コネクション | 河本真 | TEDxICU

Today I would like to talk about the
"Connections" and "To Connect"

and would like to share
my thought on it with you.

First, let me talk about what is
happening among Japanese now.

I feel that a loss of balance
is happening.

In the past, I have consulted
a couple of thousand people.

When I was doing that, I noticed
that people had become

too needy unnecessarily from
their fundamental needs.

As I mentioned, because of technologies
such as smartphones and the internet,

we are forced to desire more than
we would actually want or need.

What would be caused by this is

a lifestyle that we become
needing things that we do not

or we begin acting like someone who is
totally different from what we are.

Because of that, diseases of
unknown causes

and mental illnesses are in
an increase in Japan.

Therefore, I believe in a balance
in life: "Balanced Way of Life"

This will become more important
for our lives now and in the future

and this is what I would like to
talk about today.

In summary, by connecting us with
ourselves, our families and to the world,

we could achieve "Balanced Way of Life"
and by living in such a balanced way.

As a result, we all could become personal
and social contributors.

This is the life that I would like
to propose today.

What is connecting you with yourself ?

I define it as generating your own idea
that can cause a change in the real world.

In the Japanese educational system that
most of us, including me, attended,

students under 18 are not expected to make
decisions for themselves and their actions

Most of the people follow the headstone
of their parents, teachers, and bosses

and use it as a guideline to decide
our moves and ideas based on it.

That’s how we spend days.

However, what we need to do
in order to connect us with ourselves is

not having a right answer but motivating
ourselves by asking our own questions

and the power to take action
with our own intentions.

In another word, connecting yourself is
having confidence in yourself.

What should we do to
connect you with yourself?

I would say move your body not head.

As I mentioned before,

we refer smartphones and technologies
to acquire various information

and based on that, we decide what to do

or come up with an idea
that's what we are doing every day.

However, what you are doing here is
only using your head.

The important thing is moving your body

to pull out your real intention
and make it come true.

That is what I call
connecting you with yourself.

Here, you are supposed to laugh!

This is me, a year old.

When you are young like this,
you are fresh and flexible.

This is an age when you only follow
your interests and curiosity to live

children don't really think the things
in head.

If that was what they wanted to do
they chase after their interests

and that's what kids always do.
They pursue their curiosity.

Therefore, their moves are
so flexible and natural.

I have one exercise that
I would like to ask you to do.

Please look at this.

Write down the ideas that surely
make an impact on your future.

Let's take note and think a bit.

We all actually have something
that we want to pursue

and the ideas that make your life
most wonderful.

However, receiving too much information

or too much listening to others' opinions

makes you miss your true voice
to follow it.

So here is my proposal:

If you do something for your life
right now

What makes your life better and feel good?

What makes your future brighter?

Asking yourself these questions
periodically

would be very important from now on.

This is the project that I forged
when I was in college.

It is about contacting and meeting
everyone who I wanted to meet.

I made this by myself

because I wondered what I could do
while I was still a student.

I thought of this so hard when I was 18.

What would be the thing I could only
do because of being a college kid?

My answer was asking significant people
to meet up who I can't meet otherwise

with my title only being a college kid.

so I made appointments with various people

and met them and talked to them, and

I tried to soak up everything from them.

Sometimes I annoyed them

by saying something ridiculous.

That's what I was doing back then.

By doing this, I have achieved

the standard of my behavior
and things to do that had been

decided by my parents, bosses
and by the government

becoming things that I can take a lead.

I became the one to think, decide
and take action.

My life has become more proactive.

Because of it, I was able to achieve
“confident” that is so crucial for life.

Here are three steps of
“connecting you to yourself”:

First, you gain confident in yourself.

Second, you would find out
your real talent.

You create your ideas and
take actions.

You take initiative of your life.

This will give you a network with people

and failures caused by yourself.

That’s how you learn from your lessons
and consider what to do.

That's how you find out your talent.

Something that you had never thought
you could do

could be carried out by you.

That is how you create actual results.

Those results will connect you
to another lesson

that gives you a feedback to see
what you are really good at.

That is how you find out your real talent
I believe.

Thirdly, you would get good at
creating your life plan.

You take a lead to come up with ideas

and take your own actions.

That would give an ability to
create your own life plan

to you to be able to shift your life
for better.

First, I talked about
“Connecting you with yourself.”

Now I move on to the next step which is

"connecting you to your precious people."

This is about creating a charging station
filled with love and healing.

I would like to talk about the next stage.

After we gain our confidence,

and this may be the most important theme
for Japan nowadays.

What we always get distracted by is

the green grass in the neighbor’s yard.

I used to be like that too.

Before I minded about myself.
I minded about other’s approvals.

When I took my action, I was afraid of
being disliked,

being looked down, or being discouraged
by people saying “no, you can’t do it.”

I was always thinking like that.

However, under these conditions

you can't possibly enjoy the life
that you get only one chance.

I began thinking of the concept of
"Connecting"

and “To Connect” in January 2011.

That was that time that my father fell
and had a stroke.

It was so shocking to me.

He looked different from
the loving dad I have known.

I had to face that moment.

One thing that I felt then was

I start seeing my mom as one individual.

I saw her as a real individual
for the first time.

Until then, I had seen her through
the filter of “mother.”

However, because of my dad falling sick,

my mom has become a real person.

She is seen as one human being.

Until the moment, I somehow didn’t see
her troubled by her worries and concerns.

However, the dad’s illness made me realize

that my mom also had to face her
loneliness, insecurity and fear.

I realized that for the first time.

From this experience,

I began thinking so hard for how
I could be most helpful to her.

That was what I was thinking
day and night.

I had many talks with her
face to face.

We cried and laughed together.

We shared our joy of life together
and communicated with each other.

As a result, I stopped living a life that
I demand too much

and pursuing something that
I did not even want.

Instead, I was able to obtain the place
where I can discuss anything.

Therefore, I was filled by the live energy

and was able to create a home
where I could charge love and power

with my family.

Here is my message that I wrote to my dad:

“Staying in the same house
doesn’t make a family,

but wherever we were, how we care
for each other makes a real family bond.”

This was the first moment that
I understood what is family.

I would like to introduce
the second exercise.

That said, you do not have many occasions
that you tell your true feelings

to your families and
your significant others.

The opportunities to express your real
intentions are becoming less and less.

Here is the exercise that I made for us
to build a relationship

and to develop it even stronger.

First, “Thank you very much.”
Please write this 10 times.

Next, please write “I’m sorry”
10 times.

Then please write “I love you”
10 times.

This is called the Hoʻoponopono technique

that native Hawaiians developed
and practiced healing people.

Please practice this
to your precious ones,

families, and loved ones
to let them know your appreciation.

I actually did try this on
my wife’s birthday last year.

In our daily life,
we don’t say “thank you” much.

We don’t say “I’m sorry” much.

We don’t say “I love you” much.

But let’s do it for the occasions
like birthday and anniversaries.

If you do it, you can really feel
the deep connection.

You can spend a genial time.

You will be able to discuss thing together
that you usually don’t.

This exercise creates a place within you
where you can truly trust

from bottom of your heart.

Just like a smartphone needs a place
to charge fully

so that it can function anytime,

our lives need such places where
we could charge ourselves.

Men go out to work,

now women too in the society we live.

We could be yelled at for work
and at school,

and lately, we even get scolded at home.

However, a family for me is a place
where I can charge.

I believe that it is very important
to recognize your family in this way.

Because of having these places makes you
go forward to challenge and pursue

myself through this communication.

I used to have a face like an orange,

and here again, we should laugh at!

As a result, I became such a cool fellow.

Here, I am mediating and
my son comes to me and interrupts.

I was able to achive this life.

Here is the next topic
“Connecting you with the world.”

This is the final stage.

You are now connected to yourself
and gain confidence,

connected with your precious ones,

and found a place where you can always
charge and feel love.

Then after that, you can connect yourself
to the world finally

to see how you can contribute to it

and to society naturally.

I was wondering all the time in college,

"What is my mission?"

"What do I want to achieve in my life?"

I was always thinking those questions

but they did not get answered.

Then I forgot about these questions
and started practicing the steps.

First, I create my own idea and
get connected with myself.

Then get connected with my family
by the strong bond

and make my family happy
and live happy lives.

After I complete this step,
I move on to the next

that makes me see
what I am supposed to do

and how I can contribute
to society throughout my life.

Myself become an important existence
for myself.

Myself believes in my ideas
and taking actions.

Then achiving a home where
I can fully charge myself

and where I can feel love.

By completing all of these,
I finally become able to enjoy

the world we live in
fully, fairly and all the way down.

I think there are many of us who have not
been able to enjoy our lives

because we have always been worried about

what someone else said or
something else in our lives.

But I believe that by connecting
with myself and my family,

I would be able to see the world
as it really is

from an unadulterated perspective.

This is what I have learned
from my experiences.

Going out to the world is
equal to enjoying the differences.

What are enjoying and
seeing the differences?

Recently, many foreign people
have come to Japan

and there are many Japanese people abroad
in an era, people can see a lot of things.

What would happen when you see
a lot of things and differences is

that you start seeing
what you can really do.

If we always spend the same days
with the same things around us,

It's not easy for us to realize what
we are and what we can do with ourselves.

But I believe by seeing and
feeling various things,

you will naturally understand
what you can really do

and what you want to do more and more.

There are only three things
that I would like to share with you.

Connecting with yourself,
connecting with your family

and connecting with the world.

These are the most important things.

By only connecting with the world,
you can see what you can do for yourself

and what you want to do for this world
and through your life.

Today, I talked about three steps.

First, I emphasize again.

You need to believe in your ideas
and carry them out.

That changes your life to become more
proactive and you gain confidence.

Being confident in yourself means
you would not worry about yourself.

Once you reach the stage where
you don't worry anymore,

you connect yourself strongly with your
precious ones, your family and friends.

Being connected so deeply means
you really devote yourself to be in.

So sometimes you may be hurt
or sad or even shed a tear.

But by being brave to cross the line,
you can really get connected.

When you are worried and fear,
you can always talk to them.

When you are really happy,
you can share the joy with them.

You can have a place like that.

By achieving these true connections,
you can finally see the world

and the earth as it is unfiltered.

Looking at the world again
with your clear mind

and having adventures
help us to see what you want to do

and what you are supposed to do
for society through your life.

You will start seeing them naturally.

So, I hope we all continue to connect us
with ourselves, with our loved ones

and with the world together.

I wish to share this way of life with you.

Thanks for listening to me today.