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HELLUVA BOSS (PILOT)

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    (cars honking)
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    (lights buzzing)
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    - Alright now, I know business has been...
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    A bit slow lately.
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    Yes, and its no one's fault. OK?
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    I'm not naming any names here.
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    Moxxie.
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    Now, does anyone have any bright ideas on
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    how we can get business drumming up again?
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    - What about a car wash?
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    - This is hell, Millie. No one cares
    about cars being clean here. OK?
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    Oh, what about a billboard?
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    - We can't afford a billboard, sir.
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    - Helpful, Moxxie, really glad
    you're in the room right now.
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    Have you guys forgotten what
    service we provide?
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    (TV static)
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    - Ah-ha!
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    (gunshot)
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    (screaming)
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    (Millie giggling)
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    (screaming)
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    - Ah, those were the good times.
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    - I don't need any reminding, sir,
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    considering you blew most of our salaries
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    on an obnoxious TV ad last week.
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    One that you then additionally paid to have run
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    for full 3 hours on a channel
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    nobody watches.
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    - Uh, hey excuse me.
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    Whats obnoxious about a
    super fun jingle, alright?
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    It's a fun distraction when an
    advertisment's spitting bullshit.
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    - People love musicals sir.
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    - Exactly, Millie!
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    And we're basically doing a musical.
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    Are you gonna crush my musical
    theatre dreams like my dad did?
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    - Sir...
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    - 'Cause right now, all I see is
    just my dad's asshole talking to me.
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    Crushing my dreams of being who I truly
    am inside.
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    - Are you trying to crush
    his dreams, Moxxie?
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    - I... What?
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    - I thought I knew you.
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    - I can't believe you, Moxxie, after I
    made you employee of the month.
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    - OK, Sir. I'm sorry, a commercial jingle
    is not comparable to musical theater.
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    Nobody actually likes the jingles.
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    - I liked it.
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    - Do not... do not agree with him
    in front of me.
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    - Hi there I'm Blitzo, the O is silent and
    I'm the founder of I.M.P.
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    Are you a piece of shit who got yourself sent to hell
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    or are you an innocent soul who got FUCKED over by someone else?
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    - After lovingly killing my wife
    for FUCKING A DELIVERY MAN,
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    you can imagine my surprise
    when I wound up here,
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    after the state of Ohio killed me.
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    I really wish I could stick it to that
    yappy jogger who saw me hiding the body.
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    - Well luckily for you,
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    thanks to our company's special
    acess to the living world,
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    we can help you take care of your
    unfinished business by taking out
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    anyone who screwed you over
    when you were alive.
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    ♪ When you want somebody gone
    and you don't want to wait too long ♪
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    ♪ Call the Immediate
    Murder Professionals ♪
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    ♪ Hand grenade or cyanide
    We'll make it look like suicide ♪
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    ♪ The Immediate Murder Professionals ♪
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    ♪ We do our job so well,
    because we come straight up from hell ♪
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    ♪ We'll kill your husband or your wife
    we'll even let you keep the knife ♪
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    ♪ We're the Immediate Murder Profession-
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    (gunshot)
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    (flatline, rushing sounds)
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    - Doctor, he's not responding!
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    - Cold water, stat!
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    It didn't do anything!
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    - Damn it! I'm not losing another one!
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    Clear!
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    (gasp)
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    Holy shit, it actually worked.
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    He appears to be in stable
    condition, but he'll need surgery.
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    Now what insurance provider
    do you freaks have?
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    - The fuck is insurance?
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    (glass breaking, screaming)
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    (more screaming, car swerving)
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    ♪ Kids die for free! ♪
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    - I'd like to go on record and say
    that incident was Loona's fault.
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    Dispatch is supposed to give us the right
    info on the target, it's very simple.
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    - Oh sit on a dick Moxxie.
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    - You sit! Sit on- a... and
    the... d--do your job!
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    - Hey, now, we don't blame our
    screw ups on Loona, OK?
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    She didn't do anything wrong.
    (Loona growling)
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    - Are you kidding me, sir?
    She's awful.
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    - Hello I.M.P.
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    - (Millie) Loona, I got
    stabbed! Call Mox--
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    - Happy adoption anniversary Loonie.
    I got you a little something.
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    - Is it a cure for syphilis?
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    - I... oh.
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    - Then I don't want it!
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    UGH!
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    - I'm sorry, it was spiders.
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    - God damn it.
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    - Um, e-excuse me. Did you just
    fax me an ad for weight loss?
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    - No.
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    - Wha-- Why-- Why would
    anyone send me this?
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    - Come on. You know why.
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    Whoever left the fucking... avocado
    salad in the fridge, I'm taking it,
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    because I have the worst
    hangover right now.
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    - Why would you drink on a work night?
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    - I'm hungover from this morning, dumbass.
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    - Isn't that my lunch?
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    - You know what? I can't take
    this assault right now.
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    I need to blow off some fucking steam!
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    (Loona screaming)
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    (baby yelping into distance)
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    Blitzo that clingy rich
    asshole is on the phone.
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    Says it's urgent, wants to talk to you.
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    Sounds a little DTF-y.
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    - Oh, God, it was one time!
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    If I hadn't slept with
    that privileged asshole
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    none of us would have
    access to the living world.
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    - ...You what?
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    - (quietly) Got the book, got the book,
    got this fucking heavy book.
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    (creaking)
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    (grunting)
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    Oh, oh shit!
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    Sorry, I fucked your husband.
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    - Blitzo!
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    - I heard you alrea--
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    So, what can I do you
    for this time, Stolas?
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    - There's a political candidate
    causing trouble up on Earth
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    for a few of my associates.
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    He's trying to convince people
    global warming exists.
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    - Doesn't it?
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    - Well yes, but more people die
    if nothing is done about it.
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    And it gets lonely here.
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    - OK, well, yeah, that makes sense
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    - You know what happens
    when I'm lonely, Blitzy.
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    - (quiet) Oh god fucking damnit.
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    - When I'm lonely, I become hungry.
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    And when I become hungry, I want to
    choke on that red (bleep) of yours,
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    (bleep) your (bleep) and lick all of your
    (bleep), before taking out your (bleep)
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    and f(bleep) with more teeth until
    you're screaming (long bleep)
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    like a fucking baby!
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    (cell cracking)
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    (phone dinging, crashing, a cat meowing)
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    (glass tinkling, blender whirling)
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    - Eat this.
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    And then you know that
    bridge over the freeway?
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    -Yeah?
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    - Shit off it.
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    Look, the point is, Loona is
    a valued member of our family,
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    and we don't get rid of family.
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    - We aren't a family, sir!
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    You are the boss. We are the employees.
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    You treat her like she's
    some troubled teenager.
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    She's more of like a meth-addicted
    homeless woman you let man the phones.
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    - That is offensive.
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    Without homeless people I wouldn't have
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    half the joy and laughter I do in this life.
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    - While we're on the subject of "family",
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    can you stop finding me
    and Millie outside of work?
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    - C'mon, sweetie, it's
    not that big a deal.
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    - Excuse me.
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    WHAT?
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    Honey, can you get me the butter?
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    - Sure, sweetie.
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    - Spoiler alert: the butter's spoiled.
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    (Millie giggles)
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    - What's funny, honey?
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    - Really impressive wordplay.
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    - What the--? Why are you in our fridge!?
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    (rustling)
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    (purring)
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    - Whatcha dreaming about?
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    - I was dreaming my parents were
    being murdered.
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    But now... I'd like to go back to that.
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    ♪ Of all the imps in hell ♪
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    ♪ It's for her/him that I fell ♪
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    ♪ Oh Millie ♪
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    Are you fucking filming us right now!?
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    Just... stop... doing that!
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    - I don't see what the issue is! Is there
    something you don't want me seein'?
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    - No.
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    - You a baby weiner-haver?
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    - Sir, what you say and how you
    act is totally INAPPROPRIATE!
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    - Calm down, Mox! You're gonna
    have another panic attack.
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    - I AM CALM!
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    (Shushing and whimpering)
    - There, there.
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    - Look, I don't judge the boring couple
    stuff you do outside work hours,
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    so don't judge me.
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    - Oh, I do judge you, sir!
    Quite a lot, actually.
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    - Mox he's our boss.
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    - No-no-no, it's fine, Mills,
    your husband is just...
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    How do I say this without
    being offensive?
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    Retarded.
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    - Does immaturely insulting me make you
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    feel better about your sad single life?
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    - It actually does.
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    - The only reason you have a wife
    is because you're easy to manage.
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    - No he's not, you bitch!
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    - Do not talk to my receptionist
    that way! She's sensitive!
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    - Yes I am!
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    - You guys are all fucking assholes.
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    - Oh shut up kid. You're
    lucky to witness this.
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    - (sigh) This company is such a mess.
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    - Alright, let's get back to
    talking about my outfit.
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    - Nobody was talking about that!
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    - Which is why I'm trying to get that ball
    rolling. So how does it look? It's good right?
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    -It's been a literal hell
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    having to pretend to be paralyzed
    so you fuckshits wouldn't kill me.
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    But now I want that.
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    I want death.
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    You are a selfish greedy clown.
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    And I'm a kid! We're supposed to
    like clowns, even the creepy ones!
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    - Hey now! That's not very--
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    - If I wanted to hear from
    a spineless jackass
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    I'd rip out your spine and
    ask you some shit.
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    - That's my husband you're talking to!
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    (laughs)
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    - That's your husband? I figured you
    for a slut
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    but I didn't know you
    needed dick that bad.
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    And you!
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    - What? What about me?
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    - Nothing. I don't talk to dogs.
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    I'm a cat person.
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    (whimper sound effect)
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    - Wow. You know, kid, you
    kind of are a piece of shit.
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    (everyone mumbling in agreement)
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    - Oh fuck! Guys, I just got
    a text from our client!
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    Guess he was the right target after all!
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    - Who?
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    - Him.
    - Me?
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    - Yup.
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    - They wanted us to kill
    an actual child?
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    - That's what they're sayin'.
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    - Well Christ on a stick.
    I guess there is a God!
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    (gunshot, child yells)
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    You know, folks...
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    With this company,
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    I really wanted to prove that
    we're capable of doing the same things
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    anyone else can.
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    Like killing people!
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    So from us here at the Immediate
    Murder Professionals group,
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    we promise to settle your unfinished
    bussiness, or your money
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    is gone, and you're never getting it back
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    and you can write us a bad review
    but we'll play dumb to it because
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    it's hell and no one fucking cares.
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    You know even though this
    kid was a target,
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    he's still a child. It's important that
    we handle this going forward respectfully.
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    - Please! If anyone has seen my
    little Eddie, please contact us at--
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    (mom yelps)
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    - You're welcome!
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    ♪ Oh what a thrill,
    when the crimson starts to spill ♪
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    ♪ And my Millie goes in for the kill ♪
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    ♪ She takes away my breath,
    she's the angel of death ♪
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    ♪ for me ♪
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    ♪ Oh Millie ♪
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    ♪ She's my queen,
    it's like a dream ♪
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    ♪ When I hear her victim start to scream ♪
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    ♪ In and out of the sack
    she's the maniac ♪
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    ♪ for me ♪
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    ♪ Oh Millie ♪
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    ♪ When the blood starts
    dripping down the walls ♪
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    ♪ drip! drip! drip! ♪
    ♪ And the bodies start to fall ♪
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    ♪ Good! ♪
    ♪ My heart skips a beat ♪
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    ♪ When my Millie's guns
    blazing in the heat ♪
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    ♪ Bang Bang Bang ♪
    ♪ My assassin love ♪
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    ♪ She makes the murdering fun ♪
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    ♪ for me ♪
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    ♪ La da dee ♪
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    ♪ Of all the imps in hell ♪
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    ♪ It's for her/him that I fell ♪
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    ♪ Oh Millie ♪
Title:
HELLUVA BOSS (PILOT)
Description:
more » « less
Video Language:
English
Duration:
11:12

English subtitles

Revisions

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