What Dan and Phil Text Each Other 2023

Phil: We text each other a lot

Dan: (laughing)

P: And we've now made a tradition
D: Wait which one is this?

P: This is..
D: The fourquel? The threequel?

D: The foursome?
P: The foursome

D: This is a goddamn franchise

Welcome back to the Dan and Phil
texts cinematic universe

In case you're new to this

The idea is we're gonna
read our iMessage conversations

Do you wanna know the real Dan and Phil?
P: (dramatic ooh)

D: Not those stories,
not what everyone thinks P: No

D: Who are actually are they?
What is going on in these minds?

P: What is here? What is here?
D: The most vulnerable-

D: Nothing
P: Nothing

D: The end

P: Little bird noises
D: Short video

P: I sound a bit like a horse because I
had laryngitis

D: Phil made out with a horse
P: Yes

D: He's got horsevid
P: Hm

P: It was the horse prince

(deep voice) Welcome to Dan and Phil text
each other, with Phil's brand new voice

D: Now it just sounds like some patreon
asmr porn thing

P: It does. I should do one of those
D: Okay. Where the f(squeak)k are we sat?

Continuing the kitchen reveal, past what
you saw in the baking video, welcome to

a bit of feature wall
P: Look at this. And then that's the fish

tank that has not been finished yet
D: That is my abandoned fish tank

P: We're both wearing what I think were
the aesthetics of the year from us

P: I'm doing my new bomber jacket era
D: From the Japan pic

D: And I"ve got the single best merch
garment of all time. The doomed hoodie

P: Yeah
D: This sh(bark) snug n a bug n a rug

P: For context, I'm the blue bubbles and
Dan is the black bubbles

D: Obviously
P: Yeah

P: January 1st, proving that I'm the
better friend, I was the first person to

text you, saying-
D: We were in the same location

P: 'Rat' at 2:28am
D: Why would you text me at 2:30 on-

P: I don't know
D: New Years Eve just saying 'rat'

D: Start as you meant to go on,
what the hell is wrong with you?

P: Maybe I'd seen a rat
D: And then the next day showing that

we're real party people with NYD plans..
'Can I have my Switch controllers, only if

it's not the worst hassle'. 90% of our
text conversation are when we're 3 metres

away from each other- P: Yes D: and we
want someone to pass something

or do something
P: For example Dan asking for his Switch

controllers.. probably on the toilet. Just
slide it through the crack..

D: Just me doing a thing, Phil-
P: ..of the door.

D: Oh.. oh god
P: Of the door. Of the door!

D: Not gonna be violet for long
P: Eugh

D: 'Can you say dick on TikTok?'
P: I like that you think I'm the authority

on this. 'I dot think so. You can't
say sex on TikTok.' D: Nice

P: You know how people say sex?

D: Uh 5 E 3
P: Seggs

P: 'This person is on OnlyFans' I'm not
saying who

D: 'Lowkey'
P: 'Are you going to look lol'

D: 'Can't be a- we should get a discount'

P: I don't follow anyone on Only Fans but
I was interested

D: I mean whatever it was, ultimately-

P: Not highkey enough to give him 4 pounds
D: I ain't paying for that

D: We're jumping straight in with Dan and
Phil with their own alien language

what the hell are they on
P: It's too much effort to say real words

P: 'mote'
D: Now this looks like 'to e' but I think

it's toe
P: Toè

P: 'Please can you make'
D: Now that was danandphilese for

it's time to make a coffee.
Welcome to Pluto

P: There we go

D: 'Do you know where my black shirt is?'
P: 'Wow that narrows it down'

D: Yeah walked into that one

P: 'How do batteries work?' wha- wha-
sometimes-

D: Why are you texting me that?
P: I don't know

D: Oh, for gods sake
P: Here I go

'White & gold or blue & black?'
That is 100 white and gold

D: 'Blue & black' clearly
P: The weird thing is with the dress

we had the same. Why are our brains
not connected on this one?

What's happened? We've diverged.
'It is very gold'

D: 'It's a shame your cones don't work'
P: Leave my cones alone man

Alien text two
'Good morn'

D: 'Slorn'
P: 'Do you wanna FaceTime or are you oot?'

P: I was Scottish for a second there
D: 'I can'. Are ya-oot?

- Next day. 'Gronas'
P: 'Nick gronas'

D: 'Do you have visitors?'
P: 'Neon. Nien.'

D: Okay
P: What, I- I don't even.. what..

- What are we talking about
D: What's happening is we're playing

a game with each other. P: Yeah
D: Which is who can make up a pretend

- word that has a rare energy
P: Yeah. It's gotta seem rare

D: And silently we go 'mmm'
P: The zodiac killer has nothing on

- Dan and Phil trying to
communicate in the same house

D: Hey how's Phil doing while
I'm busy on tour

P: Here's a hedgehog rock
D: 'Deliveroo is calling you'

D: Phil had my phone number on his
deliveroo account and then-

D: I was in Australia
P: And they were calling Australia

D: I was asleep at 4am and someone was
like 'y'alright mate got your salad'.

- Phil sent me a lot of memes.

Now, our job is to judge the quality of the

out of context meme pics that Phil sends me

P: I think my meme quality is quite high.

- My favourite tweet.
[reads tweet on screen]

- Just has such good energy!

P: Your receipt's in the bag.
D: You too.

P: [laughs] You're in the bag!

- That's just my humour.

D: Got 'em.

P: What is- AHH!
[dropped phone]

D: [laughs]

P: Oh, caught it between my legs!
Right in the slit.

D: The power of Phil's thighs.

D: Hey Phil,
P: What?

D: you smell nice today!
P: Oh, do I?

D: 'Cause you usually smell like [dog bark].
P: Thank God, because today's sponsor is Scentbird!

Scentbird, which is avaliable in the USA
and Canada is the perfect way to try a new

fragrance without buying a massive bottle
that's just going to sit on your shelf.

And there's a handy quiz you can take
on the website that can tell you what

kind of smell you should be going for.
And then you can choose your own scents,

which are sent out, they're scent out, in
these sexy bottles.

D: Sleek bottles.

P: Got a black one for Dan,
got a green one for me.

D: I went for an Issey Miyake scent,
'cause I'm a big fan.

P: Yeah?

D: And this is one called 'Nuit D'Issey',
which is their regular one but black.

- Spritz!
P: Ooh, here we go!

[sniff]

P: Oh that is very Dan!

- It's clean, and it's like "Hey,
who is this person in the restaurant?"

I went for something that I got on my quiz,
D: Yeah?

P: Which was 'Handsome Devil'.
D: Oh, for God's- really, Phil?

P: 'Cause I am a handsome devil!

D: "Finely curated for the handsome charmer,

the top tier bloke with good looks
and a [indistinct] for danger.

P: I think this is one that I'd use if I

was going to like a fancy night out
or something.

D: Smells! They can make you be the person
you wish you are and absolutely aren't!

P: Yes.
D: But you still get a girthy amount.

- Oh my god.
P: It's generous.

D: And this smells exactly like what
I think being in 'Call Me By Your Name' would be.

P: What, like a peach?
D: Sniff it. No, like a.. like a villa

- in South Europe. Not the peach.
P: Oh, yeah. Okay.

- If you wanna get some new smells in
your life, good smells, you can click the

link below! Use code 'AMAZINGPHIL55'
for 55% off which is a little over $7 for

your first month.

Which is like you might as well do it.
D: Not bad.

- And then we'll fix you up, you stinky bitch!
P: I'm a handsome devil!

- Thanks, Scentbird!

D: Context.
P: What is this?!

D: Yes

- daddies is it

P: side eye

- what are you eating

D: italiano

- cheese time

P: get a 9 cheese

D: Okay, food!
P: You gotta get

D: There's a restaurant in London called
Bone Daddies, okay?

P: I was there! I went to Bone Daddies.
D: He's eating a daddy. I'm on that italiano.

P: [laughs]
D: This is a beautiful moment right here.

- Hog, (sent with Slam Effect)
P: Hog, (sent with Gentle Effect)

D: nougat
P: Grobe

D: Oh [dog bark], we've got our first Reddit clip
P: Okay.

D: Dan,
P: What's it gonna be?

D: Sending a perfectly cut scream, here we go.

- Oh. Oh, he horny.
P: He's chasing her. Has she got the cookie?

[moose scream]

D&P: [laughs]

D: Firstly! You completely ruined that!
P: Sorry!

D: "Has she got the cookie?"
P: Like the ones in Japan!

- That's why they chase you.

D: Ohh,
P: That's what I'm talking about.

- And then they bow.

D: Dude, if I say "he horny" and then you
say "he's thinking has she got the cookie?"

P: You know what I mean! [laughs]

D: Let's just appreciate the scream again.

[moose scream]

P: R
D: tit

D&P: [laughing]

P: What's wrong with us?
D: That is a good-

P: Take our fingers away!
D: Just caps 'R'

- can you call

P: One-hundred percent Dan's in a taxi,
and wants me to talk to him. Everytime!

- The only time I speak to Dan on the phone
D&P: is when-

D: I need you to pretend to have a phone
call with me to get out of a situation

P: Yeah.

D: What Phil does is he starts having a
pretend conversation

P: [laughs] 'cause I can't do fake conversations!
D: I'm not on speaker! Phil will be like,

- "yeah, I'm tending to the hogs and
the y'know it's really, it's really purple today"

D: Phil, you don't need to have a fake conversation with me!
P: I do!

D: There are things to talk about!

P: If you want a fake phone call, I'm
gonna be like "Did Jane find the key?"

D: [laughs]

P: We found the Google emoji
combination app.

D: That was a good day.

P: Cowboy moon is the most cursed thing.
D: That is fucked up. Alien unicorn, that's weird.

- Mind blown hotdog, balloon fish.
P: These are very Dan and Phil.

D: Aww
P: That's us!

- That is us, in the hole.
D: Oh my god, that is so us.
P: I know!

- koala?
D: yes

P: show me that koalussy

P: There it is.
D: What a great photo!

P: That is amazing!

D: I was slaying with the tour aesthetic.

D: Look at me go there!

P: That koala is really gripping

P: onto your nip
D: Copping that- look at that fucking

D: thick furry butt. I was holding that

D: thing and I was just like mhm
P: I just want to eat it
D: God...

P: 'Tool'
D: 'teeth"

D: 'idk about this meeting today'

D: 'i just feel like a slim'
P: A slim?

D: ' i cancelled'

P: A slime
D: A slime-Yeeeees

P: There was a slime. See! [snaps fingers]
D: I feel- ughhh

D: Oh my god, what?

P: 'ok! watching borderland now there is a
D: [laughing]

P: new character who is very distracting'

P: This-
D: What is that hunky man ass?

P: This man is naked for

P: two whole episodes
D: Maybe I should watch it.

P: 'Borg'
D: 'beB'

P: This is the most unhinged we've been so
D: [laughing]

P: far. We need to speed some time apart

D: The capital B at the end of 'beB'...
P: [laughing]

D: That was a good one!

D: 'bro i am so tired'
P: 'brozone layer' [laughs]

D: 'dehydrussy'

P: I'm wasted on you with these texts

P: Brozone layer?
D: You need to be funnier like this

D: on twitter. Come on
P: Come on!

P: It's Danny with a spicy cock!
D: Just me. Just enjoying myself.

P: That's 'Dan doesn't want to be on

P: social media, but he is in the moment'
D: Yeah, I don't want to be perceived.

D: Let me live.

P: 'Hog'
D: Yeah

P: 'B'
D: Mhm

P: 'LOEWE x Howl's Moving Castle
D: [laughing]

P: Why are you ignoring me? That's 3 days

P: without a text.

D: What is that?!
P: Oof

D: Oh shit- okay, the "Apprentice" guy

D: [laughs]
P: That is- we use him as a reaction

P: so much.
D: That was actually mid.

P: It looks like mashed potato with some

P: kind of cream on top.
D: Oh god.

D: 'gonna get my nails done in helsinki'

D: 'what should i do'
P: 'nailsinki'

P: 'Maybe gradients and then a flame on

P: on your middle finger'

P: I should be a "nail salonist."

D: 'funny middle finger idea'
P: "Nailest"

P: "A nailer?"

P: What are they called?
D: Phil is gonna nail you.

P: "Nailtician"
D: #NailByPhil

D: I went for marble. The tour colors.
P: I liked it.

P: They looked a little bit moldy though.

P: Just being honest.

D: Oh, now it comes out.
P: It was the color! It was the color mix!

D: That was on me for months!

P: I know, I didn't want to say

P: It was too late.

P: 'texting to remove the butt from the

P: top of the window'
D: Oh [laughs]

P: '3, 2, 1'

D: Why did you text me an ass-
P: I don't-

D: You seem to have deleted the ass from

D: the chat, Phil.

D: Whose tracks are you trying to cover?
P: There must have been a specific ass.

P: I don't know whose ass, but I wanted

P: to show you... [laughs]

D: Sus.
P: Anyway, it was not mine.

D: 'turkish cardamom coffee'

D: 'tastes a bit like soil but nice'
P: 'I'm soiled'

P: I didn't get-

P: I did not care about that coffee.

D: 'on plane to finland'
P: 'winland'

D: 'morgen'

D: 'it sno'

P: Snow

D: It was cold as [dog bark].

P: Look at that! You could've built a
snow-dan

D: 'Turns out that my pastry
had pepper on it.'

P: D'you know-
D: Sweden... not even once

P: This was such a weird coincidence,
'cause I went to Sweden on my own,

and I went to the same café Dan went to,
ten years later and got the same pepper pastry.

P: I ordered a cinnamon pastry thinking
it was gonna be sweet and delicious

but it turns out, it's pepper! [laughs]

It tastes like someone's
played a prank on us.

P: They are not chocolate chips!
D: I'm a bit of a gravely, bitter guy-

P: You are.
D: I got into it.

P: Okay-
D: You did not get into it.

P: I didn't.

[dramatic sound]

D: Oh look, it's my mould nail.
P: I feel bad for whoever did it,

it was- it was an attempt
D: Oh. Oh, [dog bark] yeah.

P: Ohh-
D: That's what we're talking about

P: That is a long nose.

D: 'snôtë'

D: Stag.
P: Hippo.

D: 'how are builders'

P: 'there are 3 and are silently working upstairs

but im too scared to go up so im looking at
things i can eat without a fork'

D: [indistinct] Phil's kitchen is being
held hostage.

P: It was.

D: Oh god.
P: Oh.

D: [laughs]

P: That was Dan FaceTiming me and
doing an hour long presentation about all

the stuff we had to do in Elden Ring.

P: Can I just say-
D: [sings] Get a lifeeee

D: [normal voice] What?
P: Beat Malenia first time.

D: She took eleven moons to the face, she
didn't know what was coming.

P: Why did I this picture of you, to you?
D: 'I literally thought that was a picture of Wilbur Soot okay'

P: It does look like him!
That's Dan in my glasses.

D: That is disturbing.
P: 'lmao hes just sat with me'

D: I have a completely different energy
with glasses.

P: Yeah.
D: Kinda like a- an air of intellectualism

that I don't have.

P: You- you cannot pull it off.

P: Oh my god.
D: Oh [dog bark] hell.

P: He's got the nips out.
D: Okay firstly, I'm clearly showing side ass

there, that's quite [indistinct]
P: [laughs]

D: 'think the shower was a little too hot
have i actually burned myself and need

hospital or will i be fine'
P: 'Wtf'

D: 'yes sudden lava'
P: 'how does it feel now'

D: 'ouchy tingly'

D: I was in some hotel in Frankfurt, I turned
on the shower, and it literally came on

boiling as I was under the shower.
P: That's insane- that's like, burns.

D: And you phoned your mum,
P: Yes.

D: Who was a nurse.
P: She was.

D: And was like, "Dan is in Germany and he's
burnt himself in the shower."

D: Making me sound like the most pathetic
child, like "Phil's mummy what do I do?"

D: "Ouchy tingly."
P: To be fair, it's so red and you're like,

P: "I can't feel the skin."

D: Phil's mum advice was "You need to turn
the water as cold as possible,

and stand in it for as long as possible,
because that's what you can do."

D: So, I stood butt ass naked in a freezing
shower for about 37 minutes.

P: My mum was just pranking you, that's not even what you're meant to do.
D: And I know some people are like

D: "Oh I wake up everyday with a cold shower."
P: [laughs]

D: [dog bark] off! But hey, my skin didn't um
balloon and explode so thanks.

P: You've only got one nipple now but it
works for you

P: "I'm programmed to wake up at 8:47 now
in case a builder arrives"

D: That's fu- 'horrifying'
'that decorator looked like a popstar'

P: Dan saw him on the Ring doorbell,
"Who the hell is coming to the house?"

D: "Who's this twink, Phil??"

P: [laughs] he could wake me up at 8:47 anytime'

P: 'it was actually horrible, he was so
smiley and called me phil all the time'

D: Oh!

P: Oh, don't say my name! I'm not
worthy of that out of your mouth!

D: [imitating the builder] "Ya alright there, Phil?"
P: Ugh.

D: "Hey, Phil. Ya got any pipes I need to see dude?" [snorts]
P: Ughh

D: 'hoge'
P: 'how was the show'

D: 'absolutely unhinged'

D: 'people were screaming [quack] at me.'
'they instantly boo'd the queen when she appeared'

D: 'someone threw a drink
and a bouquet of flowers'

P: 'omg'
D: 'It was amazing'

P: 'well done Ireland'

D: That was in Dublin, which after doing
70 shows, I think it was probably the best

D: show that I did in the whole tour.
P: Was it? I mean, you love them all.

D: Oh, I love everybody but Irish people
are [dog bark] unhinged in the best way possible.

D: And I will never forget that.

D: 'he dropped it'
P: No'

D: 'yes'
P: 'what happens now'

D: 'open the door'
P: Oh my god, right okay this is extra.

P: We Deliveroo'd an entire roast dinner,
because the one at the pub near by is not that good.

D: No.
P: And we were like, we just want a good roast dinner.

D: I craved it!
P: So, we found one on Deliveroo,

P: And the delivery driver dropped the
entire thing on the drive.

D: And guys, if it was just the tatties,
it'd be fine. But the gravy. The gravy explosion.

D: The ground is still brown from where
parts of this deep red wine jus had soaked into the Earth.

D: And I was like, "My dreams are shattered."
P: I looked out the window, and there was just

P: Some Yorkshire Pudding rolling down the road.
D: [laughs]

P: 'we can't post that there's too much crack'
D: [laughs] 'can you photoshop it'
P: "i'll move the flame"

P: I mean, if you don't know what this is referencing to-
D: Keep your mind pure.

P: Just relax.
D: JUMPSCARE! Yep, we posted that.

P: It, it's, it didn't.
D: There was just way too much crack,

D: It was like direct, violent crack.
P: It was too much crack. I had to photoshop that crack.

D: So Phil increased the size of the flame-
P: Yes-

D: To hide the crack.
P: I did.

P: 'is a 'linkup' like always sex or can it
just be meeting up as a friend'

D: 'think u should just avoid generally'

P: That was when I posted this tweet about Ariana Grande.
D: Yeah, you don't wanna be like "I [dog bark] Ariana Grande."

P: No, I didn't, I just wanted to make sure.
D: Yeah you wrapped her up like a Christmas Tree.
P: I did.

P: Lotus Biscoff cookie. 'hanging out with rob tomorrow'
D: 'what the [dog bark] is that'

P: It's delicious.
D: Was it as good as it looked?

P: No, these things they always look better than they are.
D: You just fully spat on my face..

P: Did I? I'm sorry. SeaWorld.
D: It went in my eye.

P: Oh no, you're going to get eye-yngitis.

P: 'let me know if you're harrowed
and less hyped for fries by the way'

D: 'i am not harrowed, i've just had a waffle
10 am and some hummus at 5'

D: 'is it too late for you or are you hyped'
P: "I'm hyped m8"

D: Saturday fries, it's a sacred event.
P: It's very important.

D: 'begin toast'
P: WAT

D: 'let me know when you're returning'
P: 'Slow. Waiting for hygren'

D: 'you did dent first'
P: 'Ya'

D: 'how queer'
P: 'She was [dog bark]'

D: [laughing] Don't let your hygienist watch this YouTube video!

P: Why was I saying that?
D: Phil, why was your hygienist [dog bark]?

P: Because my mouth was bleeding so much,
I've never been in so much pain. I was the one

P: That was [dog bark] 'cause I've not flossed.

D: And she's like, "I'll floss for you." [violin screech sfx]

P: Yeah I was like, "Which teeth should I be flossing?"
And she said, "The ones that you don't want to fall out."

P: I was like, oh.. oh great.

P: Death Note: The Musical?
D: 'the musical, i'm good'

P: I regret- I regret not going to that!
D: I was being a hater. I judged that on paper,

D: And people said it was actually amazing.
P: Yeah.

D: Should've done it.

P: Salty popcorn 10 litre bucket??
D: That's just sowing the seed.

P: Yeah.
D: Ok. I like where that's going.

P: 'hog'
D: 'hogan'

D: 'i am considering using a trouser press'
'how are you'

P: 'gl'

P: A trouser press?
D: Ooh.

P: 'how is the fest'
D: 'fancy'

P: 'swag'
D: I went to see an opera. Didn't understand it.

P: What is that?
D: That's an angel, what'd you think it is?

P: I thought it was like the backside of a moose. [laughs]

D: Oh my god! There it is!
P: It came, it came!

D: '[dog bark]'
P: 'something to live for'

D: It tasted good, we [indistinct]
smashed that [dog bark]

P: There's another brand that just puts
hot guys on the side of the popcorn as well.

D: For some reason, they're tryin' to-
P: What's happening?

D: Advertise it like it's a healthy snack
for gym bros. They keep putting massive

D: Muscle guys on the bucket.
Like "muscle-corn"

P: Who, what is this-
D: It's a kink thing.

P: What is this niche?
D: I want his protein,

P: Stop.
D: All over my kernels.

P: Stop it. 'snail is on a mission'
D: 'gosh places to be'
P: 'pēt' [laughs]

D: What the [dog bark]?
P: That was me papping you at Universal [laughs]

D: With my little, uh, Parisian twink t-shirt
and the Snoopy ears. That's a look.
P: Yes.

D: Imagine me trotting around a theme park,
6 foot 3-

P: Theme pak?
D: PAK.

P: Theme PAK.
D: [babbles indistinctly]

P: 'happy birthday Dan, #furryartwork' [laughs]
D: '#HappyBirthdayDan, #furryartwork'

P: The combination of the two.

P: Oh my god, this is the most

P: "Dan and Phil"

P: 'lovegame lady gaga voice'

P: 'let's have some fun, i've got no coat'

D: 'I want to take a ride on the

D: Lapras boat' [laughs]

P: It's perfect.

D: You need to understand! Me and Phil

D: used to play a karaoke game called

D: "Lips"
P: Yes

D: and 'Love Game' Lady Gage was the most
played song we did

D: so that song is one of our most played

D: songs of all time for some [dog bark]
P: It is!

D: reason
P: You know, I think I'm in the top 20

P: people that have ever sang the song of

P: that game.
D: And this tweet comes out of the ether-

D: Do you ever feel like something is so

D: niche and it was just made for you?
P: It was made for us.

D: That was for us.

D: You want to know who Dan and Phil are?

D: That tweet.

D: 'where was my birthday omatone'

P: Dan asked for one thing for his

P: birthday, I forgot to get it for him.

P: Um... 'Christmas omatone'???

D: 'i want it now im getting one'
P: 'Ok'

D: I said I want one thing from you for my

D: birthday. I want an omatone and you

D: didn't get it for me
P: I forgot. I forgot!

D: so I got it for myself.

D: Give me a song.

P: Um.
D: Any song in the world.

P: 'Bring Me To Life'

P: Wake me up [in deep voice]
D: [squeaks otamatone in beat of song]

P: I can't wake up [in deep voice]
D: [squeaks otamatone in beat of song]

P: Save meee
D: [squeaks otamatone]

P: Wake me-
D&P: [laugh]

P: [claps]

P: [attempts to play the otamatone]
D: Is that 'The Simpsons' theme tune?

D: Is that 'The Simpsons' theme tune?
P: Yes!

D: That was the worst [dog bark] I have

D: I've ever heard in my li-
P: I'm a famous musician!

D: [plays Wah Wah Wah on otamatone]

D: Oooo
P: What were we doing?

D: I think we discovered that on iMessage

D: you can access this world of stickers
P: Yeah.

D: of [dog bark] up chaotic crap.
P: Who's ever going to text their friend

P: saying "It's all happening on eBay"

D: Oh my god, why does eBay have a sticker
P: Why?

D: pack?! [screaming]
P: You don't need one!

D: Brand, you don't need a freaking

D: sticker.

P: 'Boff'
D: 'boat'

P: Mhm.

P: 'remember how they changed Peter's face

P: in the Spider-man mid game?'
D: This actually annoyed me because I got

D: very emotionally attached parasocially

D: to the face of Spider-Man in that first
P: Dan! Dan!

D: game and then they made him more
P: Dan! But look...look!

D: Tom "Hollandy"
P: Look! Look! Look!

D: Oh my god, it's the 'Good Doctor'
D&P: [laugh]

P: "I'm a surgeon!"

P: Sorry...
D: Oh, for fuck sake, I don't-

D: Oh my god...
P: I mean... at a glance...

D: That guy was amazing in 'Bates Motel'
P: Yes!

D: 'What happened to him?'
P: 'I don't know'

D&P: [laugh]

P: It's not even funny.

D: 'lo it victim oh xynxco i [gibberish]

P: What is happening?

D: 'down your [dog bark] beer'
P: [laughs]

P: What?! What does that mean?
D: What was that?

P: I didn't even reply.
D: Do you remember?

P: No, it was 5 o'clock.

D: 'i am done'

D: 'if you want to consider

D: (other) options'

P: 'How are you already done'
D: 'slovenian guy had to move his car'

D: So, that looks like I'm burying a body.
P: Yeah. Wha-

D: That sounds like a crime.
P: What is going on?

D: Why are we being so aloof?

P: 'you are not ready for my STORY'
[shock effect]

P: 'i am being tested by god'
D: [laughs]

P: It was the mouse!
D: It was the mouse incident!

P: He lives in the barbecue now.

P: 'Morp' [laughs] He's a sad octopus!
D: We're gonna get locked up for this.

P: 'Bidoof'
D: 'tit'

D: 'what genré' 'do you know what GENRÉ is'

P: That means, "What are we having for dinner?"
D: Yeah

D&P: What genré-
D: of food (P: JON) are we gonna have this evening

P: Of dinner.
D: Through the triggering memory of Phil

D: being roasted by- I was about to say Anne
Frank- what's she called?

P: Anne Robinson
D&P: [laughing]

P: Not Anne Frank.

(Anne Robinson: What's the main genré?)
(Phil: Uh..)

(Anne Robinson: Do you know what genré is?)
(Phil: Yeah.)

D&P: Ooh!
D: Here we go!

P: Scripts!
D: What version should we do?

D: 'DanAndPhilGAMES is BACK FROM THE DEAD (short)'
'DanAndPhilGAMES is BACK FROM THE DEAD'

D: or 'DanAndPhilGAMES is BACK FROM THE DEAD,
in brackets (less mean)'

P: We definitely went for the short one
D: There were multiple versions

P: Dan wrote one that was like 8 minutes long
D: I wrote [laughs] one that was like a long

D: Interpretive dance piece
P: This was a whole movie

D: Like, twelve extras dressed as video game characters

P: Dan was like, "Phil pulls up in a limousine,"
I was like Dan we can't rent a limousine

D: I was like, "Dan looking like Emma Roberts
comes out of a thing, there's a concierge-

D: With an umbrella-"
P: Yeah.

D: "You see the high heel hit a puddle." and
Phil was like, "No."