A Day at the Park (MILLION SUBSCRIBER SPECIAL!)

Good morning sweetie.

Ready for momma to chaperone you
on your first school field trip?

Fuck!

We're 4 hours late for this goddamn bullshit.

Samantha wake up!

We're leaving in negative 6 minutes.

Wake up your fucking sister.

Hurry up! We're losing time.

Where the hell is my rash ointment!

Fuck it mama's gonna itch.

I'm gonna need a pr-

Samantha.

We're leaving in 3 seconds.

The shower's gonna have to be PTA.

Pits. Tits. Ass.

I need cum.

Let's go! Let's go!

No time for Caillou!

No time for seatbelts!

Hold on!

Momma's gonna gas this thing.

Get ready to go through time!

Can i get an ice cream when we get there?

Dad, what are you doing here?

I've been locked in here since last friday.

Yeah yeah yeah yeah that's great.

Look there's that hippiefuck
i was telling you about.

Hello, welcome to the park.

Thank you for bringing your fucking kids.

Alright we're here.

What?

Alright Timmy go play with your friends.

Don't touch me! Go play with your friends.

I'm still here!

Ah fuck.

Good morning Donna!

You look very mature today.

Well hi Kathy.

Look at you. Out of the house by noon.

I'm out here having a dansy picnic
with my roomate Donna.

I need more coke.

We packed Pepsi.

Right here trying to celebrate
her breakthrough role

as a butt pimple commercial spokesperson.

Hemorrhoids used to control my life.

But thanks to Anisol,
i've turned my hemorrhoids into hope.

Now my asshole doesn't look
a day over five.

Ask your doctor if Anisol is right for you.

Side effects may include dizziness,
larger hemorrhoids, and obscene blood farting.

I do have my share of talents as well.

In my off time i like to make
inspirational postcards for young disableds.

This one says
"My syndrome may be down but my hopes are up"

"I am handicapable of math."

I really am.

This is a Saratoga Nettle.

They're extremely nutritious.

(vomits)

I was incorrect.

My name is Elmer.

I've been park ranger for a month.

Excuse me Filipino man
please do that in the bathroom.

I like working in the outdoors.

Not because i'm Mexican.

But because i'm native American.

Now i'm stuck.

Aren't these tress beautiful.

They're the oldest living beings in this park.

Oopsie.

I was wrong.

Please i need you to help me find my family
or i might never make it back to civilization.

As park ranger it is my responsibility and honor.

It'll also give me ample time to fill you
in the 31 dangers of styrofoam.

Number one.

Oh fuck that.

Stop running.

You. In the slutty outfit.

You're not getting pregnant on my jungle gym.

You know i'm surprised they let me be
field trip supervisor after passing out last time.

Which one of you dicktwitches dyed my hair?

I'm gonna go back to sleep
when i wake up i want this fixed.

Goddammit.

Now i never take my eyes off the children.

Not even to go to the bathroom.

This is unsanitary.

I have a technique.

I let out only a little bit.

I let it absorb. Let that evaporate.
Start back at square one.

I found the fourthgraders.

They're inside each other.

I need pills.

I drink to forget but i always remember.

No running you piece of shit.

I'll run as much as i want to.

Running is a good way to clear up
last night bad choices.

I had cheese cake.

I'm just lovin' life.

Help! I'm under attack by a lesbian.

I have decided to spend 4 days in the wilderness
to help focus on my creative concentration.

Hurry up with my concentration camp.

Working for a blind fashion designer fuckin' blows.

His latest line of braille clothing

really cost us a pretty penny in sexual harassment suits

So we convince him to go to Cancun for a few days
just to get him off the office.

Welcome aboard.
Our nonstop flight to Cancun will be 15 minutes.

This flight must've cost a fortune.

At least we're not traveling with any

poor people though, am I right?

Hahah!

Oopsie daisy!

I don't think this is a bathroom!

High five.

I don't feel creative yet.

You two are the best Asian employees i've ever hired.

What's wrong with Asian you asshole?

Hey babe uh, where you been?

You left me at a goddamn McDonald's.

I wasn't loving it!

Yeah i think haven't been going too well
with me and my girlfriend.

Obviously we can't be nice towards eachother

But, we can fake it.

So i hired an acting coach to

help us save our relationship

Fuck!

Help me!

I'd like to start out with some acting excercise.

You told me there would be no exerciseeee!

Babe calm down. This guy costs us 200 dollars.

WHAT THE FUUUUCK!

No i'm not worth 200.

I thought he was batshit crazy
when he offered me that much.

But then i saw his transexual Asian girlfriend with parkinsons.

And it all became so clear.

He's retarded.

Babe, this is my boss.

Stop being blind it's bad for your eyes!

I'm so sorry i did not realise you were gay.

I've made so many jokes.

Eat my sweat!

Look fella, I don't swing that way

Despite my perfect body.

I hope nobody chases me!

Help! A gland has exploded.

Finally. I am alone.

Move!

Be careful you almost hit that lesbian.

We're here.

Usually company picnics excite me.

He-HELP!

Things just haven't been the same for me
ever since my assistant left me for another assistant.

My ass is his now.

Not Diesel!

They keep following me around antagonizing me.

Haaah haa!

Haaaaaaaa!!!

Hello?

Is your refrigerator running?

Yes of course. Why?

You're gay!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Let me tell you.
These assistants have been persistent.

Ah my feelings!

Gay boy.

How's Grindr been?

Let's get outta here.

We gotta get outta here.

Everyone been asking about you Damien.

They can keep asking! That family done cast me out Dorian!

Only because you think you're straight.

I am straight.

Well you can tell that to mom, and mom, and our doner dad

and his transexual partner pal and their mystery dog.

Dorian.

No Damien. You're the only breeder in our family
which means it's a mental illness.

I was born this way.

as my brother i figured you'd be accepting to me.

They have gay camps that can fix you now Damien.

Those don't work.

(loud birdlike screeching)

Good God that's famed Euro fashion designer Jurgen.

Ya that's my boss.

I wish mine was this cool.

And that's why you should now start saving for christmas.

Yeah fuck you and fuck christmas!

Oh eat my cripled ass!

Last week i told my assistant.

Donovan, arrange for me to host the company picnic
for a top performing branch this month.

I got these assholes.

Jimmy, you're within 20 feet of children.

Where's your shirt?

Please don't make me wear it.

Who has the number to his parole officer.

This shade of blue is disgusting.

Well well well look who finally decided
to join us from blowjob break.

Don't sell me short

I cummed 3 men before noon.

Been there. Done that. Got the promotion.

And you people want equality.

So when can i get a promotion?

The only person i'll be willing
to have sex with is literally anyone else.

You! In the yellow.

If i find you got drugs you better count me in.

Ah fuck.

It's never the children like you that go missing.

I see you young man in the pur-

Well we got a real comedian over here.

Welcome to detention young man.

I'll be your asshole.

Excuse me, do not grab my son like that.

Well i didn't know you had a mother.

I'm sorry are you on your period.

Nope i've been scooped clean.

I'm just trying to figure out whether not to
take you seriously bitch.

I hope you like hospital food.

You just triggered a fucking Mexican.

Eat your mother's asshole!

No! Timmy come back here!
Come back here Timmy!

Oh hey there little fella.

Hey! You get away from that boy you pervert!

Woops, been rustled again!

Are you okay young man?
Did he put his hands on you?

Here. Have a postcard for courage.

Because no means no.

Timmy! Where are you baby?

Momma wants to go home and get drun-
go to sleep.

Has anyone seen my son?

Oh God.

Timmy!

That mother's adrenaline is kicking in.

TIMMY!

I can see every equation.

Excuse me mam, have you seen my son?

He's about this tall. Clearly gay.
But we haven't had the talk.

Timmy are you in there?

TIMMY!

Look! My luck's beginning to turn!

(vomits)

Who the fuck put soy in their coffee?

Do you know where my son is?

No? Goddammit!

I feel like i'm finally an iguana. I'd li-

Oh young lady. Where did you get this stylish shirt?

You want it?

Would I ever! Remove your clothes this instant.

People didn't watch what they are feeding
their children these days.

Herro Indian lady...

Good God Sailormoon had a sex change.

And Idris Ansari finally became a white woman.

Would be a shame if your employer found out
you don't fit into minority program bitch.

UGH alright!

How much to keep your mouth shut?

A hundred dollars.

I have 50 cents and a Vons clubcard.

Deal.

Thank you. Kokoro!

(American accent) Sucker.

Excuse me young lady.

I'm trying to find my concentration camp.

You can help me.

Jeez le weez the park is riddled with you rapers.

Yes and what's your name?

No means no!

(screeching)

This day can't get any goddamn worse.

Oh fuck! Donna!

Well hello George.

I haven't seen you in 50 years
and you still look like a slut.

Ya well i called you the other night
but you were being a little bitch.

Ya you didn't talk to me.

Well who the hell did i talk to?

Hello you old piece of shit.

(crying)

I saw you on that new Anisol ad last week.

Did you buy a bottle?

I did but it gave me blood farts.

Let it absorb, let evaporate
and start back at square one.

You're fuckin' disgusting.

Can you help me find my family?

Well of course.

Then it'll give us a little time to.. catch up.

Timmy! Where the fuck are you?

I'll let you do drugs.

TIMMY!

Im gonna have a stroke.

WHERE IS THE PARK RANGERRR!?

Thank you.
I'll be in town next week for grandma's funeral.

Asshole! Tell me where my son is
or i suck your goddamn dick!

Mam, have you try retracing your steps?

Retrace this!

Mam please stop doing that.

Mam, please don't do that in my office.

Jesus!

(in spanish) Puberty hasn't been kind to Dora the Explorer

Bitch!

Help me. She's beating me with her mistake.

Timmy it's time to come inside
you got that big field trip tomorrow.

Now help me scrub grandpa.

Siri, I need you to help me to find a pharmacist.

[I have found three doctors nearby]

Bitch i said a pharmacist.

[I found 7 drug dealers nearby]

Alright.