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Episode 7: "Lucrecia and Mr. Camerino"
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- Dear sis-in-law!
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Why are you always hanging out here?
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You don't work or what?
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- That's why I have my own business
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So that I have free time to come and humiliate you
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- For the first time ever, I'm glad to see you
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I have some good news for you!
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- You have an incurable disease!
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- Shut up and listen to this:
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Have you ever dreamed of having a man to make you happy?
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Have you ever dreamed of having a man
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to get you all you wish
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- Was I talking while asleep again?
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- Federica! I'm talking to your sister!
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- Get to the point, Ludovico.
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- Lucrecia, I found a lover for you!
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- Thanks, but I can get all the men I want by myself
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- Yes, but this would be the first one
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ever that you don't have to get drunk
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- Who's the lucky one, dad?
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- We all are the lucky ones:
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we're getting rid of her
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Besides, his date is going to be Mr. Camerino
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- Mr. Camerino??!! Your boss?!
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- The millionaire man, president of P.Lush Industries?
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-And who owns half of this city?
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- How did you get him a date with Lucrecia?
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- Today I went into his office
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and I overheard that he was looking for a wife
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-Hello? Is this the house of Madame Giselle?
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-How are you, Madam?
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Yes, I need one of your girls to have a good time tonight
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- Well, I need a girl that drives me crazy
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- That beats me up and dominates me
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- I think he's looking for a wife
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-Yes! Even if I have to pay a fortune!
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-He's definitely looking for a wife
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Then I realized that he couldn't find a date
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- All your girls are busy tonight?
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And when he described the type of woman
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he was looking for
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I thought of your aunt Lucrecia right away!
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-Ludovico, I need one of those girls that...
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you know...that can do anything for money
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Do you understand what I mean?
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-Of course, I can introduce you to my sister-in-law
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-I can't believe you said good things about my sister to Mr. Camerino
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You're such a nice man
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- I said nothing but the truth
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-No, no, there must be a trick in all this
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Ludovico would never do anything good for me
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-Lucrecia, you are offending me!
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True, we have had issues
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But do you really think I would be capable of denying you
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the chance to find happiness?
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The chance to find love?
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The chance for me to be related to that millionaire?
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- Does he remember he met me
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that day of the bomb in the toilet?
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-Of course I remember her
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But I can't believe she's that type of girl
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She looked so distinguished
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-She distinguishes herself for making my life miserable!
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Besides, he was looking for an educated woman
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that knows several languages
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Just like Lucrecia
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-Is she good with French?
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-She dominates that language to perfection
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And with Polish, too!
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-What about Russian?
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-She's good, as long as she has some vodka
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-Wow, I imagine she's doing quite well
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-Of course. She even has her own business!
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-She really knows how to get by
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I'm sure of that myself
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- You're sure?
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What does your wife think about that?
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-Nothing.
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Well, she gets a little jealous wishing she was in her place
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But as my sis-in-law always says: you get used to it in the long run
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- Did you tell him that my aunt runs charities shows
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and that she helps at retirement homes, too?
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-Yes, Lucrecia has been helping so much those who need it the most for many years
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That keeps her very satisfied
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-I can just imagine!
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-She doesn't discriminate anyone:
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she works with kids, prisoners, seniors...
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-With seniors?!
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-Yes, she goes visit them at their senior house
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and helps them do manual works
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The more I told him about her
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the more he wanted to go on a date with her
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-So when are you introducing them?
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-Tonight! He's arriving soon
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-Listen! This better not be one of your jokes
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-Trust me.
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I assure you you'll have an unforgettable night
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-Stop! You're making me nervous!
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- Calm down, just remember who you are
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- A spinster...
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-Shut up!
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You're a successful businesswoman
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-Yes, a woman that has sacrificed her personal life
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for professional success!
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- A great woman!
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- A...a...a...
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- A spinster...
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- My daughter, calm down
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Don't think that he's the man you'll marry
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or the one you'll be forever with
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But rather think of him as the man that you divorce anytime
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and get half of his fortune!
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- Is that what you were thinking when you married me?
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-No, I don't know what I was thinking about
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when I married you
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- I need to retouch
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-Don't worry, he will re-touch you!
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-Who would've thought that woman was one of those women
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-I'm sure this is a brothel! It's very fishy!
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- Are you here to see my aunt?
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- I think this is a family business!
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- Don't just stand there!
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Son, take care of this man while your aunt gets ready
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- But he's just a child!
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-Yes, but my daughter is doing her homework
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-Come, come in, please.
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Mr. Camerino, this is my family
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-Ludovico tells me that you have been very supportive
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of Lucrecia's business
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- Yes, she learned it from my wife
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- So you too...?!
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- Of course. But don't be modest, Lauro,
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She's learned quite a bit from you, too
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- You don't say!
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- Yes, that's because my dad has very good relations
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with the most important men in P.Lush City
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- What do you mean?
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- I've always been behind them
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Inserting my...advices in their head
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- So, it all runs in the family?
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- Yes, I also like the relations area!
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- You want to be like your aunt, too?
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- Yes, but I want to specialize in international relations
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- Kid! How can you say that?!
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-He's right, you're always trying to stand out
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- She's the weird one, right?
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- Why can't you be a normal girl?
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- I...I always wanted to be like my sister
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She likes to please everyone, she's generous
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She's so open!
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- I'm sure about that
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-Camerino!
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-Lucrecia, you look so ravishing!
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- Let me help you
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- Help??!!
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Do I look like I need a man's help?!
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Do I have a sign in my face that reads: "I need help from a man"?
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- Do you really think that underneath this successful woman
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there's a weak woman that's afraid of becoming a spinster?!
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-She loves to crack jokes!
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- She does that all the time, right?
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Seat down, please, sit down.
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- You saw that?
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He's just like all men I have met
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- That's not true.
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He has not left running from here yet
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So you'd better don't scare him away!
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- So, what are you doing tonight?
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- Whatever he feels like doing
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- See? I told you she loves pleasing
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- We don't need to decide now in front of the kids
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- Why not?
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Come on! Don't be shy
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- Ludovico, that's inappropriate!
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- But why wait if you can decide now?
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- you really want me to decide now?
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- What is going on?
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- I'm a little sore, a little irritated
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in the lower area
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- Yes, she's been limping all day
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- All day?!
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- Would you like some vodka?
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- No, thanks
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- I feel fine now.
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- Can I talk to you, Ludovico?
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- Yes, yes.
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- I bet he's upset
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- But why? What's wrong with getting hurt while playing tennis?
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- Don't try to understand men
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It's useless
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- Lucrecia is an exceptional woman
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Intelligent, sophisticated, beautiful
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She's the woman of my dreams
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- She is?
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- Too bad she's a "public woman"
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- A "public woman"??
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- Yes, that's the common term
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- They're also known as "who...le women"
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- Mr. Camerino! So you thought that...
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- that Miss Lucrecia is one of those women!
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- What makes you say such a thing?
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- Her parents said so
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- You are in big trouble
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- I'm sure
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- What a good joke
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- I can't stand jokes!
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Ludovico knows that very well
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- Of course Excelsa! How can you think that...
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- It's getting late and she's waiting
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- Wait, wait
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- You don't know her.
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You don't know what she's capable of
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- No, but I'll be paying to find out
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- Honey, you have no idea how happy I am
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- She has so much to give
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- Mr. Camerino thinks so, too
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- I'm so excited
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How do you think this will go?
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- I think he'll buy her a pussycat
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- Really? That's so romantic!
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- Yes, he'll stroke the cat first
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and then he'll stroke the...
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- What are you still doing here?
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- I'm coming! Don't rush me!
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- Federica, You're going to kill me
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Your sister cannot go out with Mr. Camerino
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-You're right.
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If my sister does't go out with him
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I'm going to kill you
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- Listen, I don't know how to explain this.
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There was a...a... - A misunderstanding
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- Mr. Camerino thinks she's a... a....
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- An easy woman
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So we can't let them go out
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- What!
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- Ludovico you're such a...such a...
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- Such an idiot
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Such an idiot! That's what you are!
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-Excelsa, were you aware of all this?
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- No ma'am, I never meddle in you affairs
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- What was that?
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- They left! They left!
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- Why did you let them leave?
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- Ludovico, you have no idea how much I appreciate
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what you did tonight for my daughter
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- You really have NOTHING to thank me for
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- That's true, Ms. Francisca
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- Excelsa! Please!
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- Did they say where they were going?
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- Yes, he said he wanted to take my aunt to the moon
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- That's so romantic
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- To the moon??
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- Motel "The Moon"
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- Let me go, let me go!
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- Just because I am a successful woman
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- although emotionally unsatisfied-
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you think you can treat me like an easy woman??
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Is that what you want? Speak! Is that what you want??
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- Yeees!
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That's what I want!
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- I love men that know what they want!
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- Who could it be?
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- Must be the cleaning service
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- Ma'am, we're police officers
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We're working on ending the oldest profession of the world
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- So you're not here for the service?
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- How dare you offer your services!
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You are under arrest!
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-What kind of sick joke is this?
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- You will pay for this
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- Hold on, I'm the one paying here
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That's why I hired you
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- Hired me? You think I'm an easy, cheap woman??
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- Not at all, I was going to pay you very well
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- Enough!
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- Did you solicit her services?
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- No, her brother-in-law did
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- I can't believe this. Ludovico!
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Officer, I had no idea what this was about
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- You all say the same thing always
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Take her
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- Let go of me!
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You don't know what I'm capable of!
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- I really wanted to find that out
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- Really?
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- Who are you?
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- They're in charge of my safety
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- Here you go, sir. Now you're safe
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- Take him, too
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- Don't touch me!
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You have no idea what I can do when I'm touched
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- I really wanted to find that out
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- Let go of my sister right now!
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This dumb ass is responsible for this!
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- you'll pay for this, Ludovico!
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- Lucrecia, stop!
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My turn!
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- No! Stop! Stop!
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- Okay.
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- Enough! Stop!
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It's my turn!
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- Enough! Let him talk
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- Explain yourself!
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- Go on, go on
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- Hold on!
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- Mr. Camerino, Lucrecia, officers
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I am responsible for all this
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- This guy looks very familiar
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I think he's Lennon
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- That was of the Beatles, no?
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- Don't be a smart ass
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- Don't worry, he would never be that smart
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- Let me talk: sis-in-law
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I accidentally made him believe
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that you were a prostitute
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But I want you to know that for some strange and sick reason
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he thinks you're a wonderful woman
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-Really?
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- Yes, you're intelligent and sophisticated
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You're the perfect woman
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- And you expect me to forgive this humiliation??
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You think I'm desperate to find a man?
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You think I'll forgive you just because
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you invite me to a romantic dinner next Friday
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at the best restaurant
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and then have a drink at your apartment??
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- Ludovido, you must help me find a way
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to get her forgiveness
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- I won't promise you anything
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but there might be a way
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I'll talk to you at the office tomorrow. Trust me
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- What a woman! What a woman!
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- I remember now, yo were arrested during a raid at a stripping club
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2 years ago
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- You're confusing me!
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- Not at all
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Look, I even have a picture we took with the girls
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It's you back there
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- You're confused
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- It's you!
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- See the date? It was 2 years ago
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- That's why I say you're confusing me!
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I thought that was 3 years ago
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- You shameless
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Wait 'till we get home
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- You can go now
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- No, please take me to jail
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I prefer to be tortured than the conversation expecting me at home!
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- You will pay for this, you insect!
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- That's right, he deserves it
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- Ungrateful!
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I got you your best date in years
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- Date?
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She was brought to a hotel
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She was treated like an easy woman
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and she was this close to be taken to jail
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Is that a date for you?
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- Well, in high school that was date for you, sis
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- Is that so, huh?!
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You filthy!
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A stripping club, huh? You shameless!
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- I can explain that!
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- I explained that high school thing
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Now you explain that thing about that teacher
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- no, you explain who you danced with in your elementary school's graduation party
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- I just did it. Now you explain
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who you played "the doctor's office" with in KinderGarden
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- No, you tell me why in KinderGarden you were
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always punished for showing your undies to the boys
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- I just did. Now you explain why at the maternity section
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you were nursed by the nurses and not by your mom
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- Because when she saw you, the milk didn't come out
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- Now you explain that thing about that doctor that spanked you
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- I had just been born, you idiot!
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- He did it so I would cry
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- I'm sure you cried out of happiness!
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You filthy
