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AfterLife Insurance - Foil Arms and Hog

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    Hello Afterlife Insurance
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    Yeah, I would like to get a quote for Afterlife insurance, please.
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    Sure, this is the Catholic division, we'll just ask you a few questions and I'll get you a quote.
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    How many times have you been to mass in the last year?
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    Four.
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    Funerals don't count.
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    What about Christmas Day, I was definitely there on Christmas Day.
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    Every eejit goes on Christmas Day.
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    New Christmas clothes,
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    You don't know when to kneel,
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    You don't know when to stand.
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    The kneeling's confusing.
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    How many times per day would you say you pray to Jesus?
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    The following don't count:
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    Jesus, I'd murder a sandwich.
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    Holy Christ, it's raining again.
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    Good God, would you give us a break, woman?
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    Your quote is...
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    467 Hail Mary's,
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    285 Our Father's,
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    And 88 trips to mass.
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    That's gone up since last year!
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    Yes, but you did have an affair.
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    Oh, that again.
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    27 500 lies?
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    When I mentioned it it was 78-
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    36 counts of theft?
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    Theft?
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    Supermarket tasters.
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    They're free!
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    More than two is stealing.
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    Thirty-six "borrowings" from the Trócaire box?
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    That's my money!
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    And zero trips to Lourdes.
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    I went to Knock!
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    Cheap connecting flight?
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    My no claims bonus.
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    Your no claims bonus is... zero years.
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    'Scuse me?
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    Your Granny was sick and you asked for help and prayed?
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    Ye.
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    You know what? I rang the Mormons,
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    And they offered me a much better deal.
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    Did they offer you marital breakdown assistance?
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    They just said: "Get a new one!"
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    Typical.
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    The Protestants:
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    They offered me divorce, bake sales, comfy church pews. With cushions!
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    We believe that cold heart church pews are a certain path to the Afterlife!
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    Ye. It gives you piles!
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    The only one who was more expensive than you,
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    Was the Scientologists.
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    250 grand cash upfront.
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    You know wha?
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    You're all in it together, you're all cartelling and
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    Pushing up your prices, that's what you're doin'!
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    So I take it you don't want any Afterlife insurance?
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    Ye, I'm young, I'm healthy!
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    I'll take the risk!
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    You'd rather be an atheist?
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    Ye.
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    Okay, well I sure hope you're never in an accident.
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    *sinister organ music*
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    *outro music*
Title:
AfterLife Insurance - Foil Arms and Hog
Description:
more » « less
Video Language:
English
Team:
Foil Arms and Hog Official Subtitling Legends
Duration:
01:44

English subtitles

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