The Collapse of The American Dream Explained in Animation

We're doomed. pass it on

(Sold)

(Sold)

(For Sale)

(Bank like family!)

(Loan)

(Pile signs loan contract)

[Dog barks]

[Brakes screech]

[Off voice] The American Dream.

There's a reason to call it a dream.

[cock cries]
[Man] Who's there?

[Off voice] Cockadoodledo, Pile!

[knocking]
(Foreclosed)

[Pile] No, no, no, no no!

I don't have any more money!

My job sucks right now, please!

I'll have more money next month!

(Bank)

You can't take my house!

[Banker] Is that your signature?
(Loan contract signed Pile)

[Dog whines]

[Pile] OK, just tell me we'll work something out, OK?

I mean you said I'm a good credit guy, right?

Hey, wait! My dog is in there!

No, don't take my Dream!
[He weeps]

Oh, how did this happen?

[Explosion and flare noise]

(OUTATIME)

Hartman? Is that you?

[Hartman] It's been a long time since the fourth grade.

(4th Grade)

[Pile] Is that a time machine?

[Hartman] There's no need to concern yourself with my stern (?) accomplishments.

Just get in. There's not much time.

[Pile] Well, I got to go down to the bank to get my life back.

They took everything!

[Hartman] Oh! Bank ain't gonna help you now.

.... in the trunk.

It's a set of balls. Put them on, you're going to need them.

[Pile] You're going to get my dream back?

[Hartman] No, pal: you are. I'm here to show you how.

(E=mc squared)

(Winter of 2006)

[Hartman] Submitted for your approval:
1. First National Bank.

What is a bank, you ask?

A curious place where both space, time and irony exist -

- and yet, don't.

[Pile] Are you going to be doing that the whole time?

[Hartman] Pay attention, Pile.

Exhibit A: those who have come to deposit and safely store their earned monies.

Exhibit B: Those who need to borrow said money for purposes unknown.

[Pile] Hey, that's me!
(Not so prime)

[Hartman] Ergo.

Exhibit C: The bank only has so much money in the vault to lend out to people such as you.

[Pile] Hey! Hey, that's the guy! He took my house!

[Hartman] Really screwing my vibe here, Pile.

Space-time continuum: he can't hear you. Just let me narrate.

Now where was I?

So you see, by the time he got to you, Pile, his bank was out of money.

[Pile] But he gave me lots of money and charged me a lot of interest.

[Hartman] Yes: that's the only way banks make money,

by making debt loans: debt equals money, Pile.
(DEBT=MONEY)

Remember that: debt equals money.

The more loans they make, the more money they make.

[Pile] But if they don't have any money, then where did my money come from?

[Hartman] You're going to want to take a step back.
(FED)

(FED)

[Pile] Whoa! No way!

[Hartman] Yes way. And that's nothing.

[Banker] Hey, buddy! Need some money?

(BUM)

[Pile, offscreen] They didn't do that!?

[Hartman] Oh, they did exactly that, pal.

Remember: banks make money by making loans, by selling debt, even to -

bad credit risks.

[Banker] Yo! Have some money, dude!

Just sign here.

[Pile] Oh my gosh!

[Hartman] Mmm! They called it free money.

[Pile] Yeah! That's exactly what MY loan guy told me: free money!
(Loan contract signed Pile)

[Hartman] But it ain't free!

The worst part was offering money to people who don't even need it.
(We own your ass!)

People, Pal, like you.
(New Home Magazine - New Bank Offers)

[Van honks]
(Bank like family!)

[Pile] You're right! I didn't need him: I was happy here.

I didn't need it!
(New Home Magazine - New Bank Offers)

(Bank Like Family)

[Pile] Why is he sad? He's making all that money.

[Hartman] Shh. He's thinking.

[Clock ticking]

[Hartman] Now wait for it, now wait for it...

Bingo!

See, the bank has loaned to everyone in town.

But to make more money they have to loan even more.

[Pile] More? How much money do they need?

[Hartman] More...

[Pile yells] What's that?

[Hartman] Behold! A black horse riding / writing (?) credit cards.

(Refinance your home!!!)

[Pile] Wow! Look! I mean it's going to be okay, everything is going to be okay.

What now?

[Hartman] Now? Pile, with all this money, we might as well party.

[Music plays...]

[Pile] Woahao, this is awesome! I needed to get my head clear.

When I get back I'm going to straighten all this out.

I just hope Dream is doing okay.

[Howling]

[Barking]

[Male witch] I'm going to get you, my pretty.

[Pile] Yup, he is. I'm sure he is.

[Burps]

[Hartman] Yeah, you put it on his tab. A little something ...

Wait.

[Pile] You know, wait a second Hartman, I just thought of something.

If I got this money from the bank

and the bank got this money from the Federal Reserve dump trucks

[Hartman] Go on.

[Pile] Then, where does the Federal Reserve get their money?

[Glass breaks]

[Hartman] Real nice time ladies, real nice.

Excuse me while I borrow these.
[Women screech]

[Pile] Say, Hartman. Why am I wearing a burglar bikini top?

[Hartman] Because no one is allowed inside the Fed.

Not you, nor me, no American citizen,

no duly elected member of our Congress,

not the Supreme Court

[Pile] Not the Supreme Court?

[Hartman] Not the Supreme Court.

Not the Justice Department, not the CIA, the DIA, FBI, ATF, ATENBC

not even G-O-D.

[Knocking]

[Pile] How come the government isn't allowed inside its own building?

[Hartman] Government? Pile, the Fed is a private bank, owned by private stockholders,

do NOT let the name "federal" fool you.

This place is about as federal as Federal Express.

[Pile] A-a-a private bank?

But, private?

[Hartman, quietly] Shh.

Best to keep your voice down Pile.

[Phone ringing]

[Ethan] This is Ethan, Federal Reserve.

[Bill] Hey Eth, Bill here, First National.

[Ethan] Hi there Bill, how are ya?

[Bill] Good, good, we're running a little low on money.

[Ethan] No problem. How much do you need?

[Bill] Oh, how does 20 million sound?

[Pile, loudly] What?

[Slaps]

[Ethan] Excellent. We'll ship it over first thing tomorrow.

[Pile] Wait, he can just call up the Fed and ask for more money

and they give him whatever they want?

[Hartman] No, Pile. The Fed don't give the banks money.

The Fed loans the banks money.

[Slams]

[Hartman] The banks have to pay it back with interest.

Come on, ...

[Pile] Wait wait wait wait, I still don't understand.

Where does the Fed get their money? I mean if they're a private bank.

You said they were a private bank, right?

Okay, so who puts money into the Fed bank?

(US MINT)

[Phone ringing]

[Mal] This is Mal, United States Mint.

[Ethan] Hiya Mal, First National needs another 20 millies.

[Mal] We're already running the press at full steam here Ethan.

[Ethan] Gotta keep making loans, gotta keep the money flowing.

[Mal] All right, you're the Fed. Whatever you guys say.

Twenty million more, by morning!

[Horn blowing]

[Pile] But I don't get it, what's so wrong about the Fed printing money?

[Hartman] Because it's unconstitutional, Pile!

Our Treasury is supposed to create our money

but now the Fed controls the printing of Americas money.

Nobody gets a friggin' dollar that the Fed didn't print.

[Pile] So?

[Hartman] They print the money, then they loan it to the government

then they charge the government interest,

then the government taxes you to pay for it.

Wake up Pile!

[Pile] I don't see what the big deal is.

[Hartman] You know, you're right Pile.

[Pile] Wait a minute, wait, I am?

[Hartman] Yeah, I forget how effective they are at keeping you ignorant.

[Pile] Well that's okay-

Hey! I'm not ignorant!

[Hartman] Do you even know what money is, Pile?

[10th Century]

[Pies]

[Hartman] In the long, long ago, people bartered:

they traded things they had, for things they wanted.

I'll trade you my raspberries for that magpie? pie.

[Pile] I don't want your berries.

[Hartman] Come on, Pile, they're sweet berries.

[Pile] They're not sweet, they're old, and I don't like berries.

[Hartman] Give me that fine? pie!

[Pile] No.

[Hartman] As you can see, this moderate? situation created some problems.

Then one day, a goldsmith walked up and said,

"Now, everybody thinks gold is valuable,

so why doesn't everyone trade gold for things they need?"

[Cheering]

The price was set for gold and now it was very easy to conduct commerce

because now people could trade gold for all the things they needed.

[Pile] Hartman! Wow, look at all my gold!

[Robber snickers evilly]

[Pile] Hey! Hey, stop them! That's my gold!

[Hartman] Damn thieves.

[Ethan] Say there, Pile

I've got a vault and some guards.

I can keep your gold safe for you.

For a small fee.

[Pile] Yeah, sure, that'd be awesome.

[Hartman] You see Pile, this is how the first bank made money.

[Ethan] There you go Pile, I.O.U 100 gold coins.

[Pile] Okay, great!

[Ethan] Come back anytime and redeem your gold when you want it.

It will be right here-

in my vault.

[Hartman] Now you're holding the very first paper money Pile.

[Pile] Wow, this is great. It all makes sense.

[Hartman] Oh, that's right, it was good,

and everybody started using "I.O.U"

because everybody knew the I.O.U was as good as gold.

(Chocolate $1)

[Pile] Wow, this candy is really a good price.

1 I.O.U, I'm getting some more for later.

(Chocolate $10)

Wait a minute, it was just 1 I.O.U.

10 I.O.U's for chocolate?

He can't just raise prices like that!

[Hartman] Oh, the candyman can.

[Music plays]

[Hartman] ♪Oh, the candyman can!♪

[Pile] Wait, that is just freakin' wrong!

(Water 20)

(Water 200)
[Hartman] It's called inflation Pile.

It makes your I.O.U's worth less and less

until they are worth nothing.

Less bang for the buck, dollar ain't what it used to be.

[Pile] But I worked hard and made all those pot pies.

Now I have to work harder to make less?

That's not fair.

[Hartman] Oh, if you think that's not fair

you're gonna love the next part.