Gamers Hands of Fate - Subtitles Project

Countermay

Where several threads converge in the tapestry of worlds.

A world of settlers, both by choice and by accident,

a world of conflict between civilizations, young and ancient

noble and cruel, living and... otherwise

a world unresolved, with many vying to shape its fate!

Only one thing is certain about Countermay...

it's future will not be determined here –
or... here, for that matter.

At last.

Show them in.

Seven years of riddles and traps,

seven years of waiting for you to make a mistake,

and now, we have you:

The Shadow!

The Shadow.

The Shadow!

You've ruined my carpet.

So we have!

Where is the girl, fiend?

Straight to it, then?

No foreplay?

You will release the Princess at once!

And what, in our long relationship,

suggests I would do this?

There's but one way this can end:

with your death and us departing with our prize.

For women are prizes to be won, yes?

You simple surface dwellers.

The princess was never my objective.

Oh no.

Merely a means to an end.

You see

I have discovered a great secret about our world.

A truth that defies all--

Don't you dare.

It might be work.

Are you going to get that?

Let it go to voicemail.

You were saying.

I was.

You simple surface dwellers!

The princess was never my objective.

No.

I have discovered a secret about our world.

A truth that defies all--

I'm surprised you even get reception down here

If you answer, that I will punch you forever.

It's work, I've gotta...

Hello

No, now is a great time.

Boss, eh, some guy has a question about renting the room.

That's on the rate sheet.

Right, he'd like to know how much it costs.

That would be on the rate sheet.

And if we're gonna take a break, I need to feed the meter.

I actually have to get going.

- You gotta be kidding!
- Seriously?!

I'm sorry. We have an early load-in in the morning and we stilly haven't cleared the bay

You're killing me guys, you're killing me.

And that's really what I should be doing.

Guys, this is gonna be a while.

We pissed off a pretty big customer.

Who?

China?

To be continued?

So, same time next week? I'm good.

I'm not. This isn't going away any time soon.

I'll be in tech.

And I've drafted into helping with tech. Grumble.

Thank you, sweetie.

Grumble, I say.

Freaking come on! This keeps happening! Are we really gonna miss another session?

We're down 60% of the party, so what do you suggest?

Does game night not mean anything to anyone anymore?

If I wanted to play once every two month, I'd be Lodge's sex life.

Hey!

Why didn't you "hey"?

Hey!

Relax. Some times life gets in the way?

Yes, I'm still here. Yes, you're still stupid.

It's not like it's gonna be a year until we game again.

Five more minutes and we kill him.

Firm, but fair.

You shut up.

I'm the antagonist. I can't antagonize?

China is talking to us again.

Seriously, where the hell is he?

And what is that noise?

My minions minioning.

No, shut up. It's...

What the shit crapped all these dorks in my store?

We're double booked. Sorry, I can't game.

I think we are not gaming. The streak continues.

I can grab us a table at the AFK. We can still have waffles.

Unearned waffles...

Waffles of shame.

That would be lovely.

At least you get to game where you're going.

Finally, just the two of us. No offense.

And several thousands nerds dressed as cylons and superheroes.

Oh, god! Con sex is the greatest!

I once did a Xena while dressed as Xena.

I think it was XenaCon.

Silly geek. He'd forget it head if it weren't attached.

[ominous music]

gasp

Is that what I...?

Don't say it.

One ring, to rule them all.

You guys are missing the most epic meltdown. Cass is going full Chernobyl on Leo.

Thank you, hone. What I'd do without you?

Come on.

And bring your phone - we gotta record this.

Always remember. The ring is trying to get back to its master.

Plug it.

It wants to be found.

mumble

Keep it safe.

I warned you. You sell card games and they'll come.
Those mouth-breathing card floppers.

In ones and twos at first and then more would follow. And now they've nested and taken over my precious table space.

Is this what you wanted, Leo?

A gaggle of shambling fail elementals cloying the air?

I do not get your nerd rage on this.

You love breaking games. Why not stick around and see what happens?

Might I? Might I please? For a chance to spend hundreds of dollars on a non-interactive game with no underlying narrative?

Squee! Hold me back!

This is sarcasm, by the way.

This game has absolutely zero...

Beard face! You're the TO?

Hey, other beard face!

Boom! Card me.

Our first Holden player tonight. Might I ask your build?

Quest-military switch.

Awesome!

My own special blend.

I miss switch. I used to run something very similar with the Tuatha.

Before the Legacy broke us.

You know, this is my favorite deck ever.

I'm sorry, man.

I quit the game after that.
It kinda stopped being fun, you know?

Hey, what's she doing out of the kitchen?

Take care of Dundareel for us?

You got it.

You got it.

Girls suck at games!

Here we go....

Hey, honey. Could you make me a sandwich?

We both know you don't need any more carbs.

Come on, show us your tits.

I left them at home!

It is hard to shuffle with my dick in your hand?

Sorry, all I heard was "Virgin, virgin, crusty sock."

Alright, Chad. I warned ya.
You're outta here!

Hans, door!

Why is it my fault if she can't take a compliment?

Right this way.

Fascicsts!

Miss, I'm really sorry about that.

Comes with the territory.
How dare I game with ovaries? "You only won 'cause boobs."

I can use that one.

Nice!

What's up, Crag Chin? Am I kicking your ass today?

No, Cass here hates CCGs

That offer no competition.

Maybe I will meet you in the tourney.

Yay!

No, wait, sorry. I meant: Meeeeeeeeh.

I need three things to live: Water, salt and her name.

Would you look at that? We're actually just past the sign in phase.

And entry fee is ten bucks. But for you...

20.

I'll give you thirty if I meet her in the first round.

I'll take that 30 and the +3 beads of protection.

Do I look like a sheep? 'Cause I'm getting fleeced.

You'll still need a deck to play.

Whatever, I'll take the Grand Mighty Empire of...
Green one.

You don't just grab a faction at random!

Your choice of empire is the most important decision you shall ever make.

They each have their own unique histories and tactics and varying victory conditions!

Take the Tuatha...

Green one.

We are a people of mighty power!

Green one!

We were the first to uphold the...

[whispers:] Green one.

34.95.

Thanks.

Citizens of Countermay!

One generation ago, Simm Buxtehude and Tuatha Dundareel led an alliance against the God-King Shad-Hujem and his undead allies!

They toppled the Dark One from the Godhead Seat and sealed his throne under a mountain of stone! But...

Hey, Natalie, right?

I know. Hard guess. The only girl here.

That is how I wanna be remembered.

I'm Cass and you have already turned tonights fortunes completely around.

I have a taser.

The sunken pyramid of Ixhasa rises from the deep, and from it issues forth the Dread Army,

with a single goal in mind: To return Ulix, the Eternal Emperor, to the Godhead Seat and restore their empire!

Will Ixhasa be victorious?

Or will the mortal men stand together and claim the throne for themselves?

We shall have the answers to all this and more when we...

Cry havoc!

Havoc!

Cry havoc!

Havoc!

Let slip the dogs of war!

[cheering]

That was pointless.

Where were we?

Alright, let's play!

With cards!

I do not get your angle, man.

"Welcome to the Romance of the Nine Empires Collectible Card Game

where you take the part of one the nine warring factions."

Nine of them. I've gotcha.

Okay, I'm just going to declare victory now.

You got me. I don't actually play this game.

Wonder of wonders!

I'm just a chiseled gamer guy who saw a gorgeous gamer girl and was willing to risk total humiliation

for a chance to talk to her.

After this is all over, say, you teach me how to play over a cup of coffee.

I know this great waffle place, it's opened all night.

Okay.

Let me break it down for you.

You're cute, sure. You speak in complete sentences and I'm reasonably certain that you based in the last 24.

Thing is:

I'm here to game.
I have this torunament to win

and a whole army of the undead to thwart.

I can do 20 pull-ups.

Not in a row or anything...

Taser.

Okay, yeah, sure, hi!

You just...

do your thing and I will just see how the whole shebang turns out.

Play it off, and back away until I'm out of earshot.

She totally franced ya, didn't she?

Of course she did.

How does utter defeat taste?

Bitter, I hope.
This is not sarcasm, by the way.

The night is young and as you said victory conditions vary.

You gotta...

... a little...

come here...

[dramatic music]

Hey, look. I'm sorry. You know, it's like I've always said:

Men are bad at relationships and women are bad at things.

Ladies and gentlemen, our winner and regional champion:

Chris Hunter.

Crowd: Booo!

Cogratulations, you've earned a berth in the national championship and the storyline prize.

What it's gonna be?

War or Diplomacy?

War of course!

Crowd: Booo!

If you don't like the way the game is going, all you gotta do is beat The Legacy at GenCon.

Crowd: Booo!

Come on! Hate me more!
Your poutrage gives me strength!

[ironic tone] Great game, Natalie.

You gave the Legacy another win.

Hey, you kicked some serious ass in there.

I lost.

Now I gotta play my way out of the Swiss.

Fucking Legacy!

Right, you don't play.

They're this cabal of elite dickbags who like fucking with the player base and making unpopular story decisions.

They created the starvation deck--that control/denial thing you saw in there--

and they just sit behind an undead army that doesn't have to eat

while they wipe out all food production on the board so you can't even bring your heroes in play

without them starving to death.

And they just whittle you away while you sit there watching your deck burn,

and they are going to ride that pony all the way to the championship and flush questing down the toilet.

Them's the stakes. Ixhasa wins, questing is gone as a victory condition.

I never thought I'd leave this game, but I can't take this shit anymore.

And without any ability to effect anything...

Wow, I really ranted all over you.

It's okay, I didn't understand most of it anyway.

So: Waffles?

Tell you what, Thunder Jaw:

[exagerated] Win GenCon for Holden! Put my queen on the throne and sure

I'll go out with you.

Challenge accepted.

- No, it wouldn't.
- And I'm telling you it would.

There is zero evidence to support your claim!

I think that the evidence is rather clear.

Let's ask Cass.

Cass -

Say that you were to chop off the hydra's dick. Do you think - ?

Shut up.

Are you ready for this?

We're going to GenCon.

The best four days in gaming!

Expecting a bigger reaction.

Well, Jo and I were already going.

Yeah, and now someone from the group actually has a chance of getting laid.

Hey!

Why didn't you "hey"?
- And, back to me.

So, I'm winning a tournament for this card-flopper chick.

She's totally into me.

Will he be there?

Yes, Gary. Of course he'll be there.

He's always there.

Y ou're gonna have to

deal with him sooner or later.

I don't think I'm ready yet.

Well, good luck finding a place to stay.

The rooms were nearly all gone when we booked ours six months ago.

You know what, it's gonna be kind of nice to get away.

Just the two of us.

You know, we have some -

important matters uh, to engage in -

to, to discuss -

just some personal, uh -

You can stay with us!

- That's what I was waiting to hear.

Thanks. Saves me having to ask.

Whoa, wait, Jo. You don't -

Come on, Kevin,

it'll be fun!

Besides they're our friends,

you wouldn't want to leave them out in the cold, would you?

Would you?

Group road trip!

Fun!

Yay!

Now all I have to do is learn how to play the Nine Kingdoms.

- Empires.

Eh, tomato, to-mah-to.

Alright -

Which one of you guys wants to lose to a guy who's touched boob?

Buxtehude,

you are summoned to the Queen.

It is as I feared.

War has come to Holden.

The Cult of Shad-Hujem marches against us.

Meet them in battle, Myriad.

Save our kingdom.

The God-King shall return.

Ha!

I'm warmed up now. Rematch.

And use a real deck this time.

Buxtehude,

you are summoned to the Queen.

It is as I feared.

War has come to Holden.

The Ord of the Floating Isle march against us.

Meet them in battle, Myriad.

Save our kingdom.

I said real deck.

Rematch.

I'm bored.

I'll play! I'll play!

[sigh]

Buxtehude,

you are summoned to the Queen.

It is as I feared.

War has come to Holden.

This feels so familiar....

Something... unlike anything I've ever seen...

marches against us.

Meet them in battle, Myriad.

Chibi happy happy chibi
chibi happy chibi dance!

Chibi happy happy chibi -

Fiends! Begone from this la --AAH!

Chibi happy chibi happy chibi happy
chibi happy chibi happy chibi happy chibi happy chibi dance!

[laughter]

Are we even playing the same game?

I'm playing Chibi Dance #1 Hooray. I don't know what you're playing.

[table slamming]

Oh, grow up!

[clapping]

Man, you are like an anti-montage:

Okay, kids, let's leave the sad man alone.

- You just keep getting worse!

Please, from the bottom of my heart - and I do mean this sincerely -

keep trying.

Your flailing at mediocrity is marvelous entertainment.

Might I have a look at your deck?

It's not like you'll be able to help. Those kids are obviously cheating.

Now he's blaming kids?

This is like Christmas, and my birthday, all at the same time.

Let's do a test draw, see if we can't find the problem.

Buxtehude,

Am I... summoned?

To the Queen?

Yes.

- we must face -

Is it war? Has war come to Holden?

War? Heavens, no.

I merely wished to assess our defenses.

Have you been sleeping? You look troubled.

I've been having the strangest dreams.

At least, that's what I think they are... dreams.

[clears throat]

Majesty, our defenses are woefully inadequate.

Not a kingdom in the world can stand against the Dread Army.

And with famine rampant....

We have neither the troops nor the wealth to prevail.

If we are too weak to stand on our own, then what we clearly need are allies.

A political marriage would strengthen our position.

I'm of more use to us here.

Then what do you suggest? How shall we defend ourselves?

No.

Let me quest, Majesty! The way my father did, the way that made Holden great.

The days of epic questing are over, Myriad.

They died with your father.

Majesty -

Assess our defenses. I would know how inadequate they are before I take marriage off the table.

Here's your problem: Your gold to food ratio is off. You've got too few quest and a metric buttload of heroes.

If you're questing you need to focus around these two:

Myriad and Dundareel.

We have only these few men.

Do they look strangely similar to you?

We can't supply a larger army and our weapon selection is embarassarlingly out of date.

We can not defend ourselves with this!

My father could have.

I wonder. Crafty as he was, I doubt even Old Sim could have made a go of it with these paultry ressources.

Slight old fox. I miss him.

There must be something we haven't considered. Something we haven't though of.

There is.

Retreat.

Leave the castle. Lead your people back to the marches.

This, Holden, it has been a wonderful experiment and a welcoming refuge, but Sim made many enemies when he carved it from the wilderness.

Enemies with long memories.

I've been through the fall of the dynasty, Myriad. Live goes on.

Life goes on if you allow it to.

Byron, could you please go and count the Volgt dice again?

Sort them by colour.