Elders React to Eyeball Licking

♪ (ragtime music) ♪

(collective giggling)

- (boy filming) Do it.

- Wait, what is she doing?

- (boy) Gotta tilt your head.

(in video: laughter)

- (girl) This is really weird,
the tongue is going...

- A crazy little girl.

- (boy) Go over it.
- Oh... gross.

- (boy) Just go over it.
- (disgusted) Oh!

- (boy) Just go over it.
- AAH!!

- Oh my god.

- Don't we have, like, a lot
of germs in our mouth?

♪ ("So Long, Farewell"
playing in background) ♪

- Aah! Lookit, she's doing it.
She's doing it.

- Can you get conjunctivitis from that?

- And they're watching Sound of Music.

- Oh no. We're just starting a new thing.

- Is this like a new trend
that I haven't heard about yet?

(boy speaks indistinctly)
- (girl) Do it.

- What is the point?

- I wanna try it.

(girl titters)

- Oh gee, that's weird. That's too weird.

- Oh, it's a little pornographic.

- Why? Oh god, why? It's disgusting.

- Aaaaaah! Aah, my goodness!

- Ew.

-Ew.

- (disgusted) Oh! Oh, oh.

Oh-ho-ho, that's gross!

- Ew!

I don't get it. I don't-- oh!

It's disgusting.

- Okay. What was the purpose of that?

- Is that even legal?

(movie reel clicks)

- (Finebros) All right. So what
did we just show you?

- You showed several
tongue-eye connections.

- Eyeball lickers.

- Some kids licking each other's eyeballs.

- I bet that's the latest craze now,
to lick somebody's eyeball.

- (Finebros) How did it
make you feel watching it?

- Squirmish.

- Disgusted.

- Disgusted! It made me
sick to my stomach.

Plus, how stupid are they?

- (Finebros) So what
is the reason you think

they're doing this to each other?

- Do not know. I'm hoping you can tell me.

- It's sort of a game.

- It's probably some kind of passing fad.

- They must've seen it on
the internet or on TV or something.

- For the same reason
people do a lot of things:

just to see what would happen.

- I can't imagine. You must
be paying them a lot.

- (Finebros) So the reality here:

reports are starting
to come out that young people

are licking each other's
eyeballs as a sign of affection.

- It's the dumbest thing I ever heard.

- (grumbles in disgust)

- Thank god I was born in 1937.

- Really? (laughing)
Who starts this stuff?

- Mmph! That wouldn't arouse me.

- (Finebros) Has your eyeball
ever been licked?

- (dryly) No.

- No.

- Never.

- (Finebros) Have you ever
licked anyone's eyeball?

- I have not.

- No.

- I'll lick other things but not eyeballs.

- (Finebros) Now that you know

that this is potentially an arousal thing,

would you partake in this now?
- Not me. Not me.

- I'm a little adventurous sexually,

but that would not be something
that I could see turning me on.

- If it was proven to be
really deepy erotic.

- Yeah! I would-- sure.

- What do you think? They've
invented something new suddenly

after thousands of years
in the history of sex?

Eyeball licking? Come on.

- (Finebros) So more information:

doctors have come out against this.
- (whispers) Thank you.

Won't make a bit of difference,
but thank you, doctors.

- (Finebros) There's reports of people

getting pinkeye from doing this.
- And that's very contagious.

- (Finebros) Worse,
you can damage your cornea.

- Oh my god.

- (Finebros) And you even
could get STDs of the eye.

- Ew. Really? Okay, I'm not trying it.

- (Finebros) What are
your thoughts on that?

- Well, it serves you right.

- Oh. That's a biggie.

- They're stupid. I mean, it's stupid.

But we still have STDs,

so people are stupid when it comes to sex.

- Think of what's in the mouth.

Anybody ever checked out
the bugs that live there, the bacteria?

You're letting your boyfriend
suck your eyeball,

and he's injecting you.

And you're gonna go blind this time, real.

- The dirtiest part of
your body is the mouth.

This thing right here:

cause of probably 80%
of sexually transmitted diseases.

Keep your tongue where it belongs:
in your dirty mouth. (laughs)

- (Finebros) Why do you
think this is something

that young people would adopt?
- It's safety from the waist-up.

(chuckles) Or for the neck-up.

- Maybe they're thinking,
"Only us kids are gonna do this.

So this'll be our own thing.

Adults are certainly not gonna copy this."

- You know, each generation
is gonna take it to the next level.

- I've been there, done that,
but I can't explain it to you.

You won't listen.

- (Finebros) If this is what is
the new thing for young people,

what's the next evolution
of this the following generation?

- I'm afraid. I'd be very afraid.

- Seeing if you can use your tongue

to get the fuzz out of a navel.

- How about nostrils?

- Nostrils!

Do we have a nostril licking
YouTube thing yet?

(Finebros chuckle)
I predict we shall.

- (Finebros) Some have said that
this trend might have started

because there was a music video
that came out of Japan

that showed eyeball licking.
- Oh, okay.

- (Finebros) When things like this happen,

do you blame things like
music videos and celebrities

for these trends?
- Something must be to blame.

- The whole Earth are sheep.

We just follow-- run them
right off the cliff!

- Well, somebody had to start it,

and the fact it was in a music
video by a popular rock band--

lots of kids are gonna
see it and think it's cool,

think it's different, and start doing it.

- There is a lot to be said for
how much do these idols, icons,

need to be paying attention

to what kind of role
models are they being.

- I think the people are running around

trying to blame and figure this out.

You know, go get a life.
I mean, give me a break.

Come on. Experimentation.

Teenagers equal experimentation.

- I don't think you blame them.

If they do it and you copy it,
you're a schmuck; that's all.

(clang!)
- (Finebros) Truth!

And so what would you have told your kids

if you walked in on them
licking someone's eyeball?

- "Ew, stop it."

- Probably would've thrown up
and then left the room.

- Ask them why, very specifically.

And they'd have to give me a good reason.

- I'd yank their head back and say,

"What the [bleep]'s wrong with you?"

- Clean your shotgun.
When they walk in, say, "Hey! Hey!

(cracks up) You licking my girl's eyeball?

You are so freaking toast, dude!

(explosions)
♪ (metal music) ♪

(gunshots)
(eagle cries)

- (Finebros) So finally,
here is your chance

to tell the people of the world,
should they lick eyeballs?

- No!

- Hold hands. Don't lick eyeballs.

- Go ahead and lick the eyeballs.

Better than something below the waste.

- People should not be
licking each other's eyeballs,

'cause you're gonna spread disease.

And that's the word from an old fogy.

- Here we are worldwide

with one of the most pressing
questions of the day.

Should eyeballs be licked?

And the answer is... no.

- Thank you for watching this...

really awful, gross
episode of Elders React.

- Be sure to subscribe
if you enjoyed this episode.

- Goodbye. Stay tuned.
Keep coming back. (blows kiss)

- Bye for now.

- Stop putting your tongue
in people's eyeballs

and go watch Doctor Who.

- I'm signing off now,

but I have a very
important thing to tell you.

Now, come on. Come
a little closer. Little closer.

Open your eye wide.

Mmm!!

♪ (ragtime music) ♪