How to teach kids to talk about taboo topics

When one of Liz Kleinrock's fourth-grade students said the unthinkable at the start of a class on race, she knew it was far too important a teachable moment to miss. But where to start? Learn how Kleinrock teaches kids to discuss taboo topics without fear -- because the best way to start solving social problems is to talk about them.

So, a few years ago,

I was beginning a new unit on race
with my fourth-graders.

And whenever we start a new unit,

I like to begin by having all the students
list everything they know about it,

and then we also list questions we have.

And I had the type of moment
that every teacher has nightmares about.

One of my students
had just asked the question,

"Why are some people racist?"

And another student, let's call her Abby,

had just raised her hand and volunteered:

"Maybe some people don't like black people
because their skin is the color of poop."

Yeah, I know.

So, as if on cue,
my entire class exploded.

Half of them immediately started laughing,

and the other half started yelling at Abby

and shouting things like,

"Oh, my God, you can't say that,
that's racist!"

So just take a second
to freeze this scene in your mind.

There's a class
of nine- and ten-year-olds,

and half of them are in hysterics

because they think
Abby has said something wildly funny,

and the other half are yelling at her
for saying something offensive.

And then you have Abby,
sitting there completely bewildered

because, in her mind, she doesn't
understand the weight of what she said

and why everybody is reacting this way.

And then you have me, the teacher,

standing there in the corner,
like, about to have a panic attack.

So as a classroom teacher,

I have to make split-second
decisions all the time.

And I knew I needed to react, but how?

Consider your fight-or-flight instincts.

I could fight by raising my voice
and reprimanding her for her words.

Or flight -- just change the subject

and quickly start reaching
for another subject,

like anything to get my students' minds
off the word "poop."

However, as we know, the right thing to do
is often not the easy thing to do.

And as much as I wanted
this moment to be over,

and that I knew both of these options
would help me escape the situation,

I knew that this was far too important
of a teachable moment to miss.

So after standing there
for what felt like an eternity,

I unfroze and I turned
to face my class, and I said,

"Actually, Abby makes a point."

And my students kind of
looked at each other, all confused.

And I continued,

"One reason why racism exists

is because people with light skin
have looked at people with dark skin

and said that their skin was ugly.

And even use this reason
as an excuse to dehumanize them.

And the reason why we're learning
about race and racism in the first place

is to educate ourselves to know better.

And to understand
why comments like this are hurtful,

and to make sure
that people with dark skin

are always treated
with respect and kindness."

Now, this was a truly terrifying
teachable moment.

But as we moved forward
in the conversation,

I noticed that both Abby
and the rest of the kids

were still willing to engage.

And as I watched the conversation
really marinate with my students,

I began to wonder how many of my students
have assumptions just like Abby.

And what happens when those assumptions
go unnoticed and unaddressed,

as they so often do?

But first, I think it's important
to take a step back

and even consider
what makes a topic taboo.

I don't remember receiving
an official list of things

you're not supposed to talk about.

But I do remember hearing,
over and over, growing up:

there are two things you do not talk about
at family get-togethers.

And those two things
are religion and politics.

And I always thought this was very curious

because religion and politics
often are such huge influencing factors

over so many of our
identities and beliefs.

But what makes a topic taboo

is that feeling of discomfort that arises
when these things come up in conversation.

But some people are extremely fluent
in the language of equity,

while other people fear being PC-shamed

or that their ignorance will show
as soon as they open their mouths.

But I believe that the first step
towards holding conversations

about things like equity

is to begin by building a common language.

And that actually starts
with destigmatizing topics

that are typically deemed taboo.

Now, conversations
around race, for example,

have their own specific language

and students need
to be fluent in this language

in order to have these conversations.

Now, schools are often the only place

where students can feel
free and comfortable

to ask questions and make mistakes.

But, unfortunately, not all students
feel that sense of security.

Now, I knew that day
in front of my fourth-graders

that how I chose to respond
could actually have life-long implications

not only for Abby, but for the rest
of the students in my class.

If I had brushed her words aside,

the rest of the class could actually infer
that this type of comment is acceptable.

But if I had yelled at Abby

and embarrassed her
in front of all of her friends,

that feeling of shame associated with one
of her first conversations on race

could actually prevent her
from ever engaging on that topic again.

Now, teaching kids about equity in schools
is not teaching them what to think.

It is about giving them the tools
and strategies and language

and opportunities
to practice how to think.

For example, think about
how we teach kids how to read.

We don't start by giving them books.

We start by breaking down words
into letters and sounds

and we encourage them to practice
their fluency by reading every single day,

with a partner or with their friends.

And we give them
lots of comprehension questions

to make sure that they're
understanding what they're reading.

And I believe that teaching
kids about equity

should be approached
in the exact same way.

I like to start by giving my students
a survey every year,

about different issues
around equity and inclusion.

And this is a sample survey
from one of my kids,

and as you can see,
there's some humor in here.

For under the question, "What is race?"

she has written, "When two or more
cars, people and animals

run to see who is fastest and who wins."

However, if you look
at her question, "What is racism?"

it says, "When somebody says or calls
someone dark-skinned a mean name."

So, she's young, but she's showing
that she's beginning to understand.

And when we act

like our students aren't capable
of having these conversations,

we actually do them such a disservice.

Now, I also know
that these types of conversations

can seem really, really intimidating
with our students,

especially with young learners.

But I have taught
first through fifth grades,

and I can tell you, for example,

that I'm not going to walk
into a first-grade classroom

and start talking about things
like mass incarceration.

But even a six-year-old first-grader
can understand the difference

between what is fair --
people getting what they need.

We identified a lot
of these things in class together.

And the difference
between fair and equal --

when everybody gets the same thing,

especially goody bags at birthday parties.

Now, first-graders can also
understand the difference

between a punishment and a consequence.

And all of these things
are foundational concepts

that anyone needs to understand

before having a conversation

about mass incarceration
in the United States.

Some people might think
that kindergarteners or first-graders

are too young to have
conversations around racism,

but also tell you that young kids

understand that there are
many different components

that make up our identities

and how people are similar and different,

and what it means to have power
when other people don't.

When we have these conversations
with students at a young age,

it actually takes away
some of that taboo feeling

when those topics come up at a later age.

I also know that teaching
about these things in schools

can feel like navigating a minefield.

For example, what happens
if parents or families

aren't on board with having
these conversations in schools?

But to these people, I can say:

these are some examples of things
that students have said to me

and brought to my attention.

For example, I had a student come in
and whisper to me,

"I've heard all these people
use the term LGBTQ,

but I don't know what it means
and I'm too embarrassed to admit it."

I had a student come in over a weekend
and come up to me and say,

"You know, I just watched
this movie about Australia,

and it made me wonder
if they have racism there, too."

And I always want my students to be
comfortable having these conversations

because when they're comfortable
talking about it and asking questions,

they also build comfort in bringing in
their own lives and experiences

in how they relate to these big topics.

Also, some teachers might be
kind of nervous

if a student brings up a topic
or asks a question

and they don't know the answer to it.

But if a student ever brings
something to my attention

and I don't know the answer,

I will always admit it and own it

because I'm not going to pretend
to be an expert in something

that I don't have experience in
or I'm not an authority on.

That same year, I had a student come in

and ask a question
about the LGBTQ community.

And I just didn't know enough
to give them an appropriate answer.

So instead, I encouraged that student

to reach out and ask that question
to a representative of a nonprofit

who had come to speak to our class
about that very same issue.

When we admit to our students
that we don't have all the answers,

not only does it humanize us to them,

it also shows them that adults
have a long way to go, too,

when it comes to learning
about issues of equity.

Now, a little while back,
I wrote a lesson about consent.

And, to some people,
this was very exciting

because I took this topic
that seemed very taboo and scary

and I broke it down into a way
that was accessible for young learners.

However, to other people,

the idea of consent
is so strongly tied to sex,

and sex is often considered
a taboo subject,

that it made them very uncomfortable.

But my students are third-graders,

so we're not talking about sex in class.

Rather, I wanted them to understand

that everybody has different
physical boundaries

that make them feel comfortable.

And the social and emotional
intelligence it takes

to read somebody's words
and tone and body language

are skills that often need
to be explicitly taught,

the same way we teach things
like reading and math.

And this lesson is not reserved
for students of one single demographic.

Things like questioning
and making observations

and critical thinking

are things that any student
of any race or ethnicity

or background or language or income
or zip code should be learning in schools.

Also, deliberate avoidance
of these conversations

speaks volumes to our students

because kids notice when their teachers,
when their textbooks

leave out the voices and experiences
of people like women or people of color.

Silence speaks volumes.

I recently asked my class of third-graders

what they would say to adults
who think they're too young

to learn about issues of equity.

And while this is a small sample
of my 25 students,

all of them agreed

that not only are they capable
of having these conversations,

but they view it, the right to learn it,
as a right and not as a privilege.

And, in their words:

"We're big enough
to know about these things

because these problems
are happening where we live.

And we have the right to talk about them

because it will be our life
in the future."

Thank you.

(Applause)