5 AMAZING Tips for Healthy Relationships | Kati Morton

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Hey everybody, happy Monday.

Now today we're gonna
talk about relationships

and how to have healthy and happy ones.

But before we get into that,

I know we have a lot of new people here

and if you have a question or concern

or if you're wondering if I
talked about something before,

just hope into the search bar on YouTube,

put in my name, Kati Morton,

and then some key words for your search,

like relationships, anxiety,
depression, or whatever.

I have over 1,200 videos, so chances are

I've talked about it already.

Okay, now to get into today's topic.

I've talked a lot about
toxic relationships.

We've discussed how to deal with it

when those who are
toxic are in our family,

we've gone through how to
end an unhealthy friendship,

and pretty much everything in between.

I mean, I even dedicated an
entire chapter in my book

to toxic relationships.

So I know it's something that
we all have to deal with.

But what I haven't talked enough about,

is how to start healthy ones.

How do we make sure that
we don't get into toxic

relationships in the first place?

Are there things we can do to ensure

we're picking the right people?

What about our role in relationships?

What can we do to be a better partner,

friend, or family member?

So that's what we're
gonna go through today.

How to have happy and
healthy relationships.

The first thing I want
to address, is our past.

I know we want to change things right now,

but in order to do that,
we have to recognize

what a normal relationship
looks like to us.

Regardless of how good
or bad our childhood was,

we all come out of it with some habits,

and what we end up thinking is normal.

So take some time and consider what your

parents relationship was like.

Did they fight a lot? Did they yell a lot?

Did they never yell, like ever ever?

Were they loving and
supportive of one another?

What about how they treated
you and your siblings?

How would they discipline
you? Communicate to you?

Next I want you to think
about your past relationships.

Is there a pattern there? Are
there certain types of people

that you seek out for friendships
or romantic relationships?

What about your breakups?
How did those happen?

What was your role in those breakups?

Trust me, We all have our own role.

What about their role?
What role did they play?

Or do you not have any relationships?

Can you think about why that is?

What are you protecting yourself from?

What would it mean if
someone did actually like you

and end up getting close?

I know that's a shit ton of questions,

but something that we all
need to do is just consider

what we do and don't do
in relationships already,

and look for any patterns.

In all honesty that's a
lot of what I do in therapy

with my patients. Help
them see patterns, issues,

and even ways that they're acting out

of their childhood experience.

Trust me, we all do this.

But being aware ends up
really helping when we go

looking for new and more
healthy relationships,

and my second tip, slow down!

Everyone seems to rush
into things these days.

Feeling the need to share their
relationship status online,

wait, is that even a thing
anymore? I might be too old.

But either way, I know that
many of my friends feel

pressured to find a mate, get
married, have kids because

that quote unquote "clock is ticking".

Uck. I'm sick of it.

No good relationship
was rushed, or forced.

Friendships, or romantic relationships.

It takes time to healthily let someone in,

get to know them well, and
even get to know yourself

in that relationship, trust
me, sometimes we're both great

but together it's just a bad recipe,

and you should have time to
consider how things are going.

How you feel. What your friends
think about this new person.

I know some of you might
even hate that I said that,

but trust me, our friends can
often see things we can't,

and let's be truthful, if we
don't trust our friends take

on things, then why are we
friends with them at all?

Rushing into any kind of
relationship can sometimes be okay,

when it just magically
works out and you get along

really well for years and
years to come, but usually

it leads us to find out
things way too late.

Like let's say it's a romantic
relationship we're talking

about and we get married too
quickly. Then we realize that

they have a gambling
addiction, and we had no idea

and they have all this debt.

Or maybe they're into
some kinky sex stuff,

and you just aren't.

I don't know, I mean there's
so many facets to each of us

so make sure you're giving
yourself the time to see

who they truly are, and allow
them to really see you too.

Number three, Give each other space.

This ones important because
codependency is a real thing

people, and it's so common.

In order to grow as a person
and continue doing all

the things we love, we need
to have the space to just

be ourselves.

This could be having time
for friendships or romantic

relationships, no one person
should expect you to spend

all your time with them.

Sure they could like being
with you and not have a problem

spending a lot of time together,
but you should both feel

free to do things on your own,
make decisions on your own,

and just be yourself.

If we don't allow our
new friend, or loved one,

and ourselves the space
to do what we love,

we don't grow together,
we smother together

and just like a fire, if you
smother it, it will go out.

So make sure you feel
free in any relationship

to go, and do your own thing.

This kind of ties into a story
that I told in my book about

a boyfriend of mine really
really smothering me,

and I ended up asking him
if he needed or wanted me,

and he emphatically was like
'I need you', and I knew

at that point, I had to break up with him,

and I know that can sound
like really dramatic,

but it's true. We all should
be wanted, not needed.

Because we all are whole on our own,

We have everything we
need inside ourselves.

Number four, show mutual respect.

Once we've slowed down and
gotten to know each other well

and are settled into our
relationship, we should have

a certain level of
respect for one another.

You've got a really busy
week and don't think you'll

have time for dinner?

I totally get it, thanks for
letting me know ahead of time.

If I'm upset with our last
conversation, you listen to me

and you let me explain my
side, and then I listen to you

and I get your take on it.

Relationships are a lot of
push and pull, give and take,

but that all comes with mutual respect.

I can't tell you how many times
I overhear a couple fighting

saying terrible things to one
another, shouting at someone

in public is not respectful
to either of you.

Neither is calling you names,
or telling the other person

how terrible you think they are.

We all have to show
respect for those we are in

relationships with,
otherwise it can turn toxic.

Then fifth and finally,
be willing to forgive.

No one is perfect, and
expecting that from ourselves

or someone else, that's
not healthy at all.

We all say things we don't
mean, we're gonna let each other

down and do things that we
wish we could take back.

Expecting perfection from
anyone we're in a relationship

with will only force it
into the toxic realm.

We all have to be open
to hearing them out,

listening while they
explain, and sharing our own

point of view without yelling,
or being disrespectful.

If we have the other tips
we already talked about,

they're already happening
in your relationship,

we should be good to go.

We should be able to listen,
seek to understand their side

and feel heard ourselves.

Then, we should be able to
process through what happened,

make changes where needed, and move on.

We all need forgiveness at
some point in our lives,

and those we have close
relationships with will be

the first to give it to us,
and to ask for it when needed.

We will all be in relationships
that don't work out,

and unfortunately I can't
tell you exactly how to find

people that'll be healthy
for you, because we're all

different and that's what
makes it so wonderful!

But I assure you, keeping
these tips in mind will ensure

that the relationships you
start have a chance to succeed,

and if for whatever reason
it doesn't work out,

know that that's okay too.

Some relationships just run
their course, or you grow

apart or you have different goals in life.

Let's not forget that people
change, but if we do our best

to check our own baggage,
take our time, give them space

when they need it, show them
respect and be willing to

forgive, we are setting
ourselves up for healthy

and happy relationships.

I hope you found this helpful,
and if there are tips that

you would like to share that
have helped you cultivate

healthy, happy relationships

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please leave those in
the comments down below,

and I will see you next time.

Bye!

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