Eminem - The Real Slim Shady (Edited)

May I have your attention, please

May I have your attention, please

Will the real Slim
Shady please stand up

I repeat, will the real
Slim Shady please stand up

We're gonna have a problem here

Y'all act like you never
seen a white person before

Jaws all on the floor

Like Pam, like Tommy
just burst in the door

And started whooping her
ass worse than before

They first were divorced,
throwin' her over furniture

It's the return of the,
wait, no way, you're kidding

He didn't just say what
I think he did, did he

And Dr. Dre said, nothing, you idiots

Dr. Dre's dead, he's
locked in my basement

Feminist women love Eminem

Chicka, chicka, chicka,
Slim Shady, I'm sick of him

Look at him, walkin' around,
grabbin' his you-know-what

Flippin' the you-know-who

Yeah, but he's so cute though

Yeah, I probably got
a couple of screws

Up in my head loose

But no worse than what's goin' on

In your parents' bedrooms

Sometimes I wanna get
on TV and just let loose

But can't, but it's cool for Tom Green

To hump a dead moose

My bum is on your lips,
my bum is on your lips

And if I'm lucky, you might
just give it a little kiss

And that's the message that
we deliver to little kids

And expect them not to
know what a woman's is

Of course they're gonna
know what intercourse is

By the time they hit fourth grade

They've got the Discovery
Channel, don't they

We ain't nothin' but mammals,
well, some of us, cannibals

Who cut other people
open like cantaloupes

But if we can hump dead
animals and antelopes

Then there's no reason that a man

And another man can't elope

But if you feel like I
feel, I got the antidote

Women, wave your pantyhose,
sing the chorus, and it goes

I'm Slim Shady, yes,
I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim
Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim
Shady please stand up

Please stand up, please stand up

'Cause I'm Slim Shady,
yes, I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim
Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim
Shady please stand up

Please stand up, please stand up

Will Smith don't gotta cuss
in his raps to sell records

Well, I do, so him and you too

You think I give a damn about a Grammy

Half of you critics
can't even stomach me

Let alone stand me

But Slim, what if you
win, wouldn't it be weird

Why, so you guys could
just lie to get me here

So you can sit me here
next to Britney Spears

Christina Aguilera
better switch me chairs

So I can sit next to
Carson Daly and Fred Durst

And hear 'em argue over
who she gave to first

Little put me on blast on MTV

Yeah, he's cute, but I think
he's married to Kim, hee-hee

I should download her audio on MP3

And show the whole world
how you gave Eminem,

I'm sick of you little
girl and boy groups

All you do is annoy me

So I have been sent
here to destroy you

And there's a million
of us just like me

Who cuss like me, who
just don't give a like me

Who dress like me, walk,
talk and act like me

And just might be the next
best thing, but not quite me

'Cause I'm Slim Shady,
yes, I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim
Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim
Shady please stand up

Please stand up, please stand up

'Cause I'm Slim Shady,
yes, I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim
Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim
Shady please stand up

Please stand up, please stand up

I'm like a head trip to listen to

'Cause I'm only giving you

Things you joke about
with your friends

Inside your livin' room

The only difference is I
got the balls to say it

In front of y'all

And I don't gotta be false
or sugarcoat it at all

I just get on the mic and spit it

And whether you like
to admit it, I just

Better than ninety percent
of you rappers out can

Then you wonder, how can

Kids eat up these albums like

It's funny, 'cause at the rate
I'm going, when I'm thirty

I'll be the only person in
the nursing home flirting

Pinching nurse's asses
when I'm with Jergens

And I'm jerking

But this whole bag of
Viagra isn't working

And every single person
is a Slim Shady lurking

He could be working at Burger King

Spittin' on your onion rings

Or in the parking lot,
circling, screaming,

I don't give a

With his windows down
and his system up

So will the real Shady please stand up

And put one of those
fingers on each hand up

And be proud to be outta
your mind and outta control

And one more time, loud
as you can, how does it go

I'm Slim Shady, yes,
I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim
Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim
Shady please stand up

Please stand up, please stand up

'Cause I'm Slim Shady,
yes, I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim
Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim
Shady please stand up

Please stand up, please stand up

'Cause I'm Slim Shady,
yes, I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim
Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim
Shady please stand up

Please stand up, please stand up

'Cause I'm Slim Shady,
yes, I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim
Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim
Shady please stand up

Please stand up, please stand up

I guess there's a
Slim Shady in all of us

Let's all stand up