Keep Ruby Weird 2014 - Ten Years of Ruby Conferences: A Dramatic Revue

Hello

my name is Yukihiro Matsumoto
also known as Matz

it's nice to see a bigger crowd this year

in our first year in 2001
we had only 33 or so

and last year, maybe 50

Why are we here ?

we are here because Ruby is good enough for many of our tasks

so we do not have to talk about that

so I'm going to talk about
How Ruby Sucks

and how we can make it better

...

for exemple, it's slow and inconsistent

how can we fix these

with a major version change from 1.0 to 2.0

this is the opportunity to take one big step

and make big changes which may not be
backward-compatible

but will make Ruby better

to clarify, Ruby 2 is the next version of the Ruby language
and Rite is the VM for Ruby 2

the path we will take through Ruby 2

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then in 1.9 we will work on the syntax changes

I do not know what these changes will be yet

but there will be experiments

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thank you.

()

() sorry.

()

OK!

Here we are.

The first thing we do is called the rails command

to generate the skeleton of the application

so it generates a bunch of things,
a bunch of files

and on the next step, the very next step

it's starting the ruby server

so, seeing that everything works

you don't need prerequisites to this

except? that you have Ruby on Rails installed

(oh no!)

() sorry guys...

(laughs)

OK!

we're going to do this again

(laughs)

(more laughs)

anyway, ...

bye!

[_why]

to command? in Ruby

is really to learn

it stirs you inside

when I walk down the street and look into
people's eyes

I can see their excitement about learning Rails

you know?

I can see that they know
David Heinemeier Hansson

that they want to be him

that they want his ???
and his ways

there's rushing out the streets to get here

...and that's pretty cool

(laughs)

so one of the way I've been messing with Ruby
is with cartoons and stuff

and there's a science behind this,
it's incredibly thought out

I mean, wow...
foxes, you know

of all animals

these are the foxes that I use in the book
I'm working on

and

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is there personality there ?
is there feeling ?

Is there humanism ?

Is there humanity in a technical manual ?

Not really.
there shouldn't be.

Their eyes should be blank, they shouldn't be staring

this is the one I like

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and that's supposed to be sort of frustrating

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[Bryan Liles]

Me, I'm going to talk about BDD with RSpec

but I like to test things around

so let's just talk about BDD

or really, let's just talk about testing
for us normal people

and the real thing I'm trying to get out to
everyone here is that

Test all the fucking time

(laughs)

so the bible says, "in the beginning"

and in the beginning there was, what ?

There was Perl !
(laughs)

Perl is what I knew

... Perl ... Java ?

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so then, a couple of years ago

there was this little Danish guy

he looks like a cartoon character

came up with something call Ruby on Rails

and I can't use the logo, 'cause he says I can't

so, with Ruby on Rails

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and I was still writing bad tests

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some smart guys came up with RSpec

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wow, this is hot

but I'm still writing brittle tests, with funky syntax

and it wasn't helping anyone

(laughs)

so I decided I wasn't ready to give up with RSpec

and I studied, and studied, and studied

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I don't care if it hurts

write the tests first

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test all the fucking time

(laughs)

[Aaron Patterson]

O-M-G
O-M-G

Happy thursday everybody!

(laughs)

Welcome to RubyConf 10

I love that it's Rubyconf X

because I think of it as the eXtreme RubyConf

(laughs)

...?

every time I give a talk, I'm actually very nervous
up here

and a friend a mine told me:
when you're upstage, just think

what would Freddy Mercury do ?

so I put this up here to remind myself
about that, to calm down

so, today we're going to look at
some tips and tricks

for improving performance in your Ruby code

by looking at things...?

to improve the performance of ARel

so how did I get started with this?

there's a feature I wanted to add to Rails
for a very long time

and that is prepared statement caching

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a deeper understanding of ActiveRecord was required

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and fixing bugs in ActiveRecord

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and I thought to myself,
five times slower?

really, five times slower?

how is that possible?
(laughs)

it is possible
it really was five times slower

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and I thought
what could possibly go wrong?

so, motivation

why do we care about speed?

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it's very simple,
like this

(laughs)

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really, I'm just trolling you

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When should I make my code faster?
We need the answer to this

When it isn't fast enough

but then the question is :
what is fast enough?

Whenever I think about this, I think:
well, do people notice it?

and what are you comparing it to?

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and that is subjective

and really, I'm telling you all these things

but I don't want you to believe it

I want you to think critically

and go out and look at this stuff
and analyse it for yourself

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method calls, branching and looping

and you need to reduce objects

what I think is interesting, is that
for clean code

the things to reduce, are exactly the same

therefore

clean code equals performant code

(laughs)

...in conclusion

AKA the things I've learned

system impact

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I learned,
when should I rewrite?

I see it like this

the earliest you should rewrite is when Ryan Davis says so

and the latest you should rewrite is when I say so

(laughs)

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[Sandi Metz]

...?

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brace yourself, because some of it is hard

everything will change

everything.

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I know this is your future
because it is my task

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the Internet is at the center of our lives

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so there you go,
that's your future

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those, unfortunately, are edge cases

this is your real fortune

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you wouldn't ignore the inevitable

you'll be writing code for this right now

(laughs)

accepting the truth of this fortune
makes it clear what's important

the MVPs ...?

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happiness

live as if you'll know you'll die

do. real. things

tell everyone you love them.
today

you might consider getting a little dog
(laughs)

Health

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as a community

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showing up in small ways makes a big difference

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we're bigger than Rails and we're bigger than Ruby

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from scrolls to codexes
all the way to composing drums

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just a second, technical difficulties
(laughs)

(applause)

[Jim Weirich]

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these things to mind

so I try not to use that word

so we're trying to talk instead about
flying robots

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(laughs)

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(drone flying)

so that was the argus library
controlling the drone

and totally not Carol's arm
(laughs)

ok so here's another program,
I'm going to have it take off

using a loop two times,
and making a sweep back and forth

(drone flying)
Take off...

loopy times,
swing back and forth

and land.

How about that !
two successful hardware demos !

(laughs)

(more laughs)

oh who cares...

[Carol] Jeremy,
Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy

[Jeremy] hold on, putting my clothes on

What?

Did you hear about this new conference
Keep Ruby Weird?

yeah, I've heard all about it
it sound fun!

OMG, we should submit something!

well, what do we like?

hmm... Conferences!
[Jeremy] Conferences!

(laughs)

but, how do we make that weird?

[Brenna] Puppets!
[All] Puppets!

but, do you think people will like it?

(applause)

alright I'm gonna stand up here for a second

there's this mic hanging around

so, a lot went wrong there

(laughs)

but I don't think anybody had more fun

than we did it

so I am up here on a stage, holding a puppet of myself

it's even wearing my earrings

I'm up here with two of my favorites people
who are still hiding down here

who are also holding puppets of themselves

but this is a amazing moment
and we are so grateful to everyone

that's made it possible

It's actually you, Brenna
that made this happen

for every hour of work I put it
she put in three

so please, everyone,
some thunderous applause

(thunderous applause)

sharing moments with people
is why we did this

some like this one are amazing

and most other are ordinary

...?

maybe those ordinary ones are pretty good

this is a sandy? set, we're doing real things

and it'll keep us coming back

to the keyboard and the frustration

and the endless planning meetings

and the ever-changing tech landscape

Node? will kill me

Jim Weirich passed away early this year,
as everybody knows

and, through putting on Steel City Ruby

with Carol and a bunch of other people
in Pittsburgh

I got some time with Jim that I wouldn't had otherwise

we shared a meal or two

we shared some jokes,

and one time we shared a song
Jim loved to play the ukulele

that was a pretty cool moment
in the hallway outside Steel City Ruby

three years ago

there's a lot we didn't share though

we didn't share code

we never shared ideas about code or
the projects we were working on

we never share a long cab ride
into a airport

or favorites places to get brunch

I never got to share all the weird shit I made with Rake

I guess what we're trying to say up here
is that

we want to share those moments with you

we don't want to miss another opportunity
to let someone know the impact

they'd have on our lives

maybe making a puppet that looks kinda like
Aaron Patterson

is a weird way to do it
but,

we're standing on the shoulder of giants

and many of them were pretty weird

so thank you again

for giving us a place to hang our hats

thank you for keeping your weird

thank you for optimizing for developer happiness

and for being nice because
Matz is nice

thank you for all the pictures of weird cats

thank you for all the terrible puns

and thank you, again, for never forgetting
to test all the fucking time

(applause)