"Transgender" is not a scary word | Samuel Rae Bernstein | TEDxLagunaBlancaSchool

Samuel Rae Bernstein describes his experience growing up as a transgender male. Through his own account of transitioning to the male gender, he expresses that transgender people just want to be treated with the same decency and respect that anyone hopes to experience while growing up.

Samuel Rae Bernstein is fifteen years old and lives in Santa Barbara, California. He enjoys acting, stand-up comedy, reading, and learning about the world around him. Samuel has been performing on stage since his early childhood and is very excited about the opportunity to speak at TEDxLaguna about his experience as a transgender male.

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx

My name is Samuel Bernstein,
I'm 15 years old,

and I am transgender.

When I was younger,
I was told I was a girl.

I accepted it because I didn't think
I was allowed to be anything else.

But then my body started to change.

I could tell you I was hitting puberty,

but it felt like puberty was hitting me.

They told me I was becoming a woman.

I accepted it

because I didn't think
I was allowed to be anything else.

But I was no longer myself.

I became irritable
and pushed away my friends.

I began having panic attacks

in hidden school backrooms
for hours at a time.

I no longer knew what "happy" felt like.

By the time I was 13,

I was carving my pain into my own skin,

and I didn't want to be alive anymore.

I was miserable, but I didn't know why.

One day I sat in a psychiatrist's office,
as he asked me to define my own gender.

I told him I was a girl

because I didn't think
I was allowed to be anything else.

But that night, I was still
stock on that question.

I went online and started exploring
and came across the word transgender.

I'd never heard it before.

Transgender:

someone who identifies with a gender,
other than the one assigned at birth.

Immediately, I knew exactly who I was.

That same night,
I told my mom I wasn't a girl.

And instantly, I felt the fulfillment
I haven't felt in years.

My entire personality started to change,
as I began to express who I truly was.

I was happy again.

I'm not telling you all of my very,
very personal story today

so that you will feel bad for me.

I am telling my story because I have to.

For many people,
transgender is a scary word.

Most people don't know
what it really means,

and even if they do,

they're very uncomfortable
talking about it.

So that's why, I'm here today,

to prove that like everybody else here,

I'm just a person, whose identity
deserves recognition and respect.

Because while you may be scared of me,

you do not realize
that I'm scared of you too.

When I began to express
who I actually was,

I thought the hard part was over,

I thought that I'd discovered myself,

and all my struggles
would just magically go away

because I could live as my true gender.

But I was so wrong.

I am scared.

I am scared of not being accepted,

I am scared of being harassed
in public bathrooms.

I am scared of doctors
not knowing how to treat me.

I am scared of growing up
and facing workplace discrimination.

I am scared that in this world,

my legal rights could literally
be ripped away from me

at any moment.

I am scared that some people
may never see me as a real man.

I am scared,

not only for myself,

but for every single transgender
person living in this world,

especially transgender women,

non-binary transgender people,

disabled trans people,

trans people of color,

and queer trans people,

who will face so much more discrimination
and ignorance and hate in this world,

than I, a straight, white,
transgender male, will ever have to.

Even so, I am scared.

We are scared.

But we shouldn't have to be.

Transgender should not be a scary word.

No identity should ever be scary
or weird or shameful.

We, as people, need to come together.

We need to celebrate diversity,

but in doing so,

we need to focus less
on what makes us different

and focus more
on what makes us the same.

Because under all of the beautiful layers
of what makes us who we are

is just a person,

who wants to be loved
and accepted as themselves.

This is a hard world to live in,

not just for me,

not just for transgender people,

but for everybody.

We all have good days and bad days.

We all have conflicts and pains.

We all struggle.

But most importantly,
we are all trying to persevere.

So I ask all of you,

what is the point of using our energy
to hate on each other,

when we could be using it to help,
and support each other.

If your answer, like mine,
is "I don't know,"

then I urge you to consider
what you can do to make a difference.

Let people tell their stories.

Listen.

Let people share their needs.

Respect them.

Encourage people
to live their happiest lives.

And please, most importantly,

just treat people
the way you want to be treated.

Thank you.

(Applause)