Pasquale and Rosina Parmiggiano: On Star

Pasquale and Rosina get into some car trouble and must rely on On Star to help them out. However, it doesn't go as well as those commercials would lead you on to believe.

The one and only On Star video. This is the original video brought to you by www.mindofchester.com .
Enjoy!

R: Pasqua, this car is beautiful!

P: You like this car, Rosi' ?

R: Oh, it's ... it's beautiful.

P: Oh yeah. This car's got everything, Rosi'.

R: What is this a Thunderbird?

P: Yep.

R: Is that what you call it? Thunderbird?

P: A Thunderbird yeah. I got power windows, power brakes, I got it all, power everything. I even got a moon roof, a sun roof, I got everything.

R: Hey my butt's all hot! what's goin' on with this car?!

P: this car's got what you call heated seats

R: I like these heated seats? where's the button for my butt?

P: over there on the left's the button. it'll keep your butt all nice and warm.

R: is there a make-up mirror?

P: yeah. right over here's the mirror. put your lipstick on, go on. you like? you see it's got the mirror, power seats, power windows...

R: Boy this is a great car. Finally we got a new car. Did Paladini give you a good deal?

P: Yeah he gave me a great deal, Franco.

R: I like Paladini! He's a friend of mine! What do they say? Friend you friend me! I like Paladini!

P: Friend everybody, Franco! But listen up. You know what I like even better? This car can really fly.

R: Listen up Pasqua'. Can I ask you something? Where the hell are we going?

P: we're heading out on highway 400...

R: 400! Where out in the middle of nowhere. Look there's cows and horses.

P: Hold on lemme get the map.

R: Yeah take a look. Where are we?

P: Madonna! Rosi'!! where the hell did that dear come from?!

R: Pasqua' what the hell happened!?

P: Unbelievable this dear...

R:Where the hell did those horns come out of?

P: I have no idea! Shit! Look what happened!!

R: My leg is bleeding! Look here!!

P: Hold on. I'm gonna call OnStar. Lemme push the OnStar button.

R: Oh. This car's got OnStar?

O: OnStar, this is Shane speaking. Can I help you?

R: Hello!?

P: Scemo listen. Send an ambulance and the police. Help us, scemo, help us.

O: what seems to be the problem, sir? what happened?

P: A deer, a deer hit the car, please Scem'

R: tell him, Pasqua', tell him!

O: is the animal ok, mam? is everything, is the animal breathing?

R: what's he saying now, Pasqua'?

P: he wants to know if the animal's ok! what the hell do I care!?

R: the animal!! are you fucking crazy!? I break my fucking leg you wanna know if this deer it's ok!?

O: sir, I can't hear any information

R: what the hell do I care if the deer it's ok my leg is broken!

O: sir, am I talking to you, or am I talking to your bitch wife?

R: did he just call me a bitch?

P: did you hear, Rosi'?

R: this faggot called me a bitch? bitch? you called me a bitch?!

O: Mr. Parmiggiano, your wife is being very rude to me.

R: fuck me, fuck me! I can't even feel this leg anymore. Bitch you say to me, bitch!! Your mother and your sister!! They were the bitches!! what a stupid asshole!! I want to speak to an Italian manager! An Italian manager right now!! I wanna speak...

O: I don't need this. This is crazy. This is disgusting.

P: Scemo, call the Italian manager right now!

O: And you are being very rude to me.

R: can you believe it, while people are dying ... and this one has to call me bitch. Bitch!

P: you idiot! we wanna speak to the manager. Manager!

O: are you Italian sir?

P: yes. Italian, yes!! from Calabria! call the Italian manager right away!

O: just a second, sir, just one second. I'm going to give you another representative. You just hold on one second.

P: ok hurry up.

O: and don't you be rude to me, mam!

P: oh, scemo, please.

R: fuck you! I wanna speak to your manager, you fucking homo!

O: oh, now you're getting carried away. you're being very bitchy, mam. One second.

M: hello

P: who's this?

M: OnStar. Virgilio.

P: Virgi', listen.

M: yeah, what is it?

P: we're Italian, listen.

M: yeah, I'm Sicilian.

P: well, say hi to Sicily for me, listen.

M: what the fuck is going on?

P: there was a deer, Virgilio, a deer!

M: and what the hell did he say to you, that idiot?

R: Virgilio, Virgilio, let me explain right away.

R: we're driving along in our new car that we got from Paladini the other day. and leave home in the new car and head out on the 400. and then this fucking deer comes along...

M: huh. and this deer, is it still alive?

R: yeah there are the horns!

P: yeah, Virgilio, the deer's still alive.

R: Virgilio, the horns are all up inside the car now! they cut open my leg is what happened!

M: hey listen up. this deer, we can bring it into my kitchen where I have a butcher shop.

R: Virgilio! we're dying here! send us an ambulance! we're about to die!

M: I'll send one I promise. Right away. Don't worry.

R: Pasqua', look to see where there's a hospital. See where the hell we can go.

P: Ok hold on. Virgilio, listen, the car still runs. We're gonna back up.

M: do you have a knife with you?

P: yeah, we got a knife. what do you want me to do with it?

R: Virgilio! Virgilio!

M: i'm thinking maybe we can make some sausage...

R: come one, tonight ... a saint (?). you wanna get go get a knife and feed all of Sicily? while I'm dying here you can go to hell what the fuck?! you can't even send a fucking ambulance!?

P: ok I'm turning around now. We're turning around. Don't worry, Rosi'. I'm taking you to the hospital.

M: Listen.

P: what, tell me, Virgilio.

M: there's a gasoline station called...

P: yeah where? I think I know it. what's it called...

M: Petropagnotta.

R: this company's no good bunch of fucking idiots!stupid fuckiing faggot.

P: which way do I go, Virgilio, right or left? where the hell to I go?

M: listen, signora, what's your name? signora?

R: my name's Rosina.

P: Rosi', tell him not to worry. we're here.

R: I'm feeling light headed, Pasqua', open up a window.

M: turn left, it's on your left.

P: yeah, I took a left. we're here out on the 400 heading south. Rosi' don't worry. My love, so many beautiful memories! Don't worry. We're almost at the hospital...