The Daily Show - More WikiLeaks Revelations About Hillary Clinton

In WikiLeaks' latest document dump on Hillary Clinton, the site exposes little wrongdoing in the presidential hopeful's campaign emails and Wall Street speeches.

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Now... now, if you've
been watching the news

between 3:00 and 4:00 a.m.,
you've probably noticed

that they finally get around
to covering the story

about WikiLeaks--
and by WikiLeaks,

I mean
the document-dumping site,

not WikiLeaks,
the Hawaiian adult diaper.

-(laughter)
-Very different thing.

Over the past few weeks,
WikiLeaks founder

and Slytherin prefect,
Julian Assange,

vowed to bring
Hillary Clinton down

by exposing every single e-mail

everyone who knows her
has ever written.

And ten days ago, they dropped
a new Wiki bombshell.

In one e-mail, Donna Brazile,
who was then of CNN,

and now the acting Democratic
National Committee chair,

is shown to have e-mailed
the Clinton staff

ahead of a CNN debate

a question that
she says she saw beforehand.

The title of that very e-mail
was, quote,

"From time to time
I get the questions in advance."

Donna.

I'm so disappointed
in you, girl.

How are you gonna send
a secret e-mail

and give it all away
in the subject line?

You want to keep it
on the down-low.

You got to write something
no one wants to open,

like "Come to my improv show."

(laughter)

How are you gonna
put it all there?

Oh, and by the way, can
we talk about this real quick?

What the (bleep), CNN?

Am I the only who thinks
it's inappropriate

that news networks hire people
from the campaigns

to give political commentary?

Like, what do you think
is gonna happen, you know?

Obviously, they're
gonna say and do things

that they shouldn't be doing.

It's like bees hiring
Winnie-the-Pooh

to consult
on honey security issues.

It's gonna end badly.

Everybody does it.

And it's disturbing to find out
that the Clinton campaign

may have had access
to town hall questions

before the event--
but be careful,

because when you dig further
into these Hillary e-mails,

you may find something
that will bore you.

NEWSWOMAN:
Among the hacked e-mails

from Clinton's campaign manager
John Podesta,

his secret
for remarkable risotto.

"Why do I use one-quarter

or one-half cup of stock
at a time?"

Podesta replied,
"The slower add process

"and stirring causes the rice
to give up its starch,

which gives risotto
its creamy consistency."

-(laughter)
-That is disgusting.

That is disgusting!

Young people
may not understand this,

but you realize that recipes are
basically old people's versions

-of dick pics.
-(laughter)

That's all they do
with each other.

They phone each other like,
"Hey, Ethel, you up?"

"Yeah."

"You have any good
ratatouille recipes?"

"Oh, you nasty."

(laughter)

But here's the big story
in all of this.

You guys remember
Hillary's paid speeches?

You remember this, yes?
The speeches that we all wanted

to find out about,
the ones she gave Goldman Sachs

and the other banks,
for millions of dollars.

Yeah, well, it turns out
they've also been leaked.

Hillary Clinton's Wall Street
speeches finally exposed.

WikiLeaks giving us an
inside look at what she said.

Finally!

After all that waiting,
we got to look

inside what Hillary said
to the big banks.

And it turns out
the worst thing she said

was that she agreed
with Abe Lincoln

that to get things done
in government,

politicians should have both
a public and private position.

That's it.
That's all she said.

Which I can relate to,
to be honest,

because my public position
is missionary.

My private position is crying
in a corner because I'm alone.

-Oh, and, uh...
-(laughter)

Another daring part of her
speech was when Hillary said,

as a multi-millionaire, she felt
like she was out of touch

with the common person.

And then all the bankers
in the room were like,

"Wait. There's people
poorer than you? Ew."

But the most embarrassing thing
Hillary said, in my opinion,

was that her dream is,
and I quote,

"a hemispheric common market

with open trade
and open borders."

Really, Hillary?

That's your dream?

That is your dream?

Dreams are supposed to be
about flying and unicorns.

That's your dream?

I just imagine her in bed
with Bill where she's like,

"Bill, I just had
the best dream.

"We had a hemispheric common
market with open borders.

What did you dream about?

And Bill's like,
"Uh, same thing."

(laughter and applause)

"Same thing."

Look, look,

I'm not saying Hillary doesn't
get up to some shady (bleep).

She's a politician,
a very good politician.

But we have to be honest
at some point

and admit that Trump and Hillary

are held to very
different standards.

Donald Trump is basically
running a cockfighting ring

in the woods, and yet,
everyone's upset

because they found out
Hillary's the naughtiest kid

at a chess camp.
It's not the same thing.

Because think about this,
if we can dig

into your deepest,
darkest secrets

of every email
you've ever sent,

and the worst thing we find out
about you is that your dreams

are basically a PBS documentary,

and yet, the guy that Hillary's
running against

has made us cringe every day
with things he said in public.

In public.

I'm just saying,

if Trump grabs pussy in public,

then what are his dreams like?