ELDERS REACT TO EPIC MEAL TIME

♪ (ragtime music) ♪

♪ (dramatic chord) ♪

- (Harley) We got all these burgers,

all this liquor, and a sexy bitch!

- That's my man.
Right outta Canada.

- (Harley) We've got that bacon.
- Bacon?

- (Harley) It's always about the bacon.

- I love bacon.

- (Harley) We thumbin' meat
while you're bummin' on the street.

Bacon Big Mac meatloaf.
- Big Mac meatloaf.

- (Harley) Seal it up with some...

- I wonder if that guy's mother
saw this show.

- Oh, their mothers must be so proud.

- Oh dear.

- (Harley) Get a grip.

It's a fast food meatloaf flip.

(speaking gibberish)

- (chuckling) Whoa-ho-ho-ho!

- (Harley) Now we're gonna eat it.

And you're gonna [bird caw]
watch her eat it!

- (in disgust) Oh, they're eating it.

- These are men.

♪ (dramatic music) ♪

- Oh, Lord.

- (Harley) Next time, we eat rare spawns.

- Hold on a second.

I wanna go out to my car
and get my cholesterol pills.

♪ (dramatic chord) ♪

- (Harley) Meat likers pizza layer.

More pizza pouches.

- Don't ever, ever eat like this.

- (Harvey) More meat likers pizza.

Complete pizza dough coverage.
- (baffled laughter) Oh my god.

- (Harvey) Cook that beauty.

Sauce, seriously!
- It's so unhealthy.

- Boy, they're high on bacon.

- (Harvey) Strips of crispy bacon!
- More bacon.

- I like pizza, but not like that!

That's... (silent laughter)

- (Harvey) Pizza pocket pockets.

- And that's, like, a carb killer.

- (Harley) Just about the sickest
[bird caw] piece of sandwich

you've ever clicked on on your internet.
- (baby cries)

- (Harley) There's my baby.
- (amused chuckle)

- (Harley) At Epic Meal Time...

we eat ALL our babies.

♪ (dramatic music) ♪

- Oh my god! It looks horrible.

- But you don't have to eat it so fast.

♪ (dramatic chord) ♪

- (Harley) Hey, while you were kissing pickles,

we were climbing to the top of the internet.

- What is "kissing pickles"?

- (Harley) I think it's time we start
putting animals back together.

We got all these parts
of all these animals.

Bustin' out the bacon.

- They're big on bacon, these boys.

- (Harvey) But what up, ribs?!
- (wheezy laughter)

- (Harvey) Packin'
more bacon in the blender.

- Ugh.

- (Harvey) Bacon drink tabs.

- (splutters) Bacon drink tabs!

Damn it, I wish I would
have thought of that.

(man groans)

- (Harvey) Bacon lamburger body.

Lay down the ribs.
- That's getting difficult to look at.

(laughing)

- You almost lose your appetite
watching this, don't you?

- (Harvey) We're playing God.

- You're not playing God.

- (Harvey) Put the bacon strips,
and bacon strips,

and bacon strips...

- They like bacon in this.

- Oh! Oh, god.

- What the hell is that?

- Oh, I think I'm gonna have a gag reflex.

- You know, that's considered
quite a delicacy in other countries.

- (Harley) Behold: a culinary abomination.

- They're making a meat mannequin.

- They are really sick.

- (queasy whimper)

- Oh god! They're eating the face.

-Who's got the nerve to suck that eyeball?

- I wouldn't even give that to the homeless.

- (Harvey) Next time,
we eat our own families.

- This is actually on-- people do that?!

- Whoa!

That's a little disturbing.

(laughing)

(movie reel clicks)

- (Finebros) What is the name of this show?

- This is Epic Meal Time.

- (Finebros) Have you ever seen it before?
- No.

- No.

- No.

- No, and if I had,
I don't think I would've watched it!

- (Finebros) How would you describe it?

- Well, it's confusing.

I don't see the point of it.

- It's gross!

- Disgusting.

- Over the top eating.

- It was big, and gross, and obscene, and sloppy.

- With all the people starving in the world,

they're wasting it on this crap?

- Gross.

Uh, sickening. Sad.

Why you got all these dead animals?

That's why we have all
these diseases and what have you.

Because of ignorance.

99.9% of the people eat meat anyway.

I'm not one of them.

- (Finebros) Here's the Epic Meal Time crew.

- Uh-huh.

- (Finebros) From looks alone,
what do you think

these guys must be like?
- Uh, they're probably street people.

- I think they're all bachelors.

They have to be.

- "(manly) We like football and,
you know, to do chicks."

- They are aggressive people, probably.

Uh, because when you eat meat,
it makes you aggressive.

- I don't think they're presenting
themself as they really are.

I think they're presenting themself
as they wanna be perceived.

And they're acting all tough and hard ass,

but I don't see a lot of ink.
- (Finebros snickers)

- You know? I mean,
if they were really as bad

as they thought, they'd have "Lucy"
tattooed on their neck or something.

- (Finebros) And what about
the host of Epic Meal Time?

- Oh, Harley's-- Harley's the man!

- "Sauce... Boss."

Oh, it even rhymes. He's a poet.

- He has a mouth on him that doesn't quit.

- He looks like he's trying
to get a rise out of you.

- A man with a straggly beard like that

is not particularly attractive.

- He looks like he could
pass for a Taliban spy.

- (Finebros chuckles) A Jewish Canadian?

- He's a Jewish Canadian?

I had a Jewish Canadian roommate once.

He was weird too.

- (Finebros) So these guys use
a lot of bacon in their cooking.

- Right.

- (Finebros) Do you like bacon?
- I do.

- I love bacon.

- Man, I am a bacon fan!

- I use bacon as the base
in my clam chowder.

I use bacon in my greens.

I use bacon sometimes
in my roasted potatoes.

I mean, I like bacon.

- I don't. (chuckles)

They sure did, though!

- Of course not!

- (Finebros, playfully) Why not?
- It's not kosher.

- (Finebros) What do you think
the message of their show is?

- None.

I don't see any message at all.

- I think their message
is to keep on eating meat.

- Meat is good for you!

- They're making fun of all the food shows
and all that stuff.

- I think they're satirizing fast food.

That pizza for 14 isn't big enough!

Could you make it bigger?

So they did.

If you look at all of us walking around,

I mean, a lot of us are eating too much

and supersizes too much,
and maybe that's what they're trying to do.

- (Finebros) Epic Meal Time
has over five million subscribers

and over half a billion views.
- (laughing)

I-- (laughing)

Oh, that's too funny!

- Every time I come here,
and I watch these things,

and you follow up by telling me,
"It's got nine million views!"

And I'm saying, "God.

(snorts) What do people do with their lives?

They sit and watch this stuff!"

- (Finebros) Why do you think
they're so popular?

- I'm embarrassed for us.

- I haven't the vaguest idea.

- I guess people like to be grossed out.

- They're just trying to figure out
how bad these guys are gonna get.

How gross are they going to be?

- It's just so excessive
that it's impossible.

We get a kick out of that.

It's like the big guy
jumping off the diving board

to make the biggest cannon ball.

- I give these guys just
a huge amount of respect

for that level of creativity.

- (Finebros) If you had
eaten food like they cook

your whole life, how do you think
your health would be right now?

- I'd be dead.

- I'd be dead.

- I'd be dead!

- I'd be dead. (laughs)

- I'm a big meat eater.

I'm 80 years old.

And... (slumps)
- (Finebros snickers)

Don, are you okay?!
- Yeah.

(pretending to have heart attack)

It's-- oh! I need a bacon fix!

- (Finebros) And if Epic Meal Time
invited you to come to their set

and partake in a meal with them,
would you do it?

- No. I wouldn't.

- No, thank you .

- Not happening.
- (Finebros chuckles)

- Couldn't pay me to eat that.

- I would eat a little bacon.

- I'd sure take a swing at it.

- Yes! Absolutely.

- I'm down. I'm in.

Where's it at? Let's go.

I'm kind of hungry right now.
It's dinner time.

(chuckles)

- (Finebros) Finally,
what advice would you have

for Epic Meal Time as they move forward
in their cooking career?

- Oh, my goodness.

I don't know-- a career?

They're calling that a career?

- Start exploring quiches.

- I want them
to consider having an Epic Light.

They have the power
to help Americans lose some weight.

- Based on what you've told me
about the number of views,

don't change the format.

Go with success.

- Thanks for watching Elders React.

- Hey! Don't be a hater.

Be smart. Subscribe.

- Did you enjoy the episode?

Well, show it by giving us a thumbs up.

- Bring on the bacon, cousin!

- Goodbye! We'll see you again soon, I hope.

(blows kiss)

♪ (music concludes) ♪