BRONIES - The Movie

*cartoon theme music*

What are you doing?

Nothing! I wasn't! No!

Why were you watching that?

Ummmmm....A.J. sent me this.

Why would A.J. send that to you?

I don't know.

You don't like that sort of stuff do you?

No.

You're lying to me.

No.

Omg. Omg! You're one of those.

A brony? No a lot of guys are doing it. Everyone's doing it there's a lot of guys-

Wait. Just so I can be absolutely clear. For enjoyment you like to watch
cartoons made for little girls about colorful magical ponies?

Is that weird? Is that weird? Is it weird? No...

Please stop freaking out.

What do you expect? I'm sleeping with a pervert.

I'm not a pervert! How does watching a cartoon make me a pervert?

Because...because...because, well you're so supposed to be a man
and men just don't like watching little girls cartoons it's--it's just weird.

Reilly wait!

You're not going to tell anyone, are you?

See you already know it's wrong.

No, it's...it's private.

No sweetheart. It was private.

Awww...no...don't...

*somber music*

Hello?

Hi Mr. Priscell. This is Shane. I don't think I'm going to make it into work today.

Everything OK?

Omg everyone listen up! Shane watches little girls' cartoons. He's a brony!

*Shane's co-workers laughing*

I just don't feel good. Thanks, bye.

*email alert sound*

Hey, welcome to life outside the closet buddy.

So she told everyone. Reilly told everyone about the brony thing.

Yeah. It was awesome. Nobody gives a shit though. I mean-
I told you they wouldn't. I've never hidden it. Why would you?

Yeah but, you're you.

Woah woah! No you didn't. What is that supposed to mean?

You're just...unique and you're proud of it and I totally respect that.
But I'm a supervisor, I can't--I have to be taken seriously ok.

You don't understand. It's more than a title. I have responsibilities you couldn't fathom A.J.

Hiding it inside it's not going to help. It's kind of bromophobic.

Don't--stop saying that no-one--that will never catch on. Quit it.

Of course it's going to catch on. You're just being a bromo.

OK, now that's offensive. I...I think?

Look on the bright side, OK? You are finally free from the clutches of that judgemental bitch.

Hey, come on.

I mean it.

Seriously.

You changed you were because of her man.

It's not because of her. I'm not a kid anymore. Clearly.

But you did just get busted for your love of a cartoon and I know for a fact that you're
hiding comics and toys in

your closet and they're not out on display were they belong. So you're a grown ass man. You need to start acting like it. Bust those toys out man.

I just don't want to be weird! Sorry I yelled at you but--

Then stop being weird. It's easy.

I'm never coming to work again.

Well, I see the lights on. Shane?

Hello? Hello? Are you there?

Hey mom. Hey dad. Did...did Reilly talk to you guys?

Yes. Yes, Reilly called. Why didn't you tell us? I mean, we are your parents we could help.

I don't want to...I'm not talking about it.

Well, we are whether you like it or not. And we've contacted a psychologist who's agreed to help.

A psychologist?

Yes.

Oh, that's a bit much!

No, no, we contacted them. There's a team of them. They work together at a clinic.
They specialize...they specialize in pedophilia.

Jesus, what?! No! Why do you think I'm a pedophile?!

Well, Reilly said there was these cartoons...

And it seems like you're watching these cartoons to lure children.

No! How does that make any sense? Like I just put on the cartoons and then
just droves of children just amble into my apartment. That is stupid. Why?

Well, isn't that how it happens?

No! God.

You're not a pedophile?

No, I'm not a pedophile.

Oh, thank god.

Reilly and I are just going through a rough patch. I don't know.

A rough patch.

And she made it all up, right? You're not actually watching these children's cartoons either?

Would that be weird though if I was just watching cartoons?

Well pedophilia is a disease. And watching these cartoons is kind of bizarre behaviour, right?

Yes.

Yeah, I guess.

*dark music*

Ok, ok. You know you're not supposed to put a suit in the dryer, right?

I have to grow up. It's time to purge my life.

Ok, um, you haven't slept in a very long time, have you?
You have this weird insane derp thing going on.

Ok, A.J. it's not funny. Reilly left me. My parents think I'm a pedophile
and I have my job to worry about.

Oh yeah? You think Mr. Priscell gives a shit?

Yes, I have to be taken seriously in my role.

What are you doing?

Hello?

Hi, Mr. Priscell. It's A.J. from work. Quick question for you. Do you care if
Shane and I like to watch a show about magical ponies?

Is this a joke?

No sir, infact Shane seems to think this is very serious.

I don't care if you dress up like magic ponies and ride each other.
As long as it's on your own time.

Is Shane coming into work tomorrow?

Oh, he'll be there.

I can't believe you just did that.

Yeah, your parents are going to get over it too. Because it's not like your
smoking meth, cooking meth or running with the wrong crowd.

It's a show.

Who you calling now. Stop!

I don't want to watch a pony show--

Shhhhhhhhh

*cartoon theme music*

You're right.

People can laugh. The truth is these ponies know what's really important in life.

And it's not about trying to look cool in a tiny suit.

Ah, dude. I'm being an idiot.

I have waited so long for you to say that.

Shane?

If she can't practice love and tolerance. You cut her loose.
Ok, she is the reason you denied your bronyism.

I can hear you.

I'm not whispering.

Brohoof.

If you hurt him again and I have to sit through one more tear soaked phonecall--

I'm fine A.J....I didn't cry.

I swear to god. I swear to god.

You look all grown up.

So, I've been doing some thinking and I really don't want it to end this way.
So, if you're willing to ditch the whole pony thing I'll take you back.

No.

What do you mean "no"? Are you seriously choosing a cartoon over me?

No, I'm choosing me over you. Wait that sounds really cheesy.
Yes, I'm choosing the cartoon over you so.

And here I thought you were a real man.

I am a man. I'm a man who likes comic books, I like video games.
Oh, I love a cartoon about magical colorful ponies

who just grasp what's important in life more than
you ever will. I don't know why. But I do. And that's me.

If I walk out that door I am not coming back.

Ok, I'll see you at work tomorrow.

Fine. But everyone is going to know what a pony loving freak Shane Foster is.

You can tell every pony all about it. I don't care.

Neigh.

This is too small.

*upbeat music*