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Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
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Once upon a time, in a faraway kingdom,
lived a beautiful little girl...
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...and her widowed father.
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It's beautiful.
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Okay. It wasn't that long ago.
And it wasn't really a faraway kingdom.
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It was the San Fernando Valley.
It looked faraway...
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...because you barely see it
through the smog.
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But to me, growing up,
the Valley was my kingdom.
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I was my dad's best friend.
And he was mine.
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Being raised by a man put me behind in
the makeup and fashion departments.
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But I never felt like I missed out
on anything.
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I was the luckiest girl in the world.
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My dad owned the coolest diner.
I loved hanging out there.
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Diet was a four-letter word here...
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...and grease came
at no additional charge.
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At Hal's, everyone felt like family.
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Oh, yeah, I have drinks.
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Happy birthday!
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Make a wish, princess.
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What did I need a wish for?
I had amazing friends and the coolest dad.
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But I guess my dad thought I needed
one more thing: Fiona.
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I am so sorry.
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You look beautiful, Fiona.
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Hey, Hal!
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Along with my new stepmother came
her twin daughters, Brianna and Gabriella.
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My out-of-step-sisters.
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But as long as my dad was happy, so was I.
We were going to be one big, happy family.
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Cheese.
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One's enough.
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Unfortunately, this was no fairy tale.
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"He took her hand, and he kissed it.
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Then he swooped her up onto
his horse.
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And the beautiful princess and the
handsome prince rode off to his castle...
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...where they lived happily ever after. "
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Do fairy tales come true, Dad?
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Well, no. But dreams come true.
-
- Do you have a dream?
- Yeah.
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My dream is that you'll grow up
and go to college...
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...and then maybe someday you'll build
your own castle.
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Where do princesses go to college?
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They go...
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...where the princes go.
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They go to Princeton.
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But, Sam, you know, fairy tales aren't
just about finding handsome princes.
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They're about fulfilling your dreams...
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...and about standing up for what
you believe in.
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As I always say, never let the
fear of striking out...
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- Keep you from playing the game.
- Right.
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Just remember, if you look carefully,
this book contains important things...
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...that you may need to know
later in life.
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- Earthquake.
- My kingdom crumbled...
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...during the Northridge earthquake.
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Help! Help!
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- Don't go.
- I'll be right back.
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I lost my best friend that day.
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From then on, the only fairy tales
in my life...
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...were the ones I read about in books.
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Since my father didn't leave a will,
my stepmother got everything.
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The house, the diner,
and to her dismay, me.
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Sam.
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Sammy.
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Sam!
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It's breakfast time.
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So bring me my breakfast.
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Sam!
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Careful, ladies. Look for the eyes.
One, two, three, bicycle.
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And feint. Magpie, magpie, magpie.
Flap and flap and flap. Mary Lou Retton!
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Palm tree and palm tree.
Lady Liberty. Lady Liberty.
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Around the harbor. Around the harbor.
Circle Line tour.
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And hurricane.
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Can you believe how extraordinarily
gifted my girls are?
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Absolutely unbelievable. Really.
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- Sam!
- Find each other. Look in the eyes.
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- I'm coming.
- One, two, three and four...
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...and right, left, up and down.
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Is this the Norwegian salmon I asked for?
I need my omega-3s.
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Only the best.
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I can tell.
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You know, it costs a fortune to fly
that stuff in from Norwegia.
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And push it, ladies. Push it, ladies.
Push it, ladies.
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Ready? Okay.
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- Gross. Mom!
- I have a spastic colon.
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Well, you have a spastic brain.
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- Stop. Stop hitting her. Stop.
- You bit me.
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What are you doing just standing there?
Get to work.
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I can't go to work now.
I've got a big test I have to study for.
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Listen, Sam. People go to school
to get smarter...
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...so that they can get a job.
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You already have a job.
So it's like skipping a step.
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Come on, get going.
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And Flying Karamazov.
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No, honey. Leave those on.
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The lawn looks a little brown.
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Fiona, we're supposed to be conserving
water. We're in the middle of a drought.
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Droughts are for poor people.
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Do you think J. Lo has a brown lawn?
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People who use extra water
have extra class.
-
You call that grade-A beef? Well, that cow
must have cheated on his test.
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Pickup.
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Bobby, enough with the salmon.
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You already made a salmon omelet, salmon
soup and salmon pudding. Come on.
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- Help me. Fiona wants to eat me.
- That's nasty.
-
- Bite me, Rhonda. Bite me.
- That's nasty.
-
- Eleanor, your order's up.
- Coming. I got it.
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Safe.
-
I'm okay.
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- Chuck, how you doing?
- Super.
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That's good. So cheese omelet,
extra bacon, crisp...
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...blueberry muffin and a Coke.
- Make it a Diet Coke.
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I'm trying to watch my weight.
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It ain't going nowhere.
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Pick up these salmon waffles.
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- Sam, why are you still here?
- I'm almost done.
-
- You'll be late for school.
- I'll get there.
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- Fiona goes ballistic if I don't finish.
- I don't care.
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What I care about is your education.
-
She's got you getting up
at the crack of dawn.
-
- Your dad would want you at school.
- But...
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No more "buts. " You just leave Fiona
and her big butt to me.
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- Thanks, Rhonda.
- Get.
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Hey, looking good, Mr. Farrell.
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A man's best friend is his Mercedes,
Sam.
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I'll remember that.
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Any... Anything is possible
if you just believe.
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- Anything is possible if you just...
- Audition today, son?
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- Yeah, 5:00, all right? Tell Mom.
- Knock them dead.
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Dad. Now, do you see what I have to go
to school in? No offense, Sam.
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Honestly, don't you feel sorry
for me?
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No, I feel sorry about the three cars
we got you that you totaled.
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Okay. All right.
-
- Carter, what are you wearing?
- What...?
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This is my Snoop Dizzle look.
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I cannot drive you to school like that.
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Sam, I am a Method actor, okay?
This is part of my training.
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I know, I know, I know. But look at this.
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All right. Take two.
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Buenos dias, Fighting Frogs.
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Here's your daily drought reminder
to conserve agua.
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Cut your showers short.
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Brownie points go out to Mr. Rothman,
who hasn't had one in weeks.
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Remember, today's your last chance
to get tickets...
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...to the big Halloween homecoming
dance.
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You too can dress up like someone
you're not, for a change.
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- I mean, I...
- I pledge allegiance to the flag...
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...of the United States of America,
and to the republic...
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...for which it stands, one nation...
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Primo parking spot dead ahead.
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- Okay, there's a spot. There's a spot.
- Sam, watch out. Watch out.
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Okay. You snooze, you lose!
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Well, if it isn't Shelby Cummings
and her ladies in waiting.
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- Shelby wants me so bad.
- You've never even talked to her before.
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Oh, I've talked to her. Okay?
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In my mind. And let me tell you,
in my mind, she wants me so bad.
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Carter, you could do so much better than
Shelby Cummings. Even in your mind.
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- There's another spot.
- Got it.
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Come on.
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Austin.
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People like Shelby and Austin...
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...are genetically programmed
to find each other.
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How can so much ego be
in one relationship?
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- Imagine what they say about you.
- They don't even know I exist.
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Stalkerazzi at 3 o'clock.
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The white zone is for cool people only.
No geeks.
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Hey, diner girl, can I get a
breakfast burrito to go? Thank you.
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And you thought they didn't
know you exist.
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- That car's as old as that hat.
- Right.
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Move. Move. Move.
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- Move. Move.
- Hi.
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Shelby. Hey, sister-friend.
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Remind me why we tolerate them.
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They gave you a Prada bag
for your birthday.
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Try "Frada" bag. Totally fake.
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Greetings. Samantha, you look absolutely
stunning today, as per usual.
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Thank you, Terry.
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If you'll excuse me, I must get back
to my galaxy now.
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Zion, Lieutenant Terry here. Hello?
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Can you hear me? Captain?
You're going in and out.
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- Poor guy.
- At least he's happy.
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- Happy? Guy lives in another world.
- I copy.
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Sometimes fantasy is better
than reality, Carter.
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- Speaking of fantasy.
- I'll see you later.
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Yes, the secret admirer beckons.
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Where have you been?
We haven't talked in ages.
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We talked this morning.
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I can't stop thinking about you.
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What's on your mind right now?
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You first.
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Well, I'm thinking that Professor Rothman's
dissected one too many frogs.
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Ribet, ribet.
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Laugh out loud.
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I wanna hear your laugh.
When can we finally meet?
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Soon.
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How's your day so far?
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Raging stepmom, work and cool kids
who can't get over themselves.
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- Ever feel like you don't belong?
- Absolutely.
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I can be surrounded by a sea
of people and still feel all alone.
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Then I think of you.
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Hey, Nomad, do you think
we've ever met?
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I don't know. Our school
has over 3500 kids.
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Well, that narrows it down.
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Well, at least I can eliminate the guys.
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You're not a guy, right? Because if you are,
I'll kick your butt.
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I am not a guy.
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Have you told your dad
about Princeton yet?
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If only I could. I haven't even told him
I wanna be a writer.
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My father always encouraged me
to pursue my dreams.
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Not mine. He has another plan
for my life.
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It's 2 a. m. We've been at this
for five hours.
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Well, I think we broke our record.
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- We should turn in. Sweet dreams.
- Wait.
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I can't sleep without knowing
there's hope.
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Half the night I waste in sighs.
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In a wakeful doze I sorrow.
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For the hand, the lips...
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...the eyes.
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For the meeting of tomorrow.
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Quoting Tennyson. Impressive.
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Please meet me at the
homecoming dance.
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I'll be waiting for you at 11:00
in the middle of the dance floor.
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Sweet dreams.
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That was close.
-
- You're finally gonna be able to meet him.
- I don't know. He's too good to be true.
-
Come on. It's been, like, a month since you
met him in that Princeton chat room, okay?
-
- You talk to him all the time. You know him.
- I know, but he doesn't know me.
-
What if I meet him
and I'm not what he expects?
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Maybe this whole relationship's
just better for cyberspace.
-
Listen, okay? You have to go
to that dance, okay?
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This Nomad guy isn't gonna be in one place
for long, all right?
-
- Lf it helps, I'll be your escort.
- Really?
-
- Yeah.
- You rock, Carter.
-
- Hello?
- Sam.
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Some little brat got into my salmon
and ate it all.
-
I need more salmon.
And pick up my dry cleaning.
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And wash the Jag.
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Fiona. One more pitch.
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- Why do you act like her slave?
- Simple. No Fiona, no money for Princeton.
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- That sucks.
- Tell me about it.
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Hey, it's out of here.
-
Damn, a girl hit that.
See, now that's impressive.
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So, what are you and Shelby going
to the dance as?
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I don't know if I'm going with Shelby.
-
You're not gonna go with Shelby?
Who else you gonna go with?
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I don't know. It's a mystery to me.
-
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
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Okay, guys. Come on.
A little bit further. Right there.
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Thirty percent off for USC alumni.
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Looks good, my friend.
Make sure you get these rims.
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- Austin.
- What's up?
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What's with all those college brochures
in your bedroom?
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What are you doing in my room?
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- I'm trying to keep my options open.
- You don't need options.
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It is all taken care of.
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Look, son, we've been working on this
program since you were 9 years old.
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You're gonna play USC football,
graduate...
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...and then you'll manage this business
with me. Your future's set.
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So don't mess with the plan. All right?
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Wouldn't think of it.
-
There's another customer.
Go make them happy.
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Yes, sir, here's your car.
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Well, you need a wax.
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- Excuse me?
- I meant the car.
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Oh, fine.
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- Austin.
- Hi.
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- We need our cars washed.
- Yeah, look.
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Dirt.
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One second, ladies. All right.
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Take this inside when you're done.
Thank you very much.
-
Oh, my God, he is an angel.
-
- He's so cute.
- I know.
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So who'd you guys pay to make
your cars so dirty?
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Excuse me? Like, what are you,
the dirt police?
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Yeah. The dirt police.
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Like, excuse me, miss, do you know
how fast your dirt was going?
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You should have stopped
with the dirt police.
-
You should get going,
because our mom's looking for you.
-
- Well, where is she?
- She's at home, baking.
-
- You wanted to see me?
- Yes.
-
Oh, my... Did you finish your errands?
-
Because I need you to head to the diner
and take the night shift.
-
Tonight's my night off and it's
the Halloween dance at school, so...
-
I know, but you need to stop being so
self-centered and start thinking of others.
-
Others need you to go to the diner
and mop the floors tonight.
-
But I really need to go to this dance,
Fiona. I have to.
-
You need to earn your tuition money
for college.
-
You gotta bus a lot of tables.
-
I'm a straight-A student. I work seven days
a week and I'm taking extra AP classes.
-
I never asked you for anything.
Please let me go to this dance.
-
Sweetheart, now that you're
old enough...
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...there's something I've always wanted to
tell you, and I think you're ready to hear it.
-
You're not very pretty,
and you're not very bright.
-
I'm so glad we had that talk.
-
- Man, you...
- Scoot over, bro.
-
- See if we can get a bigger table.
- Move over.
-
You're in my way.
-
It must be Halloween. Look what just
flew in. The wicked witch of the Valley.
-
I'm gonna be picking up Gabriella
and Brianna at the Halloween dance.
-
- I'll be back by 12 sharp.
- Okay.
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Still got room in there, huh?
-
Well, if it isn't little Betty Crocker
from the 'hood.
-
Don't you have something to do,
like cleaning toilets?
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You know, I would, but I'm too busy
running this place. But be my guest.
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I'm sorry, I can't, because I just got
a $ 150 manicure. Silver palm trees.
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Keep it up, Fiona, and I'm gonna find
a place to put my $6 pedicure.
-
Where are your skates?
That's part of the uniform.
-
Fiona, if I wanted to look like a clown,
I'd join the circus.
-
If you were part of my circus, I'd have you
clean elephant butts with a Wet One.
-
- I don't think you realize that I could...
- Fire me? Oh, please, go right ahead.
-
And let's see how many customers
you have left when you do.
-
I am a very appealing person.
-
Yeah, in your head.
-
- "I'm a very appealing person. "
- "I'm a very appealing person. "
-
That woman can make a nun swear.
-
I'm graduating a year early so I can
be 3000 miles away in Princeton.
-
You could go to the University of Mars
and it still wouldn't be far enough.
-
Honey, I'm desperate.
-
- Can you cover that back booth?
- We're waiting.
-
- I don't think I can eat anything here.
- But...
-
I have the feeling I won't be able
to get a Zone meal here.
-
- I already ate.
- Laxatives don't qualify as a food group.
-
- Surprised you didn't know that.
- Stop it.
-
Well, if it isn't diner girl.
-
- What can I get you guys?
- What can I get here that has no sugar...
-
...no carbs and is fat-free?
- Water.
-
- Water? Feisty.
- Was that supposed to be a joke?
-
It was funny.
-
- I'll have a Voss.
- Excuse me?
-
- It's water. From Norway.
- She's the worst.
-
- Sorry, we only have water from the Valley.
- Oh, well, then I'll have an iced tea.
-
Make that two.
And I'm still waiting...
-
...on that breakfast burrito, diner girl.
- See you.
-
- Thank you.
- She is so not getting a tip.
-
Shelby, we really need to talk.
Privately.
-
Anything you say to me,
you can say in front of my peeps.
-
Okay.
-
I wanna break up.
-
What?
-
That was harsh.
-
- Are you in love with somebody else?
- I think so.
-
- No way.
- What? Who, bro?
-
I don't know.
-
- But we can still be...
- Don't say the word "friends. "
-
Fortunately for you, I'm gonna overlook
this mental breakdown of yours.
-
Look, just chill out. We're gonna go get
ready for the dance, and I'll see you there.
-
- Later.
- Late.
-
- That went well, bro.
- No, she took it well.
-
Good looking out.
-
- Later, diner girl.
- Too late.
-
Don't worry about it.
-
You know, those kids remind me
of why I used to fight in school.
-
Have no fear.
-
Zorro is here.
-
And he's got the keys
to his dad's Mercedes.
-
You're going dressed as a bus girl?
-
- Carter, I'm not going.
- What do you mean, you're not going?
-
- Okay, sorry. Sorry. What about cyberdude?
- Cyberdude?
-
That the boy that's been sending
you love notes?
-
They're not love notes. They're e-mails.
-
If a man is taking his time to write down
his feelings for you, it's a love note.
-
You've got a secret admirer.
-
And he wants to meet her tonight
at the dance.
-
- What are you still doing here?
- I'm obeying orders.
-
- Sam, this is your true love.
- Well, true love is gonna have to wait.
-
Oh, girl, please, save all that drama for the
soap operas. You are going to that dance.
-
Go ahead, girlfriend.
-
I can't go. Fiona would kill me and then
bring me back to clean up the mess.
-
She's gonna have to
go through me to hurt you.
-
- Go, girlfriend. Do your thing.
- Call me "girlfriend" one more time.
-
Okay, sorry.
-
Sam, your dad did not leave this earth
wanting you to be unhappy.
-
It's time for you to find your own bliss,
starting with this dance.
-
Sam, you need to listen to Rhonda.
-
You're always studying, always working.
Take some time for yourself.
-
Yeah, why don't you go out
and bust a move.
-
- Put your freak on.
- Whatever it is you kids do these days.
-
You know what? You guys are right.
I never do anything for myself.
-
- No, you don't.
- True.
-
And I deserve to have some fun.
-
- That's right.
- Yeah.
-
- I am gonna go to that dance.
- Okay, great.
-
And I am gonna meet my true love
and I'm gonna dance all night.
-
- I can't go.
- What?
-
I don't have a costume.
-
- But you will. Are you coming, Zorro?
- Yes, ma'am.
-
Vernon. Sam needs a costume.
-
No. No, Rhonda. I am closed.
-
Come on, I'll give you free breakfast
for a week.
-
Make it a month.
-
There's gotta be something here.
-
There is this one.
-
Perfect.
-
No way.
-
Hey, you're killing me here.
-
Aloha.
-
No, no. I got something.
-
Bless you.
-
Rhonda, this is hopeless.
-
Vernon, let me see that mask.
-
I don't have an outfit
that goes with that.
-
Yeah, but I do.
-
Rhonda, you sure do have a knack for taking
something simple and making it beautiful.
-
Well, you ain't seen nothing yet.
-
I was saving this dress for my
next attempt down the aisle.
-
Long story.
-
It's beautiful.
-
- Rhonda, I can't wear that.
- Yes, you can. And you will.
-
That dress has been in that box so long,
it deserves a night out.
-
Let's go.
-
This is gonna look so good on you.
-
Welcome, North Valley High School seniors
to the Halloween homecoming dance.
-
Tonight, our panel of esteemed teachers
will use their years of higher education...
-
...to choose our homecoming
prince and princess.
-
In true L.A. Fashion,
it's not about who you are.
-
It's about what you wear.
Are you ready to crank it up? Yeah.
-
I cannot believe I put you in charge
of costumes.
-
I told you Siamese cats,
not Siamese twins.
-
Are we having a catfight?
-
- Welcome, guys.
- What up?
-
- Sorry about your costume getting lost.
- It's all good.
-
No, it's not. We don't get to be
the Three Musketeers.
-
You get to be Prince Charming
and we're the two wimps in wigs.
-
Take the cape off already.
You look amazing.
-
- I'm sorry, I'm just freaking out here.
- Listen, it's gonna be okay.
-
- Hurry up, it's almost 11.
- Carter, wait.
-
Remember, I have to be back
in the diner by 12, okay?
-
Okay, give me your cell phone.
Come on, cell phone.
-
Okay. All right, I'm going to set the alarm
for a quarter to 12, okay?
-
- Okay.
- All right, there. Now, give me the cape.
-
Come on, it's time
-
Sam, what are they all staring at?
-
Love her dress. Hate her.
-
Sam, don't worry, okay?
-
Any guy would have to be completely
insane not to like you, all right?
-
I'm just gonna be standing
right over here. Okay.
-
Do you know you're standing precisely
in the middle of the dance floor?
-
Fate has brought us together right here
at this anointed hour...
-
...under the shimmering disco ball.
-
Terry.
-
- Are you Nomad?
- Nomad?
-
Indeed. I have traveled through time
and space to find you.
-
Now join me in the
mating dance of Zion.
-
Terry, that's nice.
-
Hey, I know that girl from somewhere.
-
- I'm thirsty. I gotta get some punch...
- Some libations for the fair maiden?
-
Your wish is my command.
-
I knew this was too good to be true.
-
Princeton Girl?
-
Austin Ames?
-
- You're Nomad?
- Yeah, I guess my costume doesn't do...
-
...a very good job at hiding who I am.
- No, I know exactly who you are.
-
I'm sorry. This was a really big mistake.
I've gotta go.
-
Wait. Wait.
-
Wait. It's not a mistake.
-
- Don't you know who I am?
- Of course I do. You're Princeton Girl.
-
You're the girl I've been waiting to meet.
I know who you are.
-
What's your name?
-
Your sweet libations, my lady.
-
Mr. Anderson.
-
Austin Ames with my lady.
A devastating blow.
-
A worthy opponent.
-
- What about your girlfriend?
- It's over.
-
I guess you were expecting some guy
who hangs out at Starbucks...
-
...and writes poetry.
- Something like that.
-
Come on, you're Austin Ames.
-
You're football captain
and student body president.
-
And closet poet?
You can't be both guys.
-
- I'm not.
- Then who are you?
-
On September 7th, I wrote you:
-
"I live in a world full of people pretending
to be something they're not.
-
- But when I talk to you... "
- "I'm the guy I wanna be. "
-
Give me a chance to be that guy.
-
Do you want to join me
for a stroll outside?
-
If you wanna be voted homecoming prince,
you'd better stay inside.
-
I really don't care about becoming
homecoming prince.
-
So, Princeton Girl, would you tell me
who you are if I guessed it right?
-
- Maybe.
- Maybe?
-
- Well, how about we play 20 questions.
- How about 10.
-
I'll take what I can get.
-
Okay, first question.
-
You do actually go to
North Valley High School, right?
-
- Of course.
- Look, I'm just checking.
-
I mean, you never know
with the Internet.
-
Okay, next question.
-
Were you disappointed when you
found out that I was Nomad?
-
- Be honest.
- Surprisingly, no.
-
Did you vote for me for
student body president?
-
- Surprisingly, yes.
- Really?
-
Okay, I got it. Given the choice...
-
...would you rather have a rice cake
or a Big Mac?
-
- A Big Mac. But what does that matter?
- Well, I like a girl with a hearty appetite.
-
And besides, you just eliminated about
50 percent of the girls in our class.
-
You'd think I'd remember those eyes.
-
You're so beautiful.
-
Next question.
-
What's up, girl?
-
- What are you supposed to be?
- A Three Musketeer.
-
- You don't look like a candy bar.
- Right.
-
Look, now that you
and Austin are toast...
-
...okay, why don't we
have our own little party.
-
- Back off, David.
- Come on, Shelby. I know you like me.
-
- No. Stop it. No.
- I know... I know it.
-
- No, stop it. Stop.
- Come on.
-
The lady said, "Stop. "
-
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
-
- Give me that!
- Oh, God.
-
I just saw your life flash
before your eyes.
-
Oh, yeah? Well, did you see the part
where I run away?
-
- That was awesome.
- Oh, you're dead, taco boy!
-
Ladies.
-
- You're mine!
- Move over, please.
-
- It's over, dude.
- Oh, yeah?
-
- Yeah.
- Well, I hate to tell you this, dude...
-
...but I starred in Pirates of Penzance
three times.
-
- Oh, yeah?
- Say hello to act two, scene one.
-
If I ask you to dance,
does that count as a question?
-
There's no music.
-
So?
-
All out of questions?
-
Do you believe in love at first sight?
-
I'll let you know.
-
- But I've seen you before?
- Yes.
-
Man. How could I have
seen you before...
-
...and not know who you are now?
-
Maybe you were looking,
but you weren't really seeing.
-
- You've got one more question left.
- Okay.
-
Do you, Princeton Girl...
-
...feel like you made the right choice
meeting me here tonight?
-
I do.
-
And do you, Austin Ames,
ever wanna see me again after tonight?
-
I'd have to think about that.
-
Absolutely.
-
Not now.
-
- What?
- I've gotta go.
-
- You have a curfew or something?
- Something like that.
-
I'm sorry, but thank you.
This has been the most amazing night.
-
- Where are you going?
- I'm late.
-
- For what?
- Reality.
-
I was right in the middle
of a power jam.
-
- You totally harshed my mellow.
- You'll get over it and live.
-
Hello! It is almost midnight.
-
And that means it's time to announce
who we have selected...
-
- What's up?
- Have you seen the girl I was with?
-
No, I haven't seen her,
but you missed it.
-
I beat some kid's butt. It was crazy.
-
Now, the moment you've
all been waiting for.
-
- Carter? Carter. Carter, come on.
- Your new North Valley High...
-
...homecoming prince and princess...
-
- I'm gonna be late.
... are Prince Charming and Cinderella!
-
It's you, bro. It's you.
-
My dear, I must bid you adieu.
I'm sorry.
-
- A what?
- I gotta go. I'm sorry.
-
Hurry up!
-
Bravo! There he is, bravo! Looks like
Cinderella is playing hard to get.
-
- I almost kissed Austin Ames!
- I totally, totally kissed Shelby Cummings!
-
Wait, so, what...? What did he say
when he found out that you were you?
-
He didn't say, because he didn't find out.
-
You didn't tell him? Why not?
-
Carter, I live in an attic, okay?
-
I drive a beat-up old car,
and he's expecting Malibu Barbie.
-
I'll be doing him a favor
if I just disappear.
-
- Shotgun.
- Oh, no, I'm shotgun.
-
- Get in already.
- Stop pulling.
-
Where are your crowns?
Where are your prizes?
-
- Winners get prizes.
- We didn't win, Mom.
-
Some girl stole it from us.
-
I am very, very, very, very upset
about this.
-
- You don't look upset.
- It's the Botox.
-
I can't show emotion
for another hour and a half.
-
- I told you she wanted me bad.
- Carter, just drive.
-
- Spam?
- Spam?
-
Mom!
-
- It's Sam! Over there.
- Over there.
-
Hi, Mrs. Montgomery.
-
- Mom, she was there. She's in the car.
- We saw her, Mom.
-
That's ridiculous.
She's working tonight.
-
- She would never disobey me.
- She was there.
-
- She was with him.
- In the car.
-
- I saw...
- Shut your cat face.
-
- Did they see me?
- No, I don't think so...
-
...but the wannabe Olsen twins
might have.
-
I know you wanna take care of this car,
but can you step on it?
-
In case you haven't noticed, I'm already
going 38 in a 35-mile zone, Sam...
-
...so can you just lay off, please?
-
Come on, catch up to them.
-
Will you speed up? We've got to
beat Sam back to the diner.
-
Shut up, girls. We'll be back
at the diner soon enough.
-
Soon enough isn't soon enough!
-
What are you doing?
Take your paw off the gas!
-
I can't. It's stuck!
-
Go, go.
-
Carter, you could've totally
made that light.
-
FYI, Sam, yellow means slow down,
okay? Not speed up.
-
I need The Fast and the Furious,
not Driving Miss Daisy.
-
We're gonna die!
-
Was that...?
-
- Mother, stop!
- We're gonna die!
-
I think I need to use the litter box.
-
Oh, my God. My face is back.
-
- I told you she wasn't here.
- No dope.
-
- Where is Sam?
- What do you mean, where is Sam?
-
- Where do you think she is?
- She better be here.
-
Fiona, I was gonna talk to you about
something that I really... Fiona, wait!
-
I want my breasts done.
Where did you get those?
-
San Diego. Excuse me.
-
Did you notice how shiny the floors
are since we switched to Mr. Clean?
-
What are you, a commercial? Click.
-
Oh, mommy, oh.
-
Fiona, I'm so glad you're here,
because...
-
The fish. Nemo is no more. Smell.
-
- There is a tear in one of the booths.
- We were gonna tell you.
-
What am I supposed to do
with a dead fish?
-
Everyone, shut up!
-
When I find her, I'm gonna wring her...
-
Order's up.
-
- Sam. What are you doing back there?
- Just working on my cooking skills.
-
Yeah, I was teaching her to make
pancakes with salmon.
-
How was the dance, girls?
-
You know, something stinks
around here.
-
And it's not the fish.
-
You're gonna get it. Come on, girls.
-
We made it, and not a scratch.
-
- Girls, come on.
- You bit me, you dumb face.
-
Car smells like bad cheese.
-
- Don't put your dirty paws all over me.
- Pushing me.
-
What is he doing here?
-
Tonight must be my lucky night.
-
Okay.
-
Mrs. Montgomery...
-
...your sign hit my...
-
...car.
-
- Gozaimasu, Fighting Frogs.
Here's your daily drought reminder:
-
Only flush for number two.
-
Austin Ames was crowned prince
of the homecoming dance.
-
Big shocker there.
Didn't see that one coming.
-
But the real mystery, though,
is who was his princess?
-
- How long are you grounded for?
- Well, how long is forever?
-
- So you're not gonna tell Austin?
- Come on, Carter.
-
It's not like he'll pine for me. Trust me,
he's forgotten all about Cinderella by now.
-
Yeah, he's obviously forgotten
all about you.
-
Dude, why are you going through
all this trouble for one chick?
-
Look, she's not just some chick, all right?
She was real.
-
- Real. Like, she still had her old nose.
- No, real.
-
A girl who has more on her mind
than what she wears...
-
...or how much weight
she wants to lose.
-
- She listens to me.
- Listens to you?
-
Hey, brother, I listen to you, okay?
I feel your pai...
-
- Hello, kitty.
- Yeah, you're a great listener.
-
- Well...
- Look, man, you found her cell phone.
-
- You just gotta get some clue from that.
- The phone's locked.
-
I keep getting messages like, "I need you,"
and, "Come see me now. "
-
- Oh, dude, it's so hot.
- See, that's what I thought.
-
- Until I got one that said, "Come fix fryer. "
- Oh, dude, that's hot and kinky, baby.
-
You know what I'm saying? Can I get one?
Let me get a pound, baby.
-
He's looking for you everywhere.
Tell him it was you.
-
Isn't it better to cling
to what might've been...
-
...instead of ruining everything
with reality?
-
- You can't hide from him forever.
- Not forever.
-
Just until graduation, when I leave
this place and never see him again.
-
Okay, so, what about you, Zorro?
When are you gonna tell Shelby?
-
Well, I've been thinking about doing
just that, as a matter of fact.
-
Right. Okay, so the day you tell Shelby
it was you, I'll tell Austin it was me.
-
- Deal.
- Deal.
-
Look in the yearbook again.
-
- Maybe she's foreign exchange. That's hot.
- Totally. That's, like... That's, like, le hot.
-
Look, there's no way I missed her.
I mean, we had a connection.
-
- Thanks.
- Jeez, are you okay?
-
Keep your legs straight.
Straighter, straighter.
-
What are you doing? Brianna!
After the flip, it's the butterfly rollover.
-
- No, it's not. It's mermaid plunge!
- Yes!
-
Oh, my God. I cannot wait
for my solo career!
-
When are we going solo?
-
He was so mysterious,
but really obvious at the same time.
-
I mean, kind of dangerous, but very safe.
And wild, but tame.
-
I'm gonna go change.
-
I cannot believe you're gonna tell Shelby
it was you.
-
Sam, once she realizes that she's found
her Zorro, okay, she'll be thrilled.
-
- Now, watch and learn.
- Good luck.
-
- And, oh, my God, when I kissed him, I...
- Enough already.
-
Madison, I think somebody's got a green
monster on their back called Mr. Jealousy.
-
- Shelby, baby, what's up?
- And you are?
-
Yeah. Allow me to refresh your memory.
-
- Zorro.
- You mean zero.
-
- Who is he?
- That's Carter Farrell.
-
He's the guy you cheat off
of in Algebra II.
-
The freak who hums show tunes?
-
- I'm in front.
- Quit it.
-
Sorry.
-
- Let me in the front.
- Listen.
-
Last night I had a very bad cold,
and I drank a whole bottle of NyQuil.
-
- I just wasn't myself.
- But I thought we had, like, a connection.
-
Okay. We don't have anything.
-
We are from completely different classes
of human.
-
Let's go back to our usual lives,
where we only mingle...
-
...when I copy you in Algebra II, okay?
-
- "Okay?"
- We didn't rehearse it!
-
Was that good?
-
You all right?
-
If she thinks she's still cheating off me,
she's crazy.
-
- Guys, I don't know about this.
- Come on.
-
- Just trust us.
- We asked every girl...
-
...if they were with you at the dance.
These said yes.
-
- Oh, no. No, no, no.
- Austin! Introduce me on the cell phone.
-
- Guys, come on.
- Sit down here.
-
Okay! Austin Ames!
-
Let's bring out bachelorette number one!
-
She's a transfer from Woodland Hills,
enjoys collecting puka shells...
-
...long walks on the beach
and getting tubed.
-
Pleased to meet you, Missy!
-
- What's up, Austin?
- Thanks for coming, Missy.
-
- See you, dude.
- You're dead.
-
Okay, okay, let's bring out
bachelorette number two!
-
This little filly's into barbells...
-
...World War II and protein shakes.
Here's Helga.
-
Thank you.
-
You are so dead.
-
- Okay, okay, next up is...
- Enough, enough. Guys, come on.
-
Look, you're beautiful, okay?
But I'm not your prince.
-
- You'll meet him someday, but it's not me.
- Thanks, Austin.
-
- Late entry.
- David, you stop it right now.
-
You're a bad boy,
and that is a terrible shirt.
-
Everybody, back to your class.
-
Hi, Ryan.
-
That's not fair!
-
Don't want that, don't want that,
don't want that, don't want that.
-
Accepted? Oh, this won't do.
-
- Hey. Anything in the mail for me?
- Oh, actually...
-
...there's a personalized letter here
from Ed McMahon...
-
...saying you just won a million dollars.
-
Don't spend it all in one place.
-
I need to know who you are.
I can't take my mind off you.
-
Please tell me who you are.
-
Okay.
-
- My name is...
- Sam!
-
- You missed the "Do Not Disturb" sign.
- No, I saw it.
-
So you almost done with my report?
It's due Friday.
-
- I'm working on it.
- Well, hurry up.
-
It makes me nervous
to have to wait for it.
-
Imagine how nervous you'd be
if you actually had to write it.
-
My God, you're right.
-
So this time, could you try
to make it sound more like me?
-
I'm so sick of having to explain
why I sound so smart on paper...
-
...and so not smart not on paper.
-
- Sam? Can you come downstairs?
- I'll be right there.
-
Now!
-
I'll be right back.
-
Hurry up.
-
Who the heck is Nomad?
-
"Cinderella, are you not talking to me
because you freaked...
-
...when you found out I'm...
-
...Austin Ames?"
-
Sam is Cinderella?
-
- I got in.
- Austin!
-
- Austin.
- What?
-
What's going on?
-
Nothing.
-
Let me guess. You're thinking,
"Is USC really the right choice for me?"
-
Well, yeah. I've been thinking
a lot about this and...
-
Don't worry about it. You're making
the right choice, all right?
-
Okay.
-
It's me, Austin. It's Cinderella,
from the dance.
-
Oh, you found me.
-
Oh, no.
-
"You see, Austin, I live in this world... "
-
Full of people pretending
to be something they're not.
-
- Pretending...
- "I miss you. I don't want... "
-
I got it.
-
- How are you doing?
- Good.
-
- Regular wash?
- No, more like the royal treatment.
-
I mean, that's what Cinderella
would want.
-
- What did you just say?
- I'm her, Austin.
-
I'm Cinderella, your dream girl.
-
- You see, I live in a world full of...
- You.
-
What are you doing here?
-
I'm Cinderella,
coming to meet my prince.
-
That's a little hard,
considering I'm Cinderella.
-
I mean, I'm the most "Cinderelly"
Cinderella there ever was.
-
Ladies, ladies, ladies.
Look, I can settle this, all right?
-
The girl that I met at the dance,
she dropped something on her way out.
-
- What was it?
- Oh, that's easy.
-
- A wallet.
- No.
-
- I meant a wallet-purse.
- No.
-
A fish.
-
- A fish?
- It was the first thing...
-
...that popped into my head.
You said, "wallet-purse. " What's that?
-
- Austin?
- Well.
-
Look what you did. See?
You always ruin everything.
-
I was supposed to be Cinderella.
I'm the oldest.
-
By a minute and 26 seconds.
And you never let me forget it!
-
- Well, maybe this will help you remember.
- No.
-
Come here!
-
You're dead. I'm gonna kill you!
-
Bri?
-
Oh, I'm gonna kill you! Get off!
-
- That's what you get for stealing my idea!
- Hey, Dad, isn't that our car?
-
- I hate you!
- I hate you!
-
- Oh, no!
- Not the...
-
- Hot wax!
- Hot wax!
-
Thank you. Have a good night.
-
- Bobby, can I get two BLT's?
- It's coming.
-
That's him.
-
- That's good. Go over.
- No.
-
Hey.
-
Can I get you something?
-
Do you know what bugs me?
-
- People taking your order?
- No.
-
Taking people's orders.
-
- Why would you do that?
- You don't know my dad.
-
Sushi and doughnuts? Who does that?
-
- I'll take a coffee. Thank you.
- Excuse me, miss?
-
Do you ever feel like if you show
someone who you really are...
-
...they won't accept you?
-
Yeah. I do.
-
Like being yourself isn't good enough.
-
- Right.
- Like you're wearing a mask.
-
That's exactly how I feel.
-
You just wanna be honest with this person
and tell them, "It's me.
-
I'm the one that you've
been looking for. "
-
Yeah.
-
Austin...
-
...I'm...
- Sam!
-
- One second.
- No, now.
-
No, it's cool, I gotta bounce.
-
Oh, great, thank you so much.
-
Thank you very much, Sam.
-
You're welcome.
-
Bonjour, Fighting Frogs.
Here's your daily drought reminder:
-
Don't hose your lawn, your car,
or anybody else, for that matter.
-
And remember, tickets
for the big game go on sale...
-
And then she told us that she was
going to try to steal...
-
...Austin away from you
if that was the last thing she did.
-
Our stepsister has always been
jealous of you.
-
Go on.
-
Well, that's when she invented
this whole Cinderella plot.
-
She got ahold of Austin's
e- mail address...
-
...and that's when she
started the whole affair.
-
We wanted to tell you sooner,
but she threatened to kill us.
-
She's such a monster.
-
Look, if you don't believe us,
look at the e-mails.
-
She goes by Princeton Girl 818,
but her real name is Sam Montgomery.
-
And we're Brianna and Gabriella.
-
So that little boyfriend stealer
thinks she can pull a fast one on me?
-
Well, we'll just see about that.
-
Austin was really late today and asked me
if you'd read this announcement.
-
"Cinderella...
-
...if you're listening, your prince wants to
rendezvous with you after the pep rally. "
-
Nothing like a pep rally
to warm up our prince.
-
Carter! I talked to him.
And not as Cinderella.
-
I talked to him as me, Sam,
and he didn't hate me.
-
So you told him everything?
-
No, not everything. Not the part
about me being Cinderella.
-
But I'm gonna go tell him right after
the pep rally. You coming, cowboy?
-
- So you think I look like a real cowboy?
- Sure.
-
- Who we gonna beat?
- The Lancers!
-
- And when we gonna beat them?
- Friday!
-
Good news. I just got off
the phone with Hank Cole.
-
You play well on Friday, and your future
is set at USC football.
-
That's great, Dad.
-
And who's gonna lead us to victory?
-
- Austin!
- I can't hear you!
-
- Kill the Lancers!
- Austin!
-
The cheerleaders have put together
a skit to help get us in the spirit.
-
I love you, Shelby!
-
Thank you.
-
"Once upon a time, there was
a big, strong Fighting Frog.
-
He had a beautiful girlfriend, and his dad
owned the biggest pond in all the land.
-
But he still wasn't happy.
-
If only he can find a princess,
then she could kiss him...
-
...turn him into a prince,
and they would run away together.
-
One night, after the slimy frog
ditches his super-hot...
-
...senior-poll-most-popular girlfriend,
he meets his princess. "
-
Your highness.
-
"Alas, it turned out that our frog
not only had a secret identity...
-
...but also had a secret e-mail relationship
with a pen pal named Princeton Girl. "
-
This isn't good.
-
Dear Princeton Girl, I can't wait
till we finally get to meet.
-
You're the only one
who understands the real me.
-
The man who doesn't want
to play USC football.
-
But who wants to be at Princeton,
with you.
-
- What are they talking about?
- Nothing.
-
Dear Nomad, I want you to know
who I am, but I'm scared!
-
I'm scared that you'll reject me.
-
And I've never had a real kiss before.
-
- I can't believe they're reading my e-mails.
- Let's go.
-
But our princess had a secret too.
-
She wasn't royalty at all, but a geek,
a loser, a servant girl.
-
Yeah!
-
Any ideas about this?
-
And who, may you ask, is this imposter?
-
Give it up for the pretend princess,
diner girl, Sam Montgomery!
-
Diner girl! Diner girl!
Diner girl! Diner girl!
-
Come on.
-
- Sam!
- Go away!
-
But, Sam, you've got a letter
from Princeton.
-
What does it say?
-
I didn't get in.
-
Oh, no!
-
And you studied so hard.
-
I can't believe I actually thought
I had a chance.
-
Sam, I'm heartbroken.
-
Life can be so unfair.
-
Well, just look at the bright side.
-
You have a job at the diner
for the rest of your life.
-
You want a cookie?
-
They're so moist.
-
People like her don't belong
in our world, Austin.
-
Sam, what are you doing?
-
I'm trying to get these floors clean.
-
Come on, sweetie, get up.
-
What I meant is, what are you
doing with your life?
-
I'm diner girl. I'm doing what
diner girls do, Rhonda.
-
Baby, what's gotten into you? You don't
even realize how blessed you are.
-
Look, you've got a whole family
behind you.
-
We have faith in you.
-
And you gotta have faith in yourself.
-
Mother!
-
- Sam just ruined your wall.
- What?
-
Yes, you did. Well, that's gonna come
out of your paycheck.
-
And cover up those stupid words.
-
"Never let the fear of striking out
keep you from playing the game. "
-
All right. I'm going off to
get some more lipo.
-
Come on, girls. Sam, I need you
to clean the pool tonight.
-
No.
-
Excuse me?
-
You heard me. I quit.
-
I quit this job. I quit your family.
And I'm moving out.
-
Oh, and where are you gonna live?
-
With me.
-
You can't just walk out on me.
-
You know what, Fiona?
-
You can mess with your hair,
your nose and your face...
-
...and you can even mess
with my dad's diner.
-
But you're through messing with me.
-
Wait up, Sam.
-
You take one more step, and you're fired.
-
Oh, no, that won't be necessary,
because I quit too. And you know what?
-
The only reason why I put up with
you all these years is because of that girl.
-
Now that she's free of you, nothing
is stopping me from kicking your butt.
-
Come on, no. Not my face. It's much
newer than the girls. Go for the girls!
-
- Mom!
- Rhonda? Rhonda!
-
She's not even worth it.
-
- You're right.
- You know what? I quit too.
-
Me too. Hey, Rhonda. Eleanor.
Hold up, I need a ride.
-
See you.
-
Well...
-
See you.
-
Send me a bill.
-
Fiona actually thought
you were gonna slug her.
-
I was gonna do more than that.
-
I had no idea that you were that tough.
-
Yeah, but I always knew that you were.
-
Rhonda...
-
...are you sure that this is okay?
-
Sam, I wouldn't have it any other way.
-
I haven't felt this much at home
in such a long time.
-
I'm sure, compared
to the Addams Family.
-
- What's on your mind?
- I gotta do something tonight.
-
Don't wait up for me, okay?
-
Welcome to the start of tonight's game
between the South Bay Lancers...
-
...and the North Valley Fighting Frogs!
-
Big welcome to all returning alumni to
tonight's 38th annual homecoming game!
-
- Check it!
- Chick at 3 o'clock!
-
- Hey, diner girl!
- What's she doing in here?
-
What are you doing in here?
-
Sam.
-
- Okay, I know you think I'm just some...
- Coward? Phony?
-
- Okay, just listen.
- No, you listen.
-
You turned out to be exactly
who I thought you were.
-
I never pretended to be somebody else.
It's been me all along.
-
And it was me who was hurt
in front of everybody.
-
Look, I didn't come here
to yell at you, okay?
-
I came to tell you I know what it feels
like to be afraid to show who you are.
-
I was. But I'm not anymore.
-
And the thing is, I don't care
what people think about me...
-
...because I believe in myself.
And I know that things are gonna be okay.
-
But even though I have no family
and no job and no money for college...
-
...it's you that I feel sorry for.
-
- Heads up. Yo, five minutes.
- I'm coming.
-
I know that guy that sent those e-mails
is somewhere down inside of you.
-
But I can't wait for him...
-
...because waiting for you is like
waiting for rain in this drought.
-
Useless and disappointing.
-
Sam.
-
- Sam.
- Hey. What are you doing here?
-
Rhonda told me where you might be. I
thought you could use a friend. Come here.
-
Sam, I'm so proud of you.
You did...
-
Your stepmom and Austin,
all in one day. How do you feel?
-
I'll let you know when I can catch
my breath. Let's do something tonight.
-
Well, I was actually thinking
about going to the game...
-
...but I understand
if you don't wanna do that.
-
No, I'll go.
-
Really? You'll go to the game?
-
Yeah. I can handle it now.
It'll be our first and last.
-
And besides, if I don't go, who else
is gonna explain the game to you?
-
I like what you're wearing.
What character are you today?
-
- Myself.
- I think it's your best look.
-
Thank you.
-
Come on, everybody. Weren't they great?
Let's hear it for them.
-
Let's give our cheerleaders a big hand.
Make some noise.
-
Austin and I are almost back together.
It isn't official or anything, but it's on.
-
- Sorry, guys.
- Sorry.
-
Okay, everybody. Get ready.
Here they come!
-
I'm glad you came, Sam.
-
The defending regional conference
champions, your very own Fighting Frogs!
-
Both the Lancers and the Frogs
enter the game...
-
...tied for the lead in the
conference standings.
-
The winner of tonight's game will advance
to the playoffs for the state championship.
-
Austin.
-
Austin. All right, buddy.
This is the big one, all right?
-
You stay focused and win it.
-
- Everyone is counting on you. All right?
- Andy!
-
Hey, Chuck! How you doing, pal?
-
Let's do it again! One more time.
-
Down, set, 28 guarding, 28 guarding!
-
Hike!
-
The clock is stopped with nine seconds
left in the game.
-
- The Frogs need one touchdown to win.
- I love football! I love football!
-
I love football!
-
Austin! Austin! Austin!
Austin! Austin!
-
Carter, I thought that I could handle this,
but I really can't. I'm gonna go.
-
You know what? I'll tell you
how it ends, okay?
-
- Come on!
- Do it, baby!
-
This is the one. This is the one, Austin.
This is the one.
-
- Sorry, boys.
- Where are you going?
-
What's he...? What is he...?
-
What's the problem?
-
- What are you doing?
- I'm out of here.
-
What? You're throwing away your dream!
-
No, Dad. I'm throwing away yours.
-
It's your game now. Go get them.
-
Substituting for Ames is number 23,
Ryan Henson.
-
- Austin!
- Austin! Get back here!
-
Austin, what are you doing?
-
Something I should've done
a long time ago.
-
Sorry I waited for the rain.
-
It's okay.
-
No!
-
Oh, my God.
-
Touchdown! The Fighting Frogs have won.
They've done it. They won the game.
-
Oh, my... You gotta
love high school.
-
So we won the big game that day.
-
But what I remember most
was I got my prince.
-
And a really bad cold.
-
After that, it was like everything
fell into place.
-
My dad was right. The fairy tale book
did contain something important.
-
Take this one and take the
two cars in the front.
-
I can pay for those parking tickets!
-
Actually, I'm selling your cars, Fiona.
For college tuition money.
-
What gives you the idea
you can sell our cars?
-
- She owns them.
- Exactly. I own them.
-
I'm the county district attorney.
Have you ever seen this before?
-
I've never seen that before.
-
Isn't this your signature
on the witness line?
-
I have never seen my
husband's hidden will before.
-
I'm afraid you're gonna have to come
downtown with me, ma'am.
-
That hidden will stated that the house,
the diner and everything belonged to me.
-
It turned out my stepsisters knew where
Fiona had filed my real acceptance letter.
-
I got it!
-
My dad's diner was restored
to its former glory.
-
And my stepmother
made a deal with the DA.
-
She's working off her debt
to society at Hal's...
-
...under the watchful eye
of my new partner.
-
And my stepsisters? They finally put
their teamwork to good use.
-
Austin's dad finally came around
and got off his Trojan horse.
-
Things even cleared up for Carter.
-
Anything is possible if you just believe.
-
He ended up filming a commercial.
-
And in addition to
landing that commercial...
-
...Carter also landed the girl.
-
The San Fernando Valley
was clear and beautiful...
-
...the way it only is after a big rainstorm.
-
As for Austin and me, well,
I finally got my cell phone back.
-
We wound up going to Princeton together
and lived happily ever after.
-
At least for now.
Hey, I'm only a freshman.
-
[ENGLISH]
-
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