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Hi, everyone.
Today is a special video.
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We’re gonna go way back
and talk about superheroes.
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The most famous animated series
with superheroes were born in the 90s.
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Like the awesome Batman animated series,
written by Paul Dini.
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Who also wrote Arkham Asylum
and Arkham City.
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Series that came up with new stuff,
such as the Harley Quinn character.
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At that time, there were also Superman
and Justice League,
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which were awesome too.
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From Marvel,
there was some cool stuff:
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Spider-Man, X-Men and so on.
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Those were fine,
but not as good as Batman to me.
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Before we talk about real superheroes
from comic books,
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let’s talk
about the lousy ones first.
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Let’s start with Captain Planet.
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Stop it!
I got it!
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It’s the adventures of five teenagers
from all over the world,
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chosen by Gaia, the spirit of Earth,
to save the planet from pollution.
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I hate it when they try
to make you do things.
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I mean, come on!
We’re all responsible people.
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All episodes follow the same pattern:
some villain pollutes, because…
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they’re a villain.
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I hate clean air.
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And stupid.
Polluting for no reason makes no sense.
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The Planeteers try to stop them,
but fail.
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Gaia must have chosen
the most incompetent people.
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Like in this episode,
where a toxic cloud attacks a bus.
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That cloud wasn’t natural.
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Really?
How do you know?
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Because it had eyes.
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Because it was spooning a bus.
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Because it tried to kill some kids
in a school bus by breaking the axles.
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Anyway, in all episodes,
after a few minutes,
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they call Captain Planet
to beat out the villain, and that’s it.
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That’s basically what happens
in most of the episodes.
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That was all right.
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The problem comes they deal with a topic
they know nothing about.
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Let’s talk about something wonderful
but completely illegal,
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which is doing drugs.
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The episode starts
with a young man in the streets,
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who has just moved to a new city,
as the narrator say.
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It’s tough for him.
He doesn’t know anyone, so…
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Drugs!
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I’ve never seen it happen so fast.
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I mean, you might get into drugs
because of problems building up.
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It’s not just…
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I can’t find my keys.
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I can’t find my keys!
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He doesn’t even start slowly.
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He goes straight to the mutant rat
and takes the bag of glowing pills.
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Then, we see the blonde girl,
who’s actually his cousin.
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And now, because of drugs,
he wears sunglasses
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and skull head T-shirts.
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That makes me sick.
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And because of drugs,
the cousin sets the house on fire.
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It’s a disaster!
What are we gonna do?
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Call 911!
I need to call the insurance!
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No, it’s OK.
Let’s go biking instead, cousin!
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Aren’t we having fun?
And now, how about doing…
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Drugs!
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That was fast.
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I mean, it’s not some weird friend
offering a joint.
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It’s family.
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Hi, Grandpa.
How about a bicycle ride?
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And doing drugs!
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Look at him.
He’s so high, his shirt changes color.
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Anyway, through a clever ruse,
he manages to drug his cousin.
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I don’t get it.
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I don’t see why he would drug
his hot blonde cousin for no reason.
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You’re fucking sick.
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Anyway, meanwhile,
on Hope Island,
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Gaia reveals to the Planeteers
the consequences of doing drugs:
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Washington, DC was destroyed.
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Haven’t you heard what she said?
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Come on, it’s just…
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So, the Planeteers
decide to help the drug victims
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by burning them to ashes!
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Die by fire, fucking addicts!
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From that point,
it becomes a zombie movie.
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People attack the Planeteers.
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The blonde girl’s cousin gets hurt
and starts bleeding to death.
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The black dude helps him…
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My mistake, he doesn’t.
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At the end, of course,
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the cousin understands
that drugs are bad.
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He’s learned his lesson
and won’t do it again.
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I’m kidding.
He dies!
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In horrible pain!
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It’s not a joke.
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Dead?
Like dead for real?
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From an overdose?
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I mean, it’s real death.
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He could have passed out
and come back at the end.
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Saying, “I’ve learned my lesson.”
But no.
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They call Captain Planet,
and they go, “Yeah, Captain Planet!”
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With the dead cousin beneath them.
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Finally, they just leave
the body up there.
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– Anyway, the lesson is…
– Don’t do drugs.
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Don’t ever move out.
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Now, let’s talk about real superheroes
from comic books.
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What I loved was how badass
the intros were.
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So, we’re gonna go back at a time
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when Russians were still bad guys:
the late 60s.
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Music!
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Two things happened in the 60s:
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Hollywood was crashing,
while TV was replacing it.
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Which explains
the growing number of TV shows,
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like Iron Man, Captain America.
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Besides, most of those animated series
were actually motion comics.
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There was also The Fantastic Four,
which was pretty lame.
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However, the French theme song is…
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fantastic.
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They take every risk
The Fantastic Four
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Richards, with his magical arms
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Ben Grimm, the Thing
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Johnny, the Human Torch
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Susan, in her protection field
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The image technician, Jean-Paul!
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And the sound technician, Maxime!
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Anyway, there were memorable
theme songs and animated series.
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Such as the Spider-Man from 1967,
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a well-known source
of Internet memes.
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Another of Jameson’s
wild-goose chases.
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Mystery lights.
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Stop talking to yourself.
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The only lights I’ve seen so far
are fireflies.
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Fasten your seat belts!
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Stop talking to yourself.
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It’s glowing.
Mystery lights, maybe.
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Shut up!
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Gosh, I hate this show.
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The characters keep narrating
what’s happening to the viewer.
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And it’s poorly animated.
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The only positive is they have
all the characters from the comics.
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Like Doctor Octopus in his tracksuit.
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And Pierre Parker.
Yes, they translated the names.
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On top of that, the French version
was dubbed by soulless actors.
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Too late, Spider-man.
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You will pay if you hurt her.
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How did you get caught?
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Do you feel the danger in this dialogue?
Anyway…
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This show is full of flaws.
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Villain!
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Anyway,
even if it was a terrible show,
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at least, they tried to stay true
to the comics.
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Then Japan came in.
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You know the story:
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Peter Parker,
bitten by a radioactive spider,
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gets Spider-man powers…
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Wrong?
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Wrong, because we’re in Japan!
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So, the story starts…
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in space!
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With a lion-headed spaceship
named Marveller,
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watched by two aliens
who want to kill Pr. Yamashiro,
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because he might uncover
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that the Iron Cross Army
is planning to invade the Earth.
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So the girl puts on a shirt
and recovers Bunkuryu,
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the little dinosaur made of clay.
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Meanwhile, on Earth…
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Quiet!
It complicated enough already.
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Meanwhile, on Earth,
they shoot a motorcycle TV show.
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The ship crashes into a mountain.
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Some guy repairs a motorbike, and…
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Wait, isn’t she the alien?
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Why does the other girl
seem to know her?
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She was in the ship…
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And who’s that?
I’m lost…
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You can’t tell them apart.
They all look…
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CANCELED JOKE
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So, the two girls
go with the old guy to the mountain,
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to find the crashed robot.
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Followed by the villain
who wants to invade
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and the clay dinosaur.
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While the motorbike dude
is hearing voices.
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Stop doing close-ups!
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Then the main character’s father,
whose name I forgot…
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Anyway, his father dies.
Then he meets an alien…
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who dies too.
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And who asks him to take revenge
on Pr. Monster in his spaceship.
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So, the alien spaceship
is headed by Pr. Monster.
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Makes sense.
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But where does this fit?
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All right, here’s Spider-man!
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It’s because the planet of the aliens
is called the Spider Planet.
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So, everything makes total sense.
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Anyway, from that point,
the episode is a huge mindfuck.
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Who shows up like that?
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And, of course,
there’s no Spider-man without his…
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giant robot.
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So, he fights a giant robot.
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Then he leaves, riding his Spider-car,
and that’s it.
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That’s the end.
So, to conclude…
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Excuse me, are you Japanese?
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That’s it for Marvel.
Now, let’s talk about DC, with Batman,
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probably the most beloved superhero.
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Batman had many adaptations.
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From the Batman made in 1943,
when he had an awesome suit,
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through the popular TV series
in the 60s,
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to the latest OAVs
that are still being released.
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Besides, a feature film was made
based on the TV series in the 60s.
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It’s important to talk about it,
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so that you understand
how far we got to this…
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from this.
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Surrender!
You criminals!
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It starts with a voice-over
explaining
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that a weapon has been taken
on board this yacht.
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Batman and Robin go after it,
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using a helicopter.
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The Batcopter.
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OK, so the Batcopter
flies over Gotham.
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Every one’s happy.
Robin even waves at the girls…
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or the guy.
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Anyway, Batman tries to reach the yacht,
using a ladder…
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The Batladder.
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It’s just a ladder…
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But, surprisingly,
the yacht vanishes.
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Then Batman is attacked
by the less dangerous shark ever.
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Don’t ever complain
about a Batman movie after that.
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An epic fight takes place…
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Seriously, if only they had muted
the sound of hitting rubber.
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Fortunately, Batman always has
a shark repellent in his helicopter.
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No need to look at me.
What could I add?
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It’s a shark repellent.
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He even has a whale repellent,
the thing that only eats plankton.
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The sharp ends up
letting him go, and…
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explodes?
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Gosh, we’re only 9 minutes
into the movie.
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At Gotham,
after the press conference,
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Batman, Robin, Commissioner Gordon
and some other guy
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decide to find out
who’s behind the vanishing yacht.
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So they go through the list
of super criminals at large,
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commenting on all of them.
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The Penguin, that pompous
waddling master of foul play!
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– The Joker.
– Devilish clown prince of crime!
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If I had a nickel
for every time he baffled us!
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– The Riddler loose too?
– So it seems.
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To plague us with his conundrums.
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Gosh, and the Catwoman!
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She’s…
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Fuck!
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Then we have one of the best
deduction scenes of this movie.
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I remind you that Batman is supposed
to be the greatest detective.
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Before you watch it,
here’s some safety instructions.
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Ladies and gentlemen,
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the scene you are about to see
will not make any sense.
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Before viewing it,
You may leave your brain…
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to the right or the left.
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Please fasten your seat belts.
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Could be any one of them,
but which one?
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Which ones?
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Pretty fishy what happened to me
on that ladder.
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Where there’s a fish,
there’s Penguin.
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Wait!
It happened at sea.
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C for Catwoman!
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Yet,
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that exploding shark
was pulling my leg.
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– The Joker!
– It all adds up to a sinister riddle.
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Riddle-er. Riddler?
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What?
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Bad day for Batman,
the super detective,
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who has fallen straight to eighth,
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behind Derrick and Nestor Burma.
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While the villains are busy doing…
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villain stuff,
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Batman finds out that the fake yacht
was a projection from a bell buoy.
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All that, thanks to the technology
in the Batcave.
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Feed those figures
into the navigational aid computer.
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I don’t know how this works.
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Anyway,
they go investigate that buoy.
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But the villains awaits them.
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In their villain submarine.
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With palms.
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Piloted by pirates.
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Pirates who say “yo-ho!”
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– Diving planes, three degrees.
– Hoist three degrees.
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“On land, you may command.
At sea, it is me!”
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Shut up!
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Anyway, the villains use a device
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to make Batman and Robin
stick to the buoy,
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and take the opportunity
to shoot torpedoes at them.
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Holy glue pot!
What’s going on?
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The fiends!
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They’ve converted
this buoy into a gigantic magnet!
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It’s got us by the metallic objects
in our utility belts.
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Remove your utility belts.
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Torpedoes!
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If I can just reverse the polarity,
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send out waves of super energy…
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Remove your utility belts!
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Here comes another one!
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Confound it!
The batteries are dead!
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Remove your utility belts!
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Who are you?
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Unfortunately, a torpedo
ends up hitting the buoy,
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exploding
with Batman and Robin on it.
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Surface, Mr. Bluebeard!
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Let us feast our eyes
on the watery remains!
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They’re dead?
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I hope so.
Fingers crossed.
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Gosh, the nobility
of the almost-human porpoise.
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It was noble of that animal
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to hurl himself
into the path of that torpedo.
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He gave his life for ours.
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WRITER
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On the shore,
Batman phones the admiral,
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to ask him if he has recently sold
a submarine.
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A porpoise?
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Have I sold a submarine recently?
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I’m an idiot.
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Affirmative, Batman.
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We disposed
of a surplus submarine on Friday.
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A pre-atomic model.
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You’ve been very helpful.
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Your tone sounds grim.
We haven’t done anything foolish?
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Disposing of submarines to persons
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who don’t even leave their addresses?
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Good day, Admiral.
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THE ONLY SMART LINE IN THE MOVIE
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Who cares?
They now have a new riddle.
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“What does a turkey do
when he flies upside down?”
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He gobbles up.
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And number two.
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“What weighs 6 ounces,
sits in a tree and is dangerous?”
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A sparrow with a machine gun.
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SHUT UP!
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Second consecutive fall for Batman,
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who loses three more places,
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and is now behind Inspector Gadget.
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Meanwhile, the villains make a plan
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to kidnap Bruce Wayne
as a trap for Batman,
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with Catwoman
who has to seduce Bruce Wayne.
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The latter accepts, without knowing
she’s Catwoman, of course,
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but still asks Robin and Alfred
to follow them.
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Wait, what?
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Was that Alfred
casually driving the Batmobile
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in front of every one?
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Excuse me, aren’t you Alfred,
Bruce Wayne’s valet?
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That means Bruce Wayne is Batman?
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It could have been worse.
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The porpoise could have been driving
the Batmobile.
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Not so fast.
Be more slow.
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Miss Kitka?
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May I see you home
to that penthouse apartment?
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It’s a metaphor.
He’s actually talking about her…
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All right, meanwhile, in the car…
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I wanted to say for a long time
that I like your little thighs.
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Stop making things up!
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All right.
So, the villains assault Wayne.
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Who comes up with a scathing reply.
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You filthy criminals!
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Despite that verbal attack,
the villains overpower him.
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Meanwhile, in the car…
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– Stop it!
– All right.
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The news is spread worldwide.
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Not that.
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That’s it.
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At the villains’ headquarters,
Bruce Wayne manages to escape,
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while avoiding a trap.
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Besides, we learn
that in the world of Batman,
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anything submerged explodes.
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After each stunt,
in order to recover and relax,
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I drink Clipton Yellow,
a tea for us stuntmen.
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Bruce Waynes returns as Batman
to where he was kidnapped,
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before noticing a bomb
about to explode.
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Robin. Away!
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The scene where Batman
runs with a bomb.
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A very famous scene on the Internet.
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And the bomb explodes.
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But don’t worry, kids.
Batman isn’t dead!
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BATMAN THE EXPLORER
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Guess where I am.
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You don’t see me?
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Look closer.
I’m here!
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– I’m here.
– Holy heart failure!
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Lots of stuff happen.
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The Penguin comes to the Batcave,
then escapes with the Batmobile,
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followed by Batman and Robin.
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Riddler launches a missile
nearly hitting the Batcopter,
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which falls, turns upside down,
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and crashes to the ground!
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If you like Batman, make him die!
So that this can stop!
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Holy horseshoe!
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Some luck,
landing on top of foam rubber!
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I’m alive?
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Enough!
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I didn’t say a word about Alfred,
the porpoise and the riddles.
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One more bullshit,
and I’m out of here!
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So, the Riddler sends…
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Apples into applesauce.
A unification into one smooth mixture.
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An egg, nature’s perfect container.
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The container of our future hopes.
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A unification in a container of hope?
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– United World Organization!
– Precisely!
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That’s it for Batman,
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losing 23 more places,
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and falling behind Scooby-Doo.
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I’ve had enough.
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I’d need thirty more minutes
to talk about the whole movie.
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So, here’s a summary of the end.
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At the UN,
the villains fire at the diplomats,
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who don’t care and keep talking.
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Running in front of a bluescreen.
More pirates.
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More lousy lines.
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The Puy du Fou won.
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Batman realizes Catwoman
was the girl he wanted to score with.
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Holy heartbreak!
Miss Kitka!
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They recover the powder diplomats,
turn them back into humans,
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mistakenly switch their souls,
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but decide to quietly leave
by the window.
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Let’s go, but inconspicuously.
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That was Batman,
the movie from the 60s.
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To conclude that movie
and this video about superheroes…
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Find the Joker, kids!
Find him!
