptions, anger

and she saw that she is co-responsible for her suffering

before that she thought all her suffering

has been created by her husband only

and she thought her husband does not suffer

he just make her sufffer

now the understanding is quite different

she was able to see the suffering in her husband

it's quite an achievement

you see the suffering inside

you can see the suffering in the other person

and you see your part of the responsibility

in making the suffering here and there

and to take three four days in order to do so

so that night when she came back from the retreat

she was practicing slow mindful walking

and make sure she ease herself

she was herself

and she came and sat close to him

which is something very new

she would sit with him

her a long time and she began to talk

my husband

I know you have suffered

so much

during the past many years

I could not help you

I have made the situation worst

it's not my intention to make you suffer

just because I did not understand

I did not see the suffering inside of you

it's not my intention to make you suffer

it's my ignorance

so please help me

tell me of your suffering, you dificulties,

your despair

please help me

if you don't help

who will help

she was able to talk like that

and her husband began to cry

like a baby

because there are so many

she had not talk to him with that kind of language

the beginning is very beautiful

the relationship

but because you don't know the practice

you have transformed love into something else

hate

anger

despair

now it's time

to restore

to transform

and that night

was a very healing night for both of them

they reconciled

after the retreat in Washington DC

we also offered a day of mindfulness

for a few thousand people

both of them came

with their children

and after the walking meditation

we had a chance to meet them

the whole family

and she told us the whole story

otherwise, we would not

have known the story

she told us

about that story

it is possible to change the situation

we don't have to change the environment

we should not think that divorce

is the only

separation, divorce, is the only alternative

no

many people think that divorce is the solution

but after the paper is signed

they continue to suffer

you cannot take him out of you

and she cannot take you out of her

the suffering still continues

so reconciliation is the only way

reconciliation is not something

that requires a lot of efforts

you do not have to force yourself to reconcil

you are healed not by grace but by understanding

in Buddhism

we speak of salvation in terms of understanding

understanding is a kind of grace

understanding first is understanding suffering

the first noble truth

when suffering is understood

you suffer less

compassion arise

and with that understanding and compassion

we can repair the damage we have caused

we can restore communication

we can bring back reconciliation and happiness

this is possible with the practice

and if we have friends

we know the practice

they will support us

like that lady in Washington DC

she was a Catholic

she had not studied a lot of Buddhism

but she was successful in her practice

because she had a friend

and many of us who are Buddhist

but maybe cannot do as well as that

Catholic lady

because we have not received the right teaching

received the right practice

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two more sounds

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