Group culture: what I've learned from Argentine teenagers | Sarah Smith | TEDxUCES

This talk was given at a local TEDx event, produced independently of the TED conferences.

Starting with her first impression of Argentine teenagers and their particular way with words, Sarah Smith shares her experience as a linguist and American mother raising kids in an Argentine school and social setting. She recaps her twins' elementary and high school years in the Buenos Aires school system to talk about cultural differences, notions of individualism, and group culture, and how some of her own ideas about education have changed along the way, particularly the social aspect of it. She ultimately pays tribute to the unique social dynamics of Argentine culture and the remarkable communication skills of the country's adolescents.

After graduating from college, Sarah spent a year in Spain, where she developed a keen interest in both the culture and the process of language acquisition. That experience ultimately led to a Masters degree in Applied Linguistics. She has taught both Spanish and ESL and now runs her own translation group, NEO Language Services. The experience of raising her kids in the US, Spain, and Argentina sparked an interest in comparative education and led Sarah to create a blog, "The other side of the fence." The blog has been an outlet for sharing her observations and experiences throughout her children's education in Buenos Aires schools, and has become a forum for other expat parents in search of information and advice.

Living in another country
changes you in lots of ways.

Your habits and what you have
for breakfast

- scrambled eggs,
croissants, or pickled fish -

your values, if you live
to work or work to live,

and even your way of thinking.

Living in Argentina,

aside from making me
a devoted fan of local foods,

has changed me in loads of ways.

One is the way I view my kids' education,

particularly, the social aspect of it.

I came to visit Argentina
for the first time over 20 years ago.

One of the cultural differences

that really stood out for me
on that first visit

actually came up in a conversation
with a girl named Camila

who couldn't have been more than 13.

It was at a family barbeque.

I honestly don't even remember
what we talked about.

What I do remember is
the way she expressed herself.

She was very at ease,
interested, spoke in fluid dialog.

She asked questions, looked me in the eye.

It was nearly like talking to an adult.

So why did this make
such an impression on me?

Because of how it contrasted

with the image I had
of teenagers in the US.

Oftentimes, when talking to adults,
they barely look at you.

They're kind of awkward, monosyllabic,

like they'd rather be
just about anyplace else.

People generally think of it
as just a 'phase' teenagers go through,

therefore, adults don't make
much of an effort

either to talk to their kids
during this phase.

I'm a linguist interested in the links

between language, culture
and communication.

As I talked to Camila,
it occurred to me that maybe,

the image I had
of the uncommunicative, aloof teenager

might easily be
an American cultural construct.

More than anything else,

I was curious to know
what made Camila so articulate.

I looked around the table,
full of people of all ages,

everyone talking at once

as they passed around platters
full of sausages and sweetbreads,

the typical chaos of an Argentine barbeque
with lots of shouting.

And I thought:
could this girl's way with words

have something to do
with the group dynamic here?

After many years in Argentina,
I've seen again and again

how well kids here express themselves,
how self-confident they are.

I even have a couple
of Argentine kids of my own now

who are also like this.

Now I'd like to go back in time
and tell you about

how I've experienced their education
here as a cultural phenomenon,

the changes that has brought about in me,

and the connection between all this

and the communication skills
of Argentine teenagers.

My kids started
elementary school in the U.S.,

a system that typically focuses
on individual work,

with lots of tests, quizzes,
rankings, and points involved,

lots of emphasis
on kids' personal achievements

through contests,
awards, certificates, etc.

All of this ensures

that competition is fully incorporated
from the very beginning.

However, when we moved
to Argentina in third grade,

we chose a progressive school,

where they talked about

emotional support, harmony, happiness.

The kids would sit in circles
to work out their conflicts,

that is to say, a major focus
on the social aspects.

As for academics,

there was less individual work
more group work.

Something else I noticed
was lots of chaos,

with very noisy classrooms
and hardly anyone in their chair.

One of my kids' first play dates
happened at home.

It was 4th grade,

a bunch of kids,
mostly 9 and 10-year-olds,

all on our rooftop terrace.

I went to take their afternoon snack,
and they were all sitting in a circle.

"What are you guys doing?"

They said: "We are debating
about what to play."

"That's great!" I replied,

and I got back thinking
what a nice cultural phenomenon.

If all this cooperation comes from
school, we must have made a good choice.

I go back to check on them
later and what do I find?

They're still in the circle.

It's true, can you believe that?

"So what's going on?" I asked,

and they said: "We can't decide

whether to jump rope, play tag,
or do some drawing."

"How about you split up
into smaller groups,

so everyone gets to play
what they want?" I said.

This one girl, Agustina, looked at me
with a perplexed expression and said:

"Why would we all get together

if we aren't all going to
play the same thing?"

That rooftop get-together
was a good indicator

of the dimension the group culture
would take on in my kids' lives.

And while I could appreciate it
in a social setting,

it slowing started to bother me
in the context of school.

Why? Because their report cards
seemed very general,

more focused
on their role within the group.

It was like the teachers
gave little importance

to students' individual work.

And, in addition,

I felt like I couldn't discuss
my concerns about the work

with the other parents
at school meetings

because they rarely brought up
academics at all.

It almost seemed that for them,
the social dynamics of the group

was the most important thing
in the classroom as well.

It was at one of those meetings

that someone mentioned
the issue of individualism

in a negative tone.

It got my attention,

mainly because I had never placed
any particular value on the term.

So, thinking that perhaps there might be
a different cultural connotation there,

I went to the dictionary.

Actually, to two dictionaries,

and this is what I found.

The definition of individualism
in the Real Academia dictionary says:

"Tendency to think and act
independently from others

or without abiding by the general rules."

What do you think? Were you aware of it?

Do you agree with this definition?
It sounds about right?

I'll read you another one in English
from the American Heritage Dictionary

- and here's my translation
of the definition as found there -

"Belief in the primary importance
of the individual

and in the virtues of self-sufficiency
and personal independence."

Different, right?
It's like a different twist.

And when I read that,

I had to admit that due
to my own education, I do believe

in the importance of the individual,
self-sufficiency, independence, etc.

And that's when I realized
that maybe for that reason,

I needed that individual recognition
of my kids through their schoolwork.

And so, with all that rattling
around in my head,

and without a forum to discuss it,

I decided to start a blog

because for me, writing
has always been the best way

to work out my issues
and clarify things.

I started the blog as a sort
of personal catharsis about education,

and since I write in English,

it drew mainly an expat audience
here in Buenos Aires

and made me feel like I wasn't alone.

Around the end of elementary school,
I wrote this in my blog:

"I hope the new high school environment
will allow them to explore

the individual potential
and excel as individuals

because it seemed

that elementary school
was much more focused

on promoting the interests of the group."

Ironically, the most important lesson
I've learned from high school here

is to value the group
and the essential role it has played

in my teenagers' increasing independence.

High school in the U.S. is very stressful.

Grades are directly linked
to university acceptance,

so there is no place at all
for bad grades.

In face, the lowest grade
possible is an F,

which means 'fail,'

which also works for the word in Spanish.

In contrast, the university prep-school
my kids attend here is different.

Also stressful, but for different reasons.

In all honesty, it was painful
the first time I heard:

"I have to take a first-round
make-up exam."

It was even worse when they told me:
"I have to take two second-round exams."

Of course this reminded me

of everything I just mentioned

about failure, competition, and all that.

But the honest truth is

that just getting that 7
in the schools of the UBA system

requires incredible effort.

And I have learned
that just aiming for that has merit,

that "carrying a subject"
does not mean that you are a failure,

that the value in all this is
in surpassing yourself and not your peers.

Several years have gone by
since I started the blog,

and I've completely changed my thinking

when it comes to group culture.

Not long ago, I wrote a post
that's sort of a nighttime guide

for parents of teenagers in Buenos Aires,

basically a celebration of the social life
of Buenos Aires teenagers,

the crazy vampire hours they keep,

their parties, and their absolute freedom
in the streets of Buenos Aires,

always surrounded and protected
by their enormous groups of friends.

The post is slightly sarcastic,

based on the typical principles
held by Anglo parents

when it comes to their teenagers:

lack of trust and then the issue
of control by parents.

I just happened to find a recent reference
to it in a British newspaper,

where a mother in London offers advice
on the basics of teenage parties at home.

She says: "Don't think
of your teenager as a mini adult.

Think of it as a lab rat on Ritalin.

In fact, you should be
around all the time."

Adults in Anglo cultures
don't trust their kids' ability

to make decisions, be responsible,

and above all, learn from their mistakes.

And I have come to realize
that this is a total contradiction

of a supposed culture of self-sufficiency
and individual independence.

What I've learned
from Argentine kids and the group culture,

is that group culture
has three basic elements:

emotional support,
no competition, and chaos.

In combination, these lead to

self-confidence, maturity,
and constant linguistic negotiation

that requires them to always talk
on the same level as everyone else.

This is where I think

the remarkable communication skills
of Argentine teenagers come from.

Raising my kids here
has taught me to value the group

because it truly holds up the individuals,

and that this has been fostered
throughout their education here,

both in and outside of school.

And now, when my friends
in the north are appalled

because my teenagers
stay out all night long,

and I still manage to sleep peacefully,
I have this to say to them:

Argentine teenagers
travel in large groups,

they look out for each other,

they organize their own parties,

renting the venue,
and hiring security themselves.

They make their own music.
They care about politics.

And if they trash your house,
after the party's over,

they clean it up with mops and buckets
in the haze of dawn.

What's not to trust?

Thank you very much.

(Applause)